ISSUE #10
YOUR MAG. YOUR VOICE.
REST RICT ED
18 18
RESTRI CTED
RESTRICTED TO PERSONS 18 YEARS & OVER
MAY CONTAIN TO PERSONS RESTRICTEDNOTE: OVER IVE CONTENT, 18 YEARS & OFFENS
HIGHLY AWKWARD DATING & SEXUALLY MOMENTS.
NOTE: MAY CONTAIN SITUATIONS OFFENSIVE CONTENT, ING DATING LIBERAT HIGHLY AWKWARD SITUATIONS & SEXUALLY LIBERATING MOMENTS.
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Live Monday 12th September YOUR COURSE, YOUR FEE’S, YOUR CAREER, YOUR SAY! IT’S YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE YOUR SAY ANONYMOUSLY.
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S N O S R E P O T D E T C I R T S E R R E V O & S R A 18 YE N I A T N O C Y A NOTE: M
S 18WHICH W E N 0 1 E D A IR RESIDENT’S T P 8 L IA R O IT D E ARODIES 6 P O N R O P 0 3 ? O YOU SPEAK D E G A U G N A L LOVE BLIND DATE C E IT N U 2 5 0 1 DER $ 3810 DATES UN M 64THE E O P G IN IT R W REATIVE WEBISODE 54C K ROUND E E W N IO H S A F ODISIACS 68 R H P A L A R U T A N TERTIARY 0 9 W IE V R E T NOTES: DAZ IN L A IC S U M 2 8 UP S 94SAM W IE V E R 2 9 Y OTO GALLER CHALLENGE PH E OF BALLS V O L E H T R O F 8 RVIEW 9 SNEDDEN INTE N COMP IO T P A C 6 0 1 N 104WHAT’S O
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IN UNISON
EDITORIAL
HI AL F
eels like spring is finally in the air!! What a wonderful time of year; a time of regrowth, renewal, and reproduction....
That’s right! As the Zombies so rhythmically explain, “It’s the tiiiiime of the season”. The Birds and the Bees are out once again, and LOVE is in the air. As the temperatures begin to rise, so do our libidos! Maybe it has something to do with the gradually tanning complexions, and rapidly decreasing clothing to body surface ratio. Or maybe there really is something in the air that puts smiles on our faces, pep in our step, and sexually charged hormones pumping through our blood stream. At In Unison, we got to discussing where the old phrase, “The Birds and the Bees” came from. This old English idiom came from the softened explanation
LETTERS
TO THE EDITOR
of reproduction to small children who were eager to know “where babies came from”. The Birds and the Bees is an exaggerated illustration of fertilisation and ovulation. The bee pollinates and fertilises the flowers, and the bird lays the eggs. Hmm….interesting….kind of? Funny how times have changed.
One thing that will surely never change is our society’s absolute obsession with sex. It’s said that something like every 7 seconds, we think about sex. That means by the time you finish reading this editorial, you will have had at least 30 sexual thoughts...you nympho you! Our Birds and the Bees issue is released exclusively online. You’ll notice that in doing so we made the magazine a bit longer, and MUCH more interactive. Take some time to flip through the pages and take advantage of all the videos, hyperlinks, and the virtual quiz. This is meant to become an enhanced magazine
Letters should be 250 words or less. You MUST include your real name, phone number and address so we don’t get sued (we won’t print them if you don’t want us to). We won’t spell-check it, but we might edit, abridge, or decline it without explanation.Send letters to: inunison@unitec.ac.nz or, USU Students’ Association, Builing 180, 139 Carrington Road Auckland
IN UNISON FEATURE
LL! reading experience, so let us know what you think!! We’ve introduced our very first video feature “webisode” (which follows the blind date of two Unitec students over the course of their night). The photo galleries also contain videos, so check out some of the excitement from Tertiary Challenge and NZ Fashion Week 2011!
USU is also running an exciting campaign that recognises one standout student at Unitec for their display of personal and academic excellence. If you have a student nomination for an individual that has conquered an amazing feat or overcome great obstacles, then send your nomination to: usucommunications@unitec.ac.nz. That student will be in to win $300 worth of vouchers to rewards their salient efforts. I hope everyone is enjoying their semester! As always, get in touch if you’re keen to contribute to your student media. Ashley Smith 2011 Editor
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IN UNISON
EXECUTIVE
KIA ORA
UNITEC QUESTION: HOW DO YOU MAKE WHAT A STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION DOES “SEXY”? This may seem unusual, and perhaps perverse, but I’m not talking about hosting a wild sex party at Carrington’s and I’m certainly not planning on changing my work attire to fishnets and a whip. So what am I talking about? Mostly I’m talking about communication. No, not chatting, out of breath, over cigarettes and pizza, rather making sure you know what we actually do for you as an association and making sure you can have your say in the education you spend a shit-load of money to get. Believe it or not, keeping you all posted about the enthralling tales of advocacy and representation on academic committees is actually not always the easiest thing to do. Most often, it’s because these things aren’t always that exciting to read about if you aren’t either personally involved or a total nerd like I am. So I ask the question: How do you make this stuff “sexy”? I suppose that if what we do is relevant to you, then we shouldn’t have to make it sexy, because people will just care, right? So really we just need to make
sure that you are given ownership over decisions you care about which affect your time here. In the interests of moving one step closer to doing this at all levels of Unitec, we’re completely reframing the way we tackle this thing called “Student Voice”. Now, for reasons touched on above, I’m not going to copy and paste Policies and Venn diagrams (if you want, come by my office and I’ll Venn that shit up though) but essentially what we’re doing is framed by what you said about reps in last year’s satisfaction survey, consultation with staff, some student focus groups, and some hard thinking about things we don’t believe any Students’ Association has managed to quite get right before. We took the bad stuff, scrapped it and started again while holding onto what you said was good. So what does that mean? Among other things: -Less important meetings that reps cant attend because they happen during classes
A
Marcelle Rayner Waitakere Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: marcelle.unitec@gmail.com
Natasha Donaldson General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Shaun Overton General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Seyed Ali Derhamy General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Johnny “Hoani’”Hettig Maori Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Umar Ayub Postgraduate Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Take care, everyone!
Chantelle Francis General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
If that’s not sexy enough, let me know and maybe I’ll consider the fishnets and whip.
Jenine Kendale Finance Officer Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usufinanceofficer@unitec.ac.nz
Keep your eyes peeled for changes not just in the systems we’re using, but in the level of awesomeness you experience here at Unitec.
Karan Jatakia International Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
-Access to the benefits of representation (seeing things actually change when you say they aren’t good enough) even for classes that don’t have the ability to elect a “representative”.
Shannon Pennefather Vice President Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 7929 Email: usuvp@unitec.ac.nz
-More clarity around the role of a rep for both the reps and the students who need them.
Pete Hodkinson Student President Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 7929 Email: usupresident@unitec.ac.nz
C!
2011 USU EXECUTIVE -More input into non-academic matters (food on campus, student services, facilities, security).
-And perhaps most importantly, better informed reps who are given access to consultation and feedback tools rather than just being expected to somehow know what those around you are thinking all the time.
