JUNE 2015
In this issue
11
8 3
Anniversaries charles r. swindoll
6 Rocks and Milestones steve johnson 8
What are the Keys to Answered Prayer?
6
11 The Value of Remembering dr. dave currie 14 The Gist: Choosing to Treasure steve johnson
Five Phrases You Should Never Say to Your Wife phil callaway
Insights is published by Insight for Living Canada, the Bible-teaching ministry of Charles (Chuck) R. Swindoll. Chuck is the senior pastor-teacher of Stonebriar Community Church in Texas. His international radio program Insight for Living has aired for more than 35 years. We hope this publication will instruct, inspire, and encourage you in your walk with Christ. Copyright Š 2015 Insight for Living Canada. All rights reserved. No portion of this monthly publication may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission from the publisher. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture passages are taken from the NLT. Unless otherwise noted, photography and illustration by Laura Vanderwel. IFLC is an autonomous ministry and certified member of the Canadian Council of Christian Charities. Printed in Canada.
by charles r. swindoll
H
ard to believe, but Cynthia and I celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary this month. You read it right…that’s 10 years more than half a century! I remember looking upon those who celebrated their quarter-of-a-century anniversary as folks who were about a hop away from a walker. And here Cynthia and I are going on 61. How time flies! About the time your face clears up, your mind gets fuzzy. Or at least a little misty. Why?
MEMORIES.
They have a way of washing across one’s mind, like the surf upon the shore, when anniversaries come. Funny memories. Painful ones. All of them dripping with nostalgia. Like our honeymoon—a colossal comedy of errors. And our 18 months of forced separation, thanks to the military. Such lonely times. But essential in our growing up and facing reality. My midstream switch in careers… back to school, that tiny apartment, and those disciplined hours of study. The births of our four children (plus the loss of two we never got to see) and those energydraining years from diapers to kindergarten. How much we learned…how deeply our roots grew…how rugged were some of those roads we travelled. An anniversary reminds you, “Don’t ever forget the memories. They are imperishable.”
CHANGES. You don’t live 60 years
with the same person without doing a flip-flop in several areas of your life. I suppose the most significant change I’ve experienced is in the realm of sensitivity. I have learned to read between the lines, to hear feelings that are never spoken, to see anguish or anger, fun or fear, and confusion Anniversaries continued from p. 3
or compassion in a face that communicates what the tongue may not declare. What an authority I thought I was 60 years ago! And what a difference a wife and a pack of kids and 10 grandchildren—and four greatgrandchildren—can make! God has used them to temper my intensity. The change from an opinionated dogmatist to an openminded learner was significant. That process, by the way, is still taking place. An anniversary reminds you, “Be thankful for the changes. They are important.”
DEPENDENCE.
My marriage has taught me that I am neither all-sufficient nor self-sufficient. I need a wife. I need her support, insight, discernment, counsel, love, presence, and efficiency. She is not my crutch…but she is my God-given companion, ever aware of my moods and my needs. She hears my secrets and keeps them sealed. She knows my faults and forgives them—always. She feels my failures and apprehensions and encourages me through them. For years, Cynthia was unaware of the fact I needed her. I plowed through life like a train—bullish, intimidating, and selfish. Finally, the cracks began to show. Couldn’t hide ’em any longer. The Lord showed me the value of sharing my hurts and admitting my need. Of saying things like, “I’m wrong…I’m really sorry.” And even being up front with my wife and declaring how very much I depend on her to help me hang in there. An anniversary reminds you, “You don’t have to make it on your own. Your partner is irreplaceable.”
DREAMS. Dreams are what you antic-
ipate as a couple and then watch God pull off. Sometimes they are little things, like working in the garden together, dropping
a few seeds and seeing the sprouts, and then the fruit. Or praying together about one of the children, asking God to grab the heart and soften the spirit. As that dream happens, you smile at each other. Occasionally, the dream is a big thing— calling for sustained prayer for the return of a prodigal or for endurance through the long illness of a child. Occasionally, the dream calls for sustained sacrifice, mutually shared. Like getting through school. Or getting out of debt. When the reality finally occurs, no words can describe the pleasure of that long embrace, that kiss of profound accomplishment. An anniversary reminds you, “Think of the dreams you have weathered together. They are intimate accomplishments.” Anniversaries are a beautiful combination of memories, changes, dependence, and dreams. Ours dates back to June 18, 1955, when a couple of kids said, “I do” and committed themselves to each other for life…having no idea what threatening storms lay ahead of us or what unspeakable joys would weld us together.
