CONTROL FREAKS ANONYMOUS

EIGHT STEPS TO ACHIEVE SANITY & SUCCESS

With Penny C. McBride, CFEE

THE VALUE OF TRUST

IImagine a flying trapeze show with two acrobats, dangling from swings, high above the crowd. One is trained to catch. The other leaps from their swing, performs some crazy contortion, then blindly reaches out to be caught. Using this as a metaphor, I suspect far more of us in the event industry identify with the role of catcher over that of leaper. Both acrobats share a high level of competency and skill that has been honed by relentless practice and training. But the leaper’s safety is only secured if he/she is met by the precisely-timed hands of the catcher. It is a literal leap of faith.

I have yet to meet an open and trusting Control Freak. Yet, without trust, there is no leadership. All the talent in the world will remain siloed and ineffective without the ability to welcome and accept help from one another.

Strength in Vulnerability.

The people for whom I have held the greatest respect in life shared a rare commonality – vulnerability. They are quick to admit when they don’t know something. They are open to evaluating the ideas and opinions of others. They actively recruit talent to fill in the areas of their own weaknesses and they consistently lean in at times when others display insecurity, competitiveness or jealousy. To harness a sum greater than the individual parts, they double down on trust and let others “catch.” Their dual confidence as both Catcher and Leaper allows them to create powerful teams because great people thrive under their leadership.

Play the Passing Game

Very early in my career, I benefited from an incredible mentor. Truth be told, I didn’t fully understand the impact of his mentorship for many years. He could be brutally tough and ridiculously demanding. I will never forget his response when I had enough and pushed back hard. He sat back in his chair, laughed heartily and proclaimed, “Finally!” I soon learned that he cared enough to understand my pleasing nature and help me learn to set healthy limits. It was not the last time we would clash, but I had learned that even conflict can be useful in the presence of trust. He challenged me to think bigger, to look past the first good idea in search of an even better one, to resist complacency. “If you are going to fail, fail big!” he would say.

How willing are we to mentor others? It often requires passing the ball – and building the confidence of a future Catcher – over carrying it our self.

Building Your Bank Balance

In his 1989 best-seller, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey described the concept of Emotional Bank Accounts to describe the amount of trust that has been built up in a relationship. Much like a financial bank account, we must first accrue a balance before withdrawals can be made. The Control Freak can unknowingly make huge withdrawals with a few careless words here and there. “I told them that wouldn’t work.” Or, “here, let me do that.” A trust-worthy leader would give others a bit of freedom to see what they can do or offer guidance instead of undermining words.

The worst is when those words are spoken behind one’s back. In his book EntreLeadership, financial-guru Dave Ramsey defines gossip as discussing something negative with anyone who can’t help solve the problem. Sound familiar? I also like the version a friend of mine once offered, “If they say it to you, they will say it about you.” Gossip provides no resolution, but it can create a whole host of new problems.

So how do we curb gossip and its toxic effect on organizational trust? At my work, I routinely use two very simple strategies that are both based on my belief that gossip exists only if there are lips to speak it and ears to hear it. My ears strategy I like to call “heard or know?” When a conversation turns gossipy with “I heard that Susan…,” I literally interrupt in mid-sentence and ask the question, “You heard or you know?” I will only continue to listen if what the person wants to say is factual.

To help build a trusting culture around what the lips are saying, I use the “and what did she say?” strategy. A team member comes to me with a complaint about Susan. After listening carefully, I say something like, “I regret that you and Susan are having these difficulties. When you talked to her about it, what did she say?” The problem with Susan cannot be resolved without Susan, so I first try to coach the person on the trust-building value of face-to-face candor. If the problem persists, and the person complains again I use, “I’m so sorry you still feel that way. Let’s go to Susan’s office right now and sort this out.”

The most damaging variety of Control Freak purposefully undermines trust to stay in control. The above strategies are also useful in ferreting out ill-intentions that have no place in our organization. Watch the Leapers for they are the first to spot this behavior and avoid the pseudo-Catchers at all cost.

It’s perfectly normal to feel attraction to the confident role of Catcher. Just remember, the Leaper has to trust you and the only way to prove that trust is to be trusting.

Penny C. McBride, CFEE is the President & CEO of the 900+ member Fredericksburg Chamber of Commerce in Texas. She serves on the faculty of the IFEA/NRPA Event Management School and on the boards of the Texas Festivals & Events Association and Hill Country Memorial, a Malcolm Baldrige Award winning hospital. She enjoys travel, cooking, writing, hiking and volunteerism.

www.kaliff.com