At Holme Issue 11 - February 2023

ATHolme

FROM THE PRINCIPAL’S PEN

Are you listening?

‘When adults offer up a solution too quickly,’ notes Isla, a 15-year-old, ‘it feels like they’re not really listening or understanding what I’m going through.’

(Damour 2020)

My mother is a great listener; what a gift. At various moments in my life, I have also been the beneficiary of that privilege from friends and even health practitioners who have exacted the practice of listening.

Archie Roach, in his autobiography Tell Me Why: The Story of My Life and My Music tells of the importance of listening deeply.

According to Roach, getting rid of all thoughts and noise allows us to hear ‘the truth, the truth which lies on the wind.’ Nonetheless, when we are working with a dysregulated adolescent, the idea of listening deeply takes on a different dimension – impossibility comes to mind. In writing of this very challenge, the Newport Academy explains why listening, or being in conversation with a heightened adolescent can be a fraught experience. Because:

> Your teenager might not want to talk at all.

> Your teenager is finding it hard to empathise with your perspective.

> Conversations with your teen quickly lose focus and devolve into conflict.

> You or your teen are afraid to express what you truly feel.

Welcome to parenting through adolescence: that complex, fraught, challenging passage from childhood to adulthood. It may seem self-evident that one cannot become an adult without first being an adolescent, but it is a truism, nonetheless.

You can’t sidestep the inevitable separation of parent from child: you have to let go. They have to see themselves as separate entities and they have to make choices and face consequences.

Without this, your child cannot step across the threshold into independence. So, how do we allow our adolescents to make autonomous and wise decisions when we know they want to test

boundaries, risk take and experiment? How do we stop ourselves from compromising our own expectations in the thirst for alignment or even some peace with our children?

After all, the thing they need most from us is permission to be autonomous; to be secure in the knowledge that we ourselves are confident adults, able to set clear boundaries.

Older kids … are going through a process of separating themselves from their parents, shaping who they will be apart from us.

In order to do that, they need room to stretch, take risks, try things out, and grow. There’s research that reveals kids who are more controlled by their parents lie to [them] more. If we don’t give them room [to separate], they will create it, even through deceit. (Lahey, 2016)

Sometimes, we are told, and all too often, and with all too much emphasis, that we are ‘the worst parents on earth’, or ‘that everyone else is allowed to ….’ or we are met with an exaggerated eye roll, the curt conclusion to a phone conversation or a closed bedroom door.

At such times we wonder what we have done to attract such a response. We wonder if this reaction is unique to us - because it certainly feels that way. Yet, you are not alone.

More than a decade ago, my freshly 19-yearold daughter (still in the throes of intermittent and perhaps frequent adolescent behaviour) was studying for a semester at San Jose State University.

Whilst the costs were shared between us, the bulk fell (no surprise) upon us, her parents. At times it felt that we were giving her far too much through

this privilege.

Conversely, at other times, we delighted in her growth in global awareness, the international connections and friendships she forged, and her courage in undertaking study overseas. It wasn’t a cheap exercise and when her semester ended, she was keen to holiday a little longer, on our purse strings. She had run out of money, entirely, despite her assurance just weeks before that she had plenty left over.

We were torn, torn between denying her ‘a oncein-a-lifetime’ opportunity and drawing a line in the sand. Yet, we chose to draw a line in the sand. We resisted the urge to align with her, or to briefly enjoy feeling close and generous. It cost money to rebook her an earlier flight home - which seemed counterintuitive, but we felt compelled to make it

clear that the parent bank was not limitless. It felt mean and it also felt appropriate. Was it the right action? Who knows.

We don’t get a trial run at parenting. Years on, she remains deeply grateful for the San Jose experience and, surprisingly, she never resented the early flight home, she actually accepted our reasoning. Amazing! Sometimes hard decisions reap surprisingly positive rewards.

When Sue Chandler from Transformative Schools met with our Year 12 parents recently, she spoke a lot about how best to frame conversations with our autonomy-seeking adolescents. There were reminders about utilising initial ‘I’ statements to

“How do we allow our adolescents to make autonomous and wise decisions when we know they want to test boundaries, risk take and experiment?”

frame frustrations or concerns:

‘I’ve noticed that…’

‘…you’ve been finding it hard to get up in the morning…’

‘…you didn’t get the jobs done that I asked you to…’

‘…you were really short with me in the car this morning…’

‘…you don’t seem yourself…’

Finish by asking, ‘Can you fill me in?’ or ‘What’s going on?’ Further, Sue suggests that you let your daughter know why you are bringing up the problem. Share your concerns and be specific – Is it about her learning? Is it about friends? Is it about school or family expectations? Has the family dynamic shifted significantly?

