Indulge
Feb/Mar 2012
spirit|soul|body
Helen Glen Paul Colman Trio Paula Vince Jane Allen
Life
& Love
Sweets for the Sweet Sleep Secrets Building Resilience The Facts of Life & Love Living Life in the Fast Lane
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w: b: m:
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www.nspstudio.com.au http://blog.nspstudio.com.au 0431 882 123
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Indulge eMagazine is part of the iluvthoseshoes Project which seeks to empower women in their journey through life by resourcing them, spirit, soul and body. Empower = make more confident; to give authority Resource = source of help; solutions to problems
Publisher
iluvthoseshoes Project www.iluvthoseshoes.com
Editor-in-Chief
Charissa Steffens editor@indulgemagazine.com.au
Creative Director
Natasha Smith info@nspstudio.com.au
Technical Director
David Steffens info@indulgemagazine.com.au
Senior Editors Christy Carey Nicky Hurle
Proofing
Catherine Johnsen Barrie Nicholson
Theological Advisor
The Cover
Cover Helen Glen Photography Natasha Smith, NSP Studio Photography Hair & Make-up Tanya Epis Hairdresser
Reverend Malcolm Keynes (Dip. Ministry)
Fashion Editor Tanya Epis
Food Editor Angela Frost
Contributors
iluvthoseshoes Project www.iluvthoseshoes.com
General Enquiries T 0450 066 116 E info@iluvthoseshoes.com
Jane Allen Dr Cris Beer Helen Glen Nicky Hurle Candice Schmidt
Advertising
Phone 0405 066 116 Email info@indulgemagazine.com.au
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Henderson Accountants Indulge eMagazine is published monthly by the ILTS Project Pty Ltd (ACN 147832906). All rights are reserved and the contents are copyright and may not be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. ILTS Project (“the Publisher”), their related companies and officers herby disclaim, to the full extent permitted by law, all liability, damages, costs and expenses whatsoever arising from or in connection with copy information or other material in this magazine, any negligence of the publisher, or any person’s actions in reliance therein. Any dispute or complaint regarding placed advertisements must be made within seven days of publication. Inclusion of any copy must not be taken as any endorsement of the Publisher. Views expressed by contributors are personal views and they are not necessarily endorsed by the Publisher. All reasonable efforts have been made to trace copyright holders by the Publisher. The Publisher and the authors do not accept any liability whatsoever in respect of any action taken by readers in reliance on the recommendation set out in this magazine.
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Terms & Conditions of Giveaways (pgs. 37 & 39)
All correct entries must be received by 4pm on 29th February 2012. Only one entry per person will be accepted. The winner will be drawn by a computer generated random selection process with two Indulge staff present at draw. Winners will be notified by email within 24 hours of draw occuring.
ONE
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VOICE
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Key Note Speakers:
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www.onevoiceconference.info Brisbane Convention Centre, 24 - 26 May 2012 Cost (includes lunch Saturday 26th): Adult: $130.00 Under 21s: $99.00 Ph: (07) 3496 1486 Email: info@onevoiceconference.info Have you got a business or are you part of an organisation that would like to be part of One Voice 2012? We would love to know you! For Sponsorship enquires please contact amy.qcw@qldacc.org.au
Indulge | February/March 2012 | 5
In this issue... Welcome to our first issue for 2012! A new year is always brimming with potential and excitement. To me this year represents a time of increase, improvement and cultivation for my spirit, soul and body. I am eagerly anticipating all that God has in store for us with Indulge and I can’t wait for you to dive into the pages that follow.
This issue is fabulous, one of our best yet! It is all about life and love; what better way to start the year than to explore and celebrate these two concepts? To begin with Helen Glen shares her amazing story in our Spirit section. Helen is a mother of seven children and works at the Priceless Life Centre where she and other volunteers support women who unexpectedly find themselves pregnant. Helen has a heart to speak for the unborn and as you read her story you will understand why. Following on from Helen, Jane Allen and Nicky Hurle offer their profound yet contrasting journeys and I encourage you to read all three and share them with others who may just need to hear their words. Our Soul section has a very special interview with the talented Paul Colman Trio, which has just completed a national tour of Australia. I got to hang out with the band for the afternoon while they were in Brisbane and the guys are ‘serious fun’. While there was lots of laughter, there were also some real and honest conversations about what has transpired for them over the last decade. It is a ‘must’ read. Paula Vince also shares with us about her passion for fiction and surprise win at the 2011 Caleb Awards for her novel Best
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Forgotten. We also have some great articles for parents about sleep secrets and building resilience in our kids that will help resource you just that little bit more for life. Dr Cris kicks off our Body section by checking in on our New Year’s resolutions. Tanya, our Fashion Editor, brings us some beautiful romantic fashion and Angela, our Food Editor, reigns supreme with the MOST delicious sweets that you will love! Indulge will be released bi-monthly for 2012 and in-between our issues the Indulge Team will be posting regular fresh tips, devotions and treats on our new blog to keep you wellfed. So make sure you bookmark the Indulge blog at www.indulge-magazine.blogspot.com. au/ and ‘like’ the Indulge emagazine page on Facebook to see when a new blog is posted. Most of all, remember that Indulge is a great FREE resource for women: our team love to create each issue with you, and the women in your world, in mind. So, sit back, grab a coffee and enjoy the latest issue, then share the emagazine with those nearest and dearest. Love
Charissa Charissa Steffens Editor-in-Chief
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Spirit
Full of Life Helen Glen
Every woman has a story... Jane Allen
The Facts of Love & Life Nicky Hurle
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contents
Soul
Body
Paul Colman Trio
Dr Cris Beer
The Boys are Back in Town For the Love of it Paula Vince
Sleep Secrets for a Better Life Candice Schmidt
Developing Resilience in Children
Living Life in the Fast Lane Simply Romantic Fashion Tanya Epis
The Food of Love Candice Schmidt
Barrie Nicholson
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Helen Glen is a mum of seven children... Yes seven! She has birthed many lives and fights for countless more in her role at Priceless Life Centre - a pregnancy support organisation. Helen knows better than most the challenges that arise when a woman is unexpectedly pregnant. As a child of one such pregnancy, she is grateful for her mother's choice. This is Helen's story...
SPIRIT
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Full of Life Words: Helen Glen Photography: Natasha Smith NSP Studio Photography Hair & Make-up: Tanya Epis Hairdresser
In the short story "Three Questions", Russian author Leo Tolstoy describes a king who believed that he would never fail at any enterprise if he had answers to three questions: QWhat is the best time to do each thing?
