Impact Magazine - Issue 188 - Mar 08 by Impact Magazine

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the men’s issue real man points IMPACT GRAPPLES WITH MASCULINITY

tony parsons AUTHOR TELLS STUDENTS TO HAVE MORE SEX

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VOTE ON THE PORTAL 3RD-7TH MARCH The Executive, Representational Officers and Faculty Coordinators represent YOU. They work and campaign locally and nationally, fighting for change that really affects students at the University of Nottingham. Have your say and vote for the candidates you want to run your Union, your services and to represent you.

Dear Impact,

I was wondering if you could ask Tristan Kennedy for me whether or not he got membership packs for Hizbollah [sic], as they sounded so nice I’m thinking of joining. Many thanks, Jordan Lewis Dear Impact,

Editorial

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letter of the month

A Men’s Issue…an issue for men…for men with…issues? “Men don’t have issues. What can I eat, what can I play with, what can I sleep with? They’re the only issues we have.” Fair enough. Thanks Dave, O male oracle to the Impact ladies, struggling with the irony that the Men’s Issue was being edited by two women.

Re: Tristan Kennedy’s article on Hezbollah last issue, I fully understand the need to provoke and challenge established views we hold on terrorist organisations but there is a large difference between a healthy challenging of views and being unnecessarily sympathetic.

The fact that Hezbollah carries out extensive social programmes does not change any of the above and should be expected and not greeted with surprise. Charity and welfare is key in Islam and naturally Hezbollah acts upon this, as do Hamas. Welfare and charity are noble things but this does not change the core facts about Hezbollah being extremely violent and awful. This topic is not left or right not is it pro or anti Israeli. It is about this magazine’s integrity. Yours Sincerely,

In other news (literally) the Impact editors were invited to be the ‘celebrity’ guests who discuss the Saturday papers on BBC Radio Nottingham at an ungodly hour in the morning. They must have been short of takers. Jess talked intelligently about the implications of Arts Council funding cuts, but was outshone by Alice who observed that the English woman who got out of her car on safari to pet a lion was probably “learned good” when it took a chunk out of her. The BBC has also picked up the ‘Cash on the Quiet’ article from December’s Issue 187 and will feature interviews with the article’s writer Sophie Pearce and student prostitute Abi Staunton- check out our website www.impactnottingham.com for details of when it will air.

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Warren Tarling

Finally, men’s mag hack Tony Parsons talks about male role models and why you should sleep with as many people as possible.

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This organisation is funded by an Iranian regime that executes people for ‘crime against chastity,’ has an AK 47 on its flag and whose leader says there is no difference between civilians and soldiers when it comes to attacking Israel. Not to mention that at Hezbollah rallies Nasrallah leads his supporters through chants of ‘death to Israel’. Why not throw in the fact that Nazrallah believes that martyrdom is the most ‘honourable’ way of dying and that the United States of America is the ‘great Satan.’

Our feature Real Man Points pushes four fresher guinea pigs through a series of gruelling army challenges, attempting to weed out the men from the fairies in Isis who grade each others’ appalling behaviour. In response to the advice, “men like pain”, we rounded up another group of lemmings to punch, twist and sweat their way through a training session with some of the top cage fighters in the UK. And, because our suggestion to the SU that a Men’s Issue might benefit from a few ‘art’ photographs had to be hastily retracted with “Yes. Funny joke. No, we would never put tits and arse in Impact”, we have dared to suggest that maybe there is more to the male psyche with our features on male feminism and body dysmorphia disorder.

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News

impactnottingham.com/news

On Campus

Greenaway on his way Professor David Greenaway will succeed Sir Colin Campbell as the University’s ViceChancellor, it was announced on the 2nd of January. The change will take place this summer after Sir Colin Campbell retires after 20 years in office. Professor Greenaway first joined Nottingham University in 1987 when he became head of the Economics Department. He then went on to serve as ProVice-Chancellor from 1994-2001, and was greatly involved in the development of Jubilee Campus. Keith Hamil, the

by Emily Conway

University’s President of the Council and Chair of the selection panel, has commented, “David is an outstanding individual who has demonstrated first class academic and management leadership skills throughout his career. We are very pleased that he has agreed to lead the University of Nottingham through the next stage of its development as a leading international university.”

“We are very pleased that Greenaway has agreed to lead the University through the next stage of its development” Professor Greenaway said, “Being appointed to lead this innovative and enterprising

Aspire to hit the heights

Professor Greenaway’s other achievements include being the director of the Leverhulme Centre for Research on Globalisation and Economic Policy, which he established in 1998, and holding the position of Chairman for the UK Armed Forces Pay Review Body. He has also acted as consultant to the European Commission, the World Bank, the UK Treasury, and the United Nations.

by Sophie Stammers

“I think ‘Aspire’ has strength, elegance and real purpose”

‘Aspire’, the sculpture to be built in the centre of Jubilee Campus, will be the tallest free-standing work of art in the UK. At 60 metres, it will be three times the height of the Angel of the North, three metres taller than Nelson’s Column, and well within range of Nottingham’s tallest building; the 72 metre Victoria Centre.

University Vice-Chancellor

one student on an online forum commenting; “it doesn’t endear students and some staff to know that £800k is being spent on a metal pole while student membership at the Uni’s sports centre is still expensive.”

“it will be three times the height of the Angel of the North, three metres taller than Nelson’s Column” The eight metre concrete column and 52 metre ‘mast’ of red and orange steel were designed by Ken Shuttleworth, the architect responsible for the ‘Gherkin’ building in London. The remarkable £800,000 it will cost to build has been funded by an anonymous benefactor.

institution is a great honour and I am delighted to have the opportunity to do so. The prospect of working with so many talented colleagues from across the University to advance the quality of teaching, research and internationalisation that makes Nottingham such a distinctive community is genuinely invigorating.”

University staff have stressed that the money was kindly donated specifically for the purpose of a sculpture, and is nothing to do with other university finances. “I think ‘Aspire’ has strength, elegance and real purpose,” said the University’s Vice Chancellor, Sir Colin Campbell. This purpose comes at a price, with each metre of the statue costing, on average, just over £13,333. Controversy has arisen around the issue, with

Aspire has been approved by the council’s planning committee and will be erected by July.

Local Man murdered on Radford Road Nottingham Police have launched a murder inquiry after a dead man’s body was found in a flat on Radford Road, Hyson Green last month.

discovered, Mr. Milon’s apartment and a takeaway restaurant in Alfreton Road were sealed off in order to examine whether there are any links with the murder.

A post-mortem examination conducted at Leicester Royal Infirmary found that Leszek Milon, a 38-year old Polish man, died from head injuries. The day the body was

Two polish men, Krzysztof Zejmowicz (38) and Tomasz Karbowski (33), both residents of Radford Road, were arrested and remanded in custody. Meanwhile a third man, Tomasz

Rise in parking fines Lenton students will be no strangers to waving goodbye to a visiting friend, only to find a £60 fine on the windscreen of their non-resident vehicle. Lenton’s residential streets are almost all reserved for permit holders only, and frequent patrols from parking wardens mean that visitors or students without permits are regularly fined. With the new parking laws coming into force on 31st of March, there is likely to be an additional £10 charge for cars caught without permits. Where the previous system had a single £60 fine for all offences, the new legislation will differentiate, with fines somewhere between £50 and £70. The BBC predicted the nationwide changes will “spell chaos” for some areas, with a 20% increase in the fines for more serious offences. Fines can be halved if paid within 14 days, and the council stresses that everyone has the

“I’m very happy to see yet further reductions in the overall crime figures for the county” Nottingham Deputy Chief Constable Susannah Fish

Rusinski (36), was charged with the murder. Canning Circus Police were unable to comment on the case for legal reasons. Although the areas of Radford and Hyson Green have always had a negative image in the city of Nottingham, Radford in particular is still a popular student area as housing prices are low and it is closely located to the city centre.

by Sophie Stammers

right to appeal. However, one Lenton student faced a fine of £250 because she was unable to attain her permit during the last October’s postal strike. Despite the documentation being sent incorrectly to her permanent home address, which delayed the permit further, she was only able to reduce the fines to £120. The grandfather of one student, a disabled badge holder, received a fine for stopping for twenty minutes in a near empty Lenton street, and his appeal against the charge was unsuccessful. In a student area like Lenton, where 60% of residents are non-taxpayers, together with the frequent presence of parking wardens, it is easy to speculate that the parking fine system is a form of indirect ‘stealth tax’. The advice to students bringing a car to the city is to send off for a permit well in advance. Resident’s and visitor’s permits are available from Parking Services on 0115 9156655.

Crime plummets... statistically Crime in Nottingham is decreasing, according to the latest official figures. Between July 1st and September 30th 2007, there was a 6.2% fall in recorded crime. Nottingham saw a 15% drop in house burglaries, well above the national 8% reduction, and figures showed a 28% drop in sex offences. Both violence and robbery were also down, by 9.4% and 17% respectively.

by Lyn Petesch

Less encouraging were the figures for drug offences in the county, which increased by more than 38%. Although this figure is well above the 21% national rise, police chiefs insist this is a ‘positive’ figure, proving that officers are being pro-active in the war on drugs. Acting Nottingham Deputy Chief Constable Susannah Fish commented: “I’m very happy to see yet further reductions in the overall crime figures for the county, as well as reductions in crime types that are of great importance to those who live in Nottinghamshire. Burglary and violent crime figures have reduced dramatically.”

by Susannah Sconce

Despite these apparently positive statistics the overall decline in recorded crime is still below the 9% national average, forcing residents to question how effectively the local police force are tackling drug trafficking and theft. Local residents have been quick to highlight the dubious nature of statistics based only on recorded crime, arguing that the majority of incidents in the country go unreported. With gun crimes in Nottingham hitting the headlines at an alarming rate, it seems these statistics are simply the latest in a long line of knocks to the city’s already negative reputation.

No License to Grill Takeaways in Lenton are facing a struggle for survival after recent laws restricted their opening hours. Fortune Boy, El Passo Grill, and Arco Pizza have been told by authorities that they must apply for permission to serve food until 2.30am. This comes after thousands of pounds were spent on licences to stay open late. Located in the heart of a thriving student district, the owners claim that they are losing valuable business because they are unable to serve food to late-night partygoers. The city council last month authorised legal action and possible prosecution against five takeaways in Lenton because they were staying

by Susannah Sconce

open past 11.30pm. A leading city councillor has claimed that a lack of communication between licensing and planning departments is the cause of the recent problems. In 2005 Kamal Zadeh, who runs Arco Pizza, borrowed a substantial sum of money in order to comply with the terms of his premise licence, but months later the 30-year-old Iranian was told he would also need planning permission to continue serving late. Despite obtaining the earlier licence on the grounds that his takeaway was on “a busy road in an area with a large student population”, Zadeh was denied planning permission after council officials ruled the outlet would create “noise and disturbance.”

“I can’t survive if we don’t open after 12.30pm” Zadeh, owner of Arco Pizza His takings have dropped and he will soon be forced to leave the flat above his shop because he cannot afford the rent. “I can’t survive if we don’t open after 12.30am,” he said. “The students want something to be open. I am confused why the planning department didn’t tell us at the time. I wasted my money and time.” ...fast food?

Church Badgered into Submission Badgers living in the grounds of St. Leonard’s Church on Wollaton Road have been digging up human remains as they tunnel through some of the older graves in the cemetery. The church intended to close down the sett by putting up a wall to prevent the badgers from moving into the grounds which would hopefully lead to them relocating in nearby Wollaton Park.

“We are concerned for the welfare of the badgers” However, a licence to remove the badgers was revoked and the pest controllers were forced to leave after local resident Valerie SimpsonBlagg and badger enthusiast Derek Warren contacted Natural England, part of the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra) to complain about the actions which were being taken against the animals. “I knew it was breeding season for badgers

and they are protected, so the pest controllers should not have been there,” said Mrs Simpson-Blagg. “I was very upset by it, what would the cubs do without their mum if they were trapped on the surface?” By law cubs and pregnant badgers cannot be excluded from setts between December and August. Father Kevin Clark, parish priest of St Thomas More Church which owns the land where the sett is, said: “We are concerned for the welfare of the badgers, but our concern for the pastoral needs of those whose loved ones lie in the cemetery has to be put first.” A Natural England

mum, look what I’ve found

A city council spokesman commented: “Business proprietors should make sure they understand and take responsibility for planning matters and take appropriate advice at the right time,” adding, “unfortunately Arco Pizza prematurely made alterations to the premises before planning permission was granted.”

“At the end of a big night out, there is nothing better than a big greasy pizza” While this may be good news for the figures of most students, our appetites in the small hours of the morning after a night out might not agree. A fifth year engineer commented that, “At the end of a big night out, there is nothing better than a big greasy pizza.” He continued, “Not only this, but sometimes it also does for breakfast the next day!” Other students have reacted to the lack of late opening by stating that it retracts from the buzzing student night life of Lenton. With other establishments in Lenton such as the Bag O’ Nails remaining open until 2.00am, it begs the question about whether this licensing restriction is unfair and not in tune with the rest of the area.

by Heather Saxton

spokesperson said a licence to allow the pest controllers to work at the site until January 14th had been issued by mistake and has now been revoked, adding: “No works will continue at the sett after December 31.”

News in Brief Post Ofﬁce Closure The date for the closure of the Lenton Post office has been revealed as the 12th March. Despite protests against the closure of the branch, the Post Office are going ahead with their plans to axe 75 branches across the country including 12 in the Nottingham area. Glass Attack A man was left needing several stitches after allegedly being glassed by a woman in a city bar. The 41-year-old man from Kirkby-inAshfield was in Tantra on Victoria Street at around midnight on November 10th, when he says he was hit over the head with a pint glass. Police have viewed CCTV footage and released pictures of a woman they would like to contact. Nottingham Eye The ‘Nottingham Eye’ has been constructed in Old Market Square; the observation wheel will be open to the public from Friday until March 4th. Like its metropolitan counterpart, it will stand at 60 metres high and each trip will take ten to 15 minutes. Student Food According to a recent poll, students spend an average of just under £3 per day on food while at university. Figures from a government study show that a surprising 46% of students have at some point worried about running out of food due to lack of money. Graduate Job Prospects According to the Association of Graduate Recruiters (AGR), graduate job vacancies will rise this year despite employers anticipating difficulty in filling them. A recent AGR survey predicts graduate vacancies to rise by 16.4%, despite current economic fears. Only pharmaceutical and insurance firms are not predicting growth. Salaries are also expected to increase slightly by 2.1%, bringing the median salary for new graduates to £24,000.

National

NSDF success... again

The Arts Council’s axe finally fell on numerous high profile arts organisations last week, many of them losing all or most of their funding. However, many organisations across the UK had cause to celebrate, amongst them the National Student Drama Festival. Arts Council Yorkshire have reviewed their decision to cut NSDF’s £52,000 grant and are going to support the 2008 festival. The national festival that celebrates excellence in student performance will take place in Scarborough, and feature twelve of the best student plays from around the country, and workshops from top professionals such as Tim Fountain, Roy Williams, Mark Rosenblatt and the Lyric Hammersmith.

“We are the best university for student theatre in the country” Ali Blackwell, New Theatre President

Nottingham University’s New Theatre were also celebrating the Arts Council’s decision. New Theatre have had two shows from the Autumn season selected to perform at the NSDF final, in March 2008 Enda Walsh’s Disco Pigs and David Auburn’s Proof. This is the second year running

that two shows from Nottingham have been selected to perform at the finals in Scarborough. The University of Nottingham had two shows selected to perform at NSDF ‘07 in Scarborough, People At Play’s ‘Talking To Terrorists’ and Ankle Productions’ ‘Cast Aside’, both companies which have strong links to the New Theatre. The shows, which incorporated over 30 Nottingham students, were watched by almost 800 people. New Theatre President, Ali Blackwell told Impact, “The New Theatre is absolutely thrilled by the Arts Council’s decision. NSDF celebrates the best student drama in the country, and is a powerful experience for a young theatre practitioner. Nottingham should be very proud that for the second consecutive year, the New Theatre has two productions at this prestigious festival- a greater achievement than any other university- making us the best university in the country for student theatre.” He also added, “ We are the only student run theatre in the country. More universities should liberate their theatres, because the structure that we enjoy certainly seems to be working.” by Jessica Elgot

A hump leads to a Degree Slump A recent Cambridge University survey of over 1,000 undergraduates has shown a correlation between students with high numbers of sexual partners, and those with low grades. Some of the lowest listed colleges on the Tompkins’ Table of academic performance, were revealed to have the highest numbers of sexual partners per student. Homerton students, whose academic record sent them plummeting to the bottom of the 2007 Tompkins’ Table, were shown instead to be overqualified in their extra-curricular activities, boasting an average of seven sexual partners. Christ’s College

“It’s good to see that Doctors and Nurses is still a popular game” Fletcher, Cambridge SU President students, whose high degree results suggested ‘studying’ remained the traditional activity of the lecture room rather than the bedroom, had a mere three sexual partners in comparison. The survey also looked into the correlation between sexual behaviour and degree discipline. Medical students get around far more than any other subject, with an average of eight sexual partners, whilst almost half of the mathematicians interviewed had never had sex. Mark Fletcher, the Cambridge SU President did not seem surprised by these results. “It’s obvious the mathematicians haven’t found the winning formula yet,” he suggested. “But it’s good to see that Doctors and Nurses is still a popular game.” Whilst many of the national papers are raving about the results of the study, it will not come as a shock to many students, most of whom are familiar with the idea that too many long nights in Isis or too many late night visitors might just possibly have an effect on studying.

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by Sophie Stammers

The Debate From the Left As a democratic, consciencedriven political organisation, the Labour party doesn’t think with one brain or speak with one mouth. To the envy of the Conservatives, who barely have one of the former, and can’t keep their foot out of the latter. Distracting, unnecessary, and civil liberty crushing, ID cards for anyone are the misplaced attempt of a Government’s genuine desire to protect its citizens. And it will be Labour’s own at the forefront of the opposition. It’s nauseating to hear the ‘if you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to fear’ argument. It’s as simplistic as the degenerates making it.

“Like anything led by Cameron, the Tories have hijacked a vital issue, picking their side for their own political end” Even more sickening though is the opportunism of the Tories. Coming out against ID cards, they find themselves on the same side of “the sandalwearing hemp sporting” (banana smelling?!) hippies that plague their nightmares. They won’t be there because they believe in civil liberties and they won’t be there because the money could be better spent on public services (who needs universal health care and education when the rich can be taxed less?). Like anything led by Cameron, the Tories have hijacked a vital issue, picking their side for their own political end. Labourites – both those for and against – will be there because they believe it is right to be.

To ID or not to ID...?

From the Right

Home office documents which have been leaked to the Conservative Party state that by 2010 students aged 16 will be forced to obtain an Identification card in order to apply for a student loan or even open a bank account. The ID cards will cost students up to £100 each. The government has said that ID cards would “assist” students in opening their first bank account but the Conservatives argued it amounted to the government “blackmailing” students. Shadow Immigration Minister Damien Green said students would be made to apply for cards to obtain funding in a “straightforward blackmail” with the government acting to bolster a “failing policy”. The biometric cards are due to be introduced for foreign nationals later this year, with the first expected to be issued to UK citizens on a voluntary basis from 2009. From next year, they will also be issued to people in “positions of trust” such as airport workers. The revelations have led to concerns that the government is planning to collect the fingerprints and other biometric details of more than two million young people entering higher education each year by stealth. “It is extremely disappointing “Besides being that the Government is planning morally reprehensible, to use students as guinea pigs this plan is for this scheme by forcing them to take on ID cards in also completely order to apply for a loan,” said NUS Vice President (Welfare), impractical” NUS Vice Ama Uzowuru. “Besides being Welfare President, Ama Uzowuru morally reprehensible, this plan is also completely impractical. The student loan system is complicated enough as it is, without introducing yet another layer of bureaucracy to the process. Many students change address at least once a year and would be obliged to report such changes in their personal circumstances or face a £1000 fine.” In favour of the scheme, the Labour Party draws upon the increased efficiency that such an administrative tool would create. There would also be a reduction of the crime of false identification being produced when attempting to open a bank account. Other arguments suggest that cards may help reduce immigration service bureaucracy. With the ever increasing debt that students often find themselves in, paying extra for such an ID card is unlikely to be met with a smile by students. Nor the implication that students, who are financially vulnerable, will be used as the ‘guinea pigs’ of this scheme musters any kind of reassurance.

