26 minute read
Local Spotlight: SAFY
Local Spotlight: Specialized Alternatives for Families and Youth (SAFY) WORDS BY HEATHER LUSK AROUND TOWN
This Indy organization establishes safe havens for children in the foster care system.
Roughly 3,000 children in Marion County are in need of family services, whether it’s through foster parents or relative care. Specialized Alternatives for Families and Youth (SAFY) helps license foster families, and then provides resources to them and children. SAFY fields 100 calls each week requesting placement homes for these youth in need. The regional SAFY office is located in Marion County and supports families throughout Central Indiana.
Meli Barber, therapeutic foster care program manager of SAFY, explains how the organization helps children and families.
What is the goal of SAFY?
When we think about foster care, we’re thinking about working with children to establish permanency, safety and well-being. We have those three primary goals: We want our children to achieve permanency as quickly as possible, we want them to have a safe home environment, and we want our children to be healthy, happy whole beings. We added one specific goal post and that’s helping kids recover from trauma.
How do you provide help to families?
The biggest thing is we do is provide training. Most importantly, SAFY creates a community to support the foster family. It’s important for foster parents to have a community of people who understand the unique joys and challenges that come with that role. SAFY hosts a monthly “Family Night” for all of our foster parents where we share a meal together, help foster parents meet their annual training requirements and give the parents time to talk and build community. We also provide supportive services to the families, helping our families navigate the system and understand the process. Someone from SAFY is on call 24/7 so that families can always reach us if they need something any time of the day or night.
Who can become a foster parent?
Almost anyone over the age of 21. A lot of our families have biological children. Biological children play a huge role. They are open members of the family and can help make a foster child feel comfortable in the home. It can help them draw the children out of their shell. We’re about strengthening the whole family. The number of LGBT families continues to grow. I think that’s a hallmark that distinguishes us.
What is most rewarding about being involved with SAFY?
I just really love working with the children and seeing the way that they grow and change in the time they spend with their families. Seeing a child come in the first day and be very quiet, not wanting to speak or play, then going with that child in the same foster home weeks or months later and they’re playing with children in the home. That’s really rewarding.
Aside from becoming a foster parent, are there other ways to help?
Being a foster parent is not the right fit for everyone. We’re always looking for volunteers in the office, providing childcare for the family nights and donations. Suitcases, clothing, games, art supplies and monetary donations are also needed. Case workers will bring a game or a craft to meet with a child and help them feel comfortable. To donate, visit the SAFY Indianapolis office or safy.org.
MANAGING BIG CHANGES IN A TIME OF BIG ANXIETY
Five guideposts for parenting during a pandemic.
WORDS BY KATE PEDERSEN, LCSW, CENTERPOINT COUNSELING
ftentimes, we joke that we wish children came with manuals. But because there is no such thing, we rush to the next best option: one of the thousands of parenting books out on the market today. However, I am not familiar with any parenting books on parenting through a global pandemic. Many of us are going rogue during this confusing time and adding more “hats” to our parenting wardrobe: homeschool teacher, IT specialist, and in many cases coworker with our co-parent or our children. While navigating this anxiety-filled time, it is important to introduce ways for you and your loved ones to create calm. Here are five guideposts to manage big changes coupled with big anxiety.
O
Create Safety
In Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” model, the first need is physiological, and is quickly followed by the need for safety. Now more than ever, it is crucial to hydrate, get good sleep, eat colorful meals and get moving. When your body feels better, your brain will, too. This goes for children, as well. If children are not getting the movement they need, they will “act up” and create havoc in your home. It is crucial for you and your children to get outside, feel the grass, and look at a vista that is beyond the screen.
Acknowledging and meeting your need for safety is another crucial part to your mental and physical well-being. Creating safety can look many different ways. Maybe it is doing a little extra cleaning because it helps you feel in control of this invisible germ that is keeping us all at home. Maybe it is making lists or schedules that help you feel a little more in control of big changes. Maybe it is letting go of your schedule and cleaning so that you feel freedom, which may give some an experience of safety. Regardless of how you manage to feel safe, recognize the
Be Honest
When there are big changes like death, divorce or other experiences that we think are too big for children to handle, we avoid talking to them about it. However, it is important to recognize that children have a strong sense of what is going on whether they consciously realize it or not. Therefore, it is important for you to be honest and authentic in what is going on in the world. Give children the appropriate information for their age and emotional maturity.