QWho are the most important people to work
with? QWhat is the most important thing to do in any situation? Many educated men attempted to answer the questions, but each came up with different answers. The king decided to ask a wise hermit in a nearby village. The hermit would only see common folk, so the king disguised himself as a peasant and left his guards behind. When the king arrived, the hermit was digging flower beds. The king asked his questions, but the hermit, not answering, continued digging, so the King offered to dig for a while. After some time, the king again asked his questions. Before the hermit could answer, a man emerged from the woods. He was bleeding from a terrible stomach wound. He stumbled over to the garden bed. The king and hermit tended to the man and, now being late in the day, the three stayed the night in the hermit’s hut. But the king’s three questions were still stirring and unanswered. I was conceived in 1964. My biological mother was full of life and fun, growing up in Sydney in a Catholic family. But things changed for her when she became unexpectedly pregnant. In her early twenties she felt too young to have a baby. She was unprepared, she didn’t love the father and there was no ‘single mother’ financial assistance. An abortion could be found, but not easily. It was a difficult time. I sometimes wonder what choice she would make in similar circumstances today. Perhaps she would have chosen a termination. 12 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
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I
It was a pregnancy that was unintended, unexpected and challenging. This is an age old issue. But there is One for whom there is no surprise, nothing unexpected and nothing too challenging and this One already knew all about me. I had already been given a name. God saw me as I was being formed in the secret parts of my mother’s womb. Elsewhere, a couple was grieving. The young woman cried every month. It was a cruelly similar and yet opposite situation. The menstrual period so desperately awaited when a pregnancy isn’t planned is despised upon arrival when its coming cements the unyielding answer to a deep longing. For this young woman it said, “No pregnancy for you. No baby in your womb. Not now. Not ever”. This couple first adopted a little boy and their joy peaked when a longed-for phone call informed them of a pink bundle awaiting – me! So much potential - waiting to be loved. One month after my birth I became legally theirs. Is life fair? One couple desperate for a child, but unable to conceive and one woman not willing or able to accept the role of motherhood thrust
suddenly upon her. Rather than ask, "Is life fair?" I ask "What is it that God has planned for each one of us?" "For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11 My parents did their best in raising me. They told me from an early age that I was adopted. I grew up always longing to meet my biological mother. I was a vulnerable teenager and I didn’t connect well with my father, although I know he did the best that he could. Adoption is complex; it has its difficulties, but from intimate personal understanding, it is preferable to not being born at all! Imagine a world without ME! Impossible you say!! But statistics say otherwise – whilst there are only about 70 adoptions a year in Australia, there are around 100,000 abortions. I was a young adult, holidaying in New Zealand when I discovered I was pregnant. I clearly remember the swirling feelings - the desperation of feeling trapped in my own body; the nauseating smell of the vinyl raincoat I wore.
"It was a pregnancy that was unintended, unexpected and challenging."
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"... there are only about 70 adoptions a year in Australia, there are around 100,000 abortions." Indulge | February/March 2012 | 15
"Around this time God broke into my life"
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The most important time was now. I only had that to work with. The past was just that - over!
I
I don’t remember which city I was in; nor the pregnancy test, the medical centre, the walk there, whether I was with anyone or alone when I received the news that I was pregnant. I do remember going to the hairdressers afterwards and getting most of my hair cut off, then going to the movies and watching Terms of Endearment. I remember sobbing throughout the movie and I remember my tear streaked face and blood-shot eyes staring back at me in the toilet mirror of the theatre. I remember the phone call to my boyfriend Philip amidst tears and confusion. Back in Brisbane I saw my doctor alone. Why was I alone? I suppose no-one knew what to do, what to say. My doctor suggested abortion, but this was not something I contemplated. I knew even then that each life is priceless and that I would bring my child into this world. Around this time God broke into my life and I had a “road to Damascus experience”. I joined millions of pilgrims that had gone before and with them I chose the road less travelled. Do you know the one? It’s straight and narrow. You can still stumble or even fall over on it, but you don’t stop. You get up and keep going. On this path, there is One who never leaves you, never forsakes you, and He helps to carry your burden. He carried mine. And so, as a young mum, I faced up to the three questions suggested by Tolstoy and answered them in the following way:
The most important people to spend time with were my new baby, my new husband; learning what it meant to be a wife, mother and new Christian. The most important thing for me to do was to be good to those around me. So that is what I did. I had my baby and then some more babies! I read books and thought about things. I did what needed doing in my family, in my church and with friends. Fifteen years ago my reading opened me up to the issue of slavery. I read everything I could lay my hands on from Fredrick Douglas and Harriet Beacher Stowe’s Uncle Tom’s Cabin to stories of Abraham Lincoln, the civil war and stories of the underground railroad. I devoured William Wilberforce, the abolitionist and parliamentarian who pulled history around the corner with the suggestion that slavery was wrong, unjust, and inhumane. As I read I pondered the strangeness of people thinking slavery was ok and how odd it was that Christians had owned slaves, believing that owning humans was just. But this led me to wonder what injustice is accepted now that we don’t recognise?
"...this led me to wonder what injustice is accepted now that we don't recognise?"
Indulge | February/March 2012 | 17
A
After verbalising this thought process, a friend suggested that abortion was one such issue. It was a light bulb moment for me - an epiphany which started me on a quest. After all, I had escaped the net, but how many like me hadn’t? I read all I could about abortion. What I found shocked me and forever convinced me of the value and splendour of life. Recognising the call of God on my life to be a voice for the voiceless, the unborn, I joined Priceless Life Centre - a pregnancy support organisation. In doing so I quickly realised the spiritual battle that is confronted when we seek to defend life. I also found that having courage to do right doesn’t mean that you are unafraid. You choose to do the right thing even if trembling accompanies your actions. But what of the story of the king, the hermit and the wounded man? Well, in the morning the king woke with the wounded man staring at him. He told the king that the day before he had been on his
way to kill the king, angry because of an injustice he had suffered. But the king’s bodyguard stopped him, wounding him. The wounded man, the potential assassin, asked the king for forgiveness and reconciliation was achieved. The king then turned to the wise old hermit and asked again for answers to his three questions, but the hermit replied that the king already had the answers. The hermit went on : “The most important person to be with yesterday was me. I needed help digging. The most important time is now; you only have power over the now. The most important thing to do is good to those in front of you. You helped me and then tended to the wounded man. If you had hurried on your way you would have been killed and no reconcillation would have taken place.” Those three questions remain as signposts in my life, but they are answered.
"Each day I wake with a coal burning the truth about the hurt of abortio 18 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
g on my lips to share the gospel of life, on and that there is forgiveness..." Indulge | February/March 2012 | 19
T
The most important people to spend time with are those I am with right now; whoever sits in front of me; and my unseen brothers and sisters - the unborn. The most important time is now. Each day I wake with a coal burning on my lips to share the gospel of life, the truth about the hurt of abortion and that there is forgiveness for those who have been complicit in ending the life of a child.
Is my life a fairytale? In a way I feel like it is. Philip and I married, had seven fabulous children together and are living happily ever after. And when I hear of a woman experiencing an unexpected pregnancy I say, “Expect some unexpected joy - you can do it! Despite the circumstances of your child’s conception, they were meant to be here on planet earth".
The most important thing to do is good. For me this is standing with the unborn; standing for justice; standing with mothers; sharing the fragrance of Christ to those around me - each one made in God’s image.
My biological mother is still alive. We finally met when I was 25. As a little girl I had fantasised about her being a princess... she wasn’t a princess. We had some lovely times together and some really awful ones too. My parents are elderly and lovely; they adopted four children. And my life’s story is still being written. R
Helen and Phil Glen with their seven children on son Tim's wedding day.
Pregnant? Scared? Contact Us CALL US ON 1800 090 777 www.pregnancyhelpline.org.au www.pricelesslifecentre.org.au Priceless Life Centre PO Box 281 ALDERLEY Q 4051 20 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
Indulge | February/March 2012 | 21
Every woman has a story...
Jane Allen I dabbled in tarot cards, astrology, Guru’s, meditation, Buddhism. Nothing seemed to really satisfy and all roads investigated or travelled only led to more emptiness. At the age of 24 I found out I was pregnant. I had just started going to a church called "C3" in Sydney, as a girlfriend (who had pestered me relentlessly, bless her) finally convinced me to go and I ended up loving it. Despite this, I struggled with completely handing my life over to God as I was still indulging the bad habits that I had grown accustomed to. The Choice: The Termination was booked; I had made my decision to abort my child. The fact that I was not in a relationship and that this was the result of a one night stand, made it seem the most obvious choice. Fear led me to that place, after all it was often my motivation for the majority of poor decisions I had made throughout my life.