Pippa Vaux

Identity Cards have been consistently opposed by Conservatives for good reason: to protect the individual from the tyranny of this ever maligned and autocratic government.

“Tories make the noble, libertarian case to protect the public against rampant statism” Commissar Brown has continued on from where former General Secretary Blair, left off and is now ordering his ignorant, ill-informed and ignoble Red Army to vote through this draconian legislation in Parliament. And, with the intelligence of a media studies graduate on speed, they follow him like the Pied Piper of Hamlin – without the kids, one would hope. At least the sandled, bearded and putrid Liberal Democrats are joining with the Tories in the division lobbies. Tories make the noble, libertarian case to protect the public against rampant statism; the Liberals seek, honourably, to protect their right to make banana skin cigarettes in private. Allegedly. Apparently the Nottingham Labour ‘Club’ opposes ID Cards. Well thank God for that – blood does run through the otherwise cold and decrepit veins of the socialist hardcore. Surprising, considering their genetic makeup is more similar to that of a pot of Savlon than a human being. Right, I’m off for a Starbucks. Now where did I put my library card… Craig Cox, President of Nottingham University Conservative Association.

Frances Ryan, Chair of Nottingham University Labour Club .

Sport Trouble at the top for Federer For the hundreds of students heading to work at this summer’s All England Tennis Championships, times may be about to change. Roger Federer’s years of dominance were so aptly characterised by the epic men’s final of 2007; Rafael Nadal claiming two sets before the inevitable, even necessary comeback by the Swiss ace. It was an epic climax that secured his historic fifth consecutive Wimbledon title. There is little doubt that Nadal himself has brought great colour to one of the greatest rivalries the sport has ever seen; a sight to be viewed with complete awe.

has immediately built on a highly successful 2007, where he lost two semi-finals and a final to Federer and a semi-final to Nadal. Evidently, the breaking of the Federer -Nadal monopoly should come as no surprise, but it does. So lulled in were we by the years of the pair’s dominance, we almost forgot there was anyone else to notice. Quietly however, the seriousness of the challenge from the likes of Mikhail Youzhny, Richard Gasquet, Andy Murray and other very talented players has been gathering pace. Yet, Novak Djokovic is an altogether different threat to the world order of tennis. His first grand slam comes off the back of sustained pressure on the top two, marking him out as genuine contender to permanently disrupt the familiar pattern of Grand Slam victors.

In light of this, there seemed only one course that men’s tennis could follow in 2008. The 26year old Federer, just three grand slams short of Pete Sampras, would march on and continue to leave records in his wake. Not that it would be easy; Federer’s tears at the moment of triumph dramatically illustrated that the Spaniard had tested the world number one to his limits. But, it would seem the call to greatness, the seductive chance to be the best there ever was will not be as straightforward as previously predicted. For the first time in recent years we saw neither Rafael Nadal nor Roger Federer in the Australian Open Men’s Final. Novak Djokovic defeated Jo-Wilfred Tsonga 4-6, 6-4, 6-3, 7-6, both players who convincingly

“It seems Federer’s call to greatness will not be as straightforward as previously predicted” dismantled the world number one and two in respective semi-finals. The 20-year old Serbian,

Perfection isn’t as easy as it looks I found myself this morning looking at a mug that I was drinking from which read, ‘Perfection isn’t as easy as it looks’. I thought how true that was, especially in the wake of one of the biggest shocks American Football’s NFL had ever seen. The night of Super Bowl XLII was just another example of why so many people are addicted to the sport. The New England Patriots, possessing possibly the best quarterback since the Dolphins’ Dan Marino and the best record since the Dolphins’ unbeaten season in 1972, were stunned by a wild card entry. The New York Giants’ Eli

by Andy Straiton

Manning, younger brother of one of last year’s winners, Peyton, secured the 17-14 victory by hitting Plaxico Burress in the end zone with only 35 seconds left on the clock, sending the crowd into raptures.

“You could sense the growing belief in the Giants’ ranks” The Giants were written off by fans and professionals alike leading up to this game, expected to be the team that turned up and played hosts to the perfect season. But this was not to be, and as the score remained a tight 7-

It is clear that this year and in seasons to come, Federer will have more than the Spartan spirit of Nadal to shrug off if he is to achieve a record fifteen grand slam titles and thereby officially become the finest tennis player the world has ever seen. He will no doubt feel what Simon Barnes of The Times wrote of tennis’ other great hero of recent years, as this season unfolds: “Sampras…had once felt the weight of a championship heavy on his shoulders, now he felt the weight of history.”

by Matthew Edwards

4 to the Patriots for a significant portion of the game, you could sense the growing belief in the Giants’ ranks. Their confidence building, with Patriots star quarterback Tom Brady reduced to sloppy passes, the Giants’ dominant defense sacking him five times. With their own line so solid, the Giants had to discover a way to unlock a seemingly impenetrable Patriots defense, which had only conceded an average of 17.1 points all season. On the final 83 yard drive, Eli Manning stepped up to the plate, ensuring that this magic 17 point haul was all that was required to secure the coveted Super Bowl crown in dramatic fashion for the Giants.

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Viva La Revolucion

by Gemma Casey

“Capello’s mentality of winning above everything else is exactly what England needs” this. Capello probably won’t give a damn about the fans either, which is fine as long as he helps England win something. Capello’s mentality of ‘winning above everything else’ is exactly what England need right now. At a time when the nation and the players doubt themselves, Capello is the type of person who can get them to start fighting again. England need to rebuild; Capello, because of his managerial stature, can drop stars and pick ’stars-in-the-making’ for the future. Capello takes up toughest job in football

After much speculation over who would replace an appalling Steve McClaren, Fabio Capello has been charged with the task of managing England and restoring our national pride. Most of us were probably wishing for Jose Mourinho, but there are many reasons as to why Capello was the fitting choice. The fact that in 2007 Capello secured Real Madrid its’ first La Liga Championship for six years in his ‘only’ season at the club speaks volumes. What’s more, Capello won’t ‘play nice’ with the media, and it’s about time that we had a manager who said what he thought instead of pandering to public opinion. His refusal to hand Beckham his hundredth cap is ample evidence of

Capello’s experience in Serie A and La Liga will be immensely valuable in allowing him to point out where local academies are lacking in their training of English talent. The National team must find the solutions to fulfill the promise of their massive potential. Capello is exactly the type of manager who can point them out. The players need to be dressed down and shouted at sometimes - on other occasions they need to be told that they can win. Motivation and the hairdryer treatment are part and parcel of management, but English players haven’t had such treatment for too long now. And yes, Capello can give that to them. Bringing Capello onboard is a major statement of intent - instead of pandering to misguided notions of ‘continuity’ and ‘Englishness’, the FA have finally investing in one thing only - results.

What is Tough Guy? It is the original survival ordeal, a test of physical and mental endurance designed to take you beyond your limits on torture rack obstacles known as The Killing Fields, following a wild terrain warm up; annually held on the last Sunday in January and July. Impact: How did you first get involved? Sam: At school, every year they’d send a team up to ‘Tough Guy’ to represent, and I saw the pictures from it and it looked really cool and interesting. Somehow just the idea to test my body to the limit was really appealing to me at the time.

Nottingham Uni Vs Nottingham Trent Varsity Series 2008, sponsored by BP. Varsity Ice Hockey Attendance 2007: 3,100 Monday 25th February, Nottingham Ice Arena (Capacity 10,000) Varsity Football Attendance2007: 3,467 Thursday 28th February at Meadow Lane, home of Notts County Football Club (capacity 20,300) Varsity Basketball & Netball Event 12th March at Nottingham Trent Sports Centre Varsity Rugby Union Attendance 2007: 2,200 Monday 21st April 2007 at Meadow Lane, home of Nottingham Rugby Club (capacity 20,300) Varsity Hockey Thursday 24th April 2008 at Highfields Water Base Pitch Varsity Rugby League Attendance 2007: 600 Wednesday 30th April 2007 at Nottinghamshire R.U.F.C. (potentially moving to Meadow Lane) Varsity Cricket Event Attendance 2006: 1,700 Date T.B.C., Venue T.B.C. * The charity for this years Varsity Series will be the Nottinghamshire Royal Society for the Blind.

Tough Guy Would you willingly throw yourself into a pool of ice –cold water for kicks? How about through walls of barbed wire, followed by hundreds of metres of underground, claustrophobic tunnels? If your balls are already rapidly receding into your body, spare a thought for Sam Ellis, a Cavendish fresher, who, along with thousands of others, spent Sunday 27th January doing just that in the event known as ‘Tough Guy’.

Events and Dates to look out for

by Tom Brookes

Impact: And how long have you been doing it? Sam: Since I was in Lower 6th. So I started doing it when I was 17. Impact: So what kinds of obstacles do you have to overcome on the day? Sam: There are climbing frames, electric wires, burning bales, abseiling, muddy and icy water, these Vietcong-type tunnels with lots of dead ends.. And there’s a lot of running. I guess the biggest obstacles, though, are your own nerves. Impact: With a course like that, what are the risks? Sam: Hypothermia is a massive danger. Then there’s other stuff like broken bones, fractures and sprains, and general cuts and bruises. I’ve been quite lucky, as only my knees and legs have been cut up. Normally, though it varies a bit from year to year, about 20% drop out, so that’s about 1000 out of the 5000 who entered. Impact: How do you get into shape for

something like this? Sam: I ran a lot, particularly outside so I could get used to the cold. Last year, me and my friends practised submerging under ice water, but this year I didn’t see much point in it. Also I did a lot of gym work, because you need a lot of upper body strength. Impact: How did you feel afterward? Sam: Absolutely shattered, though you do feel as though you’ve genuinely achieved something, so it’s definitely something I’d recommend. Impact: Finally, you raised some money for charity didn’t you? Sam: Me and my friends have always done it to support our local therapy centre for Multiple Sclerosis sufferers in Sutton and Croydon. As a sportsman, it’s something I feel particularly strongly about - MS being a degenerative disease - so it’s good to be able participate in such an awesome experience, and at the same time do something for our community.

REAL MAN POINTS So, we award each other man points for telling a girl that they’re butters after chugging lethally alcoholic £5 power rounds and general nudity. What is the relevance of these points? Are you really manly when it matters? Could you survive in the wild? Would you be the hunter or become the hunted? With the assistance of a military expert, Impact put four very different freshers through some gruelling challenges to determine who really deserves Real Man Points and perhaps shine some light on what really makes a man.

Name: Rob ‘The Sportsman’ Edwards.

Course: Civil Engineering. Role model: Chuck Norris. Qualifications: I once did a poo on a car bonnet for man points...just to mix things up you know? I’ve run 3 half marathons. Strengths: I’m captain of Hu Stu footy team so I’m very competitive, I’ve got a lot of stamina and I’m tactically minded...hopefully my civil engineering course will come in handy too. Weaknesses: None to mention... Manliest thing you’ve ever done: Bungee jumping and Great White Shark Cage Diving in New Zealand.

Least manly thing you’ve ever done: I’ve done a lot of ‘gay’ stuﬀ.... but that was of course for man points.

Name: Adam ‘The Townie’ Wood. Course: English and Classics. Role model: Err..David Blaine...crap can I change that? Qualifications: Eating a fish head...or was it the rib cage?...at Mr Hu Stu. Strengths: Well, Partridge is wearing a leather jacket so I can’t do that badly. Also, I’m fairly resilient as I come from quite a pikey area in Reading. Weaknesses: No guns...of the muscle variety. Manliest thing you’ve ever done: I once chased after a robber who was nicking stuﬀ from a jewellery store...I didn’t catch him of course but it’s the thought that counts isn’t it? Least manly thing you’ve ever done: Once I used a moisturiser that I didn’t realise had fake tan mixed in with it. An orange face was the result and naturally got absolutely rinsed.

Name: Tom ‘The Geek’ Partridge Course: Architecture. Role model: Alan Partridge. Qualifications: My mates think I’m a Geek because I’m computer assistance manager at Hu Stu Hall... but... well okay I am a geek, it’s cool. Strengths: I’ve been in physical preparation with a game of hockey on Sunday..but I did get a hockey ball to the mouth which smashed my brace... so I only played half the match. Anything involving logic is probably going to be advantageous to me because I’m good at maths. Weaknesses: If strength is involved in the challenges I’m buggered. I can run for about 5 metres. Manliest thing you’ve ever done: Having sex is about as good as it gets. Least manly thing you’ve ever done: The way I have sex...I don’t really want to go any further into that though thanks.

Name: Angus ‘The Farmer’ Duncan Course: Politics. Role model: Margaret Thatcher. Qualifications: ‘Tell her’ – I rudely observed that a girl had tree trunk legs in Isis, the lads dared me to ‘tell her’ for man points. I went up to her and told her...I naturally received a well–deserved cold, hard slap. Strengths: I fancy it actually – I’ve heard the challenges are out in the country so I could have a bit of an edge. I live in the country in Sussex so I don’t mind getting my hands dirty. Weaknesses: Cold water...really not a big fan. Manliest thing you’ve ever done: Wax my chest for ‘manly banter’.

Least manly thing you’ve ever done: Probably wearing a tutu on a night out.

words Stewart Bailey and Ben Davies photos Emi Day 15

The challenges Sobered by a respectful minute silence in memoriam of Jeremy Beadle’s passing and disclaimers on any deaths not being linked back to Impact signed, Officer Cadet Gillum (OCDT) was unleashed from his cage. Our survival specialist has been enrolled in the OTC since he was 15, spending weekends on end in freezing trenches; he’s seen nature at it’s rawest and thereby proves the perfect judge to give our recruits the Real Man Points Challenge: “Today’s Real Man Points challenges will push the boys harder than their ‘man points’ will ever do. I look for people who push themselves to their maximum and use physical and mental strength. I look for pure dedication to the tasks. I aim to push these boys to their breaking limit – I expect and demand their all.”

Challenge 1 - Physical Training Aim: To sort the men from the boys. There’s no pissing in the kids’ pool for our recruits, thrown in at the deep end. OCDT Gillum had the four running for 15 minutes around the forest with 25 kg weight-filled bags. Generously, the Officer Cadet allowed the lads to catch their breath half way through with three sets of press-ups and situps. Jovial chants were soon replaced with messages of love and thanks for Impact to pass on to their mothers.

physical stress. Angus became reacquainted with his lunch – an unsightly episode damming both Nottingham Hospitality’s toad in the hole and the punishing nature of the task. The gents crossed the finishing line together as a team, perhaps forgetting that this was a competition. The recruits were now left in no doubt they would be pushed harder mentally than Michelle McManus being forced at gun-point to politely turn down double cheese at Subway. Adam: 4/5 Tom: 4/5

Outcome: All the contenders showed courage in the face of overwhelming

Rob: 4/5 Angus: 4/5

Challenge 2 - shelter Aim: Surviving the elements. Exposure to cold causes 30,000 deaths a year in the UK, and if the lads were to last even a night in the harsh East–Midlandish forest they needed to stay dry. Impact provided a shelter-sheet and some cord while our expert explained that the priorities were protection from the wind and rain; a bucket of pond-water served as the torrential-rain test.

Outcome: Angus, used to having to survive the long walk back to the farm from the village pub, constructed a nearperfect shelter, as did Tom who used his architecture experience to build a midsized hotel. Although under the rain-test he appeared as confident as Peter Crouch at an umpa-lumpa audition. Townie Adam tried and failed to convince Impact that he had only built half a shelter because

the tree canopy provided the all-natural approach and that he was “so manly I don’t need shelter”. Rob was in a similar position claiming that “my shelter is so good it is almost non-existent”. Unfortunately, it was closer to non-existent. Adam 5/10 Tom 7/10

Rob 4/10 Angus 9/10

Challenge 3 - FIRE Aim: To make an Americano.

“This is where the

magic happen s”

In Greek Mythology, Prometheus gave fire to mortals; clearly that wasn’t in a soaking wet forest. Provided with a flint and striker, the task was to produce boiling water and with some coffee granules provide our intrepid Impact photographer Emi with a caffeine injection. Outcome: Rob and Angus failed to light anything despite constructing an insulating base and shelter from the wind. The pyromaniac duo Adam and Tom, however, took the decision to lose points in exchange for matches, firelighters and paper which 16

proved more successful. “With that much kit you could build a fire underwater” thundered our saliva-happy army man. Yet he awarded them bonus points for building a raging inferno and for producing a cup of fairertrade coffee than Hallward Starbucks could ever manage. With fire created, two of our competitors had symbolically separated themselves from every other species on earth. Seemingly because the bonding prompted a flashback to the Gulf War, OCDT Gillum stamped out the fire, mumbling only, “you weren’t there man”. Adam 7.5/10 Tom 7.5/10

Rob 6/10 Angus 6/10

Challenge 4 - FIsh and chips Aim: To fillet and cook fresh fish.

the fish of all bones at the expense of most of it. Gillum fumed that in survival utilising everything is important. Adam and Rob, meanwhile, were clearly more used to Burger King and protein-shakes and simply slapped most of their fish straight onto the BBQ. Surprisingly, it melted beautifully in our mouths. They would have received maximum points, if it wasn’t for the fact that we excavated more bones in one bite than Time Team do in a year.

In teams, our more-manly-than-ever contestants had to fillet and prepare the catch of the day. A little suspicious of how exactly OCDT Gillum caught the fish, Impact joked that we thought it was all a ‘red-herring’... he didn’t speak to us again for an hour. Outcome: “Worthy of a Michelin Star” Angus and IT specialist Tom opted for culinary excellence, successfully filleting

Adam prep ared himse lf for a care fast food er in

Adam 7.5/10 Rob 7.5/10 Tom 6/10 Angus 6/10

Challenge 5 - the plunge Aim: To survive in freezing water. After a tough day and night in the field Impact offered the shattered contestants a muscle-relaxing ice bath. Freezing water robs the body of heat 32 times quicker than cold air and massively disorientates.

“Angus grabbin g the pe lustfully nis med with bo allion th hand s and ki somew hat sou ssing it red the victory”

and the winner... In the comfort of Mooch we crowned our winner, the country boy, no the country MAN Angus! Putting a chunder, ice water phobia and stint of foot and mouth behind him he rightly deserved the Penis Medallion. Our geek Tom showed that brains and an unhealthy penchant for Pythagoras were better than brawn, by building an impressive shelter and mastering fire. Meanwhile, city-boy Adam, with previous arson experience, managed to build a fire, but without a pot noodle wasn’t quite sure what to do with hot water. Finally, sportsman Rob could probably hunt-down a gazelle, but built a tent that had all the stability of Britney Spears’ mental state. OCDT Gillum concluded that as soon as their secret Haribo stash ran out they would be in trouble, stating “I’d give them 18 hours at best”. Despite the criticism OCDT Gillum said he’d think about taking them to war “as long as there was no cooking involved or physical activity and a Palatial tent erected nearby.” Adam 31 Tom 32.5

Rob 31 Angus 34

Outcome: Angus set the standard by remaining in the ice bath for the three minute limit (impressive considering his fear of cold water since falling through ice on his gap-year), but the lads realised that surrender wasn’t an option. Adam’s screaming like a small-child lost him points, but he soon resorted to inventive tactics

- “give me a fucking song!”; relying on anything to keep his mind warm. He was clearly used to the Ocean environment and attempted to shark Impact’s photographer – “I’m looking hot” he told her. Tom bravely mustered the energy to remain under; “my penis is about this big” he complained while showing us his little finger. Impact was impressed at his honesty. Sportsman Rob ‘the Pink Panter’ Edwards, presumably used to post-match communal baths appeared proud in his infamous pink y-fronts, leapt into the icy bath and took it like a machine. Adam 7/10 Tom 8/10

Rob 9/10 Angus 9/10

what we learnt Whilst putting the Men’s Issue together Impact struggled to grasp exactly what it is to be a man. The physical challenge illustrated determination and the strength of character of men to push past obstacles despite the easy opt-out. The shelter challenge symbolised the desire to build a home whilst providing safety and security. The fire and fish challenges demonstrated a natural aspiration to provide both comfort and food – the

ability to survive independently. The ice challenge showed the lads’ selfpride and competitiveness. Personal qualities of ingenuity, independence and courage – that is what makes a man. The Real Man Points challenge perhaps illustrates that all blokes, no matter what their background or weakness, when tested to their limits, have the potential to display all these masculine qualities in abundance.