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IN UNISON
NEWS
UNITEC LAUNCHES STUDENT FILM FESTIVAL TO SHOWCASE TERTIARY STUDENT WORK By Merilee Andrews
Unitec Institute of Technology is proud to announce the launch of a new student film festival, set up to showcase emerging student talent from New Zealand, and around the world. Uni Shorts International Student Film Festival opens for submissions last Thursday (September 1), and all current film students enrolled in tertiary study, as well as recent grads, are invited to take part. The festival - thought to be the first of its kind in the country - will combine a competition, film screenings and discussion forums, and is planned to take place in April 2012. "We realised that there was a gap in the Australasian region for the showcasing
of tertiary student work. Given that the quality has increased tremendously and many of these films screen internationally, we felt they deserved to be seen by a wider New Zealand audience," says Athina Tsoulis, Head of Unitec's Performing and Screen Arts Department, which originated the initiative. "We anticipate that the festival will not just screen work, but provide a platform for discussion on the issues that affect all emerging film makers and the landscape they are entering." Film students and recent graduates all over the world can enter their work, which must have been made as a requirement of their tertiary study. The work must have been made between March
2010 and November 2011. The festival will feature 100 per cent student work, no more than 20 minutes in duration. The categories are: fiction, non-fiction, animation and non-narrative. The cost to enter is set at an affordable level - NZ$40 for earlybirds and NZ$50 full price - to encourage participation. There will be prizes (Euro$1000) for best local, best international and best film overall, as well as outstanding performance, chosen by a panel of judges. Submissions close on November 30. For entry forms to the competition and festival, go to www.unishorts.unitec.ac.nz
Feeding Auckland students for the last 28 years.
y er ev m p 0 .0 7 to 0 .0 5 r u o h y p Hap
day
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FREE CONCERTS SET TO ROCK RUGBY WORLD CUP 2011 By Claudia Innes
Auckland’s Queen’s Wharf is set to host more than 40 iconic New Zealand bands and musicians during Rugby World Cup 2011. The line-up of New Zealand bands and musicians will include Katchafire, the Black Seeds, Che Fu, Anika Moa, The Feelers, Dragon, and Opshop. Rugby World Cup 2011 Minister Murray McCully and Auckland Mayor Len Brown announced the core programme on Friday. “This is the biggest lineup of New Zealand music ever seen in one place and is a major part of the entertainment package on Queens Wharf,” said Mr McCully.
Len Brown believes that the Rugby World Cup is about more than just rugby; it is also a chance to showcase our country to the world. “There is something for everybody and I look forward joining Aucklanders and visitors from around New Zealand and throughout the world to party on Queens Wharf,” said Len Brown. Queens Wharf has four main showcase and performance spaces – The Cloud, Shed 10, The Main Stage (outdoor stage) and the Forecourt. Late nights at The Cloud on Friday and Saturday nights will also include some of New Zealand’s top DJ’s including P Monday, Nick D, and Karn Hall. Queen’s Wharf will give
people who do not have tickets to the matches a chance to get involved in the Rugby World Cup 2011 celebrations. “New Zealanders and visitors will be able to watch the rugby on big screens, enjoy free concerts by top kiwi bands and view displays of New Zealand’s creativity, innovation and ingenuity,” says McCully. Queen’s Wharf is a six-week programme running from 9 September to 23 October with free access, licensed bars, and food and beverage outlets. Events calendars will be available closer to tournament time with details about the acts on during Rugby World Cup 2011.
Your new LINK around town The easy way to get around the City
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STUDENT
REPS REPRESENTING STUDENTS AT THE
‘GRASSROOTS LEVEL’.
STUDENT REP NOMINATE YOUR FOR 2012
ELECTIONS HELD BETWEEN MONDAY 26TH SEPTEMBER - FRIDAY 4TH NOVEMBER
FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT THE STUDENT REP. CO-ORDINATOR ON For further information on LINK bus routes, timetables and prices, visit www.maxx.co.nz/LINK
maxx.co.nz/LINK 09 366 6400 SERVICE BROUGHT TO YOU BY AUCKLAND TRANSPORT & NZ BUS
USUEDUCATION@UNITEC.AC.NZ OR 8154321 EXT 7380
usu Students’Association at Unitec
S N O I T C E L E STUDENT
N E P O
MBER E T P E S 6 2 M O N D AY
S E T O V O H W E V E RY O N E DRAW TO WIN AN
! 2 D i PA
THE WILL GO IN
BS! P FOR GRA U S E IZ R P AV E S P O T WE ALSO H
FOR INFORMATION ON HOW TO ELECT REPRESENTATIVES FOR STUDENT EXECUTIVE 2012 CHECK YOUR EMAIL OR VISIT THE USU WEBSITE
VOTING CLOSES TUESDAY 4TH OCTOBER 2011
usu Students’Association at Unitec
WWW.USU.CO.NZ
IN UNISON
NEWS
GOVERNMENT TO CRACK DOWN ON LOAN REPAYMENTS By: Nathan Calis
New legislation recently rushed through parliament has given Inland Revenue new legal powers in recouping student debts. The Student Loan Scheme Bill passed its third and final reading, with Revenue Minister Peter Dunne saying the legislation “recognises the importance of borrowers honoring their repayment obligations”. "This bill allows Inland Revenue to recall those loans in full, with outstanding interest and penalties," Mr Dunne said during the bills third reading. Whilst the majority of borrowers are currently meeting their repayment requirements, Mr Dunne said
the new legislation will help Inland Revenue “in cases of serious non compliance”. The Labour party confirmed its support for the bill, particularly the recouping the debts of overseas borrowers whom account for approximately $2b worth of student loan debts. The Government’s new loan recalling powers would be exercised from April next year, starting with cases in Australia. The implementation of online services and simplified penalty rules are the other changes made by the bill in an attempt to make loan management and repayment easier.
“Borrowers will be able to access information on their loan balance and manage their repayment responsibilities wherever they are and at any time.” This will effectively streamline the repayment process in that borrowers no longer have to contact two agencies. The new services will come at a cost of a $40 administration fee for students; something Union of Students' Associations copresident Max Hardy labeled an “unnecessary tax” that would make loan repayment even harder.
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FAQ
WHY CAN’T I HA DURING INTERC
Q#1:
AVE AN ORGASM COURSE?
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IN UNISON
FEATURE
LO L E H T E K TAVE LANGUAGE
TEST HERE
LO
GONE WITH THE WIND 1939
OVE LANGUAGE
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IN UNISON FEATURE
LET’S FACE IT…WE DON’T ALL SHOW OUR AFFECTION IN THE SAME WAY. SOME OF US OVERFLOW THE ONES WE LOVE WITH EXTRAVAGANT GIFTS, AND OTHERS PREFER TO COOK A HOME COOKED MEAL FOR THEIR “SOMEONE SPECIAL”. THERE ARE FIVE DIFFERENT LOVE LANGUAGES THAT ARE COMMONLY USED TO EXPRESS LOVE WITHIN AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP. THESE INCLUDE: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, ACTS OF SERVICE, PHYSICAL TOUCH, QUALITY TIME, AND GIFT GIVING. IT IS VALUABLE TO FIGURE OUT WHICH LOVE LANGUAGE YOU SPEAK, AND WHICH YOU RESPOND TO, IN ORDER TO MOST EFFECTIVELY EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS OF ENDEARMENT TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
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SABRINA 1954
AFFIRMA F O S D R WO
TION
ONE WHO SPEAKS THE LOVE LANGUAGE, “WORDS OF AFFIRMATION” IS VERY CONSIDERATE IN THE WORDS THAT THEY PICK TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES. THEY ALSO TAKE TO HEART THE WORDS THAT ARE SPOKEN TO THEM. COMPLIMENTS ARE OF THE HIGHEST VALUE, AND YOU ENJOY RECEIVING POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT AROUND THE PROJECTS THAT YOU CARRY ON. YOU APPRECIATE THE MEANING AND VALUE BEHIND THE “SWEET NOTHINGS” THAT YOUR PARTNER SPEAKS OUT LOUD OR PUTS INTO A BIRTHDAY CARD. THOSE THREE SPECIAL WORDS NEVER GO UNDERAPPRECIATED.
