At Holme Issue 19 - September 2023

ATHolme

WELCOME BACK TO TERM 4

Dear Families...

Welcome back to Term Four – the fourth quarter with its fast sprint to the finish line. I trust that you and your child/ren have had a refreshing pause from school life and are looking forward to the term ahead, along with its celebrations and the ultimate goal of finishing well in all aspects of positive endeavour.

To new families – a warm welcome to the Fairholme community, we trust that the transition is as smooth as possible.

Do note the event dates and times in your calendars, so that you can be part of the important occasions that mark the end of a full school year. We look forward to the beginning of the school term with Parent/Teacher/Student Interviews for our Middle and Senior School families – this is a great opportunity for a conversation around your daughter’s learning.

As we look to 2024, I flag the state government legislation around full bans on mobile phones, apple

watches and pseudo apple watches during school hours at all schools across the state. Essentially, this means that at all schools – state or independent or Catholic, phones and like-devices are ‘away for the day.’

It is not a panacea for all that is associated with over-connectedness with technology: oh, that it was that simple. Nonetheless, research has clearly determined that learning can occur more effectively when the distractions of inappropriate technology are reduced.

That we can contain technology in its entirety by removing phones and like-devices is naïve. Every seven minutes in Australia, a data breach occurs –they can occur in the most sophisticated contexts: technology is bigger than us.

Consider that 98% of Australian two-year-olds already have a digital footprint, and you begin to understand the ubiquitous nature of its reach. Scientific Futurist, Dr Catherine Ball, reminds

that we cannot collect technology at the school gate, pop it into a container and believe it’s being managed – in her words, “this is a snowball that has started to roll down the hill and it’s only going to get bigger and bigger.”

What we can do, however, is to continue to value and nurture face-to-face interactions, educate around on-line behaviour, particularly on social media platforms whilst also embracing the technological opportunities that are around us. The legislated mobile phone and like-devices ban is about addressing addictive behaviours, destructive social media behaviours and interruptions to learning – it is not about packing up technology and removing it from our lives –that is neither feasible nor advisable.

We choose, to some extent, how we consume technology – restricting its adverse uses, makes sense.

After all, we are teaching and learning for tomorrow: the Chat GPT world, the driverless car world, the augmented reality world, and the world that continues to be based on relationships with

one another, with our belief system – Christianbased for many in our context.

Having spent three days at a conference with other heads of Independent Schools across Australia, I was struck by the dichotomous content: wellbeing and technology.

We began our conference with a beautiful church service at The Southport School Chapel, plunged into futures thinking around everything technological and pondered the best approaches to fostering wellbeing.

It is apparent that our collective task is to find a respectful synergy between the digital world and the deeply human world. In a small way, next year, the legislated ban on mobile technology during school hours, is honouring that notion, and your support is and will be appreciated. Meanwhile, here is to the joy of fourth term at its fast pace and with its opportunity to celebrate our school year, our school-leavers, and their families, and always, with the goal to finish well.

Best wishes.

Champion readers! Congratulations to our Year 9 and 10 girls, Lily Martin, Hayley Clements, Serah Vimal, and Elana Schultheiss, who exhibited exceptional knowledge, earning them the State Champions at the Readers Cup in Brisbane. Our Year 7 and 8 squad clinched the State Runner Up title after an intense competition, receiving their well-deserved trophies from author Zanni Louise. From left to right: Heidi Sheridan,

“What we can do, however, is to continue to value and nurture face-to-face interactions, education around on-line behaviour, particularly on social media platforms, whilst also embracing the technological opportunities that are around us...”

Dr Linda Evans | Principal

Bella Clements, Caitlin Schultheiss, and Zoe Hurford.

DROP THE ROPE... FROM THE PRINCIPAL’S PEN

Adolescence is its own season: unique, complex, delightful, difficult … and everything in between. Within it, parents find themselves at one end of tug-of-war disputes when adolescents are pursuing risky behaviour, or making totally unreasonable demands, at other times they may sense the need to ‘drop the rope’ when their adolescent child is legitimately and healthily seeking their independence.

The trick is in knowing when to hold on and when to let go. Parenting demands both. It demands that we are attuned to the nuances of teenage or tween life, and able to respond appropriately. It demands more than is possible of us, on some days, and the demands don’t typically dissipate quickly. We, as parents, are required to do our best.

For those mums fortunate enough to hear Michelle Mitchell speak at the ‘Tweens’ luncheon on the last day of term, you may well have noted some of her wisdom around parenting through your daughter’s life challenges.

A few of her truisms have stayed with me, the greatest echo has been her statement around ‘dropping the rope.’ What a glorious moment that can be when you choose to stop the tussle.

If we are honest, and parenting requires its own confronting brand of honesty, doesn’t it, we can find ourselves in a tug-of-war situation in the most trivial of circumstances. The trick is knowing when to hang on to the rope, and when to let go.

We can hold our ground, dig our feet in and draw on the rope of insistence with formidable determination. Retrospect may, at times, pose an interesting question – Why? Why fight the unwinnable? Why fight the insignificant?