POST INTERVIEWS Sum up your experience in 3 words: Angus: Manly, virile, cold Adam: Never go outside. What challenge did you least enjoy? Rob: Fire building. Very frustrating. Adam: Running... he shouted at us but he didn’t have to carry a frickin bag! Was that harder than man points? Rob: It’s pretty different. I was sober for starters. 17

Adam: Man points are more about having less dignity, whereas this was about brawn. Do you feel more of a man? Tom: Emboldened I‘d say. Adam: I think we need to get every man on campus to do this...less of the Ocean and more of the manliness...ness.

Muscle Bound Are men risking their actual health for the appearance of health? Eating disorders and worries over body image are becoming increasingly common amongst men. What were once thought of as female concerns are now encroaching on the male domain, bringing with them the subsequent threat of mental illness. This new found problem is compounded by the male tendency to shy away from discussing such issues.

“University life can place men in a particularly vulnerable mental position, making them dangerously susceptible to body image issues.” Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), only officially recognised in 1987, is one of the most crippling and hard to treat mental disorders amongst men. As a disorder it centres on distorted body image, with BDD sufferers believing themselves to be unattractive, out of shape and inherently flawed. Despite the fact that there may be no noticeable disfigurement or defect, men with BDD are overly critical of their physique and general appearance. Ironically, BDD is often taken to be a vanity-driven fixation whereas in reality sufferers of BDD believe themselves to be both ugly and defective. Amongst sufferers of this disorder the suicide rate is tragically high.

The figures stand at more than double those of clinical depression and more than three times as high as bipolar disorder. Surprisingly, unlike many mental illnesses, BDD has been found to be suffered by equal numbers of men and women. However, one aspect of the disorder has been found to be suffered almost exclusively by men. Known as Muscle Dysmorphia, this aspect of the disorder encompasses compulsive exercising, painstaking attention to diet and reliance on dietary, supplements. Once sufferers become fixated with the ‘body muscular’, natural techniques for gaining muscle simply aren’t enough, and the temptation to get results fast can lead to the illicit use of anabolic steroids. It has been estimated that one million under 21s take some form of steroid, leading to potentially disastrous impacts on mental and physical health. The negative side-effects of steroids have been wellpublicised and include hair loss, acne, breast formation, testicle shrinkage and severe mood swings. In the interest of finding out more about Muscle Dysmorphia, we headed down to Raw, the testosterone fuelled hideout of muscle-bound men. Lurking in the midst of huge guns and well-defined pectorals, we found a series of willing hulks to answer our probing questions. All the guys were students at Nottingham and came to Raw at least four times a week. Without fail, they all used protein supplements, some up to 350 grams a week in protein shakes alone. The majority of them spent more time doing free weights than cardio exercises, some favouring weights exclusively. All of our subjects were relatively happy with their bodies and stated reasons other than appearance for coming to the gym. It is interesting to note however, the

professional opinion of Steven Papp, an amateur boxing trainer and ex-professional boxer. As a trainer, he was adamant that his concerns lie with fitness and competitive strength, not with appearance, “There’s a massive difference between aesthetics and fitness. Aesthetics should be the by-product, not the emphasis.” He questioned the motives of many of the young men working out at Raw, telling us that in the last thirty to forty years weight training has taken over and is no longer supplementary to training as it was in the 1960s. Papp felt that despite what they had told us, the gym users often used weights in an effort to gain a physique that would be attractive to the opposite sex. But there’s a big difference between guys wanting to look good for the laydees and obsessive exercise to attain a body far larger than they can naturally sustain. University life can place men in a particularly vulnerable mental position, making them dangerously susceptible to body image issues. From the first day of arrival students are forced out of their comfort zone and thrust into a sexually competitive Ocean (quite literally!) of new experiences. Gym memberships and sporting activities battle with stodgy food and excessive alcohol consumption, creating an uneasy dichotomy in the way students view and treat their bodies. This troublesome balancing act is coupled with genetic-neurobiological, evolutionary and psychological factors, all of which can contribute to BDD. Add to this media representations of unattainable figures of male perfection and you have a potent cocktail of self-doubt. In a poll of university-aged men, an overwhelming 80% were not satisfied with their body.

“There’s a massive difference between aesthetics and fitness. Aesthetics should be the by-product, not the emphasis.” Steven Papp, amateur boxing trainer and ex-professional boxer

The media has had a large part to play in this dissatisfaction with male body image, increasingly portraying images of men

The BDD Question Men with BDD perform repetitive behaviours to hide their imagined defect: • • • • •

Mirror-checking Comparing themselves with others Camouflaging Reassurance seeking Excessive grooming

To be diagnosed with BDD a person must posses the following criterion: 1.

Preoccupation with an imagined defect in appearance. If a slight physical anomaly is present, the person’s concern is markedly excessive

The preoccupation causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning The preoccupation is not better accounted for by another mental disorder

Andrew with impossibly beautiful physiques (Daniel Craig emerging from the sea in those tiny blue shorts, drips of water cascading off those washboard abs, and the sun glinting….anyway, we digress). The pressure felt by women for decades is now being felt by men, and the objectification of men’s bodies is on the rise. The increase is most marked in Western publications. This has led to Western men having a much more distorted view of their own bodies than men in the Far East, as was shown in a study in 2005. There is seemingly an East / West divide in terms of body image, with there being almost no evidence of steroid abuse anywhere in the Pacific Rim.

80% Number of university-aged men not satisfied with their body

The influence of the Western media can also be seen to drive the ‘Adonis’ image, something which has been noted by psychologists, who have coined the theory of the Adonis Complex. This theory states that the influx of women into previously "male" positions in the workplace within the last 30 years has led to a "threatened masculinity" syndrome. Men’s traditional source of masculine self-esteem as the breadwinner has gradually been eroded. This supposedly leads men to believe that the only way to achieve manliness is through their bodies. Although Raw-goers were scathing of this theory, perhaps to some extent this motivation is subconscious. Ultimately, with the objectification of men in the media on the rise, the increasing power of women in the workplace, and the pressures imposed by university life, cases of BDD in men are bound to become more prevalent. Maybe it is time for society to recognise that muscularity is not masculinity and that self-esteem cannot reasonably be built on a six pack of abdominal muscles. The University Counselling Service frequently runs maleonly workshops. They can be found in the Trent Building, A Floor, Room A75, telephone number 01159 513695. The workshop is called ‘Mind Your Head’. With thanks to the very helpful team at Raw Physique - 01159508213.

By Laura Bruin and Steph Morgan

Men with BDD are most commonly preoccupied with: • • • •

Skin (e.g. acne, scarring) Hair (thinning) Nose (size or shape) Genitals

Gibson

Impact’s columnist Andrew Gibson considers proposed changes to incitement laws and finds it all quite silly.

An amendment to the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill, which would criminalise incitement to hatred on the grounds of sexuality, has passed through the House of Commons and is being jostled through the Lords. Prima facie it is a serious affront to the freedom of expression. However, when one considers the amendment in all its convoluted inanity, it becomes obvious this law is just a cynical appeal to the pink vote.

“

It is a perversion of jurisprudence when the law goes beyond protecting people, to controlling opinion

”

Aside from the ideological objections to censorship, this law is a waste of time because it is extremely difficult to interpret; thus difficult to use in a fair or consistent manner. Take Howard Brenton’s theatrical masterpiece ‘The Romans in Britain’, which is famed for a scene in which three Roman soldiers sexually assault a captive, male Druid. If one took a gang of skinheads to a performance of the play, it could indeed stir up hatred amongst those skinheads (on grounds of sexuality, as well as race). Government lawyers try to sidestep this problem by including a provision that intention must be proven. How does one definitively prove the exact intention of a dramatist, whose work is subject to this law? Perhaps a biblical example would be more appropriate; did the destruction of Sodom (Genesis 19: 23-28) really happen? If not, has this part of The Bible ever incited hatred against homosexuals and if so, what was the intention of the writers? Unfortunately, all laws have to be considered in terms of the Human Rights’ Act, which protects 18

the freedom of religion, so The Bible is safe for now. However, a queer paradox of this amendment is its potential to incite hatred against the religious, which is of course illegal, by drawing attention to the abhorrent nature of certain religious beliefs. The most important problem is that this law would have little effect on the bigots it is supposedly aimed at. Intention is difficult to prove and there is ambiguity as to whether something is incitement to hatred or is merely an insulting or abusive expression, both of which would be legal. It would not stop hatred or threatening sentiment, it would just create very specific ways in which one was not supposed to express such sentiment. Also, it is already a crime to incite violence and the sentences are tougher if the motive is to do with sexual orientation, race or religion. It is a perversion of jurisprudence when the law goes beyond protecting people, to controlling opinion.

“

This law is a gimmick, designed not to work

”

However, we need not worry too much about a crackdown on thought. This law is a gimmick, designed not to work. It is just one of many releases to scratch the multiple bellies of the voters before the next election. If the government are serious about this sort of thing, why not also legislate against incitement to hatred of the elderly or the disabled? Why not legislate against incitement to hatred generally? Bigots would be without their literature, the press would not castigate politicians and we could all live as one big, zany family.

T o Bo y s ys f o r

Four men... Four toys... ...Under female supervision With Carlsberg letting us down on the draughtmaster, and sextoyrus.com not returning our calls, our intrepid gadget testers were going to have to keep this one clean. Thankfully, the aficionado of all things gimmick, The Gadget Shop.com, donated four toys to our cause. It’s a painful transition into adulthood for men across the world, but there’s no better time for childish mischief than at Uni, far away from your parents’ pristine living room. So, to defy the inevitable ageing process that little bit longer, Impact’s four (very masculine) guinea pigs, Dan, Dave, Stu and Phil have tried and tested four of the most ‘manly’ gadgets on the market. To ensure that chaos did not ensue, Jessica Elgot supervised. Dan: [strolling into the Impact Office] I’ve been looking forward to this all week Dave: You’re going to be severely disappointed…

The Power Tour Electric Guitar gadgetshop.com £14.99

What they say it does...

What we say it does...

“Never before has it been easier to strum a power chord. And not just any power chord. Whether you’re a rock legend in the making, or musically incompetent, the Power Tour Guitar is capable of creating an incredible sound. Styled to look like the Gibson SG electric guitar, this portable instrument features a built-in speaker and dual-function knobs that let you add cool effects to your sound and enable tone selection that suits your playing style - including metal, punk, rock and indie. The guitar incorporates a specially designed strum sensor which means there are no strings and no plectrum needed to play. Simply strum your fingers across the bridge and sensors will pick up the speed and direction of the motion; the guitar responding by emitting an immense power chord. Connect the guitar to your MP3 player (not included) and strum along to your favourite tunes, or rock out a solo and compose your own monster anthem! You’ve never rocked this hard, this easy!”

Dave: “It’s fucked…unless you’re meant to plug it in? No batteries included loses it points.” Jess: “It looks really complicated, why wouldn’t you just learn the real guitar?” Dan: “It IS more complicated than a real guitar. And I play the guitar.” Stu: “It’s like Fisher Price Rock School.” Dan: “It booed me.” Stu: ‘”You can’t have your own toy slag you off.” Dave: “It’s cheaper than those fucking blocks though.” Stu: “Good value drunken entertainment, and the bloke on the video definitely scores it some points for hilarity.”

Words Jessica Elgot, David Betz-Heinemann, Daniel Brenikov, Philip Morton, Stewart Bailey Photos Philip Morton, James Sanderson

7/10

Massive special thanks to www.gadgetshop.com for providin the toys!

Cube World Series 4 (Two per pack)

Flying Alarm Clock gadgetshop.com £19.99

gadgetshop.com £19.99

What they say it does... “Picture the scene. It’s 0545 but rousing you from your slumber is no easy task. But with the flying alarm clock at your side, there’s no risk of spending even a nanosecond longer in your bed than intended. Not unless you wish the very hounds of hell to descend upon your room. Allow us to explain. On activation, the alarm clock device launches a whirling projectile into the air, a propeller-driven ‘key’ that briefly hovers before settling somewhere in your boudoir. Your challenge is to retrieve said key and dock it back on its base station before it goes off with the sound of the master alarm in a submarine that’s just come under attack. Leave it a second too late and you, your partner, chums and neighbours will know all about your laggardliness. In so doing, of course, you’re out of bed, searching the floor on your hands and knees in the dark, and perhaps even resorting to putting the light on. And ta-da! You’re awake, and cursing bitterly under your breath. Suddenly a hot shower and a decent cuppa seems like a good idea.” What we say it does... [Dave presses the button on the Alarm clock. It hovers for a couple of milliseconds and falls on the floor. The boys look on with disgust and toss it to the floor] Phil: “That’s the best review it could hope for” Dave: “At least it works, y’know, as a clock.”

1/10

What they say it does... “Some advice: If you are experiencing problems with your human friends, politely tell them that you are replacing them with digital companions. Explain that it has been nice knowing them and that you wish them well. Then request some digital companions from Cube World. We suggest Slugger, Kicks, Slam and Grinder. Each Cube Man has his own personality - a lot like the friends you disposed of earlier. Slugger is a baseball fanatic. Kicks is always playing keepy-up with a ball in his cube. Slam is the Michael Jordan of the Cube World characters and enjoys nothing more than shooting hoops with another companion. And Grinder is an extreme sports nut, who will attempt all manner of stunts. Apart from never arguing with you and never borrowing your things, your new digital cube cohorts will entertain you for hours. They are 100 percent interactive, which means if you place one Cube World companion next to another, they visit one another, play games together, and generally get along - which should make a nice alternative from real friends.” What we say it does... Stu: “These are a little bit 20th century, a bit Tamogotchi.” Dave: “These cubes definitely don’t get on. And twenty quid? What a waste of money.” Stu: “They look like they’re stabbing each other. This must be the GBH version.” Dave: “The idea is you just watch them in their little cubes until they do something hilarious to each other.” Phil: “The build quality is a bit shit, it rattles quite a lot.” Dave: “Either they’re really awesome and we can’t work them or…” Stu: “To be fair they did provide about four minutes entertainment… and they came with batteries.” Dan: “Oh, and Series 4? What were Series 1-3 like?” [Despite their protests, the boys spent a good half an hour with the cubes, and keep going back to check on how the little people are doing].

3/10

paintball Magnum Duelling Pack gadgetshop.com £14.99

What we say it does...

Dave: [reading off the packaging] “…’the ultimate big boy’s toy’ oh and like every good toy, it comes with safety goggles.” Dan: “How much are refills? That’s what I want to know.” Stu: “I severely hope this paint is washable…” “If you are successfully nominated Dave: “Yeah I’ve got to go to the library covered in paint now.” for your local paintball team, the first thing you need to do is equip yourself Dan: “Be careful, remember what happened to PJ in Byker Grove.” with The Patriot Magnum PR1200. [The boys ignore Jessica’s pleas to move But do take care when handling this outside and continue to hit the chairs, the equipment. The Patriot Magnum walls, the editors and each other with the PR1200 is small, but powerful. It paintballs, destroying everything in their can easily be used to practise your path]. shooting skills in your back garden. It uses easy-clean, bio-degradable water Dave: “This is immense fun actually.” Phil: “Yeah, if the chaplains steal the soluble paintballs and comes with a Impact mugs again…” re-useable wipe-clean target to aid in your training. Doesn’t require batteries Dan: “Who wants to see the effect on human skin? [No response] Ahhh, ok, I’ll or CO2 - simply pull back the loading take one for the team…” [Reveals pigeon lever, push back into position and chest]. you’re ready. For ages 18+.” Stu: “Definitely the best one, but it didn’t make you bleed, then it would have been 10/10.” What they say it does...

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male feminist: an oxymoron? After being shocked at how few male folk outside Hallward were willing to wear a white ribbon in condemnation of male violence against women, Impact’s Sophie Pearce wondered, “Where are all the male feminists?” The White Ribbon campaign was set up in 1991 by a handful of men in Canada who decided they had a responsibility to urge men to speak out against male violence. The UK branch of WRC opened in 2004 and since then men have been encouraged to talk in schools, workplaces and places of worship about the problem of violence, which makes 1 in 4 women in the UK victims of domestic abuse in their lifetimes. “Wearing a white ribbon is a personal pledge never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women,” the WRC website states; an easy vow to endorse you would think. So, when the campaign came to University Park last year and found few takers, you can understand why some people were surprised. In snubbing the White Ribbon campaign, were the male students of Nottingham condoning male violence? Or was their rejection part of a more latent fear of being associated with a feminist cause? Is male-feminism really such an oxymoron?

Craig Cox, President of NUCA

“I think feminism paints a pretty dour picture for men”

Craig Cox, President of Nottingham University’s Conservative Association, offered his thoughts. He, like many men, is unconvinced by feminism. Although he finds violence against women completely

“abhorrent,” he was keen to stress that this did not make him a feminist but a traditional gentleman; “I don’t think this is a feminist issue, I think it’s a very worthy campaign based on common sense.” Without wishing to point out that feminism and common sense could be mutually inclusive, I asked him about his scepticism towards the f-word. “I think in Britain today, women are more or less equal to men and so the case for feminism is waning.” He also feared that vengeful women might ‘bite off more than they can chew’ and make men second-class citizens, as women were.

Ralph Sandland, Senior Lecturer in the School of Law

“Patriarchy restricts men as much as it does women”

Senior Lecturer in the School of Law and feminist legal theorist, Ralph Sandland, finds these negative sentiments towards feminism perturbing. “What worries me,” he said, “is that since feminism has been so successful in the developed world – despite remaining inequalities – young people, especially privileged young people who go to universities, do not see the need for feminism because they haven’t experienced inequality. When I started teaching family law about 16 years ago we were a long way from gay and transsexual rights and husbands could still rape their wives and yet students coming to it this year just don’t even get that. They see feminism as redundant. But you’ve only got to look on a global scale to see very systematic, very basic oppression – it’s not just glass ceilings, the type of things you’d worry about as a welleducated Western woman – it’s about getting killed, it’s about really basic abuses. Of course there’s a need for feminism, it’s just obvious to me.” Moreover, not only does he perceive this need for women but for men too. “Patriarchy,” he said, “is bad for men because it restricts men as much as it restricts women.” Firstly, it establishes hierarchies amongst men just as it does between men and women and this shows up in things like war, where powerful men choose to manipulate and sacrifice the less powerful – “It’s happening now in Iraq; George

Bush is not going to get shot.” Secondly, “If patriarchy says that to be a man you have to be machismo and testosterone on legs, and if expressing masculinity means closing off potential experiences because they don’t fit with your idea of what a man is, then men lose out in concrete ways. It’s a cliché is to ‘get in touch with your feminine side’ but I think that means to be open to a worldview where things don’t come already neatly packaged as ‘male behaviour’ and ‘female behaviour’. The French philosopher Foucault thinks our lives are about creating ourselves as works of art. It’s a bit airy-fairy but the idea that you can mould yourself without latching onto stereotypes is an idea given tangible form by feminism, for men as well as for women.”