THE WIZARD OF OZ 1939
SERVICE F O S T C A
ONE WHO SPEAKS THE LOVE LANGUAGE, “ACTS OF SERVICE” ENJOYS IT WHEN THEIR PARTNER GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO BESTOW A FAVOUR. YOU WOULD FEEL ULTIMATELY LOVED AND APPRECIATED IF YOU CAME HOME TO FIND YOUR DRY CLEANING HAD BEEN PICKED UP FOR YOU WITHOUT ASKING! HAVING A MEAL MADE FOR YOU IS ONE OF THE BEST FORMS OF LOVING EXPRESSION YOU COULD POSSIBLY RECEIVE. YOU FEEL MOST SPECIAL WHEN A LOVED ONE PUTS THEIR HEART INTO A SELFLESS FAVOUR FOR YOU.
PHYSICAL
DRACULA 1931
TOUCH
ONE WHO SPEAKS THE LOVE LANGUAGE, “PHYSICAL TOUCH” MIGHT BE KNOWN AS THE TOUCHY FEELY TYPE, BUT THIS ISN’T ALWAYS THE CASE. PHYSICAL TOUCH INCLUDES FEELING SPECIAL WHEN HOLDING HANDS, OR EVEN GRAZING BODIES WHEN PASSING BY ONE ANOTHER. YOU AREN’T SHY WHEN IT COMES TO PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION BECAUSE YOU FEEL THAT A KISS HERE AND THERE IS THE BEST WAY TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. YOU ARE THE TYPE OF LOVER OR FRIEND WHO IS ALWAYS KEEN FOR A GOOD HUG!!
BONNIE AND CLYDE 1967
QUALITY
TIME
ONE WHO SPEAKS THE LOVE LANGUAGE, “QUALITY TIME” ENJOYS THE ONE ON ONE TIME SPENT WITH THEIR SPECIAL SOMEONE. YOU WOULD LOOK FORWARD TO A LONG ROAD TRIP THAT ALLOWS FOR QUIET UNINTERRUPTED TIME WITH ONE ANOTHER. THE BEST WAY FOR A PARTNER TO SHOW THEIR AFFECTION TO YOU WOULD BE TO PLAN AN ENTIRE ROMANTIC DATE FOR THE TWO OF YOU. YOUR HEART LINGERS AT THE IDEA OF SHARED EXPERIENCES.
NG GIFT GIVI
GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES 1953
ONE WHO SPEAKS THE LOVE LANGUAGE, “GIFT GIVING” IS TRULY MOVED BY THE PROSPECT OF RECEIVING A THOUGHTFUL GIFT. YOU FEEL MOST LOVED WHEN YOU RECEIVE A GIFT THAT HAS CLEARLY BEEN THOUGHT OUT AND WELL SUITED TO YOUR PERSONALITY. YOU APPRECIATE THE TIME AND THE CONSIDERATION THAT WENT INTO THE GIFT. RECEIVING GIFTS IS A NICE SURPRISE THAT KEEPS THE SPARK ALIVE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!
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IN UNISON FEATURE
EVER WALKED PAST THE R18 SECTION OF THE VIDEO STORE AND BURST OUT LAUGHING AT A FUNNY PORNO TITLE? FOR AS LONG AS THERE HAS BEEN PORN, THERE HAS BEEN CORNY (OR SHOULD I SAY PORNY?) INTERPRETATIONS OF HIT FILMS AND TELEVISION PROGRAMS. WHILE YOU MAY DEBATE WHETHER THESE CRUDE VERSIONS OF MAINSTREAM MEDIA ARE APPEALING TO PORN ENTHUSIASTS, YOU SIMPLY CANNOT DENY THE FACT THAT THE TITLES THEY COME UP WITH ARE HILARIOUS. THE PORN INDUSTRY IS NOTORIOUS FOR TAKING INNOCENT MOVIES AND TELEVISION PROGRAMS AND CORRUPTING THEM. NATHAN CALIS DID SOME “RESEARCH”, AND REVEALS A NEW KIND OF FUN YOU CAN HAVE WITH PORN.
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“PLAY-MATE VIABLE PORN APES, UNTIL IT WOULD B PORNO—HA WOMEN WHO
F
rom Forest Hump a porno featuring hippies, a bus bench and a box of chocolates, to Bitanic, a bisexual take on the 90’s tragedy, modified to feature a happy ending, the porn industry clearly gets a lot of its inspiration from Hollywood. There are so many Hollywood spin-offs out there; it appears that every time someone makes a movie, there’s someone else out there trying to think of an erotic version of it.
Whilst these parodies appear to be quite prolific, the Hollywood spin-off genre of pornography is relatively small. Rather, most pornographic films are titled with reference to the ethnicity, gender, and defining features of the films’ actors, as well as any fetishes that are explored. Why this is such as small genre of pornography is a mystery. Perhaps there are challenges in relating pornographic material to the Hollywood titles. For example, Play-mate of the Apes sounds like a viable porn parody of Planet of the Apes, until you consider how hard it would be to recruit apes
IN UNISON FEATURE
OF THE APES SOUNDS LIKE A N PARODY OF PLANET OF THE L YOU CONSIDER HOW HARD BE TO RECRUIT APES FOR A RDER STILL, TRYING TO FIND O WILL BE INVOLVED IN THAT SORT OF THING” for a porno—harder still, trying to find women who will be involved in that sort of thing. It gets disturbing pretty quickly when you start to think about it. Most disturbing of all, however, are the children’s movies that have been sexualised. Pocahotass, Little Spermaid, and Sex-Toy Story are just a few of the pornographic concepts I can’t get my head around. For one, the little mermaid was in fact half fish, and we’ve all deliberated long and hard (excuse pun) about the problems that this throws up.
As tacky and as seedy as these pornographic films may seem, there is a lot of fun you can have with them. Be it a drinking game, or simply a time killer when making a long journey. Going around a circle making up as many porno parodies as you can is hugely entertaining. If you finally run out of ideas, you can play, ‘Plot this Porno’. To play ‘Plot this Porno’, one player names a parodic pornographic film, television series, or game; it can be real or made up. Another player then has to come up with a plot to the film based on its
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title. If you don’t think it would be fun, try explaining to somebody what would happen in a porn movie called King Dong. Of similar amusement are movies that don’t even need to be renamed to title pornographic material. The Ring, The Inside Man, and Snakes On A Plane are just some of the movies that lend themselves to unedited porno crossovers. On the other hand, there are films that have been changed that didn’t necessarily need it. I can’t imagine Sluts in the city varies much from the original Sex in the city, which featured moments of soft porn regularly.
It’s not just movies that get the porn parody treatment. Television shows can just as easily be transformed into smut. The titles 30 Cock, Everybody Does Raymond and Guess Who’s Coming To Rim Her demonstrate how easy a dirty mind can transform something innocent into something indecent. Likewise, the porn industry has had a go at making pornographic versions of video games. World of Whorecraft and Call of Booty: Modern Whorefare are fairly self-explanatory titles; however, Biocock is one that leaves me scratching my head.
IN UNISON FEATURE
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NATHAN'S
PICKS SH AV ING RY AN’S PR IVA TES WH ITE ME N CA N’T HU MP MIS SIO NA RY: IMP OS SIB LE PO KE ‘ER MO M CH AR LIE’S AN AL S GA Y’S AN AT OM Y SC HIN DL ER’S FIS T ME N IN BLA CK S TR AN YF OR ME RS SC HO OL OF CO CK HA NG CO CK TH E SLU TTY PR OF ESS OR
Say what you like about the seedy nature of the porn industry, or the sex industry as a whole. The parodic genre of the industry deserves kudos produces hilarious spin-off titles that can make even the most conservative of us chortle. One website I visited rated American Cream Pie, Whore of the Rings, and Womb Raider as the three best pornographic parodies of popular films, here are some of my favourite pornographic parody titles that I found.
ME AT TH E PA RE NT S AL IA YO U’V E GO T MA LE…GE NIT RO BO CO CK AL LY MC FEE L JUR AS SIC PO RK SEX OR CIS T R MU FFY TH E VA MP IRE LA YE TH E DA VIN CI LO AD
FAQ
WHAT CAN I DO NATURAL SEX D
Q#2:
O TO BOOST MY DRIVE?