It is also important to voice your own feelings about what is happening during the big change. “Mom/Dad is feeling a little extra stressed or worried because I have to work from home and make sure that you get your work done.” Or “I want to make extra sure that we wash our hands and keep this invisible germ away from us and our older loved ones. That is why we are staying home.” When you model healthy expression of feelings (albeit, slightly watered down), you model for your children that it is OK to share big feelings and that there are healthy ways to do so.
Children are so wise. If not going to school every day isn’t clue enough that something is off, they may recognize their caretakers are a little more stressed and may catch a clip too many of coronavirus news. In times of stress or big changes, it is normal and natural for you and your children to wake up more in the middle of the night, have tantrums (yes adults, too) and potty accidents (more children than adults). Everyone’s routine is off, and it is important to not catastrophize their behavior. It is temporary.
It can be important to name the stress behaviors. A tool called “externalization” can help with naming the behavior. If you notice your child getting grumpy or hungry, you can make a name for their alter ego (the grumpy, hungry one), and notice their alter ego visiting. “It looks like Hank the Hungry man is coming to visit. I wonder if he is hungry right now.” This does not always work for every child. Nor does it work if the behavior has gone too far, but sometimes it can be a way to alleviate the strife and tension that regression and stress behaviors bring.
Manage Expectations
At the beginning of this pandemic, many people thought, “Well, this will be a great time to clean out those closets, simplify life and get that “to-do” list completed!” The farther we get into this experience, the more we find that it is harder to get into regular clothes, let alone accomplish that dream list. It is incredibly important to be gentle with yourself and with others. There is so much grief happening right now — grief from birthday parties not had, grief from family and friends no longer visiting, grief from actual death and the inability to connect with those who are grieving — that it is hard to keep up with the ever-changing dynamics and tremendous feelings that flow through us. It is OK not to be “productive” during this period.
While you may have had beautiful images of your children being engaged in their homeschool “passion projects,” and delighting in a midday, colorful lunch where you all connect at the table, it is necessary to manage your expectations. If you need to get four hours of uninterrupted work or meetings completed, it is OK to allow your children to have four hours of screen time. Again, make sure you schedule it. Allow them to know when the screen time will be and then give them ability to expand and run out their energy outside (or inside the house, if necessary).
Lead with Love, Give Grace
Because there are not too many rulebooks on global pandemic, please give yourself and others grace and love. Apologize when you have had that tantrum. Be playful when you would rather be consequential. When you see your children or your co-parent struggling, give them a hug, give them love and lean in with compassion. Most importantly, offer compassion to yourself. Offering compassion to yourself is not giving up, it is giving yourself space to learn from a mistake and do better the next time — a concept, surely, you would want your children to learn.
Humans are incredibly resilient, children especially. They will forgive you when you get it “wrong.” In offering love unconditionally and creating safety, you will model for your children what you so desperately need and deserve: unconditional love and safety. Be gentle with yourself and others.
One mom’s thoughts about riding out this pandemic with her family of six. SHELTERING IN PLACE
WORDS BY JENNIFER THOMPSON
I
t's a little after 8 a.m. and I'm sitting at the kitchen island with my Bible, to-do list, notebooks, computer and pen by my side. My husband is working in our room at his makeshift office while the rest of the house is in a peace-filled state of slumber.
This is how our days begin now. I look forward to these moments, first thing in the morning, when the house is still and the day feels hopeful and full of promise.
I would be lying if I didn't admit I like this new pace. Our lives have slowed down, come to a halt, in many ways. My husband and I lay in bed longer than we used to every morning. The kids sleep for as long as their little hearts’ desire — and I'm learning the hearts of teenagers desire many, many hours of sleep. and this is a unique time in our lives for rest that is otherwise hard to come by.
In a typical day, the kids read and work on something to support their education, usually from a variety of websites. Our younger two wake up first and begin their schoolwork after breakfast, and our two children in middle school usually begin late in the morning, after they have finally woken up from a long night of good sleep. They are helping more around the house with chores, cooking and yard work. In the weeks to come, I hope to invest in each of them individually. What are their God-given strengths and talents? What do they each want to learn more about?
This is a time when we can supplement traditional education with real-life skills, new hobbies and allow them time to learn about subjects they find fascinating.
We have hung hammocks out back for people to rest on during the day, and have begun to grow a small herb garden in our windowsill. Puzzles have been completed and books have been read. A togetherness and sense of unity exists in our home that is unique to this time.