‘So, the thing is…’ or ‘I’m worried that…’ or ‘If this was to continue, my concern is…’

Frame the problem: ‘I wonder if there is a way, we can address…(your concern)…AND…(my concern)?’

Give your daughter first go. ‘Do you have any ideas?’ Provide help if needed or ask if you can offer some suggestions. Any idea is a good idea. Litmus test: Does it address the concern for both your daughter and for you? Finally, agree on a solution worth trying.

Oh, if it were that simple! It’s not – it is parenting after all. But those small steps in framing conversations even just a little differently, remembering that our tone of voice often matters more than our actual words, along with utilising the Archie Roach deep listening methodology, when combined, do make an effective recipe for positive communication.

Damour (2020) reminds us that ‘much of what bothers [adolescents] cannot be solved. We can’t fix their broken hearts, prevent their social dramas, or do anything about the fact that they have three huge tests scheduled for the same day. But having a problem is not nearly so bad as feeling utterly alone with it.’

Listen well but don’t take over their troubles – to do so robs them of the gift of autonomy.

Proving persistence pays off

She’s only 15, but Gracie Johnston knows exactly where she wants to be in a few years from now – on the Olympic stage.

The teen Rugby Sevens talent has just returned from the Next Gen Youth Girls Under 15s tournament, where she debuted for Queensland.

In the lead-up to the selection, Gracie travelled hundreds of kilometres to participate in 14 training sessions over eight weeks in Brisbane. Still, she says it was all worth it.

‘It was the first time I have ever pulled on the Queensland jersey, and I was so proud and excited for all the new experiences.’

The young gun was rewarded for her dedication and performance and was selected in the top 20 under 18s Queensland squad. While it means more travel to Brisbane and extra gym and education sessions, Gracie says she’s grateful for the new opportunities.

‘I missed out on making a few key teams last year, so I

turned my disappointment into determination, and I can’t wait to see what doors this will open for me.’

Like many Rugby 7s players, Touch Football was Gracie’s sport of choice, but she soon caught the rugby bug after watching her older sister play.

‘Touch has helped me to think quickly and to pass effectively, because, in Rugby, you need to think about ball movement and to get that long ball out to the winger.

‘It was pretty scary at the start, being only 12 and learning how to tackle, but once I got the hang of it, I loved it,’ Gracie says.

Fairholme College has a long history of producing Rugby7s stars, the likes of Gemma Etheridge, Emilee Cherry, Demi Hayes and Dom Du Toit have come through the school before representing their countries, and Gracie said she would love to wear the green and gold one day too.

‘That is the dream, and seeing multiple Fairholme girls achieve amazing things with Rugby 7s is a big motivator.’

When it comes to her sport, Year 10 student, Gracie Johnston, has her eye on ball...

Cover Story

From Katherine

to Boarding...

With a little help from her friends, Charli McWhirter is adjusting to Boarding life at Fairholme

Imagine travelling for three days just to get to school.

This is now the new norm for Boarding student, Charli McWhirter, who started at Fairholme College this year.

Hailing from Katherine nearly three thousand kilometres away, Charli says the long commute has already been worth it.

‘There are so many opportunities here for me, I’ve joined four different sporting teams, and I have a gym I can go to any time I want.’

Charli was first introduced to the Fairholme way when she attended our Be a Fairholme Girl for a Day.

‘I knew from that day I wanted to become a Fairholme girl. She says it had a certain warm feeling, and everyone was so welcoming and friendly,’ she said.

The Year 10 student has only been on campus for a couple of weeks and admits to some homesickness.

However, she says, with the help of our staff and Head of Wellbeing, it’s becoming easier.

‘Every morning, I meet with the Head of Wellbeing, Ms Caitens, just to brain dump and tell her everything I have been feeling, and she gives me so many great tips and tricks. There’s no point trying to hide your homesickness because

it makes it worse. I try to keep busy, and I ask the Nurse Manager, Ms Riordan, to take me out to her horse farm every chance I get.’

While being on the sporting field is where she feels most comfortable, Charli has jumped at the chance to broaden her studies, taking up a Certificate II in Rural Operations and Equine Studies through our Pathway Program.

‘My dad and I love breeding horses, so I think this course will be really handy.’

If your daughter would like to Be a Fairholme Girl for a Day on 9 March, register online here: www. fairholme.qld.edu.au/tours

Q& with Sally Austin A

If you visit the Boarding Office, chances are you will come across the friendly face of Sally Austin in her new role as the Administration Assistant to the Head of Boarding.