Alex Hoban, 3rd Year English Student

“There is nothing in my DNA which says I want to play football”

For Alex Hoban, third year English student, feminism (combined with deconstruction) does just that – it challenges the underlying assumptions of gender. “You may think why I would want to do that – I’m a white, straight, middle class male – but I think it’s beneficial for both sides to acknowledge the fluidity of masculinity and femininity because they are not innate categories. We are born with penises or vaginas but there is nothing in my DNA that says ‘I want to go and play football this weekend’ just as there is nothing in your DNA which says ‘you want to cook me a roast this Sunday’. I think we need to be educated in gender critique because for every woman who feels held under by her duties in the home, there is a man who does not empathise with traditional symbols of masculinity. Awareness of this leads us out from repression and alienation to a more balanced and empowered way of being. I think if I wasn’t in the liberal environment of university and had to live as macho man, I’d be a very miserable individual. In our society, we are obsessed with defining ourselves in terms of a binary other, but once a man can call himself a feminist he becomes part of that other – the ultimate reconciliation.”

The sentiment that men can be happier and more fulfilled human beings by unlearning oldfashioned masculinity is held in the mission statement of the American social justice movement, National Organisation of Men Against Sexism (NOMAS). They claim that by overcoming competitiveness, homophobia and inexpressiveness, men can experience deeper levels of intimacy, trust and support in their friendships with other men. Instead of building entire identities around being a ‘Provider’ or ‘Breadwinner’, men can develop other sources of self-esteem such as the quality of their relationship with their children. They recognise that there are many positive ‘male’ attributes but that procuring substantive equality in society is the finest expression of what it means ‘to be a man’. These are not, apparently, sentiments shared by Craig Cox who valorises traditional roles. He said: “I believe women should have equal rights but different roles. I also believe a strong family has a woman at home who brings up the children – mothers have maternal instincts in that way. A ‘housewife’ is a very valuable role in society. Equally, if a man wants to be the breadwinner then he can be. Whether you are aggressive or competitive or not is down to your personality but personally I believe the more aggressive and competitive you are, the more bread you will be able to win.”

Ed Keene, Proponent of Men’s Campaign

“Rhetoric geared towards ‘men’ or ‘women’ is counterproductive and divisive”

Ed Keene, Hugh-Stewart resident who tried to set up an SU Men’s officer last year, is also a proponent of different roles based on meritocracy and the Christian idea of using your talents; “And If men fall into certain roles and women into others then that’s fine.” He is, however, sympathetic to the NOMAS mission. Some of the issues he pulled up when trying to set up a Men’s Officer (as a representational counter-balance to Women’s Officer) were higher suicide rates in young men and what he called “the objectification of men as success objects.” Though ultimately he finds sectional

movements such as feminism counterproductive and divisive, “I’d much rather see society coming together as one, rather than specifically as men or women alone, to fight for collective goods.” Perhaps it is on this note we might consider a more inclusive movement or at least a more inclusive term than ‘feminism.’ Ralph Sandland agrees, “Rather than ghettoise men or women, it would be better to bring out their commonalities with a broader campaign. Like Queer theory, it should try to find a level beyond feminism where gender and sexuality are put critically into question.”

STATS: Enacting masculinity?

21%

of all health and social workers (including nurses) are men

of childcare workers

are men

96%

of dads are in full-time employment compared with 42% of mums

94% of British Prison population is male

79%

of all violent incidents are perpetrated by men All stats from ONS 2005 and BCS 2006/7

male nurse: Ian Braithwaite, SU Inter-site and Residential Associations Officer and final year adult nurse, in his own words. There is a stereotype for male nurses that you are either gay or lazy, but it is a high-pressured job with long hours and crap pay. I think it’s one of few altruistic professions left. It might be against the ‘breadwinner’ ideal but as a career there is still scope to move upwards. I have never, never wanted to be a doctor – you just don’t get to talk to people. I love my job and would beg to differ that caring is just a feminine disposition; caring is the part of my job I enjoy most. I’ve wanted to do it since I was little but I think it’s a hard profession to break into as a man – it took me three attempts to get in. It’s quite hard to justify to the interviewer why you want to do it as a bloke. That is not to say all men could do it; I think you have to be a good talker, good at communicating, but plenty of guys are very articulate. People are initially surprised at my job and

“I have never, never wanted to be a doctor” I always get stick when I walk into Portland in uniform – “Ooh, fancy dress Ian.” I think the male paediatric nurses find it tougher; particularly from dads looking as if to say, “Why do you want to look after my kid?” It’s not about your sex but your individual personality – the same is true of the girls who go into it. I find it weird that guys might unconsciously rule out an ‘un-masculine’ profession but I suppose some guys do limit themselves. Men need to change their attitudes towards healthcare; I don’t think men are as comfortable asking for help or going to the doctor for tests. These skewed male perceptions of healthcare are literally killing men – one man an hour dies from prostate cancer. I think men need to get rid of their invincibility complex and accept that things can go wrong.

CAGE FRIGHT Peter “One Punch” Tubman Laurence “Fruit Punch” Kane

the ultimate tournament

Richard “The Milkman” Byan-Cook

m ingha t t o N a aren

can they tak e the pain?

Tom “Mad Dog” McKernan

William “Don’t Touch The Face” Needham

Tom “The Barrel” Main

Andrew “Ooh It’s Not Easy” Kaufman

723 )$&76

With greatest thanks to the Bushido MMA Academy, Ashley Street, Nottingham, for their patience and good humour! For more information, see www.bushido-mma.co.uk

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WORDS: Peter â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;One Punchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Tubman (175 lbs, 0 KO, nearly died)

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Do any of you have lung conditions such as asthma..?â&#x20AC;? Tom â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Mad Dogâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; McKernan puts his hand up. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And is anyone here a smoker?â&#x20AC;? Again, Tomâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the only one. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And does anyone here do less than an hourâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s worth of exercise each week?â&#x20AC;? Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll save him the blushes by not mentioning his name. Any jokes about spandexclad beefcakes running around a ring not really smashing chairs into each other and throwing unconvincing fake punches dried up even before we entered the gym. We had been warned in no uncertain terms beforehand that turning up in silly luchador outfits would not be tolerated, and that no punches would be spared, but nothing could have prepared us for the arena of pain and suffering into which we were about to step. Cage fighting, or â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Mixed Martial Artsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; to give it its sanitised, health-andsafety-conscious moniker is currently the fastest growing sport in the world with more than 300 million fans. Its brutal combination of martial arts, wrestling and downright simple pub brawling makes it one of the most visceral and exhilarating sporting experiences you can get. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also not just for boys â&#x20AC;&#x201C; female cage fighter Dominique could most definitely have me for breakfast. Our friendly instructor (190 lbs, 47 KOs, 3 deaths) greeted us with a lionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s grin and a pair of sweaty, bloodred boxing gloves each. He suggested we pair up among ourselves, but that left an odd one out, with the fittest of our motley crew, Richard â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Milkmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Byam-Cook

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(176 lbs, 1 KO, 0 deaths), having to spar with one of the regulars. To say that first twenty minutes was the hardest of my life would be true, until later that evening. We started off quite strong, not wanting to betray our chronic lack of fitness too soon, and covering up our ineptitude with hard but wayward punches. The crucial element is being able to conserve your energy by dodging blows nimbly, whilst landing punches accurately and consistently. We failed on every count. Laurence â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Fruit Punchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Kane (181 lbs, 7 KOs, 1 deadly odour) was putting all that iron pumping to good use against the lighter but no-less-stacked William â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Touch the Faceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Needham (147 lbs, 4 KOs, 0 deaths), who withstood an early barrage of punches to come out the other side with some powerful hooks himself. Across the mats you could see Tom â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Barrelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Main slogging out in a battle of mythological proportions with Andrew â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Ooh Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Not Easyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Kaufman, who was later to suffer a cruel muscle strain just as he was going in for the kill. Maybe next time, big man. The Barrel (500 lbs, 20 KOs, 23 deaths) had clearly been at the protein shakes beforehand and it showed;

his t-shirt rippling with untoned flab. Next up came the throws and holds. There are lots of theories about centering your core body gravity and weight distribution, but at the end of the day, you do all you can to get your opponent on the floor. Looking around, all you could see was entangled pairs struggling to get that all important grab to take control of their opponent; one slight movement can mean the difference between a glorious victory and a rather nasty choke-hold. The sport, mistakenly portrayed as simply barbaric gladiatorial bouts in the media, is anything but. As I was having the breath squeezed out of me by â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Barrelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, it suddenly dawned on me that these skills can be put to good use. Self defence, for example. One move involved learning how to turn an attacker over and getting them in said chokehold. For a few days after, we found ourselves telling girls how to do this, not only because we were showing off, but also because they were interested in dealing with unwanted attention. More generally, it gives you a sense of empowerment â&#x20AC;&#x201C; something you couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t very easily say about your average inter-mural hockey exertions.

Laurence: jokeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on Will, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s now pregnant...

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People think that because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in a cage itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s barbaric but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just another form of ring; some people do get dislocated fingers on the wire, but apart from that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s safer. I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t say I feel safer on the streets - obviously it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help if theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got a gun or a knife, but I can bloody run faster. It does make you more of a confident person; you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t walk around, shoulders hunched without eyecontact. The worst injury Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had was when I ripped all the tendons in my ankle, but the worst Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve ever seen was when someone popped their kneecap out â&#x20AC;&#x201C; that was pretty horrific, just because it was so painful for the guy. He was screaming, and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not nice to see a grown man screaming.

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A lot of people when they hear cage fighting think thugs stamping on each othersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; heads, knocking each other down and bloody noses. But weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re trying to be regarded as professional athletes and with the growth of the MMA organisation in the USA itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s getting a lot of publicity; just last year a Mixed Martial Artist made it on to the front cover of Sports Illustrated, so weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re getting there. Fights are done in 5-minute rounds, boxers do 3-minutes, but weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not taking an accumulation of shots to the head. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s three ways to win, by submission, by referee stoppage or by points. You get scored for taking someone down, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the wrestling part, and you get scored for submission attempts. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot easier to trip someone out than it is to punch someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s head in. Interviews by Andrew Kaufman

GENDER JIBES In today’s ever-fluctuating world it’s hard to know where you stand in relation to social norms, societal expectancies and codes of conduct. What might be the social zeitgeist one moment is rapidly the target of disdain the next. There is one thing, however, which seems to have resisted this one-up-man ship of social paradigms with a frankly robust demeanor: man bashing.

“For a man to disregard the common gentlemanly expectations would result in his demotion from a man to a lesser being” One need only awake at an unreasonable midday hour to witness the centerpiece of modern man bashing; four or so women cackling through anecdotes of the men in their lives, the troubles they’ve brought, and the simplicity of their nature. If you haven’t been fortunate enough to witness this spectacle of sexism, I’ll enlighten you; it goes by the rather dubious name of Loose Women. Those who’ve had the great misfortune of tuning in to ITV and sitting though Loose Women at midday will be immediately familiar with the man bashing of which I speak. An onslaught against the male, misrepresentation of masculinity, or at worst, crass stereotyping met with guilt-free guffaws from a distinctly feminine yet boorish audience. Frequent and predictable sexual innuendos are made throughout most shows, sometimes on the arrival of a half-dressed male, something that, if it occurred in reverse would give Germaine Greer enough material for several more novels. It’s not that I am sensitive or easily offended (and to regretfully reiterate that tried, tested and tired phrase) it’s a classic case of if the shoe were on the other foot. It seems that somewhere in

the post-feminist equality-driven world in which we live it became acceptable to publicly insult maleness and its’ apparent vices. It’s not that I wish to suggest that us men are undue a bit of criticism or are God’s finest creations, it’s just that, publicly, it seems to be a one way street. If I were to unashamedly announce my disdain for general female conduct or to represent females in stereotypical, archaic terms, I’d be rightly branded a sexist, chauvinist pig. If a female were to do the reverse, she’d be a dead cert for a guest appearance on ITV’s lunchtime repertoire.

point, if it were not the case that every time negative aspects of femininity are highlighted, moral outrage runs rampant. If it is the case that womanly attributes are not to be publicly mocked it should also be the case that us men are not subject to mocking without so much as a grumble. With the cessation of woman bashing, the long overdue end of man bashing should surely follow. Alternatively, women can have their disdain of stereotypical maleness if us men are also permitted to publicly retaliate without being hung, drawn and quartered.

It is not only this standard of manbashing which I object to but the fact that some more women-friendly gender biases remain firmly in place. Amongst the most discerning of today’s men a pressure is still felt to uphold the old fashioned values of chivalry, ranging from carrying shopping bags to footing the bill for romantic meals. It seems that although women are keen to voice their strong defiance of traditional feminine expectations, for a man to disregard the common gentlemanly expectations would result in his demotion from a man to a lesser being.

We may be rightfully dubbed the messier, brasher and altogether more whimsical sex, but these things are nothing to be apologetic over or mocked for. Perhaps

It has too often been the case that I have smiled nervously as a female acquaintance explicitly exerts her disdain for the weakness of man, half shocked by the audacity and unfairness of the situation. Most modern men would like to think themselves intellectually and socially evolved from crass and ironically patronising stereotypes, and would subsequently like to think that most women have moved on from the reactionary attitudes of a bygone age. Of course, there may be those who claim that this is simply a reflection of the modern woman’s true opinion of the opposite sex. This would be a fair 26

“It’s not that I wish to suggest that us men are undue a bit of criticism or are God’s finest creations, it’s just that, publicly, it seems to be a one way street” ‘man bashing’ is destined to become commonplace among the myriad of politically-pardoned anomalies, or perhaps my opinion on the matter will become so persuasive that an end to this covert gender warfare will be realised and a reconciliatory love-in will commence. Regardless of what happens it will always be the case that it takes two to tango, an eye for an eye makes the whole word blind, two wrongs don’t make a right, love makes the world go round; and nothing beats a good old fashioned cliché.

Luke Sampson

Chronicles of a Male Fashion Victim Ah, hark back to the good old days when men were men and moustaches were heterosexual. Alas, this reality has been left crippled in the wake of the Nivea for Men revolution. Over time the grizzled edges of the male persona have witnessed a gentle feminisation with traditionally sex specific tendencies no longer being such a pansy indulgence. The beautified male is now accepted, albeit in quite a hush hush ‘we all do it’ but don’t mention it kind of way.

“The male gender identity has exploded into a rainbow of sexual ambiguity” Perhaps the gruff manly man is not such a distant memory for every proud penis bearing member of society. But across the board, at varying degrees of vanity, the male gender identity has exploded into a rainbow of sexual ambiguity. According to the modern phenomenon of metrosexuality, the masculine patriarch has progressively come to embrace the feminine side of life. Thus, in a Dawn of the Dead style mass infestation, the streets are now crawling with a swaggering new breed of male fashion victims. Men do give a toss about their looks. There are those who straighten, those who sizzle upon sun beds and those who funnel their calves into some slinky drainpipes to play Russian roulette with their fertility. So, is this the eternal evolution of the new man or are we simply bearing witness to a fad? Indeed, there are many blokes still ignorant of broken taboos and remain tentatively milling around the pink section. Unfortunately, an interest in fashion is still scorned at as going against

the grain of the masculine tradition of clothing indifference. The retail market has historically neglected the men’s department, simply reeling off uninspired junk that will just do the trick. Chuck an odd pair of plain jeans and a printed tshirt into the mix and hey presto you have the template for every shopping phobic male. Alas, all engines on the design mill have been grinding for its primary consumers: the female market. Women’s attire is a more creative field as style and appearance are embedded in the characteristics of the sex itself. In a society founded upon patriarchal values, the female identity has been eternally wrapped up with the objectification of their bodies and superficial expectations of femininity. In a very basic way, men were seen to be of substance and a preoccupation with shallow appearances was a matter for women to fuss over. Yet, with the shrinking equality gap causing antiquated sexual divisions to slip away, such head strong notions of masculine and feminine traits are waning. The focus of women’s attraction is becoming equally as conceited as male lust. Now that girls are economically standing on their own two feet, they are able to get a much better view of the crowd and will invariably opt for the stud muffin over the financially stable runt. Yep, standards are soaring so it’s time to get preening, lest you slip off the sexual radar. Hence, the male catwalk is starting to busy itself with the cultivation of a more vibrant and innovative flare. As with everything else, the lack of potential for developing a sense of style circles back round to the age old foe of binge shopping: a shortfall in money. Yet 27

modern youth culture is privy to a much deeper pot of dispensable cash than our burly forefathers who devoted the fruits of their labour to support his dependents rather than for personal indulgence. In the age of female executives a man’s life track is now no longer as preordained as male baldness. As equality divests us of our age-old gender identity as the family bread winner, there is a shift towards individualism that has encouraged the ordinary man to make fashion statements usually reserved for glam rock bands. Men are now increasingly liberated to develop an individualised personality beyond the restraints of no nonsense masculinity. Along with an increase in youth capital, the market has expanded to allow the more carefree to dip their feet into adventurous waters.

“Standards are soaring so it s time to get preening, lest you slip off the sexual radar” Rejoice - for this is our sexual awakening against the seasonally regurgitated excuses for clothes, which are spewed out for us in the face of the regularly revamped female trends. We should cast aside the presumed male aversion to shopping and the impression of fruitiness that comes with a sense of style. A new dawn rises upon the masculine identity. So, cast aside your doubts by taking the plunge into uncharted outfit territory and let’s shatter the heritage of men’s uninspired clothing. Alexander Dolphin

impactnottingham.com/travel

Alternative City Breaks: Florence In terms of cities to visit in Italy, Florence always gets pipped to the post by those touristguzzling giants Rome and Venice, and fair enough, they deserve their reputations. But the former Italian capital boasts its own charm. Nestled in the sun-soaked hills of Tuscany, Florence is a mecca of art and culture, shopping, food and stunning architecture. And indeed the armies of tourists do flock. However, steer clear of July and August and the swarms of snap-happy Japanese can be avoided, as can the sweltering summer sun. Florence is small and tightly crammed with tiny cafes, markets, expensive souvenir

shops and gelaterias. The narrow cobbled streets always lead to a sunny piazza, but avoid the Piazza della Signoria or Piazza della Republica if searching for a mid-morning cappuccino. The authentic coffees and pastries can be found for a euro down a dingy street, in the small bars where the grey moustached locals spend their days. Regarded as the birthplace of the Renaissance, Florence is a must for all Art History students and art lovers. Michaelangelo’s ‘David’, Botticelli’s ‘The Birth of Venus’ and Masaccio’s ‘The Holy Trinity’ are but a few of the masterpieces the city hoards in its endless

galleries and exquisitely decorated basilicas. Try and pre-book tickets to the famous Uffizi gallery to avoid the mile long queues. A trip to the top of the Duomo is a must for all those who do not suffer from vertigo. The view over the ancient, terracotta rooftops to the hazy countryside beyond is breathtaking. Florence resembles an oversized film set, and apart from the obnoxious motorbikes, it is easy to imagine what it was like in its sixteenth century heyday. The city has not been spoilt by building development or modernisation and not one skyscraper blots the stunning skyline. Florence has such a rich history and so many artefacts to prove it that there is almost a surplus of things to do and see. But if other attractions do appeal, Rome is less than two hours away by train, as is Milan, and the Tuscan countryside with its villas and vineyards is arguably the most perfect place to spend a holiday. Elena Davidson

Alcohol, Attitude and Adrenaline: Impact’s Guide to skiing safety Now that exams are over everyone’s looking forward to their next holiday – and what better way to spend Easter than skiing? The Impact Travel team have some valuable tips to keep students safe on the slopes. It seems that on holidays abroad, we students can’t leave our binge drinking culture behind. Recent research released by the Foreign and Commonwealth Office has revealed that 1/3 of skiers and snowboarders under 25 get in trouble due to the lethal combination of alcohol, altitude and adrenaline. Whilst you’re away, you may find your usually ‘hardcore’ alcohol tolerance significantly decreased due to the high altitudes of most popular ski resorts. Though you might brag that you were still standing after fifteen pints of Karnicocktail on last week’s Rag-Raid, at unfamiliar

altitudes it may well take significantly less to get you to the point of impersonating Johnny Knoxville and performing ridiculous ‘Jackass’ style stunts in the snow. Of the 36% of people who drunk themselves into trouble, 1/3 of people injured themselves, over 2/3 were fined for causing damage and over 1/2 were asked to leave the 30

resort. Jess Prasad at the FCO warns, “Many people don’t realise the dangers of drinking on the piste. If you injure yourself whilst under the influence of alcohol, it is very likely your insurance policy will be invalid. This could mean high costs – if you break your leg on the Alps, a trip in an air ambulance and treatment could set you back £10,000”. Quite a blow to the typical student budget. Although your main concern might be how quickly you’ll be able to conquer the black run or how cheap the booze will be, try to remember this advice, as well as your woolly hat. Pippa Irvine

Hong Kong I’m not sure what’s more bizarre; the fact that I’m riding an escalator up the steep slopes of a city, or that no one around me is taking the blindest bit of notice. Welcome to Hong Kong then, possibly the quirkiest city I’ve ever been to…

for littering, sanitizers as you leave lifts and sparkling hospitals. For starters, it’s tiny, making visiting 5 beautiful Buddhist temples in a morning easily feasible. Hong Kong is made up of islands, with quick ferries or trains between Kowloon, Lantau and Hong Kong Island.