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IN UNISON FEATURE
DATE IDEAS UNDER $10 By Samantha Gee
BEING A STUDENT HAS ITS PERKS, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO WOOING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER WITH A FANCY NIGHT OUT – A LIMITED BUDGET CAN REALLY HOLD YOU BACK. IF YOU NEED HELP MAKING YOUR LOVED ONE FEEL SPECIAL, PICK AND CHOOSE BETWEEN THE IDEAS BELOW AND MAKE THEM YOUR OWN. THE BEST DATES NEED TO BE A LITTLE PLANNED BUT FLEXIBLE, A BIT OF AN ADVENTURE BUT EASY TO ENJOY. THESE IDEAS ARE DESIGNED TO SCORE YOU SOME SERIOUS POINTS, WHO ISN’T A SUCKER FOR A LITTLE ROMANCE?
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1
RSHMA OAST MA R + T R O B U IL D A F
LLOWS
If you have a fireplace then this is super easy, all you need is furniture, blankets and pillows to build a fort, mugs for hot chocolate and marshmallows to roast by the fire. If you don’t have a fire inside, you can gather firewood and build one just as easily outside, weather dependant of course and you might need more blankets for warmth!
IN UNISON FEATURE
2
SSERT PICK A DE
DATE
This one takes some advance planning; you need three envelopes each with a different option for dessert. You let your date choose an envelope and then do whatever activity is inside. The ideas are up to you, but the first could be a recipe and list of ingredients – after a quick trip to the supermarket you make it together. The second, grab an ice cream somewhere cute and close to home. The third, make a trip to Parnell and have one of the infamous hot chocolates at The Chocolate Boutique.
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3
D RELAX N A D A E R
Find a bookstore close to you that has a cafĂŠ in store and allows you to relax and browse through the books. Pick out a book you are both interested in and read it together, or pick out books for each other. Chapter in Mt Eden has an amazing selection of tea and stocks mainly romance fiction. For a broader selection, Baci Lounge in the Rialto, Newmarket is open late,
IN UNISON FEATURE
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L MARKET A C O L A EXPLORE
Get up early on a Sunday and venture to the local market in your neighbourhood, or further afield if you wish. There are great markets in Kumeu, Clevedon, Titirangi, Parnell and Grey Lynn that have everything from arts and crafts to fresh produce. Create your own fun by find the craziest/most useless things for sale, or split up and spend $5 buying something for your other half then reunite to exchange gifts.
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5
GO STA
There is a lot to be seen in the night sky and n need is an unobstructed view of the stars - a n There is heaps of information on the web abou loan a book from the library. Make sure you fi with something warm
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ARGAZIN
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G
not only is it beautiful but its totally free. All you night with no cloud cover and minimal moonlight. ut what to look out for or alternatively you could find a cosy spot away from the bright city lights m to snuggle up under.
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6
NIGHT S E M A G HAVE A
Drag out all those board games you used to play as a child and spend a night in playing your favourites. If you have left them behind since moving out, head down to your local opportunity shop to get them cheap. Notable goodies include; Scrabble, Monopoly and Pictionary. Not only can you bond over nostalgia, but the interaction with each other is good for your relationship and builds memories.
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BIRDS/FIS E H T D E E F PICNIC +
H
Buy some lunch essentials from the supermarket – bread buns and sandwich fillings, or buy some pasta, sauce and cook it beforehand. Find a nice location that is pretty and secluded, if you buy a loaf of white bread you can feed the ducks and have a picnic at your local park. Alternatively you could buy fish and chips at night and head to the sea where you can feed the sprats off the wharf.
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8
COMEDY GO TO A
SHOW
The Classic Comedy Club on Queen Street is one of Auckland’s longstanding institutions. On Mondays they have the Raw Comedy Night from 8pm to 10:30pm, an open mic show that is $5 for adults and 2 for 1 for students. It’s a great way to see local talent and some hilarious acts.
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CLASSIC D L O N A WATCH
Rent a movie that you both want to watch but never have. Check out the specials at your local video store – Video Ezy has some great deals, $10 for 5 weeklies or $1 for recent releases on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If you grab a few you could curl up for a movie marathon. Don’t forget snacks! Popcorn in a large bowl to share is essential.
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1
CATCH TH
Get up early on a clear morning (perhaps whe that has a good view of the sunrise. Watch tog nearby cafĂŠ after getting up so early. Listen to and enjoy being awake whilst ev
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en the weather is warmer!) and walk to somewhere gether as the sun comes up and grab a coffee at a o the birds chirping, take some photos of the view veryone else is still tucked up in bed.
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USU SENT TWO UNITEC STUDENTS ON A BLIND DATE IN TOWN! A
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He was sitting on an unmade bed Body bare My skin tightened around my bones at the sight Until my flesh shook Shook itself right off my bones Caught by the skin-bag Something like “Don’t worry, it’s just a metaphor” Kissing exactly the same as I remember Although His voice, I don’t recall – But then again I have never had ears Or what ears I did have First apprehensive Soon drank his speech They would have willingly drowned had I let them We kept holding on He said he’d be back. When he left I noticed that on the bed hiding in the sheets there was a cat and a rat. The rat crawled up the side of the bed and into my hair. I couldn’t get it out. I kept calm. “Stay calm,” said the cat, “it’ll be all right.” I was keeping calm because I knew that was the proper way to deal with the situation. The cat climbed onto my back to get at the rat the rat in my hair
ZOO
By Natalie Clark They hissed and fought over the back of my head. I put a hand up to reach them Pulled them off, they climbed back up again. I became progressively panicked. He came back Wearing jeans. He looked concerned and I liked the look of his face. He assessed the situation. He called the cat off sternly and my ears grew smaller at the sound I saw in his hands traces of liquids I couldn’t identify some strange green He wiped his hands across his jeans The cat skulked out Me, outside of myself and him inside of me I disliked the view outside and thought of the poor cat making friends with rain clouds But I guess that’s what you get for laying on your back I quite liked the view the view outside He put his hand in my hair so that his finger tips found my skull. I think he was forgetting the rat.
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FAQ AM I GAY??
Q#3:
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MATE By Bruce Lightfoot
RECENTLY, THE WEEKEND PAPERS WERE REPORTING ON A “MAN DROUGHT”, FOR PROFESSIONAL WOMAN LOOKING FOR A MATE. NOT FOR FUN YOU UNDERSTAND, A MATE FOR COURTSHIP, MARRIAGE, FAMILY AND A FUTURE. THEY HAD STANDARDS THEY EXPECTED THEIR POTENTIAL MATES TO MEET.
