RELATIONSHIPS

ForgetFORGIVE AND HOW FORGIVENESS PROMOTES GOOD MENTAL HEALTH By Julie Maddock

Forgiving someone is often easier said than done. Our natural tendency often nudges us toward keeping account of the words or actions of others that hurt us. If left unchecked, these negative feelings can lead to harboring resentment. This is a slippery slope, and we may end up with mental injuries that can last a lifetime. The key to avoiding such pain? Forgiveness. WHAT SCIENCE TELLS US

The medical experts agree— forgiveness is good for our mental health. According to the Mayo Clinic, the benefits of forgiving someone (or even yourself) can lead to “less anxiety, stress and hostility” and “fewer symptoms of depression.” And John Hopkins Medicine pointed to studies demonstrating that people who hold grudges “are more likely to experience severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.” LET GO OF GRUDGES

Holding onto a grudge could be likened to you consuming poison while hoping someone else gets sick. Staying angry at someone, who may be oblivious to what they did, is only hurting you. Nursing a grudge denies you the peace that comes from extending forgiveness and mending relationships. Forgiving someone from the depths of your heart and mind will lift a burden off of your shoulders, and allow the healing process to flourish. STEPS TO TAKE ✣ Decide whether or not you can simply forgive and move on. If you feel the need to address the matter, keep this objective in mind—to make peace, mend the relationship, don’t add fuel to the fire. ✣ Send a card, letter or email and let them know how you feel. Acknowledge and apologize for any role you played in the situation. Express your desire to move forward in peace. ✣ If you’re upset with your partner, don’t resort to the “silent treatment”. Instead, let your anger diminish and don’t delay in having a frank, respectful and honest conversation. ✣ After forgiving, resist any tendency to revisit the situation in your mind. Do not dwell on the past. Forgiveness implies you will not keep bringing it up to them, or to yourself. ✣ It’s time to build a bridge and get over it! Doing enables you to forge a stronger marriage, strengthen relationships with your family and repair friendships. The resulting mental peace and happiness are worth the effort.