India Currents August 2017 Digital Edition by Nirupama Vaidhyanathan

The 4-Photo Wedding Album By Shumit DasGupta

Summer Cookout Recipes By Shanta Sacharoff

Motherhood, Sequence and Success By Jaya Padmanabhan

INDIA CURRENTS BIG

FAT august 2017 • vol. 31 , no. 5 • indiacurrents.com• $3.95

East Meets West: Traditions, Tamasha and Tales to Last a Lifetime By Maya Murthy

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2 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition |August 2017

Of Weddings and A Milestone Birthday

his month we celebrate the seventieth birthday of Indian Independence by saluting the flag of saffron, white and green. A generation who sacrificed their lives for freedom is no more. Newspaper articles and scratchy documentary reels remain. In these historical accounts, one story was missed; a story that always brought a tear to my eye and that was the story of Vellai Patti. My grandfather, a freedom fighter, was brought up in a village in Tamil Nadu by his parents and his aunt, a widow whom he called Vellai Patti, because she wore white. Childless and widowed at a young age she doted on her nephew, taking enormous pride in his achievements telling him often—“there is only one thing I need from you when you are older—to light my funeral pyre.” At eighteen, he quit college to join the freedom struggle. When she lay on her deathbed, he came on parole from jail. She recovered then and he left, never to see her alive again. When she finally died, he was refused parole. To him, it was a supreme personal sacrifice. I speak of this story, not because it was remarkable but, because it was unremarkable. Across India, ordinary lives and families were changed forever in that fight—a nonviolent struggle that, to this day, remains a beacon to the world. As August rolls around, I wonder about all the unremarkable stories that will never make their way into history textbooks. Like that of my grandfather and Vellai Patti.

e walk the line of hyphenation between being Indian and American in our celebrations. Soon after Navarathri and Diwali, we make plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas, splitting celebrations perfectly down the middle. But if there is one kind of celebration where we let our Indian side take over, it’s in the way we conduct weddings. Indian hospitality or virundhombal in Tamizh is that social and cultural grace, the acquisition of which we pride ourselves in. Along with outsized Indian hospitality is a nostalgic remembrance of weddings we once attended. These sentiments mix together as Indian-Americans strive to offer guests the “best” wedding experience ever! The guest list is long, the number of ceremonies cannot fit into one invite,

and then there are the clothes and tasteful decorations! And let’s spare a thought to the bride and groom who are tying their destinies together amidst this ritzy glamor! As one enters the wedding arena and takes in the mandap with priest in attendance, we quickly conclude that everything is perfect—as it was in India, we sigh in appreciation. If an anthropologist were in attendance however, he or she will be quick to point out that everything is definitely not “just as it was in India.” On display is an interesting amalgam of East and West. This month, we unveil our themed issue which boasts of many articles on the Big Fat Indian Wedding! In our cover story, Maya Murthy profiles couples who share how they combined Indian and American wedding traditions into a seamless whole. Vijay Rajvaidya argues that Sanskrit chants need to be brought out of that “black box” of hazy understanding in which they reside. Shumit DasGupta is the proud owner of the 4-photo wedding album, and shares about how that came to be—a must-read! Need

a song list for wedding festivities? Look no further than Priya Das’s music column. Geetika Pathania-Jain turns her gaze towards reel-llfe and real-life weddings while Jaya Padmanabhan looks to social science research to examine the advantages of getting hitched. The generational divide cracks wide open between immigrant parent and child when talk about marriage begins, says Kalpana Mohan. Saroja Viswanathan looks at how widows are treated during marriage rituals and Ranjani Rao reminiscences about her second marriage. A Top 10 list of shaadi movies is compiled by Aniruddh Chawda. A myriad ways to celebrate weddings and to honor a milestone birthday! n

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INDIA CURRENTS August 2017 • vol 31 • no 5

3 | EDITORIAL Of Weddings and a Milestone Birthday By Nirupama Vaidhyanathan

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THE WEDDING ISSUE

8 | PERSPECTIVE The 4-Photo Wedding Album By Shumit DasGupta

50 | RECIPES Summer Cookouts and Picnics By Shanta Sacharoff 72 | HEALTHY LIFE Thinking Away Chronic Pain By Vijay Gupta

22 | DESI LENS Marriage Matters By Kalpana Mohan

30 | COMMENTARY Should Only Sumangalis Be Involved in Weddings? By Saroja Viswanathan

28 |RELATIONSHIP DIVA Five Things To Tell Yourself If He Doesn't Call By Jasbina Ahluwalia 38 | BOOKS Review of The Money Talk By Monal Pathak

10| NOW AND THEN Motherhood, Sequence and Success By Jaya Padmanabhan

26 | COMMENTARY Demystifying a Hindu Wedding By Vijay Rajvaidya

LIFESTYLE

76 |DEAR DOCTOR Pity, Sympathy or Compassion: How to Help By Alzak Amlani

12 | The Big Fat Indian Wedding East Meets West: Traditions, Tamasha and Tales to Last a Lifetime

43 | FILMS Top 10 Shaadi Films of All Time By Aniruddh Chawda 54 | MUSIC BollyWedd is the Mantra By Priya Das 78 | LAST WORD Are Indian Weddings Too Ostentatious? By Sarita Sarvate

4 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition |August 2017

By Maya Murthy

18 | Feature Reel Life and Real Life Weddings By Geetika Pathania Jain

DEPARTMENTS

34 | Viewpoint Choosing to Marry Again By Ranjani Rao

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letters to the editor Bias and Prejudice on Display

This is in response to Kalpana Mohan’s article describing her difficulties with a firsttime immigrant neighbor whose ideas about yard maintenance differ from hers. (On the Fence, July 2017). We are informed that in Ms. Mohan’s India, civic sense outside one’s home matters less than cleanliness inside. “Anna” the implied Caucasian whose yard is the last word in botanical beauty is “increasingly anxious about how to deal with new neighbors who bring different values.” Now wait for this gem: “But even in India, I rarely saw such an unkempt home.” Even in India? When I returned to the Bay Area recently after a two-year sojourn in India, I left a place where “no plastic” actually meant no plastic, not the “no free plastic, but you can buy a bag for 10 cents,” variety, a place where vermi-composting had become mandatory for communities larger than 20 homes, a place where rainwater-harvesting is compulsory, a place where neighbors plant lemongrass to naturally keep away mosquitoes, a place where everyone is talking terrace-gardening, a place where nearly every home has either a jasmine, plumeria, basil, or hibiscus bush (all native, low-maintenance, and low-irrigation plants). Ms.Mohan, on the fence you’re definitely not, you’re squarely on the side of bias and prejudice. Gayathri Chakravarthy, Cupertino

No Clear Purpose

I have never written to an editor but the sheer irrelevance and pathetic writing by Kalpana Mohan has compelled me to write. (On the Fence, July 2017). What is the point of this article? Who is she fooling by saying—“lets call them the Chens,” and the person who takes care of the yard “Anna.” She draws a comparison between her husband taking care of the yard while she needs to be in India for her ailing father and the Chens neglecting theirs while they take care of an ailing parent. Really? The article has no clear message or purpose unless it is to diss the Chinese and suck up to the whites. F Lastameur, email

Where Dark Skin is Praised

I have been a reader of your magazine

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for decades and I read the cover story by Pavani Kaushik, (The Fair and the Unfair, July 2017), and found it to be well begun, but half done. Yes, the points she makes about Ravi Varma paintings and Amar Chitra Kathas are true—I wrote a letter as a young girl to ACK on this very issue as I knew from shlokas that Parvati is dark-skinned not light, while Shiva is light skinned not dark. The very cover image of that ACK (Shiva Parvati) is misleading as is the rest of the comic. That said, the other part of how Indian literature, shlokas and other art glorify dark skin is totally missing from the article—the “un fair” part is missing. I hope we are enlightened enough to stop perpetrating stereotypes and bring out the other aspect where dark skin is praised. Case in point— Shyamala Dandakam by Kalidasa, one of the most beautiful shlokas to the “dark skinned” one (Shyamala) describing Devi’s skin as maragatha shyama (emerald-like darkness). Finally, as much as I was exposed to ACK and Ravi Varma art in our puja room, I was also introduced to exquisite mural paintings made by anonymous artists in the caves of Ajantha and on the inside of the Thanjavur big temple’s gopuram as a child. Here, the traditional art clearly shows women with all tones of skin color. I was thrilled to find my skin tone in their milieu. This extends to Kalamkari art where darker browns are as common as lighter tones. How do I know all of this?—Both my sister and I are dark skinned and when we had to face our share of racial sidelining (she, overlooked from playing an angel in a Christmas play and I, from being a “flower girl” for the visit of M.G. Ramachandran to our school’s annual day function) based on our skin tone, our mother was our avenging angel who took up the matter with the teacher and the principal and she was ready to pull us out of school! Not only did our roles get “upgraded” roles after her call, we were taught about the beautiful women in Indian literature and made to feel proud of being hued like the goddess. I think, having a wise mother makes up for how a girl’s or boy’s idea of self is established from a young age. Finally, in my tenth grade Biology textbook, skin color was demystified when we learned about quantitative (polygenic) inheritance and I was thrilled to know that I had more “genes” that made melanin than my “weaker” brother (as siblings

go, I absolutely had to find every way to beat him!) who had inherited fewer of those dominant genes making him lighterskinned. Meenakshi Srinivasan, San Jose

Chromolithographs, Not Lithographs Raja Ravi Varma never created any lithographs. His paintings were reproduced resulting in reproductions, not lithographs. The use of the term lithographs is being used, with or without intent to mask what was nothing more than reproductions. Chromolithography became the most successful of several methods of color printing developed by the 19th century. The initial technique involved the use of multiple lithographic stones, one for each color, and was still extremely expensive when done for the best quality results. Depending on the number of colors present, a chromolithograph could take months to produce when done by skilled workers. However much cheaper prints could be produced by simplifying both the number of colors used, and the refinement of the detail in the image. Cheaper images relied heavily on an initial black print (not always a lithograph), on which colors were then overprinted. To make an expensive reproduction print as what was once referred to as a “chromo,” a lithographer, with a finished painting in front of him, gradually created and corrected the many stones using proofs to look as much as possible like the painting in front of him, sometimes using dozens of layers. In other words, those “very skilled workers” are chromists (someone who copies another’s work) who reproduced with their fingers Raja Ravi Varma’s paintings resulting in chromist-made reproductions, not lithographs. Gary Arseneau, creator of original lithographs, Florida

Have a thought or opinion to share? Send us an original letter of up to 300 words, and include your name, address, and phone number. Letters are edited for clarity and brevity. letters@indiacurrents.com

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perspective

By Shumit DasGupta

e have the shortest wedding photo album, with 4 photos. It’s in stark contrast to my brother’s album. He had a “proper” Indian wedding—it lasted three days, I saw cousins I hadn’t seen in 18 years; I still have all the outfits. Speeches were given, and we made sure to do it both American and Indian. It was tweeted and facebooked and placed under clear plastic, pinned and preserved to familial history. Much food and drink was eaten, and the occasion was celebrated lavishly, all relatives involved. Our wedding album is four pictures. They go like this: 1. Clock on the dashboard of our car—it reads 2:13 2. Our ticket at City Hall- like the one you get waiting in line at the deli. We were number B-223. 3. A selfie of all of us on the steps of city hall—baby included—kinda smiling? 4. Clock on the dashboard on the way out: 2:52 I’m sure you have questions. The first answer is that I met my wife at a California farm party—I was playing music there, winding out a semiprofessional non-paying music career. She was taking a break from a “Lord, I need an MBA so I can quit low-paying jobs,” graduate program. She was being snarky to some clueless boy who didn’t know

8 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition |August 2017

science, and I was a science teacher in my day job. I gravitated towards that brand of humor—playfully sarcastic, yet scientifically accurate—like a moth. We liked each other immediately, and we met up again after that. And after that. The second answer is that we weren’t careful—it was supposed to be a medical impossibility for her to have children. Both her fallopian tubes were blocked, and she had an ectopic pregnancy in her early twenties which didn’t nearly kill her—she was actually pronounced dead in the emergency room for a few minutes. Obviously, it didn’t stick. By our best guess, she was pregnant

We didn’t intend to buck Indian tradition, we just had to. We were in a unique situation, and we made the best of it. about a month in after we met. We had a baby daughter. I got laid off from my job four days after she was born, and my wife got laid off three months later. We were suddenly broke, on food stamps, unemployed, and—thanks to my wife’s savvy and previous life experience—on the generous health plan for broke parents who

have an infant in San Francisco. We made do. Looked for jobs. She got one, and one morning, we realized we had some free time, or at least as much as one has with a baby. I still needed health insurance. “Should we do it?” she asked. The third answer is that she meant “get married.” We had time that day, and we really needed to have me on her health benefits—we were going back and forth about who had the job, who stayed with the baby, all that fun stuff, and this was an opportunity for some stability, which was clearly lacking in our lives at that point. And so we did. We packed the kid in the car, set off for City Hall, and were in and out in less than an hour. 2:13-2:52, as the evidence indicates. Here’s the thing, though—we still had a wedding party about a month later. We paid 30 bucks to rent a picnic table in the park. We told our friends and family to show up, and bring a potluck dish. Everyone did. People from all over the country came out on fairly short notice, and did it well—home-brewed kegs of beer were made, people painted frisbees to celebrate the occasion, and a friend of mine came out and displayed his juggling skills. My parents came a week early and dressed Lael up in proper “Indian Bride” attire, and they hung with their grandkid on a beautiful summer day. The cake—which cost 20 bucks—was awesome, and was in-

scribed with the Midwest affirmative “You Betcha!” which is how Lael responded to the “lawful wedded wife” question at the courthouse, playfully mocking the other cross-cultural marriage aspect, as she was Hippie West Coast, and I staunchly PorkPacking Midwest. I don’t know that I would suggest this approach to marriage—we didn’t intend to buck Indian tradition, or any marriage tradition really, we just had to. We were in a unique situation, and we made the best of it. To be totally transparent—this is the wedding issue after all—I was asked to talk about the challenges of a multicultural marriage. I suppose we do have a few strange aspects, being a family of mixed heritage, but that’s how I grew up in the first place, my mom being English, and me being culturally “Michigander” more than anything else. On Lael’s end, she can’t really pin down her ethnic background for complicated reasons, although we suspect mostly German. Frankly, the financial crisis that we endured—while barely knowing each otherwas much more challenging than any sort

of fussing about cultural differences. It certainly helped when we went back to normal employment, and—the best part— finances. My wife is more Indian than me in many respects. You see, my dad felt compelled to spend as much on our wedding as he did my brother’s—so he wrote a check. She banked it, at a time where I was inclined to break out all available resources. Years later, we went ahead and made use of a down-payment assistance program for first time home buyers. Great program—and you would need the forethought to have at least a few percent of that down payment available, say maybe about the size of a bill on a typical Indian wedding? We are far from rich. I work in education, and my wife works in the nonprofit sector. I’m certainly not the financially conservative, tech-savvy desi on an H2B visa, shoring up the servers at Google (not that that’s a bad thing). But we qualified, did the mounds of paperwork, got lucky, and now own a home in the most competitive real estate market in the country. We are doing OK—well, more than OK,

really. Which I did not predict, given the circumstances in which we started. I’m not sure what the take-away here is, or even if there needs to be one. All I can say is that after the kid, after the ceremony—we still had no idea what marriage was all about. You can’t tell what’s going to happen, whether you plan it or not. It has certainly been very tough at times—I think I can speak for all married couples on that point, now that we have some years in. Still, the wedding day is not a harbinger of the future, or some crazy predictive omen of things to come—it is, at the end of the (very tiring) day (or three), just another day. If we are any indication, you can defy tradition if you need to, and things can still turn out OK, even if you were told not to expect that if you deviated from the script. There is only one way to write new scripts. And that only comes after the wedding! n Shumit DasGupta is a science education professional, sideline writer, husband and father. His work has appeared on KQED, bicycling magazines, and independent publishing festivals. He lives with his family in San Francisco.

