Teaching Kids to Deal with Pressure

Why it's more important to help your child do their best instead of striving for perfection.

Athletes are often asked and expected to perform at a high level in their sport while facing immense pressure. Take, for example, an Olympic athlete. After years of working hard toward one goal, part of their training includes handling the intense pressure of being in the spotlight. But it’s also true that people of all ages, skill levels, hobbies and professions who aren’t on a world stage feel the heat of performance pressure, too. Teaching kids constructive ways to handle pressure does wonders for performance and mental health.

When we start early, we can help kids develop the lifelong skills they need to talk themselves down when stressed, and focus on doing their best rather than shooting for perfection. Here are three ways to teach kids how to relax in the moment.

Be mindful.

Mindfulness is a great strategy for coping with pressure, as it involves focusing on the present moment instead of our worrying thoughts. Learning to focus on our breath, and feelings in our bodies or our surroundings, can help kids “get out of their heads” and focus on the task at hand. Mindfulness is something that needs to be practiced daily in order to keep your skills fresh!

Relax your body.

Whether or not you’re an athlete, stress affects your body deeply, making your muscles tense. In a tough moment, try closing your eyes and scanning each part of your body from your toes to the top of your head. Practice diaphragmatic breathing (belly breathing) while focusing on relaxing areas of your body where you hold tension.

Diaphragmatic breathing and muscle relaxation activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which drops our blood pressure and slows our pulse, renewing our energy supplies that were reduced during stress.

Reframe your thoughts.

In moments of intense pressure, we often catastrophize our thoughts: “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never finish this,” “This is too hard for me.” Finding ways to make your inner voice work for instead of against you is easier than you might think. Help your child talk back to their negative thoughts by thinking of ways they have succeeded before, ways they’ve handled obstacles in the past, and reminding themselves of the hard work they’ve put in to prepare. When you first try this strategy, it might help to write positive affirmations on index cards and carry them with you.

On Our Sleeves (childrensdayton. org/onoursleeves) has created a list of conversation-starting questions to discuss pressure that we or our children feel daily. Take a look at the Pressure Conversation Starters to find a way that you and your family can have open conversations about handling pressure whenever it hits. Share how you are dealing with pressure on social media, using #OnOurSleeves, so we can see!

FOSTERING FAQ

Answers to common questions about becoming a foster parent.

WORDS BY JENNIFER THOMPSON

Can you imagine not knowing where you will lay your head at night? While this may be hard for you to picture, this is the case for many foster children today. There is a tremendous need for families who are willing to open their doors and provide a place of comfort, stability and solace for kids who may not know where they will be sleeping next.

Becoming a foster parent is a big decision. Your heart may be leading you and your family in that direction, while your mind is thinking: How?

Bri Carter, program director for the NECCO Dayton Office, and Brittany Carpenter, intake coordinator for the Bair Dayton Office along with Andrea Young, national marketing director for Bair, provide answers to some of the commonly asked questions about fostering. What is my role as a foster parent?

Carter: To become a foster parent in Ohio, you must take the preservice classes, complete background checks and paperwork, complete individual interviews, pass a safety audit and fire inspection, have medical clearance and have space in your home.

Carpenter: The "big pieces"of the licensing process include attending training sessions, meetings with a home study assessor, background checks, speaking with references, a safety audit, fire inspection and medicals.

Carter: Fostering to adopt is possible if a child becomes adoptive. However, adoption is not a guarantee. We generally recommend that interested families apply for both licenses and then if a child becomes adoptive, they can move forward with that child.

Carpenter: There is never any guarantee that a family would get to adopt the foster child placed in their home. The children we place in our homes are foster children whose goal is to reunify with biological parents. More than half of the children in foster care will be reunified with their parents or primary caregivers, and nearly one-quarter will be adopted, many by their foster parents. The biological parents typically have two years to work their case plan and show they can provide a safe and stable home environment. If that does not happen, and parental rights are terminated, then the child would become eligible for adoption. In many cases, foster parents who have already established a bond with the foster child are given the first opportunity to adopt a child who cannot be reunited with his or her birth parents or other relatives.

How long does it typically take to become eligible to foster?

Carter: Becoming eligible to foster depends upon the applicant’s motivation to foster. The time frame also depends upon how quickly classes can be taken (generally once a week) and the time needed for background checks.

Carpenter: Because the need for families is so great, our goal is to get a family through the certification process within 2 to 3 months.

What are the requirements for fostering?

Carter: The requirements include reliable transportation, up-to-date pet vaccinations, passing all background checks, meeting the age requirements (18 for the state, 21 for our agency specifically), safe and stable housing, all bills paid, stable income to meet the bills of the home, adult and infant CPR/first-aid training, available beds and rooms, auto and home insurance and medical clearance. Is there anything else you would like people to know about becoming foster parents?

Carter: Fostering can seem very scary. However, with the right support system and knowledge from an agency, a family can gain the skills needed to be able to work with a child toward building trust and recovering from trauma.

Carpenter: In February 2022, our office received 142 referrals for children needing placement. The need for families who can welcome sibling sets of three or more into their home, and who can accept children over the age of 10, are our biggest need! All it takes is one caring adult to change the trajectory of a child's life. As a foster parent, you can have a lifelong impact on a child who needs to know someone believes in them, someone loves them, and someone supports them.

Young: We are often asked what the cost is to become a foster parent and the answer is nothing — the training is free and kids in foster care come with their own health insurance. It doesn’t end at the placement of a child either. A case worker is assigned to the family, there are support groups to meet with other foster families and our staff is readily available to the families. Our information meetings are always no-obligation, free and if a potential foster parent cannot make it to a meeting, our office representatives can schedule a virtual session or one-on-one meeting to answer any questions.

Bair will cover the cost of background checks, there is no application fee, and we do not charge families for the home study. There may be some out-of-pocket expenses, like well-water tests, fire inspections, purchasing materials for your home (beds, smoke detectors, child safety locks, etc.). With 250,000 children entering foster care each year, our work is never done. We love helping families provide a loving home that every kid deserves.