Hannah Allen Photography
D
ue to a very strict upbringing, and a very over protective father growing up, once I turned 18, I rebelled in a severe and almost spectacular fashion.
or boundaries and never considered the consequences of my actions. I led a promiscuous lifestyle and took all sorts of drugs in an effort to experience all that the world offered. From Marijuana, Hash and LSD, to Speed and Cocaine; in earlier years I even sniffed aerosol cans just to get a buzz!
I was easily led and because I had not been allowed to make my own decisions as my Dad always made them for me, I became a follower in all the wrong ways. I had no direction
I was destroying my life and not caring about the consequences. Throughout these rebellious years I searched for God, as growing up Catholic was not enough proof for me that God existed.
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The habit of not facing my responsibilities made it easy not to think too seriously about what I was going to do. Running away from my problems had always been the best solution as I was not equipped to deal with my insecurities. But somehow God intervened and I found myself whisked into the office of the Women’s Pastor at C3 Church in Dee Why the day before my abortion was to occur. My life was transformed the day I chose to trust God....
Many words were spoken and tears shed, but when I walked out the door of Ps Annie Jacometti’s office, the choice was made; I was going to have my baby. Now I had to tell my parents I was pregnant, not getting married and that God would look after me. Dad did not take the news well and did not talk to me at all until two weeks before the birth. Mum was fantastic; she just got the knitting needles out, sat down and began making baby jackets. My sister, Jenny, was a great support and she helped me with choosing and contributing to all the baby apparatus which I needed. During my pregnancy there were many doubts and questions about my purpose in life. I remember looking down at my protruding stomach wondering if God could ever use me - an ex-druggie with no vision, about to become a single parent. But God showed his faithfulness time and time again. C3 and the wonderful people that God surrounded me with kept me planted. My faith grew and hope renewed. Like Ps 92:12-14 says "The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree. He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon. Those who plant themselves in the House of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall bear fruit in their old age, they shall be fresh and flourishing" (NIV). On the inside, I began to flourish. Hannah Elizabeth Adams was born on September 30th 1986; her entrance into this world changed my life forever. She mended a fractured family, softened the heart of her adoring grandfather and radically altered my life forever. Hannah has grown into a beautiful young woman who loves God and diligently serves Him. She is loved by all who meet her and she has brought such joy and laugher into our home. Twenty five years on and my life is a testimony to the amazing grace and the unconditional love that comes from believing that miracles do happen! God certainly took care of the desires of my heart (Ps 37); I have been married to Wayne, a wonderful man, for 21years. As well as Hannah (now 25), we have a gorgeous son, Jake, who is 20. We live together in Canberra and attend C3 Monash. In 2004 Wayne adopted Hannah just before her eighteenth birthday so that now our family is complete. My journey has been an amazing one. I was privileged to be women’s pastor at C3 Monash for eight years and I enjoyed imparting into the lives of other women, helping them to connect to God and to our church.
Today I am the Principal of Styledge Image Consulting. My passion has always been to empower and equip women and because of this, I have developed the “Love the skin you’re in” workshops for churches and communities. With this programme, I can help women embrace who they are and help them to understand and accept themselves from the inside out. Women today suffer from low self-esteem and often have a poor body image. We are expected to live up to a standard that we either can’t afford or maintain, and this puts undue pressure upon every woman, when we already live in a very fast paced 21st century. Our time is valuable and scarce; trying to be someone we are not is not the way we should do life. I want women to know that it doesn’t matter where you’ve come from or what you have done, God has a plan for your life. Don’t allow your past or present to hinder you anymore. Make a choice to pursue Him with all that is within you and be amazed at what He will do in you, with you and through you. I am living proof that God takes who you are and breathes His life, His Spirit, His grace and His love into the very core of your being and transforms you into the very best you. Dare to believe, as I have, that all things are possible. R
Jane Allen is the Principal
Consultant of Styledge Image Consulting whose vision statement, “Why look good when you can look great” expresses her focus on helping you learn to maximize your image. She instinctively relates to women young and old and has the wonderful gift of encouragement and exhortation.
Jane also is co-author of her new eBook “Your Personal Style Formula” and also the developer of Love The Skin You’re In, a Style and Image program for churches. Jane attends C3Monash, ACT with her gorgeous husband, Wayne and has two amazing children, Hannah and Jake who still live at home with all their friends, it seems. For more information go to Jane's website www.styledge.com.au
Indulge | February/March 2012 | 23
The Facts of Love & Life
wanting David’s children, not someone else’s. This was a decision I made... we made... over twenty years ago now, and I don’t regret it one bit; nor have I blamed David for something over which he has no control. We did what many couples in our situation do; sought to proceed with the adoption process within New Zealand and Australia. There are not many children for adoption in either country. Social Welfare departments laud this as an achievement in that they now work closely with families to try to keep children born within their own family unit. They offer welfare payments including the baby bonus, family tax benefit, childcare benefits and various other allowances. This has certainly been a factor in the drop in numbers of children available for adoption, with statistics showing that in the 1971-72 period 9798 adoptions took place, whereas in 2003-04 there were 502.
However, there has been another largely impacting factor in the number of children available for adoption and that is the increased legal access to terminations, that is; the Action Bringing Outrageous Result, Terminating Important Organism Needlessly: ABORTION. In 2005 the department of Health and Ageing estimated the number of terminations Words: Nicky Hurle at about 83,000 per year, but this is Photography: Natasha Smith NSP Studio Photography a wildly inaccurate number as only SA, WA and NT collect statistics on bring a life from that union; forever t has been my experience abortions and these reflect only those seeking an outlet for the mentoring, that life doesn’t always that resulted in a Medicare claim. They parenting and imparting that they bring you love and love carry so heavily as a burden for others. do not report on the many women who terminate in QLD, NSW and VIC doesn’t always bring you life. (our most populous states), use post There are people in the world who My husband, David, and I are what is have been given life, but have not considered an ‘infertile couple’. One in conception drugs such as RU486, have been received gladly into the ensuing six couples will discover for a variety of the procedure as patients in the public relationships they have formed... reasons that they are unable to produce system, or those who do not submit a searching desperately for love, these offspring and we drew the short straw. claim. individuals have endured rather than The problem lies in sperm production In 2005 there were 811 recognised enjoyed life. Then there are those who for us, of which David has none, and have found the love with another that despite being fertile myself, I have not abortion providers, with 205 public hospitals providing abortions. It is we all seek, but have been unable to sought the solution of donor sperm,
I
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known that there are “career” abortionists who take advantage of the Medicare rebates. In 2005 there were 11 doctors who each did more than 2,000 Medicare funded abortions for the year. That’s an average 38.5 abortions a week or nearly 8 per day (based on a 5 day working week).1
abortions were provided for the following reasons: assault – 1; real and specified medical condition – 16; pre-existing psychiatric disorder – 4; serious handicap of the foetus – 141; mental health of the woman – 4726.1 Mental health becomes the unspecified excuse used for the deliberate disposal of a human life.