How long will we be in our home? I don't know. Will the kids go back to school this year at all? I'm not certain. When will my husband go back to the office? Nobody knows for sure.
We are taking it day by day.
I am trying to look at the silver lining. To see the good that is intermingled with the challenges.
A friend said to me the other day, "It feels like God has put us all in time out." Her words resonated with me. What are we learning in this global time out?
We say we want rest and that we are overbooked and overcommitted. Now, we are not.
In America, many of us are used to getting what we want exactly when we want it. Now, it's not that easy. Items that were once plentiful are now hard to come by, and we really shouldn't be going out in search of those items. Instead, we rely on others to find them for us.
And the Earth that so desperately needs our attention is finally able to heal a little. There has been a drastic decline in air pollution, as harmful emissions have significantly decreased in areas such as China, Italy and I would imagine here, as well.
When I send my kids to time out, my hope is that they will take time to pause, think, reflect and hopefully come out ready to make a few changes to their behavior.
I wonder if we will make changes to our behaviors when this is over?
Will we appreciate our loved ones more? Will we feel gratitude for things we once took for granted? Will we stop looking down at our phones as much — and begin to look more into the eyes of the people around us? Will we start to think more of others, and less of ourselves? Will we think more about the people who don't have the luxuries we have, such as clean water, food and even toilet paper?
I know my quarantine life doesn't look like the quarantine life of everyone. I recognize I am speaking from a place of privilege. I know people are losing jobs and the economy is hurting. I realize people are getting up every day and putting their fears aside, and walking into work that may resemble a war zone. People who suffer with addiction, depression
and anxiety may be struggling now more than ever during this time of isolation. Pregnant women who were elated at the thought of giving birth a few months ago, may now find their minds and hearts battling new anxieties. People are afraid of losing their jobs. And of getting sick.
We are in desperate need of medical supplies. People are dying. And loved ones aren't able to say goodbye. And there are many others in ICUs around the world who are very sick.
This is the world we live in right now. And the experience is different for everyone.
I am trying, as I know many of you are, to make lemonade out of lemons. To see the beauty that lies in the pain. And to remember that this isn't our forever. This is only our now.
Do I know what tomorrow holds? No. But what I'm realizing is that I never really did before. I thought I had a good idea, but I didn't. I assumed life would always go on as normal, but that isn't always the case.
We are not promised tomorrow. But we have today. We have this moment. It is a gift we have been given. And I hope to make the best of it.
We are fortunate to have such a wide range of quality schools to choose from in Indianapolis. While our school year is coming to an unusual end, it is still a time to celebrate our students and their accomplishments. We asked several area schools to share a student who exemplifies their school's values, and they rose to the challenge.
Sam Krok –Senior, Brebeuf Jesuit Preparatory School
What school achievement are you most proud of so far?
I’m most proud of being a part of our fall play, The Fault In Our Stars. I had only worked backstage in previous performances, so portraying Van Houten as my first on stage performance in front of John Green himself was nerve-racking to say the least. But, our cast and everyone involved put in so much hard work, and the final product was absolutely amazing.
What are your future plans?
After I graduate, I plan to attend Indiana University Bloomington and major in Chemistry. I haven’t decided exactly what field of chemistry I want to specialize in, so I’m excited to learn more and find out what I want to do.
How has Brebeuf prepared you for your future?
Brebeuf has prepared me in countless ways, but the most impactful has been through the people. From everyday smiles in the hallway to choreographing an entire dance together, making connections and sharing memories with everyone in my class has taught me so much. It’s heartbreaking to lose the end of our senior year, but nothing will ever be able to take the life-changing and amazing time that we’ve had together. Everyone in the Class of 2020 is uniquely wonderful, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without them.
Shiloh Means –Senior, Cathedral High School
What school achievement are you most proud of so far?
I am most proud of having the opportunity to attend a school that has challenged me to excel in the classroom and play the sport that I love at a high level. This has opened doors for me to be accepted into the University of Pennsylvania.
What are your future plans?
My future plans include obtaining a master’s degree from the University of Pennsylvania while playing football at a collegiate level with the goal of playing in the NFL.
How has Cathedral prepared you for your future?
