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Notes | From the Editor Walking With God By Cindy Schaap Precepts | Principles for Life I Am the Problem in My Relationships! By Cindy Schaap Precepts | Principles for Life America, Land That I Love! By Patty Albert Generation Y | Issues Young Women Face God’s Girl By Karissa Carlson Secrets | For Singles Where Do You Run? By Joanna Jackson Testimony | Salvation Story My Testimony By Meghan Maggiore Hurts | Rebuilders Column Rejoicing in Hope By Amber Guzzi Talks | For Teens How to Choose a Boyfriend By Jaclynn Weber Outlook | Senior Celebration A Gift of Words—the Best Present By Frieda Cowling Marriage | A Wife’s Purpose The Customer Is Always Right By Robin Parton Feature | Walking With God Walking With God By Cindy Schaap
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Contents
Feature | Walking With God (continued) Having a Bad Day? By Jeanine Nelson. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 My Imaginary Friend By Loretta Walker. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 The High Cost of Ignoring the Word of God By Frieda Cowling. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Perfect Peace By Dianne Dowdey. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
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The Voice of Dr. Jack Hyles As Seeing Him Who Is Invisible By Dr. Wendell Evans Children | They Call Me Mom Work on Growth By Robin Ogle
Perspectives | From the Pastor’s Heart Defining the Roles of Your Husband By Dr. Jack Schaap Salvation | Let’s Go Soul Winning An Amazing Soul-Winning Experience By Andrea Roberts Perspectives | For Women From Men Stay on Your Meds! By Brian Hasse
Anecdotes | Out of the Mouth of Babes The Way Children Think By Dr. David Stubblefield Recipe | From the Kitchen of… Hawaiian Ices Contributed by Michelle Cowling Reading | A Book Review The Family Under the Bridge By Jennifer Bailey
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July 2011 Vol. 37 Num. 03
PUBLISHER
Prepare Now Resources, a ministry of First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana
From the Editor
Senior Editor: Mrs. Cindy Schaap Cindy Schaap is the wife of Dr. Jack Schaap, the pastor of First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana. She is the author of 13 books and has been the senior editor of Christian Womanhood since 2001.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Dr. Jack Schaap
Senior Editor
Mrs. Cindy Schaap
ASSISTANT EDITOR
Mrs. Linda Stubblefield
sales & marketing director Mrs. Jane Grafton
Subscription Manager Miss Stephanie Carlton
Founder/editor
Dr. Marlene Evans (1933-2001)
219-932-0711 christianwomanhood.org Single issues–$3.50 each plus $1.50 postage Send orders to Christian Womanhood, 507 State Street, Hammond, Indiana 46320 or order online at christianwomanhood.org. Address all other correspondence to graftonj@fbchammond.com. Address Changes: 30 to 60 days before moving, please write or e-mail subscriptions@ christianwomanhood.org. Important Notice! Christian Womanhood welcomes submissions of 1,000 words or fewer for publication. Please be sure to include your name on every page of your submissions. All contributions may be edited and cannot be acknowledged or returned. Christian Womanhood reserves the right not to explain why a submission is not published. Send submissions to stubblefieldl@fbchammond.com. Christian Womanhood Issue 3 July 2011 (USPS 344-290) is published monthly for $29.95 per year by Christian Womanhood of Hammond, 507 State Street, Hammond, IN 46320-1533. Periodical postage paid at Crown Point, IN, and additional mailing office in Fort Atkinson, WI. Postmaster: Send all address changes to Christian Womanhood, 507 State Street, Hammond, IN, 46320.
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of Meghan Maggiore on page 16 and by the soul-winning testimony of Andrea Roberts in our Let’s Go Soul Winning column on page 42. The Bible tells us that we should be rooted, grounded, and built up in two things—God and love. Ephesians 3:17 says, “That Christ The theme of this month’s may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, Christian Womanhood is being rooted and grounded in love.” and walking with God. (See Colossians 2:6, 7 at the end of my Several articles are included which inspire notes.) Rooted denotes the foundation of us along this line. I have two articles in this our lives and what we think of ourselves in magazine. My feature article, “Walking the bottom of our hearts. The words built up With God,” is in outline form, and it gives denote what people see of us and think of ideas on how to grow and change in your us on the outside. The Bible is teaching that relationship with prayer and the Bible. We we should find both our self-identity and our ought to always be doing exactly that— public identity in our walk with God. growing and changing in our walk with What do I want others to think of when they God so that things do not become stale see or hear of Cindy Schaap? Should they think and boring. Lack of walking with God is of my physical appearance? No, there are many more often a practical problem rather than women more lovely than I. Should they think a spiritual problem, and changing things of my writing ability or my speaking ability? around a bit can be a practical solution for No, someday these abilities and opportunities a stale relationship with God. God is never could be taken away from me. stale, and our time with God should not be When people think of Cindy Schaap, I either. Loretta Walker’s article is another want them to think of someone who loves particularly helpful one regarding our theme. God and walks with God. We never lose our In the article “Rejoicing in Hope,” Amber ability and our opportunity to love and to Guzzi, a young lady who lost her 23-yearspend time with God. old husband Matthew to cancer and became My prayer is that every reader will walk a widow in her early twenties, shares a bit of closer and more consistently with God her testimony and tells us how her walk with because of this month’s issue. We at Christian God is helping her through her grief. Though Womanhood love you! Amber is grieving her recent loss, she has been Colossians 2:6, 7a, “As ye have therefore a testimony of God’s grace. (See her article in received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in the Rebuilders’ Column on page 18.) him. Rooted and built up in him….” There are a lot of great articles in this issue, but I was especially moved by the testimony
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Principles for Life
I Am the Problem in My Relationships! by Cindy Schaap Senior Editor, Christian Womanhood
“Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord. For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited.” (Jeremiah 17:5, 6)
The Blame Game
There is a game that I like to play, girlfriend, and it is the blame game. Nothing that goes wrong could possibly be my fault. I may not know whose fault it is, but it is definitely not mine. My favorite place to play this game is in my marriage. I have spent too many moments of my 32-year marriage believing that if my husband would change at least one little tiny thing, I would no longer struggle as a wife. The problem with this game is that I always come out the loser! For you see, if my struggles in my marriage are my husband’s fault, then I become the victim in our marriage. I cannot help myself. I am a victim of my husband’s willingness or unwillingness to do what I think I need him to do. I become a victim of my husband’s ability or inability to change what I wish for him to change.
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The Bible says that we are not victims, but rather victors. I Corinthians 15:57, “But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” When I blame someone else for my problems, I am placing my trust in that person rather than in the Lord. I am helpless to be and do what I am supposed to be and do without that person. To an extent, I make myself completely dependent on that person. The truth is, with the Lord’s help, we can do and be what we are supposed to be in our marriage and in all of our life, in spite of what the other person in the relationship does. The Bible has a lot to say about those who put their trust in man (such as a husband) rather than in God. One of the most helpful of those passages to me has been Jeremiah 17:5-10, “Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord. 6For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited. [Verse 7 begins to contrast the man or woman who trusts in God.] 7Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. 8For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and
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Principles for Life
that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit. 9The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? 10I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to HIS ways, and according to the fruit of HIS doings.” (Emphasis mine.) Allow me to break down into points what has been said already in this chapter and what is being said in Jeremiah 17:5-10.
1
Saying our problems are the fault of another person puts the emphasis on man. It demonstrates our trust in man. 2 Saying our problems are the fault of another person takes the emphasis off of our walk with God. It demonstrates our lack of trust in God. 3 Blaming our problems on another person makes us a victim.
A
Victims are manipulative. I know that
there have been times when I have made myself the victim in my marriage. I realize now that I was being manipulative. I did not realize it then. In fact, if you had told me I was manipulative, I would have been “righteously indignant.” I simply could not see it. Yet when we are saying our problems are another person’s fault, even our saying it is manipulative. We are using our words to manipulate that person to change to be or do what we want them to be or do.
B
Victims are protective. Victims run from
problems and relationships. As soon as they discover that there is no hope for the change of their spouse, they believe that their marriage problems cannot be solved. Therefore, they run away and perhaps into the arms of another spouse, believing that this will fix their problems. If a person remains a victim, he will never develop any lasting relationships. And again, notice the emphasis on trusting another person to fix your problems.
C
Victims are clingy. If it is my husband who
is going to make me happy, then at least for as long as I have hope that my husband will be and do what I want him to, I must cling to him to be my help and my happiness. In Genesis 2:24 a man is commanded to “cleave” (cling) to his wife. Nowhere in the Bible is a woman commanded to cling to her husband. Why? I believe it is because we as women tend to be clingy already. God wants us to respect our husbands, but God wants us to cling to our walk with Him for our happiness, for our security, and for our ability Toll Free 855-214-6551
Precepts
to change and have a good marriage. Our relationship problems are a result of clinging to something or someone other than God. Joshua 23:8, “But cleave unto the Lord your God, as ye have done unto this day.” Several places in the Bible, the Christian is commanded to cleave (cling) to God. Nowhere in the Bible is a wife commanded to cling or cleave to her husband.
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Blaming our problems on another person actually blinds us to the good in our lives, and it makes us ungrateful. Jeremiah 17:5 and 6 tell us that the person who is trusting in man “shall not see when good cometh.” In 32 years of marriage, I recall two times when my husband and I came to a major impasse. Of course, the reason for impasse was that I felt my husband needed to change something. For the days that followed, I was not truly grateful for anything. God, in His mercy, continued to use and to bless our ministry. Yet for these two relatively brief periods of my life, I could not be truly grateful. I recall my head’s telling me that I had a lot for which to be thankful, but my heart could not respond to my head. I recall my husband’s telling me that I had a lot for which to be thankful. He would kindly ask, “Are you going to let this one thing prevent you from rejoicing in all that God has done for us?” He reminded me of things such as wonderful children, good health, a prosperous ministry. I was so focused on the one thing that I felt my husband needed to change that I couldn’t be grateful. God, in His mercy, continued to bless abundantly, and yet I couldn’t focus on God’s blessings. I couldn’t “see when good cometh.”
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When we take responsibility for our problems, our focus turns to our trust in God and to our walk with God.
(Read Jeremiah 17:5-10 on the previous page.)
There came a time when I accepted that my problem of unhappiness in marriage was exactly that—my problem. It was my problem of failing to understand my husband and to submit to him. It was a problem of my failing to submit to God. I realized that my ability to be happy and secure rested solely in my relationship with God.
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When our focus is on trusting God, we become productive people. We are victors instead of victims. As soon as I came to myself in my marriage, I began to live the victorious Christian life again. Before this, I would ask myself and my husband, “Where is the victory in the Christian life?” I blamed God, as well as my husband, for my unhappiness, when in fact, happiness and victory were as close as my relationship with God. Victory was as close christianwomanhood.org
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as my willingness to take personal responsibility for my own happiness through my own obedience to God’s Word.