‘It’s the mother’s choice... it’s her body... she should have the right to decided.’ These are all familiar complaints from those who have a voice and when you look at the recorded abortions and the reasons for them, it is not hard to see that they are heard. In 2006 in South Australia
Most women who undergo an abortion in Australia choose the vacuum aspiration method, which basically sucks the foetus from the wall of the uterus, dismembering it as it does so. These abortions occur
Indulge | February/March 2012 | 25
1 http://www.humanrightsforunbornchildren.com/facts/24.html
The Facts of Love & Life... continued usually in the 6th – 15th week of pregnancy. The child in uteri is alive and growing at a staggering rate. It has facial features and its own blood type. The major musculature has developed and its heart is beating. It is able to feel pain and as you can imagine, this death is terrifying and excruciating. This tiny life has been snuffed out and its voice has never been heard! Some babies are born alive after other procedures and are left to die in a bucket or on a bench, despite having the basic human right of medical attention. Most of these deaths are not reported. A coroner’s hearing in Darwin reported how ‘Jessica Jane’, was born alive and left to die in a Darwin hospital in 1998 after a botched abortion. Northern Territory coroner, Greg Cavanagh, was told of how Jessica’s tiny but perfect little body, was slipped into a stainless steel dish and left alone in a room where she cried until she died, 80 minutes later. At the inquest Cavanagh called, he was also told that other late-term babies had been born alive after abortions in the NT, only to be left to die. And none of those deaths had been officially reported or publicised.2i Once you register in New Zealand or Australia to adopt and go through the vetting and training weekends, you may have a wait of up to 15 years, before you are successful in becoming a parent. The waiting lists are long, the babies are few and overseas adoption costs are prohibitive for most couples. Yet, everyday right across the expanse of Australia, young lives are sacrificed because they are an inconvenience. How many women and men might have the privilege of becoming parents if this carnage were stopped? How many regrets might never see the light of day? How much pain could be spared for both birth mother and barren wife? God is good. I have had the opportunity, along with David, to mentor and ‘parent’ many children and young people through teaching, youth groups and now at the Australian Institute of Sport. God’s word to me after the discovery of our situation was; "Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband, says the LORD". (Isaiah 54:1 NIV) He has truly blessed us both with access to, and influence in, the lives of many. I, and I am sure many others, take comfort in the fact that each one of these lost lives is now at home in the Father’s arms receiving the comfort and succour of which they are deserving.
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Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV) sums up the place of these little ones in the Father’s heart, and indeed, my own: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." For David and I, the wounds have become scars, easily irritated, but healed over. For many, their journey through infertility is just beginning and there is much pain and heartache ahead. I don’t envy you, but I do know what you’re going through... so does God. He will be with you every step of the way, sharing your tears, your fears and your burden. Revelation 21:4 (NIV) promises "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away". For those embarking on the scary decisions associated with having an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy, please stop: get all the advice you can... think about what the older you will want or feel... let the voice of your unborn child speak to you of all its potential and promise... pray... and may God bless you as you make your resolutions. R 1 http://www.humanrightsforunbornchildren.com/facts/24.html
Nicky is a talented and passionate educator who has taught in both Primary and Secondary school in a career that is a vocational calling. She has a Biblical Diploma and a recently completed Masters in Gifted Education. Her involvement with young people spans more than twenty years in various roles including youth leader and mentor. Nicky is currently a House Parent at the Australian Institute of Sport in Canberra where, with her husband David, she is responsible for looking after the welfare of residential athletes. She is presently writing her first novel and loves reading, movies and music.
An evening of *all women welcome
Tuesday 21 February 7pm-9pm
Arrive at 7pm for espresso coffee, delicious supper & twilight markets
You are invited to an evening of entertainment & inspiration With Guest Speakers Jane Averill & Joy Graetz Plus an opportunity to support Aurukun in Northern Queensland & Hope Foundation Tickets $5 per person, now available at the connect desk, church office or online Held at Nexus Church 151 Flockton St, Everton Park, Ph 3353 1377 www.nexuschurch.com.au Indulge | February/March 2012 | 27
SOUL PC3
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r PC etu 3 The boys are r r e Pback in town t C u 3 r I r n e C3 tur ret n P u 3re rn tur PC n e Words: Charissa Steffens Photography: Natasha Smith NSP Studio Photography
t is no wonder that the Paul Colman Trio or PC3 as they are known in our acronymloving world, took the Australian Christian Music Charts by storm with their debut release in 1999, titled “Serious Fun”. Their infectious melodies, undeniable stage chemistry and clever lyrics made sure that this trio of seriously fun Melbourne boys; Paul Colman, Grant Norsworthy and Phil Gaudion, shot straight to the top in their industry.
With such meteoric success they released a further two albums in Australia (“Turn” (2000) and “Live” (2001)) and then left our shores and headed for America where they continued to climb to even greater heights. They toured with super band Third Day, released a fourth album, were nominated for a Grammy Award and won a Dove Award (American Christian Music Award) in 2002 for “Best New Artist”.
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Then in 2004, they took a break, or as Grant referred to it once, a ‘pause’, from their trio personas and followed individual pursuits. What ensued was a whirlwind of successful projects for all three with Paul and Grant joining American bands Newsboys and Sonicflood and releasing solo albums, while Phil chose to return to Australia to produce and record music with other bands.
Now they are back! After performing at Easterfest in 2009, PC3 decided it was time to make a new album and “Return” was released in early 2011. I caught up with Paul Colman and Grant Norsworthy as they toured Australia early last month. It was a thrill to walk into their sound check and hear all those crazy tunes that I loved from years ago as well as their new material, which has a depth that can only come from the journey they have walked. Their passion for Jesus is still undeniable, their presence undoubtedly infectious, but most of all, as you will see in this interview, it is their love for each other and the ministry they share that is most captivating.
n P 3re C rn 3 r PC etu n P 3re C3 tur r PC etu 3re rn C3 tur r n “Return” is your first album together since 2003. Is the title of the album simply about your reunion as a group?
GN: Paul’s wife came up with the name. The recurring theme for the record is not just the idea of a return by PC3 to making music, but a return to our relationships and a return to our particular brand of presenting songs about life and God. It didn’t escape us that we had an album called ‘Turn” but we were careful not to say “Return” because this is not “Turn” sides three and four. It’s a return to a lot of good things from our past, before we took a break in 2004; it’s not really a secret that there were strained relationships as well as a desire to just take a break. PC: We are all pretty serious Mac enthusiasts, so the artwork (for Return) is reminiscent of the front of a Mac keyboard and instead of enter it has ‘return’. We figure if Jesus were here on Earth he would be a Mac user (laughing). In 2004 you decided to take a break from being PC3 and go your separate ways. Do you think that those break years, perusing other projects, (Paul spent time with Newsboys and as a solo artist, Grant released his own album, and Phil producing/teaching) has brought a greater depth to you as a reformed group?
GN: Yes but not just with the things we have done for our jobs, I think God has done a healing in each of us. There has been some growth and some healing and some maturity happening that we just didn’t have back then.
PC: I would definitely say that. When I was standing at sound check (this afternoon) I got overwhelmed when I looked over at Grant and over at Phil and I just felt so fortunate that they were still my friends. They have seen the absolute worst of me, 100 per cent the worst, and that means everything to me. I think some years apart, particularly for Grant and I, because when we parted ways, Grant and I had wounded each other quite deeply, that time apart I feel totally grateful for and I have not one thing against him in my heart at all. It is one of the amazing, yet difficult aspects of being a Christian, that ability to forgive and be forgiven.
PC: Forgiveness is life and unforgiveness is death and it is really costly, but the euphoric freedom is amazing. Forgiveness is expensive and it is not fair, fair is not a word that has anything to do with God, fair is a human word.
