OVER THE (NEXT) HILL

Digital Dating

The ways we meet may change, but the laws of attraction never grow old.

BY GAIL GRANT

COURTESY KATHY ANDERSON Do you remember your first crush? Your first kiss? How about “going steady”? I’m guessing these are memories we have all stored away to revisit occasionally.

Those of us who grew up in the 1950s and ’60s met and mingled in our neighbourhoods, our community halls and churches, our schools and universities. Later, we hooked up in watering holes, or perhaps at work.

The fallback position was the newspaper personals column. Though the social acceptance of these ads has waxed and waned with the times, “matrimonial” agencies were helping lonely bachelors find wives through printed ads as long ago as the 1700s.

I remember helping my widowed mother move into her retirement residence many years ago. We finished the heavy lifting, tidied ourselves up and headed to the dining room for dinner. As we walked to our table, I was keenly aware that all eyes, particularly male eyes, were directed toward Mum. “Sizing her up” came to mind – and it dawned on me that the laws of attraction never change.

They might take slightly different forms, but they’re definitely there. Always.

Just as we interact at many of our online meetings and classes, so it is with the current digital dating scene. There’s no dress code, and if you time it right, you can enjoy a martini while browsing through pictures and bios of other singles – without the need for a designated driver.

So are you a single senior interested in a relationship and curious about the process? Are you being nudged toward dating sites by friends and family? Or do you think of internet dating as more like a downed power line, inherently dangerous and unpredictable? Many of us probably know online dating stories that fall on both ends of the spectrum, from horror to happiness forever.

In 2021, Kathy Anderson and Michael Coombs, who met through an online dating site, celebrated their eighth wedding anniversary on their sailboat Escape.

SN A P SHO T | MEE T A C OMMUNI T Y ELDER

IMTIAZ AHMAD

At 80, Imtiaz Ahmad says he is “still working on becoming a better human being.”

When he retired in 2012 from a distinguished academic career, Imtiaz and his wife, Rita, moved to Caledon to be closer to their children, who live in Toronto. In Caledon he has continued the volunteer work that has been a touchstone of his life. He is now the international service chair of the Palgrave Rotary Club, a position that involves supporting worldwide humanitarian projects.

As chair, for example, Imtiaz learned of the plight of Egyptian children who were dying of congenital heart disease because treatments were inadequate. So in partnership with Rotary Clubs elsewhere, he guided the Palgrave club to join a project that gives these children a new lease on life.

Born in India but raised in Pakistan, Imtiaz first came to Canada to do graduate work in electrical engineering at the University of Ottawa. University computer science departments were nonexistent at the time, but computers were the coming thing – and the focus of his electrical engineering studies.

Several years later, with doctorate in hand and married to Rita, a Franco-Ontarian, he moved back to Pakistan to resume his career. But Imtiaz was uncomfortable with the social norms he encountered there. So in 1970, he and Rita, now with two children, returned to Ottawa, where he was welcomed to a faculty position at his alma mater.

With his computer skills in great demand, he moved

For those ready to try digital dating, several sites cater specifically to seniors, including seniors who identify as 2SLGBTQ.

Silver Singles, for example, has been around for more than 20 years, and according to its website, it takes about an hour to complete the questionnaire and get started. Another site, eHarmony, claims its users send 2.3 million messages a week (wow!) and it offers a section dedicated to seniors.

Both Silver Singles and eHarmony offer a free basic membership, as do most dating sites. But most also offer features available only by paying a monthly fee, ranging from about $10 to more than $50.

Mono resident Kathy Anderson, now 67 and retired, was doing well on her own after her marriage unravelled. The principal of a French immersion school in Peel Region, she had developed a strong support group called the First Wives Club. Unlike the movie of the same name that inspired them, the group was not interested in revenge, but rather in supporting one another through the peaks and valleys of single life.

“My life was busy with work, raising children, skiing and adventure travel,” says Kathy. “But I eventually realized I was missing the companionship and continuity offered by a life partner.” As part of a First Wives Club activity, she posted a profile on the dating site Plenty of Fish, mostly because it was free.

Not expecting much, she turned to other interests – for months. When she finally checked the site, she was attracted to the kind eyes of a widower who indicated an interest in her.

Kathy connected with Michael Coombs, initially for a walk, then dinner. She laughs heartily as she recalls his insistence on being her plusone at an upcoming wedding.

The seasons changed. Michael bought secondhand skis, took lessons and became competent enough to join her on a ski weekend in Banff that Easter.

Again the seasons changed. Kathy and Michael signed up for sailing lessons and bought a sailboat together. They began to plan their wedding. On the second anniversary of their first date, they married and have now been married for eight years.

“Kathy says we’re lucky. I say we’re blessed,” says Michael. “We come from different places, different life experiences, but it works. And if there’s anything I’ve learned in my 72 years, it’s that doing it ‘someday’ doesn’t cut it. Do it now.”

A footnote about my mum: She met a very nice man who also lived in her retirement residence. They spent the last years of their lives together in a strong and loving relationship.

Gail Grant is a happily retired senior who lives in Palgrave.

Along with his Islamic faith, a focus on helping others has defined Imtiaz Ahmad’s life purpose.

to the University of Windsor, where he and Rita celebrated the birth of their third child, and then on to Eastern Michigan University in Ann Arbor, where he is now professor emeritus.

“The commute from Windsor to Ann Arbor could be tedious, but it also gave me thinking time,” he says.

Along the way, Imtiaz experienced a revival of his Muslim faith and its focus on helping others. He served as president of the Windsor Islamic Association and president of the Association of Muslim Scientists and Engineers of North America. He was also instrumental in creating the Islamic Society of North America, one of whose goals is to foster understanding of Islam.

Calling himself a dreamer, he says that he never felt denied opportunities in Canada because he was born elsewhere. “As humans, our real value comes from what we do for others,” he says.

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