Therefore, we should keep the focus on God and on His ability to change our hearts, rather than on judging the heart of another.
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When our focus is on trusting God, we have a difficult time seeing negatives. Our problems don’t change; our perspectives change! My husband and I agree that the year 2010 was in many ways one of the most difficult we’ve experienced. Yet when I think back on 2010, I feel that we have, in just as many ways, lived what seems to be a charmed life. To be honest, I have had a hard time focusing on any negatives this year. Why? Because my focus has been on my relationship with God. I have experienced some failure this year, just as I have in all of my 51 years of life, but this year I have come to myself in my failures, and I have kept my emphasis on my trust in God. I have enjoyed my husband more than ever, and I have not looked to him as someone to blame when I failed as a wife. Just as it was once hard to focus on God’s blessings, now it is difficult for me to focus on any negatives. I do not“…see when heat cometh.…” (Jeremiah 17:8)
8 It is the deceitfulness of our hearts that causes us to blame others for our sins. (See
Jeremiah 17:9.)
It is not a coincidence that the deceitfulness of the heart is discussed in Jeremiah immediately after trusting man versus trusting God is discussed. The Devil is the father of lies, and he is consistently lying to each Christian. He lies to sow strife between the Christian and his God. He lies to sow strife between the wife and her husband. He lies to keep us lying to ourselves. The Bible says in Proverbs 16:6a that “By mercy and truth iniquity is purged.” The meaning of the word iniquity in the Bible is “giving ourselves permission to sin.” When we say our sin is not our fault, we give ourselves permission to sin. When we are truthful to ourselves about our sin—we admit that it is always our fault when we have sinned—our sin can be taken away, and victory can be put in its place.
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God is the only One Who knows our hearts. When we blame our husbands for our marriage problems or when we blame anyone else for our problems, we are judging another’s heart. We cannot possibly know the heart of another. The Bible says that it is difficult to even know our own hearts.
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God will give to every man according to his own ways and his own doings. Jeremiah 17:10 says that God searches our hearts and our emotions, and then He gives to each of us according to our own doings. God will not hold our husband accountable for our failures in our marriage. God will not hold us accountable for our husband’s failures. God will give us according to our own doings. Sounds like blaming others for our failures is a waste of time and means nothing to God.
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The only two weapons of change in a problematic marriage are prayer and a godly life. “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” (I Peter 3:1-4) God teaches us clearly in I Peter that if there is a spiritual problem on the part of a husband, the wife must approach that problem by aligning her own spirit more closely with the Word of God. A spirit of quiet, meekness, submission, and faith should be the goal of the wife who has a troubled marriage. “You need to change.” “You are the problem in our marriage.” These are not statements which reflect quiet, meekness, submission, or faith in God.
Changing Perspectives
This past winter I was driving down a street in Crown Point, Indiana, not far from where I live. I looked out the window and saw something that took my breath away. I began to praise God for the beauty of what I saw. Then I became amused at what I had been praising God for. I was looking at a cold, gray sky with a bare, leafless tree silhouetted against it. My friends who live in California might not have been able to understand my delight in this winter scene. There are not mountains or palm trees where I live. We probably have fewer lakes than almost any Toll Free 855-214-6551
Principles for Life
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area of the country. The color green is practically focus has been placed on God—His love and His nonexistent for much of the year in Northwest Indiana. power. That is what I am trusting for every situation in But something about that bare tree silhouetted against my life, including my husband and our marriage. It’s that gray sky made me think of God. I was amazed at amazing how wonderful every aspect of my life seems how He had changed the landscape in just a few short now. My husband doesn’t need to change; rather he weeks. I knew that I was observing something that seems almost perfect to me. He was pretty wonderful only God could do. I found the scene before me to be all along, but my faith in God has also caused my perspective of my husband to change. It is easy to see beautiful—because it reminded me of God. It was not that the ugliness of winter had changed; it was the good, and very difficult to notice any bad. My perspectives have changed from darkness that my perspective of winter changed. I was observing winter through the eyes of my walk with God. So it is to light. And should you ask if the problems in my when we place our trust in God regarding our marriage marriage have been solved, to that I would respond, problems. Our husband may not change; he may not even “What problems?” need to change. In most respects, our marriage probably will not even change. But our perspectives about our Resources: husband and our marriage will change drastically. Relationships Without Regrets When we place our trust in God and say to Him, by Marlene Evans ($5 SALE) “I will work on my own sins and will turn them into Lessons Learned From 30 Years of Marriage obedience,” we begin to see what only God can do. by Cindy Schaap ($15) Our focus turns to a God Who will never fail us. See page 47 for ordering information. That is what I have done in my own marriage. My
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America, Land That
I Love! by Patty Albert Pastor’s Wife, Lifeway Baptist Church, Ellettsville, Indiana
One summer
my family and I took our oldest daughter Hannah to college in Lancaster, California. Instead of flying, we decided to drive and make that time our vacation. Our family traveled through ten different states! As a result, we developed a greater love and appreciation for the beauty and landscape of our country. During another summer, we went to visit my in-laws in Virginia and then made our way to Washington, D.C., where we had the thrill of seeing our nation’s capitol, the White House, the Washington Monument, and other historical sites. What a wonderful country in which we get to live! It is a place given by God and founded upon the truths of His Word. We saw monuments with Scriptures engraved on them for all to view. How precious and valuable a treasure we have been given to be a citizen of the United States! As we walked around D.C., I noticed that many foreigners seemed to appreciate our government and heritage more than most Americans did. I believe that in light of all we have been given, we need not see all the bad in our country, but
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hold true to the good. Women can make a difference in this country. Your life and your role as an American is important. How can you make a difference? If you are a Christian, live like one. Be honest, wise, and trustworthy. Rear a Godly family. Teach your little ones to be obedient and good and to love God and others. Be a good example. Honor the Lord with your devotion—in church, at work, and at home. Support your pastor and the ministries of your local church. A good church abiding by God’s Word will affect your community. Go soul winning. Tell others of the hope of Jesus and the new life He can give them. Pray. Pray for yourself, your family, Christian servants, the President, leaders, and civil service workers. If you have
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I love ! America time to watch the news, then you have time to pray. Be consistent and remember to pray for your country. Don’t criticize; pray! You didn’t realize that one person could do so much, did you? You can turn the tide. Each day God gives you a block of time. Building upon each block can assure us of a better country for our children and grandchildren. I love America! I cannot save the whole country, but if I rear my children right, I have influenced three! I cannot change every community, but I can help mine through my local church. I cannot win every soul to Christ in America, but I can win some. I cannot be “Mrs. President,” but I can be a great wife and example to those around me. I cannot solve all of our country’s problems, but I can pray for my leaders. I cannot change all our young people, but I can help at Hoosier Hills Baptist Camp, the camp our church operates, and encourage young people for God. You see, your role as an American is important. My name, Patty, means “patriotic.” I am glad because America is my home—the land that I so love. “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” (II Chronicles 7:14)
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Generation Y
Issues Young Women Face
God’s
Girl By Karissa Carlson Karissa and her husband have graduated from Hyles-Anderson College and are accepting a position at Faith Baptist Church in Wildomar, California.
Every girl has dreamed of her knight
in shining armor coming into her life and sweeping her off her feet. We thrill to hear the love stories, watch the videos, and read the books that end “happily ever after.” We have all had dreams much like the “Once upon a time…” stories while growing up. Only now we are grown and still have not “lived” any of our made-up fantasies. It is very easy to become a little frustrated with life in general. As women, it is natural to love and to desire love—especially from a special someone. If it happens to be “he” is nowhere in sight or “he” hasn’t come around to noticing you yet, it can get a little aggravating to most young women desiring and dreaming of becoming a wife someday. A couple of years ago, I went through this stage of trying to accept the fact that there was no one out there for me. I had my “list” made out of my dream husband and had my standards pretty high. The more I looked at my list and surveyed the guys I knew or met, the more I felt as if I would either have to give up that list or go without. This was something I struggled with for quite some time. Why would God place me on this earth if His God-designed plan was for a woman to be a man’s help meet but it didn’t seem like I was going to get the opportunity? I fought this for quite a while before God revealed Himself to me in a way I would have thought was impossible. After I poured out my frustrations and thoughts on the matter to the One Who understands me best, God helped me see things in a brand new light.
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1. Have a desire to be complete in Him first. God wanted to be first in my life. I was seeking to find someone whom I could make first when I should have been placing God first in my life. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” When you realize you can be happy being “God’s girl,” the happiness cannot be compared with anything else. 2. Give God your burdens. When I gave this burden to
Him, I felt a great peace. When you give your hurts and frustrations to God, life gets so much brighter. I did not feel moody, jealous of other girls, angry, or even bitter over my situation. God gives a peace that passes all understanding according to Philippians 4:7 which says, “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” I still prayed for “my husband” every day, wherever he was, but I did not dwell on the fact I might never marry or find him for that matter. Give God everything. He understands you and knows exactly what you need and desire. Psalm 37:4, “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
3. God has a perfect plan. Do not let yourself be the ruin of a perfect plan He now has to “revise” because you were not willing to accept His original one. He knows exactly what you need when you need it. Sometimes it is hard to believe that maybe it is not God’s perfect will for you to be getting married or even dating. This is hard to accept, but patiently waiting will bring the results of God’s perfect will. Psalm 37:7, “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him….” When you have the peace and joy of God’s perfect will, every second of the “patiently waiting” will be worth it. Don’t believe me? Let me finish my story. Toll Free 855-214-6551
When I became “complete” in God first and I gave Him everything... When I became “complete” in God first and I gave Him everything, I became very excited about finding out what He had in store for me. No, I did not meet my “dream guy” the next day, nor did I have any hopes of meeting him with the “list” I had in mind for one! A little time passed, and God did bring someone into my life. Because I had become so focused in my “new phase” of life, I didn’t catch on right away. Little things this “someone” would do or say started catching my attention, and I started mentally checking characteristics off my “list” as I began to recognize them. God’s perfect plan fell into place through a wonderful series of events. Through it all, I stayed complete in my Heavenly Father, making the events all the more exciting and special. I am now married to the man of my dreams and living an amazing life in the Lord. Do I believe all of this could have happened on its own? Absolutely not! You cannot be truly happy in life unless God is first. I found being complete in Him first was the key to finding the perfect plan He had for my life. Psalm 37:5 says, “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” I gave everything to the Lord and trusted Him to give me the desires of my heart. Because I was complete in Him, He knew my desires. I became “God’s girl” first, and He blessed me beyond my wildest dreams by making me “Nate’s girl” second. (Nathan is my wonderful husband.) Cultivate a desire to become “God’s girl” first, snuggle up close to Him, and watch with excitement as His perfect will— whatever it is—unfolds in front of you.
Resources: Preparing for Marriage by Dr. Jack Schaap ($18) See page 47 for ordering information.
