MAY 2015
SHARE the LOVE
In this issue
11
6
What are the Keys to Answered Prayer?
8
3
Three Ways to Help Your Kids Keep 11 When Children Stray steve johnson Their Faith charles r. swindoll 14 The Gist: Share the Love 6 Morality is Not the Point steve johnson david carl
Insights is published by Insight for Living Canada, the Bible-teaching ministry of Charles (Chuck) R. Swindoll. Chuck is the senior pastor-teacher of Stonebriar Community Church in Texas. His international radio program Insight for Living has aired for more than 35 years. We hope this publication will instruct, inspire, and encourage you in your walk with Christ. Copyright Š 2015 Insight for Living Canada. All rights reserved. No portion of this monthly publication may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission from the publisher. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture passages are taken from the NLT. Unless otherwise noted, photography and illustration by Laura Vanderwel. IFLC is an autonomous ministry and certified member of the Canadian Council of Christian Charities. Printed in Canada.
Š stocksy.com
Becoming an Authentic Witness robyn roste
cover photo
8
by charles r. swindoll
curious phenomenon has plagued families for as long as there have been families. Go back as far as time will take you, and there it is in all its mystery and misery. What is it? It’s that age-old problem of second-generation fallout. Happily, there are wonderful exceptions. But more often than not, it occurs. Each time it does, this fallout breaks the hearts of godly moms and dads. The scenario goes something like this. A couple falls in love and desires to serve Christ with all their hearts. They get married. Their faith is tempered in the furnace of affliction and hammered out on the anvil of hardship. They press on in their spiritual growth by becoming involved in a local church, where they give generously and consistently and serve in various capacities. As several children come along, they begin to build character qualities into each one as they pray that God will get hold of their little lives and use them for His glory. So far so good.
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“PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS, let me be painfully and firmly honest with you as I offer three ways to help your kids keep their faith.” Time passes. Childhood runs its course, leading to the teen years with all the inevitable adjustments and struggles. The family gets busier than ever, walking gingerly through the minefield of time demands, financial pressures, sports involvements, academic activities, and
relational skirmishes. Nothing blows apart, thank goodness…and before the parents know it, their kids are grown, out of high school, and pursuing any number of options: college, careers, travel, the military, marriage, or whatever. Mom and Dad wind up together and alone, again, breathing big sighs of relief (“We made it!”) and still stable and strong in their Christian walk. But what about the now-grown kids? Ah, there’s the rub. Somehow, between learning how to ride bikes, memorizing the multiplication tables, and perfecting their skills on the piano—and getting married or earning a degree or buying their own home—God got pushed way down their list of priorities. In fact, disciplines like prayer, church attendance, tithing, serving, and serious Bible study got lost in the shuffle. I repeat, there are certainly exceptions to this second-generation fallout, but that’s the tragedy— they are the exceptions. Ever wonder why? Is this some kind of unique, 21st century, postmodern malady? You know better. Even a cursory reading of Scripture reveals the sobering truth: back in biblical times, parents’ hearts were broken by the fallout of kids leaving their faith. A few examples come to mind. • Adam and Eve surely wept over Cain’s murderous act • Isaac and Rebekah must have tossed and turned through sleepless nights over their twin boys’ contentions • Eli the priest was ashamed more than once because of his two immoral sons • David, who loved the Lord dearly, found himself at a loss to understand Absalom • Solomon’s son, Rehoboam, was a national scandal…an unwise and unruly leader
Three Ways to Help Your Kids Keep Their Faith continued from p. 3
The list continues to the present day. Some of you who read these words could add your name to those in biblical times. Truth be told, you have to admit that you could never leave your inheritance to your son(s) and daughter(s) due to their lifestyles, which stand in stark contrast to yours. It breaks your heart. Parents and grandparents, let me be painfully and firmly honest with you as I offer three ways to help your kids keep their faith. First, model personal responsibility. Ours is an era where passing the buck is an art form…where seeing oneself as an “innocent victim” is in vogue. Help your children face up to the hard facts…to tell the truth, regardless. Help them learn this by watching you do it. Second, emphasize the “erosion principle.” Evil is not only getting progressively worse in our culture but also more cleverly disguised. Point that out. Explain how easy it is to get used to evil…to shrug it off, rather than identify it and confront it. If your youngster isn’t alert to evil, he or she will get sucked into it. Third, take time. Take time not just to eat together or work together around the house or do homework together or go to
the athletic games together. Take time to sit and quietly talk together. Take time to play together, and don’t forget to relax and laugh together. It is amazing how an authentic relationship with your child can help prevent second-generation fallout. It helps your kids keep their faith. Of course, even the best parenting is no guarantee that your children will walk with God. I have often been comforted by remembering that God has millions of wayward children. They make their own choices and sometimes those are devastating…just as we parents have made ours. We will all stand before God alone. And what if you have a son or daughter who has yet to respond? Never, never give up! And I mean never. Pray fervently every day. Then with anticipation, just watch God work. Why? Because we never know at what point the Lord may open their eyes. Though second-generation fallout is both ancient and common today…it can be minimized and we parents will have grown spiritually through that process. New and healthy habits can be formed. So start today. Charles R. Swindoll serves as the senior pastor-teacher of Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas.