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What happened to bring you back together? PC: I got called on behalf of the band by the organisers of Easterfest. I thought about it for a little while before I called Phil and Grant, and then we agreed on a constitution of how to manage the band in the future, with money, with agreements, with everything. Did you not have those boundaries set in place previous to your break? GN: It wasn’t as nailed down as it should have been. PC: …As the leader, I had no idea of how to lead in those ways and I had a lot of lessons to learn in areas like ethics, character and I didn’t know what I wanted either. I unfortunately didn’t respect these guys and I have apologised for that, but that also means that it has to be different. So I thought for about a month before I called them (to reunite) and I wanted it to be different, and it has been, it has been amazing. GN: And all our personal hygiene is better than then too, (laughing) which has helped. Did it take a while to reconnect as a band or did you find it was quite natural to be back together? PC and GN: No (shaking heads and laughing) it didn’t take any time it was just… Bang! We’re back! PC: I think the thing that has always been amazing is our chemistry; it is not something you can put together. I have known Grant for about 30 years (teenagers) and I have known Phil from our early 20’s. I was in his wedding party. So we have known each other a long time. But Phil and Grant come from being very tight and professional, playing in cover bands where accuracy is required. I come from almost the opposite; I never wanted to learn anything properly and I wanted to improvise every moment. I think they taught me a lot about precision and I dragged them over the line in regards to improvisation… it needed two of them or maybe three of them (laughing), but that is one of the reasons I think we work. We have always drawn the good things out of each other. 32 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
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But coming back together and making the Return album, which I am extremely proud of, it has been such a pleasurable experience to make that record. One of my fears was that Grant and I would just fight the whole time about music because we can see it pretty differently, but we really didn’t’. It was amazing. GN: It was the most collaborative record we have ever done. PC: (Smiling) It is surprising, what happens when you listen to people, I have found. People have some amazing things to say… Jesus talked a lot about others (Grant chuckling)… I never read those bits much. Seriously, it was great. It was very healing. GN: There is a song on the album called “5’s&6’s”, which is the first Paul Colman Trio Duet. PC: It’s our “Islands In The Stream” moment. GN: It is a duet between Paul and I. The album is an eclectic mix of songs; you have everything on there from a worshipful tune in “The Gathering” to the unusual “Judge Judy” song. Do you intentionally set out to choose songs that have such breadth or is it just what flows in the creative process? PC: It’s not intentional, it is just what happens. GN: …There is an enjoyment of all these different styles, because you have this melting pot of different influences and tastes in music; when you come together and you start throwing around ideas, it is just what happens. There is a song on there called “Wannabe” which I started and it was almost this hard rock, heavy metal riff and I brought it to the group and Paul was like “I’d love it to be a Paul Colman song, but we couldn’t do that. Could we?” and he just brought this swampy blues to it and a harmonica and it was a style that I never would have dreamed of for it, but I really enjoyed. PC: I think the variety in the writing comes because we are eclectic as people. As far as people go, I have a very wide circle of friends; I do not have one type of friend and I do not enjoy having one type of friend. When I was in the Newsboys the running gag was that in every city I went to, I
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had a guest list even in St Petersburg, Russia or Beijing, China or Finland, Norway. I had people on my guest list that I knew because when I visited that city before, I made a friend. I don’t like being on my own and so when I think of songs I am thinking of particular people. We like everyone to be there, we like the melting pot of people. I think our influence is more through our relationships than our music.
What is your favourite song from the Return album? GN: It depends, sometimes it “5’s& 6’s” and sometimes it is “Salt Of The Earth”… I find myself wanting to dig into some of the meatier songs.
PC: I think that is why we didn’t really crack it big in America; we were too eclectic for them.
PC: I listen to “5’s & 6’s” and “Wannabe” because both those songs lyrically for me came out of therapy. So they’re therapeutic to listen to, cause I paid a lot of money for those songs (both laughing). They have a lot of value; the first one is about a conversation with the Devil and the second one a conversation with Grant… two very different entities.
GN: They didn’t know what pigeonhole to put us in.
GN: (Laughing) Thank you.
GN: Oh yeah (nodding).
PC: They like their Christian music to be a certain way and we were a little too eclectic for them to promote.
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What would you say is the signature of your music? What differentiates you from other artists? GN: We call it ‘serious fun’, which is the name of the first album. I think it is our ability to grapple with serious issues in a fun way or to flip a page from being very serious to being almost flippant. I think that sets us apart a bit. Also Paul has a way of saying things that few lyricists would dare to write. PC: Really? GN: Yeah. PC: Like what. GN: Not many people would write “Wannabe”. It is being brutally honest about yourself. When I listen to what’s referred to as Christian music, people are prepared to say "There are things that are not right God", but they won’t name what they are. Paul’s lyrics are more like the Psalms than any of his contemporaries that I can think of.
Having journeyed through life a little now and being experienced musicians and Christians; if you could go back and give your twenty year old self some advice what would you say? GN: Stop listening to the voice that condemns and listen to the voice that convicts. They are two different things and don’t get them confused. PC: I need a few bullet points – It is all about the songs Serve the thing that you’re best at instead of trying to do everything Spend more time talking to God than talking about him. Find out who you are so that you will interact with people better Find the roots in your behaviour rather than dealing with the symptoms Let people into your life and listen to them What is ahead for PC3, will there be more albums?
You do most of the songwriting Paul?
GN: We don’t have any plans as yet.
PC: I used to.
PC: I’ve got a feeling we will…
♦
GN: Yes, that is right. PC: Although my two favourite songs on the album would not have existed without Grant. He started them. I brought what I did to them so that I felt like I could sing them… that’s what co-writing is. GN: That is what I had always hoped from the beginning with the Paul Colman Trio was that I could write a song, but I know from being a singer myself that for Paul Colman to be able to sing this song he has to be able to stamp his ownership on it; so I bring these half-baked cakes to him so he can finish them. PC: I actually had a guy come up to me in my Dad’s church a few weeks ago and he told me that “5’s & 6’s” was the song that God used to pull him out of a major depression. That was amazing to me. When you write something from your gut and it connects with someone else in a totally different environment. It is amazing how He doesn’t wait for you to be fixed before He uses you.
GIVEAWAYS! We have a signed copy of PC3's "Return" and a signed copy of Grant's just released solo album "Resident Alien" to give away. Simply email us at info@indulgemagazine. com.au with your name, address and name one song off each album to be entered into the giveaway. www.paulcolmantrio.com www.grantnorsworthy.com For Terms & Conditions see page 4
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For the Love of it!
dawned on me that I’d love to write fiction. If I had characters of my own to imagine plots for, I could stay with them for as long as I pleased and craft their stories to suit myself. Writing and promoting my fiction has not been an easy road. At first, I was told that I might as well not bother because Australian Christians do not read fiction! There were no publishers of Australian Christian fiction then. I kept coming across fellow Christians who believe fiction is a waste of time as they deem it ‘lightweight’, preferring to deal with the ‘real world.’ At one stage, I tried to write non-fiction instead, believing that fiction was a dead-end. However, I kept getting ideas for story plots, which excited me. I’ve been inspired by dreams, newspaper articles and passing remarks. I’ve come to recognize a spark in my brain that tells me, I think this might work. One day, I was working on an idea for a non-fiction newsletter, which made me exhausted, so I decided to write a story instead. As soon as I began working with my characters and jotting down their dialogue, I found myself saying, “I love this.” Straight away, I sensed a reply in my spirit. “I know! Keep going!” It was one of those lucid moments when I felt certain God was speaking directly to my heart.