Where did you grow up? Goulburn, New South Wales

Where have you worked previously? Pre COVID I worked at Gabbinbar Homestead, then during the pandemic, I worked in the Northern Territory. In the last 12 months, I was in Cairns.

What does your job at Fairholme Boarding comprise? I’m the Administration Assistant to the Head of Boarding.

What do you love most about working at Fairholme? No two days are the same! I love interacting with the girls, and the Boarding staff are a great team.

How would you describe the Boarding team? Supportive, committed, enthusiastic and very welcoming!

What do you want to impart to the Boarders? Be the best person you can be... the best version of yourself.

Favourite part about working with teenage girls? I like watching them grow from shy, new girls to confident Year 12s with purpose and direction.

What do you like to do in your time off? Time off? I have five-year-old twins!

Our Equestrian team has started the season off with a bang!

Congratulations to our riders, who have had two successful weekends in the ring.

The girls were awarded the Champion Dressage and Champion Showjumping Team at the Stuartholme College IQ Qualifying event and then backed it up the following weekend being awarded the Champion Showjumping Team at the Scot’s PGC Interschool Competition.

The winning teams included Lottie Ostwald, Simone Sorensen, Josie Ostwald, Kendra McDonald, Abbey Gordon and Geneva Searle.

The Maclaren Tartan and the army green

CUO Johanna Whittle proudly stepped up to receive her promotion as Senior Cadet Under Officer at Assembly this week.

The humble Year 12 student is the fourth female cadet within the Toowoomba Grammar School Cadet Program to be promoted to this ranking.

‘I am so grateful for the invaluable experiences and opportunities that have led me to now proudly lead the Toowoomba Grammar School Cadet Unit alongside Glennie and Toowoomba Grammar - especially as one of only three girls to have done so in the last 21 years,’ Johanna said. ‘However, I believe this role isn’t just important for me, but it really says something about how when Fairholme girls set their minds to a challenge, we can achieve any goal.’

Joining cadets in Year 7, Johanna says she was hoping for an adventure and, boy, did she find one.

‘I wanted a challenge and to learn new skills, meet new friends and improve my self-confidence.

‘During the past six years of Cadets, I have discovered my passion for leadership and setting a positive example for younger Cadets. Opportunities such as Cadets enable males and females to pursue their aspirations through dedication and hard work while having fun.’

Her responsibilities will include leading and mentoring fellow Cadets, planning camps, and preparing weekly training programs.

While she admits there will be some challenges within the appointment, she says her number one goal is to uplift

and encourage her fellow Fairholme students.

‘I want to see more Fairholme girls try new things and give Cadets a go, just once in their school career. I want to motivate girls to strive to make their impact in future leadership roles within Cadets and to pursue their dreams.’

Johanna says she hopes to continue wearing the army green well after her journey at Fairholme finishes by joining the Australian Defence Force and attending Officer Training at ADFA in Canberra.

‘I would also love to pursue my passion for aviation and become a helicopter pilot in the Army.’

If you want to join the Cadets, email our Cadet Liaison Officer, Anastasia Button-Smith, at anastasia.buttonsmith@fairholme.qld.edu.au.

2023 Interhouse Swimming Carnival

Ear splitting war cries, a spirited March Past and a great day in the pool summed up last week’s Interhouse

Middle and Senior Swimming Carnival. Records fell as swimmers took to the blocks and swam for their House! Cameron House was the overall winner of the day, also taking out the March Past trophy. Well done to all the swimmers, cheerleaders, timekeepers, ribbon givers, coffee makers, parents and staff!

Special thanks to the Sports Department

12 Years

3rd – Gemma Sullivan (Black),

2nd – Mackenzie Zimmerle (Cameron),

1st – Greta Goddard (Black)

13 Years

3rd – Flissy Fagan (Stephens),

2nd – Mim Leslie (Cameron),

1st – Libby Wormwell (Stephens)

14 Years

3rd – Millie Moar (Stephens),

2nd – Olivia Fraser (Stephens),

1st – Mikayla Pellow (Cameron)

15 Years

3rd – Jordan Amos (Cameron),

2nd – Lainey Currie (Black),

1st – Mackenzie Grimes (Cameron)

16 Years

3rd – Kalea Anderson (Cameron),

2nd – Ava Macey (Cameron),

1st – Hannah Pollock (Black)

U20 Years

3rd – Thea Comerford (Cameron)

2nd – Brigid Webb (Powell)

1st – Mia Pratt (Black)

Open Champion

3rd – Mikayla Pellow (Cameron)

2nd – Mia Pratt (Black)

1st – Mackenzie Grimes (Cameron)

March Past

Cameron House

Relay

4th – Powell (440)

3rd – Cameron (519)

2nd – Stephens (547)

1st – Black (551)

