Time for a holiday

reflects on the day-to-day experience of living with dementia

Hiya, we have just come back from a week away and it was so very welcomed as well. We only went to Sidmouth but as previously mentioned a few weeks ago so much planning has to go into it because of my dementia.

Why Sidmouth? Well, apart from being a beautiful place and so easy to get to other places like Exmouth, Budleigh Salterton, Lyme Regis and even Dorchester (I know that’s Dorset), East Devon is my second favourite place on earth to visit after Torbay and South Devon.

We stayed in a bungalow and what a place it was. My wife Elaine had spent so much time researching it, looking at what was on offer, the price of course, and also how easy it was to get to and from, and being not too far from home. If you can imagine walking into someone’s home where they had just taken their clothes out the wardrobe and left everything else, it was just like that. It really did have everything – and such a relaxing time was had.

The nights were no different sadly, but that’s the disease, and waking up in a strange place each morning took some getting used to. Mind you, on saying that, sometimes I have no idea where I am when I wake up some mornings anyway! The horrid thing about this disease is about halfway through the week I had to sit Elaine down and tell her I had no memory of the last few days of our holiday and couldn’t remember where we had been or what we had done. It was so very upsetting as I thought ‘What’s the point if I can’t remember all these new memories and precious times we are sharing?’ And that’s when Elaine said the most beautiful thing to me; she simply said: “You don’t have to, I will and will always remind you of where we have been and what we have done in the past.” In fact, I have to admit she is a big part of this column as it’s her who reminds me where we have been and what we have been doing before I write it. But the poems I write just appear in my head and I really have no idea where they come from, but I’m so happy they do as it helps me so much explain how I feel.

Going on holiday always reminds me of when I was on what they call the conference speakers’ circuit and spoke all over the UK at various places, sadly not something I can do anymore. One of the questions I was always asked was: “Please can you tell us about your journey with dementia?” and my answer was always the same, I said: “Journey? – I am on no journey with dementia, this is not the X Factor; I don’t pack my suitcases and invite it to come with me to Brighton for the weekend! I have to live with this day to day with the never-ending worry of what’s going to happen next, and knowing no matter how bad that may be, there’s every chance it may happen time and time again.” Eventually they stopped asking me that question, no idea why.

So, with a little planning, research, knowing your limits and the person with dementia’s limits, you see you can still go on your jolly hols and have the best time ever. Always remember a diagnosis of dementia doesn’t mean it’s the end.

Till next time…