A guide to the perfect speech

It used to be the bride’s father, the groom and the best man who got mic-time at weddings, but in 2023, the speech line-up has been well and truly shaken up...

Heidi Ellert-McDermott, founder of the bespoke speechwriting service, Speechy, and the author of The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches, tells us who’s taking their place.

The ‘no rules’ rules

‘Firstly, we better clarify, that, of course, nearlyweds can still opt for the traditional three,’ says Heidi. ‘Sometimes it’s the right choice, but couples and family shouldn’t automatically assume that those three fellas get to have their say on the day.’

For a start, there’s women to consider. And children maybe. And, with family dynamics so diverse these days, mothers of the groom, uncles of the bride and, well, anyone on the core guestlist really.

So how do you decide who you invite to give a speech? Heidi and the

Speechy team have noticed a formula that works. Let’s start with the crucial component…

You two

Of course, you need someone on the speech line-up who represents you as a couple but Heidi says she’s still surprised by how little some couples think about this.

‘In heterosexual couples, more often than not, the groom speaks on behalf of the newlyweds. Sometimes this isn’t even discussed,’ says Heidi. ‘I suspect this is because a lot of brides are reluctant to add another ‘to do’ to their list but as someone who gave a speech, I know how much joy it added to my day. If brides really want to divide up the ‘to dos’ better, I’d suggest allocating the transport to your partner instead!’

There are a three basic ways a couple can present themselves on the day. It could be one of you delivering a speech (though, remember, your partner can claim to have an equal dislike of public speaking!), both of you delivering individual speeches, or a joint speech – something that’s becoming much more common.

‘A joint speech really says ‘we’re a team’. It’s modern, fun and it always goes down a storm,’ says Heidi.

Someone to pay tribute to you

There’s plenty of reasons why your dad might not be the best choice. Sometimes family circumstances dictate this but it could just be that you know your mum would enjoy it more and have plenty she’d like to say!

And it doesn’t actually need to be a parent paying tribute to you; it could be another relative you adore, or maybe even a close friend. The questions to ask yourself is simply 1)

HEIDI IS AN EXPERT WHEN IT COMES TO GIVING GREAT SPEECHES, AND BELIEVES THAT TRADITIONAL RULES SHOULD NO LONGER APPLY who knows you best and 2) who can articulate what you mean to them in a way that’s both meaningful and entertaining.

Someone to pay tribute to your partner

The same applies for your partner as it does you.

Whether or not your other half is a groom or a bride, it’s up to them who they’d like to invite up to the mic. Do they know their parents would love to say a few words, or do they want a traditional roasting from a friend?

‘Times have changed. There’s actually no right or wrong when it comes to the wedding speech line-up so I’d encourage all nearlyweds to really think about it,’ says Heidi. ‘The mix of speakers should ideally offer an insight into your relationship, some tear-jerking moments and crucially, lots of joyous laughter! That mix guarantees you’ll kick-start the party!’

LINKS

• Speechy - www.speechy.com/

• Book - www.amazon.co.uk/ModernCouples-Guide-Wedding-Speeches/ dp/1472147561/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1IT

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