Cathedral has been a gateway leading to many diverse opportunities for my future. Academically Cathedral has a rigorous grading scale which has taught me to put in the extra effort for something I want. The workload has forced me to organize and prioritize my schedule. And the availability of the teaching staff has taught me to be an advocate for myself. Athletically the school has exposed me to nationally ranked competition which has allowed me to showcase my skills at the highest level while enhancing my leadership ability by becoming a team captain.
What school achievement are you most proud of so far?
Last summer, I researched pulmonary hypertension at the Indiana University Medical School; developing an abstract of my findings and presenting my work to over one hundred fellow researchers. I am enormously grateful for the opportunity and mentorship that allowed me to contribute to the fight against the disease.
What are your future plans?
Next year, I will attend Yale University and study biomedical engineering. I plan to become a neurologist. If my purpose is to bring positive change to the world, the act of healing is a direct path and a background in engineering is an invaluable source of creative and practical experience.
How has Guerin Catholic prepared you for your future?
Guerin Catholic offered me the guidance to nurture my interests and pursue my passions. The teachers are passionate and dedicated to helping each and every student reach their full potential. Above all, Guerin Catholic’s community provided the encouragement and support I needed to discern and pursue my vocation.
Bella Depp –Senior and class of 2020 Valedictorian, Hope Academy
What school achievement are you most proud of so far?
So far, I am most proud of the fact that I am Hope Academy’s 2020 valedictorian!
What are your future plans?
In my near future, I will attend the Veterinary Technician program at International Business College and receive my license as well as my Associates in Applied Science. In my distant future, I plan to return to school and study to receive my Doctorate of Veterinary Medicine and become a veterinarian.
How has Hope Academy prepared you for your future?
Hope Academy has prepared me for my future by giving me the resources I need to build my own recovery community. Without establishing an environment for myself where I could manage my addiction, I wouldn’t be able to function, let alone be where I am today.
Katie Burgin –Senior, MSD Lawrence Township Schools/ Lawrence North
What school achievement are you most proud of so far?
My proudest high school achievement was less of a singular accomplishment and more of a cumulation of events over four years. I’m proud of how I balanced academics, athletics, and social life. For instance, I was a national merit scholar while simultaneously a four year varsity athlete in cross country and track.
What are your future plans?
I’m going to University of Michigan, where I’m studying political science.
How has Lawrence North prepared you for your future?
I was a part of the international baccalaureate program, which offered rigorous courses that expanded my worldview. The program has helped my writing, research, and time management skills immensely- all of which will come in handy in college.
What school achievement are you most proud of so far?
I have been part of the St. Richard’s community for the past four years, and during that time I’ve had many opportunities to be part of various programs such as Givers and the French exchange program. But out of all the programs and achievements, my most prized awards would be winning the Unit Award at the We the People State Finals.
What are your future plans?
My future plans include: attending Cathedral High School, going to Stanford University, and becoming a neurologist when I grow up.
How has St. Richard's prepared you for the future?
Throughout my time at St. Richard’s I have experienced a challenging curriculum, global readiness, strengthening my faith, and the teachings of different cultures. All of these things have prepared me for what’s ahead and has given me the confidence to know that I will be able to achieve my future goals.
Ben Wilkerson –8th Grade, Sycamore School
What school achievement are you most proud of so far?
I have been awarded the MVP/Leadership Award each year that I have participated, and we won our school’s first conference basketball championship. I am most proud of this specific achievement because I love the game of basketball and I am so grateful that I have amazing teammates.
What are your future plans?
I am attending Park Tudor for high school and am planning on starting my own business in graphic design as well as playing basketball at ParkTudor. I have dreamt about going to Duke University for as long as I can remember.
How has Sycamore prepared you for the future?
Sycamore has taught me time management, numerous study skills for almost any class, and provided me with leadership opportnities. Sycamore has also pushed me academically to be the best version of myself. Looking back on my time in middle school, I am so blessed to have been able to go to a school like Sycamore that has equipped me with a plentiful amount of tools that I plan on using moving forward.
Ian –8th Grade, The Orchard School
What school achievement are you most proud of so far?
That’s a hard one. I think the achievement I’m most proud of is hosting the 8th-grade History feature presentations. My teacher, Mr. Berry, says I’ve always flown “under the radar” because I tend not to stick my neck out to volunteer for public roles. He wanted to give me a chance to develop this skill, so he offered me the opportunity to host the presentations and I took it. I thought it went well and I felt good about it.
What are your future plans?