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“IF THERE IS NO PASS COMPATIBILITY IN THE YOUR RELATIONSHIP. THEN MARRY YOUR CO LIST FRIENDLY, “TICK ALL MATE. A COUPLE OF YE BE SHAGGING THE
A
check list: Height, presumably weight, education, financial status and personal grooming. I was not surprised they hadn’t found anyone yet. They sounded like Jewish mothers choosing a bride for their favourite son. Or Sunita’s aunties on Coronation Street. Arranged marriages are not in vogue, yet the point seemed to elude these women. Ticking off a list of desirable qualities in potential mates means you are likely to find some one compatible, but then so is your brother. Is that what you really want? My guess is this list would be
ripped up in a heartbeat if the heart met someone that caused it to skip a beat or two. Mike Tyson (famous boxer and ear biter) said ‘everyone has a plan, until they get hit.’ I suspect that affairs of the heart are the same. Your list might keep you warm at night while you are making it longer with the attributes that you desire. Then one day someone smiles at you. He is wearing a beanie, cheap shoes, driving an old banged up car, but he is soooo cute, and you go weak in the knees. The list goes out the window, you move in with him and sleep on a
IN UNISON REVIEW
SION, THEN ALL THE WORLD WON’T SAVE . DON’T BELIEVE ME? OMPATIBLE, SUITABLE, L THE BOXES PERFECT” EARS LATER, YOU WILL E POOL CLEANER”
mattress on the floor, and your friends don’t invite you out for lattes and pecan pie anymore. So it must be, because if there is no passion, then all the compatibility in the world won’t save your relationship. Don’t believe me? Then marry your compatible, suitable, list friendly, “tick all the boxes perfect” mate. A couple of years later, you will be shagging the pool cleaner, wondering where it all went wrong. (The pool cleaner is Italian, so no one is judging you). Sex is just as complicated, as it is easy. You cannot plan everything, and
shouldn’t want to. At some point, you have to just jump in the water, and let the current take you. Leave your lists for groceries and chores. You will have mail to post, dry-cleaning to collect, and committees to get out of serving on. You will be making lists for ever and a day. If you want a mate, then, stop looking. Anyone will tell you, the best time to find someone is when you are not looking. Yes I know it sounds cliché, but un-scientific research has confirmed it time and time again. Be yourself, be content, and be ready to be surprised. Life can do that to you.
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What is your
EMAIL Y
ALL SUBMIS
THE TOP THR From director
His fifth film, T questions th Texas town to
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most embarrassing sex story?
YOUR STORY TO INUNISON@UNITEC.AC.NZ
SSIONS WILL BE KEPT ANONYMOUS WHEN REPOSTING!
REE MOST HILARIOUS “SEX FAILS” WIN A DOUBLE PASS TO SEE THE “TREE OF LIFE”: Terrence Malick (BADLANDS, DAYS OF HEAVEN, THE THIN RED LINE, THE NEW WORLD) comes a thought provoking film experience.
THE TREE OF LIFE, is a hymn to life, excavating answers to the most haunting and personal human rough a kaleidoscope of the intimate and the cosmic, from the raw emotions of a family in a small the wildest, infinite edges of space and time, from a boy’s loss of innocence to a man’s transforming encounters with awe, wonder and transcendence.
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LOOKING ‘SEXY’ IS SOMETHING WE ALL WANT! THE POTENTIAL TO INCREASE YOUR SEXUAL DRIVE AND PERFORMANCE CAN IN FACT BE FOUND IN YOUR EVERYDAY EXERCISE AND FOOD INTAKE! BY EATING THE RIGHT FOODS AND ENSURING AN ACTIVE LIFESTYLE, YOU CAN SOON BE YOUR OWN APHRODISIAC!
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SO WHAT ARE SIMPLE APHRODISIACS YOU ASK? HERE YOU WILL F
CHOCOLATE
FISH/SEAFOOD
ALMONDS
BANANAS
GARLIC
CARROTS
E
ating simple protein foods such as cheese, eggs and meat can help you achieve your recommended intake of amino acids! If you have never heard of amino acids, they are what are commonly known as the building blocks in protein. The most essential Amino Acids can be found in the food you eat. By increasing your daily intake of these acids it helps to increase your hormone balance and improves fertility. If you want to ensure that you’re getting all the good amino acids, Bee pollen is a
“EATING BEE POLLEN ACTUALLY INCREASE Y SPERM COUNT BECAU THE MILLIONS OF “SEM LIKE PARTICLES” IT IS OF. BETTER YET, POLL MAIN ROLE IS TO FERT SO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?”
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FIND THE TOP TEN EASY FOODS TO GET YOU GOING!
WILL YOUR SE OF MEN S MADE LEN’S TILIZE!
VITAMIN E
AVOCADOS
STRAWBERRIES
STEAK
food that carries all the acids needed for your body! And for the guys out there… eating bee pollen will actually increase your sperm count because of the millions of “semen like particles” it is made of. Better yet, pollen’s main role is to fertilize! So, what are you waiting for? When it comes to working out and feeling sexy, its one thing to understand that no matter what your shape or size, you can be sexy. It all depends on how active you are. After a good workout session, whether it be at the gym, home, or on the dance floor, your body releases endorphins in the brain that can influence how you feel. This is because all the
chemicals in your brain react together and are linked with the hormones that power your sex drive. It has been proven that those who are more active, are more sex driven and more easily aroused than those who aren’t active. There’s no top ten list on Aphrodisiac workouts, because whether you enjoy the gym, running, or dancing, the more active you are, the healthier your sex life can be, it’s that simple! Make sure you add some high-quality aphrodisiacs into your daily diet, ensure you are active everyday and you will soon find yourself feeling sexier than ever!
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NEW ZEALAND
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THE USU MEDIA TEAM VISITED THE VIADUCT EVENTS CENTRE THIS P
TO GET IN ON SOME OF THE FASHION WEEK EXCITEMENT! ALONG W
HUNDREDS OF BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, AND DISPLAY OF AMAZING GAR
DOWNTOWN MAKEOVER TOTALLY BLEW US AWAY!! IF YOU DIDN’T
TO CHECK OUT NEW ZEALAND FASHION WEEK 2011 YOURSELF, THE
TO WORRY. GET A TASTE OF THE ACTION FROM IN UNISON’S FASHI TEASER VIDEO HERE!
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Runway Photos: Michael Ng
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PAST WEEK
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T GET A CHANCE
ERE’S NO NEED
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STOLEN GIRLFRIENDS CLUB 1953
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JIMMY D
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RUBY
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TOUCH USU
TOURNAMENT
FRIDAY 16TH SEPTEMBER 11AM -3PM
UNITEC RUGBY FIELDS FOR AN GET SOME FRIENDS TOGETHER SPORTS AWESOME DAY OF COMPETITIVE D STAFF. AN TS EN UD ST EC IT UN ER TH O AGAINST SDAY 14TH SEPTEMBER REGISTRATION CLOSES WEDNE REGISTRATION $45 IS PAYABLE AT THE TIME OF MORE DETAILS, A LIST OF THE RULES AND REGISTRATION FORMS ARE AVAILABLE FROM THE USU RECEPTION, BLDG 180 OR ONLINE FROM THE USU WEBSITE WWW.USU.CO.NZ OR EMAIL ususport@unitec.ac.nz
WWW.USU.CO.NZ usu Students’Association at Unitec
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DA MUSICAL NOTES WITH
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AZ By Jenaya Johnston
THIS ISSUE IS ALL ABOUT SEX, AND MUSICAL NOTES IS NO EXCEPTION! TODAY I’M CHATTING TO DAZ FROM FLAVA 95.8FM, ABOUT WHAT TURNS HIM ON, TURNS HIM OFF AND TURNS HIM WILD! DAZ IS A FIT 25 YEAR OLD MALE, OF MAORI/SAMOAN DESCENT AND PERSONALLY, I THINK HE RESEMBLES A YOUNGER LOOKING VERSION OF DWAYNE ‘THE ROCK’ JOHNSON! AFTER HALF AN HOUR OF AWKWARD LAUGHS AND SOME “OMG WTF” Q & A, I’D DUG DEEP ENOUGH INTO DAZ’S LIFE TO FIND OUT WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, HAIR DOWN THERE AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN, FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE…
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“YOU KNO RELATIONS DAY EVER DON’T FEEL
GIVE ME A FEW DO AND DON’T POINTERS FOR A FIRST DATE… Do not under any circumstances talk about your ex! Do however, have good manners in terms of table etiquette and being a gentleman, opening the door for her and stuff. Also, be yourself. There’s nothing worse than being fake on a first date then having to live up to that expectation for the rest of the relationship – you will eventually get tired and she will find out. WHAT’S THE BEST THING A GIRL OR GUY CAN DO IN THE BEDROOM? Be confident. Act like a pro; the old “fake it till you make it” stance – but to an extent. You don’t want your partner thinking that you’re a porn star… HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? Much to everyone’s surprise, I was 22. For some reason you look at me as though I was locked in a tower until then lol. She was a rebound. WHAT’S YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEX-RELATED MOMENT SINCE THEN? One night in Taranaki I picked up this girl from town and took her home with me.