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Secrets
For Singles
Where Do You Run? by Joanna Jackson Church secretary, Timberline Baptist Church, Manitou Springs, Colorado
I enjoy watching professional football and
have noticed a similarity between professionals and children playing a sport. When the camera or video recorder is rolling, they all say the same thing almost without exception—“Hi, Mom!” Although it makes me chuckle at the thought of some big fellow doing this, it proves a basic commonality among people in general: we all want someone to whom we can turn when we are happy…or sad. When your heart is aching the most over being single, to whom do you run? Do you even have a strategy to help you in your times of greatest need? If you fail to make preparation, your life can fall apart, and you may make decisions you will regret for years to come. So, to whom do you run? I encourage you to first run to the Lord. The first person we should run to when we are hurting is the One Who knows us best and loves us most, the Lord. Several examples in the Bible are found regarding this: Psalm 18:6, “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.” Psalm 62:8, “Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.” Psalm 130:1, “Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord.” When I was an older teen, I was reading I Samuel for my devotions, and the Lord pointed something out to
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me that has encouraged me all these years. The story is of Hannah’s inability to conceive a child. When the priest in the temple saw her moving her mouth but not saying anything aloud, he thought she was drunk. The Bible then says, “And Hannah answered and said, No, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord.” (I Samuel 1:15) Hannah had a such a strong desire to have a child that the Bible says she was in bitterness of soul, meaning she literally was experiencing a heaviness, a painfulness in her heart. She was hurting so much that she wept sore or wailed. The Bible says precisely what the Lord did for Hannah. Verse 19 says, “...and the Lord remembered her.” The Bible does not say that the Lord remembered her prayer or her priest or her family; the Bible specifically says the Lord remembered her. Hannah was important enough to God that He, the Almighty, the Creator of the universe, remembered HER! In remembering her, God answered her prayer; but I’m excited about the fact that God remembered Hannah, the individual. In my single distresses, I have experienced heaviness and painfulness in my soul that has caused me to weep before my Lord. Just as Hannah was a real person to God Himself and was remembered by Him, I too am real to God, and He remembers me! When Hannah went to the Lord, she did so showing her greatest need and desire. She did not go to the Lord with
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a mask of “I’m so holy.” She put down her defenses and was totally honest with God. We too need to be candid with God concerning how we are feeling and how we are dealing with our lot in life. We do not need to “act spiritual” for Him. He knows the truth anyway, so you might as well reveal yourself to Him for what you are and for what you need. God is interested in your individual hurts and needs, and He longs for you to run to Him when your heart is overwhelmed. As Psalm 61:2 says, “From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” When your heart is overwhelmed, go to the Rock that is higher than you and your troubles! I encourage you to additionally run to a wise counselor. Sometimes we humans need someone “with flesh on” to help us along the way. The Bible even speaks of the safety in wise counsel. Proverbs 11:14, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety.” Proverbs 15:22, “Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellers they are established.” Proverbs 24:6, “For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counsellers there is safety.” The Bible also warns of the dangers of wrong counsel as in the case of Rehoboam. Running to our peers, or to
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someone who has no Bible answers to give, or to someone who will give unbiblical advice is not a wise move that promises safety. In speaking with single missionary Sarah Glover, she suggested some words of wisdom concerning how singles should seek counsel: Do not wait until the point of desperation to talk to someone. Talk to someone with whom you can be totally upfront and truly express your heart. Purposefully develop that relationship with someone within the church instead of someone in the world. If you work for a church or church ministry, view your pastor as your pastor, not just as your employer, boss, or preacher. What is your plan to help you make it through your most lonely and trying times? Please first go to the Lord. Then when the need arises for someone “with flesh on,” choose wisely to whom you will run!
Resources: Healing for the Inner Hurts by Dr. Jack Schaap $11.00 Invisible Hurts by Loretta Walker $12.00 See page 47 for ordering information.
christianwomanhood.org
15
Testimony
Salvation Story
My Testimony By Meghan Maggiore Meghan is a student at Hyles-Anderson College.
When I think of soul winning, I think of magne-
tism. There are two types of magnets—a permanent magnet and a temporary magnet. A permanent magnet always has a magnetic pull to it while a temporary magnet acts as a magnet only when it is attached to a permanent magnet. I see God as the permanent magnet drawing people to Him, and I see us as the temporary magnets that can attract others so long as we stay connected to God. In John 12:32 Jesus says, “And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.” I am reminded of that attraction the day I met the Hyles-Anderson student who won me to the Lord, Elise Janachowski Lang. I was a sophomore at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, and I was majoring in broadcast journalism and Italian. I was a member of a sorority, on the executive board of the rowing team, and one of the managers at the student union on campus. On paper
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July 2011
everything looked like I was heading toward success, but in reality I felt like I was failing. I was covering a friend’s shift when the group of college ladies from the sailor ministry of First Baptist Church approached me at the front desk. Julia Parton stepped out and asked if she could slide down the double wooden banisters right next to the desk, and I hesitatingly said, “Sure,” thinking that they could get hurt. As they all started to slide down the banisters, Elise stayed with me and began to ask me questions about myself. She told me about the organization she founded called the Patriot Support Foundation and explained how the girls were there on campus seeing if any of the students wanted to get involved. We exchanged numbers that night, and Elise called me several times throughout the next week to see how I was doing and to get to know me better. After several conversations, Elise invited me to go visiting at the
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Great Lakes Naval Base on a Saturday to pass out milk and cookies to a unit there and to sing patriotic songs. I agreed to go and found myself in a 12-passenger van early on a Saturday morning with the same group of girls I had met at Northwestern. That day was one of the most enjoyable days of my life. Everyone asks me if I found it weird that they were all wearing skirts, but to be honest, I didn’t even notice. I felt like we were all old friends and had known each other for years. They all included me and made me feel very special. At Northwestern, the mentality of the average college student is detached and pre-professional, meaning they only care to get where they are going in life, and they tolerate you so long as you don’t get in their way. What impressed me the most about the girls was their genuine love for each other and their happy spirits. The next day at church, Elise witnessed to me in the Sailor Home, and I knew what she told me was truth. As she went through the Roman Road, I know now that the Holy Spirit was convicting me and telling me that her words were proven by her actions of the previous week. It was easy for me to believe that Jesus was willing to die for me, especially after spending the whole weekend with complete strangers who went out of their way to show me they cared. Elise and the sailor ministry were the temporary magnets that drew me in to Christ.
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I was too afraid to pray right then, but that following Wednesday night, November 7, 2007, I trusted Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour. A few weeks later I was baptized, and after four months of attending First Baptist in the sailor ministry, I surrendered to full-time Christian service during Pastors’ School 2008. I knew Hyles-Anderson College was God’s will for my life, and the Jericho Plan made it possible for me to start college right away. The Jason Baxter family in the sailor ministry graciously allowed me to live with them that summer free of charge to save up money for my first year, and that is one of the biggest reasons that I am in college today. God has been so good to me, and since my salvation, I’ve been able to see my mom, sister, aunt, and two best friends saved. God continues to use the change in me and the growth in my life to draw in my family, and my constant prayer is that they will see the evidence of God in my life and want to have what I have—a personal knowledge of the true and living God. As long as I stay connected to Him, I know they will.
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17
Hurts
Rebuilders Column
Rejoicing in
Hope By Amber Guzzi Amber is one of six adult daughters of Dr. and Mrs. Bob Hooker.
The year 2010 has been one of the greatest
struggles in my life. My amazing husband Matthew passed away on July 11, 2010, after a two-year battle with cancer. We were married for just two years and nine months and more in love than I thought possible. I was just like any other girl growing up, dreaming of the day when I would meet the man of my dreams. But never in those perfect dreams did I ever imagine that I would end up being a widow at the age of 24. Even though I am just seven months into my grief and feel like at some points I take huge leaps backward, there are days that the sun shines through, and the Lord shows me that I am going to make it. I know He is with me every second of every day, but that doesn’t mean I feel Him all the time. The reason I know He is always with me is that when I look at the day I have before me and think “I’m not going to make it today” (and you know what? If I was doing this alone, I wouldn’t), He pulls me through every day—even the hardest days I have to face. And at the end of the day I look back and think, “I don’t know how I got through today, but I sure am glad that when I feel like I’m doing this all alone, He’s been pulling me along the whole time.” He holds my future in His hands, and I know that He has and always will take care of me. My darkest hour was my wedding anniversary, which was October 6. My husband had been gone for three months almost to the day, and to be completely transparent, I had a complete meltdown. I don’t remember a whole lot from that experience,
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July 2011
Romans 12:12, “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer.”
Be in patiention tribulat
but the one thing I remember most of all was the overwhelming fear of the future. How can I go on? What am I going to do with my life now? Why is God doing this to me? No matter the struggles that you face, most, if not all of us have asked God at some point, “Why?” I have five sisters, and inevitably, unexplainable things are going to happen in each of their lives, but because of my situation, my sisters will often feel like their problems aren’t as “bad” as my problems, so they’ll minimize what they are going through. I always say to them, “God chose this for my life; He did not choose this for your life.” What you are going through is the hardship that the Lord is allowing you to face, which means no heartache or struggle is larger than the other. No person is given the exact same trial to face, so how could we compare one grief to the other. I have read many books on grieving, and in several of them the author says you should eventually hit a point where you can thank God for what He’s done in your life. And when I would read that or hear somebody say it, oh, I would get so angry! I would think to myself, “How can I thank God for taking Matthew to Heaven?” And I fought with the Lord over this many, many times. I knew that in order to heal the way God had intended, I had to do things the way He wanted them done. But even though my head knew the right thing to do, my heart was saying, “I’m not ready for that yet.”
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Rebuilders Column
Hurts
I still could not thank him for taking my best friend. After many arguments with God and meltdowns in the next few months, I came across a verse in Romans that really changed my perspective. It says, “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer.” (Romans 12:12) It was like a light bulb turned on in my cloudy mind. At this stage of my life, rejoicing and thanking God for taking Matthew was almost too hard to bear, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t rejoice in the hope of what God was going to do with my life. Ever since I was a little girl, my mom would always say to me and my sisters, “God never takes something away that He doesn’t give you something better.” Now she doesn’t mean He’s going to give me a better life than I had with my husband, but I interpret it as a better purpose for my life that I didn’t know could exist. Our minds cannot comprehend the workings of God’s plans and designs for our lives. Many times the path He puts us on makes absolutely no sense, but it is up to us how we choose to respond to what He’s allowed in our life. I have fallen in love with the word “hope.” It allows me, when I have “one of my bad days,” to say, “I can rejoice in the hope that I won’t have these bad days so often, or I can rejoice in the hope that maybe one day I will have more good days than bad days.” My time line gets a little hazy around the time when my husband passed, but I believe it was just a few days after he went to Heaven that I randomly opened my Bible and begged God to give me something to hold on to and began to read Psalm 42. I have read this chapter over and over again. Twice in this chapter similar verses are given, one of which says, “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.” (Psalm 42:5) The only hope we have is ultimately in God’s hands, and if we choose to let Him take control of our lives, He will bring us out of the fog and depression that we can be so heavily under. One of the hardest things I am having to teach myself now is to be patient in tribulation. So many times we want quick answers to our problems, but sometimes God just wants us to be still and wait on Him. There is nothing that I wanted more than to be able to start a family and just grow old with the love of my life, but the Lord had a different plan in mind for me. I just need to learn to be content with where I’m at today—not tomorrow or the next day. I just need to be patient today; tomorrow will take care of itself. Fear of the future can overwhelm just about anybody if we allow ourselves to go there, and I’m preaching to myself when I say this. The last part of Romans 12:12 says, “…continuing instant in prayer,” and this by far is the most important. I have hit some pretty rough patches through these past seven months, and there were times I was so angry and hurt that I couldn’t seem to pick up my Bible and read or spend a long period of time in prayer. But there have been two things that I have done that have helped me more than anything:
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1.