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now and then

Motherhood, Sequence and Success

By Jaya Padmanabhan

ave you heard of the success sequence? Even if you haven’t, you might have unwittingly been adhering to the sequence. It’s a social rationalization theory given new life by a study published in the American Enterprise Institute and Institute for Family Studies by W. Bradford Wilcox and Wendy Wang recently. The research shows that those who follow a particular sequence in life are primed for success. That is, those who get at least a high school degree, find a job, get married, and then have children, in that order, are less likely to be poor. The study shows that 97% of millennials, ages 28 to 34 years, who followed the success sequence are realizing their financial aspirations. A good 53% of millennials who did not follow this sequence at all (found a job before graduating high school and had kids before marriage) are in poverty. Isn’t this sequence exactly what we desi parents preach to our kids as they grow into adulthood? In fact, we take it even further with a fair amount of finger calisthenics. No stopping at high school; it’s at least a college degree, a good job, marriage, and kids in that order. The fact that our desi cultural mores are being validated and labeled “successful” will probably put off subsequent generations with the need to rebel against the word success itself. We can already see a shift in millennial attitudes as 55% of millennials are having kids before marriage according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. And you can bet your desi heart that there are Indian Americans in this category. So how do we handle our kids choosing to have children outside of marriage, whether they fulfilled the other requirements for success or not. A Reddit user asked part of that question a few years ago. “Do you know anyone who had a child before marriage and, if so, how did their family react?” asked “closetpartygirl” and received 51 responses, most advancing second-hand experiences with offthe-cuff opinions. “I have a co-worker who is an Indian single mom and her family disowned her,” said one, affirming the classic cliché. In another post, a woman was five months pregnant before she told her parents about the pregnancy and her upcoming nuptials. The woman’s parents, according to the post, “completely pretended she wasn’t pregnant the whole wedding.” And, of course, there are always those who rise above common patterns of behavior: A 23-year-old unemployed desi guy, still in college, had a baby with his undocumented girlfriend, and both are on welfare, read one entry relating a friend’s experience. “The parents were supportive of the baby and offered to take the baby for 1-2 years while the couple got their shit together.” These are not surprising attitudes and made me consider how I would react. I believe if one of my children decided to stop studying in order to have a baby, with or without marriage, it would bother me no end. It’s well-documented that young people display a reluctance 10 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition |August 2017

to think of the long-term impact of decisions they take. The economic, physical and emotional costs of rearing a child are taxing, and without an adequate education, with career options limited, that tax is going to seem like an unsurmountable burden. The cost of raising a child from birth to eighteen, according to a 2015 US Department of Agriculture study, is $233,610. And that’s if you’re choosing public schools and colleges for your child. So, it makes sense to be readily employable with at least an undergraduate degree. Wang and Wilcox also concluded that those millennials who finish at least a high school degree and then find a job, but opt out of marriage or choose marriage but no kids are also not doing very shabbily, with 92% of this group being financially stable.

Isn’t the success sequence exactly what we desi parents preach to our kids as they grow into adulthood? In fact, we take it even further with a fair amount of finger calisthenics. Studies like these are pure guff. Well, duh, those who don’t have kids have significantly fewer expenses. Certainly, there are imperatives to not have children. There’s the economic toll, there’s the noble rationale to spare the overpopulated environment, there’s the commitment to embrace a lifetime of zen, there’s the predilection of career over family, and so it goes. But there are also compelling emotional and psychological reasons to have kids. Being a mother is a high-wire performance. Falling off the rope is always only a step away, but you learn to stick the landing and climb right back on. Motherhood taught me to carry on even though I was marrow-deep in exhaustion; to get over my squeamishness with upchucks, down-chucks and projectile chucks; to take one breath at a time when confronted with irrational tantrums and arguments; to realize that overwhelming love is one part sentiment, one part fear and mostly worry; and it helped me reacquaint myself with literature, math, philosophy and religion with a great deal more interest. Each person works with whatever seems most plausible and possible at the time. But it’s important, I suppose, to keep the framing in mind. To the next generation, I say, have children, don’t have children, but finish that college degree, feel that zephyr of independence with a monthly paycheck before surrendering to the forces of connubial bliss and human propagation. n Jaya Padmanabhan was the editor of India Currents from 2012-16. She is the author of the collection of short stories, Transactions of Belonging.

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 11

The BIG FAT

East Meets West: Traditions, By Maya

Wedding of Neha Mathew and Shalin Shah

Shilpi Verma and Maneesh Singh Photo Credit: Matei Horvath Photography

Niki Desai and Tushar Kumar Photo Credit: Joel Maus, Studio EMP

Anu Oza and Maneesh Verma Photo Credit: Alec Vanderboom

Philip James Frost and Arun Rangaswami 12 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition |August 2017

Anu Oza and Maneesh Sharma Photo Credit: Alec Vanderboom

Indian Wedding

Tamasha and Tales to Last a Lifetime Murthy

t its core, a wedding is about nothing more than two people deciding that they want to spend the rest of their lives together—that they want to wake up and make breakfast, pick out furniture and take a walk after dinner until death do them apart. There’s a predictable path most Indian-American couples take. They meet, whether by chance introduction or online. They spend time with each other, trying to imagine a life together. A surprise proposal is planned—a wedding tradition not associated with Indian weddings but eagerly adopted by couples who are finding each other outside the arrangements of their parents. And after some time, whether it be months or years, they marry. And the wedding day that celebrates this union is celebrated with great fanfare. Part of the immigrant experience is the inevitable combination of traditions; a reality that can give families anxiety as they watch their children choose what they will keep and discard. Wedding traditions are no different—the hyphenated identity is on full display during the celebrations. The bride walks down the aisle with bridesmaids—she walks up to the mandap— and if it is a Hindu ceremony, there is a fire around which the

bride and groom sit while the priest begins the rituals. And, then, in a nod to Western culture, they exchange vows in English, and end up exchanging rings too sometimes. Right there in the space of two to three hours you have two wedding traditions rolled into one. There are portions our great grandparents would have recognized, and parts they may not. Take apart the grand, long ceremonies we know so well and we find at the core, every wedding tradition has a few vows exchanged in solemnity between the couple with families in attendance. Many choose to keep the old traditions with just a few tweaks, while others create their own rituals, only including the few traditions they find personally meaningful. In this story, we include the stories of four modern South Asian couples that represent the intersections between groups, be they religious, sexuality, regional, or ethnic. As we continue to live, work and marry away from the places our parents come from, these marriages are proof of our infinite possibilities—concepts of tradition and modernity are nothing more than labels we choose to stamp on ourselves. n

Shilpi Verma Weds Maneesh Singh

ithout knowing, Shilpi and Maneesh had been circling each other peripherally for years before their first meeting at a bar in New York, a city where neither of them lived and which they happened to be visiting. “Within ten minutes of our conversation we realized that our younger brothers were actually best friends,” Shilpi said. “We met without knowing that connection, but that made our meeting surreal.” Beyond the happy coincidence, each of them knew early on in that first conversation that the other was someone special. They quickly took a selfie to send to their brothers and made plans to meet again. For the next few months, separated by a continent, the couple resorted to technology to keep in touch. “Even before I moved to San Francisco, things felt effortless,” Maneesh said. “We had to put a lot of time into the logistics of visiting each other but making it work didn’t feel like too much of an effort.” Unlike the ease of their relationship, Maneesh’s proposal was complicated, full of everything he knew was important to his future fiancee. Her brother helped Maneesh draft an invitation to a fake medical event held at a space Maneesh rented out. A few colleagues from work came to make the event more believable before Maneesh took Shilpi to the rooftop to look at one of her favorite views, the Bay Bridge, as all of her friends reconstructed the space below into a private romantic spot for his proposal.

Shilpi Verma and Maneesh Singh Photo Credit: Matei Horvath Photography

With the “Oh, yes of course!” taken care of in style, the wedding planning brought new challenges in the form of their contrasting cultures: Maneesh is Sikh while Shilpi is Hindu, which meant they needed to have two wedding ceremonies at the venue. The one tradition they insisted on making their own was the vows before each circle around the fire in the Hindu ceremony. Rather than reciting the traditional Sanskrit lines they decided to say their own vows in English, about how the other had made them better along with promises for the future. As she recalled her vows, Shilpi said, “One thing I empha

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 13

sized is that he’ll be a stable force in my life and my parents’ lives, and that his kindness makes me want to be a better person.” “I talked about how we pushed each other forward and some of the things I looked forward to in our marriage,” Maneesh said, “The little things I’ve come to enjoy—making chai on Sunday mornings and making kichadi together” Common threads between the two weddings like the tradition of giving the bride away in both and the pheras or circles around the Sikh sacred book the Guru Granth Sahib and the fire in Hinduism gave a sense of unity to the event as a whole. “Eventually when we did them back-to-back; it felt like incorporating not only two families but two cultures together,” Maneesh said.

said. “I think my mother would like to see that aspect of the ceremony, and of course the symbolism of being bound together for seven lifetimes is very appealing.” Phil similarly highlights the portions of the Christian wedding ceremony that focus on the commitment of the couple as opposed to the more religious aspects. “It’s more about the shell of the ceremony,” he said, “which I believe in because of the strength of that commitment and the exchange of rings symbolizing that.”

Neha Mathew Weds Shalin Shah

Philip Frost And Arun Rangaswami

hil and Arun managed to find each other on Chemistry. com almost at the last moment—Phil had just signed up for the dating website while Arun was just about to leave. “I had a lot of not really inspiring experiences and was probably a little more jaded than he was when we met,” Arun said. “But Phil had sent me a message and I thought he was very handsome and responded.” Still, it took Arun some persuasion—the prospect of a potential long distance relationship (Phil lived in Arizona) and previous experiences gave him pause leaving him skeptical, but that initial attraction led to phone calls between the two. “The magical thing is that after we first exchanged contacts, we then spoke every night for over a month without meeting each other,” Phil said. “There were definite common interests—you know when you’re talking to someone and it’s just easy conversation.” They quickly knew that their relationship was meant to last and decided to spend their first holiday together, when Phil came to San Francisco after Christmas. “It was so easy, because I got to see many wonderful things about Phil—he’s very good with people and honest—things you can’t see over the telephone, you just have to be with the person to see it,” says Arun. Three years later Phil proposed to Arun during their trip to Sicily with friends and Arun’s mother to commemorate Arun’s 50th birthday. The recent election of Donald Trump and its ramifications on the Supreme Court has caused enough doubt that Phil and Arun have sped up their timeframe for the wedding— they’re planning a small wedding in October, followed by a larger event in a year or two. While they haven’t decided all the details of the later celebration, currently they plan on including aspects of both Hindu and Christian ceremonies. “If anything I’d like for some nod to circling the fire,” Arun

Arun Rangaswami and Philip James Frost 14 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition |August 2017

Shalin Shah and Neha Mathew Photo Credit: Jon M Photography

eha and Shalin see themselves as having an unconventional relationship, never having an official date when they began dating. “I wish I remember when that day was,” Neha said. “We both have thought about this many times, and we never celebrated anniversaries or anything. It’s just this vague timeframe—we started hanging out with each other and that was it.” As part of Project RISHI while at UC Berkeley, Neha and Shalin knew of each other, but didn’t become close friends until they went on a 3-week trip on behalf of the organization. Afterwards, they spent a lot of time together and were friends for about two years before transitioning into a romantic relationship. Five years after meeting Neha, Shalin proposed in London, a city Neha loved but had never visited. He planned the trip in secret, surprising Neha at the airport with two roundtrip tickets to her dream location without mentioning the ring in his bag. Making sure that their wedding was meaningful both to them as a couple as well as their community was important, so Neha and Shalin chose to eschew some of the typical wedding traditions of their respective family backgrounds. Shalin’s family are Gujarati Jains from Chennai but he is agnostic, while Neha comes from a Malayalee Protestant Christian/ Telugu Hindu family from Hyderabad and was raised within the church. Both families were fully supportive, and so the couple was free to create the type of wedding they would find most meaningful. At the start Barnali Ghosh and Anirvan Chatterjee, friends of Neha and Shalin, who officiated the legal ceremony asked each attendee to close their eyes and to think about the ceremony’s meaning for the couple and also about some of their favorite memories involving the couple. Then, they began to speak about the backgrounds of first Neha and

katha Literary Fiction Contest 2017 Results Read Winning Entries at indiacurrents.com/katha-fiction-contest-winners-announced/

First Prize: $300 • Second Prize: $200 • Third Prize: $100 • Two Honorable Mentions Comments from Judges for 2017 Katha Fiction Contest Steve Kettmann and Sarah Ringler, Wellstone Center We were impressed by the quality and variety of the submissions to the 2017 Katha Fiction Writing Contest and considered it an honor to read through the various submissions. So many strong entries demanded recognition, we hated to have to disappoint many others, who had sent in beautiful work as well, just a notch shy of the level of the winning entries. To everyone we would say: Keep on writing! You have important stories to tell! FIRST PRIZE: ALCATRAZ By Vrinda Baliga - This was a story that had a deceptively simple quality, old friends get together again after long, visiting Alcatraz together, going through the motions with each other, in many ways, but secrets have a way of wanting to bubble up. A beautiful and graceful tale, told with pace and a fine sense of overall structure, wise and universal. SECOND PRIZE: SUBTERFUGE IN THE SEPTAGON By Mahanth Joishy- For sheer exuberant inventiveness, this submission would be hard to top, conjuring a near future in which the Pentagon’s once unique status has slipped and an underground Septagon built underneath Silicon Valley has surpassed it, the highly secret nexus of cyber warfare. Throw in some charming, oddball humor and we were hooked. THIRD PRIZE: CHERRY BLOSSOMS By Sandhya Acharya - This unhurried story of a first meeting of partners in an arranged marriage had a gentleness and unforced letting-the-reader-into-another-world quality to it that we found appealing and powerful. HONORABLE MENTION: GARDEN OF PEOPLE By Neerja Raman - We were taken by this story of a mother and daughter living in California and how their lives are shaped by their surroundings. We enjoyed the feeling that the story evoked both the particularity of the experience of South Asians living in the Bay Area and more universal themes. HONORABLE MENTION: EXAPTATION By Samantha Rajaram - The story conveyed the pained awkwardness of dates between two people who barely know each all too well, and was hard to read in a good way. The metaphor of exaptation, as in an animal adapting a mechanism used for one thing that will later carry some other unexpected benefit, seemed intriguing and thought-provoking. Co-sponsored by

