3 minute read
Do You Lift or Crush?
By Allison Okuneye
Encourage. OR Discourage?
Spirits. Not weights.
By spirits, I mean people...not alcohol. Ok let me explain,
I love people. I am a people person, I do not have a "type" of friend, I can find connecting points with most human beings. With that being said, in my small world of people I am connected to, I have them broken down into two groups: Group 1 are people I have great relationships with and we can catch right back up after not talking for years. We c an send random texts or GIFs for a good laugh. It is a great group of people and the relationship hardly every goes below the surface. Group 2 is different, and A LOT smaller. Group 2 is filled with the select few who have witnessed me cry (actual, real, live tears) and have seen the absolute worst, and have also experienced my absolute best! They can hold my secrets, and encourage me when I am on a ro ll, b ut also can listen to me when I am knee deep in an emotional breakdown. I love AND need both groups in my life. Now, there are some people that won't ever make it in Group 2, but it’s not because I don't want them to be there. I have had to learn through
extensive therapy and of course the good old fashioned hard way that you can't go to everyone with everything. For example, I had a friend that I would call right away when I got good news and was so excited I could almost burst. My excitement was ALWAYS met with criticism, questions, doubt, cynicism, and before I knew it, my excitement was CRUSHED. It took me a long time to realiz e that I love my friend, but I cannot share good news with h er. This is not because I don't want her to be a part of my good news, I just knew that for whatever reason, she did not know how to be a part of my joy. She was a CRUSHER. It is important to know which of the friends in your circle are CRUSHERS, and which ones are LIFTERS. Lifters will not only match your excitement, but will sometimes even outd o you! This does not mean that they won't ever question or bring something to your attention if it seems off. But in the moment of your good news, they will be there, and they will be SUPPORTIVE. They will keep you lifted, and will choose another time and place for questions or criticism. They will join wholeheartedly in your exc itement. These are the LIFTERS. We understand the importance of knowing wher e our friends fall, but the most IMPORTANT question is which o ne are YOU? What kind of friend/sister/wife/mother are YOU? What is your first reaction to exciting news? Do you LIFT others up? Or do they leave a conversation with you and feel CRUSHED and defeated? We focus A LOT on the way that other people treat us, and how they show up in our relationships, but it is rare that we turn the question around a nd dive deeper into the type of person we are. Take some time and look at the different relationships in your life; if you feel really bold, you can even ask those who you know will give you an honest answer where you fall. Chances are, you might not be as aware as you think you a re when it comes to those closest to you, and that is OK. This is about being better than we were yesterday, and taking small steps in the right direction. So here is your challenge. Be a LIFTER this month in as many of your relationships, and in as many situations as you can. If you want extra credit, journal about your experience. Where did you see a difference? Were some relationships easier to be a lifter than others? What r eactions (if any) did you get? I can't wait to hear about your experience! We can do this, let's get t o lifting!!!
Take care of each other out there.
Allison Okuneye @dkdesignheadwear dkdesignheadwear@gmail.com
