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Do I look stressed?
ARE YOU FLIPPING OUT?
11 Stress Busters
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Ask Doreen Does your child
ng survivi * * * * ** ** *g ** &* *thrivin
mouth? What to do! have By Doreen Campbell, M.S., CFLE
NUTRITION 29 my child, re-
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ADHD & Dyslexia Start your child on a road to learning and evolving in today’s world. Jane Snyder, Ph.D, The Summit School, MD.
RELATIONSHIPS 25 Are you Ready to Date Again?
it is hard to true love but you have to start somewhere. R and sexuality expert Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D tells how.
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When was i i forayou parent is in a bad mood and has no granola, fun treatsWhen just and your kids! You Are Not Alone Does Cut out and start saving forhelp greatwith ideas the later!children, this is a member having a with a one to come naturally? Learn the By Stacey Jackowski 4 C’s on how it canfriend work forwho you. is a mom of two about what to exercise survival skills. Many parents parenthood might be like. “There will be wonder what to do when they are in bad By PEP Encouragement Program – Silver Spring, MD) when you want to (or don’t want to moods. f you have i spoken unduly sharply What can you do when your children just get up with her at night) twitch your nose or acted or reacted in anger, be honest with aren’t the right foods? and turn the baby into a pumpkin,” he told yourself and with your children. pologize a By Denise L. Devine me. Seeing the shock on my face, he smiled if you feel like you really need to. This sets slyly and “it’s not K to dooit, of a good model. Your children will see that course, but to want to it is perfectly nor- even parents get upset and do things they mal.” am thankful toi him over and over. wish they hadn’t, but recover from them And over. It helps me remember that all and come back to make things Just Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D or anoth- like everyone else, your children will have mothers feel this way at one er, that having those feelings doesn’t make to learn how to handle bad moods and reme a bad mother, and that when feel thati grets about their own behavior. By being iParentSingle.com Fallokay 2017to lower my way,| it’s for honest, you are showing them that feelings can geti through to the can be managed and that if they make a a brief
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Tonight felt magical, you were aroused and very attracted to your dinner date all night. it’s been so long since you’ve had sex but you know you can’t bring this man in to sleep with you. he kisses you at the door and quietly whispers if he can come in. You’re tempted by your passion and attraction and you say, “Yes, but we have to be quiet”. You’re into the passion, it’s so exciting and you are trying to be quiet and then… one of your kids opens your bedroom door and say, “Mom, i’m thirsty. “
A Single Mom’s Best friend
Jane Eirhart
42
Believe in yourself, your children and a good life...®
how it works It’s 2017 and the only thing a single parent doesn’t have is plenty of extra TIME!
I’m just going to concentrate on Me, right now.
Mom, who is that?!!
Yoga
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question g i B What’s the best way to help a single mother?
Stressed out, locked in your head, too busy to exercise? Want to re-invent yourself? a yoga studio is exactly where you need to be. for single moms, whose time is especially limited, a hatha yoga class or any yoga that uses breath to create “heat” in the body can not only relieve stress--it can change your blood chemistry to promote significant physiological and neurological healing.
iMom
iMom
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= Step-parent
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answer
outcome
educate the father of her children and help the kids too!
Co-Parenting that grows happy and healthy kids!
We should CO-PARENT for the kids. Just flip the magazine over to iDad. The iDad part is just for you and the kids.