As of now, high school. I’m excited to head off to Brebeuf in the fall and learn about my different interests and passions. I’m also looking forward to high school soccer and being able to (hopefully) play my club/ECNL season.
How has The Orchard School prepared you for your future?
I think that Orchard has done a good job of preparing me for the future. I’ve learned a lot about teamwork, sportsmanship, the value of friends, and learning how to think critically. They do a great job of making sure we learn in an environment that enables productive learning.
how to help kids in
You can make a big difference in a child’s life during this time of uncertainty. FOSTER CARE
he need for foster care doesn’t stop during a pandemic. Even during this time of global crisis, there are children facing their own personal crises who need foster homes and support from caring families and individuals. It takes a village to raise a child, and that saying especially rings true right now. t
Fostering a child is an important commitment, and it might not be the right choice for every family. We are grateful to the Indianapolis-area families who foster children and welcome them into their homes. But even if you aren’t in a position to foster a child yourself at the moment, there are still many ways to support these children and their foster families. “Some of the items we need the most are diapers, wipes, diapering supplies, formula, new children’s shoes, new children’s socks, and new children’s coats or jackets,” Achterberg says. More information about what items The Villages needs (and what items they cannot accept) are located on their web site at VillagesKids.org under the ‘Donate’ tab on the top menu.
Noelle Russell, deputy director of communications for the Indiana Department of Child Services, suggests gifting positive experiences to foster children via the web site OneSimpleWish. org. This innovative wish-granting platform can bring positive experiences to the lives of the more than 500,000 children who are in the foster care system every year.
donate resources
Children in foster care need the same kinds of resources as other children. “If a family does not feel they are in a position to be a foster parent, they can always support the agency through a monetary donation, in-kind donation or by volunteering,” says Abbi Achterberg, director of community engagement at The Villages, the state’s largest not-for-profit child and family services agency. The Villages typically accepts donations during normal business hours at its Indianapolis office, but contact them first to find out if their donation process has changed because of the pandemic.
share your time
Donations of your time are always in need. “Our biggest need for volunteers is to assist with childcare during foster parent in-service trainings,” Achterberg says. “These take place once a month, usually through the week, from 6-8 p.m. Volunteers would assist staff with doing activities with children while parents are in training.” Volunteers must undergo a background check in order to volunteer with The Villages.
Organizations like School on Wheels match tutors to children in transitional situations such as foster care and shelters. Volunteers meet in groups with children on a regular basis in a common area and assist children with homework and other school-based activities. You can also donate items, such as school uniforms and school supplies, by visiting the web site at IndySchoolOnWheels.org.
Big Brothers, Big Sisters of Indiana matches youth to an older mentor who can serve as a positive inf luence in a child’s life during a difficult transition. In addition, the organization Hands of Hope seeks volunteers to help create “bridge bags” to children entering the foster care system. These bags contain essential toiletries in a drawstring bag, which provides a more personal way to contain their belongings than the basic trash bags many children must use to contain their belongings when removed from the previous home situation.
An encouraging word goes a long way for children coming from difficult family situations — and the caseworkers who work hard to help them find a safe home. The Children’s Bureau, which for 167 years has specialized in serving children who have faced trauma and disruption, suggests writing notes to case workers and young clients. The Children’s Bureau also welcomes both individual and group volunteers and accepts in-kind donations for foster children.
provide respite care
Respite care is an option to give foster parents a break when needed, with the assurance that the foster children in their care will be well-cared for in their absence. “Respite care provides temporary relief for our full-time foster parents who need a few days to themselves, or who may be dealing with a personal emergency of their own,” says Keri Carter-Moore, a team leader of foster parent recruiting at NECCO, which serves multiple states across the Midwest. “Respite care can be urgent or planned, lasting no longer than 14 days.”
become an ambassador
Those who have a special interest in helping children navigate the court system are of great value to the state of Indiana. A CASA, or Court Appointed Special Advocate, is a volunteer who acts in the best interest of a child who has been removed from a situation of abuse or neglect. A CASA then ensures the child remains under the CASA’s guidance as the child transitions to a safe and comfortable foster home. Though the training program is a commitment of time, the rewards are great. Ultimately, the greatest joy for a CASA volunteer is to guide a child into his or her safe and permanent home.
These are just some of the ways you can help a child in the foster system and the families who care for them. During this unprecedented time, these children in need can benefit greatly from a little more support and love from everyone.
