The Stunning Sage Cox

WORDS by ALEXANDRA RYDLEWSKI

ART by HELEN LE

Necklace.

Throughout my youth I’ve been gifted different types of jewelry, all containing the Evil Eye. My mom once said that the Evil Eye is a symbol to prevent misfortune from entering my life. Wearing the deep blue Eye is meant to mirror evil pointed toward me, to protect me from anything bad that would inevitably come my way. But she’s gone, it’s just a necklace, and I have never been superstitious enough to believe in that crap.

Beauty. Her whole life, people have called Sage beautiful. And although she has no particularly striking features, her overall image is undoubtably attractive. Sage is a simple kind of beautiful. Shiny dark brown hair with only a slight wave to it. Dark green eyes that appear chocolate in harsher lights and lie slightly far apart, but not too much. A pretty smile—nothing too overbearing—exposes a pointed chin on a diamond shaped face.

Eyebrows that are always slightly raised, as if her expression is constantly one of wonder. And a pinched nose, with just enough personality to be widely appreciated. She has always reminded me so much of her mother.

Eighteen.

Finally, the age of opportunity. I’ve always been called pretty by those around me. In grade school my teachers told me how cute I was and that was why the boys would tease me. They told me I was special and that I would one day turn heads and become a star. At eleven, I remember being told how much of a heartbreaker I would be when I grow up. Walking through the mall I had always felt eyes on me like I was a model on a runway, but didn’t we all? My aunt Stana encouraged me to practice my autograph for the day I became a famous actress. So, my books were filled with scribbles of my initials and kisses with red lipstick, since that was a better use of the paper anyway. Being eighteen means I can finally leave this town to pursue my destiny.

Stasis. There is nothing inherently bad about Edenburrow. The people are nice, or at least they have always been nice to people like Sage. But the streets are narrow, lined with Columnar trees: they grow straight up, as if they are afraid to branch out, or that’s what the town’s Green Team likes to say. They also love to talk about the grand fountain that sits in the centre of the town. Apparently it has been cycling the same water through it since the moment it was built. Kind of gross if you ask me. Someone with such beauty and potential should not be trapped in a stagnant town like Edenburrow. Sage is destined for a grander life full of fame and wealth, and I will make sure she gets it, for her sake and mine. Just because nothing is bad about a place doesn’t mean we should stay here. I never understood why my sister decided to stay when she had a world of opportunity in front of her. But I wouldn’t let Sage make the same mistake. I won’t.

When my mom died, my aunt took me in, since my father never lived up to should know him well enough since I’ve lived with him my whole life, yet my this man is vague at best. I don’t blame him for hating me. Losing your wife be unbearable. I can only imagine what it must be like to look at a spitting image of the love of his life, whose unhappiness forced her to leave us behind, every time he glances in my direction. So, whenever I’ve needed her, Stana has encouraged my dream of becoming an actress. She even landed me my first audition with the people she said my mom used to work with. Cox.

Once she turned eighteen, the appeal of Sage’s name alone was enough for the casting agency to hold a private audition for her. As her mother pursued a similar career, the agency jumped at the opportunity to get another Cox in the business. It is important that Sage is prepared for this opportunity, so I told her to come dressed in a fitted white tee, a classy pair of heels and any skirt she felt comfortable in. Now is her impress the judges and finally pursue the career I have prepared her for

Audition.

This is it: a chance to make something of myself and get out of this small town. As I arrived at the small studio outside of Edenburrow, I could feel a ball of nerves in my stomach growing larger like elastic bands. I opened the heavy door of the studio and my glance immediately to my fiddling fingers, and nothing but the blurred ground behind them. Taking small steps into the hall, I made my way to the single chair outside the audition room. The heat of my pumping blood began to radiate outward once I realized I’d forgotten the monologue I’d been reciting to myself for as long as I can remember. Stana told me I didn’t need to have anything prepared, but those words made me feel safe: maybe they were my Evil Eye. Amid my worry, I felt a hand lay gently onto my shoulder, and I looked up to find Stana staring at me with a vivid smile.