I agree. I think we should CO-PARENT for the sake of the kids. I’m tired of all the fighting and the kids are really struggling with the divorce. 4
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ASSISTANT PUblISheR/ eDIToR-IN-ChIef rogers Kate eisenbeiser ASSISTANT EDITOR EDITOR Sherree Kate l. eisenbeiser sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com PUblISheR/ eDIToR-IN-ChIef rogers sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com ASSISTANT EDITOR Sherree Kate l. eisenbeiser sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com Alan Sciulli, Frank Bert´e PRODuCTION Sciulli PRODuCTION Alan Sciulli ASSISTANT EDITOR Kate eisenbeiser ASSISTANT EDITOR KateAlan eisenbeiser PRODuCTION Sciulli ASSISTANT EDITOR Kate eisenbeiser CONTRIBuTORS DHr Child Support enforcement administration, CONTRIBuTORS AlanDHr Child Support enforcement administration, PRODuCTION Sciulli PRODuCTION Sciulli DHr Child Support enforcement administration, CONTRIBuTORS AlanMaryland PRODuCTION AlanMaryland Sciulli nancy Weller, Weller, esquire esquire Maryland CONTRIBuTORS DHr Child Support enforcement administration, nancy CONTRIBuTORS DHr Child Support enforcement administration, laurent Amzallag nancy esquire Maryland laurentWeller, Amzallag CONTRIBuTORS DHr Child Support enforcement administration, Maryland Dr. fran Cogan, CnMC laurent nancy esquire Dr. Weller, fran Amzallag Cogan, CnMC Maryland nancy esquire Jacalyn Murray Dr. Weller, fran Cogan, CnMC laurent Amzallag Jacalyn Murray nancy Weller, esquire laurent Amzallag Candace place, M.S., Cfle Cfle Jacalyn Murray Dr. fran Cogan, CnMC Candace place, M.S., laurent Amzallag Dr. fran Cogan, CnMC Cheryl rubenstein, ph.D Candace place, M.S., Cfle Jacalyn Murray Cheryl rubenstein, ph.D Dr. fran Cogan, CnMC Jacalyn Murray Doreen Campbell, M.S., Cheryl rubenstein, ph.D Cfle Candace place, M.S., Cfle Doreen Campbell, M.S., Cfle Jacalyn Murray Candace place, M.S., Cfle victoria Duncan Doreen Campbell, M.S., Cfle Cheryl rubenstein, ph.D victoria Duncan Candace place, M.S., Cfle Cheryl rubenstein, ph.D Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D Doreen Campbell, M.S., victoria Duncan Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D Cheryl rubenstein, ph.D Cfle Doreen Campbell, M.S., Cfle victoria Duncan M.S., Cfle Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D Doreen victoria Campbell, Duncan Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D SHOCK TRAuMA BALTIMORE, MD B everly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP victoria Duncan SHOCK TRAuMA BALTIMORE, MD Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D Beverly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP RELATIONS OFFICE Cynthia rivers SHOCK PuBLIC TRAuMA BALTIMORE, MD Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D Beverly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP PuBLIC RELATIONS OFFICE Cynthia rivers SHOCK TRAuMA BALTIMORE, MD Beverly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP PuBLIC BALTIMORE, RELATIONS OFFICE Cynthia rivers SHOCK TRAuMA MD Beverly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP PuBLIC RELATIONS OFFICE Cynthia rivers Denise l. 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that’s our tagline and You and your children are our mission. it all starts with believing in YourSelf and believing in a happy life you can have with your children after the separation or divorce from their father. So much is happening in your life as a single mom, so many moving parts, it
We know you have different needs than a family with two parents under the same roof. i understand how hard it can be. i was a single mom 16 years and i have a 27 year old son now, Christopher. He is so happy and doing so well and i am incredibly proud of his progress as a young man. So, now you
There is really no sweet or gentle way to put it. it doesn’t end there though because you have a choice. As you get really good at Co-ParenTing and developing a working relationship with your “ex”, you will learn how to be more confident and raise happier kids. Working together we will help to create a loving, educated and warm home for you and your children that you will love. Less drama, more fun living! Smile as much as you can, love as hard as you are capable. That creates greaT KiDS!! – leo tolStoY tonight ask your kids, mom too, to put their know, i understand where you are coming can be overwhelming. We ring in 2017 with phones in their rooms and have dinner face the sounds of mobile phones everywhere. from because i have lived it and struggled to face. experience each other. ConneCT. technology is both good and challenging with all or many of the same challenges Be present. that you are experiencing day to day. when raising kids on your own. the magazine you have in your hand today i’ve done my homework, over many years, Inspired by you, is designed eSPeCiaLLY for you, your fam- and i’ve interviewed and shed tears with ily and your children. We have brought in hundreds of single parents. From this, i top experts in their fields, from around the learned the best way to approach you and world, to provide the best resources for to keep our content relevant and useful to Sherree l. rogers parenting, health and wellness, fitness, nu- your life. eDiTor-in-CHieF, founder trition, dating and so much more, to help our flip concept is designed to help teach you become a successful single parent. you how to Co-ParenT. Without working There is such a thing, so don’t lose faith. with the other parent, your children will Follow us on Twitter @iParentSingleMagazine suffer great emotional stress and damage. Like us on Facebook:
All happy families resemble one another, “ each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. ”
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the thecourage couragetotobe beimperfect imperfect By Candace By Candace place, place, M.S., M.S., CfleCfle
What What is it? is it? Stressors come from several Stressors come from several sources: They can be environmental, social, sources: They can be environmental, social, physiological physiological andand internal internal (your (your thoughts). thoughts).