Morality IS NOT
the Point. by david carl
Morality is not the point.
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ow stay with me. If you don’t agree now, you may when I’m finished. For a while now I’ve been asking the elementaryage kids I know, “What do you think God wants most from us?” Most of the time the answers are something like, “God wants us to be good,” or, “God wants us to pray a lot.” I was even pleased to get a, “God wants
us to help people.” These were the kind of answers I expected—but they are wrong. When I ask, “What does God want most from us?” the words I hope to hear are, “He wants us to love Him.” That’s the point. Morality is not the point. When it does you will become corrupt. You will have lost sight of the main goal—loving God. This concept is very important when you
are guiding a child or young believer in Christ. The Pharisees were moral, the most moral people around, and Jesus reserved His most scathing and condemning words for them (Matthew 23:27). Morality will not save you from hell; it will not even make you a better person. However, it will make life miserable for those around you. And eventually you will run aground. You won’t be able to keep it up; you won’t be able to keep mustering your will to step up and rescue you. Morality is not the point; it is merely a means to a much greater end. When I was a kid I was taught by my Sunday school teachers and youth leaders that if I behaved well, if I was a moral person, good things would come my way. This is a bad bit of theology for a number of reasons. It sets the stage for a theological crisis. One day this well-behaving kid will have the world crash around his ankles, and he’ll try to make sense of it. His thoughts will grope around for conclusions and probably come up with something like this: “I believed that if I was good, good things would happen to me. But because bad things are happening to me, I must conclude that I’m bad and that I deserve what is happening.” Or he might think: “I have been a pretty good kid, and this is not fair. I’ve held up my part of the bargain and God hasn’t. God is neither good nor loving after all.” I often worry about these silent, internal conversations because kids are using bad or incomplete information that leads to conclusions that will send them way off course. I want my kids to behave well. But I don’t want to create a theological crisis for them in the process. Luke 10:27 says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbour as
yourself.” Not self-sacrifice, not giving, not biblical knowledge, and not good behaviour. Though these things are necessary, even indispensable tools on your journey toward becoming Christlike, they must not be allowed to become the goal. If we teach our kids only morality, the undertow of legalism will be almost irresistible. I propose that we as parents, teachers, and children’s workers check our bearings and work to lead our kids to love God first. Considering the character of God, a response of love is the only reasonable one. This is a difficult course to maintain. Along the way you will be a legalist sometimes, but just check your bearings and correct your course. So how do I do this? Introspection is a helpful but underused tool. Ask yourself some tough questions like, “Am I really seeking to know and love God, or am I just reading my Bible so that God will bless me?” Try this one: “Do I treat the lost sinner badly because he offends my morality, or am I filled with compassion for him like Jesus was?” Or, “If I hate things that Jesus did not hate, am I willing to change?” I hope you agree that loving God is the point—the only course worth following. If you do, you should then be asking something along the lines of, “OK, so how do I do this? How do I love God more?” Even harder than that, “How do I help my kids to love God more?” These are exactly the questions to ask. Work on some answers yourself. Ask wise people around you. Be stubborn and intractable until you have a biblical plan that will lead you toward loving God more and guiding others to do the same. David Carl is the children’s pastor at Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas.