“Stana, thank God you’re here. I’m freaking out! I have this feeling in my stomach like I’m going to throw up and my hands are starting to sweat and—”

“Yeah?

“Listen to me. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry about what you are going to say. I have always told you: you’re a star. One look at you and they will see that.”

“But I’m nervous. What if they don’t like me?”

“Oh darling, trust me, those aren’t nerves.”

“They’re not?”

“No, silly. That is excitement. It is the rush of finally being who you’re meant to be. They will love you.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so. Just remember, hon, this is going to happen for you. You just have to say ‘yes’. ‘Yes’ and your dreams of leaving this place behind will be gone.” I felt the heat in my body begin to fade to a subtle warmth, and I could finally feel my fingers again.

I could see the rouge in Sage’s cheeks begin to disappear as I held her hands tightly in mine.

“Sage Cox!”

I took a deep, shaky breath in attempt to steady myself, and I began toward the audition room. As I walked in, I could see three men sitting at the table at the end of the room.

The heels of Sage’s shoes began to click on the wooden floors, calling the attention of the three men behind the table. Their heads shot up and their eyes followed every inch of Sage’s being across the floor until she reached the centre of the room. Once I reached the centre of the room, I met the deep blue eyes of one of the men.

“Please, say your name for us.” “Sage Cox.”

“Excellent name.”

I could see the man’s smirk to his cohorts from across the room. He sent one to me as well.

“Alright, now give us a slow walk around the room.” I hesitated at first, but remembering Stana’s advice, I began to follow each of his instructions.

“Give us face. Worry, joy, greed, want…”

She’s doing so well.

“Excellent. She looks good on camera too.”

“Oh, I know. She always has.”

“Alright, finished. Thank you for coming, Miss Cox. Please, wait in the hall. Stana, come here. We have much to discuss.” I could barely feel myself leave the room. It felt as if I floated to the safety of that chair just outside while I waited for the news. They asked Stana to stay back, and I could only imagine they were discussing my future. I had no idea what acting auditions for talent agencies were like. I hope they liked me. The smiles on their faces— Stana’s included— told me they did. As I sat there waiting, the knot in my stomach seemed to vanish, as did the rest feeling in my body.

“Good news Sage!”

“Really?! Don’t lie to me, Stana.”

“I would never lie. Sage, this is it. They want to hire you. You just have to go in there, sign a few forms and your future in the industry is set.”

She did it. I did it. We are set for life.

Star.

…

I may not have the traditional household name I imagined, but I am a star. Adult films are not necessarily what I had in mind, but fame is fame. A name like Cox is meant for this industry, or at least that’s what Stana told me. They title my films with the keywords “Stunning Sage Cox.” They say I’ll be easier to search that way. Being called pretty my whole life, I knew I was destined for something extraordinary. I guess this is it. As the cool touch of the leather bed on my back snaps me into my reality, I recall the monologue I had once forgotten.

I have never felt beautiful.

I’ve been handed evil eyes my entire life, as if they are supposed to protect me against misfortune.

Empty compliments are my evil eye. And I’ve carried them with me everywhere.

I’ve spent countless hours staring at my reflection, trying to see what everyone has been telling me my whole life.

Perhaps I am vain, perhaps my evil eye does not work.

But like everyone else, a mirror only shows you what is on the surface, and I have never felt beautiful. x my mind races, jumping from one thought to another. all of them about you. the color of your eyes, the slight shade of pink on your cheeks, the way you looked at me that one october morning. you were so subtle, yet so brazen. it hurts me how far away you are. i seek you like ancient travelers seek fables of old, crazy in their beliefs about treasure as golden as you. you walk so calm and unbothered, without care or worry. i wonder who is the lucky one who occupies your mind and soul, and whether it will ever be me.