Words: Paula Vince Photography: Peter Sara
I
t was a shock decision by the Omega Writers to award their annual Grand Prize to a fiction novel in 2011. For Paula Vince it was a dream come true. Here Paula shares about her journey to the top and her passion for Christian fiction.
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I’ve had a passion for a well-written story since I was very small. I’ve always been an avid reader. Whenever I came to the end of a good novel, I’d be depressed for days because I wanted to know even more about all the characters I’d come to love. I used to imagine my own future stories for them until I’m sure I had enough ideas to fill several more books. One day, when teachers were asking us what we’d like to do when we left school, it
Over time, I’ve come to understand that writing stories is a noble calling. I’ve tried to help people understand that providing readers with something wholesome and faith-filled during their leisure hours is a wonderful calling. For this reason, I’m thrilled that a fiction novel was selected as the grand winner of this year’s CALEB prize over memoirs, devotionals, selfhelp and general non-fiction titles. I’ve realised that a story has its own awesome power to touch readers’ hearts in ways other genres do not. A personal development book may give
us great advice but a story in which we grow to care for the hero has the potential to remain in our hearts for a long time. I love the challenge of making people laugh, cry and cheer. I enjoy getting scolded because my books have kept people up long past their bedtime. In Best Forgotten, I’ve tried to weave together elements of mystery, suspense and redemption. A young accident victim wakes up in hospital without a clue who he is. Not only does he have nothing in common with his family, but he develops an aversion to the person he used to be. He cannot understand the way he used to behave or the choices he made. The more he learns about himself, the more puzzled and upset he becomes. He discovers that his best friend disappeared without a trace on the night of his own accident. His girlfriend is strangely aloof and he cannot shake off a feeling that the answer to the mystery will prove even more unpleasant than his amnesia. The more he tries to investigate, the more likely it appears that he was involved in something really shady and sinister. He senses that something bad is after him so he’s torn between wanting to find out and being scared that he’ll have to face horrible consequences when he does. He is both hero and detective of his story and terrified that he may also turn out to be the villain. I’ve been fascinated by the relationship between our thinking patterns and what we make of our lives. How is a person’s personality shaped by the sum of his experiences? To what extent do the thoughts we choose to think make us into the people we are? Do our seemingly random choices have the ability to come back when least expected and impact the rest of our lives? When readers discover the mystery, hopefully they’ll say, ‘Wow, I never saw that coming!’ I love it when a work of fiction not only entertains readers, but changes us at the core by getting us to think about how what we’ve read within the pages may also apply to our lives. I believe novelists have a responsibility to offer readers the very best and it’s a quest I take seriously. As readers, when we see believable ways in which God has worked in the lives and hearts of characters, we sometimes begin to notice similar patterns in our own. I hope that making people happy through my novels may spill over into other areas of their lives. I’ve read about a scientific experiment in which it was discovered that readers of fiction tend to be kinder and more empathetic
than people who don’t read fiction. I love to think that fiction authors are helping with people’s well-being. To date, I’ve written seven novels. Four of these, including Best Forgotten, are set in my familiar environment, the beautiful Adelaide Hills. With its distinct seasons, I think it deserves to feature in novels. One of my other novels, Picking up the Pieces, also received an award earlier this year. It won first place in the faith-inspired fiction section of the International Book Awards 2011. My publisher is Even Before Publishing (EBP), the Christian imprint of Brisbane publisher Wombat Books. I have been working with EBP since 2009, seeing many fine titles, both fiction and non-fiction, released to the market in this time. My novels are available from Koorong, Word and other good Christian bookstores, Amazon.com and directly from my own website, www.appleleafbooks.com. I invite you to visit my website if you’d like to read about my other titles too. R
GIVEAWAY
Would you like to read Paula's award winning novel? We have two copies to giveaway. Simply email us at info@indulgemagazine.com.au and include your name, address and the title of two of Paula's books. For Terms & Conditions see page 4.
Paula Vince is a wife and homeschooling mother of three children, who lives in South Australia’s Adelaide Hills. She has always loved writing fiction as she believes a well-written story has the power to stir hearts like nothing else. The author of seven novels to date, one of her earlier works, Picking up the Pieces, was the winner of the religious fiction category of the 2011 International Book Awards. Indulge | February/March 2012 | 39
Sleep Secrets for a Better Life
the evening or they find it hard to get their kids to bed on time.
THE RESULT: Reduced academic performance
A tired brain finds it harder to concentrate, remember information and is more easily distracted. CA sleep deprivation study on a group of students revealed that sixth graders, missing one hour of sleep a night, performed in class at the level of a fourth grader. CEvery 15 minutes of lost sleep can drop an average grade A student to being a grade B student and 30 minutes less sleep can drop the results further to a C. CDelaying a child’s bedtime by one hour over the weekend has been shown to significantly reduce your child’s test result performance on the Monday back at school.
Emotional instability and ADHD (Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder): Studies show sleep deprived children struggle to see the positive and are more tuned to the negative. The emotional part of the brain has been shown to be up to 60% more reactive. If your child is irritable, overactive, seeks constant stimulation, lacks focus, is moody, misbehaves, shows aggression and is non-compliant, then they may not be getting enough sleep.
Words:Candice Schmidt
M
ore zzzz's - the key to better behaviour, better mood, a smaller waistline and a higher IQ! We know that after a good night’s sleep we feel better, our thoughts are clearer, we are more productive and our emotions are less fragile but I was surprised at what research is revealing about the effects of too little sleep, especially for children.
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If your child gets up easily in the morning, is alert and happy for most of the day and settles to sleep easy then that is a good sign of enough sleep. However, Po Bronson, author of Nurtureshock, shares research showing children are averaging an hour less sleep a night than 30 years ago. Children now are more likely to be overstimulated, especially through TV/ computers/gaming and many activities (homework, sport, dance, part-time jobs, and so on). Working parents may keep kids up to spend time together in
Increase in medical conditions such as Obesity
Sleep Deprivation: CAffects our cardiovascular, endocrine, immune and nervous systems. CIncreases the hormone that tells you to eat and reduces the hormone that suppresses appetite. You also crave foods that are high in sugar and fat. CIncreases the stress hormone Cortisol which stimulates the body to make fat. Diet, exercise and sleep are keys to good health.
TEENAGERS
HELP YOUR KIDS SLEEP BETTER:
Research is showing our teens need more sleep. Puberty changes the body clock to not release the sleep inducing chemical melatonin until around 90 minutes after dark therefore teens want to stay up later and sleep in later. The concern is poor bedtime habits and early school wake ups are resulting in insufficient sleep. The result is difficulties at school, discipline problems, sleepiness in class, poor concentration, poorer grades, low self-esteem, depression, ADHD symptoms and more teen car accidents. In addition teens can have more difficulty controlling impulses and emotions, exercise poor judgement and engage in risky behaviour.
Routine: A study showed kids who had a bedtime routine went to sleep faster, woke up less in the night and behaved better, while mums had a better mood the next day. It helps to have a bedtime routine and if necessary, gradually shift bedtime earlier each night till you reach a desired bedtime. Start a routine about 30 minutes before bed such as bathing, brushing teeth, storytime, prayers and “goodnight”. Bedtime should be positive and it is a great time to connect and chat about the day past and the day ahead. Age-appropriate touch plus a “love you” can send them to sleep feeling all is right in their world. After the routine let them know “it’s time to sleep”. The routine must be the same every night (same order), you need to avoid activities that get your child excited (active games, watching TV etc.), and don’t extend the routine or make exceptions (when they ask for five more minutes!)
