SELF-CARE MAKES LIFE BETTER FOR EVERYONE

CHLOE O'SULLIVAN

I have been an absolute nightmare to be around just lately. Not the ideal opening sentence, I grant you, but the truth, nonetheless. It’s not even been by design or a conscious choice. I don’t know about you, but it’s been a rough few years.

I am from a family of incredibly strong women, which I will be eternally grateful for. With a mantra of “No one can change your life except for you” (to steal a line from Wilson Phillips), our prevailing (albeit unspoken) sentiment has always been to get up and get on with it.

Since she was born, it has just been the kid, and I and I’m so thankful for the special bond that we have as a result. She is this amazing child with a kind heart. She loves animals and has a lovely little group of friends. You always want your children to be a better, more evolved version of you. Partly because you have had a lifetime of experience, and you hope to teach them the lessons you learned.

I had a moment the other day when I realised that she is better at something than I am. At first, I felt really proud, but I figured out it was a bit tragic. This realisation happened at the end of a long day. I ran a hot bath and had just gotten in. At that second, the bathroom door came flying open. The kid enters the room with her iPad and a note. A very well-written letter with beautiful pictures included explaining to me why she needed 400 Robux (currency in an online game for those of you who don’t have kids that age).

Now in a better frame of mind, I might have taken the time to admire the workmanship and be thrilled by the thoughtfulness of the approach. I might have appreciated her reasoning skills and been thankful to have raised a kid who was confident enough to ask for what she wanted. All this would have been the reaction of a calm, totally centred, reasonable human being. However, after doing 15 different things for other people across the day, cooking dinner, running to soccer practice, sorting out an impending crisis for a friend, caring for a sick family member, trying to work out what the unexplained growth was on my dog and stubbing my toe on something that I had been asking the kid to pick up for three straight days, what actually happened was a little less zen. What eventuated was a naked hissy fit that ended in water being all over the bathroom floor and me yelling, “for the love of all that is holy, can I just have five bloody minutes to myself!”

After I had mopped up the bathroom and had a coffee and a chocolate biscuit, I explained to her that it wasn’t her fault. That mum had a very long day and was tired and grumpy and despite my reaction, being home with her was my favourite part of the day. Once I was snuggled next to her watching her fall asleep, I realised I had done my job with her. She did know to ask for what she wanted. I wonder when that goes away because it’s certainly not something I’m good at. In the end, there is nothing wrong with saying that I need to have a 3-hour chat with a friend after everyone has gone to bed or an uninterrupted bath, but sometimes you need to say that out loud so people don’t need to guess. I’m going to start doing that right now. Right after I go to Bunnings and buy a lock for the bathroom door.