I sleep with my Bible at night. I had never done this before, but now I can’t sleep without it. It is such a comfort to me, and during my severe emotional times, I hold it as close to me as possible. I just beg God to give me grace. And I’ll tell you those are some of the times I feel the Lord’s arms around me the most.
2.
I have made it a habit to pray throughout the day. I have made it a point in my life that when anything happens or I feel hurt or depressed or angry, I talk to God about it instantly. This seems easy to do, but the majority of people don’t do this. I almost struggle saying it because I grew up in a wonderful home with wonderful, Godly parents, but I had never made it a habit to talk to God about everything—all day, every day. I think we sometimes get the impression that if we talk to Him in the morning or at night before we go to bed, that’s all we need to get us through the day or the next day. But I found when I didn’t talk to Him during the day or I was too upset and didn’t want to have anything to do with Him, I didn’t hurt anyone but myself. I always struggled the most on those days. From Thanksgiving to Christmas, I was more depressed and angry at God than I could have thought possible. But I know now because of my hurt, I tried to handle my pain alone, and I pushed the Lord out of my life for a while. But when I finally let go of my hate and my pain and allowed God to take back over what I was messing up so horribly, I began to feel the peace that I had thought I could bring to myself. I cannot make it on my own. I had to learn this the hard way, but I’m so thankful that when I tried to give up on God, He wouldn’t give up on me. He loves you, and He knows the pain of your heart, but if we will allow Him to take control of our lives, He can and will take us out of the most difficult of circumstances and put us exactly where He wants us to be with all the peace and joy that He has promised.
Resources: Walking Through the Valley of Depression and Grief by Dr. Jack Schaap ($10) See page 47 for ordering information.
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19
Talks
For Teens
HOW TO CHOOSE
A BOYFRIEND
By Jaclynn Weber Jaclynn is married to Todd Weber, the junior high youth director at First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana.
So let’s talk
about how to choose a boyfriend. Let me first tell you that it is always a good idea to ask for advice before you begin dating someone. I learned this lesson the hard way when I asked someone for permission to date a guy I had already begun dating, and that person told me he strongly disapproved of my dating that guy. Oops! I would have saved a lot of hurt, misery, and tears if I had only gone for advice before I started dating this person. There are, however, some guidelines given us from, yes, the Bible, and even though the lifestyles of the people in those days were very different from ours in 2011, the truths have not changed and still apply to us today. The first example of who NOT to date in the Bible was the fool in Proverbs 7. He just wanted to please his woman, and he had no standards or convictions for himself. He was a simple man, meaning he just followed whichever way the wind blew and really was just not very smart. He probably would have been failing school if he went to one, and he also would probably not have cared if he was. He just had the total “I-don’t-care” mentality—definitely not a good choice for a future mate! He was “…a young man void of understanding.” (Proverbs 7:7) Next there was Samson, a very strong, yet unsteady man. He would do right for a while; then a woman would come along whom he just could not resist, and he would backslide. Samson just could not stand up to a woman! He was also a very selfish man. When he wanted something, he didn’t care who he hurt or what he had to do to get it, but nothing was going to stand in his way. This type does not make for a very good husband (or boyfriend) since it takes a lot of giving in and unselfishness to make a relationship work. And now we have Lot, a man who made foolish decisions, and it cost him his family. He was friends with the most vile members of society. He was a leader of a country that was destroyed for its immorality and perversion. Would you really want to fall in love and marry a guy whom your children would one day call a fool and whom they would not even follow? I don’t think so! Remember, love requires more than just a handsome face and a strong body. Then there is Absalom, the rebel, who had a horrible relationship with his father, King David, and became so bitter and hateful that he tried to overthrow his father’s kingdom 20
July 2011
and kill his own dad. Beware of guys who hate their fathers! Their lack of relationship with their fathers can cause a lot of problems when they try to have a good relationship with their wives. Let’s talk about the two sons of the priest (preachers’ kids), Hophni and Phinehas, who were so wicked in their heart that God killed them! Talk about giving preachers’ kids a bad rap. These guys gave us preachers’ kids no chance to redeem ourselves! They were extremely wicked in their minds, their hearts, and their actions. They were definitely not husband material. Rehoboam was a man who was too proud to get advice from his leaders. Do you know any guys like this? Avoid them at all cost!! Don’t give them the time of day! How can someone lead you to a happy life if he won’t follow the ones who are Toll Free 855-214-6551
in charge of him? We are not born wise; we are supposed to get wisdom from those who are further down the road of life than we are. Get advice and date someone who is willing to get advice too. You will be a whole lot happier if you do. Last of all, we have Judas, the ultimate hypocrite. He looked the part, acted the part, and did the part until he just couldn’t hide his sin anymore. He was supposed to be one of Jesus’ closest friends until he stabbed him in the back and turned Him in to the Roman guards. Talk about a horrible friend—he has to be one of the worst! He would be the one who everyone thought was a great teenager, but as soon as he graduated from high school would immediately leave church and all of the Christian friends he had made. He would become what he truly was all along, the partying, wild, drinking, immoral guy who loved the things of the world and was finally “free” from the “bondage” of standards, convictions, and Christianity. And just like Judas, who went out and killed himself after he realized what he had done to his friend, the guys now who are like him will one day realize that they really are not free at all but instead are captives in a prison of the miserable life they have chosen. So now that you have an idea of the kind of guys to avoid, may I suggest some things that you should look for in a boyfriend and one day, a husband? If you will go through this “checklist” before you date a guy, I think you and he will be a lot happier, and you will be less likely to choose a loser for a mate:
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9)
(10)
Do you admire him? Does he encourage you to do right? Is he respectful of authority? Does he love God? Does he try to protect your reputation? Is he able to take a stand for right? Would you want your daughter to date someone like him one day? Is he good to his mother? Does he have a good relationship with his father? Does he treat you with respect?
These are just a few things that I have learned along the way and things my counselors would ask me when I was interested in someone and wanted to start dating and later when I was seriously thinking about marriage. I hope they will be a help to you because, apart from being saved, marrying the right man is the most important decision you will ever make.
Resources: Do It Right the First Time by Jaclynn Weber ($6) Just Friends by Mike Ray and Cary Schmidt ($13)
See page 47 for ordering information.
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21
Outlook
Senior Celebration
A Gift of Words the Best Present
“As cold sty a thir waters to good is soul, so m s new fro ntry.” a far cou :25) s 25 (Proverb
by Frieda Cowling Frieda and her husband, Dr. Pete Cowling, have co-authored a book on marriage, Understanding Your Husband & Understanding Your Wife and two books on child rearing, Rearing Kids With Character and Recipes for Rearing Children.
My mother, Esther White, has lived with me for the last six months
after spending 72 years in the same town in Madisonville, Tennessee, and is both “spunky and special.” My mother constantly sends cards and letters to family and friends of a lifetime. In fact, our mailbox usually contains more mail for her than for us, which is a result of her love and concern for others. Mother celebrated her ninety-sixth birthday on March 26, 2010. She received gifts, cards, calls, and letters from across the country. She remarked, “How will I ever thank all these people for their thoughtfulness? It will take me another 96 years!” Several days after her birthday, Mother and I were talking, and she said, “I would like to share with you the best birthday present I received.” Curious, I wondered what this could be with all the things she had received. “My best present was a letter from Sam,” she stated. (Sam Cervantes is her eighth-grade great-grandson who lives near us.)
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July 2011
Dear Mimi, I just wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me in my lifetime. I couldn’t list all the things you have done for me on this paper. You have taken me to Walmart and got us whatever we wanted. You have taken me to Mayfield’s Dairy, and we went through the tour and then you bought us ice cream. You have taken me to the Lost Sea, and we went on the tour. You have taken me to the park, and we played basketball and then we fed the ducks. You have taken me out to eat to so many restaurants, especially Cracker Barrel. You let me come over whenever I want to watch the Vols play especially! ! ! You have given me money to spend however I want. I am so glad you influenced my life. I do not know of many people who have a great-grandparent, but I do, and I am very thankful. You are so awesome! ! !
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ! !
Love, Sam
I wonder how many times we have bought presents others did not want or need when we could have given a “gift of words” with a little thought that could touch their heart. Toll Free 855-214-6551
Marriage
A Wife’s Purpose Dan & Robin Parton
The Customer Is Always Right By Robin Parton Pastor’s Wife, Timberline Baptist Church, Manitou Springs, Colorado
One of my favorite fast food places to eat is Chick-fil-A®. I do love the flavor of their chicken sandwiches, and it is always so hard for me to decide between their sweet tea or a chocolate shake, so I usually choose the sweet tea with my meal and get the shake to go for dessert. But my favorite part comes when they hand me my food, and I say “Thank you,” only to hear the reply “My pleasure.” I grew up in a family business and remember hearing my dad often say, “The customer is always right.” I thought about how we live by that principle in our country. When you go out to eat at a nice restaurant, the waiter will often suggest a particular entree, but if you don’t choose his suggestion, he pleasantly serves you your choice. In a fast-food place, you may order something and then send it back if it has too much ketchup. You expect the cashier to replace it for you with a smile. If you pick up your dry cleaning and are not happy with the final product, the clerk will offer to send it through again at no additional cost to you. If you hire a housekeeper and things are not done to your liking, you expect her to cheerfully complete the task to your specifications before payment. I have been a parttime real estate agent’s
assistant for several years now, and I have known my boss to be available 24-7 to meet the needs of our clients. Why can’t we carry the “customer-is-always-right” philosophy into our marriages? When we suggest a particular meal and our husband expresses a desire for something else, why do we get our feelings hurt that he just doesn’t understand how much work that meal takes to fix. If he dares to complain about how something is fixed, we bristle instead of just fixing it and serving it the way he likes. If he points out a stain we missed on his white shirt, we are frustrated that he did not point it out to us before he put the shirt in the wash. If he makes a suggestion about how he would like something arranged or cared for in the house, we tell him to stay out of our area. And God forbid if he should call on us at some inconvenient hour of the day with a need to be filled. When we receive good service, we become loyal to the various places of business, and in some cases, we tip them extra for the wonderful service we receive. May we learn to serve our husbands as we expect to be served from the places where we do business. Let’s practice the “my-husband-is-always-right” philosophy. When he asks for something—anything—may we respond with, “My pleasure.” You might say, “Oh, Robin, that is just not my personality.” Well, it isn’t my personality either. Believe me, when I suggest a healthy choice for a meal, but my husband chooses something that “tastes better,” I don’t feel like saying, “My pleasure.” I am tempted to and often do give him a lecture on his health, and I end up with a customer who is not satisfied with my service. As I think about the loyalty I give to those businesses that serve me well, I realize that this is the kind of loyalty I want from my husband. So in the best interest of our marriage, I am seeking to have a “my-pleasure” attitude in my service to him. Surely I can do as well as those cashiers I admire so much at the Chick-fil-A®, and although I admire them for being closed on Sundays, I can be available for service to my husband seven days a week. Yes, Daddy, your advice was great: the “customer” is always right. May I learn to serve my husband as my daddy trained me to serve our customers. “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus….” (Colossians 3:17)
Resources: A Peaceful Marriage by Cindy Schaap ($15) A Wife’s Purpose by Cindy Schaap ($10) See page 47 for ordering information.