Everything was sweet as until we pulled into my driveway. She said “Wait, you’re Samoan/Maori aye?” I was like… “Yeah why?” She then said “I hope we’re not related”. Everyone in Taranaki is related, but I hoped for the best and had sex with her anyway hahahaha… WHAT’S THE LONGEST TIME YOU’VE GONE “AT IT” IN THE BEDROOM? When my girlfriend and I first hooked up we’d have sex for a few hours at a time. You know when you get into a new relationship and you just have sex all day every day. But after a while you don’t feel the need to and they all turn into quickies. WHAT ARE YOUR VIEWS ON SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE? I don’t think it’s bad, but I don’t believe in sex before love. However, I am just a boy and I often disobey my own set of rules; sex before love being one of them lol. WHICH DO YOU PREFER IN A FEMALE; YOUTH AND VITALITY OR AGE AND EXPERIENCE? Haha definitely youth and vitality, I’m not a MILF hunter or out to be snatched up by a cougar.
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OW WHEN YOU GET INTO A NEW SHIP AND YOU JUST HAVE SEX ALL RY DAY. BUT AFTER A WHILE YOU THE NEED TO AND THEY ALL TURN INTO QUICKIES.”
WHERE IS THE CRAZIEST PLACE YOU’VE HAD SEX? Not too long ago my job sent me down to Rotorua on an all-expenses paid trip. My girlfriend and I f****d on every piece of furniture in the hotel at every chance we had! Those poor cleaners… WEIRDEST REQUEST YOU’VE RECEIVED IN THE BEDROOM? If she could tickle my ass! I was like, don’t you f***en go near the thing! LOL… WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST TURN ON? I’m a huge fan of the female body. But if she’s wearing a sexy g-string which I happen to see while I’m undressing her, ooweeee! WHAT’S YOU BIGGEST TURN OFF? Bum farts. They are the biggest mood killer ever! Fanny farts are awkward, but they happen and I can live with that. Bum farts though =wompwomp. SHAVEN, LANDING STRIP OR BUSH? I prefer my girl’s shaven. If she wants a little hair down there I don’t mind a racing stripe lol.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE POSITION? Lol I don’t know names. I like missionary and having one of her legs on my shoulder. SEX WITH THE EX – GO GO OR NO NO? Depends on the ex. EVER MADE A SEX TAPE? No. Not yet. I have taken photos though. I just think, the minute you make a sex tape it’s bound to cause trouble somehow, somewhere, someday. HAVE YOU EVER HIT ON SOMEONE FAMOUS WHO HAS CROSSED YOUR PATH THROUGH WORKING IN RADIO? Nah, I don’t get many interviews with celebrities on the night shift. But when I used to DJ in the clubs and shit, hell yeah!! HAVE YOU EVER USED YOUR STATUS TO SLEEP WITH A CHICK? Nah, I’m a good boy. I also hate it when people introduce me as Daz from Flava. I’d rather be introduced as Darryl and get to know the person first. That way I can eliminate the crazy stalker chicks haha. One love!
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Ishma the Wonder By: Eseniya L. “Im sorry officer, my grandmother is dying and I’m rushing to see her”. Nervous and shaky “Think again young man, you think I will believe you on this one”? I’ve heard better ones, Ha !” Officer laughs to himself and goes back to his car to get something”. Issues him a fine, “I can’t believe you’re actually doing this, I’m not lying, she’s there at the hospital now”! Larry is frantic. The officer impassively passes the fine and walks back. “A** hole” Larry mumbles. Hospital He makes his way to the reception and asks the receptionist for the details. “Nope, she’s not here” she answers “are you sure this is her name and they brought her here?” “Yeah, I’m almost definite; I mean this is the only hospital around here for miles” Larry answers confused. “What time did they bring her in here?” She asks. “I don’t know, they must have just brought her in cause I was in a rush to come over she must definitely be here”. “I’m sorry I can’t help you Sir” the overweight 30ish woman answers slumped back in her chair and eating a piece of gum. Larry couldn’t help imagine how such people are hired
in organizations such as these. She must have at least gone through an interview? Anyways it’s not the point here, he reaches into his pocket for his phone and sees a message – I’m sorry darling, grandmother has just passed away, I ‘am coming home now- Larry’s shocked. Shock How could it have been so quick? Seriously it must have only been half an hour! Larry looks at the time, at least 2 hours have actually gone by. He rubs his face. Shakes his head in disbelief. “Mum what happened, where is grandma?” Larry bursts through the door of the house into the hallway. The woman is nowhere to be seen. Larry find her sitting on the other side of the house on a bench overlooking the private rose gardens. Grabs her hands. She is crying. Body shaking from sorrow. He hugs her. “Mum,….mum, it’s ok” although he himself could not take the emotions rising up quickly within him. So they spent the evening together. Larry didn’t ask, although his mother told him grandmother is at the hospital he has come from and she will be taken care of. The funeral is arranged and will be payed for as part of grandmothers will.
The hearing of the Will quickly followed with Lorraine inheriting almost half of the wealth consisting of 250k and the rest to the ‘grandmother’s boy’ Larry William Smith, of 300K dollars. Larry could not believe his ears nor the lawyer on that Monday morning, nor did he want any of this money, he wanted his grandmother to be alive and well and the fact that he didn’t even get to see her a last time was the worst of all. After the funeral, life continued as it was with Larry’s everyday work and seeing his mother now usually only once or twice a week. Bella continued to live in the hearts and on the tongues of those who knew her and also Larry and his mum, although talking about it hurt them more, those good memories the most. Ishma Ishma couldn’t leave Larry alone, it has been 8 weeks now since grandmother’s passing and she was acting strangely, which Larry didn’t like as he found this odd and could not understand it. He was also slightly irritable lately. Not eating and sleeping well, although this problem was getting better with the help of his relaxation techniques. Ishma would sit by the door and give long howls at night, especially at night time which didn’t let Larry sleep. At first he was inattentive to this but this was becoming too recurrent. Larry jumps on google. co.uk to find what could be wrong with the pooch and at 2 in the morning his head isn’t thinking quite straight. – Ask a pet psychic” ..”I must be mad” he says to himself quietly as he sees lists of websites following the search results. Larry turns off his laptop, falls back on the his bed and falls asleep in no time.
“ Oh, shit” Larry wakes up next morning to find he has forgotten to turn on his alarm, it is now 11 am, he’s late for work. –“What am I gonna tell the boss” he thinks. Larry mind goes back to last night and the pet psychic search results. He decides to take the day off. Michelle Grant was a big woman with curly red hair and an interesting sense of style. Wearing a grey overcoat and skirt her figure looked the more bulbous although she was lovely. And as she knocked on his door, she couldn’t help thinking how much pleasure her job brought her. Opening the door, the first thing catching his eye was the colourful scarf around her neck – yellow and blues of it as well as the shoulder length red hair. “Hello, welcome” he greeted her. “Thank you” She came in. It took an afternoon for a chat and she really did look like she knew what Ishma was thinking or wanting. But one of the most interesting things she pointed out was “your dog knows something you don’t and I think she wants to take me somewhere”- which Larry found amusing. They hopped into the car and Michelle said she will let him know where the dog wants to go. They arrive to a place approximately a mile away from Lorraine’s house. And now it was unstoppable, Ishma wanted to go there. “Do you know anybody that lives around here” Michelle asks Larry. “Yes” he replies “Me mother…but I cannot see the connection” “That is fine” Michelle reassures him “Whatever it is, it must be here”
FAQ
HOW MUCH MAS “TOO MUCH” MA
Q#4:
STURBATING IS ASTURBATION?