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Sleep Secrets for a Better Life... continued TIPS: C
Three - five year olds need 11-13 hours sleep a day including naps. C Children in primary school need 10-12 hours sleep per night. C Teens in high school should sleep about 9-10 hours per night. C Go to bed at a similar time each night C Check the room – Is the bed comfy? Are there distractions? We sleep better in cool, dark, quiet rooms. C Stop homework, TV, computer or any brain stimulating activity an hour before bed. Television, smart phones, ipads, and computers should not be in the bedroom. The light from a television or computer can delay both the necessary drop in core body temperature and melatonin production that makes you sleepy resulting in you feeling awake and struggling to fall sleep. Have a basket in the living area for children/teens to leave their electronic devices till morning. C Talk with the family why they need a good nights sleep. C Have a “lights out” policy at a set time if necessary! C Exercise for 20-30 minutes a day a few hours before bed. C Keep the routine in the holidays and make sure they are still getting enough sleep. C Caffeine in soft drinks, coffee, tea and chocolate and alcohol in the evening can make going to sleep difficult. C Encourage naps or sleep-ins to catch up. C Be a good role model – you need sleep too! C Lack of sleep and exhaustion stimulates the stress hormone cortisol that can take six times as long to drop to a low enough level to sleep. Hence that tired feeling but can’t sleep.
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The good news is better sleep can improve our lives. It may take a bit of time and effort to train the family to have good sleep habits (seek professional help if necessary) but I hope you experience a happier, healthier, more energetic, thinner, smarter and more productive result too! R
Live Laugh Love Candice
Candice desires to see people thrive in every area of life. She has been married for 16 years to a Paediatrician and they have lived in South Africa, New Zealand and Canada but have called the Gold Coast, Australia home for the past 5 years. They have four children between the ages of 5 and 13. Her passion is to “Live well, laugh often, love much”. She has a Degree in Psychology and a Diploma in Counselling. She loves to help people live to their full God-given potential spirit, soul and body. She enjoys counselling and watching God bring healing and restoration. She is a trained facilitator of 'Toolbox Parenting' which offers families hot tips on parenting well.
! K O T O N S ’ T I
N O H T A M I SW
SATURDAY 25TH
FEBRUARY 2012
BRISBANE GRAMMAR
SCHOOL INDOOR POOL
SWIM WITH THE STARS! INCLUDING JADE EDMIStONE 5 tIME wORLD RECORD HOLDER!
ALL AGES WELCOME PRIZES • CELEBRITY SWIMMERS • SPORTING PERSONALITIES
REGIStER ONLINE At www.itsnotok.com Be involved, fun for all ages and abilities Supporting SHE Rescue Home in Cambodia
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Building Resilience in Children - Part 2 "Assertiveness is aimed at standing up for one’s rights in such a way that the rights of other people are not violated." (Back and Back 1991, cited in Suckling & Temple 2001, p.110)
"Assertiveness is also about regaining control and empowerment to take back whatever valuable feelings of confidence, beliefs in oneself and positive self-constructs that faulty socialisation processes and bullying have taken away." (Randall 1996, cited in Suckling & Temple 2001, p.110)
When students are encouraged to investigate and trust their inner world (thoughts, feelings and attitudes) and have this supported with a repertoire of strategies for assertiveness, they will be more able to handle peer pressure.
Words:Barrie Nicholson
H
olidays are over and many parents say, “Thank you!!" and the children are back to school again. Interaction with other students will often bring about social challenges. Following on from the previous article in the November issue of Indulge, we look now at more ways of helping students feel good
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about themselves and how to deal effectively with more aggressive or “pushy” students. Students need to be taught as early as possible how to ASSERT THEMSELVES EFFECTIVELY. If students are able to express their feelings and needs while being respectful of others, they will be neither bully nor victim. These two definitions give an excellent idea of the reclaiming power of assertiveness.
Learning how to be assertive in a variety of situations is a necessary life-skill that students can apply not only when they are threatened but in many everyday circumstances; conflict is a part of everyday life. Empowering students with the skills to understand the consequences and repercussions of their behaviour and the belief that they have a choice about this is a prerequisite for adulthood. To avoid becoming the target of bullying, students need to be made aware of behaviour (in actions, tone of voice, words and body language) that may make them vulnerable. Reactions that are either aggressive
or passive may equally make students vulnerable to being bullied. When students behave in an aggressive and/or passive manner they may inadvertently reward or satisfy the bullies. Hence the target is at risk of further victimisation. Moving students out of reactive behaviour into another way of operating that is known as Neutral Zone is important. This zone describes the mind space where students find themselves when they choose not to react to a situation, verbally or in action, with either aggression or passivity. One way to encourage students to build resilience and inner strength and stay in the Neutral Zone, is to ask them to visualise a clear plastic safety shield surrounding and protecting them. When nasty, mean words are directed to them, they bounce back to where they came from. It is imperative that students are able to make clear distinctions between the terminologies passive, aggressive and assertive so they can gauge their own and others’ behaviour. Below are some helpful definitions and exercises that you can practice with your children to help build their confidence through assertive communication.
Defintions Aggressive behaviour: is hurtful to another person (Verbal or physical threats or actions, fighting, bullying, gossip). Passive behaviour: is avoiding the problem and letting someone be disrespectful to you (ignoring the issue, avoiding, letting another get their own way all the time). Assertive behaviour: is allowing others to know about your needs and wants whilst considering their needs and wants. It is a win-win situation.
Practicing Assertive Communication Assertive language helps to handle conflict in a nonthreatening way.
Active Listening
*Be encouraging – Use neutral words to help the other person say how they feel and state in your own words what you hear them say. *Reflect – Listen carefully and clarify, use eye contact, ask nonjudgmental questions, show you are interested in what they are saying. *Understanding – Give the person time to speak and wait for their responses, listen to what they are saying and don’t interrupt or correct. It is not about who is right, it is about learning to listen to another person's needs.
I Messages
These messages are solution-focused and a respectful way of letting the person know of your concerns and what you want to see happen. *Use eye contact *Tell the person “I have a problem with…” *Describe the problem or behaviour in a non-threating way “When you do this… I feel…” *Tell the person how you feel about the problem “I feel…” *Then ask two questions: 1) “If you continue this behaviour, will it make our relationship better or worse?” (Wait for a response) 2) “Do you want our relationship to get better or worse?” (Wait for a response) ♦ www.education.com, viewed 2 February 2012
Suckling, A. & Temple, C 2001, Bullying A Whole School Approach, ACER, Melbourne Barrie Nicholson is the Deputy Head of Primary at King’s Christian College, Reedy Creek, Gold Coast. Barrie has been involved in education for almost 40 years, as well as pastoral care work for over 16 years. He is a father of four, and grandfather of six. He has a passion for helping children grow in resilience, especially when encountering situations where others might try to bully them, as well as working alongside parents in encouraging them to allow their children to accept responsibility for their own actions and to develop their social skills.
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BODY
Time for Romance
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Photography: Natasha Smith NSP Studio Photography
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Living Life in the Fast Lane Keeping on Track with Your New Year's Resolutions
Step One – Consolidating Conviction
Remembering why you made that particular resolution will provide the conviction to continue moving towards your goal even when you don’t feel like it. As Holocaust survivor and well-known author of Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl once put it, “You can live with any what, any how, if you have a strong enough why.” (emphasis added)
Step Two – Momentum Words:Cris Beer
W
hat was your New Year’s resolution this year? Have you stuck to it now that life has returned to being as busy as ever?
being more patient with the motherin-law. Yours may have been similar. Whatever it was, often we can lose track around this time of year when good intent goes out the window and life returns to being hectic. So what are some tips to staying on track?
