5 minute read
Survival Instincts: God Only Knows
by Rachel Sullivan, MFTA, CFLE
Anyone else feel like this year has been the longest ever and simultaneously gone by in one big controversial, confusing blur? 2020was a year for the books. Whether it is the kind you keep on the coffee table for frequent reflection, or the type you tuck out of sight on the shelf, it has been a year.
At the beginning of this spring, I recall hearing so many “If this goes on much longer, I’m not sure what I will do”, “I don’t know how to navigate this situation” “I have never gone this long without seeing ____”. Employers let people go. Some jobs moved to a virtual platform. Kids had to learn through a new medium. There was a collective breath of “I’m not sure I can do this”. Now, 9 months later, here we are. Having made it through what I hope will be the worst, because now we know a little better what to expect. There is something powerful about knowledge. We are a human race of truth-seekers. Answer-needers. Date gatherers. At the beginning, we did not have what we needed to help us go “it will be ok”. It took some time to gain our footing and realize what we were up against.
One of the most amazing things I have seen throughout 2020 was how our human nature to survive surfaced to help us through the most mentally, emotionally, and physically challenging year most of us have ever experienced. Sure, I know that by default we are wired for survival and self-preservation. Our brains are literally designed in such a way that we can tuck away the difficult things, the pain, and continue moving. Our bodies are constantly putting out new tissue and atoms, on a path of never-ending rebirth. It is not new news, but this year… this year was different. So many were starved of the basic human needs of connection and physical touch. And yet, the way the instinct to survive showed up was a thing to behold. We stretched our technology skills, got creative about meals together, and celebrated in brand new ways. I am not ignorant to the fact that many aspects of life will never look the same. However, I believe there are some facts that ring true. Things we can grab onto moving forward, whatever the world will look like.
1. We need each other. We are a human race designed for connection. So often this year I heard the cries of depression, overwhelm, and defeat. This takes a toll on our mental health. When people are given the opportunity to be heard, it shifts something for us mentally and emotionally and refuels a part of us necessary to keep pushing. When we pull together, the solidarity motivates us to keep striving for change. People who need you, and whom you need are all around you. They may be friends, they may be family members, or perhaps they are professionals in your community. Find them, seek out their support, support them and then repeat. We need each other.
2. We choose our focus. People are showing up for themselves. Showing up for others. Is it all good? No, of course not. But we have the choice to focus on the good stuff happening around us and keep pushing to see more of that. Or we can sink back and let the overwhelming amount of negative information paralyze us into non-action. How do we start shifting our focus? Start by identifying 1 good thing each day. Build yourself up to 2, 5, 10 good things. Over time your brain begins to see more of what you have asked it to focus on. This is not about being naïve about the hard things – it is about being healthy enough to do something about them. Choose your focus and use it as your platform for change.
3. We are incredible. I am constantly blown away by how inspiring people are. This year I have seen the nurse collapse in my office, unloading 50 minutes of stress so they could show back up for another grueling shift. I have watched the dad break down in worry over not being able to support his family should there be one more downsize at his company. I held space for the couple who showed up week after week to learn how to communicate more effectively so their house is one of peace for their children. I cried with the single parent who literally had nothing left but who, upon leaving the office, musters enough energy for today, counting on fresh grace tomorrow. I am humbled to be a part of each of their stories. All these amazing people exemplifying the need to survive, amid great hardship. I believe we need to give ourselves credit for what we have accomplished this year. Pay tribute to the journeys we traveled and celebrate how incredible we really are. Our efforts this year are extraordinary.
God only knows what the new year will look like. What I know is that people will continue to show up. They will continue to fight for growth. We will continue to be driven by the need for survival. We will adapt to the landscape of next year like we did to 2020, and we will exemplify the attributes we were born with. Because that is what we do.
S t a y w e l l , f r i e n d s - R a c h e l S u l l i v a n , M F T A , C F L E