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 15

from the beginning that what they then Shalin. They continued by speakhad was something special, differing about the parents, describing their ent from any of their past relationbackgrounds and reading a note of ships. Anu and Maneesh are both gratitude from the bride and the groom Indian-Americans who were born before highlighting the other friends and grew up in California and found and family who had traveled from all themselves having a lot in common over the world to see the couple marin their personal backgrounds and ried while acknowledging the absence experiences. Their relationship was of those who couldn’t. They asked the always a comfortable, easy thing attendees to participate in community in which both had the liberty to be vows, and to promise to stand with themselves. them in times of difficulty—to help as Anu Oza and Maneesh Sharma Going on hikes had become a they built their own loving community. Photo Credit: Alec Vanderboom monthly tradition for the couple after Anu made a resolution to “Something we were particular about was to make sure that be outdoors more that year. They dated for under a year before everybody who was coming for the wedding was a part of it and Maneesh proposed at Immigrant Point in the Presidio of San actually knew what was happening,” Shalin said. After Shalin and Francisco in May of 2016. Anu, who was not usually one to make Neha signed the documents and Ghosh and Chatterjee declared New Year’s resolutions, had decided that she would take up hikthem legally married under California law, Rev. George Oomen, ing at least once a month with Maneesh. “I had my phone and Neha’s pastor from the Los Angeles’ St. Peter’s Church of South was taking all the pictures and was wearing Maneesh’s backpack India blessed the couple and led them in an exchange of three at that point and he needed something from the backpack,” she symbols of commitment they kept from traditional ceremonies. said. “I was completely oblivious and blissfully unaware, and then They exchanged rings, a minnu and a manthrakodi. The minnu, a he had a ring and proposed.” pendant with a cross made of seven small globules of gold is tied Anu’s family is originally from Rajasthan while Maneesh’s by the groom around the bride’s neck. The manthrakodi is a spefamily is from Uttar Pradesh so when it came to their wedding cial wedding sari gifted to the bride by the groom’s family, which each group brought a few particular traditions though the basics the groom puts over the bride’s head before tying the minnu. of the Hindu ceremony—two hours in total—stayed the same. In Seven strands from the manthrakodi are taken to hang the minnu, particular, the wedding followed the Rajasthani tradition of eight which represents pheras with Anu leading for three and Maneesh for five. Througha long and happy out the circles Maneesh wore a pink cloth around his neck, as married life. members of his family had done for generations. “I felt a lot of “I led the first three rounds and then Maneesh led the fourth emotion,” Neha one,” Anu said. “And then after that we did four more where said about the Maneesh actually lifted me and then walked around the fire. Alceremonies. “Betogether eight pheras.” They also had a Rajasthani ceremony between the two tween the mothers after the Ganesh puja at the altar, where their of us there were mothers exchanged water, sweets and garlands in a mini ceremony moments when to symbolize two families uniting into one. we were crying, Neha Mathew For Anu and Maneesh, writing the wedding program became moments when Photo Credit: Jon M Photography a project to understand exactly what each part of the wedding we were laughing hysterically, and you could see that in everyone meant-—translating the ancient rituals into something their there.” guests could understand and also they themselves could be “I think the biggest difference in at least the way we apwholly part of while at the mandap. Anu discussed each part of proached it is that you don’t live your life based solely on identhe ceremony with both sets of parents, delving deep into each tity,” Shalin added. “You don’t live your life based on whether ritual’s meaning so as to make sure they corresponded with the you’re Jain or Christian. How you live your life is based on your couple’s values. Then Anu and Maneesh used progressive feminist value system and that’s not always based on those identities.” language to turn the ancient Hindu ceremony into something less patriarchal and far more personal. Anu Oza Weds Maneesh Sharma “It felt like we were writing our vows together,” Anu said. “We didn’t do traditional Western vows but talking about the nu had to warn Maneesh that the frequency of their first ceremony and understanding exactly what was happening on the few dates was too good to last. He’d caught her, a teacher, day of was very meaningful.” n at the end of July and early August—right before the start of the new school year. Maya Murthy is a student at the University of Toronto majoring in “I remember saying—this is summer me, I’m not going to be Equity Studies and Religion. She is currently spending the summer as like this all the time,” she says laughing. “I wasn’t going to be able an intern in the offices of Vice Mayor of San Jose Magdalena Carrasco to go out for dinner regularly on weekdays, and he was flexible and Assemblymember Evan Low. In her spare time she enjoys rewriting with that.” movie scripts and reading translations of medieval Indian love poetry. Introduced by a mutual family friend, they both knew

16 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition |August 2017

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 17

feature

Reel Life and Real Life Weddings! By Geetika Pathania-Jain

s a child in 1970s Delhi, shaadi season was my favorite season. Homes were bedecked with strings of lights, band-baja-baraat (wedding party) music emanated from uniformed band-wallas, and there was raucous dancing in front of the white mare, often to the tune of “Aaj mere yaar ki shaadi hai” (my bro is getting married). Sugar high, twinkling lights, shehnai music. I also remember the imposition of austerity measures in Delhi weddings. Half-hearted jokes began to circulate, that wedding food would be limited to potatoes. The Delhi Guest Control Orders of 1968, 1972 and 1976, a legacy of Second World War rationing, and the Essential Commodities Act of 1955 were to blame. The modest, stay-within-your-means wedding was like nothing my young self had experienced on-screen. Bollywood offered two choices when it came to weddings. One was a genial Alok Nath saying “Yeh shaadi dhoom dham se hogi.” (Big fat Indian, mostly Hindu, wedding or BFIW). The second was a scowling Amrish Puri saying “Yeh shaadi naheen hogi.” (No wedding, no way). The latter was usually because of a mismatch between religion, caste, class, or janmakundalis (horoscopes.) Reel weddings versus real weddings? Time for a closer look.

Bigger and Fatter in America?

Had the BFIW reached American shores? And did it need to go on a diet? I decided to embark on an informal survey. The response of my friend Sujatha Suresh,who runs an event planning company called Running Dreamz Productions in California, made my eyes widen and my brows almost touched my hairline.

“Flowers are now flown from India to achieve the authenticity of a South Indian ceremony. Decorations from Rajasthan and Gujarat make the mehendi ceremonies feel like the sets of a Mani Ratnam movie. The jago and dholki at the Punjabi weddings are accompanied by live music by performers well versed in the traditional songs. An upcoming Tamil Brahmin family is interested in flying one of the top Carnatic music performers out for the reception performance.” Sujatha Suresh is seeing these trends first-hand: “I am incredulous about the Bollywoodization—or should we say Karan Joharization—of the Big Fat Indian Wedding. Boring Indian weddings are now a thing of the past. The mehendi and sangeet cocktails are ubiquitous across India and have become an essential part of the festivities. Choreographed dances by the bridal party as well as middle aged friends of the parents are now de rigeur.” Another wedding planner who coordinates Indian weddings in the Hawaiian

18 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

islands confirmed these trends. “The excitement around island destination weddings is higher than I’ve ever seen it,” reports Mira Savara of Mira Savara Events, “The weddings tend to be 50-200 guests, which is quite large by Western standards, but small compared to the weddings we see in India. This allows the families to focus on a “wow” experience for their intimate guest list, and yes, we are seeing some real “Bollywoodization” of traditional Western weddings as well—pops of color, decorations that showcase an Indian flair, and choreographed dance numbers! Destination weddings? Flowers from India? Choreographed dances? Are weddings now all about Bollywood production values and set design? A friend shared her ambivalence about the professionalization of modern weddings: “My aunts used to sit over a cup of chai wrapping gifts for the wedding. Now, when I walk into a wedding, there is no place for trays wrapped in simple cellophane, bearing gifts for the bride or the groom. The trays have been color coordinated and stacked. The flowers are perfectly matched, the outfits of the bride and the groom and their families have been planned keeping the backdrop for the wedding photos in mind.” I needed to turn to some people who had done some thinking about the Big Fat Indian Wedding.

Elite Status Weddings

Delhi-based sociologist Parul Bhandari has researched elite weddings in India extensively. In the status-crazed circles that Bhandari describes, “the elite Indian weddin is not simply an ostentatious

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celebration involving an unabashed display of money and taste. It is about competition, conservatism, and assertion of power. It is nothing less than the coronation ceremony of an elite status.” Bhandari continues: “In this professionalised approach to wedding planning, elites have begun the trend of celebrating some of the most traditionally muted rituals with much glam and glitz, which would otherwise be celebrated with austerity especially in a middle class setting. For example, at the elite weddings I attended, for the small ceremonies of haldi (smearing the bride and groom’s body with turmeric powder) and gharcholi (bathing the bride and groom with holy water), a troupe of singers was invited and silver coins were given to the attendees.” In the upper echelons of Indian society, “the practice of giving a dowry is also modified… [and] assumes a muted presence, shrouded in the ostentatious display of wealth and generosity of gift-giving. At one elite wedding I studied, the groom was given an Audemars Piguet watch costing approximately £10,000, a BMW 7 Series car, and £50,000 in cash. There is an insistence, especially by the father of the bride, to treat this not as dowry, but only as a gift, as the bride-to-be too, it is argued, is gifted expensive jewellery and clothes by her in-laws.” Her research echoes that of sociologist Patricia Uberoi, who writes that weddings are “the most visible site of conspicuous consumption and conspicuous waste,” in South Asia. Wedding costs are growing at 30 percent annually in this $25 billion industry. Indians routinely spend one fifth of the wealth accumulated in a lifetime on a wedding ceremony, sometimes pledging their land as collateral. Why this fascination with a big, overthe-top Bollywood style wedding? Has real life started imitating reel life or is it the other way around?

Bollywood Weddings

Screen weddings offer Bollywood a vehicle to show off designer costumes and jewelry, folk songs—a fun tamasha! No wonder Bollywood is obsessed with weddings, and weddings, by all accounts, are obsessed with Bollywood. To remind myself about just what onscreen Bollywood weddings were like, I began rewatching, in earnest, several mov-

20 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

ies I could think of that included, among others, the mother of all wedding films: Hum Aaapke Hain Kaun(HAHK). Plot lines of all variants abound. Each Bollywood film seemed to be having a conversation with modernity versus tradition. Patricia Uberoi calls the Alok Nathstyle cultural propagation of “sanskaar” and images of large, happy joint families— as in HAHK as contributing to a conservative “ethnicisation,” of Indian family values against the modern culture of the West. In HAHK, the subject of dowry comes up, with the clownishly vampy Bindu gnashing her teeth at Arti Shahani’s lack of dowry. To his credit, the patriarch Alok Nath sticks up for this dowry-less girl. Folk traditions are evident during the film. A great deal of fun is had over hiding the groom’s shoes. Modernity and tradition face off again in the Kal Ho Na Ho wedding. Since the film is based in New York, some liberties can be taken. Saif Ali Khan genuflects, Western style, to ask Preeti Zinta’s hand in marriage. Yet there is Punjabi folk music at the wedding “Pyaari Banno” full of nostalgia, Indian style. In Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani, the destination wedding to a Rajasthani palace hotel, and much dancing and partying is in evidence. In the song “Dilli Wali Girlfriend,” Deepika Padukone makes a reference to a bride’s weight in gold. Gold, that precious yellow metal around which so much revolves. There is a shadow behind all that shiny gold jewelry. In Monsoon Wedding, the simple and touching romance and wedding of the working class Vijay Raaz who falls in love with the maid, Tilotama Shome outshines the wealthier versions. This is the film that stole my heart with its subtle depiction of family dynamics during a middle-class Delhi wedding. Naseeruddin Shah’s embarrassment when he needs to borrow money for the wedding highlights the financial burden on the bride’s father. Bollywood itself serves as a cultural forum for competing values. Not surprisingly, Bollywood depictions of weddings include the uncritical as well as the socially aware. Everyone loves a good party, and if you’ve got the money, surely you are entitled to flaunt it? Yet societally, a culture of extravagant weddings too frequently translates to debt and financial difficulty as an aftermath. Sadly, this burden has traditionally been disproportionately borne by

the bride’s family. In India, dowry-related crimes are rising in a culture of rampant greed. Something about this stinks, and the fragrance of even the most beautiful wedding flowers can’t disguise this whiff.

Bidai: The Sendoff

Dhoom dham is all good and fine. But at some point, the Bollywood movie comes to an end, and we return to reality. After the bidai (farewell) and the tears, after the honeymooners have left in their flowerstrewn car, and the pandit has departed, and the wedding planners and caterers have been paid, I wonder who is left holding the bill for the Big Fat Indian Wedding! n Geetika Pathania Jain, Ph.D. is a frequent contributor to India Currents. Plot lines of all variants abound, and my mind boggled with the sheer variety of themes that emerged. Spoiler alert!

•

• •

• • •

• Girl has prior boyfriend but gets married to the chosen bridegroom (Tanu weds Manu, Monsoon Wedding) Girl does not want to get married to the chosen bridegroom and skips matrimony altogether (Bazaar, Veer Zara) Boy does not want to get married to chosen bride (Hasee toh Phasee, Roja) Boy and girl want to get married, but what to do (Kal Ho Na Ho, Mughale-Azam) Girl gets jilted, embarks on solo honeymoon (Queen) Girl gets jilted, embarks on speech about virtues of Haryanvi women (Tanu weds Manu Again) Boy and girl get married once again (Tanu weds Manu Again) Singles mingle at a friend’s/sister’s wedding and end up together (Tanu weds Manu, Yeh Jawanee Hai Deewanee, Hum Aapke Hai Kaun) Boy meets many eligible Patel girls (Meet the Patels) Boy and girl are from different communities (Two States) Boy and girl are from different social classes (Mughal-e-Azam)

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 21

desi lens

Marriage Matters

By Kalpana Mohan

’d been caught in a maelstrom of engagements and weddings recently. In some instances, the girl or the boy was not that much older than my own daughter and so now my child began chafing at the broad hints from her parents about her own future. “You guys raised me to be independent,” she declared through a text. “And now you’ve begun pestering me about when I’m going to tie the knot. This is the problem with you “Indian people,” she said, using a term that made me cringe. Like other young Indian-Americans her age, she was tossing me into this melting pot of garbanzo in which, I could swear, one bean was not a clone of another. “For you Indian people, marriage seems to define and complete the life a woman,” she said. “And no, no, it won’t end there,” she said. Whenever she did marry, I would hound her about children. Then I’d quiz her about buying a house. “It’s another generational thing between us. If, like me, you live in a city, you don’t think much house ownership you know” she texted at 100 words per second. And, then came the final punch, so to speak, “the race never ends, does it?” she asked. I agreed that it was frustrating for children to have to volley their parents’ anxious questions about “settling down,” a term that, in the India I grew up in, referred to finding the special person and settling down into domestic harmony. I knew, as well as all the wives of the world, how much “settling down with” someone equated to “putting up with” a million things in a marriage, a partnership demanding daily adjustment and commitment. “And this thing Dad says,” she wrote. “About needing to marry so that you avoid loneliness in your old age.” She wished to beat the dust out of that. “You should get married because you want to make a commitment to someone, mother.” I reassured my daughter that parents often took the liberty to quiz their children about what was uppermost on their minds as they, the parents, aged. It was the way of the world. But the most important reason, I said, was the biological clock, warning her that women were always hemmed in by bodily constraints. Pat came the counter argument. There were many advances in technology and women could have children later now than ever before. Then came another philosophical query about the institution of marriage itself. “For instance, what was the relevance of marriage in our society if couples were not interested in having children?” Our debates fermented thus in a million ways. I reminded her that she had to reckon with how immigrant parents had evolved. She was, after all, only one generation removed from parents whose marriages had been arranged and just two generations removed from grandmothers who had married before they completed high school. Employing a parent’s final weapon of manipulation, I told her that one day the questions would stop. It had been three years since I’d received a phone call from my parents. Had they been