Champion Junior (12-15yrs)

Libby Wormwell and Mackenzie Grimes

Champion Daygirl

Mackenzie Grimes

Champion Boarder

Ava Macey

100m Freestyle Mackenzie Grimes

Open Individual Medley Mackenzie

Grimes

100m Backstroke Mackenzie Grimes

100m Breaststroke Ava Macey

100m Butterfly Mackenzie Grimes

200m Freestyle Mackenzie Grimes

Daygirl v Boarder Relay

Daygirls

Holme Group Relay Champions

Stephen 6

Interyear Relay Year 10

House Relay Trophy Black House

Staff v Seniors v Parents v Old Girls

Parents

Records

Event 70 Mackenzie Grimes

(Cameron) 15yrs 50m Backstroke

Event 5 Black House Freestyle A Div 4 x 50m Relay 2:09.36

Event 6 Powell House Freestyle B

Div 6 x 25m Relay 1:43.28

Overall

4th – Powell (506)

3rd – Stephens (648)

2nd – Black (705)

1st – Cameron (726)

Principal’s Welcome

Following a noisy but very spirited Middle and Senior Swimming Carnival, we had a lovely evening with our Day and Boarding families at the Principal’s Welcome function last Friday evening. It was also a chance to launch our Strategic Plan 2023-2026. A high level summary of our Strategic Plan for 2023–2026 can be read on the Governance page of the Fairholme website.

Year 9 Leaders’ Induction Assembly

Kick off your Sunday shoes!

Fairholme College and Toowoomba Grammar School

2023 Co-Production, ‘Footloose, the Musical’

Music by Tom Snow Lyrics and Stage Adaptation by Dean Pitchford Stage Adaptation by Walter Bobbie

This year’s Fairholme College and Toowoomba Grammar School Co-Production, will showcase the new 90-minute version of the explosive stage musical, ‘Footloose’!

With dynamic new songs augmenting the powerhouse hits from its bestselling Oscar-nominated film score, Footloose celebrates the exhilaration of youth, the wisdom of listening to one another, and the power of forgiveness.

It is directed by TGS Old Boy, Chris Thomson, who graduated in 2013. Chris has a Bachelor of Music Theatre from the Griffith University Queensland Conservatorium and a Masters in Fine Arts (Directing) from NIDA.

Staff and students have been attending rehearsals each Wednesday evening and Sundays. Two non-residential camps were held during the holidays, in order to ensure scenes were effectively blocked, vocal repertoire refined, dance moves beautifully choreographed and dynamic sets

built ahead of staging the Co-Production at the Empire Theatre on June 1-2. Tickets will be available from the Empire Theatre Box Office closer to the performance dates.

From the boarding house

Upcoming events

14 March Interhouse Cross Country Carnival

(Years 3-6, Middle & Senior School)

23 March Dolphin Interhouse Swimming Carnival

(Prep-Year 2)

29 March Fairholme Formal

29 March Term 1 Concludes

31 March Toowoomba Show Holiday

18 April Term 2 Commences

19-21 May Fairholme Open Art Prize

1-2 June Footloose Musical

9 June Interhouse Athletics Carnival

(Kindy-Year 6)

15 June Term 2 Concludes

Impressive times at State Sprints

Earlier this month, the Queensland State Swimming Sprints were held in Brisbane, with a number of Fairholme girls competing at the meet.

Junior School representatives, Madison Turnbull and Savannah

Sanson-Male, made their State Swimming debut, achieving impressive personal best times. Meanwhile, our Middle School representatives, Olivia Fraser, Aemilia Moar and Mackenzie

Zimmerle, swam their best to achieve their own impressive PBs. Ava Macey represented the College in the Girls 15yrs 50m Breaststroke Final finishing a strong 7th place.

Senior School representative (and Fairholme Swim Captain) Mia Pratt,

competed in all four stroke events, finishing strong in all her events. Thank you, Mia, for leading our girls to a successful meet for all, through your continuous support!

In other impressive news, Mikayla Pellow, showed amazing fortitude becoming the Queensland Silver Medallist in the 13yrs 50m Butterfly.

Mikayla had set herslef a personal goal of winning a State medal... and due to her tenacious training and spirt was able to achieve this dream!

Congratulations to our very own Queensland Champion, Mackenzie Grimes, who competed in all four age events, winning the 14yrs 50m Backstroke with a time of 30.30 - just outside her own recently-achieved PB of 30.23. Mackenzie also broke a ‘Best Ever Performance’ by a Fairholme student which was set by our very own Coach, Hayley, in 2009. Congratulations to all our swimmers, we celebrate your resilient persistence and dedication to your own personal goals.