Truth be told, Hong Kong was originally a stopover on the more eagerly anticipated summer in Thailand. Flights with Oasis were just £205, so we figured it wasn’t that inconvenient to fly 1076 miles out the way. Hey, we were on a budget. It turned out it was well worth it. Not financially, since Hong Kong is near-Western prices for accommodation and entertainment. But for other reasons, not least that it’s about the cleanest place in the world, with fines

Kowloon, a bustling metropolis off mainland China, is probably the only place with a market that only sells goldfish, minutes away from another devoted entirely to birds. For pirate DVDs, designer knock-offs and assorted tat, head to the evening Ladies market, and for a bit of Hollywood fun, pose on the Avenue of Stars with Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan. Tea at the uber-posh Peninsula hotel is recommended by guidebooks, but sadly we were wearing flip flops and barred from entering.

mountainside. Most touristy is Hong Kong Island, which nightly holds the magnificent “symphony of lights”, beaming glorious colour across the skyscrapers, skies and seafront. Other treats include the dazzling view from the Victoria peak and antiques shopping on the Hollywood Road. For nightlife, Lan Kwai Fong is the place, with bars and clubs filled mainly with ex-pats littering the streets. So hop on that escalator!

A world away from there is Lantau. Apart from being home to the only Disney Park in Asia, the island is a placid, scenic idyll with pink dolphins and the world’s largest Buddha statue, 34 metres tall, set high up in the stunning

Jennifer Lipman

Cambodia Cambodia provides a harrowing but moving contrast to the raucous beaches of Thailand, her thriving neighbour. Corruption, genocide and a civil war that ended in 1998 have scarred this beautiful country steeped in heritage. It depends on international aid to survive. The real heart of the country sees humbling villages where residents live by torch and firelight. The scars from recent wars are all too evident as vast numbers of Cambodians are missing limbs and live in fear of being maimed by the landmines which still litter the countryside. A visit to the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum in Phnom Penh is another distressing reminder of what happened here. Yet the country’s rich culture is being allowed to flourish again: arguably the best food in Asia, stunning countryside, a

relatively untouched coastline and its very own world renowned form of ballet -Apsara- are just some of what Cambodia has to offer. Sitting quietly majestic in the North-Western jungle are the ancient iconic ruins of Angkor, a mythical Buddhist and Hindu kingdom. You can easily lose yourself for three days exploring the grandeur of these temples that seem to have literally grown from the trees. Nibbling local palm sugar whilst watching the sun slowly set over the lakes of Angkor is a truly memorable experience. The famous Angkor Wat -Angkor Temple- is Cambodia’s lifeline, representing a part of their history they feel proud of, symbolising the hope that the country can return to the splendour of its past. Sadly modern times see gross corruption: international airlines and government officials prosper while the country’s major motorway is no more than a dirt track 31

dotted with potholes the size of trenches; it is actually an exhilarating and hilarious white knuckle ride and earns an honest taxi or bus driver a day’s wage. Cambodia can at times be draining as the poverty and corruption is so severe, but there is a tireless resilience and optimism about Cambodians, and beneath this country’s recent tragic past lies some of the richest and most unique heritage left. Tom Cripps

Gap Years...Valuable life experience or waste of time? What do you think? Contribute to the debate by emailing impact.travel@gmail.com

A Fabric Landscape

Photography - Richard Round Turner Styling - Mary-Anne Veit and Simone Konu 33

Grass: Polo shirt – £10 – Burton, Jumper – £7 – Burton, Shirt – £7 – Burton Road – Gap trousers – £15 – Oxfam Car – Red t-shirt – £4 – Lime – Green cardigan – £10 – Burton – Blue tie – as before Pylons – Ties – £4 – Oxfam Sun – Orange polo-shirt – £6 – Zara Sheep – Long sleeve top – £3.95 – Zara, Cardiagan – £9.95 – Zara Previous page: Kite – Tie – £5 – Lime, Swimming trunks – £4 – Primark Snail – Scarf – £15 – Burton, Socks – £3 for pack of four – Primark Tablecloth – Shirt – £8 – Primark 34

Water: Scarf – £19 – Zara, Jumper – £6 – Primark, Printed shirt – £12 – Burton Grass – as before Daffodil – left – Jumper – £4 – Primark – right – Swim shorts – £2.50 – Primark, Scarf – £3 – Oxfam Flowers – Pink Tie – £4 – Primark, Black striped Tie – £5 – Lime Birds – Socks – £3 – Primark (pack of 4) Clouds – Long sleeved top – £3.95 – Zara, Cardigan – £9.95 – Zara Chick – beak – Tie - £4 – Oxfam – head – T-shirt – £10 – Lime Eye – Sock – as before Body – Hoody – £5 – Primark

What (Wo)men Want Every female student worth her weight in Manalo’s will accept that campus talent-spotting is a highly feasible procrastination technique on an otherwise dull and rainy morning. But what stylish togs are most worthy of earning our ardent gaze? Current trends range from Russell Brand-inspired waistcoats and skinnies, to the smart, retro appeal of well-cut coats and funky t-shirts, a la Adam Brody of O.C. fame. What look is most popular with the female of the species? The results were sometimes surprising, but always delivered with opinionated gusto. Despite the survey being straightforward

multiple choice, there were countless ‘extra’ opinions, some very specific, “I really like guys in a white shirt with a skinny black tie and a grey cardigan!” Another claimed that she would “say no always to waistcoats and most makeup; the younger they look, the worse it is,” condemning any babyfaced Doherty-wannabes in one fell swoop. One forceful respondent declared, “This survey was a pleasure to complete and it’s about time the male fashion monstrosities of campus were put in their place.” On that note, here are a handful of the results:

Trainers 22%

Converse 34%

Plimsoll 15%

Loafer 15%

Nothing 10%

Man Bag 30%

Berghaus 17%

Canvas Shoulder 26%

Make-Up 11% 78% 11%

Braces 42% 53% 5%

Yes No Sometimes

Waistcoats 47% 53% 0%

The results show that trends for waistcoats, make-up and braces are out in most of our eyes, which comes as a shock considering their current popularity on the high street, and with celebrities. Perhaps one girl summed it up well when she mused “although I liked lots of the items you listed, when I thought about my boyfriend wearing them, I thought they’d look silly! If I saw a guy in a street wearing a trilby and waistcoat I’d think he looked hot but if I was with him I’d be a little embarrassed.” So, while we might like to see Johnny Depp sporting heavy eyeliner playing Captain Jack Sparrow, it isn’t what we want to wake up to the morning after Isis (unless of course it was pirate themed). It isn’t all about the casual look though: Jack Wills’ trackies and Timberlands didn’t overly impress, there was more interest in man bags, smart trousers and short hair. Although 36

Timberland 7%

Tattoos 55% 35% 10%

Cowboy Boot 5%

Other Boot 2%

Satchel 17% Piercings 35% 60% 5%

Skinny Ties 53% 36% 11%

Havianas were a popular choice for summer months, it was strongly stated that these “must not be worn in Jack Wills tandem” and whilst most argued against jewellery on their fellas, those who were open-minded insisted that it be genuine and sentimental rather than cheap tat, and if going down the bling route they should go all out, “I’m talking GRILLZ rather than some cubic zirconia excuse for an earring from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.” The general consensus was that we’re a forgiving old lot; we don’t mind what you wear, as long as it suits you, you’re not too eccentric and there’s consistency in your style. Being a devout fashion victim is never cool, and it’s infinitely more stylish to wear converse and a beanie because you like them, rather than because you think it’s what other people want to see. Annie Savage-Pavitt

Spare Parts OUR WOMAN IN... DAKAR capital of Senegal, on the Salaam alekum from Dakar, the for just over four months here been western tip of Africa. I’ve trips to the sea between classes. now teaching English and taking Ramadan (the majority of of th mon the ng I first arrived duri the hottest time of year; I’ve at the population are Muslim) and red to as the “toubab” (white refer g bein , heat the to just got used status within five minutes ital mar my person) and having to state now and it’s normal gone is of meeting someone. The humidity praying, roasting en wom and men with t to walk down a stree in one big spiral, you for ges oran peanuts or impressively peeling sheep. oh and don’t forget the herds of ng used to was hissing as a The one thing that took some getti mastered it has been very once but, on, icati mode of commun the capital city means that in g useful flagging taxis down. Livin “n’icecream” downstairs net, inter the of ries luxu the I still have incidentally, doesn’t get h, whic – tlife from my flat and the nigh the band didn’t come on ert going until at least 1am; at one conc until 2:30am. ” (hospitality), visiting Of the famous Senegalese “Teranga er of food with all the platt big a ing people’s homes and shar r neve forget spending my 21st family is an absolute must; I will g off a delicious fish barbecue. eatin p grou big a on the beach in and fish, with a few rice of Chebujen is the national dish , but my favourite is maafe, sure mea good for in wn thro s vegetable e are numerous Lebanese ther s lover o Pass a peanuty sauce. For El r kebab withdrawal. unde g shwarma outlets to help those pinin

aga market, where they sell I live round the corner from Sand ever want to eat, cook, wear t migh you g ythin ever and anything ether different experience –tog all an is or show –off. Shopping staff in Jacksons, or over the from Notts- imagine haggling with bably do-able actually). (pro py Hap The in k drin the price of your introduction of my the and t learn This is where the wolof I have l. I sometimes feel usefu come in Senegalese name, Mamediarra, here, but without ch Fren than f wolo e as though I’ve learnt mor May the rest of se. gale Sene the it I wouldn’t feel as connected to ty bus rides on ricke , ujen cheb of ls mea e mor y the year bring man le. peop g estin inter with car rapides and encounters

, IMPACT’S GUIDE TO... SPORTING

INJURIES

by Emma Tarrant

OVERHEARD IN HALLWARD

by BIANCA LEGGETT

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Did you see his girlfriend?

XBOUT UP HFU SFBMM

a penis on your

hasn’t drawn now I’m scared… he's a big boy…at least he surprises, lame…how the hell did hand… Beckham’s been dropped… He just spoils all wealthy?... my mum, she’s going he manage that?... are your parents quite filling stu ff in it… poured  to st. lucia…Yeah, but if it’s a salad wit h rea lly s it on purpose?...But at the end of the all over him…do you reckon he doe …A really good bloke, he was in my halls…it’s te ma sly iou Ser er… long bit little a go I … day Isis…and for ‘how do you know this really heavy…but I have to say, I prefer sister’…She said that the first person?’ he went and put ‘I knobbed his ed…are you sure you don’t want me to walk you?

time I ask

They say it’s a man’s world. Although sometimes, let’s face by Francesca Wood work o ut having to it, it can be tough for them to get a word in edgeways when a man is e brain g th in e ve b a h st don’t ing abo ut nd Year ju th women are around. Spleen understands their pain, so in e g w in y id o 2 a ann afr Do m, “The most rstan d wo men! I’m x min ds work” – honour of Impact’s special Men’s Issue, I’ve been passing e mple co ir w to un d e o th h my dictaphone exclusively to Nottingham’s vast selection of get how pacity to eligible gentlemen and encouraging them to vent the things ca that irritate them most about being err.. well, men... “We can’t be creative with clothes like you girls can. Secretly, one of my favourite things about fancy dress is that I can get away with wearing tights. They’re sooo warm.” – Sam, 2nd Year

if ht rig nt. e e b s er pre tly nev man latan en..” n a wo e b ft ec w ore o “ W re’s a n if sm the t. Eve ich i ar h c d Ye a r w F . .. 3 are iam, –L

“Girls don’t lo ve up our do dgy picklines? Why not? are So me of them is th if e Se . gems ur doesn’t melt yo u heart: “Are yo t? a parking ticke got Because yo u’ve all en itt wr ne fiiiin rr.. over yo u…” [e ough en ite qu s ’ at th kie] an Fr – ! of that nd – Ant, 2 Year

“Shorter life span, and higher car insurance! It’s just absolutely unfair” – Pete, 3rd Year “I co m carr e from gs y um in P th t gh fi to brell ortugal y ou c re expected , wh as a e’ w a up at n sth st ’ t s fi ere rou wo ca “I gues e whole yo u know th can’t do w ith, besi des w man. Ap rr y an u n d if it’s it’s co ol p e out maybe, m ly a t al re b ” g r I in e r th at – ella raining for gu ntl ? Th Migu the chivalry outside-shit el, 1 st y it’s ma w ithou . But o v ys to K. I enjoy O t is ac st t ch er h to re Year that the er at we have , Ral o to sta lo oking know w ith aybe also th l u M n e ike a e, . yo at d i t, g th no d h Pa a re an e’ r w n t o no he u w rkmy nd g in de d It’s just ettin stronger -m eak ups etc? g death or brth ar things like Ye 4 , an Se – y.” cr to co ol “Dunno, I guess prostate cancer’s pretty annoying.” – Cameron, 1st Year, Raleigh Park 38

Dod Proctor: A Singular Vision @ Djanogoly Art Gallery

Known by the self-styled nickname ‘Dod’ and married to fellow artist Ernest Proctor, Dorris Shaw (1890-1972) came to public prominence in 1927 with a painting entitled ‘Morning,’ in which a young girl, seemingly on the cusp of adult awakening, reclines in soft white bedclothes, and symbolises the arising awareness of the artist herself. Although this painting won her the Royal Academy Award for ‘Painting of the Year’ in 1927, there are other aspects of Proctor’s career that deserve to be acknowledged, and are in this exhibition.

The 39 Steps @ The Royal Centre It is always a real treat to indulge in a visit to the Theatre Royal in the city centre. The dazzling chandelier hangs proudly from the ceiling inspiring its actors to sparkle; and sparkle they did in this witty, energetic production of The 39 Steps. The fun–filled, fast –paced plot sometimes moved a little too quickly, but its impact was nonetheless riveting. Following a dramatic evening at the theatre, the dapper and caddish Richard Hannay finds himself back in his flat with the beautiful Annabella, who is convinced that she has uncovered a secret about The 39 Steps- a mysterious organisation that poses a serious threat to national security. But before Hannay can discover any more, the organisation gets to Annabella with a bread knife and, worse, Hannay is wanted for her murder… With a cast of only four and a neutral stage, the set and character changes were not, as convention dictates, covered up but were embraced for their comic effect. The actors flitted between roles on stage and in one scene an actor delightfully alternated between two characters, having a conversation, in essence, with himself. Chairs and props whizzed onto the stage, all to the audience’s delight. At times the humour was overly slapstick and it was all a little far fetched, but the 1930s music, ambiance and zesty cast provided an evening of pure escapism; The 39 Steps proving a deserving winner of the Laurence Olivier Best New Comedy Award. Lottie Clifton

It may seem old-fashioned to present the work of an artist whose work has fallen out of fashion since her death in 1972, so why do it? Perhaps it is to celebrate the talent of a British female artist, a comfortable and familiar figure in comparison to the young British women working today. Perhaps it is merely a move to increase public awareness of the work of a relatively littleknown painter.

Interestingly, the majority of pieces in this exhibition are of figures, yet there is a distinct lack of adult, male subjects, and instead Proctor favours the forms of women and children. Much could be made of this psychoanalytically, or perhaps this should be put down to the curator’s choice of works to be exhibited. In my opinion, however, this was probably a decision made to emphasise the point that she is a female painter, and apparently that is all women paint... Harriet Curtis

War and Peace @ The Nottingham Playhouse

dizzying heights. The deftly synthesised five and a half hour production perfectly captures the narcissism of a gilded Russian society with nothing but a minimal set of smoke and mirrors.

I would never usually advocate abandoning a book after beginning it, but if you have already dedicated the most fruitful years of your life to toiling through Tolstoy’s 1,444 pages of War and Peace (1865), and cannot remember why Natasha Rostov forsakes Andrei Bolkonsky for the love of Anatole Kuragin, yet somehow ends up happily married to Pierre Bezukhov, I say just cut your loses and go to see Nottingham Playhouse’s stunning two part production.

The unfaltering, seemingly undaunted company of 15 takes on a no small staging feat of 72 roles between them. Forever the ardent rationalist, Tolstoy would be smiling from his grave at this stage adaptation; he intended for his reader to see the irrational motives for human behaviour in both war and peace, and Helen Edmundson’s ideologically befuddled Pierre with his own Napoleon complex of imagining conversations with the bellicose leader, means it loses none of this sting. It seems of no less significance today that a war that starts off as ‘a war for peace’ can soon dissipate into ‘a battle of wills between magnanimous men’.

The story, for those of you who are unaware, is one of early nineteenth century Russia during tumultuous times for the aristocracy and peasants alike. War is nigh with the brink of the Napoleonic conquest of Western Europe, and five bourgeoisie families face the truth of the absurdity of existence when they are made to confront the consequences of war. I think it is the staggering ambition of the two directors from the company Shared Experience that allows this adaptation to reach such 40

Josie Ensor

Men in the minority An arts student looks at the male-female imbalance in the arts According to the urban myth, Nottingham has a ridiculously high ratio of women to men. The myth draws hundreds of stag parties into the city centre at weekends and probably influences a fair few UCAS forms too. Did you believe the hype? If you did, by now you must have been either delighted or disappointed to realise that the overall ratio is pretty much the same as you’d find anywhere else. If, however, you’re spending your time at this university within the Arts and Humanities faculty, it turns out that the myth might very well be true. In a very un-artsy fashion, let’s look at some statistics from the last academic year: in the School of Modern Languages & Cultures, the split was 32% male compared to 68% female; English Studies was 28% male and 72% female; Art History was 16% male and 84% female. Philosophy and History were the only departments where the men outnumbered the women, but only slightly. “You could even become an arty male stereotype: all sensitive and deep, dressing a bit Dickensian and taking pride in the fact that you’re not limited to slurring crude banter whilst bathing in Karni cocktail.” Obviously these figures aren’t helping to challenge the notion that arts degrees are for women. That stereotype, along with the very idea of women in higher education, basically started with the Victorians. The status of women was changing and, although it still implied being pigeonholed as carer-givers, education was one of the few professions open to women. Simultaneously, the onus was on art as a civilising force, inextricable

from ideas of shared tradition and national identity. With this importance came high-profile jobs, and consequently a need for women to get qualified in order to teach arts subjects to children; from this starting point, women started to break into academia properly. Today you can criticise patriarchy as part of your arts degree, but is the situation really all that subversive? A large number of arts graduates go into primary or secondary teaching, where female teachers are still in the majority. A scientist might wonder why, for a male in the minority, this is any cause for complaint. After all, if you’re up for a career in teaching then you’ll stand a disproportionately good chance of beating female competitors to senior management jobs. Arts lectures and seminars smell nicer, and they tend to be interesting. (For a point of comparison, arts students, you could visit the Pope Building). Provided that the overwhelming female presence in your classes doesn’t make you completely mute, you’ll stand a chance of developing some rather good conversational skills. You could even become an arty male stereotype: all sensitive and deep, dressing a bit Dickensian and taking pride in the fact that you’re not limited to slurring crude banter whilst bathing in Karni cocktail. You might also have to put up with ‘feminist stuff’. You’ll have to see phallic symbols in everything and try to feel outraged that some of your favourite artists and works of art are misogynistic by today’s standards. No, it’s not that bad, but male students really don’t leap at the chance to sign up for modules with ‘gender’ in the title. In fairness, the

terminological shift towards gender studies (rather than feminism) is a positive one; men probably ought to engage with this discourse, rather than shy away from it altogether. Both sexes have produced art and both sexes have studied it; we should be looking for more equilibrium. In theory, there’s no reason why men shouldn’t be just as inclined as women to do arts degrees. “A scientist might wonder why, for a male in the minority, this is any cause for complaint. After all, if you’re up for a career in teaching then you’ll stand a disproportionately good chance of beating female competitors to senior management jobs.” Then again, there are other ways of being in a minority. Especially at Nottingham, if you aren’t white, middle-class and from the South-East of England then you might be more likely to feel uncomfortable because of those factors, rather than your gender. Is the predominance of female students in arts courses such a massive problem? I’ll leave that up to you, but it’s undeniable that there are various initiatives aimed at getting women into science, whereas you won’t find equivalents for getting men into arts. Perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised that there isn’t the same investment in more ‘vocational’ areas of academia, but that’s not to say that it’s OK to be laissez-faire about such obvious imbalances. Will academic institutions get their acts together? Moreover, do they really care? For now, I suppose, the concerned arts student will just have to be extra nice to male sixth-formers on open days. Joe Kirkham Art for me has always been an essential distraction from coursework and essay writing; if I ever needed a break I’d just pick up a pencil and a sketch book, which is why I’ve never undertaken it as a study.

creative corner Luke Curtis-Collins

I marvel both at the free, natural forms of more conventional art, but also the technical precision of industry and architecture. Thus while my ideas are largely spontaneous, I’ve become very methodical in my composition and will often get caught in the trance of a repetitive pattern to find I’ve gone through seven cups of coffee and its all of a sudden four o’clock in the morning. So with this piece I have brought together these aspects to create a synthesis of unbound, quiet, natural contentment with the regularity and commotion of technology. I’m heavily influenced by the minimalism of Japanese art, and some may find allusions to Ezra Pound in the theme, but for me it’s whatever is floating around my consciousness at the time.