22 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

alive right now, they would have bombarded me with questions about my month-long work retreat in France. Who cooks and cleans for you? Are you getting enough to eat, baby? You mean, they make chicken and fish out of the same pots and pans you use? You must ask for your own utensils. My parents had a way of drilling down to the specific parts of one’s life. One question always led to another query or an unexpected answer or a reminder of a previous unsavory event which then put both parent and child on a path riddled with landmines. I let my daughter know that as long as parents birthed children, the worries would be rather typical. “Indian people” would continue to place value on the family unit because we had been dipped and dyed in such thinking for generations. But my child was not finished with her iPhone rant. “No one should have to be defined by marriage and, also, marriage is not for everyone and does not need to be for everyone. But that isn’t even within the realm of possibility for you guys, is it?” she asked. My daughter was onto something. In most traditional societies, our fairy tales still ended in an orchestrated way: “The two got married and they lived happily ever after.” But did they? That was the question we preferred to not debate enough. I assured my daughter that while marriage was not a perfect destination for everyone, it was one way for parents to ensure that their children were in healthy, committed relationships and had someone in their lives who’d care for them. I told her then about an argument with my father some months before he passed away. I’d tried to explain how the system worked in the United States when two people had found each other. “What happens next?” my father asked. “Depends,” I said. “In America, the couple normally takes a while to decide if they really, really can settle down with each other.” “But for how long do they wait?” he asked, again. “It depends,” I said. “Also, the boy must propose to the girl.” “What nonsense is all this “proposal-kiposal stuff ”?” my father bellowed. I told him it was a formality. I explained the rituals—the ring, the proposal, the surprise element—and the romance of it all. He didn’t understand why the boy needed to surprise the girl with a proposal when she was expecting it all along. “That’s the way it is,” I said. “But why stretch it all out?” he asked, shaking his head. “And why can’t the girl propose to the guy instead?” Now here was a sudden hairpin bend in our discussion that made me wonder where gallantry ended and where feminism began. n Kalpana Mohan writes from California’s Silicon Valley. http://kalpanamohan.com

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 23

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Should only Sumangalis be Involved in Weddings? By Saroja Viswanathan

few months ago, I saw the pictures of Vrindavan widows celebrating Holi which they were not allowed to do for many years. An organisation caring for these women brought this change to bring about larger shifts in peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s attitude towards widowhood in many parts of India and abroad. I have been widowed for the past 22 years. I am from an educated, upper middle class South Indian Brahmin family where girls have been college-educated for the past two generations. Still, I find that widows are discriminated in subtle and overt ways during many auspicious occasions. During weddings, widows are banned from performing many rituals, even if it happens to be for their own daughter, son or grand children! Widows are supWE SPEAK TAX

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posed to be inauspicious. To give you an example, there is a tradition in the Brahmin community to worship women who have died before their husbands, glorifying them by a ritual called Sumangali Prarthanai. This function is done before a marriage celebration or any happy occasion, remembering the dead. But why do we only worship women who died before their husbands? Is it their choice to die so? When they perform this ritual, the daughters of the family are invited to join a feast. These women must be living with their husbands (sumangalis). They are invited, and given gifts for being sumangalis. Widowed daughters are not allowed to participate in this ritual, being considered amangali. They cannot sit together and eat with their sisters. They have to eat only after the sumangalis have eaten.

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Imagine thatâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;they do this to their own daughters. I felt terrible when I attended a wedding where I was excluded from these ceremonies. As generations change inter-community and intercaste marriages happen. The daughters of the family, who have married this way, even if they have their husbands alive, meaning they are sumangalis, are not allowed to participate. And, divorcees are definitely excluded. Surprisingly, these taboos are perpetuated by educated women of the family. And, I see that the same customs are being followed in America as well. In the name of tradition, why do we allow this to continue? n Saroja Viswanathan lives with her children in the United States and is an active member of her community.

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 31

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Choosing to Marry Again By Ranjani Rao

t is still dark when I wake up in the guest room at my brother’s home. Trying not to wake up my teenage daughter, I adjust the pleats of the magenta silk sari and fasten the heavy fabric on my shoulder with a safety pin. Leaning towards the mirror to adjust my earrings, I smile at the sight of my hands painted with bridal henna, the same color that also covers the gray in my hair. I have been a bride before. Half a lifetime ago. My long black braid was covered in flowers then, the silk sari an unfamiliar weight on my bony shoulders. My parents had found me a groom through our network of relatives. Family environment, food choices and horoscopes had been meticulously matched. The religious wedding ceremony was blessed by astrologers, approved by relatives, and witnessed by friends. Soon after, we left for America, to make a home far away from interfering in-laws and inquisitive neighbors. The odds were in our favor. The odds hadn’t predicted the final outcome. There had been no early indicator to forecast whether our personal expectations would blend well or curdle into a messy muddle, as it had. I wake up my daughter and help her with her outfit. Two taxis ferry the handful of people who have come to attend the simple Arya Samaj wedding ceremony on my behalf. This question probably lurked in the minds of the guests—why is she getting married again? Having come from a cultural mindset that put marriage as the center-piece of a woman’s existence, I had taken a long time to get over the fact that mine had crumbled. After the formal divorce, I alternated between relief and grief, freedom and fear, exhilaration and exhaustion. There was anger, sadness, rage, self-pity and remorse. Instead of wallowing in depression, I focused on rebuilding: a safe home, a career that would support my single-mom lifestyle and a respectable reputation.

This is a wedding with no checklists, no curious onlookers, no astrological consultations. I have invited the few people with whom I have shared triumphs and shed tears. I want a ceremony where the marriage endures long after the flowers wither, the music stops and the guests leave.

After my mother’s death the same year as my divorce, my father had become my anchor. The vacuum created by his recent demise slowly filled me with the realization that I had a long solitary life ahead. Being busy was easy, being alone was not. On weekends when my daughter visited her dad, I binge-watched Friends, ate instant noodles and read Eat Pray Love. In the still hours of dusk, every tick of the

34 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

clock was a portent of the years ahead. I couldn’t stop my child from growing up or going away. I could only create my own life, not stifle hers. Would I find someone willing to share my life? If divorce was unusual in India, remarriage was even more unlikely for a woman in her forties with custody of a teenage daughter. I needed one good man. My parents had arranged my first mar-

riage. I had no dating experience. I was not on Facebook. Online matrimony sites and dating apps were not my thing. Finding a suitable man seemed next to impossible. One afternoon, over lunch with an old friend, I admitted that my life was good. “I have my own home, work-life balance and most importantly, peace. But sometimes I wish I had someone to spend the rest of my life with…” “I know just the person you should meet,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes. The next week he introduced us via email. A year later, here I am, on my way to my second wedding. I wonder if my parents would have supported my decision to jump into matrimony in midlife by marrying a widower with a daughter. This is a wedding with no checklists, no curious onlookers, no astrological consultations. I have invited the few people with whom I have shared triumphs and shed tears. I want a ceremony where the marriage endures long after the flowers wither, the music stops and the guests leave. A senior lady presides over the ceremony with a light hearted touch. She explains the significance of the rituals. Our girls sit on the stage, a few feet behind us. They are

wearing the ghagras that we had selected on a joint shopping trip a few weeks earlier, when they had first met. My older brother and sister-in-law take on the role of the elder family members on my side. As my sari pallu is tied to Arun’s outift, I feel a sense of relief, of belonging, of togetherness. We garland each other and walk around the fire. And finally we are married. There is laughter and blessings, photographs with family and friends. I am once again on the threshold of a fresh beginning. My slate is cluttered with history. Major life experiences rest on my no-longer-bony shoulders. Each of us has

survived shattered dreams and heartbreaks. We both grew up in stable families but have witnessed the collapse of this familiar structure in our generation. We have no role models for building a family with a second spouse and step-children. We will be moving to Singapore where Arun begins a new job. I will need to find one. Our girls will soon share a roof, if not a room. And try to find their way within and outside the home. Add to this teenage angst, midlife crises, personal challenges and we have a recipe for interesting times ahead. I take a deep breath and surrender to the pure joy of anticipation, the promise of a second chance at marital happiness, with a spouse of my choosing. Sometimes life offers you a another chance to make the fairy tale come true. I may have doubts but I also have the commitment of my spouse, not only to the institution of marriage, but to me. On this road less travelled, we are both clear about what we have chosen—a life with each other and our “plus ones.” n Ranjani Rao is currently writing a memoir Starting Over in Midlife—marriage, motherhood and other midlife adventures.

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ask a lawyer

Marital Status And Employment By Bobby Shukla

I went on a job interview and some of the questions seemed to be fishing for information about whether I was married. Is this legal?

California law prohibits discrimination on the basis of marital status. An employer may not refuse to hire, to fire or discriminate against an employee or job applicant on the basis of marital status. Marital status is defined as “an individual’s state of marriage, non-marriage, divorce or dissolution, separation, widowhood, annulment or other marital state.” Examples of marital status discrimination include suffering an adverse employment action for cohabitating with a partner while unmarried, for being unwed and pregnant or for being newly married and causing the employer to presume you will be seek time off from work to start a family.

Marital status discrimination also includes prohibitions on decisions being made on account of an applicant’s or employee’s spouse’s employment, including that the spouse works for a competitor, or the fact that the spouse is unemployed. Employers may not make employment decisions based on an employee’s spouse’s race, gender, disability or the fact that the spouse has a criminal record. Further, an employer cannot make an employment decision based on whether an individual has a spouse presently employed by the same employer except where, for business reasons of supervision, safety, security or morale, an employer may refuse to: (1) place one spouse under the direct supervision of the other spouse; or (2) place both spouses in the same department, if the work involves potential conflicts of interest greater for married

36 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

couples than for other persons. It is, however, lawful to ask an applicant to state whether he or she has a spouse who is presently employed by the employer, but this may not be used as a basis for a discriminatory employment decision. If co-employees marry, an employer must make reasonable efforts to assign job duties so as to minimize problems of supervision, safety, security, or morale. With regard to pre-employment practices, it is unlawful to ask an applicant to disclose his or her marital status as part of a pre-employment inquiry (unless pursuant to a permissible reason or defense, which is rare). n Bobby Shukla represents individuals in employment law matters at Shukla Law. She can be reached at (415) 986-1338.

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his column carries final action dates and other transitional information as taken from the U.S. State Department’s Visa Bulletin. The information below is from the Visa Bulletin for August 2017.

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books

Wealth Management for Desis By Monal Pathak Rajesh Jyotishi, The Money Talk: Retirement and Estate Planning for Indian Americans. Advantage, 206 pages. Hardcover.

n the winter of 2015 when I worked as an analyst at a Swiss bank, one pressing concern was an acronym: DoL. A new fiduciary rule had been presented by the Obama administration’s Department of Labor and people wanted to know how it would impact the ability of the firm’s financial advisors to serve their clients. With a new President in office, the conversation today switches back the other way: does the industry need a rule to ensure its practitioners act in the best interests of their clients? The surge of opposition to an imminent repeal of the rule has resulted in a further piling-on from either side of the argument. The point here is not for me to argue in favor or against the DoL rule, but rather to highlight that it’s one of the countless aspects of a person’s financial life prone to uncertainty, tethered to the whims of the latest politician to sit on the iron throne. Rajesh Jyotishi’s practical handbook on retirement and estate planning outlines the variables that one will encounter in the use and preservation of wealth in the United States. It’s a book geared towards the specific concerns of Indian Americans, whose finances often navigate complex family and business needs across multiple continents. Importantly, Jyotishi helps the reader understand the facets of their financial life beyond assets and liabilities. Whether working in California or retired in Karnataka, to give oneself the highest probability of adequately safeguarding wealth and securing the family’s future, there’s a lot more to consider than one might imagine. The journey begins with an inquiry and an open discussion, because it’s not just the breadwinner(s) who have something at stake when it comes to finances. Here’s what this book isn’t: an academic tome on advanced estate planning strategies, an analysis of the global commodities markets, or even a how-

38 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

to on picking stocks. Rest assured though, Jyotishi appears to have had the requisite textbooks on his mind as he penned this conversational book, which from the opening chapters details how he built his business and learned the nuances of the financial services industry. Personal anecdotes and case studies provide the reader further comfort in his ability to survey the landscape and point out its hazards. Jyotishi also shines in his clarity, especially detailing the complexities involved with our trisul of modern society: money, life and death. Take this bit of advice on healthcare in the case of parents newly arrived from India: “a person receiving tax credits [to help pay for insurance] must also file a tax return in the United States and cannot be dependent on someone else’s tax returns.” His strategy calls for families to provide a monthly paycheck to their parents (as caregivers) through their business, and not claim the parent on their tax returns. Uncertainty around Obamacare notwithstanding, how many people were aware they could subsidize eldercare in this way? Without resorting to any sort of fearmongering, Jyotishi dispels the idea that these issues are self-explanatory—but he reminds us that through targeted attention, one can quickly gain a suitable level of understanding around healthcare, estate planning, retirement income strategies, and other important issues. Books such as Malkiel’s A Random Walk Down Wall Street, Bogle’s Little Book of Common Sense Investing, Graham’s The Intelligent Investor, and even Buffett’s famous shareholder letters, may be in our bookcases, but they’re of little use when one’s income suddenly stops due to catastrophic injury, or one’s retirement plan of “moving in with the kids” is met with

the blank stare of repudiation. Jyotishi’s book helps you to ask the practical questions first. He also gets you to consider the possibility of outliving your assets, of not adequately factoring inflation into your nest egg, of planning around stock market uncertainty, of getting the right legal documents in order for wealth transfer after one’s passing —especially important for business owners—and numerous other considerations that come well before “should I buy on margin?” This is an important book for all the reasons mentioned above, but I did find it to be tone deaf in some parts: “The challenges of having too much money in retirement plans,” as a subheading would make 80% of Americans cringe—though that’s a style consideration versus one of content. The detailing of next steps wasn’t explicit enough for me, although these are numerous and differ by individual need —but I wouldn’t have hesitated to recommend that the reader hire an advisor on a one-time, flat-fee basis to draw up a financial plan that shows, with great specificity, what parts of one’s financial life are being adequately addressed, and where the blind spots are located. I’m also a bit dismayed by some of the subtextual politics: for all the talk of tax avoidance, there’s no mention of what taxes actually do. Particularly in the case of estate taxes, which many economists argue as being one of the most progressive parts of the American tax code; its proceeds could, for example, single handedly fund the EPA’s annual budget more than twice over. While these are areas where a client should be free to make their own judgment, it’s certainly the professional’s duty to point these things out. I’d also delete the aggressively off-putting foreword— but that’s what second editions are for! n Monal Pathak has a background in economics and environmental science, and has spent time working in both consumer and investment banking. He writes from Seattle.

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 39

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Top 10 Shaadi Movies of All Time By Aniruddh Chawda

indi movie weddings cover the full range of human experience. The grand wedding (pricier by the minute). The simple wedding (often on the run). The getaway wedding (in an exotic location with non-traditional props). The shotgun wedding (the bride is, gasp, pregnant). The wedding at gunpoint (usually involves a kidnapped bride or groom). The mistaken groom or bride wedding (so easy to blame face-covering garlands). The I-am-marrying-the-wronggroom or bride wedding (usually involves money troubles). The squabbling-kin wedding (disapprovals galore). The rural wedding (often closest to traditional rituals). The urban wedding (larger crowds invite wedding crashers). Then there is the outdoor wedding (pretty yet not easy to stage). The tent event wedding (usually involves extended dancing). The inheritance wedding (do it and gain everything). The disinheritance wedding (do it and lose everything). The big fat wedding (drama central, often with relatives from overseas). The already-married groom or bride wedding (secrets revealed half-way through the fire ritual). The non-stop crying wedding (that includes the bride and groom). The secret temple wedding with no mortal witnesses (enough said). The highly efficient a-blood drop-from-thegroom’s-thumb-and-the-parting-on-thebride’s-forehead wedding (modest pain but very low cost). Here is a list of the best Hindi movies with heavy wedding content over the years. Even though only a couple of these would bear resemblance to an actual “wedding video,” as a chronology they capture the changing focus on which wedding sub-rituals get expanded coverage over the years. Somehow, they all have to do with the size of the producer’s budget for staging the nuptials.

to fulfil his ailing grandfather’s final bucket list entry. 6. Hum Aap Ke Hain Koun (1994, D: Suraj Barjatya). A

wedding that threatens to go on and on until a dog comes to the rescue. Blockbuster Salman KhanMadhuri Dixit hit from the Rajshri label. Dixit’s striking outfits ignited a fashion frenzy and interest in non-traditional wedding-theme colors, such as a green-white combination.