For more than half of our marriage—35 years to be exact—Cynthia and I have worked side-by-side as partners with a wonderful staff at Insight for Living Ministries. Come to think of it, the ministry celebrates an anniversary this month too—35 years!
“For years, Cynthia was unaware of the fact I needed her. I plowed through life like a train—bullish, intimidating, and selfish.” I am a grateful husband. May God be praised for the plan of marriage and the thrill of celebrating it annually with the one I love. I am a grateful preacher. I give God thanks for His magnificent plan and the tremendous honour we at Insight for Living Ministries have to proclaim His truth around this great-big world.
Charles R. Swindoll serves as the senior pastor-teacher of Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas.
Rocks &
MILESTONES by steve johnson
S
inger Tom Cochrane sang, "Life is a Highway." M. Scott Peck wrote about The Road Less Traveled. And British essayist Oliver Goldsmith said, "Life is a journey that must be traveled no matter how bad the roads and accommodations." Regardless of who said it or how, we are all moving down this road called life. There was a beginning to our earthly sojourn and there will be an end to it. Along the way we encounter milestones. They mark our path, measure our progress, and simultaneously give mute witness to the distance remaining. At the outset of one's journey the milestones mostly mark "firsts" and achievements: first steps, potty training, and first words. These early milestones usually bring delight and joy.
The milestones of youth are full of self-actualization and accomplishments: graduation, marriage, the start of a family, and a first home. Excitement and activity colour the days. In mid-life, the milestones often mark mixed blessings: the kids finally move out, the first grandchild is born, and eventually, parents pass away. In what we sometimes call the sunset years, the milestones come more rapidly than ever. And they often take on the solemn tone of "lasts" and finality: the last vacation trip, the surviving member of a generation passes away, a final move to the care facility. These are usually marked by sadness, resignation, and sometimes regret. Of what significance are these points along the way? Are they simply points of
interest on a road to nowhere? As Christians we say we know better, but do we live it? One of my favourite verses is Psalm 90:12: "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" (NIV). Our days are numbered. They are set and limited. Milestones remind us of that. To number my days as the psalmist says means they need to be "constituted officially." In other words, they need to be prioritized. But prioritized according to what? To answer, Peter writes, "…live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God" (1 Peter 4:2 NASB). To explain how that works in daily life here is a story I read about an instructor who was giving a lecture one day. At one point, he said, "OK, it’s time for a quiz." He reached under a table and pulled out a wide-mouth gallon jar. He set it on the table next to a platter with some fist-sized rocks on it. "How many of these rocks do you think we can get in the jar?" he asked. After we made our guess, he said, "OK, let's find out." He set one rock in the jar…then another…then another. I don't remember how many he got in, but he got the jar full. Then he asked, "Is that jar full?" Everyone looked at the rocks and said, "Yes." Then he said, "Ahhh." He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar and the gravel went in all the little spaces left by the big rocks. Then he grinned and said once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time we were on to him. "Probably not," we said. "Good!" he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went in all the little spaces left by the rocks and the
gravel. Once more he looked at us and said, "Is the jar full?" "No!" we all roared. He said, "Good!" and he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in. He got something like a quart of water in that jar. Then he said, "Well, what's the point?" Somebody said, "Well, there are gaps, and if you really work at it, you can always fit more into your life." "No," he said, "that's not the point. The point is this: if you hadn't put these big rocks in first, would you have ever gotten any of them in?"1
“Seeking to do God's will in everything must be the big rocks of my life around which everything else will flow and fit.” Journeying through life it’s easy to get caught up with the scenery around us, measuring the milestones, and lose sight of the purpose of the journey. The Bible tells us the Christian's journey is all about doing the will of God. Seeking to do God's will in everything must be the big rocks of my life around which everything else will flow and fit. When that is the case, the milestones can come and go as they will, but I can reach the end of the road having made the best of my journey. And you can't ask for anything better than that. 1 Stephen Covey, First Things First, (New York: Simon and Schuster), 1995, pp. 88-89.
Steve Johnson is the executive director at Insight for Living Canada.
by phil callaway
I've been married more than 30 years in a row partly because I have learned the hard way that there are 777 things you should never say to your wife.
T
hankfully I’ve learned some things you should say too, but first here are just five phrases we need to put to rest for good.