Common New Year’s resolutions often bandied with great intent include losing the Christmas bulge, finding time to relax more often, taking more holidays, cleaning out the closet, or
These tips may not seem original but when consistently applied will work for you in achieving any goal or meeting any challenge.
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Just start today moving towards your goal. As the adage goes, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. This creates a sense of momentum. As renowned philosopher and entrepreneur Jim Rohn once said, “Every small discipline put into place leads to other and greater disciplines.” Never discount small beginnings.
Step Three – Review Your Goal
If you are having a hard time achieving your goal, consider that perhaps it may not be attainable. The best way to determine if your goal is attainable is to analyse it with the SMART format.
Using SMART format is your goal: uSpecific uMeasurable uAchievable uRealistic uTime-framed
Step Seven – Create Accountability
Measurable – I will eat breakfast initially three times per
This brings up the last point. Create accountability whereby others are aware of your goal and cheering you on. This is important. Studies have shown that those that lose weight and manage to keep it off 12 months after losing it (which is only 5% of dieters mind you!) are those that have an accountability partner. Write your goals on the fridge with Day 1 to Day 30 written across the page. Every time you meet a goal tick it as achieved for that day. At the end of the week or month, count up how many times you achieved that goal. If the total number is greater than 50% or 75% of the time, or whatever percentage figure you deem as the ‘pass rate’, then reward yourself. Keep in mind that you do not get marks off for not achieving that goal on a particular day!
Achievable – I will do this for two weeks and then
Step Eight – Reward Yourself
For example, say you wish to start eating breakfast in the mornings. Applying the SMART format to this goal would look something like:
Specific – I will eat breakfast. week.
attempt to increase the number of days per week that I eat breakfast.
Realistic – I will forgive myself if I forget one day. Time-framed – I will do this for two weeks. Step Four – Focussed Attention
Often we try and change all our ‘undesirable’ behaviours at once. This is a sure way to failure. Don’t forget, you have been practicing these behaviours for a long time otherwise they wouldn’t have become habitual. The most successful approach discovered is that of focussing on one, or at most up to three, small behavioural changes at any one time.
Step Five – Be Consistent
Studies have shown that it takes 21-30 days to create a habit and 90 days to create a lifestyle. So consistency it seems is the key to success. Practice makes perfect as they say. Once your behavioural change becomes an unconscious habit i.e. it is no longer something you have to force yourself to do but rather you automatically do, then you can move on to the next goal.
Step Six – Forgive Yourself
We all have times when we relapse into our old behaviours. This is a normal and acceptable part of behaviour change. Don’t give up! Choose to reframe this relapse as an ‘off-focus’ time. Instead of aspiring to never have this happen, pre-empt its inevitable occurrence and plan a strategy to get yourself back in-focus. For example, if you find yourself yelling at the kids when you vowed you wouldn’t this year, your strategy may be to have a ‘Lost It’ jar. So that every time you lose it with the kids, you put $20 in and they get to spend the money. Nothing hurts more than money wasted!
As alluded to in Step Seven, reward yourself when you have exceeded your pass rate. This should include something you would really like to have or do. Some would say we have lost the satisfaction of delayed gratification: waiting to have something until we have deserved it. Your reward doesn’t need to cost a lot of money or be extravagant. Just a little bit of luxury e.g. a pair of new earrings or pedicure etc. Make sure that your reward is a non-food reward if your goal was to lose weight! With these simple strategies in mind saying goodbye to rehashing last year’s resolutions will be a sure thing.
Dr Cris now has her own website that you can visit for helpful health tips! www.drcris.com.au Dr Cris MBBS (hons), BBMedSci, ACNEM Primary Course, P.T. As an expert in nutritional medicine Dr Cris specialises not just in the prevention and treatment of illnesses, but in the attaining of optimum health. She believes that this state is achievable for anyone and passionately shares this message as a media personality. Dr Cris believes a person can develop resistance to illnesses by employing simple strategies. Dr Cris has compiled these simple strategies from her broad studies in medicine, biomedical science, integrative and nutritional medicine, health coaching, as well as personal fitness training. She holds recognised qualifications in all these areas. For more information visit www.drcris.com.au
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Simply Romantic True Romance abounds
Beautiful bodices with simple ruffles and billowing sleeves bring back days of long ago while a fitted bodice enhances a woman's true femininity. Cascading frills are delightful and add softness to an outfit. Wearing white, long associated with purity, is said to release a feeling of peace.
Models: Bella Epis and Victoria Pennicott Fashion Styling & Photography: Tanya Epis Photography 50 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
Fashion Beautifel Bodices
Fabulous Frills
Pure White
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Youve
captured my heart
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THE Food of Love
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Angela Frost Food Editor
BANOFFEE PIE
Prep 25 mins | Chill 2 hours | Serves 6-8 150g melted butter 250g Arnotts Granita Biscuits – crushed, (or any plain biscuits) 330g can condensed milk 70g brown sugar - firmly packed 50g butter 2 bananas - sliced 300 mls cream - whipped Combine the melted butter and the crushed biscuits and mix well. Press into the base and sides of a deep 20cm loose-based flan. Refrigerate for 1 hour. Place condensed milk, sugar and butter in a medium saucepan over a low heat. Cook, stirring constantly for 10-12 minutes until caramel thickens (do not boil). Pour hot caramel over biscuit base. Chill for 1 hour. Slice 1 banana over the caramel - top with whipped cream and remaining banana. Serve
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Sweets for the sweet Red Velvet Cupcakes Prep 25 mins | Cook 25 mins | Makes 18 2 cups plain flour 1/4 cup cocoa powder 1 tsp bi-carb soda 1 1/2 cups caster sugar 1 cup buttermilk 200g unsalted butter - melted 2 eggs 1 tbs white vinegar 1 tsp vanilla essence 2 1/2 tsp red food colouring
ICING 250g pkt cream cheese room temp 1 cup icing sugar 60g butter - room temp Preheat oven to 170°c. Line muffin trays with paper cases. Sift flour, cocoa powder and bi-carb soda in a bowl. Stir in sugar. Whisk the buttermilk, butter, eggs, vinegar and vanilla in a large bowl until combined. Make a well in the center of the flour mixture. Add buttermilk mixture and stir till combined. Stir in food colouring. Divide mixture among muffin pans and bake for 2025 minutes or until a skewer comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.
ICING
Beat cream cheese, icing sugar and butter until smooth. Spread over cupcakes.
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COFFEE MERINGUE KISSES
Makes approx 36 | Prep 20 mins | Cook 50-60 mins 4 egg whites - room temp 1 cup caster sugar 1 tsp cornflour 1 tsp vanilla essence 4 tsp Queen’s coffee essence
Coffee cream 300 mls cream 1 tbsp icing sugar 2 tsp coffee essence Preheat oven to 110-120. Line a baking tray with baking paper. Beat egg whites until soft peaks form. Gradually add sugar until dissolved. Add cornflour, vanilla and coffee essence, mix to combine. Spoon or pipe small amounts onto the baking paper and bake for 50 minutes, then turn oven off and leave meringues in the oven to cool. Whip cream and add icing sugar then add coffee essence. Mix to combine. Sandwich together with coffee cream. Serve. W
Coffee Delights Indulge | February/March 2012 | 57
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Don’t miss our regular updates on our new blog! Our team will post inspirational thoughts, words of wisdom and creative moments to brighten your day.
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