7. Hum Saath Saath Hain (1999,

1. Grahasti (1963, D: Kishore Sahu):

The case of the three missing brides for the three brothers with lots of “will they” or “won’t they” be allowed to marry intrigue. Features stellar casting of Ashok Kumar, Nirupa Roy, Manoj Kumar and Rajshri. 2. Rishtey Naatey (1965, D: K.S. Gopalakrishnan): Three weddings and a funeral. Along with Raj Kumar and Jamuna, it features the great Nutan as the Other Woman. The lush Madan Mohan-Lata Mangeshkar score is a keepsake, the best from this list. 3. Saraswatichandra (1968, D: Govind Saraiya): Jilted upper-crust bride-to-be

(Nutan) engages her ex-beau (Manish) in a letter-writing exchange that leads to surprising results. Kalyanji-Anandji’s soundtrack is the duo’s best work. 4. Doli (1969, D: A. Subba Rao): The bride weeps. The groom is sad. There is lots of crying. One of superstar Rajesh Khanna’s 15 consecutive box office hits, this one with Babita. 5. Dulhan Wohi Jo Piya Man Bhaye (1977, D: Lekh Tandon). With the actual

fashion model bride-to-be stranded in a Kashmir snowstorm, a shy flower-seller belle (Rameshwari) is asked to stand in as the bride of a rich groom (Prem Krishen)

D: Sooraj Barjatya). A quintessential feel-good Rajshri take on a wedding with stories that loosely follows the premise of the Hindu epic Ramayan. Most noteworthy for an all-star cast led by Salman Khan, Saif Ali Khan, Karishma Kapoor and Tabu. 8. Monsoon Wedding (2001, D: Mira Nair): Technically not an Indian movie (credit here goes to France, Italy, Germany and America) but a big fat Indian wedding movie set in Delhi with an Indian cast. For touching on non-nuptial thematic elements including child abuse, it is essentially a Western window on India. 9. Vivah (2006, D: Sooraj Barjatya): In another refined Rajshri offering, a wedding tape-worthy wedding plan gets put on flashing “Pause” when an accident befalls an important character. Noteworthy for making a small budget payoff big. 10. Tanu Weds Manu (2011, D: Anand L Rai): Combining comedy and virtually sumo wrestling with traditions, this new age wedding ensemble becomes that rarest of rare entries—an invitation to a stoner wedding courtesy of Mumbai. n

Globe trekker, aesthete, photographer, ski bum, film buff, and commentator, Aniruddh Chawda writes from Milwaukee.

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 43

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48 | INDIA CURRENTS |West Coast Edition |August 2017

Presents

Summer 2017 Arangetrams Disciples of Artistic Director: Sundara Swaminathan Accompanied by musicians from Chennai, India Venue for all Arangetrams: Mexican Heritage Theater

1700 Alum Rock Ave. San Jose. CA 95116

Gayathri Gupta

August 12, 2017 at 4:00 PM

Juhi Thomas August 20, 2017 at 4:00 PM

Pooja Nair August 13, 2017 at 4:00 PM

Admission: Free | All Are Welcome

Surabhi Rao August 19, 2017 at 4:00 PM

New beginner class starts in September. Kala Vandana oďŹ&#x20AC;ers classes in a structured traditional Kalakshetra style. All classes are held in our professional studios at 5807 WinďŹ eld Blvd. #B3, San Jose, CA 95123

www.kalavandana.org | www.facebook.com/kalavandana | 408 238 8321

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 49

recipes

Summer Cookouts and Picnics

he idea of a cookout generally conjures a vision of meat on an open fire, but the joy of cooking and sharing food outdoors can be enjoyed by vegetarians as well. Among my fondest childhood memories of my village is that of farmers sitting around an open fire roasting freshly picked corn in the field. Summer’s a perfect time to get together with friends to enjoy food that is cooked outdoors on a grill. The host need not feel isolated within the kitchen at home; instead all guests can help with cooking outside, adding to the feeling of communal sharing. Plan a varied menu that includes complementary dishes. It helps to familiarize yourself with your grill ahead of time, so you can avoid surprises at the event. Since grilled food is very hot,

Tabbouli

Tabbouli is a visual feast, a beautiful salad of bulgur and vegetables made with aromatic mint leaves and fresh olive-oil dressing. It can be made ahead of time and refrigerated for up to a week. Ingredients • 1½ cups bulgur (cracked wheat) • 4-5 cups warm water • 1 large bunch (2 cups) curly parsley, (remove stems) • 1 cup fresh mint leaves (remove stems) • 1 bunch scallions, chopped finely,with some of the green tops included • 1 large cucumber, peeled and cut into very small cubes (11½ cups) • 1 red bell pepper or a fresh tomato, cut into very small pieces (½ cup) Dressing • 4 tablespoons olive oil • 4 tablespoons lemon or lime juice, freshly squeezed • ¼ teaspoon crushed oregano leaves, dried or fresh • ½ teaspoon salt or to taste 50 | INDIA CURRENTS |West Coast Edition |August 2017

By Shanta Nimbark Sacharoff keep some oven mitts, potholders, towels and tongs handy. In your picnic basket, you can include * water, juices, soda and root beer * organic wine and micro-brewery local beer * for the grill, purchase vegan deli items like firm tofu, tofu dogs, soy burgers and veggie burgers in addition to homemade deli items such as Tabbouli and Baba Ghanooj (recipes below). * a variety of local and imported cheeses * freshly baked bread, crisp-bread or crackers, with some gluten-free options * gluten-free chips Here are recipes for three Middle Eastern dishes that are perfect for your outdoor party. n

Summer picnic basket Photo by Enrique Ramirez

• Freshly ground black pepper Method: In a bowl, cover the bulgur with warm water and let it soak for 30 minutes. Wash, drain and mince parsley and mint leaves; combine the leaves and vegetables in a large bowl. Drain the soaked bulgur completely by wrapping in a cheesecloth and squeezing out the water or take a handful of bulgur at a time and squeeze most of the water out. Add the drained bulgur to the bowl of leaves and vegetables. Toss all the ingredients gently to mix.

Combine the dressing ingredients in a covered jar and shake or whisk until thoroughly blended. Add the desired amount of dressing to the bowl of tabbouli and mix thoroughly but gently. Serve right away or chill to serve later. Makes about six to eight half-cup servings

Variation for Gluten-Free Tabbouli

Bulgur is made from wheat, but a gluten-free version of tabbouli can be made with rice and quinoa. Instead of using bulgur, use rice and quinoa. All other ingredients remain the same as above. Ingredients • 1½ cups water • ¾ cup basmati rice, rinsed and drained • ¾ cup white quinoa, rinsed and drained

Tabbouli

Method: In boiling water, add rice and quinoa. Cover and simmer over moderate heat for 15 minutes. Then, keep covered for 5 to 10 minutes. Prepare vegetables and dress

ing as discussed above. Cool the cooked grains by spreading them out on a platter. When they are cool, combine the grains with the vegetables, add dressing and mix thoroughly but gently. Serve right away or chill to serve later. Makes six to eight servings

• • • • • • •

Grilled Vegetable Kebabs

Ingredients for marinade • ¼ cup balsamic vinegar, or rice vinegar for a milder flavor • ½ cup olive oil, or peanut oil if using rice vinegar • ¼ cup freshly squeezed lemon juice • 4–6 cloves garlic, minced • 2 tablespoons fresh, minced herbs, such as oregano, basil, and thyme • Ground pepper, salt or soy sauce Ingredients for kebabs • 2 zucchini, cut into 1-inch slices or into long thick strips • 2 gold-bar squash, cut into 1-inch slices or into long thick strips • 2–3 yellow-fin or red potatoes, washed and cut into thin slices • 1 or 2 Japanese eggplants, unpeeled, cut into long strips • 12 large mushrooms, cleaned and trimmed • 12 cherry tomatoes • 16–20 oz. firm tofu, drained, dried, and cut into 1-inch cubes

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the marinade ingredients except for the salt or soy sauce. Add vegetables to the marinade bowl along with the tofu. Stir gently to be sure that everything is coated with marinade. Cover and set aside for an hour, or keep in the refrigerator overnight.

•

Grilled Vegetable Kebabs

Method: First, add the soy sauce or salt to the kebab bowl. Next, thread the vegetables onto skewers and place the loaded skewers on a platter. Save the leftover marinade. Just before grilling, baste the vegetables liberally saving the leftover liquid. Place the skewers on the grill and turn them frequently so that all sides cook Drizzle the cooked kebabs with the remaining marinade and serve immediately. Makes approximately 12 servings

Baba Ghanooj

Baba Ghanooj is a dip made from fire-roasted eggplant and tahini (sesame paste). You can roast the eggplants on an open fire outdoors, or cook them above the stove-top flame in your kitchen. However, cooking the eggplant in an open fire adds a special flavor and aroma that is hard to replicate indoors. Ingredients: 1 pound (about 4 to 6) small whole eggplants, preferably Japanese eggplants, washed or 1 large whole globe eggplant, washed, dried and top knobs removed

Dressing: 3 tablespoons toasted or raw tahini (sesame seed paste) 2 tablespoons water ¼ cup freshly squeezed lemon juice 1 teaspoon honey or sugar 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 tablespoons olive oil Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste 1 tablespoon parsley leaves, minced

Prepare the dressing ahead of time by whisking together all the ingredients except for the parsley and refrigerate. If you are roasting the eggplants by the open fire, cook directly over the flame or glowing coals (without covering them with a foil). Turn the eggplants frequently using tongs, roasting to allow the skin to blister all over and crack. Remove from flame when the flesh is softened completely. Set them aside in a platter or a cutting board to cool. After the eggplants have cooled down, remove the charred skin with your fingertips and mash the pulp. Add few tablespoons of the dressing at a time, stirring with a fork until a creamy consistency is formed. Garnish with the parsley and serve with bread or crackers. Makes eight to ten servings. n

Shanta Nimbark Sacharoff, author of Flavors of India: Vegetarian Indian Cuisine is co-owner of Other Avenues Food Cooperative in San Francisco.

Specializing in Indian Vegetarian Cuisine, Gujarati & Kathiyawadi Thali, Sweets/Snacks

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Geeta & Sanjiv Munshi Arts Academy “Bringing you Music & Dance for 25 successful years!” Call us for LIVE MUSIC & DANCE PERFORMANCES!

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KALANJALI Dances of India Establshed in 1975

CLASSES IN BHARATANATYAM

India's most ancient classical dance

Following traditional Kalakshetra syllabus - all levels

SACRAMENTO, LAFAYETTE, BERKELEY Registration and Information:

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ACADEMY OF KATHAK DANCE Classes offered at La Habra Heights, Whittier, Cerritos, Yorba Linda ( Classes can potentially be offered in your area - inquiries welcome)

Visiting Artist and Teacher Abhay Shankar Mishra Aarti Manek

Head of Kathak Department (Bharatiya Vidhya Bhavan, London, UK)

Contact: 1.714.595.3735 1.714.299.3525 shankaradance@gmail.com www.shankaradance.com

Bharata Natyam Folk Dances Classes: Duarte,Cerritos, Riverside,Chino Hills

Paulomi Pandit Recipient of Post Diploma from

Kalakshetra, India paulomi@rangashree.com www.rangashree.com

626-590-5547 August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 53

music

BollyWedd Is The Mantra!

By Priya Das

ot, Hot, Hot! That was one of the songs,” remembers Southern Californian Jackie Kendall of the music at her daughter Sara and Abhishek Belani’s wedding at the Design Center, San Francisco in 2015. Those were most likely the only words she recognized from the musical extravaganza that engulfed her during the many ceremonies. But she says, “The sangeet, mehendi—the entire Adeeti Ullal and Johannes Reiter dancing at their wedding was fantastic—each group wedding. Photo credit: Bustle and Twine Photography of the extended family performed their sense of what I liked and what kept people own song-dance. My husband played on the dance floor. His mixes of music his guitar (interestingly, it was a Turkwere flawless for our dances. His brother ish tune). I wish we could do it all over played at the show which was another again!” element that made the whole experience The sangeet had a playlist chosen by lively!” the mother of the bridegroom, Vinita Prema Sriram, a Bay Area resident and Belani from the Bay Area with traditional a South Indian says, “My Bollywood expoPunjabi and Sindhi communal singing sure makes me feel like North Indians have accompanied by a dholki at the mehndi/ more fun dancing and singing. Hence, I uptan ceremony. Of course, Belani retoo wanted to bring out the music and members every detail. Because they had dance of South India and it worked beaulived in several countries, they had guests tifully. We had live music for folk dancing from all over the world and she factored and also a short veena recital. The practices this into the way she chose songs. for live singing and dancing was enjoyable “I made a playlist of Abhishek’s favorbecause everyone was eager to learn!” ite Bollywood numbers from each year of Vandana Kumar celebrated her son his life, songs that he danced to as a kid Tushar’s wedding last year and says, “For and teenager. Prominent was the song the haldi, I tried to retain an authentic Amma dekh, Tera munda bigda jaye.” BeBihari feel; friends sang traditional songs. lani also had Shakira’s Waka Waka song I also hired a live band (SurPal) that was played while she called out names of the familiar with Bhojpuri and Magahi folk countries represented. “People who lived songs. This was mixed in with golden oldin each of the countries had to get on the ies from Hindi films. I wanted to create a dance floor. By the end of the song, we different feel for this event because I knew had successfully gotten everyone onto that these songs would not be featured in the dance floor and then we alternated the rest of the wedding.” American and Indian dance music. Jai Ho The bride and the groom—Niki and was a huge hit! The DJ was responsible Tushar organized the other events and they for all-on-the-floor dancing after that.” chose Bollywood music that they were Indeed, a versatile DJ seems the way familiar with. “The DJ they hired, Parag to go at inter-racial marriages. Adeeti Shah of Special Events was quite fabuUllal, who works in Silicon Valley and lous,” she continues. “In the way he chose her Austrian husband Johannes Reiter music, there was a different mood that was got married at the California Academy of created—sangeet (fun), baraat (live dhol, Sciences to a playlist largely driven, intuiteaching and leading basic dance moves to tively, by the DJ duo from Klasikhz. Ullal guests), wedding ceremony (only Indian remembers, “The DJ was awesome! Even classical), cocktails and reception (western without me specifying a lot of songs, he and Indian mix) all had different music.” was able to gauge the audience and get a 54 | INDIA CURRENTS |West Coast Edition |August 2017

A touch of live music, both in North (popular choice being the dhol)—as well as in South-Indian style of weddings is common. New York-based Dr. Sumanth Swaminathan plays the saxophone in the Carnatic style and a review on his website says, “I was so impressed by his soulful music that I requested him to play at my daughter’s wedding. Gifted with a fertile imagination, he wove his music skillfully and seamlessly into the wedding ceremony, giving the process continuity that I have rarely seen in the United States.” In general though, Bollywood or Bollywood-esque celebratory music seems to do the trick to bring together clans, especially inter-racial communities. Speaking of fusion, Indians seem to have adopted the “bridal entry” phenomenon from our Christian neighbors. Here are some culledtogether bests from Bollywood for the grand reveal of the bride in all her finery as she walks to the mandap Laal Ishq from RamLeela Teri Ore from Singh is King Mast Magan from 2 States O Re Piya from Aaja Nachle Raabta from Agent Vinod For Tamil brides: Ullam Paadum from 2 States For Punjabi brides: Din shagna de Chadeyaa from Phillauri For Telugu brides technofizi.net/top-50-best-telugu-mar riage-pelli-songs-list/ For bridegrooms looking to completely sweep their bride off the floor, this video is a must-watch. Watch Frank sweep Simran with a surprise rendering of Tum Hi Ho as he strikes the piano. (https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=0GojJnrqpeE) Unbeievably sentimental—sometimes, the perfect tune can say more than the best prose can! n Priya Das is an enthusiastic follower of world music, and avidly tracks inbtersecting points between folk, classical, jazz and other genres.

