Thank you: You are Valued and Valuable

A message from Canon Sandra Millar

Just before the funeral yesterday, I took a moment to chat to the staff at the crematorium. As always, they were cheerful, helpful and efficient. And to the families who come, and to their special person, they are always respectful, kind and courteous, but so often completely unnoticed. Behind-the-scenes people are so important: it is you who make sure the space works well and is managed with dignity. You help to make sure that the sense of a special time is created and maintained throughout the service. It’s not easy for ministers to reflect the value of a life when time is pressured, but calm support in the background, helps us to lead with dignity and kindness.

In the past year we have all had to be more adaptable and flexible in our work and have to had to learn quickly how to respond to new technologies, and a whole raft of changing practices. This has been true for ministers, for funeral directors and for you who work at cemeteries and crematoria. Many of us are getting used to being live streamed to people far and wide and learning how to convey warmth and empathy from behind a mask, and at a distance. You have to cope with managing numbers and behaviours in ways that are so difficult when people are grieving, and just long to pay respects or to show simple human warmth by standing alongside, shaking hands, giving hugs. It’s a strange world, and one where the reality of mortality and bereavement has hit home for so many families.

The demands of working around death and with the bereaved takes its toll on our wellbeing. Many of you will be managing complex home situations as well and facing your own anxieties on a daily basis. On behalf of Church of England ministers, I simply want to say thank you to all of you, whatever your role is, for the way you play your part in supporting the bereaved in our communities. We couldn’t do our job without you and we want you to know that we pray for you just as we pray for the families we meet. Please don’t hesitate to ask us for help, whether that is for you personally, or in suggestions for how we can learn together to keep doing things well for families.

With prayers for all of you this day.

Canon Sandra Millar, Head of Life Events, Church of England Sandra.millar@churchofengland.org

Member interaction is the Institute's lifeblood. Why not facilitate a branch meeting?

iccm branch secretaries, contact details

Northern: Graham Harrison Email: Graham.Harrison@durham.gov.uk T: 03000 265 606

Eastern: Tracy Lawrence Email: TLawrence@nenevalleycrematorium.co.uk T: 01933 229 660 or 07904 457 372

South East: Heather White Email: heather.white@southampton.gov.uk T: 023 8076 6405

Midlands and Mid Wales: Michael Birkinshaw Email: bereavement@bromsgroveandredditch.gov.uk T: 01527 62174

North West and North Wales: Dave Jennings Email: Dave.jennings@trafford.gov.uk T: 0161 912 1515

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