Becoming an
AUTHENTIC WITNESS by robyn roste
picking apple
+ tree © shutterstock.com
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few weeks ago my friend posted a picture of a young girl holding a glitter-smeared envelope. His caption read, “My daughter wrote a letter to Jesus and wants to mail it to Him. She said it’s about how much she loves Him. I think I’ll do the same....” My heart melted, of course. Her genuine expression reminded me how far I’m removed from the reckless hope of childhood. It’s wonderful to see the joy kids bring to a family and it’s even more exciting when I witness the impact my friends have on the faith of their children. This past Sunday a young couple dedicated their children at church. The pastor asked if they promised to teach their kids about Jesus. They smiled and said yes. He then asked the congregation the same question. Will we take every opportunity to teach these children about Jesus? The pastor began his sermon after the dedication and talked about Genesis 2:9. “The Lord made all sorts of trees grow up from the ground—trees
that were beautiful and that produced delicious fruit. In the middle of the garden he placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.” There were two trees—a tree of life, and a tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I’ve heard the story a million times, but this time I understood it in relation to parenting. The pastor spoke symbolically about the trees, comparing the tree of life to the things of the Holy Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). He likened the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to religion and law. Here’s what I took away from Genesis 2:9 this time: While cultivating adherence to religion and law is important, what sustains me is the fruit from the tree of life. There is no life in religion. I’m at the age where most of my friends are in the throes of life with young ones. The idea of sitting down and teaching their kids about Jesus (or anything!) seems overwhelming. It’s enough trouble just getting through the day.
Now I’m wondering if I can assist with this great task. How can I help teach the children around me to eat from the tree of life, while still taking good care of the tree of good and evil? Here’s a call to action I’m finding great hope in today. “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases him, and love him and serve him with all your heart and soul,” (Deuteronomy 10:12). What must I do to become a positive influence? Love the Lord, serve Him with all my heart, accept others, and trust Him to do justice. My responsibility? Pour into those around me. Live out the faith in my heart. American writer Ralph Waldo Emerson says it this way, which I find motivational, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Although I’m not yet a parent, I think I’m beginning to understand with some urgency what’s at stake for our children. I bear witness to the amazing parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends and strangers who have passed their faith through the generations by faithful ser-
HOW CAN I HELP teach the children around me to eat from the tree of life, while still taking good care of the tree of good and evil? vice and staying focused on what matters. My personal faith is a testament to these authentic witnesses. I am grateful for the influence and attention my parents, grandparents and many, many faithful Christians poured into my spiritual health. Now I understand and resolve to do the same for others. Thank you. Robyn Roste is the Media and Marketing manager at Insight for Living Canada.
Our national office is located in Abbotsford, BC but our program airs across the country. To find a station near you visit insightforliving.ca/find-station
by steve johnson
D
ave and Helen are committed Christians. When their three children were young they exposed them to the Christian faith through Sunday school, Vacation Bible School, and Christian summer camp. They even home-schooled their children in an effort to instil Christian values. But during the later teen years other influences, particularly friends, seemed to have more of an impact. It wasn’t long before drinking, drugs, and partying became the lifestyle, particularly with the youngest, a daughter. When she graduated from high school, she stopped going to church, got a job as a food server and soon moved out. Eventually she moved in with her non-Christian boyfriend. Dave and Helen have a dilemma. How do they respond to her? What does their faith require of them? Do they draw a firm, values-based line and tell their adult daughter because they disagree with her lifestyle, she is not welcome in their home? Do they act as if nothing is wrong? Is there a middle ground? Unfortunately, this is not an isolated occurrence among Christian families today. In fact, it seems to be more the rule than the exception. What are Christian parents to do when their children stray? What is a biblical response to this situation? 1. Crowd to Christ. Scripture says, “Give your burdens to the Lord and he will take care of you” (Psalm 55:22). Dealing with straying children provides a catalyst for us to grow in our dependence on Christ. God always wants us to trust Him more. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. When Children Stray continued from p. 11
2. Pray. We cannot change other people. Only God can do that: “The king's heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord; he guides it wherever he pleases” (Proverbs 21:1). We need to be asking Him to work in the heart of our errant child and for grace to respond rightly to the situation. Praying together as a family and couple will keep us humble and depending on the Lord. 3. Pull Together. Difficulties with children can potentially tear a couple apart and create rifts among your other children. Recognize this danger and counteract it by not allowing the wayward child and his or her antics to be the only thing you talk about. Continue to make time for yourselves. Strengthen your involvement with your other children and don’t try to hide the situation from them. When they ask questions about what’s going on, answer truthfully. 4. Think Long Term. I believe that if a child is truly the Lord’s He will pursue them and bring them back to Himself in time. "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father’s hand.” (John 10:27-29). Although they may not be walking with Him now, we pray they may again one day. So we must be careful to not allow our pride or embarrassment to dictate actions that alienate them from us. Work to maintain open lines of communication.