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 55

With The Blessings And In Presence Of Her Holiness

Pujyashri Mathioli R Saraswathy

A Benefit Concert

Nandalala Mission

Show Your Support! Buy Your Tickets!

presents

20th

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Surmayi Shaamâ&#x20AC;?

Proceeds of this concert will go towards community outreach programs of Nandalala Mission such as Back to School Drive, Youth Concerts, Matruseva, Project Balakrishna and Health care initiatives in US & India. Visit www.nandalala.com for details.

(A melodious evening with Nandalala) by

Trichur Brothers Date: September 2nd, 2017 Time: 4:00 pm - 7:00 pm Doors Open: 3:30 pm Venue: CET-SOTO Theater 701 Vine St., San Jose, CA Tickets: $100, $50, $30, $20

Contact: nandalala@nandalala.com | Ph: 408-681-9454

Nrityakalya Dance Company 4:00 PM SamMoha Thematic solo Bharatanatyam performance

Janani Narayanan

5:30 PM

Solo Bharatanatyam performance

Vidhya Subramanian

SUNDAY, AUGUST 13TH Cubberly Theatre, 4000 Middlefield Rd., Palo Alto TICKETS: Janani @ 4pm: $20 Vidhya @ 5:30pm: $25 Combined: $40 BUY @ http://www.nrityakalya.org/vidhya-subramanian 56 | INDIA CURRENTS |West Coast Edition |August 2017

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 57

58 | INDIA CURRENTS |West Coast Edition |August 2017

dance . music

BharathaKala Kutiram

Music Performing Class Enrich it by listening to Dr. Madhuwanti Mirashi

Artistic Director:

Jayanthi Sridharan

(disciple of Pt. Omkarnath Thakur) Available for performances for all occasions.

offers Bharathanatyam Classes in Berryessa, North San Jose

Vocal Music: Light and Classical Instruments: Tabla, Harmonium, Synthesizer (Casio, Yamaha) Music Appreciation: (Hindustani) Voice Culture: (Indian Method)

Call: (408) 251-3438

Phone:(408)

e-mail: bkkdanceschool@gmail.com

246-1643

msmirashi@hotmail.com

MUSIC LESSONS

Bharatanatyam Classes New batches begin August. Locations: Santa Clara, San Jose, Fremont. Soumya Tilak is an accomplished Bharatanatyam artiste who has performed extensively. She has won several awards and titles and critics' appreciation. She is the prime student of Dr. Vijay Madhavan (senior disciple of Vazhuvoor exponent, Padmasri Smt. Chitra Visweswaran).

Soumya Tilak Founder & Artistic Director

669-244-2408 | soumya.tilak@gmail.com | www.soumyatilak.com

Private Lessons

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ENGLISH Lessons with Sita

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1/2 or Full Hour Lessons

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Bansuri Bamboo Flute

Jeff Whittier

Srividya Eashwar

• Lessons in North Indian Music in Palo Alto & Fremont

Artistic Director and Choreographer

l Classes offered in a combination of style

including Indian Folk, Film and Fusion.

l Multiple Locations in San Jose and Cupertino.

• Video Instructions Available

Now starting at Saratoga!

• Light Classical Music for Indian Weddings E-mail: Bansijeff@aol.com

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www.facebook.com/xpressions.sanjose

www.xpressionsdancemusic.com

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 59

events AUGUST

California’s Best Guide to Indian Events Edited by: Mona Shah List your event for FREE!

SEPTEMBER issue deadline: Friday, August 18 To list your event in the Calendar, go to www.indiacurrents.com and click on Create Event

Check us out on

special dates Raksha Bandhan Krishna Janmashtami

Aug. 7 Aug. 14

India Independence Day

Aug. 15

Ganesh Chaturthi

Aug. 25

Bakr Id

Sept. 2

Onam

Sept. 3

Labor Day

Sept. 4

CULTURAL CALENDER

August

4 Friday

Saratoga Anandvan Seniors Musical Night. For family members of

seniors. Catered dinner from Mynt Indian Restaurant. Live band with the “Bollywood Geetanjali band” of Rama and Minnie Shukla. Seniors get to dress like their favorite movie stars. Organized by Saratoga Hindu Temple and Community Center. 5:45 p.m. Saratoga Community Center 19655 Allendale Ave., Saratoga. http://tinyurl.com/Anandvan (408) 6340295.

60 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

Shreya Goshal live in concert in Northern (Aug 26) and Southern California (Aug 27)

Non Stop Bhangra Feat with Panjabi MC Live. To round up the night

as always, the whole Non Stop Bhangra crew will be in the house to share the usual colorful and vibrant energy with

dance lesson and dance performances DJ sets, live dhol drummers, visuals, live art, food truck and more. Organized by Non Stop Bhangra. 9:00 p.m. Public Works 161 Erie St., San Francisco. http://nsb134. eventbrite.com.

events COMEDY

Desi Comedy Fest

ay Area-based Indian-born comedians, Samson Koletkar and Abhay Nadkarni, present The 4 th Annual Desi Comedy Fest, an 11-day South Asian stand up comedy extravaganza touring comedy clubs and theaters in 9 cities throughout Northern California: San Francisco, Berkeley, Mill Valley, Santa Clara, Union City, Alameda, Livermore, Santa Cruz, and Mountain View. The festival, the largest of its kind in the US, runs August 10-20 and features 40 South Asian comedians from all over the U.S., India and South Africa with diverse ethnic (Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Afghani, Sri Lankan, Iranian, Filipino, and African American) and religious backgrounds (Muslim, Jewish, Sikh, and Catholic). n August 10 - August 20, San Francisco, Berkeley, Mill Valley, Santa Cruz, Santa Clara, Union City, Livermore, Alameda, and Mountain View. $20-$40. www.DesiComedyFest.com.

DANCE SamMoha—Illusions of the Mind and Margam—Bharatnatyam Concerts

rityakalya Dance Company will present Janani Narayanan performing SamMoha-Illusions of the Mind and Vidhya Subramanian presenting Margam with a difference. The common and interesting aspect between both, is the search for peace, for stillness of the mind and soul. While Narayanan chooses to explore the challenges to our feeling of calm—feelings such as desire and hate— Subramanian explores the three-way relationship between sringara (love), bhakti (devotion), and shanta (peace). SamMoha is based on the Hindu theology, Arishadvarga—the six desires of the mind, those that prevent a person from attaining moksha or salvation. The thematic flow asks, Who faces these six passions? Is it Men or women or both? Great saints or gods? Who can win over

these passions and how? Narayanan will be accompanied by Sindhu Natarajan on vocals, Chethana Sastry on nattuvangam, Narayan Natarajan on mridangam and Shanthi Narayan on violin. Subramanian’s Margam will be nuanced, by leading the audience in finding a way to center, to find peace, to evoke shanta rasa through the creation of an aesthetic and aspirational experience. Historically, bharatanatyam has been envisioned solely as a medium of worship, an instrument of bhakti. But Subramanian hopes to take us on a journey beyond the mere consumption of the arts, to elevate the sensitive spectator to a higher level of experience, maybe even of existence. n August 13th, 4 p.m.Cubberly Theater, 4000 Middlefield Rd., Palo Alto. www.nrityakalya. org/vidhya-subramanian.

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 61

events August

5 Saturday

Bharatanatyam Arangretram of Vidya Gopalakrishnan. Student of

Vishal Ramani, Artistic Director of Sri Krupa Dance Company. Accompanied by Vishal Ramani (choerography), C.K. Vasudevan (nattuvangam), Kaushik Champakesan (vocal), M. Dhanamjayan (mridangam), N. Veeramani (violin). Organized by Sri Krupa Dance Company. 3:30 p.m. Mission City Center for Performing Arts 3250 Monroe St., Santa Clara. http://www.shrikrupa.org/skdfmain/upcomingevents.html.

Kuchipudi Rangapravesam of Snigdha Uppu. Student of Sunita Pendekan-

ti Artistic Director of Kuchipudi Art Center. Accompanied by Sunita Pendekanti (nattuvangam), Chandrika Pai (vocal), Srinivas Kommu (flute), Geeta Shankar (veena), Balaji Mahadevan (mridangam), and Susheela Narasimhan (violin). Organized by Ram Uppu. 3:30 p.m. Dougherty Valley Performing Arts Center 10550 Albion Rd, San Ramon. (925) 876–7133.

Kuchipudi Rangapravesam/Arangetram of Navya Peddireddy.

Student of Sailaja Chaudhary. Organized by Vasantha Peddireddy. 2:30-7:00 p.m. Lakireddy Auditorium in Shiva Vishu Temple 1232 Arrowhead Avenue, Livermore. (781) 414-9031.

Dilli Haat Festival. Food, culture, and shopping. The theme is A Kaleidoscope Splash of Hues. Organized by Women Now TV. 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Baylands Park 999 E Caribbean Dr., Sunnyvale. www.WomenNow.TV (510) 364-4271. Bharatanatyam Arangetram and Showcase of Western Dance by Sonya Shankar. Student of Radhika

Shankar, who trained in the Nrithyodaya tradition under Padmashri Dr. Padma Subrahmanyam. Accompanied by Radhika Shankar (nattuvangam) Sindhu Natarajan (vocals), Aditya Ganesh (mridangam) and Priyanka Chary (veena). Organized by Radhika Shankar. 3:00 p.m. 62 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

California’s Best Guide to Indian Events CET 701 Vine Street, San Jose. (510) 2521761.

August

6 Sunday

Snekha Senthilkumar Bharatanatyam Arangetram. Student of Mythili

Kumar, Artistic Director of Abhinaya Dance Company. Accompanied by a live orchestra. Organized by Abhinaya Dance Company. 4-6 Mission City Theater 3250 Monroe St., Santa Clara. www.abhinaya.org (408) 871-5959.

Swades Celebrate India. Indian Independence day celebrations. Organized by Swades Celebrate India. 11:00 a.m. Milpitas Sports Center 1325 East Calaveras Boulevard, Milpitas. (510) 894-MELA. A Work in Progress—Bharatanatyam Conert by Urmila Vudali.

Choreography: by Navia Natarajan (bharatanatyam), Niharika (odissi). Akhil Srinivasan-Joondeph (odissi-Guru Shradha), Lee Dynes and Hannah Doughri (Aswat-Arab music ensemble). 3:30 p.m. Cubberley Theater, 4000 Middlefield Rd., Palo Alto. https://www.brownpapertickets. com/browse.html

Drama Festival. Organized by Bannadavesha. 5:00 p.m. Evergreen Valley High School 3300 Quimby Road, San Jose. (732) 766-8470. Pakistan Independence Day—Live Band with Ali Haider. Keynote speakers: Abdul Jabber Memon, Consul General of Pakistan L.A. and Sabahat Rafiq, Executive Director UWR. Dinner and entertainment. Organized by Urdu News. 7:00 p.m. Mehran Restaurant, 5774 Mowry School Road, Newark. (501) 723-4270.

August

12 Saturday

Bharatanatyam Arangretram of Nambita Sahai. Student of Vishal

Ramani, Artistic Director of Sri Krupa Dance Company. Accompanied by Vishal Ramani (choerography), C.K. Vasudevan (nattuvangam), Kaushik Champakesan (vocal), M. Dhanamjayan (mridangam), N. Veeramani (violin). Organized by Sri Krupa Dance Company. 3:30 p.m. http:// www.shrikrupa.org/skdfmain/upcomingevents.html.

Entertainments. 7:00 p.m. City National Civic 135 W San Carlos St, San Jose. (916) 768-5980.

FOG India Day Fair and Parade. The two day fair with over 300 booths and exhibits on products, services, arts, crafts, literature, fashion and design. Organized by Federation of Indo-Americans of Northern California. 10 a.m.-7 p.m. FOG Parade 39439 Paseo Padre Parkway, Fremont. www,.ogsv.org, (510) 304-5619.

10 Thursday

Bharatanatyam Arangetram of Shatoparba Banerjee. Student of Shreelata

Sukhwinder Singh and Ali Zafar Live Concert. Organized by 555

August

4th Annual Desi Comedy Fest. An

11-day, 9- city comedy festival featuring South Asian comedians fromaround the globe. Organized by Desi Comedy Fest. 8:00 p.m. San Francisco, Berkeley, Mill Valley, Santa Cruz, Santa Clara, Union City, Livermore, Alameda, and www.DesiComedyFest.com/201www.DesiComedyFest.com.

August

11 Friday

nATakOtsava 2017—Multi Lingual

Suresh, Artistic Director, Vishwa Shanti Dance Academy. Organized by Sayantika and Subhasis Banerjee. 3:30 p.m.-7:00 p.m. Cubberly Theater, 4000 Middlefield Road, Palo Alto. (650) 678-5419.

Bharatanatyam Arangetram of Gayathri Gupta. Student of Sundara

Swaminathan, Artistic Director of Kala Vandana Dance Company. Accompanied by musicians from Chennai, India. Organized by Kala Vandana Dance Company. 4:00 p.m. -6:00 p.m. Mexican Heritage Plaza Theater 1700 Alum Rock Ave., San

events

Californiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Best Guide to Indian Events

Bharatanatyam Arangretrams

Juhi Thomas, August 20; Surabhi Rao, August 19 ; Pooja Nair, August 13; Gayathri Gupta, August 12 from Kala Vandana Dance School

Jose. http://facebook.com/kalavandana.

Asha Bhosle and Javed Ali Live.

Organized by Asha Bhosle. 8:30 p.m. Event Center at SJSU 290 S 7th St., San Jose. https://www.facebook.com/ events/1908270819428843/?active_ tab=about.

August

13 Sunday

Bharatanatyam Arangretram of Sunayana Pai. Student of Vishal

Ramani, Artistic Director of Sri Krupa Dance Company. Accompanied by Vishal Ramani (choerography), C.K. Vasudevan (nattuvangam), Kaushik Champakesan (vocal), M. Dhanamjayan (mridangam), N. Veeramani (violin). Organized by Sri Krupa Dance Company. 3:30 p.m. Woodside High Performing Arts Center 199 Churchill Ave, Woodside. http://www.shrikrupa.org/skdfmain

Bharatanatyam Arangetram of Pooja Nair. Student of Sundara Swaminathan, Artistic Director of Kala Vandana Dance Company. Accompanied by musi-

cians from Chennai, India. Organized by Kala Vandana Dance Company. 4:00 p.m. Mexican Heritage Plaza Theater 1700 Alum Rock Ave., San Jose. http://facebook. com/kalavandana.