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23
Feature
Walking With God
God
Walking With
T RETREAD ! TO GO
by Cindy Schaap Senior Editor, Christian Womanhood
1. Have a set time or place to retreat.
Give God the best part of your day. In winter, I retreat on a chair by the fireplace with a blanket. In summer, I retreat on a chair in my sun porch.
2. Have a devotional basket. Keep a
Bible, a journal, a pen, Kleenex, reading glasses, and a prayer list in it.
3. Do practical things to make it enjoyable. I
drink coffee while reading my Bible. In the summer I walk outdoors while praying.
4. Get on your knees before the Lord for at
least some time each day.
5. Read the Bible first. Ideas: Read a Proverb
each morning and fill in the blank. For example, Proverbs says a virtuous woman ____. Read one chapter from the Gospels and write in the margins of your Bible something Jesus did when He was on earth that you can apply to your own life.
6. Memorize the Bible. Memorize favorite
Bible passages; write them in the back of your Bible.
7. Study the Bible. Do a study on one of the
following topics: Faith Fear, afraid Trust Joy Peace The tongue
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Women of the Old and New Testaments Holiness Strength Depression
July 2011
Always be growing in your relationship with the Bible! According to Psalm 138:2, God magnifies His Word above His own name. “I will worship toward thy holy temple, and praise thy name for thy lovingkindness and for thy truth: for thou hast magnified thy word above all thy name.” “What you do with the Bible determines what God does with you.”
8. Keep a journal. Ask God to show Himself to
you each day. Write down one thing He did each day to show you He loves you. Have a favorite thing that shows you God loves you. These things will teach you how to talk about God and how to praise God.
9. Pray. Read your prayer list.
A. Have a written prayer list. B. Get on your knees before God for some time each morning. C. Pray as you get ready in the morning. D. Pray as you drive. E. Pray when you are alone.
10.
Meditate on the Bible. Underline special verses and read throughout the day. REVIVAL IS A NEW AWARENESS OF GOD IN YOUR LIFE. Let’s have revival in our walk with God. Let it start with you and me! Resources: Bright Side Journal by Cindy Schaap ($2) See page 47 for ordering information. Toll Free 855-214-6551
Feature
Walking With God
Having a Bad Day? by Jeanine Nelson, Faculty, Hammond Baptist High School
Thought: When you think you are having a bad day,
read Mark 14:40-72 and 15:1-37. Jesus had two very bad days. The following are the events that transpired on those two bad days: Peter, James and John fell asleep when Jesus had asked them to pray. (14:40, 41) Judas betrayed Jesus. (14:43-46) All of the disciples forsook Jesus. (14:50) Jesus went before the high priest (chief priests, elders, and scribes). (14:53) Men falsely testified against Jesus. (14:56-59) The high priest, chief priest, elders, and scribes condemned Jesus to death. (14:64)
Resources: About the Cross by Dr. Jack Schaap ($15) Kisses of Calvary by Dr. Jack Hyles ($10) See page 47 for ordering information. Toll Free 855-214-6551
The men spit, hit, and mocked Jesus. (14:65) Peter denied Jesus. (14:66-72) The next morning His bad day continued. (Mark 15:1) Jesus went before Pilate. (15:1-15) Jesus was scourged. (15:15) The crown of thorns was placed on His head, and He was mocked. (15:17-29) He was nailed to the Cross. (15:24-37) God, His own Father, forsook Him. (15:34) He was given vinegar to drink. (15:36) Jesus died. (15:37)
s Bad dalayst won’t r. foreve
The greatest thing about these bad days is that they didn’t last forever! Just three days later there was a resurrection! When you are having a bad day, think about Jesus’ bad days, think about His Resurrection, and then realize that your bad days won’t last forever either. Good things will come from your bad days.
christianwomanhood.org
27
T he Voice of Dr. Jack Hyles
As Seeing Him Who Is Invisible
By Dr. Wendell Evans President Emeritus, Hyles-Anderson College “By faith Moses, when he was born, was hid three months of his parents, because they saw he was a proper child; and they were not afraid of the king’s commandment. By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’ s daughter; Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward. By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king: for he endured, as seeing him who is invisible.” (Hebrews 11:23)
Before Dr. Jack Hyles came to the Hammond,
Indiana, area, he preached a sermon entitled “Seeing Him Who Is Invisible.” I want to remind you of Brother Hyles as you read this article. The Lord used Dr. Hyles to change me from a typical Christian intellectual into somebody who could be more fully used of God. I had so much to learn. There were so many ways of applying the Scriptures to important issues in life that I didn’t know. For example, when I moved to the Hammond area to help Dr. Hyles start Hyles-Anderson Col-
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lege, I had every intention of studying under a famous historian who lived in the Chicago area and taught for one of the big universities in Chicago. (I had never seen the man, but I had read one of his books that had been given to me for Christmas one year.) I was so ignorant that I thought I would take a course or two in that Godless university! Dr. Hyles was used of God to change my life. I went to him very soon after we started the college and asked him to teach me about preaching. Because I sought advice from my pastor, God has used my preaching meetings in an amazing way. I will often go back to my motel at night and say, “Lord, thank You so much for answering prayer with regard to this meeting. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for moving in the hearts of the people.” And then I’ll think, “Thank you, Brother Hyles, for teaching me what little I know about how to preach.” I had breakfast recently with a successful, middle-aged business man. He moved to the area from a distant state so he could put his family in the First Baptist Church. He grew up in an entirely different part of the country—in an entirely different culture. He came here with one child and now has a larger family. Years before, when living in his home state, he had picked
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up a copy of The Sword of the Lord, and he read one of Dr. Hyles’ sermons. He said, “I’m going to go get under the teaching and the preaching of that man.” Interestingly enough, the sermon was about the way God could use women. It was one of the sermons Dr. Hyles had preached on women at a Christian Womanhood Spectacular. God used that sermon to touch the heart of this businessman to move hundreds of miles from another state. He saw the wisdom in that sermon, and he felt led to move. As we had breakfast, I said, “Why did you move here?” He said, “I wanted to be in a church that was doing something.” After he got here, he had a small business and almost went bankrupt. He got ahold of Russell Anderson, and he said, “Would you please advise me?” Dr. Anderson said, “Well, give me your phone number. I’ll call you sometime if I can.” When Dr. Anderson called him, he told the fellow, “Read the Bible, pray, and get some wisdom.” That’s the business advice that Russell Anderson gave this man! This businessman started to do that, and God began to give him wisdom, and God has blessed his business. He said, “Gradually I began to learn a few things, and God began to bless my business. I started giving much, much more than the tithe.” The way God used Dr. Jack Hyles to draw together people from all over America is absolutely amazing. Brother Hyles was a man who could motivate people to reach their full potential. I have known some great leaders, and I have worked with some great leaders, and I have sat at the table with many a great leader and entertained them for Dr. Roberson when they would come to speak for him at Tennessee Temple University and Highland Park Baptist Church in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Often I would host them, and then many times at noontime, I would have the opportunity to eat with them. I have known some of the greats in my lifetime, but there has never been a man in my lifetime who could help a person reach his full potential like Dr. Jack Hyles. He was a man of vision. He saw the One Who is invisible to most of us. You see, in 1959 the First Baptist Church was dead, dead, dead—deader than a small town at three o’clock in the morning. It was run by a bunch of committees. The former pastor was a nice man. One time Dr. Hyles asked me to host him and his wife when he came to visit. We had a nice time visiting about all of the mutual acquaintances that we both knew in the American Baptist Convention. Since I had grown up in the American Baptist Convention, we knew some of the same folks. Dr. Hyles’ predecessor was a good man. He and his wife were a very handsome older couple. Many families in First Baptist Church spoke well of them. But his dignity and his swallow-tailed coat were not sufficient to lead the First Baptist Church; the committees led it. In 1959 the First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, made a decision which changed its direction forever. They did not realize it, but they were determining not only the direction of the First Baptist Church, but also who was going to follow Dr. Hyles. They didn’t know that they were virtually calling his sonin-law to be his successor. One of Brother Hyles’ preacher boys,
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The Voice of Dr. Jack Hyles
a Hyles-Anderson graduate, would become his successor. They didn’t have a ghost of an idea about that. I am sure that in 1959 many of the First Baptist Church members thought, “Well, we’ve heard a lot of wild things about this young fella.” (Bro. Hyles was about 33 at the time.) “And we’ve heard what he did in Texas, but if he’s like that up here, we’ll just run him off.” But he just didn’t run well because he wouldn’t run from anything. They called the “Texas Tornado” to be their pastor. He didn’t wear a swallow-tailed coat. He didn’t defer to the committees; he dissolved the committees. He had a vision. He saw things that were invisible to other people. He didn’t see an old staid convention church catering to millionaires. He didn’t see a church catering to the socially elite. He saw a thriving, independent Baptist church reaching poor people and bus kids. He saw the invisible One! In Chattanooga, I asked him if I could take him to his hotel room, and I said, “Dr. Hyles, if you ever start a college, I’d like to help you.” He did not plan to start a college at that time. He didn’t know he was going to start Hyles-Anderson College. But the day came when he had the vision for it. He didn’t know he was going to start Hammond Baptist Schools—there was no such thing at that time. But later he had the vision for it. In
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1970 Hammond Baptist High School was founded. In 1971 Hammond Baptist Grade School was founded. In 1972 HylesAnderson College was founded at the Baptist City campus and started with over 300 students the first semester. That’s never been done before with a Bible-believing institution. Bob Jones University started with 85 students. Tennessee Temple University started with 115. We started with 301. The next semester we had 366. The next semester we had over 500. Why? Because Dr. Jack Hyles saw the invisible One! Ladies, we can’t see God’s physical makeup. We can’t even see His back as Moses did. But like Dr. Hyles, we can reach our full potential if we will learn to see God as Dr. Hyles did!