5. Express Loving Acceptance. Tell your children you will always love them regardless of what they do. This is how Christ loves us. Our fellowship with Him is broken because we reject Him, not vice versa. How would you relate to your children if they were not yours? Likely you would be more accepting. Show the same acceptance as you would to other adults who are responsible for their own decisions. 6. Share Your Convictions. “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (1 Peter 3:15-16 NIV) If our convictions are biblical, they will stand up to scrutiny. Think through the issues carefully yourself so you can make a convincing case. Respectfully and gently share what you believe about lifestyle choices and why you believe that way. Even if they don’t change, they may, by God’s grace, think about what you’ve said.
Since Cain children have strayed. It happens to families from every strata of society and every denomination of Christianity. To say it can be a heartbreaking experience to go through is an understatement. But it’s also an opportunity to see God work and faith grow. The important thing is how we respond. By His grace, we can deal with it, He can be glorified, and we’ll still have the opportunity to influence our kids for good. Steve Johnson is the executive director at Insight for Living Canada.
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by steve johnson
SHARE THE LOVE
M
any of us want to share or pass on our faith to our kids, our grandkids, our friends, and any others God brings across our path. But when we think carefully about it, do we understand what we’re trying to achieve? If not we can easily and unwittingly undermine our efforts. Because faith in Christ isn’t about morality, doctrinal precepts, or church traditions, sharing our faith is not about passing on a set of morals, doctrines, or church traditions. Instead, we want to pass on love for the Lord. By changing our question from how do I pass on my faith to others? to how do I live so as to cultivate a love for Christ in others? we shift our focus. Here are four things to help us cultivate a love for Christ in others.
1.
Have a sincere, personal, and passionate love for Christ expressed in a godly, loving life. Does God want us to be moral? Absolutely. Does He want us to know doctrine? Completely. Does He want us to follow our church traditions? Sure. Traditions are fine provided they do not replace a loving relationship with the Lord. Our relationship to Him is not moralsbased, doctrine-based, or rooted in church traditions. If it is, then when we are trying to pass on our morals, doctrinal precepts, or church traditions instead of love for Christ, people, particularly our kids, resist. Our relationship to Christ is to be lovebased. When we love the Lord personally, passionately, and openly, then that love will permeate our relationships in an obvious way. Love draws people to Christ.
Ask yourself these questions. • Do I think of my relationship to Christ in terms of living by a certain morality, adherence to a set of doctrines, or church tradition? • Do I believe God will love me more if I am moral, know the Bible better, or follow a particular church tradition? • Does my thinking affect how I view those I want to pass my faith on to? • What does 1 John 4:16-17 say I can do to increase my love for the Lord?
2.
Express a gracious, nonjudgmental acceptance of others that seeks their best. When we are trying to share a faith based in morals, precepts, or church traditions there is always an element of judgment and rejection because we imply the recipient needs what we are sharing in order to be accepted by God. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says, “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” Ask yourself these questions. • In my interactions with others am I looking to blame or bless? • In my interactions with others am I looking to attack or affirm? • In my interactions with others am I looking to be problem-oriented or possibilities-oriented? • In my interactions with others am I looking to be quick to give up or quick to be patient?
3.
Cultivate a wise and understanding heart that strives to influence gently rather than push. We lead and influence others toward loving Christ by embodying the message that God wants us to love Him and
by showing the difference His love for us makes in our own lives. What doesn’t work is pushing our morality, doctrine, or church traditions on others.
“By changing our question
from how do I pass on my faith to others? to how do I live so as to cultivate a love for Christ in others? we shift our focus.”
Ask yourself these questions. • What is central when I interact with others on faith-matters—morality, doctrine, and church traditions, or the love of Christ? • Are my interactions with others drawing people toward loving God or pushing them away from loving Him?
4.
When given the opportunity, share the good news message of love with grace, gratitude, and respect. If our life is like the music of a song, the message of the Gospel is the lyrics. People need direction to know how to respond to God’s love for them. Ask yourself these questions. • Am I able to share the difference God’s love for me and my love for God has made in my life? • Am I able to share the basic truths of the Gospel so others can receive the love Christ has shown? • If not, what will it take so I am able to do that?
Steve Johnson is the executive director at Insight for Living Canada.
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