SamMoha-Illusions of the Mind and Margamâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Bharatanatyam Concerts. Janani Narayanan perform-

ing SamMoha-Illusions of the Mind and Vidhya Subramanian presenting Margam with a difference. Organized by Nrityakalya Dance Company. 4:00 p.m. Cubberly Theater 4000 Middlefield Rd., Palo Alto. www.nrityakalya.org/vidhyasubramanian

August

14 Monday

Webinar on University of California (UC) College Admissions. What are the UC requirements and application components? What do admissions evaluators look for in a competitive application? Take this online webinar to get an overview of admissions requirements presented by an expert college admissions consultant. Organized by Decipher Col-

lege Consulting. 8-9 p.m. Online https:// www.deciphercollegeconsulting.com/simpl-eschedule 510-996-2616.

August

19 Saturday

Bharatanatyam Arangretram of Shivani Rajagopalan. Student of

Vishal Ramani, Artistic Director of Sri Krupa Dance Company. Accompanied by Vishal Ramani (choerography), C.K. Vasudevan (nattuvangam), Kaushik Champakesan (vocal), M. Dhanamjayan (mridangam), N. Veeramani (violin). Organized by Sri Krupa Dance Company. 3:30 p.m. McAfee Performing Arts and Lecture Center 20300 Herriman Ave., Saratoga. http://www.shrikrupa.org/skdfmain/ upcomingevents.html.

Bharatanatyam Arangetram of Vennela Chukka. Student of Mythili

Kumar, Artistic Director of Abhinaya Dance Company. Accompanied by a live orchestra. Organized by Abhinaya Dance Company. 5-7 p.m. Woodside High School Performing Arts Center 199 Churchill Ave., Woodside. www.abhinaya.org (408) 871-5959.

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 63

events

California’s Best Guide to Indian Events Alum Rock Ave., San Jose. http://facebook. com/kalavandana.

August

26 Saturday

Bharatanatyam Arangretram of Anika Karody. Student of Vishal

Ramani, Artistic Director of Sri Krupa Dance Company. Accompanied by Vishal Ramani (choerography), C.K. Vasudevan (nattuvangam), Kaushik Champakesan (vocal), M. Dhanamjayan (mridangam), N. Veeramani (violin). Organized by Sri Krupa Dance Company. 3:30 p.m. Cubberley Community Center Theatre 4000 Middlefield Rd., Palo Alto. http://www.shrikrupa.org/skdfmain/upcomingevents.html.

Utsav—Odissi Dance Show. Jyoti

Kala Mandir’s annual Odissi dance celebration, showcasing new items along with celebrated choreographies of Artistic Director Jyoti Rout, performed by the junior to senior dancers of the school. Organized by Jyoti Kala Mandir College of Indian Classical Art. 4-6 p.m. Shirdi Sai Parivar 1221 California Circle, Milpitas. www.jyotikalamandir.org (510) 589-3989.

Bharatanatyam Arangetram of Pooja Akella. Student of Mythili A Work in Progress—bharatanatyam concert by Urmila Vudali, August 6.

Sangeethotsavam—An All-day Music Festival. Organized by SR Fine Arts. 8:45 a.m.-10 p.m. Community Of Infinite Spirit 1540 Hicks Avenue, San Jose. (408) 973-1017.

Bharatanatyam Arangetram of Surabhi Rao. Student of Sundara

Swaminathan, Artistic Director of Kala Vandana Dance Company. Accompanied by musicians from Chennai, India. Organized by Kala Vandana Dance Company. 4:00 p.m. Mexican Heritage Plaza Theater 1700 Alum Rock Ave., San Jose. http://facebook.com/kalavandana.

Veena Concert by Saranya Rajagopalan. Organized by Lotus. 7:00 p.m.

Santana Dharma Kendra (SDK) 193 Commercial St., Sunnyvale. 64 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

August

20 Sunday

Vivah 2017 Bridal Expo Bay Area.

Wedding expo, live performances, and 4 segments of designer fashion shows. Organized by Vivah Wedding & Lifestyle Expo. 11:00 a.m. Santa Clara Convention Center 5001 Great America Parkway, Santa Clara. http://events.sulekha.com/vivah2017-bridal-expo-bay-area-10th-anniversary-edition_event-in_santa-clara-ca_315570.

Bharatanatyam Arangetram of Juhi Thomas. Student of Sundara Swamina-

than, Artistic Director of Kala Vandana Dance Company. Accompanied by musicians from Chennai, India. Organized by Kala Vandana Dance Company. 4:00 p.m. Mexican Heritage Plaza Theater 1700

Kumar, Artistic Director of Abhinaya Dance Company. Accompanied by a live orchestra. Organized by Abhinaya Dance Company. 5:30 - 7:30 p.m. Menlo Atherton Center for Performing Arts 555 Middlefield Rd., Atherton. www.abhinaya.org (408) 871-5959.

Pittsburg Teeyan Da Mela 2017.

Hosted by Ruby Raju and Pawan Kulwinder Drotch. Ladies and Children only event. Teeyan Da Mela or Fair of Daughters is celebrated in the state of Punjab in India and it is one of a kind celebration in the name of all females and particularly the daughters in the society. Organized by Desiroot. 1 p.m. Rancho Medanos Junior High School 2301 Range Road, Pittsburg. (925) 550-1088.

Shreya Ghoshal Live In Concert with Grand Symphony. Organized by Instant Karma, Shor Media and Calcoast Financial Corp. 8:00 p.m. Oracle Arena

events 7000 Coliseum Way, Oakland. http://events. sulekha.com/shreya-ghoshal-concert-in-bayarea_event-in_oakland-ca_313587.

August

27 Sunday

California’s Best Guide to Indian Events ference. 8:00 a.m. Santa Clara Convention Center 5001 Great America Parkway, Santa Clara. http://globalbigdataconference.com/ santa-clara/5th-annual-global-big-data-conference/attendee-registration-85.html (408) 400-3769.

September

2 Saturday

Surmayi Shaam. A benefit concert Kitchen Khiladi Contest 2017.

Organized by Bharati Tamil Sangam. 2:00 p.m. Sunnyvale Hindu Temple 420-450 Persian Drive, Sunnyvale. www.cifwia.org.

Sur Sangam by Ashit and Hema Desai. Organized by Javanika Entertainments. 6:00 p.m. India Community Center (ICC) 525 Los Coches St., Milpitas. http:// www.indiacc.org/.

Bharatanatyam Arangretram of Bhavya Kadiyala. Student of Vishal

Ramani, Artistic Director of Sri Krupa Dance Company. Accompanied by Vishal Ramani (choerography), C.K. Vasudevan (nattuvangam), Kaushik Champakesan (vocal), M. Dhanamjayan (mridangam), N. Veeramani (violin). Organized by Sri Krupa Dance Company. 3:30 p.m. McAfee Performing Arts and Lecture Center 20300 Herriman Ave., Saratoga. http://www.shrikrupa.org/skdfmain/upcomingevents.html.

August

29 Tuesday

5th Annual Global Big Data Conference. The event will feature many of

the Big Data thought leaders from the industry. Speakers will showcase successful industry vertical use cases, share development and administration tips, and educate organizations about how best to leverage Data (Big Data, Smart Data, Fast Data, Little Data) as a key component in their enterprise data architecture. It will also be an excellent networking event for Executives( CXO’s, VP, Directors), Managers, developers, architects, administrators, data analysts, data scientists, statisticians, AI professionals and vendors interested in advancing, extending or implementing Big Data. Organized by Global Big Data Con-

by the Trichur Brothers. Organized by Nandalala Mission. 4-7:00 p.m. CET-Soto Theater 701 Vine St., San Jose. nandalala@

Southern California CULTURAL CALENDER August

6 Sunday

America 2014 Nina Davuluri. Organized by Hindu American Foundation. 6-10:00 p.m. 3903 E. Mandeville Place, Orange. https://www.hafsite.org/media/pr/northernca-gala-dinner-2017

12 Saturday

Pakistan Independence Day Festival. Shopping, food, entertainment.

Organized by Pakistan Chamber of Commerce. 3:00 p.m. La Palma Park 1151 La Palma Avenue, Anaheim.

Independence Day Celebration. Featuring flag hoisting, cultural programs, kids programs and more. Organized by City of Artesia, FIA and UFICA. 4-10:00 p.m. Artesia Park 18750 Clarkdale Ave., Artesia. (562) 708-7208.

August

September

17 Thursday

Keshav Joshi (tabla) and Narendra Nayak (harmonium). Organized by Swar Sudha. 4:30-6 p.m. Evergreen Valley High School Performing Arts Theater 3300 Quimby Road, San Jose. http://www.swarsudha.org (408) 398-8160. Adler Academy of Acting & Theatre 6773 Hollywood Blvd, .Los Angeles. https://www. plays411.com/.

is under intense interrogation for a horrible crime she had no idea she had committed… but she was only late for school. There will be 10 or 11 plays (ten minutes each) performed in the evening. Organized by Short and Sweet Hollywood Festival. 8:00 p.m.-10:00 p.m. Stella

19 Saturday

India Independence Day Celebration. National Anthem, talent show, live

music, fashion show, performances by various Indian dance academies, Mr./Miss/ Mrs. India fashion show, and fancy dress show. Organized by Our Indian Culture. 5:30 p.m. Lakeview Senior Center 20 Lake Rd., Irvine. (949) 529-1466.

August

26 Saturday

18th Annual Independence Day Celebrations. There will be 70 booth at

the event, which will include food booth, jewelry, clothing, Non profits etc. Free Health Fair from 5 pm-7 pm. It will provide free health and eye checkup. Organized by India Association of Los Angeles (IALA). 3:00 p.m. Chatsworth High School 10027 Lurline Avenue, Los Angeles. (310) 343-9471.

August

Late for School—A Solo Play by Aish-veryaa Nidhi. A school teacher

10 Sunday

Hindustani Vocal Concert by Jayateerth Mevundi. Accompanied by

August

HAF Gala Fundraiser. Featuring Miss

August

nandalala.com (408) 681-9454.

27 Sunday

Shreya Goshal Live in Concert. Organized by Sankara Eye Foundation. 7:00 p.m. Microsoft Theater 777

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 65

Om Sri Mathre Namaha Vaidica Vidhya Ganapathi Center SRI LAKSHMI GANAPATHI TEMPLE

(408) 226-3600

32B Rancho Drive, San Jose, CA 95111

(Capitol Expressway West and Montrey Road Junction, Opposite and 1 Block from Capitol Cal Train Station)

www.vvgc.org or siliconvalleyhindutemple.com in the morning at 6.30 am. Sri Venkateswara Suprabhatam. Continued with Sri Lakshmi Ganapathi homa / Sri Lakshmi Ganapathi st abhisheka. Sri Bhuwaneswari / Sri Lalihta Devi 6.00 am 1 Batch Please bring the following itmes for Thalai Avani abhisheka, Sri Lalitha Sahasra Nama chanting. 7.00 am 2nd Batch Sri Siddhi Vinayaka Vratha pooja aarati and Avvittam: 1St Year Prathama Sravanam 8.00 am 3rd Batch manthra pushpa. Brahmacharis Sundal, Appam, and Prasadam 9.00 am 4th Batch th for naivedyam. Please contact the temple for 10.00 am 5 Batch Morning at 8.00 am, Samopakarma Sama further details. 11.00 am 6th Batch Veda upakarma. Only one batch, please contact 12.00 noon 7th Batch Th the temple for further details. Tuesday August 8 : Morning at 7.00 am, Gayathri japam / homam. All Are Welcome to Please bring following items for the Sri Vara Continuous Archana, Night at 10.15 pm, Sukh participate with family. Lakshmi Vratha pooja: Turmeric powder, Karta Dukh Hartha aarathi and Sri Jai Kumkum, Sandal powder, Agarbathi, Camphor, Th Jagadeesha Hare aarati for balaji ekanda seva Friday August 11 : Sri Maha Sankata Hara Beetle leaves-6 nos, Beetle nuts-4 nos, and the temple closes. Chathurthi. Evening at 4.00 pm, Sri Coconut, varieties of Fruits and Flowers, Sri Bhuwaneswari / Sri Lalitha Devi abhisheka. Vara Lakshmi deity (Silver mukham), Silver Saturday August 26th: Sri Rishi Panchami. kalasam (if available), Pancha pathra uththrani, Continued with Sri Lalitha Shasra Nama Kalasa vasthram, Small deepam and Prasadam chanting. Evening at 5.00 pm, Sri Lakshmi Sunday August 27th: Sri Sukla Sashti Vratha Ganapathi homa / Sri Lakhsmi Ganapathi for naivedyam. night at 8.30 pm Sri Valli Deva Sena Sametha, abhisheka aarati and manthra pushpa. Sri Subramanya Sahasra Nama archana. Evening at 4.00 pm, Sri Bhuwaneswari / Sri Lalihta Devi abhisheka. Continued with Sri Monday August 14Th: Evening at 6.30 pm, Sri Lalitha Sahsra nama chanting aarati and Saturday September 2nd: 2.00 pm, Guru Krishna Janma Ashtami, Sri Gokula Ashami. manthra pushpa. Evening at 6.00 pm, Sri Transition Homa. Special pooja aarati and manthra pushpa. Samoohika Sri Varalakhsmi Vratha pooja aarati th and manthra pushpa. Tuesday August 15Th: Aadi Kritikai. Evening at Monday September 4 : Vonam Pandigai Thiruvonam festival. 6.00 pm, Kavadi festival, Sri Valli Deva Sena Please bring following items for Sri Vara Sametha, Sri Subramanya abhisheka aarati and Lakshmi Vratha samoohika Pooja: Turmeric Wednesday September 6th: Mahalaya Paksha manthra pushpa. powder, Kumkum, Varieties of Fruits, Flowers, Pithru Paksha begins. and Prasadam for naivedyam. Saturday August 19Th: Evening at 4.00 pm, Sri Sunday September 10th: Sri Maha Bharani. Venkateswara abhisheka. Continued with Sri Vishnu Sahasra Nama chanting. Sani Monday August 7th: Rig / Yajur upakarma Monday September 11th: Kritika Vratha (Avani avittam), Bhramacharis samithathanam, Pradosham, Shiva Sri Rudra abhisheka aarati evening at 6.30 pm. Sri Valli Deva Sena and manthra pushpa. Kamokarishith japam, Brahma yagnam, Maha sametha. Sri Subramanya abhisheka. sankalpam, Noothana yagnopaveedah St Monday August 21 : Amavasya. Total solar dharanam, Akandha Rishi tharpanam, Sri Wednesday September 13th: Sri Madhya eclipse begins in the morning at 9.01 am and Vigneswara / Sri Vishwekshena aaradhana Ashtami. Sri Munithreya, Vaikanasa, Sri ends at 11.37 am. Pari Hara Nakshatras pooja, Varuna sahitha Sri Veda Vysya pooja, Pancharathra, Sri Jayanathi. Makha (Makham), Asleha (Ayilyam), Poorva homa, Sri Veda arambaham, aaseervadham, Phalguni (Pubba) (Pooram), Moola (Moolam), and Theertha prasada viniyogam. th Aswathi (Aswini). Please contact the temple for Thursday September 14 : Sri Avidhava Navami, Sri Mahavyadeeya Padam. further details. 1St Batch 6.00 am 2nd Batch 8.00 am Sunday September 17th: Pradosham evening Thursday August 24Th: Evening at 7.00 pm, 3Rd Batch 10.00 am at 4.00 pm. Shiva Sri Rudra abhisheka, Sri Sri Swana Gowri Vratha. Please contact the Lakshmi Ganapathi abhisheka, Sri Valli Deva temple for further details. Please bring the following items for the Sena Sametha Sri Subramanya abhisheka, Upakarma Avani Avittam Pancha Pathhira th Friday August 25 : Sri Ganesh Chathurthi, Sri aarati and manthra pushpa. Uththanai: Plate (Thambalam), Rice, Moong Vinayaka Chathurthi Mahothsav. Temple opens dhall, Jaggery, Black seaseme seeds, (Black / Friday August 4th: Sri Varalakshmi Vratha Pooja.

