Security is not my middle name Hope like a first love Is all encompassing Exceeding all possible loves I remember what it was like to To feel , and dance in ultraviolet waves of warmth and life. I know I was safe once. But security is not my middle name Peace is implausible, A shape shifting, swindling spider A facade Fading as soon as it arrives. When I was 4 I almost drowned in a pool A part of me Still exists there Still suffocating I’m bereaved I’m hungry To remember What it must be like, to not feel residual.
Crazy I’m not too much I’m not crazy I am the sum Of many parts To understand me Is beyond Your caliber.
Unrequited It’s been raining on and off for 3 hours The windows are tinted with fog and drops of crystalline I sit beside you Wrapped in your warm limbs While tracing invisible masterpieces onto your skin with cold nimble fingers. You hold me with hands made of steel Carrying me along the bridge to full recovery. And in return, I give you the right to rearrange my furniture Ruin my feng shui Make space for yourself, permanently. Together, we sit in silence, listening to the synchronization of our breaths. As I lean into your chest... I like think of us this way.
To my Dad It hurts me To recognize that you were once a child Scared and susceptible. I wish I could have been there To hold your hand To kiss you at night To let you know that everything would be alright. Maybe if I had Things would be different between us.
I Love You Looking at you As I scan and preserve The details of curves and crevices I trust you, I say I look away briefly, I wash your face. Delicately. As water drips and dangles from your chin I look to you One more time I smile and think I love you You make me want to hone in On the part of myself That likes beautiful things.
Irrelevant I cut my hair long ago Yet, I can still feel where it used to lay And in the howling wind I can still feel it bellowing against my neck. I’d like to think I carry traces of you in the same way That something significant still remains between us. I was angry The way you left I couldn’t comprehend it. But it doesn’t matter. In the grand scheme Everything is irrelevant. As I walk to the bus stop Neon yellow lights emerge from the darkness Inching closer and closer toward me I try to run, but I’m not fast enough The lights fade I slow my pace. And without humiliation I walk home
Some Nights I cry Knowing That the weight of yesterday’s thoughts Will feel heavier tomorrow As they always do.
Empty Writing too many words down Makes me feel empty inside But I can never truly be empty Because this is where I live where I love. Inside is me. looped around organs Nestled comfortably between bones I am spit Blood Sweat And tears every atom The liver The skin Writing too many words Makes me feel empty inside But I can never truly be empty.