At other times, we hold on with impressive resolve, because we are required to, because the tug-of-war is about your son or daughter’s need to know that you are in this relationship for the long game and you as the adult, will not concede when it matters, when it really matters.

Your adolescent does want to know that you believe that they are worth fighting for, irrespective of the circumstances.

In 2015, parenting blogger, Gretchen Schmelzer published a

piece entitled, ‘The Letter your Teenager Can’t Write to You.’ It is worth reading – the link is in the reference section. Schmelzer writes a letter in the voice of a teenager: a feisty, fighting, difficult teenager who wants to argue about everything and nothing, but who also wants to know that their parent is playing the long game. That their parent won’t give up, won’t drop the rope. She writes: “And this particular fight will end. Like any storm, it will blow over. And I will forget, and you will forget. And then it will come back. And I will need you to hang on to the rope again. I will need this over and over for years.”

So, when do we hold on, when do we drop the rope, when do we simply say, NO? If it were only that easy to know. I once listened to a great radio segment on the judicious use of NO. The guest speaker – an adolescent psychologist affirmed, that in his view, there are only a few times when we really need to pull out the BIG NO, the definitive no, the one that matters a great deal to our daughter’s safety, our values, and our peace of mind. Nonetheless, we must also be judicious in its use, because “there are only so many times you can say NO” (McCoy) and maintain a workable relationship.

David Palmiter, a clinical psychologist and professor at Marywood University in Scranton, states that parenting a teen is inherently stressful, even in the best scenarios (cited in Neighmond, 2014).

The parent who tells you that their adolescent daughter is always even in temperament, accepts your every word, and happily follows every direction you set – without challenge, either is not being truthful, or their daughter has not yet begun the path to independence that will allow her to become a functioning adult in the future.

Palmiter (cited in Neighmond, 2014) offers some reassurance. He says that the challenging, questioning and sometimes patronising manner

of our adolescents is in fact ‘healthy’ and may well mean that you are doing things right as parents. Yes, even when it feels otherwise …

At some point, your daughter will depart from the established family narrative, at which time rope -holding or rope-dropping will be called for, because she will, “pick up [her story, the one you have crafted with love and great care] and turn it over in her hands like some dispassionate reviewer composing a cold-hearted analysis of an overhyped novel,” (Cusk, 2015).

You will wonder where that easy, compliant, bornto-please child has retreated to, perhaps you may come to realise that the beginning of this new season is about your daughter developing her own narrative, not simply absorbing yours – no matter how meticulous its construction has been.

Hold on, let go, say ‘no’ … endure the tug-ofwar moments, drop the rope when the moment demands it – be prepared to vacillate between all three, because this is the season that requires you to do so. “Know that [even when it is hard] you are doing the most important job that anyone could possibly be doing for [them] right now,” (Schmelzer, 2015).

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

REFERENCES

Cusk, R. (2015). ‘Teenagers: what’s wrong with them?’ The Australian. April 25, 2015

Neighmond, P. (2014). ‘Want More Stress In Your Life? Try Parenting A Teenager’, July 16, 2014. http://www.npr.org/ sections/health-shots/2014/07/16/326953698/want-morestress-in-your-life-try-parenting-a-teenager

Schmelzer, G. (2015). ‘The Letter Your Teenager Can’t Write to You.’ http://gretchenschmelzer.com/blog-1/2015/6/23/ parent-corner-the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you

Dr Linda Evans | Principal

Orientation

Beginning anything significant can be a fragile, delicate process – it evokes our vulnerabilities, and pushes us into a space of uncertainty. It is also the start of possibilities, growth and challenge – they are the things to embrace, even when they are hard. From Fairholme – whatever your starting point, we wish you a brave beginning and acres of opportunities. Enjoy your journey of ‘becoming’ – we look forward to travelling with you, throughout your Fairholme time. - Dr Linda Evans

Artists on display

There are four fabulous artworks by our talented Fairholme Senior Visual Art students currently on display at the Toowoomba Regional Art Gallery as a part of this year’s Darling Downs – South West Region’s Exhibition of the 2023 Creative Generation Excellence Awards in Visual Art. The exhibition is showcasing the outstanding visual artworks by senior high school students in this region and will be on display until the 15 October. The Gallery is open from Wednesday to Sunday 10.30am–3.30pm and entry is free.

Maggie Lattimore – Loneliness and isolation in urban environments

Alyssa McDonald Smith – Mental Health issues

Laura Patterson – Gender pay gap in Australia

Maeve Toombes – The Voice Referendum

Fairholme girls shine at Nissan State Titles! The U16 and U18s Darling Downs Panthers side was well represented by Fairholme netballers, who have been competing at the Nissan State Titles in Brisbane this week. From left to right: Tay Kauter, Anna Saal, Lainey Currie, Lucia Luhrs, Chloe Anoleck, Eadi Bruton, Amy Williams, and Simone Botha. After a strong performance, Amy Williams and Simone Botha were selected in the Queensland squad - congratulations, girls!