SECOND OPINION

Have you noticed how two faced we can be in this industry, asks Sue Lovell

I’ve always known it, but I’ve noticed it a lot more in recent months. I don’t know if it’s more prevalent in this industry, because we are more female led, or I’m just noticing it more because I interact with women more. But either way, it’s true; we are so two faced, and I need to remind myself that both faces are blooming beautiful, and so strong, and both deserve to be shown.

So I’m showing mine, sharing way more than I should, because in a world of incredible women, it’s okay to not be superwoman. It’s okay to not be successful and perfect in every aspect of life. It’s okay to be ordinary and average. We can have struggles and failings, but can still celebrate the successes, and not feel we have to hide the downright crappy parts.

On my day off from bridal, I leave home at 6am and travel an hour through the dark to get to my own Ray of light. These fen roads are brutal, no cats eyes or white Iines here. We don’t have street lights, as we don’t have many streets, just tracks in places.

It’s 45 minutes before I see a human, then I pick up my littlest DNA connection and we get to watch the sunrise together. We say goodbye to the dark, and hello to the day. He’s excited for what’s to come, and I’m so glad I get to share in his day. We get to see the black fields turned to brilliant white as we count the thousands of swans; we wish the horses in the fields a good morning and play a gruesome game of ‘guess the roadkill’.

We get home around 8:30 and we dance, we sing, we play Twister. Our day is filled with laughter and we educate each other. He educates me on the vital role Octonauts played in saving a whale from the volcano, and reminds me that we need to work together to solve problems. I regularly teach him valuable health and safety lessons. This week’s life lesson was that a coat hanger in the mouth doesn’t turn into a propeller when you spin it – it just hurts a lot! It’s a hard lesson we’ve all had to learn, but I know he’ll find another way to fly.

Every day, at some point, I see my parents. Oh my lovely dad, my oldest DNA connection. I’m learning to watch the sunsets together with gratitude of what’s been, rather than hope. Every day we say goodbye to the day, and wait to see what the darkness brings. The sunshine is leaving him, some days it’s just dark, but then briefly it’s back. Some days he’s joyful, but others I don’t recognise him, my lovely dad, the stranger. I try not to mourn what I’m losing, and focus on what was and what’s left; it just hurts, a lot. It’s a hard lesson, it’s

We can have struggles and brutal, but there’s always a smile somewhere. failings, but can still celebrate the My mum. Her brave face is successes, and not feel we have to fearless, always love, she always has hope. She leads, I follow, in hide the downright crappy parts awe. I’ve had to make decisions recently that have left me broken. I feel I’ve betrayed rather than protected, and no matter how many times I’m told I’ve done the right thing, I know in my heart I have failed my biggest supporter. I should have done more, I still can find a way to make this all okay. This really hurts. And in the middle, I run my business. I welcome my brides through my doors, and I’m excited for what each one is about to find in a dress. Her confidence, her beauty, her power. The positivity and the potential,

all wrapped up in satin and lace.

Life is so much more than what we do to earn a wage, yet somehow we place so much value, our identity even, on the businesses we run, rather than the people we actually are. And for so many of us, shining brightly, being the guiding hand that knows the dress, knows the designer, knows what will contain all of her radiance and allow her to shine – well, we know that we put everything we have into her moment with us. That public face, the one that is fearless and positive, that inspires confidence and comfort – that face comes from the heart, it puts to the side our fears and only lets all the love and joy we have ever experienced come out. The other stuff stays hidden.

I know that there are absolute legends in this industry, who we all look up to and admire, and who have it all. They have got every aspect of this industry sussed, they are fearless, successful and inspirational, and they surely must live charmed lives.

But, in amongst the glamour, awards, success and fabulousness of their existence, they still pop a message over to say “I know exactly how you are feeling, because I’m going through this, too”, or “I’ve been there, call me.”

There are also power houses – women who are facing more struggles than I can possibly imagine, who I know have mountains to climb and who have been hurt and let down, and feel utterly broken. Who may be physically or mentally bashed, but are fighting their way back, and they still shine so brightly, not for themselves, but for others. They don’t want to worry others, so they sparkle in public, but their light fades at home alone, and yet still they FaceTime me to say ‘hey lovely, how’s your day?’.

It’s okay to have two faces. It’s okay to show the world the positive, everything-is-coming-up-roses face, show the love, the hope and the strength. But it’s also okay to show the right people that sometimes parts of the day are a little bit pooh. Because those people can give a hug and share that they’ve been there too, they may be there right now, and they may not be able to offer anything more tangible than a virtual hug, but that may be all you need to keep going.

By sharing and being open about our struggles, we allow others to hope and show that no one’s life is really 100% perfect. We all have parts of our lives that aren’t pretty, but that’s fine…. where would the fun be in living if it was all so easy?

What amazes me about so many of us, is we may meet up once or twice a year, or we may never meet at all, but there’s always a friend on the other end of the phone, or pinging you a message when you need it most. Some of my bridal friends are so supportive, so wise and generous with their knowledge, and some I know will lay with me in the bath, 200 miles away apart, and discuss things that only two lunatics who are completely safe and comfortable with, would ever say out loud.

We have two faces, businesses owners and sisters. It’s only when we know that perfection is only a perception, and when supportive, positive women, make the mundane look fun, the difficult a bit easier, and when we achieve moments of greatness, they are here to say ‘well done’, that we know we aren’t alone.

So a massive congratulations to those winning industry awards; I’ve loved seeing all the excited posts sharing the news. A huge congratulations to everyone who makes a difference, who takes the time to ensure someone else’s buttons shine. And if you are having a week like I am, and perhaps your heart hurts a little bit too, know that a coat hanger in the mouth won’t make you fly, but there are a million other small moments every day that will. You just have to be open to them. WT