Resources: Teaching on Teaching ($10) Teaching on Preaching ($10) by Dr. Jack Hyles
See page 47 for ordering information.
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TAKE UP YOUR CROSS.
JULY 19-21, 2011
YOUTHCONFERENCEHAMMOND.COM
F eature
Walking With God
My Imaginary Friend By Loretta Walker Loretta is the wife of Evangelist Kevin Walker, who represents Hyles-Anderson College as they travel throughout the United States.
When I was a child, I would play games where I would have an imaginary friend. This friend was my confidante. I could tell this friend everything and didn’t worry about what she thought about me. This friend knew me intimately. When things were going right, she would rejoice with me, and when things were going wrong, she would be my comforter. Then I grew up and never thought about that friend until I got saved at age 17. After I got saved, I started reading my Bible every day. After reading, I would then try to think on what I had read throughout the day. Taking it a step further, I started talking to God all throughout the day. Little did I know that I had developed this new not-soimaginary Friend. As the years have progressed, I have spent more and more time each day with this Friend Who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). As a matter of fact, this friend has become so intimate that I no longer call Him my Friend but my Father (Romans 8:15). Walking with God is a 24/7 thing. I read my Bible in the morning, and then all day long I share life’s events. I went to a store recently where I was trying on a pair of boots. I asked the clerk who was helping me if I could wear them around the store to see if they felt right. She said yes, so I took off to look at the sales rack (I’m forever trying to do two things at once). Another woman approached me in a not-so-polite voice and informed me that I could not wear those boots outside of the 32
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boot section of the store. Because I am a sinner (and a mighty big one at that), my first reaction was to defend myself and tell her that there were nicer ways to say things to paying customers. But instead I hesitated long enough to remember this principle from the Bible: II Thessalonians 3:2, “And that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men: for all men have not faith.” Because of my Father’s being right there with me, I took off the boots and went to the sales racks without a word. It’s easy for me to walk away without getting ugly when I talk with my Father about it. I live with my family in about 300 square feet (a motor home). That’s not much space, and there only seems to be one place to get away from everybody (the bathroom). You can’t stay there all the time or for long periods of time, or they will think you are sick (either physically or mentally). My adult daughter helps me so much with work around the home and office; unfortunately, although she has been trained by me, she doesn’t do things exactly like me. So my Father and I talk a lot about her to keep my opinions to myself. Take for instance the other day we were working on carnival packets to send out to preachers. I have a particular order I like to do the packets, and she started doing them in the order that she thought was right. I started to change her procedure when I hesitated long enough to talk to my Father. He reminded me of Proverbs 20:7, “The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.” In about 20 years, this same daughter I want to correct
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is going to choose what nursing home I go in, so I decided I had better do it her way this time. It’s easy for me to give up my way when I talk with my Father about it. I am a fast-moving woman. In going fast, I don’t ask enough questions, which causes me to make mistakes. We were traveling north on I-75 on a Monday. We weren’t on a rigid time schedule when I noticed “The World’s Largest Western Store” advertised. I asked my husband if we could stop in. He had me call the place to make sure that our 65-foot rig would fit in their parking lot. The lady who answered said it would, and I asked which way to go when we got off the exit. All of us got excited about a break. We got off the exit and turned on the road but were unable to find the place on either side of the street. After driving a little while down the road, I called again and got a clarification. We had turned the wrong way. I am my husband’s navigator, and I saw a place that I thought he could pull in and turn around, but he just ignored me and started driving down a street that appeared on our GPS to connect to the interstate. When we got to the intersection, there was no ramp. We took a scenic trip into the country until we got back to the store (about 20 minutes). As we were driving, I started talking to my Father about the situation. I thought about blaming my husband for not turning around when my Father reminded me of Proverbs 13:10, which says, “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.” Then I was honest with myself and realized that if I had asked enough questions, I would have caught the fact that the clerk thought I was driving south when I had actually said I was coming from the south. So I confessed to my family that I felt at fault for this little excursion and started making comments on the old barns, funny signs, etc. You would be surprised how that changed the atmosphere of the wayward journey. It’s easy for me to admit my faults when I talk with my Father about it. So I guess I’m trying to explain to you that my imaginary Friend isn’t imaginary. He is a very real Person Who speaks to me through the Scripture that I try to read faithfully. I don’t always know the exact verse or even the reference that God brings to my mind. Sometimes it might only be a phrase, but it is enough for me to remember the principles of God’s Word and change my behavior. I love my Father. He is my Confidant (I John 5:15). I can tell Him everything and don’t have to worry about what He thinks about me (Psalm 139:2). He knows me intimately (Nahum 1:7). When things are going right, He will rejoice with me, and when things are going wrong, He will be my comforter (Isaiah 43:1, 2).
Resources: “How to Start Your Journey of Your Walk With God” By Pastor Jack Hyles (99-cent download) www.hylespublications.com
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F eature
Walking With God
The High Cost of Ignoring
the Word of God
by Frieda Cowling Faculty, Hyles-Anderson College
God leaves us no doubt regarding His feelings concerning impurity. I Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” God also gives His reasons for His commands. I Corinthians 6:19, 20, says,“What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” Satan bombards us with sex, indecent dress, and immorality, portraying this lifestyle as a way of life. He tells us, “If it feels good, do it.” Satan never tells us the high cost of ignoring the Word of God in the ruined relationships, broken marriages, wrecked lives, and distrust that follows. He tells us that everyone is doing it and that living together before marriage is a way of determining whether or not a future marriage would last. This philosophy may seem logical to the world, but it directly contradicts the Word
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of God. If we want to rear children who follow the Bible instead of the world, we must have a plan. The following were principles God used in my life that gave me the courage to flee fornication. Controlled Influences “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:5) God commands us to have the mind of Christ, which is only possible if our minds are filled with pictures, words, and music that honor God. It is impossible to fill our mind with worldly influence and still experience the mind of Christ. I John 2:15 says, “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”
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Books Reading books with the wrong philosophy will pervert our minds and cause sinful information that cannot be erased to be stored in our minds. No matter how well-written a book may be, if the philosophy disagrees with the Bible, it should not be read. Reading about fornication creates within us appetites that cannot be satisfied God’s way. Look for children’s books that are published before 1968 unless you read the book first. A book should pass the Philippians 4:8 test before you or your children read it. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” For example, one of the best-selling children’s authors of all time is J.K. Rowling, who I believe is being used of Satan to pervert the minds of children. She has written seven books centered around the character of Harry Potter, witches, and wizardry. Every time a book has been released, it is number one on the best-sellers list. Another series of books filled with undesirable sexual content are the Alice books. Children are fascinated by unscriptural pictures and content, but once this material is imprinted on the mind, it is impossible to erase. An appetite for the sin will never be satisfied. Television and DVDs “We’ve come a long way, baby”—from the Andy Griffith show to the television of today. Satan has a “heyday” bringing fornication into our living room. Our former pastor, Dr. Jack Hyles, put it this way: “A well-dressed attractive couple knocks on your front door. They tell you they are not married but would enjoy making love in your living room in front of your family. You would be shocked, and no doubt, you would say, ‘No!’ in a decisive way. Turn on the television, and this is exactly what happens.” The more we watch this kind of programming, the more we find ourselves no longer shocked by immoral behavior. Lewd, sexy scenes are imprinted on our minds and cannot be erased. Music and Music Videos God devoted a whole book in the Bible to music—Psalms. During times of heartache, defeat, and despair, reading a Psalm will encourage us and provide the strength we need to face the problem. The morning our son-in-law Rafael found his daughter Sara was not breathing and we learned of the situation, we immediately drove to the hospital. On our way God reminded me of Psalm 34 which I had just read that morning as a part of my daily Bible reading. When I reread this chapter, it was as if God had written this Psalm for me.
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Feature
Walking With God
Perfect Peace
By Dianne Dowdey Dianne is married to Chip Dowdey, a faculty member at Hammond Baptist Junior High School.
Isaiah 26:3, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”
Sometimes I feel uptight because my mind
is planning all sorts of good things to do and buy and work on. It’s wrong—not because it’s negative, evil thinking—but because it’s all about what I am going to do in my strength. I would be peaceful if I were trusting the God Who created all things to work through me. If He can make the stars and place them in the middle of empty space…if He can keep them in their exact same spot for over 6,000 years (some of them making pictures in the sky for us to enjoy)…if He can do all that, I feel confident that He has a handle on what I need to accomplish today. He’ll remind me of things and show me needs I can meet for the people I love. When I get all worked up about getting things done, I know my mind isn’t focused on God as it should be. God’s peace doesn’t come because I have everything under control, but because He has everything under control.
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Perfect peace comes to those “whose mind is stayed on thee.” (Isaiah 26:3) The word stayed in this verse means:
(1) “To take hold on” (2) “To lie hard” (3) “To rest self” (4) “To sustain”
Trust in GOD!
God wants us to stop our brains from spinning on the many details of the day. He wants us to slow down our breathing and relax our muscles. He wants us to slump over—a dead weight on His shoulder—and rest there. He’s got way better plans for this day than I could ever make. After a time of completely resting on Him and listening to Him, won’t it be exciting to see how He will use us today?
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Children
They Call Me Mom
Work on
Growth By Robin Ogle Pastor’s Wife, Calvary Baptist Church, Canton, Illinois
All mommies
want their babies to grow steadily—not just physically, but mentally and spiritually too. If we want to rear balanced Christians, we better work on growth in all three areas.