Please Make A Note:: Temple Address:: 32 Rancho Drive, San Jose CA 95111 Temple Timings: Week Days Morning 10.00 Am To 12 Noon, Evening At 6.00 pm To 8.00 pm Week Ends And Holidays 10.00 am To 8.00 pm

FOR BHAJAN'S RELIGIOUS DISCOURSES, MUSIC AND DANCE PERFORMANCES, PRIVATE POOJAS PLEASE CONTACT TEMPLE FOR FURTHER DETAILS MANGALANI BHAVANTHU,SUBHAM BHUYATH,LOKA SAMASTHA SUKINO BHAVANTHU, LOVE ALL SERVE ALL LOVE IS ALL

For Pujas & Rituals Contact: PANDIT

GANESH SHASTHRY

880 East Fremont Ave #302, Cupertino Villas, Sunnyvale, CA 94087

(408) 245-5443 / Cell: (925) 209-7637 E-mail: srikalahatheeswara@yahoo.com

Home:

66 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

INDIA CURRENTS GRAPHICS (408) 324-0488

Ellu, Till / Naala Nuvulu), Verities of Fruits, Flower, Coconut, Beetle leaves-4 nos, Beetle nuts-2 nos and Prasadam for naivedyam.

NOT DONE YOUR TAXES YET?

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 67

68 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

August 2017 | West Coast Edition | www.indiacurrents.com | 69

70 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

ö XI m;;F;e n;m;/ All kinds of Hindu traditional Pujas and homas Ganapathi, Navagraha, Vasthu, Ayushya Homas, Marriages, Seemantham, Nama-karnam, Upanayanam, Sathyanarayana Puja, Lakshmi Puja, Durga Sapthasathi Yanthra Puja. Hiranya Sradha and last rites. American born children’s horoscopes.

Pt. Ganesh Shasthry 880 E. Fremont Ave., #302 Sunnyvale, CA 94087

Home (408) 245-5443 Cell (925) 209-7637 Kabalikarpaga@hotmail.com

l;ek:; s;m;st;; s;uiK;n;;e B;v;nt;u

VEDIC SAMPRADAYA RITUALS ALL TRADITIONAL HINDU PUJAS & HOMAS LIKE:

• Ganapati, Navagraha Homas • Upanayana, Seemantham, Marriages • Sradha, Funeral Services Classes in Puja Vidhi & Veda Chanting

PANDIT RAVICHANDRAN Veda Pandit • Sahitya Siromani 1193 Bluebell Drive, Livermore, CA 94550

(925) 449-0620

E-mail: panditravi@comcast.net

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healthy life

Think Away Your Chronic Pain By Vijay Gupta

n his book, The Divided Mind, John Sarno describes the case of a young engineer who was suffering from severe back and leg pain for over eight months. He had tried conventional treatments, but to no avail. His MRI showed a herniated disk for which he had been advised surgery. Hoping to avoid this, he came to Dr. Sarno, a pioneer in treating mindbody disorders. On the day of his appointment, his leg pain was especially severe. During the consultation, he described how his job, in which he supervised four people, was very stressful and burdensome. Then, as the conversation continued, he suddenly realized something and said, “I don’t want that job of mine. It’s too hard and there’s too much responsibility. I want a job where someone will tell me what to do.” And as this revelation flashed in his mind, his severe leg pain simply disappeared. If this anecdote about the healing power of the mind seems incredible, you can find other similar, albeit less dramatic stories when you read the numerous online reviews for the books mentioned later. Many people have cured their refractory chronic pain of decades by simply reading a book!

Mind Over Body

There is little doubt that our mind affects our body in myriad ways. We blush when we are embarrassed, our blood pressure increases when we visit a doctor’s office, and our heart races when we are frightened. In these examples, the association between the psychological cause and the physiological effect is easy to see because both are acute (short-lived). However, when certain negative emotions such as anger or anxiety become chronic, they often lead to physiological effects or disorders that are also chronic. This makes it harder to determine the root cause of such disorders. Examples of such chronic or recurrent disorders include musculoskeletal disorders such as back pain, neck and shoulder pain, sciatica, carpal tunnel syndrome, as well as other disorders like migraine headaches. Although these disorders may be simply referred to as psychosomatic disorders or mind-body disorders, they are also known by a more distinctive name: Tension Myositis (or myoneural) Syndrome or TMS.

Psychological Origins of TMS

Many people experience negative emotions, such as anger, anxiety, fear, or guilt in their lives. These emotions may arise from a traumatic episode in the past, or from a current situation such as a difficult boss, family conflict, or serious health issue. Such emotions are often short-lived, but when they become chronic, they become unbearable. Moreover, open venting of such emotions may be socially unacceptable. Consequently, they get buried or repressed in the subconscious recesses of the mind where they start producing TMS symptoms such as

72 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

chronic muscle pain. According to Sarno, a key purpose of these TMS symptoms is to create a physical distraction for the mind to keep it focused away from the repressed emotions. Thus if you relieve a specific symptom of TMS, such as shoulder pain with drugs or surgery, without addressing its root cause (repressed emotions), the pain will move to another part of the body. This is called the “symptom imperative,” and ensures that physical pain is always present to distract the mind away from repressed emotions. An alternative theory by Dr. Scott Brady posits that the continual stresses and negative emotions in our modern life overload our autonomic (involuntary) nervous system (ANS) which was designed to handle such stresses (requiring a fight-orflight response) for short periods only. The perpetual overloading of ANS leads to what Brady calls the “autonomic overload syndrome (AOS).” Both TMS and AOS have similar symptoms and treatment options.

Physiology of TMS

The TMS pain isn’t “all in your mind.” It is a real pain caused by a physical dysfunction. However, the dysfunction itself is caused by the mind and not by a structural abnormality. The mind controls the involuntary functions of the body such as heart rate through the ANS. In particular, the ANS regulates the circulation of blood within the muscles through the widening and narrowing of tiny blood vessels called arterioles. The TMS pain is caused by the narrowing of these blood vessels, which reduces blood and oxygen supply to muscles, leading to oxygen deprivation and pain. For example, studies show that chronic neck pain is associated with reduced blood flow to the upper trapezius muscle.

Diagnosing TMS

There is no single definitive test for TMS. However, a number of clues may point towards it. The failure of conventional treatments to control the chronic pain is a significant clue. The TMS pain also tends to increase during a stressful period and decrease during a relaxing activity or vacation. Moreover, the TMS pain may jump around in the body, i.e. when the pain in one area subsides, the pain in another area becomes more intense. The personality of the patient may also provide some clues. People who are perfectionists, people-pleasers (who can’t say no), or stoics are more likely to get TMS. A good candidate for TMS is a traditional Indian woman who often says “yes” to her mother-in-law’s unreasonable requests with a smile, while building up deep resentment inside. All these clues and pain symptoms may be weighted and combined using an online questionnaire (google for TMS Questionnaire). If the overall evidence is still inconclusive, a consultation with a psychotherapist may be helpful in making a

final diagnosis.

Treatment of TMS

The TMS treatment begins with the education of the patients. For best results, the patients must sincerely believe that their pain is psychosomatic, not structural. This may involve attending some lectures on TMS or reading some books, such as The Divided Mind and Healing Back Pain by John Sarno, Pain Free For Life by Scott Brady, and Unlearn Your Pain by Howard Schubiner. Many patients heal by learning the true cause of their pain, namely, repressed negative emotions. The next step in the treatment involves therapeutic writing, also called depth journaling. It is a form of self-discovery in which patients write a daily journal about their stresses and sources of negative emotions, both past and present. In principle, TMS would disappear if patients could simply banish negative emotions from their lives. But this is usually impractical. For example, one may learn to control overt anger, but taming subconscious anger and resentment requires nothing short of a major spiritual transformation. As part of the treatment, patients are also encouraged to resume normal physical activities that may have been restricted to do earlier based on incorrect structural diagnoses. There is no drug, surgery, or physical therapy required at any stage of the treatment. However, in some cases, psychotherapy may be required to unearth deeply buried emotions. This mind-body approach has been successfully used by Sarno, Brady, and others to treat thousands of TMS patients. Approximately 80% of these patients have achieved a remarkable 80-100% improvement in their pain within a few months. If you are intrigued by the possibility that your chronic pain may be related to TMS, please read a TMS book and follow the steps suggested. As you think away (and write away) your chronic pain, you can thank Dr. Sarno for his path breaking research in this field. n

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dear doctor

Pity, Sympathy Or Compassion: How to Help By Alzak Amlani

When I encounter someone in pain— physical, emotional or otherwise, I tend to have strong reactions. I think of how unfair it is for someone to suffer or I get into pitying them. I feel sorry and start to feel sad. I hear people talking about sympathy and compassion and sometimes I can’t quite tell the difference between these different responses. I feel stuck in pity and don’t know how to make changes. How do I stay open to other’s suffering and find a way to be strong and helpful?

This does sound like a difficult dilemma for you and I appreciate the entire topic that you are raising in your question. Since suffering is an integral part of life, exploring how we can respond to pain is an essential inquiry and learning in life. Often we can’t stop pain and suffering, so understanding it more deeply becomes highly valuable. Pity is condescending, it is a looking

down on the other person and separates us from another in a kind of superior way. Additionally, we do not understand another in this way, rather we imagine negative scenarios and often don’t do much to help them. Unless you pity yourself, you’re usually not drawn to a person who pities you. Sympathy is an identification with another’s experience. It is a kind of joining with the other person. Their pain becomes ours. We tend to lose ourselves in their plight and issues. In losing our own self in their distress, sadness or grievance, we sink in their suffering and lose our own objectivity, strength and resourcefulness. Compassion requires a deeper level of understanding and engagement. It’s a response from strength and wishing for the alleviation of another’s suffering without an agenda or even judging their condition. Without losing ourselves, we become intimate with the problem or person in need.

We hold the suffering with them and begin to realize from a differentiated perspective, that their pain and ours are deeply connected. This fosters opening of the heart through feeling like we are all jewels in Indra’s net. In this Indo-Chinese view, the universe is a spacious net, with jewels at each juncture, reflecting all the other jewels in the net. Each jewel exists in relationship with another. This allows us to see a person as a whole being, regardless of their situation. It also allows us to be strong, stand up for injustice and speak out truth without blame or violence. Lastly, we realize that all of life’s experiences offer value and if contemplated deeply, suffering especially cultivates compassion. n Alzak Amlani, Ph.D., is a counseling psychologist of Indian descent in the Bay Area. 650-325-8393. Visit www.wholenesstherapy.com

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the last word

Are Indian Weddings Too Ostentatious?

By Sarita Sarvate

saw Monsoon Wedding, the new musical, with a group of Indian women friends recently. We laughed at familiar idiomatic expressions, translated, at times awkwardly, from Hindi into English. We got nostalgic listening to old melodies. I even got teary-eyed when a second generation Indian-American young man crooned “Neither here nor there,” a song about his longing for his native culture. He reminded me of my sons. But afterward, I felt a little uneasy. I’ve always had mixed feelings about Indian weddings. Back home in Nagpur, weddings were anything but romantic. I attended dozens every summer, but as I sat in the canvas canopy, being assaulted by loudspeakers blaring sad Marathi songs, like Jaa Muli Jaa Dilya Ghari Tu Sukhi Raha—Go daughter go, live happily in the home you’ve been given into, while the children shrieked and the bride and the groom stood like sacrificial animals on the bohala—the wedding altar—separated by the antarpat, the holy cloth, and two priests sang the mangalashtakas—the religious mantras, I could only think, “This is not for me.” Then the cloth would be removed and the bride and the groom would make eye contact, as if for the first time. For all practical purposes, it was their first time, I suppose. Their prior meetings, conducted only in the presence of chaperones, hardly counted. There was no dating, no premarital romance or sex, and no cohabitation. In the 110 degree heat of summer, the canopy would feel like an oven, but my aunts would slave doggedly over open wood fires lit under tin sheds, rolling chapathis and stirring laddoo mix while men leaned against white bolsters, talking of politics. My father, the eldest brother and the patriarch, was often obligated to serve an important role in such gatherings. He would manage to leave the canopy as soon as possible nevertheless, and lecture me afterwards about the needless fanfare and expense of Indian weddings. Arguing against the evil practice of dowry, he would ask, “Why don’t they just have a registered marriage and save their money for something more useful?” He was right of course. Those were the decades when India was a desperately poor country, when we had food rationing, when it was difficult for middle class families to eat nutritious food or have a decent place to live. As I grew up, I began to emulate my father’s love of solitude and tranquility, his appreciation for contemplation and introspection, and most of all, his ability to view his world with an outsider’s eye. When I came to California in the late seventies, Berkeley was still in throes of the hippy revolution. My American friends’ weddings were DIY affairs for which brides sewed their own dresses and couples exchanged vows in someone’s backyard. I loved those simple romantic ceremonies, partly because they comported with my father’s principles but also because they captured for me the essence of what a union of kindred spirits ought to entail. In the nineties, however, everything changed. If American weddings began to resemble Hollywood extravaganzas, Indian 78 | INDIA CURRENTS | West Coast Edition | August 2017

A Maharashtrian wedding was different from a Malayali one, but today all the regional diversity of wedding rituals is lost. weddings became insanely ostentatious. Nowadays, they mandate designer saris worth thousands of dollars, blouses covering less skin than bras, and diamondencrusted gold jewelry. Unlike American weddings, in which guests are expected to foot their own hotel bills and are only fed one or two fixed-menu official meals, in India, the bride’s father is required to offer his guests room and board for days on end, not to mention receptions involving at least three types of cuisine. If there are not stations for chaat as well as Italian and Chinese food, I suppose Indian guests would simply feel robbed of their birthright. Of course such lavish weddings would not be possible without India’s servant class, which remains exploited, with no official benefits like social security, healthcare, or vacations. In directing Monsoon Wedding, Mira Nair poignantly captures the plight of the servant girl, who moans about having to wash clothes she’ll never wear or food she will ever eat. Still, to most Indians, servants today remain an invisible class, ready for exploitation. The other problem is that thanks to television, Indian weddings, particularly in America, have acquired a homogenized character. Turbaned bridegrooms ride horses today, brides wear lehengas, and guests dance to the beat of the bhangra. Once upon a time, a Maharashtrian wedding was entirely different from a Malayali one, but today all the regional diversity of wedding ritual or cuisine is lost. At this point, I can envision the objections of my readers, a wedding is a big occasion in one’s life, one can do whatever one wants with one’s money, India is not poor any more, etc. The most troubling excuse I have come across is that a wedding is an opportunity for a businessman to liaise with his clients. News reports indicate however that an Indian wedding is not just an innocent personal experience. Abuse and exploitation through demand for dowry are on the rise, even leading to brides’ deaths. No wonder I cringe every time I see the conspicuous consumption at Indian weddings. I am not saying that you should live like Mahatma Gandhi. But in an era when Donald Trump is proving how avarice for gold plated toilets and crystal chandeliers is not an innocent indulgence but a path to unscrupulous power-mongering, fascism, and oppression, every citizen has a responsibility to set a good example. And I miss my father and his values more than ever. n Sarita Sarvate (www.saritasarvate.com) has published commentaries for New America Media, KQED FM, San Jose Mercury News, the Oakland Tribune, and many nationwide publications.

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