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REVIEW:
THE WAVE BOX By Nathan Calis
E WATCH TH
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ick of the stink surf and cold water that plague the New Zealand winter? Why not escape to Albany for a surf? The Wave Box—NZ’s first continuous indoor surfing facility—has finally opened and good swell is forecast every day.
The Wave Box wave works by shooting huge amounts of water over a contoured ramp. As it goes over the ramp it creates a wall of water that vaguely resembles a wave. To ride the wave, the customer uses either a bodyboard or wakeskate. This provides a bit of a let down in a sense that you don’t actually use a surfboard. By riding a wakeskate, the Wave Box experience falls somewhere between surfing and wakeboarding. While you can ride across the wave and do some sweet maneuvers, you have to stay largely on your back foot to avoid being spat off the wave. The Wave Box website suggests wearing a wetsuit during the winter months due to the water not being heated. In my experience, this was unnecessary, as the exercise involved left me hot and sweaty at the end of my session. However, I would advise against wearing bikinis unless you’re prepared to loose them. If you fall off as much as I did, you can expect to leave with a few scrapes and carpet burns from the rough netting that catches you. The good news is you’ll be having too much fun to notice. The prices seemed fair to me, paying $10 for a half hour of Wave Box action. And if you get bored of the surfing, there are other activities to do within the complex. There are several rock climbing walls, a surfing simulator, a free fall ride, and some pool tables all at your disposal. On the whole, the experience was an enjoyable one. Whilst the business is definitely still finding its feet, the staff were pleasant and more than happy to help me stand up.
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A COUPLE WHO
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IS STARRING IN THE SILO THEATRE’S “THE ONLY CHILD”, AN
F HENRIK IBSEN’S, “LITTLE EYOLF”. THE CLASSIC STORY FOLLOWS
O WERE ENVISAGED TO BE THE PICTURE PERFECT IMAGE OF
D HOME LIFE. YEARS LATER, THINGS HAVEN’T TURNED OUT AS
M PLAYS THE LEAD AS ALFRED, THE WITHDRAWN HUSBAND IN THE
AM’S APPEARANCE IN “THE ONLY CHILD”, HE IS ALSO INVOLVED IN
MENT OF BASEMENTFEST.2011 AT THE BASEMENT THEATRE.
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“FOR ME BEING "EMOTIONAL" IS ABOUT GETTING OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY. WHEN YOU REALLY LISTEN TO WHAT IS SAID ON STAGE AND ALLOW YOUR SELF TO BE AFFECTED BY IT YOU UNBURDEN YOURSELF FROM HAVING TO MANUFACTURE SOMETHING”
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YOU'RE INVOLVED IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF BASEMENTFEST.2011-SOUNDS LIKE AN EXCITING PROJECT! WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM BASEMENT THEATRE THROUGHOUT THIS TIME? Theatre, Art, Music Cabaret, DJ's, Live Bands, Cheap drinks and a killer atmosphere!! WHAT IS YOUR REACTION TO THE CLAIM THAT BASEMENTFEST IS THE "ANTITHESIS" OF RUGBY WORLD CUP? DO YOU FIND ANY VALIDITY TO THAT CLAIM? We love rugby! We're not an AntiRugby festival, we're not anti anything. We are pro-arts and and pro local. Basement Fest is an alternative to all the rugby malarky, it's a celebration of all the things that make Auckland a brilliant place to live THE PLAY YOU'RE STARRING IN, "THE ONLY CHILD" DEALS WITH THE HONESTY OF REAL RELATIONSHIPS WITHIN A FAMILY DYNAMIC. WHAT MESSAGES ARE PORTRAYED THROUGH SUCH A SINCERE PLOTLINE? I think that tragedy can have a redemptive quality and that crisis strips away artifice and bullshit. The rawness of the situation forces the characters to be honest and it's that window of honesty that we witness
WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER LIKE? DO YOU FIND ANY PERSONAL SIMILARITIES TO HIM? He is highly intelligent and capable professionally and painfully awkward socially. I would say that he represents a heightened version of me, mostly the part of me that is constantly putting his foot in it. HOW DID YOU CHANNEL THE EMOTIONS THAT WENT INTO YOUR CHARACTER? For me being "emotional" is about getting out of your own way. When you really listen to what is said on stage and allow yourself to be affected by it you unburden yourself from having to manufacture something IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME WITH AN ACTING ROLE THAT REQUIRES FULL FRONTAL NUDITY? HOW ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS EXPERIENCE? Yep. Strangely liberating, I don't really have time to worry about it because there is so much going on. I'm just focussing on telling the story WHAT DO YOU THINK "THE ONLY CHILD" SEEKS TO SAY ABOUT THE MODERN DAY RELATIONSHIP? Little Eyolf contained all of the resentment and bitterness that the characters feel in The Only Child. I think the fact that it is based on a classic text shows that although the language may have changed men and women have not.
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FOR THE LOVE OF BALLS
By Nathan Calis
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AND IS GOING EVEN MORE AL ZE W NE N HE W AR YE A IN THERE APPEARS TO BE VERY RUGBY-MAD THAN USUAL, NATIONAL PROVINCIAL R OU G IN ND OU RR SU ST RE LITTLE INTE E FACT THAT AUCKLAND TH ITE SP DE P. CU ITM E TH LEAGUE PER SS SUPPORT THAN THEIR SU LE T GE TO S ND TE Y AD RE AL UES, THERE SEEMS TO BE A RUGBY EQUIVALENTS THE BL FOR THE BOYS IN BLUE SM IA US TH EN OF CK LA AR PARTICUL AND WHITE. BUT WHY?
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fter the row that has been circulating the NZRU in the past two seasons regarding the demotion of teams out of the main championship, the Rugby Union appear to have settled on a competition that should keep most punters happy. The setup involves two divisions; namely, the premiership and the championship. The teams in the lower division—the championship—are competing to top their table, which will see them automatically promoted to the premiership at the expense of the lowest premiership team. Meanwhile, the premiership teams battle it out for the cup. I’ll lay my cards on the table and say they’re on to a winner with this structure. The NZRU has evidently taken a page out of football’s English Premier
League book by adding the extra interest of relegation and promotion. What this means is that even if a premiership team is out of contention to win the cup, their remaining games still provide interest as they fight to stay clear of relegation. It’s not as if the championship division is going to fade into obscurity either. Whilst each team play the other teams in their division, they also play four teams from the other division, maintaining the two divisions remain bound. Evidently, the lack of provincial rugby enthusiasm is not due to the competition structure. Perhaps it is more a result of rugby overload. There was very little time between Super Rugby and ITM Cup. Furthermore, the competition has been condensed to play
ACK OF PROVINCIAL RUGBY ENTHUSIASM COMPETITION STRUCTURE. PERHAPS IT OF RUGBY OVERLOAD. THERE WAS VERY EN SUPER RUGBY AND ITM CUP.”
13 rounds in only eight weeks, meaning there’s rugby on TV most nights. Throw in a handful of international matches and you can see that there’s been a highly saturated rugby season spanning all the way back to February. As usual, the ITM Cup lacks the best players in the country, with most away on international duties. No doubt there would be more interest in Auckland if Isaia Toeava, Ali Williams, and Kevin Mealamu were lining up. However, this is nothing new for provincial rugby in New Zealand. Typically the All Blacks would only filter back into the ITM Cup in the final rounds at the completion of the Tri-Nations. Clearly Auckland rugby needs to find a way to lure the fans back without rugby’s big names.
Auckland’s early season form certainly wouldn’t have helped the cause either. They lost three of their opening four games, including a loss to Champion division team Otago at Eden Park. However, with a couple of rounds remaining, Auckland sits half way up the Premiership table. A good run home with wins against Bay of Plenty and Waikato could see them make the finals. But even if they do, will anyone be at the ground watching them?