1. “Julie’s baby sleeps right through the night.” When our kids were babies and my wife had done without a proper sleep for four years, I once said this to her. Trust me, husbands of young mothers, if you know someone who has a child that sleeps like Rip Van Winkle then wakes up giggling, keep it to yourself. You may find yourself sharing accommodations with the dog. 2. “You sure look tired.” No one who is exhausted has ever been helped by being told they look like it. Say, “You look great.” I’m quite sure the Bible allows you to lie in this instance. Don’t say, “You look rested.” She’ll know you’re a liar. Say, “You look great.” She will still know you’re a liar but she will love you for it.
3. “Why don’t I buy you an exercise machine?” I once heard about a guy whose wife told him she wanted something that would go zero to 60 in less than six seconds. So he bought her weigh scales. I do believe they buried him on a Wednesday. An offer to purchase can be tendered on a house, but never on an exercise bike, spandex, or fitness passes. Which takes us to number four. 4. “I think you should choose the salad.” I know it’s crazy but some women have been known to get really sensitive about their weight. Wise men stop commenting on menu decisions in restaurants. When she orders sweet potato fries, ask to sample a few, but one criticism should only be spoken after one hundred compliments. And remember that a new study has shown that women who are just a bit overweight live longer. Than the men who point it out to them. 5. “What did you do all day?” Women work harder than men. No one has done a study on this because no one has ever questioned it. And lived. My wife’s work ends about 11 p.m. each and every day. She is an adviser, a chef, a chauffeur, a concierge, a doctor, a nurse, an accountant, an economist, an interior designer, a social planner, and a great lover of God and me.
And what have I learned to say? Here is small sampling. • Are you kidding? That dress makes you look sleek and fabulous • You don’t even need makeup • The cell phone can wait. Tell me more about you • So you drove the car through the garage. Who cares? Are you OK? • It looks so great, I didn’t even notice the price tag • What do you think about that? • You’re absolutely right. Not that I’m surprised • I don’t always understand you. But I love you • You’ve been up all day, let me massage those feet • I can’t believe you married me We will celebrate 33 years of marriage this August because we’ve learned to laugh about some of these things, but far
“We’ve found that daily encouragement brings healing and life.” more importantly because we’ve learned to celebrate God’s grace every day. We’ve found that daily encouragement brings healing and life. That repentance and forgiveness keep a marriage strong. That faith in Christ provides the foundation and praying together the glue. That commitment is simply doing the thing we said we would long after the fuzzy feeling we had when we said it is gone. The writer of Proverbs 31 asked, “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.” Amen. And so tonight I plan to thank her by saying, “Let’s go buy you some shoes.”
Phil Callaway is the editor of Servant magazine.
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by dr. dave currie
“H
appy Anniversary!” We say it to encourage the couple observing the annual occurrence of their wedding date. Remembering an anniversary is good. It is both bringing to mind and keeping in mind this significant event. Like birthdays celebrate the start of one’s life and memorials celebrate the completion of one’s life, anniversaries celebrate one’s vows in marriage—the greatest human-to-human pledge a person can make in life. One thing I know for sure, beyond placing my faith in Christ, the decision to marry Donalyn has affected my life more than any other choice. This month we celebrate 41 years of marriage. That’s hard to believe. Where has the time gone?
“You are wise to remember all that God has done for you in your lives and your marriage.” Some people go really big and treat their anniversary like Canada Day. Others let them blow by like a tumbleweed in the desert. Personally, we work to make our day significant. Even in those years when we were busy or couldn’t afford much, we worked to remember the day it all began for us. So what’s right? Why bother? What’s the value of remembering any event? The Bible is full of examples where people were called to remember great events. • God promised Noah after the flood that the rainbow was given as a sign of His covenant so both God and man would remember that the world would never again be destroyed by flood (Genesis 9) • When God met Jacob on the stairway to heaven, Jacob raised a rock of The Value of Remembering continued from p. 11
remembrance anointing it with oil and naming it Bethel—the place of God (Genesis 28) • The Lord told Moses to celebrate the Passover annually to remember God’s protection of the Jews during the Exodus. He said, “This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the Lord—a lasting ordinance” (Exodus 12:14 NIV) • God told Joshua to pile 12 large stones to serve as a sign for all Israel to remember God’s power in crossing the Jordan River (Joshua 4) • Samuel raised his Ebenezer—a rock of remembrance—so Israel wouldn’t forget God’s great help in defeating the Philistines (1 Samuel 7) • Jesus told His disciples after the broken bread and shared wine to “do this in remembrance of me” (Luke 22) We see clear precedent that remembering significant events is key in Scripture. Here are five ways to apply it to your wedding anniversary. Celebration Shows Its Significance To go out of your way to make the day special says to your spouse that the relationship is significant. Take time to recall all the traits that attracted you to your mate in the first place. Applaud each other for what each brings to the friendship. Write these out in a card, a poem, or a song. Declare your marriage as a life priority! Recollection Enhances Its History Don’t let your marriage slip into the twilight zone. Don’t be too busy to take time to remember all the great memories you have had. Together recall your shared history. In doing so you appreciate how far you have come. Walk through the memo-
ries together—not forgetting, not minimizing, and not losing track. No one else shares this unique love history with you. Appreciation Declares God’s Goodness You are wise to remember all that God has done for you in your lives and your marriage. Proverbs says that he who finds a spouse finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22). God did you a favour when He led you to your mate. What a blessing to have His hand on your home. Thank Him together in prayer. Evaluation Keeps It Growing Deeper When you remember, it is far easier to reprioritize. Don’t minimize the importance of your wedding covenant; remember your vows and commit to value them. Marriage isn’t an easy relationship. Evaluation is healthy when you look at what changes you need to make.
