of the Trent Building Student Occupation Queerness, Religion and Authenticity: A Letter to my Younger Self

Queerness, Religion and Authenticity...

...a letter to my younger self

Dear Mini-me...

I know what it’s like, to feel trapped within a heavily conservative and religious space, especially when you’ve begun to question everything about yourself and society. I know you cry most days, feeling like a sinner for imagining a future where you get to express yourself truly, for straying from the put-together, Christian girl that everyone expects you to be.

You have always been a restless and creative soul. I want you to know that, although you constantly get put down for this, these traits have given you the strength to express yourself as a confident and queer individual. An individual who chooses everyday to surround themselves with an affirming community and to live authentically.

You probably have so many questions, like where I live since I chose to come out and accept the estrangement from my family. Well, it’s a funny story, because we never actually came out. At least, not in the way that we grew up watching white people come out on the internet.

It sounds strange saying we haven’t come out when I’m publicly declaring that I’m queer, but one thing we’ve learnt through queer and post-colonial theory is understanding there is no need to explicitly share your queerness with anyone. The concept of coming out has never fully included the experiences of people from different ethno-racial and cultural backgrounds. We have chosen to share our true and vulnerable selves with the communities through which we have been empowered and liberated.

You’re probably shocked to hear me mention communities, as I remember us being in a space where we couldn’t imagine finding anyone else going through the exact same sexuality and gender crisis as us. But there are so many people out there creating spaces for us to freely express ourselves, and I can’t wait for you to finally begin that journey. I won’t lie to you and say that we have fully discovered who we are, but I can say that we have accepted that it’s a life-long journey and all you need is to give yourself the love and space required to explore all that you’re currently feeling. Oh, and get rid of that religious guilt, because you are fully valid and loved exactly as you are.

I want to let you know that it is okay to open yourself up to a world that seems so far away from yours right now. For years, we’ve felt limited by patriarchal expectations of gender performance and sexuality. The need to present as feminine even though we were constantly masculinised for being a tall and fat, darkskinned girl. The need to seek male validation in order to build a sense of confidence and beauty, even when the Western standard of beauty was never created to include people like us. The need to hide away and limit our outwardly different expression of self. Although these struggles still exist, even in a world where we’ve accepted our queerness, the pain they bring feels like nothing compared to the joy of finally being free.

We have found so much love within the different queer communities we have encountered. From the ballroom scene to the more political, activist scene, we have left feeling stronger and more affirmed in our identity. We encounter so much difficulty as our life continues, things that seem like they are going to break us mentally and physically. But I hope you find peace knowing that I’m still here fighting for a future in which we get to truly experience joy, especially queer joy.

So, from this pansexual genderqueer self to another, I hope you know that you deserve to come into every space, unapologetically, and as your truest self.

By IO

Photography by Rian Patel Page design by Gemma Cockrell