FAQ
WHAT’S THE BE POSITION TO OR
Q#5:
EST SEX RGASM?
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WHAT SEP09 RUGBY WORLD CUP OPENING CEREMONY:
SEP03 OFFICIAL AUCKLAND ART GALLERY OPENING Head to Lorne street in Central Auckland for the much anticipated opening of the Auckland Art Gallery. The Gallery space opens on September 3, and there are many exciting exhibitions on for the first month! Check out the schedule here:
On September 9, downtown Auckland will be the place to be! Even if you’re not within the quarters of Eden Park experiencing the Rugby first hand, there’s a massive amount of excitement among the city, including New Zealand’s biggest ever light and fireworks show starting at 8 PM, followed by a FREE concert down by the Viaduct at 10 PM!!
http://www.viewauckland. co.nz/whatson/rugby-worldhttp://www.aucklandartgallery. cup-2011-opening-ceremonycom/whats-on feature-roundup-4937.html
SEP07 UNITEC CAREERS WORKSHOP 12-1 PM The Careers Centre at Unitec has put together a series of workshops to help students develop their skills in finding a suitable career. Workshops range from preparing CVs to learning how to network within your industry. To book a place in one of the workshops email career@ unitec.ac.nz or call 815 2948 http://usu.co.nz/whats-on/ lectures-seminars/careersworkshop
SOUNDS IN THE SUN 2012 LINE UP ANNOUNCEME
IN UNISON GIG GUIDE
TS ON SEP07 OCT08 CHOREOFEST 2011 Join us as we bid farewell to Winter and herald in Spring with a triptych of unique and innovative student works from New Zealand's leading contemporary dance and choreography programme. These exciting works offer a fresh and varied perspective on art, life and performance through the eyes of Unitec's first, second and third year contemporary dance students: a diverse group of creative young men and women who represent today's multi-cultural landscape. http://usu.co.nz/whats-on/ family-friendly/te-mahuruspring-choreofest-2011contemporary-dance-season
SEP24 GET IT ON GLOW PARTY
SEP16 USU TOUCH TOURNAMENT 11 AM-3 PM Get some friends together for an awesome day of competitive sports against other Unitec students and staff. Registration closes Wednesday 14th September. $45 is payable at the time of registration. http://usu.co.nz/whats-on/ clubs-and-sports/usu-touchtournament
ENT COMING SOON!!
From 10 PM, at Rising Sun on K Rd. Get it On, the NZ based campaign for HIV and safe sex awareness are hosting a crazy dance party for the GLBT community on K Rd! The Glow party will rave all night long at The Rising Sun on K Rd. Tickets are $15 and can be booked at www. iticketexpress.co.nz
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WEAVER AND SIGOURNEY AABELLO ISAACS MARI NA JASON AND SIGOURNEY MOLI BELLOWOLFGANG NS ALFRED HAMMERWEAVER EXECUTIVE ISAACS ON” LILYYCOLLI ““AABDUCTI SHEARMUR MOLINA JASON ON MARI ALFRED KATAGAS PRODUCERS TAYLOREXECUTILAUTNER COLLINSANTHONY EXECUTIVE ALLIS WOLFGANG HAMMER BY JOHN SISINNGLETON VE LAUTNER GABRION” ELILLMASON BELLBDUCTI GLETON ATION WITH MANGO FARMSDIRECTORAAFIFILLOFMM BY JOHNMENZI ANTHONY KATAGAS PRODUCERS ALLISON SHEARMUR .S. PRODUCERS EXECUTIVE JEREMY BELL PRODUCTIOONN IINNASSOCI ES JR., A.A.CCTAYLOR DIRECTEDGABRIESIL NMASON ONATION WITH MANGO FARMSPHOTOGRAPHY PRODUCTION A LIONSGATE ASSOCI DIRECTOR OF PETER MENZIESWRIJR .S. PRODUCERS BY JOHN GLETON PRODUCTI, A.C.E. PRODUCTI NSGATECANNON DESIGNERON KEITH BRIAN BURNS PHOTOGRAPHY CHRICHRISJEREMY PETER WRITTTENTENBY.,SHAWN / QUICK SIX ENTERTAINNGMENT PRODUCTI MENT PRODUCTION EDIA TLIEDBYOBRUCE TENSEN DIRECTEDBY JOHN SINGLETON / VERTIGO ENTERTAINNMENT STENSEN C.E. DESIGNER KEIROYTHLEEBRIDANAN BURNS PRODUCEDBY PAT CROWLEY BY SHAWNhownz LAUTNER PRODUCED DESI NER RUTH CARTER EDITEDBY BRUCE CANNON MENTMUSIC/ QUICK SIX ENTERTAICOSTUME PRESENTS A GOTHAM GROUP com/roads BY PAT CROWLEY MUSIC/ VERTIGO ENTERTAI MUSISORC TRACY MCKNIGHTHT COSTUME LILIOONSGATE N PRODUCEDBY LEELEE, A.STOLLMAN DESIGNER RUTHELLEN TTH-VEI LEE DAN LAUTNERfacebook. CKNIG DAVI CASTING PRESENTSMIADGOTHAM S.A. MUSIBYC EDWARD SHEARMUR SUPERVI NSGATE STOLLMAN ROY.co.nz OM.AU SON CARTERGOLDSMIWWW.ABDUC SUPERVISOR TRACY MPRODUCED DLETON, C.GROUP TIONMOVIE.C H-VEIN PRODUCEDBYctionmovie PRODUCEDBY DOUG DAVISON ELLEN GOLDSMIwww.abdu CASTINBYG JOSEPH MIDDLETON, C.S.A. BY EDWARD SHEARMUR OM.AU BY DOUG BY JOSEPH SOONN29 WWW.ABDUCTIONMOVIE.C INGber tem © 2011 LIONS
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THE TOP 5 FAVOURITE SUBMISSIONS FOR THIS WEEKS CAPTION CONTEST WILL RECEIVE A DOUBLE PASS TO ABDUCTION AT EVENT CINEMAS. SYNOPSIS Taylor Lautner stars as a young man unwittingly thrust into a deadly world of covert espionage in Lionsgate’s action-thriller, ABDUCTION, directed by John Singleton.
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For as long as he can remember, Nathan Harper (Taylor Lautner) has had the uneasy feeling that he’s living someone else’s life. When he stumbles upon an image of himself as a little boy on a missing persons website, all of Nathan’s darkest fears come true: he realizes his parents are not his own and his life is a lie, carefully fabricated to hide something more mysterious and dangerous than he could have ever imagined.
LAST WEEKS WINNERS “SHOOTING YOURSELF WOULD BE JUST AS EFFECTIVE” -ANONYMOUS “UNDERCOVER AGENTS DISPOSE OF ILLEGAL KRONIC STASH”ANONYMOUS "NOT REALLY A HEAVY SMOKER ANYMORE... I JUST LIGHT ONE FIRE A DAY."-ANCELLA BRAGANZA
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FOOTBALL WORLD CUP
FridAy 30Th sepTemBer fROm 10.00am 7 A side sOccer TOUrnAmenT Open TO ALL UniTec sTUdenTs And sTAFF.
UniTec spOrTs FieLds
geT sOme Friends TOgeTher And chOOse A cOUnTry nAme TO Be pArT OF A WOnderFUL dAy cOmpeTing AgAinsT OTher nATiOns, sTUdenTs And sTAFF. regisTrATiOn cLOses WednesdAy 28Th sepTemBer $45 is pAyABLe AT The Time OF regisTrATiOn mOre deTAiLs, A LisT OF The rULes, And regisTrATiOn FOrms Are AvAiLABLe FrOm The UsU recepTiOn, BLdg 180. Or OnLine FrOm The UsU WeBsiTe: WWW.UsU.cO.nz Or emAiL: UsUspOrT@UniTec.Ac.nz.
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