Juno One of this year’s biggest hits with audiences and critics alike is Juno. Directed by Jason Reitman (Thank You For Smoking), Juno tells the story of quirky teenager Juno MacGuff (Ellen Page) whose unplanned pregnancy with her best friend Paulie Bleaker (Michael Cera) leads her to agree on an open adoption with yuppie couple Michael Yoring (Jason Bateman) and Vanessa Yoring (Jennifer Garner). Ellen Page’s performance has received a considerable amount of attention and rightly so. It is Page’s maturity in her performance that gives the audience the impression that she is an acting veteran, despite her twenty years of age. Despite the outstanding performance by Ellen Page a mention must go to the efforts of the cast as a whole; Michael Cera (Superbad) displays why he is quickly

becoming a fan favourite, Jason Bateman and especially Jennifer Garner are both excellent as the eager adoptive parents. However, Juno’s biggest strength and most memorable feature is the screenplay by Diablo Cody. Not only does the screenplay provide fully developed characters but also razor sharp dialogue. The dialogue is especially well measured not only for its dry and quirky humor but its ability to be tender at the right time. Juno came to Britain with a considerable amount of hype and lofty expectations. More often than not it is hard to meet the reputation that has developed but the expectations have been fully met in a film that is as delightful as it is funny.

Warren Tarling

Rambo It’s been 20 years since Sylvester Stallone hung up the attire that is now held to be the quintessential commando uniform for any student diving into the dressing up box. That’s right boys and girls, equipped with his red hair bandana, his skin tight ‘wife-beater’ and an enormous machine gun… Rambo is back. In this fourth instalment we find our steroidpumped renegade in the Karen State of Burma commissioned by a large group of Bible-bashing missionaries to guide them there so they may give aid to all those that need it. Naturally, all goes a bit pear shaped and our missionaries find themselves either decapitated, burned or prisoners to the malicious Burmese army. Who else better therefore, to take on the army, to rescue what’s left of our captives and to kill a lot of people along the way, than John Rambo? Well, as you may have guessed the film is one long gore fest, taking even the likes of Saw IV and Hostel to the cleaners. Though all the manly violence, blood and death is indeed present, the desperate attempt at some story to create the necessary conditions for all the onslaught are far too apparent. Lack of character development and a poor plot simply cause you to seek the end of the film half an hour before it’s over. According to our protagonist; “When you’re pushed, killin’ is as easy as breathin’.” Damn shame making a good movie isn’t, hey Sly?

Harry Kerr

Three of the best man films... Heat (1995) As the tagline goes, Heat is an L.A. crime saga, which emphasises the grand scope of the picture that allows it to rise above other action films with its’ rich and detailed plot. It follows the ultimate game of cat-and-mouse featuring two of the greatest actors in the world squaring off against each other for the first time: Robert De Niro and Al Pacino. Director Michael Mann keeps the tension high by separating the actors until a vital moment in the film, and also demonstrates his excellent flair for action with the hyperrealistic bank robbery sequence that spills out onto the streets. Andrew Gallimore Batman Begins (2005) A classic action film demands fast cars, fast women, colossal explosions and a gritty leading man. Batman Begins surpasses this with its complete originality and attention to detail. As a prequel to all the previous Batman stories, director Christian Nolan audaciously manages to release the darker, more

conflicted character of Batman. Christian Bale delivers a muscular and believable lead performance, superbly supported by the engaging Liam Neeson and Gary Oldman. Most importantly, Batman Begins provides a revamped and unique BatMobile, an energetic story and the iconic Michael Caine as Alfred, the Butler. Truly the greatest action film ever made. Miles Angell Superbad (2007) So, you’re having a lads’ night in, got beers in the fridge, party rings if you’re feeling particularly adventurous, and you want a film for the occasion. Personally, it has got to be a laugh- out- loud comedy, and no, that doesn’t include Die Hard 4. Having watched Superbad recently (for the third time), I think it would be ideal. A mash of superb comic timing, witty and often satisfyingly crude dialogue that is frequently hilarious, and some of the best physical comedy I’ve seen for a while, make this an ideal film to watch with a group of mates. Marcus Wood

The Death Effect: Movies Released after the Loss of A Star The film world found itself in shock with the announcement of the death of Heath Ledger, a promising young actor who seemed destined for greatness. With his passing Ledger left behind two films yet to be released; the recently finished, The Dark Knight, and still in the process of being filmed, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, which will be completed using CGI- something that may aid the film’s magical context. The real question is how these films will be received in the wake of Ledger’s death. In order to try to hazard a guess, turn your mind back to other films that have been released following the demise of a major star. Perhaps the most

famous example is James Dean who died in 1955 leaving Rebel Without a Cause and Giant still to be released. Whilst few (if any) reading this article will remember Dean’s death and the affect it had on the movies, there are even fewer people who do not recognise his image. Struck down in a motor accident in the prime of life, Dean’s face has become truly iconic and his youthful features have survived far longer than many an actor who had a longer career. The nature of Ledger’s death might be compared to that of River Phoenix’s, who died from a serious drug overdose outside Johnny Depp’s nightclub the Viper Room. Ledger who died in his apartment was reportedly found lying next to a bottle of sleeping pills. It was reported that his work on The Joker had been so intense that he had been unable to sleep and so had to resort to the drugs. When people watch the film will they be watching ‘the performance that killed Heath Ledger’? Another comparison can be drawn with Brandon Lee in The Crow who was accidentally shot on set. Thus The Crow’s reputation that comes from the tragic accident

may perhaps pre-curse how people view The Dark Knight. The death of a star usually takes the filmmakers by surprise and so they have to find ways to finish the film. This was the case with Oliver Reed in Gladiator and two minutes of footage were added on with CGI, like the Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Will it suffer from childish attempts by people trying to guess which scenes are the real Ledger, and which ones are CGI? Parnassus, like Gladiator, will be dedicated to the memory of the deceased star. There are many ways that Ledger’s posthumous legacy could be received, either as the films that killed him, the last movies of an actor that had so much promise but was cut down in the prime of life, or maybe the image of The Joker will cast a shadow over everything else and the only thing people will remember of Ledger is a mass –murdering demented clown. Daniel Sonabend

The Hollywood is indeed a fickle mistress. None more so than with the leading men whom she has courted. Here, Impact Film examines this tumultuous love affair between the film industry and her few select men. The Golden Age of Hollywood throughout the ‘30s and ‘40s required a diversion from troubles at home and abroad, be it the Depression or the imminent outbreak of war in Europe. Suave and sophisticated actors such as Clark Gable, Cary Grant, and James Stewart offered the viewing public a charming yet accessible escape from the stresses of the outside world. Simultaneously, however, these actors provided the public with something to relate to and aspire to, which makes the reaction to this particular group even more surprising. From the mid-50s to late 70s, Hollywood underwent a complete change in structure with the old studio system being all but broken up, compounded by the rise of television. Along with changes in governmental perception towards a negative bias, misaligned and malformed young men with openly rebellious natures were sought out to portray intense and often violent characters shunted by society. Actors such as Marlon Brando, James Dean, Jack Nicholson and Robert De Niro brilliantly represented

their era and the general feeling at the time, simmering with aggression and masculinity, bordering on the revolutionary and misogynistic. The “Rise of Reagan” in the ‘80s required a different breed of man entirely, especially as the Red Menace was perpetually on the warpath. Chisel-jawed muscle men from Arnie to Sly and all steroid-junkies in between were offered leading roles in the age where America was the lone fighter against Communism and, as it turned out, good taste and subtlety in the movies. No matter how many ‘Gandhi’s there were or could have been, the REAL ‘80s man ignored emotion in favour of body lotion, an M16 and an unparalleled tan. But what of the here and now? For a generation such as ours, struggling to stand up in the face of the expectations of the past along with the stresses and strains of an uncertain future, we feel as though we are lacking in an identity of our own. This confusion has passed onto Hollywood, with current big box office actors fulfilling most, if not all of the types that I have previously shown. With arguably one of the finest acting rosters of all time, George Clooney,

Matt Damon, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and their ilk represent a new era of properly multi-facetted actors equally at ease in all aspects of cinema, be it straight drama, comedy, action, or a combination of the three. Confident in their own abilities and in the public eye, these men are envied by men and women everywhere as ideals of what success should be, without compromising the self at all, leading me to believe that Hollywood may have finally found her match. Tom Brookes

n a M

Artist: Hot Chip Album: “Made In The Dark” Label: EMI Records (February 2008)

Album Reviews

Artist: Bullet For My Valentine Album Title: Scream Aim Fire Record Label: Sony BMG Music Entertainment (Jan 28, 2008)

Artist: Lightspeed Champion Album: Falling off the Lavender Bridge Label: Domino Lightspeed Champion is the new moniker of Devonte Hynes, formerly of indie-metal jokers Test Icicles fame. The biggest surprise is that Lightspeed Champion – brilliantly – is nothing like Test Icicles; and all initial fears that the album is by yet another singersongwriter drone are quashed after a couple of listens. Producer Mike Mogis brings to the album the same pastoral beauty found on the Bright Eyes’ records he has both produced and played on. Vocally and lyrically, however, Devonte is less Conor Oberst and more Kele Okereke of Bloc Party, bringing the same insular, modern world observations found on Silent Alarm albeit with a sharper bite. At times accused of being too ‘scene’, Dev truly sheds that label with this genuinely melodic and diverse debut. Standout track “Galaxy of the Lost” begins with a desperate and confessional vocal harmony that quickly develops into a finger picked guitar part that could be found on an acoustic jazz song, before becoming a country-tinged strumalong. The range in the guitar playing is subtle but vitally present, showing strong promise for the future.

In 2005, Bullet exploded onto the scene with their critically acclaimed ‘The Poison’, which launched them into an international field. 2008’s ‘Scream Aim Fire’ begins promisingly, Tuck screaming ‘Kill your enemies’ as the listener finds themselves lost in a maelstrom of roaring guitars and pummelling drums. But after the first couple of songs, the album digresses. ‘Hearts Burst Into Fire’ is a blatant reworking of ‘Curses’ from the 2004 EP, whilst Benji Webbe’s guest vocals dominate ‘Take It Out On Me’ so much the listener is forced to check they are indeed listening to Bullet For My Valentine. ‘Forever and Always’ is a wonderfully overblown epic which ultimately leads nowhere. Bullet forged their name through a unique sound that combined heaviness and pop appeal in an ingenious manner. Now they seem to have lost their own sound and acquired that of about six other bands. Consequently, ‘Scream Aim Fire’, although a good album, is also an erratic one, unable to decide whether it is a thrash album or a collection of rock ballads, and doomed to live in The Poison’s shadow. 6/10 Ryan Neal

8/10

To put it broadly, the five DJ extraordinaires are comparable to freaky Kraftwerk/Phillip Glass love child, only with added groove. Their 3rd album gives listeners a pure slice of British electropop, whilst pioneering neosoulful beats are used to invigorate their primary alternative dance medium. Unlike most clever-clog synth-users, Hot Chip’s accessibility isn’t a problem, each song being an exercise in infuriatingly catchy hooks that anyone with a basic understanding of rhythm will latch on to. To-ing and fro-ing between choirboy ballads occasionally cut with sharp synth beats and unstoppable verses of delicious, repetitious dancepunk promiscuity, there is a reassuring undercurrent of heart to the album that Kraftwerk, brilliant as they were, just never grasped. Dancy beeps and boops might put 1,000 volts of fear into you, but electrophobes need not worry, for when you quit busting moves there exists a tight lyrical depth reinforcing a smartass ability to turn obscure references to Jerry ‘the King’ Lawler into rhyming couplets. Alternating between smarmy club brats and dance-floor genius’s, Hot Chip may be hard to pin down but there’s no doubt ‘pinned down’ will invariably be the state of listeners under the hypnotic charm of the band. 9/10 Ben P. Griffin

Artist: Neon Neon Album: Stainless Style Label: Lex (March 17, 2008) Upon hearing the name Neon Neon, sceptics may expect yet another electro-indie fusion act. However, in this instance the eclectic jumble of Super Furry Animal Gruff Rhys and electro based experimental LA producer Boom Bip promises more. Throw in collaborations with the infamous Har Mar Superstar and Yo! Majesty amongst others and expectations rise yet again. The inspiration behind ‘Stainless Style’ – the frantic life and times of motor industry tycoon John DeLorean – is in itself an unusual concept for an album. ‘Raquel’ is based upon a particular love affair whilst ‘I Lust You’ and ‘Trick for Treat’ highlight DeLorean’s spurious impressions of celebrity life. Considering the number of influences the two architects behind Neon Neon bring with them, the result is unconfined to one genre. ‘Trick for Treat’ combines commanding Spank Rock verses with powerful beats while ‘Raquel’ complements Gruff Rhys’ placid lyrics with a classic New Order-esque tune. The concept behind this work is unquestionably inventive, but the sound that follows is largely a work of fusion and not quite so groundbreaking. It is however, exhilarating material and well worth a listen. 7/10

Cameron Rae

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Artist: The Eels Album: Meet the Eels: Essential Eels, Vol.1, 1996-2006 Release Date: January 21, 2008

Compilation: DJ Craze: Fabric Live Session 38 Label: Fabric Records Release Date: February 11, 08

Celebrating a decade of recordings, the ever-changing support band for the multiinstrumentalist and songwriter Mr E has released a ‘best of’ charting the band’s seemingly exponential rise to rock music greatness. Including numbers from every album and a couple of previously unreleased tracks, this eclectic mish-mash reflecting the varying tones of the band over the years, makes for an album accessible to everyone without sacrificing the depth and meaning of their work. The album seems to touch every point of the musical compass: from the euphorically joyful “Fresh Feeling” to the bleak “Novocaine For The Soul”; from the playful “I Like Birds” to the heartfelt “I’m Going to Stop Pretending That I Didn’t Break Your Heart”; from the unashamedly poppy in “Mr. E’s Beautiful Blues” to the surreal in “That’s Not Really Funny”. It is this variety, the contrast of buoyant melody with E’s melancholic lessons from a life filled with tragedy, which makes him such a vital artist. Even more important is E’s bittersweet message encapsulated in “Hey Man” and “Losing Streak”; you’ve got to take the good with the bad because the lows are what make the highs so sublime. In a music scene sounding increasingly generic by the day, this eccentric and idiosyncratic ‘best of’ is a reminder to get some fresh air.

The latest instalment from the dirgey sound lab of Farringdon’s eminent dance-zone, Fabric Live presents the dextrous cut-ups of Miamiborn Craze. For those aurally rooted in the rhythmic rendzina* of dance, this turntablist extraordinaire needs no introduction. A 3-time DMC world championship record holder, this body of work spans 74 minutes of dancefloor pleasure, which pays testament to his ability to collate an eclectic array of aural offerings including Miami bass samplings, contemporary R&B and electronically laced jazz percussion. As the heat generated from the turntable’s consistent revolutions builds, Craze seems to take the listener on a transient journey, fashioning sonorous bridges between contemporary electronic acts such as Chromeo and pioneering disco beat bashers Earth, Wind & Fire. All in all a record that truly traipses the vestries of sound, promoting hybridity between genres with every step taken.

9/10

For those unacquainted with Cornwall’s ‘3 Daft Monkeys’ imagine Gogol Bordello and Flogging Molly covering a dance song and you’re somewhere in the right ballpark. This, their fourth studio album, does not deviate from their previous work, but is perhaps slightly less upbeat. The tangled vocals of Tim Ashton and Athene Roberts contribute to the European sound in their music along with the refreshingly original rhythms. Album opener ‘Paranoid Big Brother’ is a delightfully quirky number with catchy lyrics and hooks aplenty. Other highlights include the Jazz resembling ‘Eyes of Gaia’ and the moody title track ‘Social Vertigo’. About half way through the album ceases to shift and develop, sticking to the same formula, and struggling to maintain the listener’s attention. It is worth noting that the best parts of this offering are available on the 2007 EP ‘Go Tell The Bees’. Nevertheless, 3 Daft Monkeys are a brilliantly original band surely destined for great things.

Ed Gent Compilation: Rough trade Shops: Counter Culture 07 Rough Trade Records (February 11, 2008) Started by Geoff Travis in the midseventies under the DIY aesthetic, Rough Trade records has housed some of the most intriguing outfits pertaining to the post-punk genre. And what better way to commemorate the transition towards a new revolution around the sun, than by collating the best picks from the music vine dated 2007. Counter-Culture 07 collates a varied breath of stylistic influences ranging from the boisterous technical musings of techrock extraordinaire Battles to the almost omniscient scientific postulations of the astrological Julian Cope. With the dawn of ‘08 unfolding under the celestial sign of the rising computer ship, this year promises extensive leaps in the propagation of barrier blurring beats funneled smoothly through the infinite domain of cyber-space. All in all a creative almanac, conveying just what leaps lie ahead for the dissemination of DIY sound.