Anticipation Strengthens Your Faithfulness When you celebrate regularly and significantly, you keep your marriage in the foreground. Look to the future and anticipate ways to make this year better than last. On our 30th anniversary, Donalyn and I realized that if we live to the average age of our parents, we could easily live to be 60 years married. We committed then to each other to make the second half of our marriage the best half. Even as wedding rings are a daily reminder for you and a daily sign to people in your world that you are exclusive to one person, so make your anniversary a declaration of the importance of your marital vows. Appreciate anew the value of remembering when it comes to your wedding anniversary. God does.
Dr. Dave Currie is the president at Doing Family Right.
by steve johnson
CHOOSING TO TREASURE
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his issue of Insights is about celebrating wedding anniversaries and milestones in life. These are good and necessary. But we need to ask, if we celebrate these things is that enough or is there more to it? I suggest there is more. The gist of it with anniversaries or commemorations is the concept of treasuring. 1. Concept. Treasuring is more than: • Remembering—there are lots of things and people we remember, which we don’t treasure • Appreciating—meaning to recognize the value of something or someone. We may recognize the value of someone but do nothing about it • Valuing—meaning to regard highly and think of greatly. This is good too but may not involve any action It is good and helpful for us to remember, appreciate, and value events and people. Treasuring involves all of them. But they fall short particularly when it comes to peo-
ple closest to us like our spouse and family. Treasuring means to highly value a person or thing and treat as precious. It is an action. It has to do with how we value, treat, and care for people. Can you recall a time when you felt treasured, or conversely, despised by someone? What impact did it have on your life? 2. Choice. Because treasuring is an action, it is preceded by a deliberate decision and choice to treat someone as precious. We may choose to treasure someone because of what that person does for us or because they exhibit qualities we value. In that case treasuring is conditional. God’s desire for us is to treasure someone unconditionally and in spite of that person’s actions. “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church (Ephesians 5: 28-29 NASB).
The key to treasuring lies first in our decision to treasure and then in subsequent unconditional treasuring actions. Who, if anyone, have you chosen to treasure? What do you value about them? Is your decision to treasure based on qualities in the person or is it unconditional? 3. Care. We give special care and treatment to those whom we treasure. When we do that we will find real affection flows from our heart to those we treasure because “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21 NIV). God’s desire is not merely to say we treasure someone but to do it in word and deed. Most of us know how we treat treasured objects with special care and treatment. How much more ought we to treat treasured people with even better care and nurture. Words can either nurture or hurt: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32) Are your words toward those you say you treasure nurturing and cherishing? What actions can you take toward your
spouse and other loved ones to show you treasure them? 4. Cultivation. Our problem with treasuring others lies in our inability to treasure them as Christ treasures us. Of course we cannot treasure perfectly like Christ treasures us but by His Spirit we can strive to. How do we cultivate a treasuring mindset? Christ is our model. Here are a few ways to follow Him. • Recognize that Christ treasures us so much He gave His life for us. We are part of His body. (See Romans 5:8; 1 Corinthians 12:27) • Realize Christ also treasures our loved ones so we are compelled to treasure them too • Remember Christ continues to treasure us regardless of our weaknesses and faults so we should treasure others the same • Reflect Christ as He deals with us lovingly and tenderly and seeks our best interest. Choose to express gentleness instead of harshness, kindness instead of indifference, and care instead of self-interest Steve Johnson is the executive director at Insight for Living Canada.
JUNE FEAT U
RED R ESOURCE
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