Growing Physically To help children grow physically, make sure they eat and drink properly. If items filled with fat, chemicals, and sugar are not purchased, then they can’t be eaten or drunk. Drink water exclusively. Then when you do serve another beverage, your children will feel like they are on vacation. Purchase healthful items such as fruits, vegetables, lean meats, tuna, whole wheat crackers and breads. Have set meal times. Never, ever allow snacking. Most kids who snack are not in the mood for a cucumber. Also, make sure your children play enough. I mean OUTSIDE. Let them play outside until they smell like a dirty puppy. The fresh air is good for them. They don’t need big plastic toys. Give them a stick and a margarine container, and let them dig up the yard. Most children today are afraid to be outside more than ten minutes. You just might have to teach them how to play! They should be worn out from play. After a day of school and play, sleep is vital to a child’s health and mental attitude. A nice evening scenario would be to give the child a warm bath, have family devotions, then read a few books, and it’s bedtime. About 8:00 or 8:30 for grade school age children is late enough, except for church nights. Growing Mentally Offspring need to grow mentally, too. Expect their best at school. Parents, check your child’s homework. Help and encourage him where you can. Have a set homework and project time. Go to the library every week and check out all types of books. Probably the best thing that happened to our family was that our television got hit by lightning. We could not afford a new one for 11 years, so we read, read, read. Try playing educational trivia games. Teach children to play checkers, chess, and Scrabble. Borrow educational videos from the library instead of gravitating toward the Hollywood films. Make sure your children know household skills,
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especially how to read directions. Visit museums, zoos, and historical sites. Limit electronic game time. On Friday night each child gets ½ hour of playing time. After that, playing time must be earned through extra jobs. Growing Spiritually Of course children should grow spiritually. Luke 2:52 says, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.” Teach your children how to read one word before school age—“God.” Then point out His name in the Bible and let them read it. After that, their Bible reading should keep increasing. By first grade each child has the ability to read a Proverb each day before school. It may not be politically correct, but ask them each day if they have read their Bible. If not, let Dad talk to them. Help your child with a prayer list. Read through the Bible together, even if it takes a few years. Have devotions and prayer time together daily. Get your children on a church bus route. Try to be in the same ministry together as much as possible. My husband encourages our children to serve others and to give of their time and talent. Spiritual growth needs to be lavishly praised and encouraged. “Fail to plan, plan to fail.” Benjamin Franklin had a list of items he was working on for self-improvement. Each day he would review the list and work on one area the entire day. This method works for child rearing, too. What ONE area could you help in your child’s growth today?
Resources: Rearing Kids With Character by Pete and Frieda Cowling ($15) Recipes for Rearing Children by Pete and Frieda Cowling ($18) See page 47 for ordering information.
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Perspectives
From the Pastor’s Heart
Defining the Roles of Your Husband by Dr. Jack Schaap Pastor, First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana
In defining your husband’s roles, it is best to
look at the Bible and understand God’s intentions for him in this role. I will not include all of the Bible verses in this text, but I recommend that you read the first two chapters of Genesis. In this article, it is not my desire to give my opinion; it is my desire to expose how the Bible defines your husband’s roles as a man. The first two roles I addressed in the June 2011 issue of Christian Womanhood were (1) Man was made to dominate, and (2) A man defines himself by his work. Allow me to continue with four additional roles.
Role #3: A man is a protector.
Men have a subconscious desire to protect; they love it. Your husband wants to protect you. Men don’t just want to protect their family, however; they also want to protect their neighbor. A man will protect his neighbor’s house as aggressively as he would protect his own house; it is an instinct. If your husband saw someone being abused or injured, he would not first ask himself, “Is there any danger to me if I get involved? What will be the repercussions if I help this lady, knowing my wife is jealous?” He doesn’t care. He jumps out of the car, grabs a weapon, and beats whatever person or animal is abusing another. Your husband is willing to defend anything. You need to understand that your husband is a protector by nature, not just a protector of you. If you do not understand this, you will develop unnecessary jealousy. The desire to protect is related to the desire to dominate. If someone injures something that is your husband’s, that person has stepped on his turf, dominated it, and trespassed upon the first role. 38
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Role #4: A man competes to overcome his natural weaknesses.
Men are competitive. Something inside of a man says, “I can beat that.” However much money your husband made last year, he would like to make more this year. When he fails, he says, “If it weren’t for such and such, I would have made more.” Men believe that they are better than what they appear to be. Men are always trying to say, “You don’t even know how good I am. In fact, watch me.” The dares are always with the guys and not with the girls. When men get together, they don’t say, “Hey Bob, so do you and your wife have a meaningful relationship?” They don’t say, “John, how is your boss? Is he dealing with the emotional crisis of his son’s having leukemia?” Men don’t talk about those things. When men get together and talk about themselves, they are quantifying their greatness. Men care how many points are on their buck. If your husband’s friend got a six-point buck, then he wants an eight-point buck. Men brag that their shift made the greatest number of widgets in the history of Widgets, Inc. It doesn’t matter what they make; what matters is that they are the best at what they do. Your husband is a man; he feels the same way. Men always want to do better and be more productive. That’s what they discuss. When you talk to another lady, you genuinely ask each other, “How is your husband? How is the family?” You don’t ask, “Why do you want to know?” You say, “Let me tell you about it. He is having a little bit of trouble with psoriasis, and we are using ‘Scalp X.’ What do you recommend?” Men don’t care about those issues. The Hebrew word for man is adam, and it means “to lift up and overcome.” The very label that God put on His creation was the label of an overcomer. When God made your husband, He was saying, “Watch this man overcome everything. Watch him go to work.” Once God blew breath into Adam’s nostrils, Adam went to work. God designed it that way. Men are competitive. Toll Free 855-214-6551
Role #5: A man develops a big picture.
Men are big-picture people; they focus on what will happen in the future. The entire area of Eden (not just the Garden) was about 500 miles from east to west and about 500 miles north to south. When God told Adam that it was his, I don’t think that Adam thought that the land was too big for him. As a pastor, I will never think that my church is big enough. It can always get bigger. Your husband’s influence at work is never big enough for his manhood. He knows that he could always do more, even if the boss doesn’t see the potential in him. The gender of a child is determined at conception, but it does not begin to develop sexual-specific traits until a few weeks and months later. When boys begin to develop their masculine traits in the womb, the right half of the brain begins to enlarge; the left half shrinks, and the cord that connects the two snaps. Because of this, men tend to be dominated by one half of their brain more than the other. Most men are dominated by the right half of their brain, and this half tends to develop the big picture. The right half of the brain enables people to perform athletically, have dexterity, and perform manual work. It is where people develop a competitive edge, logic, and the ability to explain. The left half of the brain enables us to be artistic, poetic, musical, and excel at some of the sciences. There is nothing feminine or masculine about those traits; it is a result of brain development. Men can learn to develop both sides of their brain, but they generally do not. There is a stereotype of the male musician who
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is laughed at by the construction worker. The construction worker thinks that the pianist is a wimp, and he would like to break the piano in half with his hands. The chiding is often the result of the burly man’s embarrassment at his inability to write a poem; he couldn’t pronounce Chaucer if he saw it written and couldn’t name a poem by the famous poet. The construction worker knows how to swing a hammer, though; he knows how to turn a wrench; he knows how to fix a gutter; he knows how to lay shingles. The point is that men want a big picture whether they are dominated by the left brain or the right brain. In women, both halves of the brain are the same size, and there is a connection between the two. This is why women are better at having strengths resulting from the left and right brain. They really are a little more coordinated. When your family goes on vacation, your husband wants to wake up at 3:59 a.m., load the car, and take off by 4:00 a.m. He is on a non-stop trip to Orlando. He doesn’t care if the kids have to go to the bathroom. The only reason he will stop is the fact that the car doesn’t have a big enough gas tank to drive non-stop to Orlando. A husband will put his wife through a lot to get to the vacation spot, and she will need a vacation from going on vacation with him. A man can spend about three days on vacation, and then he is ready to go home because his big picture takes shape. There is no big picture on vacation.
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Pastor’s
Perspectives
He wants to go home and get back to work where he produces things. He becomes mission-minded again after several days of vacation; he wants to go accomplish something. Women often tend to see the immediate picture before they see the big picture. When it comes to vacation, they care more about the clothing they have packed for the trip before they care about getting in the car and going to Orlando. A wife cares more about remembering her toothbrush than how many miles-per-gallon the car will get and calculating how many stops will have to be made based on the size of the fuel tank. Her husband knows that he can buy another toothbrush at the Walmart in Florida. If he exclusively planned and prepared for the vacations, the kids would not have anything to wear; they would never eat; and your little girl would still be wearing the same diaper at the end of the vacation. Most men just aren’t as good at seeing the immediate picture because they focus on the big picture.
Role #6: A man has a subconscious desire for companionship.
Men are more romantic than women. Neither a wife nor a husband would probably agree with that statement, but the romance he displayed in finding a companion outweighed any effort she has put forth to be romantic. He chased her, he asked her out, he paid for the dates, he bought the ring, and he might have planned the honeymoon. Romance declines after the wedding because men achieved their goal. Men are goal-oriented. His goal was to get a companion; he obtained one, and he feels that he doesn’t have to maintain that level of effort. He achieved his goal, so he stopped planning and imagining. Despite his goal orientation, he has a desire for companionship. Men want companionship so that someone will notice how great they are. What a man likes is to have his buddy say, “I have to hand it to you; I have never seen anyone do that as well as you.” They want recognition from their peer group. A man loves the little girl who walks up and says, “You are awesome.” But more than that, he would do anything to have his girl say that he is awesome. Men want women to appreciate how incredibly good they are at what they do. A wife is the one person a husband wants to impress; he wants her to recognize his greatness. When she tells him that he is great, he is ready to conquer Hell. Therein lies a fundamental point of great marital success: a wife needs to recognize her husband’s accomplishments. He doesn’t really want anybody else’s recognition since he 40
July 2011
found his wife. He won’t seek recognition elsewhere if he is getting it at home. A husband might struggle with receiving praise due to an injured psyche because of mistakes made in the past by him or mistakes that people made in dealing with him. He wants the admiration, but he doesn’t trust the words of the person who praises him. Perhaps he has been injured by an abusive home, a terrible example, or loved ones who have betrayed him. He might be skeptical. A husband might tell the wife who is trying to be his cheerleader to be quiet because he doesn’t believe his wife’s words. He believes that he is a failure, and he feels that people are patronizing him when they say kind words. A husband who condemns himself or lashes out at his wife when she is trying to be his cheerleader is displaying the evidence of an unhealed wound; he has judged himself undeserving of the praise. Men communicate to define who they are. Women communicate to bond with a person; she talks until she feels close. He talks until he has convinced another person that he is on his own turf, that it will be done his way, and until he feels like he has defined himself. Men talk about how fast their car is, how fast they can paint the car, how fast they can drive the car, how fast they can fix the car, or how fast they can wash their car; they are just looking for something where they are better than another. Men talk about how big a gun they have and how many birds or deer they have shot. They brag that they shot a 12-point buck when they didn’t even create the deer. Talking is an essential part of companionship, but men talk to do, not to feel. Women like to talk to establish feelings and not to accomplish a task. The roles of a husband are roles that his wife must help him fulfill. A wife is his helper and completer. A wise wife will read these roles and consider how she can help her husband fulfill them so that he can accomplish the roles that God assigned to him.
Resources: Marriage: God’s Original Intent by Dr. Jack Schaap ($18) Understanding Your Husband & Understanding Your Wife by Pete and Frieda Cowling ($15) See page 47 for ordering information. Toll Free 855-214-6551
Salvation
Let’s Go Soul Winning
An Amazing Soul-Winning Experience By Andrea Roberts Andrea is a member of the First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, Phoster Club.
