Keys, Please

How to know when it’s time for your aging parent to give up driving.

Henrietta Davis is 94, and while driving, she almost hit a car. Doris Allen is 92 and fell asleep at the wheel, hit a tree and narrowly avoided a pond.

Indianapolis resident Rachel Hanley is 84. She knew that she had to relinquish her keys, so she took stock of alternate transportation after making notes of destinations she frequented during the course of a week. “Giving up driving was like giving up my right arm,” Hanley says. “It was so much a part of my life. I had worked hard not to have to rely on anyone for anything as I aged, and now I felt as though I was giving up my freedom. And, for the first time, I felt ‘elderly’ — a term I swore I would never use.”

More Older Drivers are on the Road

In 2017, there were almost 44 million drivers over the age of 65 in the United States. According to the Automobile Association of America (AAA), by the year 2030, it is projected that 70 million Americans will be over the age of 65, and that 85% to 90% of them will be licensed to drive.

Christine Meyer, director of communications and public affairs for The Bureau of Motor Vehicles in Indianapolis, says that for drivers under the age of 74, a license is valid for six years. From ages 75 to 84, a license is valid for three years. But at 85 and above, a license has to be renewed every two years. All license renewals include a vision screening, but no additional written exam.

However, Meyer adds: “If an individual appears to possess a mental or physical issue that could possibly cause them to be a hazard to themselves or others, we can refuse to provide licensure until they provide information demonstrating their ability to meet our requirements.” A form must be completed in full before the state will initiate any review of a driver. The Driver Ability Department will not process any reviews from an anonymous source. However, the name of the individual requesting the review will be kept confidential.

Giving Up Driving: When’s the Right Time?

AAA offers a brochure called “Drivers 65 Plus” that features a 15-question self-rating driving assessment exercise, so that you can examine your loved one’s driving performance. AAA also offers a “professional driving assessment,” which includes a driving skills evaluation and a clinical driving assessment to identify underlying medical causes of driving performance issues. Costs for these evaluations vary, but you can find out more information at seniordriving. aaa.com.

“After a few expletives, I realized that the conversation [about giving up driving] was only going to go downhill from there,” says Fishers resident Jane Denning, about talking to her 76-year-old mother about handing over the keys. “My choices were to proceed… or wrestle her to the ground. Believe me, wrestling would have been easier.”

Before asking for your parent to turn over their keys, start with the basics. Investigate the possibilities that are available to help your parent get from point A to point B with as much ease as possible. Their daily routine will be disrupted and spontaneity will be an issue, but the goal is to help them remain as mobile as possible. Here are some options:

IndyGo: The Indianapolis area is not as accessible as some big cities with massive transportation systems, but we do have a bus system — IndyGo — that can give those without vehicles a bit more freedom. Find bus schedules, routes and prices at indygo.net.

Aside from city transit, there are county mini buses that can make life easier. Note that reservations should be made in advance (sometimes up to two weeks) and that there is often a minimal fee involved per ride.

IndyGo Open Door: This reservation-based, shared-ride service provides rides for Marion County residents who meet certain criteria. To qualify for IndyGo Open Door, paperwork must be completed by the resident and their doctor. For more information, visit indigo.net/ open-door or call 317-635-3344.

Hamilton County Express: This on-demand, reservation-based public transit system in Hamilton County offers rides to people with disabilities as well as the general public for a small fee. For more information, visit janus-inc.org/programsservices/hamilton-countyexpress or call 317-773-2688.

Hancock County Senior Services: This system offers door-to-door service to Hancock County residents 60+ on a first-come-first-served basis. For more information, visit hcssi.org/ services or call 317-462-1103.

Of course, there is always local taxi service, as well as Lyft or Uber. These options can become pricey, but are available when a ride is needed on short notice.

Another option is to let the services come to you. Have your parents take advantage of Grubhub and Door Dash, which will allow you to order meals and have them delivered from a myriad of local restaurants. There is also little need to go out to the grocery store when most grocery stores offer delivery. Just log onto the supermarket website and choose the groceries you want delivered. There will be a delivery charge, but sometimes your first delivery is free.

“There is a great difference between being older and old,” quotes author Michelle Franklin about the subject of aging. “The former being desirable and the latter being inevitable.”

At some point, we have to accept our shortcomings. And when it comes to driving, we have to help our parents accept these changes, readjust and just move on.

Kids’ Voice of Indiana Serving and protecting Indiana’s abused and neglected children for 35 years.

All grandparents hope that their grandchildren have a childhood filled with comfort, joy, safety and growth, and this is reflected in the special relationship that exists between a grandparent and a grandchild. The difference in ages and life experiences offers the grandchild wisdom and a bond that stretches across generations.

However, grandparents don’t often plan to be full-time caregivers for their grandchildren. Sadly, an increasing number of children are experiencing families torn apart by substance abuse, violence, physical abuse and neglect. This has resulted in children living with and being cared for by their grandparents. In fact, in Indiana, 29.9% of children are living with a grandparent with no parent present.

When grandparents are acting as full-time caregivers for their grandchildren, they are often presented with emotional and financial challenges. It can be incredibly difficult to be placed in the center of a conflict where a grandparent feels a duty to protect and help their grandchild, but also feels concern and grief over the problems their own child is experiencing. Children living with grandparents full-time also present additional costs associated with

school, clothes, food and other care for which a grandparent may not have planned. If a grandparent decides they need to seek legal custody of a child, that can present both an emotional and financial challenge.

Kids’ Voice of Indiana exists to serve children in these situations. We are a nonprofit prevention organization that helps children avoid experiencing or reexperiencing abuse or neglect, and we accomplish this by providing a range of services for children, their caregivers and families, as well as for other professionals that serve children and families in Indiana. Our programs are built on three pillars: advocacy, education and protection. We represent children’s

best interests in guardianship and custody cases, and we offer free legal information and guidance by allowing grandparents to call our Law Center and speak with an attorney.

Children in Indiana experience abuse and neglect at a rate of twice the national average; Indiana ranks 48th in the nation for instances of child maltreatment. Many of these children enter foster care. In 2018, 30,693 Indiana children were in foster care, ranking Indiana 47th in the nation for foster care rates. Grandparents have become an essential part of children being able to avoid foster care and remain in the care of family. In addition, Kids’ Voice has been successful at preventing approximately 98% of the children we serve in our Guardian ad Litem program from entering foster care. This is accomplished in large part through our volunteers, many of whom are grandparents themselves, who volunteer to help protect a child’s voice and interests in court.

In 2020, Kids’ Voice celebrates its 35th anniversary of serving children and families in Indiana. With your support, we can continue to serve children for another 35 years and beyond. Whether you are a grandparent who needs legal assistance regarding a grandchild, or you are a grandparent who wishes to volunteer and help Indiana’s children, we hope to hear from you.

To learn more about the resources available through Kids' Voice of Indiana, as well as volunteer opportunities, visit kidsvoicein.org.

* Data from the 2020 Indiana KIDS COUNT Data Book from the Indiana Youth Institute