*(Ed: A type of soil, apparently) Sixty G Artist: 3 Daft Monkeys Album: Social Vertigo Label: Proper Music (March 03, 2008)

7/10 Ryan Neal

6/10 Sixty G

Artist: These New Puritans Album: Beat Pyramid Label: Cool Delta Records (January 28, 2008) Emanating from South-End on Sea, this Essex based quartet have crafted a higher rung for Britain’s standard of homegrown elect-rock. Despite drawing influences from heterogeneous roots, an immediate comparison to the The Kills is established upon hearing the raw crunch of their earth basstones. But their multi-faceted capability really shines through as front man Jack Barnett weaves haunting threads of descriptive prose over tribal sounding percussion. No doubt this outfit injects something fresh into the current chart climate; aside from the candidly knit vocal point, Barnett delicately dusts the band’s web of sounds with poignant digital flecks from his synthesiser. In sum, an interesting offshoot in the synth-rock movement, for lovers of the Infidels, Test-icicles and Art Brut. 8/10 Sixty G

Snappy Singles Forget Winehouse. Hearts and not tempers will melt as soulful crooner Duffy, a lady who proves you don’t need a beehive hairdo to tribute the soothing sounds of Motown, releases a real emotion-lasher of a tune in ‘Mercy’. Female duo Robots In Disguise, containing one of Russell Brand’s many lovers, are bound to grab attention with their jaunty new, parody-heavy number, ‘We’re In The Music Biz’ (that they are naked on the front cover has nowt to do with it). Meanwhile, the aptly named alt-rock lads Vincent Vincent and the Villains provide this week’s repetitive hooks with ‘Pretty Girl’. With ‘Knock Me Down’, The Rivers cap off a month of melancholic love tunes dotted with sharp influxes of dirty rock, and the less said about Gabrielle’s new single the better (my heart can surely melt no more). P.S. can we get that Robots In Disguise cover in A3? Ben P. Griffin

American Underground

owlin’ Rain were

formed by Comets on Fire’s Ethan Miller and Sunburned Hand of the Man’s John Moloney. Given that the former of these bands sounds like four thousand Blue Cheers rearranging your nervous system and the latter are a motley collection of freaks, geeks and dropouts whose music stumbles in and out of time and reality with alarming regularity, it’s rather unlikely that their collaborative project should find itself signed to Rick Rubin’s American Recordings (home to System of a Down, late Johnny Cash, early Red Hot Chilli Peppers and, erm, the South Park ‘Chef Aid’ album) and tipped as ‘one to watch in 2008’ by Mojo Magazine. But that’s exactly where they find themselves. Impact’s David Bell investigates the motley crew who’re dragging the American Underground overground... Much ink has been spilled over the ‘New Weird Americana’/‘American Underground’ scene in magazines like Plan B and The Wire. Artists like Jackie O-Motherfucker, No Neck Blues Band, Devendra Banhart and Howlin’ Rain’s parents Comets on Fire and Sunburned Hand of the Man have been busy deconstructing, recontextualising and generally mixing around the great American musical forms – jazz, folk, country, blues, rock ‘n’ roll and (occasionally) hip-hop – for some time now. It’s not a scene in the sense that the bands know each other (though many do) or even sound the same. Rather it’s the ‘feel’ that unites these bands - Gram Parson’s call for a ‘cosmic American music’ perhaps serving as the best starting point for their raison d’être. They’ve stretched it farther than the Byrd could ever have possibly conceived, in the process portraying a wondrously

crazed America to rival that of George Bush, Hollywood and Paris Hilton. Howlin’ Rain, however, sit in uneasy reflection on all of this ahead of their gig at The Maze on Mansfield Road. Asking them how they see themselves in relation to this ‘scene’ gets me only a quizzical look and a request to explain myself. I try my best.

“The term ‘Napalm Wrecked Underground’ is often used to describe the feel of New Weird Americana. But this was an album that smelt as much of fried chicken and axle grease as anything else” “Well, we like a lot of bands and I guess a lot of those bands happen to be American. We grew up listening to American pop music on the radio.” Pop. Is that how they see themselves then, as a pop band? “Yeah, absolutely; I’d definitely say we’re primarily a pop band. I mean, we like all kinds of stuff but our music is pop music. Some of us like soul and I love the [Grateful] Dead, but we all love pop.” And they’re not wrong. I remember being struck by the infectious nature of the melodies on their self-titled debut album (released on the Birdman label in May of last year). It certainly wasn’t the mashedup freak-out I’d expected from Miller and Moloney. The phrase ‘Napalm Wrecked Underground’ is often used to describe the feel of New Weird Americana. But this was an album that smelt as much of fried chicken and axle grease as anything else. Its mirages were mirages of the desert heat, not of Hunter S. Thompson’s pharmaceuticals cabinet. That’s not to say that the occasional whiff of something unusual doesn’t crop up now and again; the searing guitar burst 46

on ‘Death Prayer In Heaven’s Orchid’ is as out-there as anything you’d hear on the scene’s most messed up albums. The album’s cover depicts great clouds of purplish smoke billowing out of a hillside shack and you don’t tend to find too many songs called ‘Indians, Whores and Spanish Men of God’ on the Radio One playlist. These ‘weird’ elements work superbly in the pop context - coming across better than in many of the scene’s more obviously bizarre albums, which occasionally become bogged down in an endless procession of far-out wackiness. It was certainly enough to impress Rick Rubin. I ask how the band came to find themselves on his legendary American Recordings label; “Well, Rick had heard some stuff and he gave Ethan a call and it all went from there. He just really liked our stuff I think.” Whilst Rubin’s always been a bit of a maverick, he’s one big fish in the American music business– co-head of Columbia Music (one of the four biggest record labels on the planet) and was in Time’s 100 Most Important People on the Planet list in 2007. This involvement with such big industry amuses the band more than anything else. When asked how it feels to be on American Recordings they display an (only slightly ironic) joy at being labelmates with metal legends Danzig and a (definitely ironic) joy at being on the label that gave the world the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. An odd time for this group, then, and things could get bigger (though perhaps not Red Hot Chillies big) with the release of their new album. Entitled ‘Magnificent Fiend’, it’s due out in spring 2008. “It’s a lot more polished than the debut album,” they explain. “Ethan’s got in a lot more musicians and a lot more thought has gone into the arrangements. The first

Live Reviews

album was recorded really quickly and roughly and without a load of thought, but this one’s a lot more sophisticated.” The line-up has changed too. Moloney’s gone – off to concentrate on Sunburned Hand of the Man full time - and Miller’s assembled a new cast of musicians. Hearing the new stuff (albeit in a live context) makes it clear the new songs possess a far greater level of musical sophistication, though there are still curveballs aplenty.

“They’ve stretched it farther than the Byrd could ever have possibly conceived, in the process portraying a wondrously crazed America to rival that of George Bush, Hollywood and Paris Hilton” Where now then for the American Underground? Will Howlin’ Rain’s success see more bands dragged kicking and screaming into the limelight? It’s unlikely. And, thankfully, the scene’s shown it has what it takes to weather the onslaught from a music press that creates then dumps heroes in a flash. For whilst the artistic merits of the scene’s other biggest successes (Animal Collective, Devendra Banhart and Joanna Newsom) can long be debated, the diversity of sound on offer in the American underground means the calcification that mainstream attention normally brings to a scene is easily sidestepped. You can’t pigeonhole this kind of music and Howlin’ Rain’s rise is merely the latest incredible chapter in its crazed journey. David Bell

Malefice @ Rock City, Basement, 31/01/ 2008 The sound quality in the basement tonight is perhaps crisper than a packet of Walkers original ridges and the first band on tonight take full advantage of this. Watching support act Cinders Fall, one would think that they were headlining their 17th annual show at Wembley Stadium. They should be. Their assault is intricate and precisely performed, whilst vocalist Anthony Masters doesn’t seem to pause for breath as he rattles off his machine gun vocals as if they were scraped out of the very depths of hell itself. Cinders Fall’s keyboard infused deathcore-meets-metalcore concoction is an infectious one and it is a crime that the dance floor remains empty during their set. Watch out for these Essex boys. It seems doubtful that Malefice are going to be able to top this performance and as they arrive onstage to a crowd of six whole people, things aren’t looking good. Front man Dale Butler boisterously joins his fans on the floor and before the night is over, the crowd increased fivefold. Malefice are a ferocious live act, ripping and snarling their way through a set of perfectly executed stormers. It’s just a shame about the crowd’s lack of size and enthusiasm. Ryan Neal

Kerrang! Tour w/ Coheed and Cambria, Madina Lake, Fightstar and Circa Survive @ Rock City, January 28, 2008 The snaking queue outside Rock City, comprised mostly of 14-16 yr old kids, speaks volumes about the appeal of tonight’s annual Kerrang! tour stop. Whilst a select few adults dot the landscape, probably just to see emo-prog headliners Coheed and Cambria, it is clear that this one’s for the youngsters. Completing the picture, a small, enthusiastic fan nearby squeaks, “I was in the pit for [happy pop-punksters] Bowling For Soup; it was immense!” As the cavernous space of the main hall starts to fill to the rafters, five-piece Circa Survive bound onto the stage and incite a mass clap-along. The enthusiasm of the crowd builds as Fightstar and Madina Lake each crank up the tempo, although it is the former that provides the mosh-worthy fun; the latter are just rubbish emo-punk with fashionable hair. The kids seem to like it though. It is up to headliners Coheed and Cambria to add some musical flair and credibility to the proceedings and this they have in spades. By the end of their hour-long set, the whole crowd are singing every word back to them. Pity they didn’t have time to play the epics such as ‘Final Cut’ or ‘On The Brink’, but no-one seems to mind come the end of the triumphant encore. Thankfully, Coheed managed to rescue the night from mainstream ‘emo’ mediocrity.

CSS and Justice @ Rock City, Saturday December 08, 2007 The hectic touring schedule of CSS throughout 2007 had reaped them almost unanimous acclaim as they approached their second appearance in Nottingham in the space of a year. On the same bill this time around was Justice, whose latest release ‘Cross’ – a full-length electro album – has pushed the genre further towards mass appeal. As such, the atmosphere throughout the evening was energised, seemingly helped by the fact that the show was not reserved for over-18’s. Bodies moved and faces smiled, particularly when Lovefoxxx and company (true to form) arrived onstage dressed as Christmas gifts. However even those who went home happy must have speculated as to what might have been. Justice’s technical expertise was obvious and sustained, but was let down by having to come off stage not long after 8pm because of the equally absurd 10pm curfew. Despite this, they combined the new hits with the unforgettable ‘We Are Your Friends’ effectively. Although CSS’s stage charm goes without saying, their sound relies upon dynamic guitar and keyboard work to provide vitality. The accentuated drum level in Rock City on this occasion overpowered these finer elements somewhat. The sound droned on largely unchanged until a late flurry of energy through ‘Lets Make Love and Listen to Death from Above.’ Considering what we have come to expect from performances in the past, the show this time around ended in disappointment.

Kiron Mair

James Ballard 47

What’s up on capmus? First Cheap Eco-House A new type of experimental house has sprung up in the School of the Built Environment. The magic of the house is the outer surface, which is a gel of phasechange microcapsules embedded in plasterboard.

Organic is the new black By Laura McGuinness Genetic modification – we shouldn’t be messing, right? All we ever hear on the news and read in the papers are concerns and objections to this advancing technology. Horror stories are abound of the harm that GM foods may do to human health and the damage they might do to the environment. Some of these stories are quite frankly ridiculous. Did you hear that one about how KFC uses chickens that are so genetically mangled that the company no longer retain the right to call their best selling products “chicken” burgers? People seem to lap these tales up; they love something to stand against. Organic is the new black. It’s official, getting back to nature, grubby veg and oddly shaped bananas are in fashion. To be honest, I for one, am getting pretty fed up with this media scare-mongering. It’s about time that GM technology and the scientists who work in the field (many of whom research and teach right within our midst over at Sutton Bonnington campus) finally get the praise they deserve. Just take a moment to consider that our world has an estimated population of over 6.6 billion people. That’s a big number to comprehend, enough to fill Wembley stadium 730,000 times over. This population is rising, increasing by around 74 million every year (another 823 Wembley stadiums.) Add to that the fact that over 25% of all the world’s crops are lost each year to insect attack alone, not to mention all those that are struck down by disease, drought, flooding or frosts. It’s tragic but hardly surprising that around 25,000 people die every day of hunger and hunger related causes. Clearly we haven’t got enough food to go around, and so finding ways to increase crop yield is of utmost importance. This is where genetic modification comes in. There are a number of ways in which GM plants can increase crops yields. Genes may be added to crops that make them resistant to insects or herbicides. This is great for the environment too because it means that less chemicals have to be sprayed in order to

control weeds and pests. Genes can also be added to plants to make them more tolerant to heat, salt or frosts. This means that these plants can be grown in parts of the world or on particular pieces of land which were previously considered unsuitable or infertile. Not only can scientists specialising in GM help produce more food, they can make it more nutritious too. ‘Golden Rice’ is a GM product that contains extra genes coding for vitamin A production. It was produced to aid people in the developing world who have a very limited diet and often suffer blindness as a result of vitamin A deficiencies. Genetic modification is also being used to turn plants into little factories, churning out the raw materials that enable scientists to produce many different pharmaceuticals and other products such as biodegradable plastics and bio fuels. Plants are able to synthesize these natural raw materials much more efficiently and cost-effectively than would be possible in the lab, and the potential for new products, particularly medicinal ones, is remarkable. However, as always there are concerns over this new technology. Many fear that GM foods could result in health problems, such as new allergies emerging. Since genetic modification is relatively new, no-one can say that zero risks are involved. Nevertheless, strict testing is put into practice before GM products are allowed on the food market. In fact, GM foods have to pass so many tests and meet so many guidelines that even some common supermarket foods such as the kiwi fruit would not reach these safety standards if they were tested. In the US over 60% of food products contain GM material, and many other countries including Canada, China and Australia are also embracing plant genetic modification. But in this country, and much of the rest of Europe for that matter, wary governments are not yet allowing farmers to grow GM crops. Unfortunately it may be only a matter of time before Britain becomes left behind in this new and exciting technology.

“It’s effectively encapsulated wax that melts and solidifies and in doing so can absorb or give out a huge amount of heat,” says Dr Mark Gillott in Design News. Thanks to its award-winning solar design, the house does not have central heating. The house features a wood-burner and an “induction cooker”. If successful, the recycled-steel-frame building could inspire an end to fuel poverty. However, the project has been questioned. One uncertain design feature of a plastic-coated house is whether it is flammable.

Skype Success The afternoon of Wednesday 30th January saw Forum’s (the student run service hosting impartial speaker events) first video link-up lecture from Dr Stuart Parkinson of Scientists for Global Responsibility, giving the power-point presentation entitled “Nuclear: the Security dimension”, over a rather sketchy internet connection.

Climate Justice Delayed Students filled courtroom 10 of the Magistrates Court as a research fellow of the Royal Society gave his testimony under oath. The case follows last April’s ‘direct action’ made by activists at a highly-visible power-station six miles south of Beeston. The activists were removed by police and prosecuted for ‘aggravated trespass’ which by definition means preventing the lawful activity of burning coal. The expert witness cited the IPCC’s (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change) Fourth Assessment Report, which is the consensus document of the scientific community, and the World Health Organisation. It takes years of research to attribute specific events to climate change. Higher global average temperatures would put more energy into the climate system, increasing the number of extreme weather events. For example by 2080 the heat-wave of 2003 would be an average summer. In brief, CO2 kills. On the bright side, one of the 11 used his right to remain silent, and was let off, doing a little jig around the room - according to Nottinghamshire Indymedia. The verdict has been delayed until March 25th. By Ben Samuel

Nintendo Wii review by Philip Morton

Ninjabread Man There’s trouble in Candy Land. This once sweet and tasty utopia has come under attack from a barbarian horde of cupcakes, jelly monsters, angry bees and other nefarious beings. All is not lost though, because the toughest cookie of them all is here to save the day. Ninjabread Man is a samurai sword wielding badass with a grudge to settle, ready to slice his enemies up and reduce them to pools of raspberry jam. With such a scrumptious premise and one of the best portmanteaus ever conceived, it’s safe to say that Ninjabread Man is one of the best games ever.

Ninjabread Man is perhaps the shortest retail title that you’ll ever play, comprising of a mere four levels, one of which is the tutorial. In each of the remaining three, your sole task is to jump around and collect the same items in order to open a portal which takes you to the next level. It’s platforming at its most basic and the entire game can be completed in just under an hour.

Well, until you actually play it, that is.

Short games can generally be forgiven if they’re packed with intense action, a gripping plot and unforgettable set pieces, but Ninjabread Man has none of these. The story isn’t even conveyed in the game itself; it’s simply left to the back of the box to explain our character’s situation.

It says a lot about a game when it takes longer to write the review than to complete it.

Without a story to get your teeth into, Ninjabread Man has to rely on its gameplay to keep us entertained, but sadly this is rotten to the core. Our hero has a repertoire of three moves; jump, throw a ninja star and swing his sword. Each one of these is poorly implemented, with jumping hampered by inconsistent collision detection and aiming often inaccurate. The worst of the bunch is the sword combat, which is more a case of swing and hope for the best. The game only seems to pick up about half of the Wii

Chocolates, roses and runaway sexual selection Put down that sickly card and step away from Clintons, sir! Homo sapiens have met a bit of a dead end with our clichéd, commercialised valentines practices. If wooing her with the flowers and truffles has failed, then it’s time to consult the more adventurous methods of the animal kingdom. Nature is fairly miserly with the adaptive strategies creatures may employ when facing evolutionary problems. Even if a mutation is useful, if it is physiologically expensive then it’s unlikely it will pass on to the next generation. However, Mother Nature isn’t entirely humourless. If an unusual characteristic happens to make the creature sexually successful, and hence, more likely to pass on its genes, then this characteristic will be favoured by selective forces. In other words, as long as you’re sexy, you can evolve as flamboyantly as you like! Consider the peacock, gentlemen. His magnificent tail is awkward and heavy, and in most respects quite detrimental to his survival, save one thing: the ladies love it. To adopt the strategy of the peacock, dress to impress; don a Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen style shirt, brightly coloured scarves and accessories. Strut your stuff and she’s sure to at least notice you. Alternatively, consider our not-so-distant cousins, the Bonobo

monkeys – party animals famed for their ‘anytime, anywhere, any reason’ attitude to sex. Bonobos will indulge in a quickie as a greeting, after an argument, to celebrate finding food… the list goes on. So don’t think you need an elaborate three course meal, the mellow glow of candle light and some hideously expensive Bordeaux to set the atmosphere. If the Bonobos, whose brains are several times smaller, can find such easy excuses, then so can you. If this is all a bit full on, then why not adopt the strategy of the oscine, or more commonly the songbird, who woos his females with haunting love songs? The songbird’s vocal organs are developed to allow him to produce a range of complex sounds; the more impressive his song, the more attracted the female. Remember when you were fourteen and bought a cheap guitar because you thought that if you could play a bit of ‘Smoke on the Water’ the girls would come flocking around you? Well, you might just be right, so get it out of the loft, strike up a few chords, and serenade your lady the oscine way. Gentlemen, we have seen that the males of the animal kingdom don’t go to Clintons, they go to town with extensive plumes, an open mind, and a couple of love songs hidden under their feathers. Drop the chocs and indulge in some Darwinian Dating. by Sophie Stammers 49

controller’s movements, so you’ll often lose a chunk of health before you finally slay your foe. Ninjabread Man couldn’t be more like a generic platformer if it tried. There’s not even a glimmer of innovation or attempt at anything remotely new. It makes no difference that it’s aimed at kids; this is still a lazily designed and implemented game with no attention to detail whatsoever. The biggest shame though, is that a name like Ninjabread Man should not be wasted on a game like this. Everyone who I’ve mentioned it to has found it genuinely amusing and wanted to know more. There isn’t enough humour in games these days and this was a prime opportunity to make one with plenty in. Ninjabread Man could be a cool guy with a bad attitude, in a stark and ironic contrast to his surroundings. He could be the Jack Bauer of the bakery, but instead our hero is silent and lifeless. Don’t be tempted by the great name and cool cover art; this is one to stay well away from. Ninjabread Man: 1/10

Face like a Yeti? Surely the whole point of growing a beard is not to trim it? You only have one beard. You may well ask who would buy such a gadget. The subtle solution lies in the way beards work. When fully shaven, the bristles grow back day after day. However, the longer the facial hair, the slower it grows. Beard-trimmers compromise by removing rogue long hairs - keeping a constant neat style, without enslaving the owner to daily shaving.