Fourteen-year-old DaVante Jackson was a young man who was in my life for only a short time, but that short time changed my life forever. My son Nathan befriended DaVante and brought him to church. That Sunday morning he sat with our family. During the invitation, I could not wait to witness to him. DaVante bowed his head, asked Jesus to save him and to take him to Heaven someday. He then walked the aisle and was baptized. That was the beginning of an incredible journey for DaVante and me. He sat with my family every Sunday for ten weeks.
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On July 3, 2008, DaVante went swimming in Lake Michigan with friends and was pulled down by an undertow. He was missing for 13 days. Our fears became reality when on July 16, his body was found. It is an incredible comfort to my family and me to know that DaVante is in Heaven with his Saviour, Jesus. Our family wanted to reach out and love DaVante’s family through this time of sorrow. We took some food over to his home. I met his mother, Chanel, for the first time that day. My heart ached for Chanel. I knew DaVante would want me to tell his mother how she could see him again someday. On July 18, 2008, Chanel accepted Christ as her Saviour and was followed by DaVante’s brother, two of his three sisters, and two cousins. A few weeks later his 19-year-old sister Michelle came to know Jesus. On August 20, 2008, I received a birthday present from God. The husband of my friend, Janet Moore, owns a carpet-cleaning company. That morning Ron asked Janet to come with him to help with a big job. He was going to Bethlehem Village Apartments in Illinois. Janet was in the hallway pre-treating some spots in the carpet when a family—a man, a lady, and two little girls—came out of their apartment. Janet started chitchatting with them. They told her that they were actually moving out of state that day. The Holy Spirit prompted her to witness to them. She asked them that if they were to die, were they 100 percent sure they would go to Heaven. They suddenly acted as if they were in a hurry to leave. Janet said to them that what she was trying to tell them was the most important news they would ever hear. She started to tell them about a 14-year-old boy who had drowned in Lake Michigan. Their mouths dropped open, and the lady asked, “Are you talking about DaVante Jackson?” Janet was surprised at the question and said, “Yes.” The lady told Janet that DaVante was her nephew. DaVante’s dad is her brother. Janet told them that DaVante had accepted Christ as his Saviour just weeks before he died. She told them that they had no idea when they would die. She went through the plan of salvation with them. DaVante’s uncle and one of his cousins accepted Christ as their Saviour in the hallway that day. The aunt was already saved, and the other cousin was too young to understand. DaVante’s aunt asked Janet, “Please, please try and share this with DaVante’s dad.” She explained that he was in a prison in Washington State. What she didn’t know is that Janet and I had been praying for the opportunity to do just that. Janet told her that she would try to do so. DaVante’s aunt gave Janet the name of the prison where Don, Davante’s dad, was in prison. Soon after that, Janet called and spoke with the warden at Don’s prison. He told her that it would be impossible for Janet to speak with Don. He told her that Don was in the infirmary. God loves to remind us that with Him nothing is impossible. Less than 24 hours later, Don called Janet from a guard’s cell phone. She wanted to witness to him, but he could not talk long. She was able to find out that he was not saved before he hung up. She quickly told Don to call Chanel. Janet told me about the phone call from Don, so I told Chanel to be expecting a call from him. I told her to give Don my home
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Salvation
Let’s Go Soul Winning
phone number and to tell him that there was something DaVante wanted me to tell him. Chanel knew exactly what that was, and when she did receive the call, she happily did so. On October 22, 2008, Don called me at my home. I told Don how DaVante had trusted Jesus as his Saviour and that DaVante wanted very much to see his dad in Heaven some day. I told him DaVante wanted me to tell him how he could know for sure he could go to Heaven. Don told me that he was in the infirmary and that he had nearly died from a brain aneurysm. He said that he had asked God to help him know the truth and to let him know how to go to Heaven if he died. He listened closely to the plan of salvation and sweetly prayed out loud, accepting Christ as his Saviour. We talked several times after that, and I sent him a large-print Bible because he was unable to read the Bible at the prison due to his condition. Earlier that same month while I was out soul winning, I had knocked on a door in Ford Heights, Illinois. A lady came to the door with an open bottle of beer in her hand. I talked with her a minute and then asked her if she were sure of a home in Heaven. She told me she knew she would not go to Heaven and that she didn’t want to talk about this. “Just let me drink my beer,” she said. I told her that she had no idea when her time would come, and I shared about my 14-year-old friend DaVante who had drowned in Lake Michigan just weeks after I shared with him how he could know he would go to Heaven. She told me she was related to DaVante, and she asked, “How did you know him?”
You too can know 100% for sure, without a doubt, that you can go to Heaven. You need to know the following: Realize there is none good. Romans 3:10 says, “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one.” See yourself as a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” Recognize where sin came from. Romans 5:12 says, “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned.” Notice God’s price on sin. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Realize that Christ died for you. Romans 5:8 says, “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Take God at His Word. Romans 10:13 says, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” Claim God’s promise for your salvation. Romans 10:9-11 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.”
Now pray. Confess that you are a sinner. Ask God to save you and receive Christ as your personal Saviour. 44
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I told her that DaVante was a friend of my son’s and that he went to church with us. She said, “Well, I ain’t no church-going lady as you can see,” as she held up her beer bottle. I said, “You can’t earn your way to Heaven by going to church.” I showed her from the Bible what God says about putting our faith in Him as the only way to Heaven. I went through the plan of salvation with her, and she prayed out loud with me. I told her that she should go in her house and dump out her beer. I said, “If Jesus could die on the Cross for you, the least you can do is dump out that beer.” “No way!” she said. “I just opened this beer. I haven’t even taken a drink yet.” I invited her to church and then left. Before I even got to the next door to knock, she came back to the door and yelled my name. When I turned around to see what she needed, she held up the empty beer bottle and said loudly, “I dumped that beer out.” I laughed and told her God was proud of her and so was I. The next week I went to visit her again, and four of her daughters also accepted Christ as their Saviour. Many of DaVante’s family and friends have come to church with me since his death. One of them was a friend who was swimming with DaVante when he died. His friend told me he was also pulled down by an undertow but that he was thrown out of it, and that is why he lived. I told him how DaVante had been coming to church and how he had asked God to save him before he died. I then went on to tell him how to be sure he would go to Heaven when he died. He was saved that day and walked the aisle at church. DaVante has accomplished more through his death than what most people do in a lifetime. From Heaven, DaVante has watched 25 of his family and friends accept Christ. Many of them have been baptized and are growing in the Lord. I am not the same soul winner that I was before meeting DaVante. I feel a strong sense of urgency every time the Holy Spirit touches my heart to witness to someone. I have realized how special every soul is. I now know how many lives can be changed through just one precious life. Thank God for Phoster Club’s giving me the tools to be a part of this miracle in DaVante’s life.
Resources: How to Win a Soul to Christ by Corey Seulean ($8) Into the Highways and Hedges Soul-Winning Manual published by First Baptist Church of Hammond ($20)
See page 47 for ordering information.
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Perspectives
For Women From Men
Stay on Your Meds! by Brian Hasse High School Youth Director, First Baptist Church, Hammond, Indiana
In May 2007 I woke up on a Thursday morning with a slight pain in my mouth. I had no idea what was wrong. It felt like my gums were hurting a little bit, but I didn’t think much about it. I went through the day at work without the problem causing me much pain. Thursday night, though, I woke up in the middle of the night with my mouth hurting again. I got up, took some Advil, and went back to bed. Friday morning the pain was still there, but it was quite tolerable. Friday after school, I held a practice with my t-ball team. I could feel the pain increasing during the practice. On the way home, I could feel the pain getting worse. I rushed into the house, took some Advil, and went to lie down. I woke up late Friday night to take
some more pain medication. The pain became so bad that I called the dentist early Saturday morning to see if he could work me into his schedule. I went to his office early Saturday morning. When he examined my tooth, he found that the tooth which was hurting had already had a root canal, which means there are no nerves in the tooth. In order to find the reason for my pain, he took an x-ray. The x-ray showed an infection in the bone below the root of my tooth. He gave me some prescriptions for antibiotics and pain. I took both medications and waited. Nothing! I was still in really bad pain. When I complained to my wife about my pain, she said, “Well, it’s a ten-day antibiotic. It won’t heal the infection right away.” Immediately my thoughts turned to how we treat God. We mess up our lives badly, show up for one church service, and expect everything to be better. However, it doesn’t work that way. Walking an aisle at a revival won’t immediately change a person’s life. That decision needs to be lived day after day until one day you realize that your life is different. Just as I couldn’t see my infection go away, you cannot watch your heart change. It will change though if you stay on your meds—the Bible. “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.” (James 4:8a) “Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.” (Psalm 119:9)
Resources: Is God Real to You? by Jaclynn Weber ($6) No Regrets by Jaclynn Weber ($6)
See page 47 for ordering information.
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Anecdotes
Out of the Mouth of Babes
The Way Children Think
By David Stubblefield Academic Dean, Hyles-Anderson College
Recently my wife
and I had an opportunity to “babysit” three boys, ages 7, 4, and 2. We played dominos, constructed an indoor tent from blankets, and enjoyed even more adventures during the three days that we took care of these young men. One of our favorite activities was going to visit a horse stable where I work part-time. We saw many horses in their individual stalls and then went to the corral to watch the horses run, jump, and play in the two-feet-deep snow that had recently fallen. The sky was blue, the snow was bright white, and the horses were absolutely beautiful as they played in the snow. The seven-year-old first grader made an amazing statement to me out of the clear blue. He said, “Your wife is older than you, isn’t she?” I was stunned by his statement, and I questioningly replied, “Yes, she is. How did you know?” He had it all worked out in his mind, and he answered, “Because you call her ‘Mom’ and she calls you ‘Babe.’” LOL!
Recipe
From the Kitchen of…
Hawaiian Ices Non-Alcoholic Piña Colada Contributed by Michelle Cowling
1 cup pineapple juice ¼ cup cream of coconut 2 cups of ice Throw it all in the blender and give it a whirl for 15 or 20 seconds—until it’s nice and slushy! Yield: 2 or 3 servings 46
July 2011
When I am around young children, I generally call my wife “Mom.” I am not sure why I do this since my daughters are in their late 20s; it must be my mind going back a few years. James 1:19 says, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” One reason to be careful what you say is that you do not know who is listening or what they will think you are saying.
A Book Review
Reading
The Family Under the Bridge By Jennifer Bailey
Jennifer is a staff wife at First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana.
An old hobo named Armand lived under a bridge in Paris. He enjoyed his carefree life without a job or responsibility. The three children he found in his space under the bridge were soon to change his life forever. With no encouragement on his part, the children soon stole his heart, and he found himself wanting to find them a home. The Family Under the Bridge, written by Natalie Savage Carlson, is the delightful story of how even the grumpiest of hobos can be won over by three loving children. This book is heartwarming and funny. It is sure to become a favorite of any reader. • Needs some proofreading • Ages 10+ • Bibliographic Information: New York: Scholastic, Inc., a division of Harper & Row, Inc., 1958
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