Because beards require less shaving, a beard-trimmer could save you money and liberate your student funds from a confusing array of razors. Be happy with that knowledge and you can spend 10 minutes extra every day, doing whatever you do. Phillips Beard Trimmer: 6/10 Anonymous

This issue, our reviews are directed solely at the guys. We aim to give you inspiration as to where to take your girlfriend for a romantic evening and ideas for a lad’s night out, ranging from stag-night-style nights in Hooters to watching ‘the game’ or enjoying a meal out with friends. So, if you are planning a big one with the boys or need to make up for forgetting Valentine’s Day, Impacts got your back……

wining and dining Saltwater

Shaw’s Restaurant

Le Mistral

Situated towards the top of the Cornerhouse Saltwater seems to be ideal date territory, in close proximity to the huge multi-screen cinema that resides on two of the floors. However, once seated, it is easy to forget that you are in a multi storey pseudo shopping mall and you might start believing that you were tucked away in the Lace Market. The décor is definitely towards the higher end of Nottingham dining, with the restaurant located towards the back of the establishment, with a lively bar serving delicious cocktails at the front. Despite the presence of a mini dance floor and often a DJ in the bar, dining is a surprisingly intimate experience and many of the tables afford great views over Nottingham, which can be appreciated further from the outside decking.

Shaw’s is a stylish establishment consisting of a café bar and a restaurant, both beautifully decorated to create a Mediterranean feel, with wicker furniture alongside dark wooden tables shrouded in candlelight. Such a restaurant creates the perfect ambience for a special romantic night. I was immediately struck by the warm welcome I received from the staff, throughout the night they remained pleasant and accommodating.

Tucked away on Wheeler Gate the enchanting Le Mistral has been a well kept secret for over four years. Le Mistral combines the features of romantic restaurant; vibrant bistro and sophisticated wine bar to form an intimate but relaxed dining experience that captures a classically romantic atmosphere day and night. The service is friendly and attentive and, in a typical European fashion, the layout of this brasserie focuses around the rustic bar.

I dined from the set menu (great value at around £15 for three courses depending on when you go) whilst my hot date, predictably, got free range of the á la carte menu. The set menu was a pleasant surprise, with the meals both delicious and filling although choice was slightly limited. If splashing the cash is within your reach then the á la carte menu is definitely worth it, with a wide range of meat, fish and vegetarian dishes, particularly some delectable steaks. The dessert menu carried some quintessential binging options, with a white and dark chocolate bread and butter pudding particularly catching the eye. However, the dishes are very filling so take your time over the conversation safe in the knowledge that there are far worse places to be having it than Saltwater. Rating: **** Corner house Nottingham NG1 4AA 01159242664 www.saltwater-restaurant.com

Alex Morrison

The meal began with haggis served with neeps and tatties and Drambuie cream, the result of the creativity of a proud Scottish chef. This dish was delicious and well presented. The menu is accessible yet imaginative. The main course was pan-seared Isle of Vist king scallops with pak choi and a soy dressing. This dish was light but full of flavour, with the soy dressing complimenting the delicate taste of the scallops. I finished with a chocolate pot, a small pot filled with a rich chocolate mousse infused with thick caramel. This dish was sensational. The prices are very reasonable considering the high quality of the dishes. The restaurant offers a large selection of reasonably priced wines to accompany the dishes. I would recommend Shaw’s to any couple searching for somewhere special to have a meal, as the restaurant offers delicious and creative dishes at an affordable price in a romantic setting. Shaw’s has various menus including a set dinner menu of two courses for £13.50 and three courses for £15.50. Diners can also choose from a tapas menu and a set lunch menu which offers two courses for £9.50.

The delicious food is reasonably priced considering its high quality and with ingredients sourced directly from the Rungis Market in Paris the authentic cuisine is a breath of fresh air in a world awash with poor imitation French eateries. The menu is complemented by daily specials, including at least three vegetarian options. For those desiring a lighter bite, snacks, fresh baguettes, salads and soups are served from 11am to 6pm. A speciality not to be missed, the boeuf bourguignon with garlic mash is particularly outstanding, complimented by the house red wine, Domaine de Lauroux. With a new twist on the Crème brulée, the temptation for desert is overwhelming. The amorous ambience is incorporated in the nature of the cooking, food platters are a particular favourite for sharing. Be sure to book ahead as this slice of French culture is understandably well sought after. Bon Appetite! Rating: ***** Catriona Nunn and John Aeron-Thomas

Rating: *****

Susan Wareham

20-22 Broad St Nottingham, NG1 3AL 0115 950 0009 www.shawsrestaurant.co.uk

2-3 Eldon Chambers Wheeler Gate Nottingham NG1 2NS 01159410401 www.lemistral.com

Men behaving badly – Lads’ nights out Hooters

Hicking Building Nottingham NG2 3AS 01159588111 www.hooters-uk.com

Our first taxi struck and almost killed a man. The second hit a speed bump too fast and popped a tyre. The third, however, with its leather seats, advanced crash-impact system and extremely careful driver, got us there in one piece, albeit a little late. Hooters is an American-run bar/restaurant that, with the sheer number of plasma TV screens strewn over the walls with non-stop sports, could be classified as a sports bar. Although sports and beer is not all that Hooters has on its menu. To work in the restaurant, applicants undergo a tough interview and various trials and tests. Inexperience, haste and arrogance will in no way earn you the coveted Hooters’ waitresses uniform, consisting of orange hotpants and a tight white top.

Led to our table by a smiley and very eagerto-please Vicky, we all started to feel a little bit bizarre. We felt like Americans. In fact, we began to start acting like Americans. Adam sat on his chair the wrong way round. Ed sat in silence for the duration of the meal puzzled by our suggestive, ironic statements, and James ordered too much food, super-sizing anything he could put in his body and digest. First up was a round of hot, delectable chicken wings. Much appreciated was the roll of kitchen paper found on each table, ideal for wiping our sticky fingers, each one coated with a thick residue of ‘special sauce’. Still peckish, we decided to bite off more than we could chew and munched up some bacon and cheese burgers to the sound of ‘happy birthday’ sung by a large group on the table next to us. Hooters is always dominated by an air of celebration, whether it be smut shouted by half-tight stag parties, or the nervous, expectant hum of waitress-ogling adolescents. Adam Partridge

Watching the game Fellows Morton and Clayton 54 Canal Street Nottingham NG1 7EH If you are prepared to make the effort, a trip to Fellows Morton and Clayton’s scenic location by the canal side is a worthwhile journey. Numerous bars, pubs and restaurants are located along the riverside so if one does not whet your appetite there are plenty of other options nearby. The pub manages to combine the advantageous features of three spacious rooms, with the atmosphere of a traditional pub. A giant plasma screen, a projector screen and other TVs dotted around make it impossible to escape the spellbound atmosphere that encompasses the pub during sports matches. Food-wise, the majority of choice is aimed towards carnivores and quite costly. Due to the popularity of this pub among local ale drinkers, it is advisory to arrive early in order to get a seat, especially on Forest/ County/ England match days. Catriona Nunn

The Grove Pub 273 Castle Blvd, Lenton Nottingham 01159410637

Indian Restaurant Reviews Savera

365 Derby Rd, Nottingham, NG7 2EB

If it’s simply the typical English take on Indian cuisine that you have a craving for, you can’t go far wrong with a trip to Savera, an intimate and reassuringly predictable curry house on Derby Road. Only ten minutes walk from campus, it’s cheap and cheerful, there are lots of familiar favourites on the menu (the chicken tikka masaala is everything it should be) and the service is great. The more cultured and well-travelled amongst you may find it lacking in authenticity, but with the average main course priced at around £6.95, you really can’t complain. Rating * * * Sallie May

Curry Lounge

110 Upper Parliament Street, The Old Co-Op Building, Nottingham, NG1 6LN

After a brief visit from Gordon Ramsay late last year, the Curry Lounge on Upper Parliament Street seems to have been transformed from a kitchen nightmare to a curry lover’s dream. The refreshingly modern interior makes a nice accompaniment to the very authentic Indian and Punjabi menu. Don’t panic if you don’t recognise many of the dishes on offer – they really are delicious and cater for everyone, with over a dozen vegetarian options available. Slightly pricier than average with most main courses costing you £9 or £10, this is still incredibly good value considering the chefs have managed five star establishments worldwide. You may start out on a budget, but once you’ve tasted your first course, money really won’t feel like much of an issue! Rating * * * * *

Sallie May

This local Lenton pub shows a wide selection of sports matches on screens viewable throughout. During the game you can enjoy wholesome pub food at a reasonable price and variety of different beers to get into the spirit of it Cape Bar 23 Victoria Street Nottingham NG1 2EW 01159413522 Cape is a sophisticated alternative to the average sports bar; replacing beer taps with rows of Veuve Clicquot, greasy chips with spicy wedges and rowdy louts with shinyshoed professionals. Recommended for those wishing to enjoy sport in peace and their food without a side order of grease. Susan Wareham

DEMO: DEMO is ‘Nottingham’s nicest night’ of proper progressive partying! Providing live

bands, infectious beats and general creative chaos with all money going to various social justice and environmental projects. 500p entry. Feb 22nd, March 14th, April 25th, 1st June. 51

MemSaab 12-14 Maid Marian Way, Nottingham, NG1 6HS

MemSaab is the Winner of the best Indian restaurant 2007 but is probably better known for the incident involving Chris Tarrent’s cutlery throwing that occurred there last year. The restaurant is extremely spacious accommodating for large, well-spaced tables, creating a feeling of grandeur. This is enhanced by the stylish décor- modern with a traditional Indian twist. If you’re looking to expand your experience of Indian cuisine from the usual korma you will not be disappointed. The menu at MemSaab offers a fusion of cooking styles from all regions of India. Each dish is defined by its main ingredient keeping the flavours crisp, distinctive and delicious. This is no typical curry house- the exceptional quality of the food and opulent surroundings make MemSaab Nottingham’s finest Indian dining experience. Rating: * * * * * Pippa Irvine

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Gordon Ramsay’s F Word is back and he wants you to take part! Do you fancy a cooking lesson from Gordon? Then we want to hear from YOU. Email fwordcooking@optomen.com Please include your name, a daytime contact number and a paragraph telling us why you deserve Gordon’s help.

Over 200 students are working for Impact so far this year.

Why aren’t you one of them? Check out www.impact.nottingham.com for meeting times

Juno goodies to give away Sixteen year old Juno MacGuff (Ellen Page) is a real complicated individual - offbeat and super smart, with a razor-sharp wit. Life gets a little complicated when a one-night stand with her awkward but surprisingly virile classmate Paulie Bleeker (Superbad’s Michael Cera) results in a most unwelcome pregnancy. Juno deals with some tough decisions, flirts with adulthood and – with the unstinting support of her family and friends – figures out where she belongs. Juno has been nominated for 3 Golden Globes, 2 BAFTAs and is a hot favourite for this year’s Oscars. To be in with your chance to win an Ipod Touch simply go to www.youtube.com/junomacguff and upload a video of yourself telling us your favourite buzzwords and lingo – the funnier and the more ridiculous the better (just not too rude).

If you’re not down with the lingo of the kids enough to enter the official youtube comp, we’ve got 3 Juno goodie bags to give to you lazy things which contains a hamburger phone (sexy!) , a Juno t-shirt and other super fun treats. TO ENTER PLEASE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING SUPER SIMPLE QUESTION: Juno was the Greek Goddess of what? a) Hamburger phones b) Smart-ass teenagers c) Fertility and womanhood

Win three green tomato energy saving kits

“It’s not easy being green” Kermit the Frog

Take control of your environment in 2008. More than one in five of us have made a new year’s resolution to be greener in 2008. At the same time, rising energy prices are once again putting the squeeze on household budgets. Luckily, greentomato has just the ticket – the greentomatokit, an energy saving kit for the home. The greentomatokit gives householders an instant green injection, reducing their impact on the environment and saving them money in the process. The kit is made up of carefully selected energy, water and waste-saving products, costs just £9.99 and will save people

Impact staff issue 188

Editor: Alice Hutton Deputy Editor: Jessica Elgot Managing Editior: Philip Morton Associate Managing Editor: James Sanderson Design Editor: Amy Bell Associate Editors: Ben Davies, Jen McDerra, Rob Barham Web Editor: Lawrence Duvall Online Editors: Peter Fejer, Steph Hartley Images Editors: Dee Durham Associate Design Editor: Philip Morton News Editors: Pippa Vaux, Heather Saxton, Emily Grosvenor-Taylor Sports Editors: Mark Lomas, Gemma Casey Associate Sports Editor: Steve Dew-Jones Travel Editors: Jennifer Lipman, Jessica Baron Fashion Editors: Mary-Anne Veit, Simone Konu Associate Fashion Editor: Rachel Banks Arts Editors: Bianca Leggett, Sarah Braybrooke Film Editors: Warren Tarling, Harry Kerr Music Editors: Sophie Pearce, Ian Steadman Science Editor: Natasher Beecher Nights Editors: Catriona Nunn, Philipa Irvine, Susan Wareham Media Manager: Nsikan Edung Publicity and Finance Manager: Priya Majeethia Publicity Officers: Joe Jackson, Robert Colley, Sophie Gargan, Tamara Miller

between £50 and £100 per year. On top of the monetary saving, each kit is estimated to save 400kg of CO2 a year, the equivalent of 17 car journeys from London to Bristol. The kit is available to buy on www.greentomato.org.

quotability

IMPACT HAS THREE KITS FOR THE GREEN GOODIE-TWO SHOES’ OUT THERE. TO ENTER PLEASE SEND US YOUR TOP ENERGY SAVING TIP…OR STEAL ONE OFF T’NET. Answers to all competitions should be sent to magazine@impactnott ingham.com including your name and contact details, or drop a postcard into the Impact Office with a friendly note.

contributors Andrew Gibson, Anna Vickery, Tom McKernan, Laurence Kane, Will Needham, Richard Byam-Cook, Stewart Bailey, Robert Evans, Tom Partridge, Adam Wood, Angus Duncan, Officer Cadet Gillum, Laura Bruin, Steph Morgan, David Betz-Heinemann, Dan Brenikov, Peter Tubman, Andrew Kaufman, Luke Sampson, Alexander Dolphin, Tom Cripps, Annie Savage- Pavitt, Emma Tarrant, Frankie Wood, Josie Ensor, Lottie Clifton, Harriet Curtis, Tom Brookes, Andrew Gallimore, Miles Angell, Marcus Wood, Daniel Sonabend, Cameron Rae, James Ballard, David Bell, Laura McGuinness, Ben Samuel, Alex Morrison, John Aeron- Thomas, Adam Partridge, Sallie May, Ryan Neal, Ed Gant, Ben P Griffin, Sixty Gelu, Camille Herreman, Sophie Stammers, Emily Conway, Lyn Petesch, Susannah Sconce, Frances Ryan, Craig Cox, Stephanie Constantine. Matthew Edwards Tom Main, Sam Hunt

‘Maths = Autism. Fact.’ ‘You work to the word count, you stupid c***s.’ ‘That added at least five hairs to my chest. Actually, one fell out.’ ‘Pippa’s grandma banged Walt Disney…yeah, she was a bit of a whore.’ ‘It’s not that good being a vicar’s son apart from when I’m on the pull and I say “The only one who could ever reach you is the son of a preacher man.” ‘Don’t penetrate if you want to graduate.’ ‘Man murdered on Radford Road. There’s got to be a joke in there somewhere.’ ‘It’s quite standard to go to a party as Harold Shipman.’ ‘It’s a megamix of seven paedophiles.’ ‘…and then I was chased out of the dogging car park.’ ‘Putting the fun into fundementalism.’ ‘SU ‘Drink and Drugs Day’? Sounds like my kind of day’. ‘Awareness day, Jess, awareness.’

photos, artwork & design Dee Durham, James Sanderson, Phil Morton, Amy Bell, Dan Brenikov, Meryl Day, Caroline Wijnbladh, Katie-Rose Matthews, Lord Perry et al.

apologies

To Anna Blocj and Adam Ingra for not crediting their Guatemala article in Travel last issue. We’re really fucking sorry, Gerald.

thanks

To Sam Wallington at gadgetshop.com for being the only efficient PR man on the face of the planet, the rest are depressingly hopeless. Dominique and Bushido for their generous cage fighting lessons. To our consultant designer, Lord Perry. To all our willing guinea pigs this issue.

advertising SU Marketing Team, Media Communications Tel: (0115) 846 8744 E-mail: sumarketing@nottingham.ac.uk

contact us Impact Magazine, Portland Building, University Park, University of Nottingham, Nottingham, NG7 2RD Tel: 0115 846 8716 magazine@impactnottingham.com editor@impactnottingham.com deputyeditor@impactnottingham.com features@impactnottingham.com designers@impactnottingham.com images@impactnottingham.com sports@impactnottingham.com fashion@impactnottingham.com nights@impactnottingham.com films@impactnottingham.com music@impactnottingham.com arts@impactnottingham.com news@impactnottingham.com science@impactnottingham.com travel@impactnottingham.com grapevine@impactnottingham.com

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in Impact are those of individual contributors and are not representative of the magazine, Students’ Union or University.

Famous Last Words The Tony Parsons Project In 2001 the man’s man spokesman of the ‘90’s, Tony Parsons, master hack of the men’s mags and famous for lines like “it is incredibly difficult to get shot of a woman once you have knobbed her”, performed a 180 exorcist twist and unleashed a wave of sentimentality with the release of his compassionate and sensitive novel ‘Man and Boy’ which sold 1.8 million copies worldwide. He has since written four more novels including ‘One for My Baby’. Impact’s Sam Hunt questioned Parsons on all things male and found him as erudite and cutting as ever. Father figures always shaped the lives of their sons but perhaps that is changing. My father was a big influence on how I carried myself – he still is, although he has been dead for 20 years – but they don’t really make them like my old man any more. He was a former Commando, a big war hero, a very tough man but also incredibly loving and gentle and kind with his family. Men these days are weaker, softer creatures and less worthy of admiration and emulation. Also, with the soaring divorce figures, fathers are often less of a meaningful presence in a child’s life. I didn’t see that much of my dad because he worked 6 days a week, but his presence still counted. I doubt if the absent dads of today could say the same thing. So, I try to be like my dad, and walk in his shoes, even though I know it is impossible. But I would love to be the kind of man and father that he was – tough but gentle, a provider and a protector – but he was a hero in every sense of the word, and I am not.

“Men these days are less worthy of admiration and emulation” I don’t think you can look to footballers to provide decent role models. There are exceptions, but they are mostly thickos on £60,000 a week – it is bound to get ugly, isn’t it? My father was my role model, and even in a time of peace and prosperity, I think young men should be looking towards their own flesh and blood to provide the way forward. My father never made any money, he left school at 14, and all the remarkable things he did were in the war, and he was wounded and out of that before he was out of his teens; but I feel that his memory sustains me in a way that no celebrity I ever met ever could.

I think men are capable of completely detaching sexual intimacy from emotional intimacy – totally. Women seem less able to do that, which is a good thing, because otherwise we would all be shagging in the bushes with strangers all day long. I think the reason for the mass breakdown in relationships is because we all have more options than we had in the past. We all get to travel more, we all get to realize that there are a lot of fabulous people in the world- we all get placed in the way of temptation. I don’t think there’s anything too tragic about most relationships that end – most relationships go on too long rather than end too soon. But it is the children of failed relationships that suffer; always, always, always. For the man and woman involved, it is usually like being let out of a high-security prison.

“At your age you should be sleeping with as many people as possible”

“Of course you are emontionally naive in your early ‘20s - that’s your job. You should have seen me - I was a dribbling, raving lunatic” Of course you are emotionally naïve in your early 20s – that’s your job. You should have seen me in my early ‘20s – I was a dribbling, raving lunatic. At your age you should be sleeping with as many women as possible; you need to break hearts and to have your heart broken and to experience a huge variety of partners. That’s how you find the right one, and make it work, and give your children happy roles models that they can love and emulate. When I was in my early ‘20s I had an older girlfriend – she was in her late ‘20s, and married, and she taught me more about life and love and sex than I ever learned in school. It is great to be in your early ‘20s and the only drawback is you don’t know how young you are and how far you have to go. But now I am starting to sound like someone’s bloody father. Sam Hunt

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