Can Can it be it be managed? managed? How can How can youyou manage manage your your stress? stress? have have youyou ever ever thought thought about about having having thethe courage courage to allow yourself to be iMPerFeCT? to allow yourself to be iMPerFeCT?
Ideas Ideas you you can can trytry today today toto beat beat winter winter stressors, stressors, and and give give you you thethe courage courage toto bebe imperfect: imperfect: 1. Smile…just do it…right now. 1. Smile…just do it…right now. 2. Square breathing: imagine a square. Breath in slowly. 2. Square breathing: imagine a square. Breath in slowly. exhale slowly. Breath in slowly. exhale. exhale slowly. Breath in slowly. exhale. 3. Play: everyday a little play. go buy a new wiffle ball 3. Play: everyday a little play. go buy a new wiffle ball and and bat. bat. 4. Be in the moment: Drink in your surroundings. 4. Be in the moment: Drink in your surroundings. holdhold a puppy, a puppy, smell smell its’ breath. its’ breath. hughug youryour child, child, looklook at at his/her fingers. his/her fingers. 5. Space clearing: Look around your space, and take 5. Space clearing: Look around your space, and take 5 minutes 5 minutes to clear. to clear. 6. Take a walk. go to a park. 6. Take a walk. go to a park. 7. Laugh…really laugh. Do it alone, do it with a friend, 7. Laugh…really laugh. Do it alone, do it with a friend, laugh with your child. Laugh. laugh with your child. Laugh. 8. Connect—roll on the floor, jump rope, hug on the couch, 8. Connect—roll on the floor, jump rope, hug on the couch, hold hands. Connect with those that love you. hold hands. Connect with those that love you. 9. Make a list: accomplish one item. Cross it off. 9. Make a list: accomplish one item. Cross it off. 10. Forgive and forget. 10. Forgive and forget. other ideas: Watch T.V. Play video games. go to a movie. other ideas: Watch T.V. Play video games. go to a movie. read a book. Talk to friends. Play on the computer. Start a read a book. Talk to friends. Play on the computer. Start a project or hobby. Listen to music and dance. ride a horse. project or hobby. Listen to music and dance. ride a horse. Drink from the ‘good cup’. Drink from the ‘good cup’.
“The concept of the courage to be imperfect was first discussed in print by Dr. rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972) “The concept of the courage to be imperfect was first discussed in print by Dr. rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972) an internationally known psychiatrist. He wrote several books on parenting, including The Challenge and a an internationally known psychiatrist. He wrote several books on parenting, including The Challenge and a Parent’s guide to Child Discipline. (http://web.csuchico.edu/-ah24/dreikurs.htm) More recently, the authors Parent’s guide to Child Discipline. (http://web.csuchico.edu/-ah24/dreikurs.htm) More recently, the authors of STeP: Systematic Training for effective Parenting, suggest that “with the courage to be imperfect, an of STeP: Systematic Training for effective Parenting, suggest that “with the courage to be imperfect, an individual can focus on the present time, rather than worry about the past.” (Dinkmeyer, D., McKay, g., 1989, individual can focus on the present time, rather than worry about the past.” (Dinkmeyer, D., McKay, g., 1989, AgS) AgS)
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Maryland Maryland Maryland Maryland Partners Partners Partners With Partners With With Bank Bank With Bank ofof America Bank America of America of America
ToTo Provide To Provide Provide To Electronic Electronic Provide Electronic Electronic Child Child Child Support Support Support Child Payments Payments Support Payments Payments
Maryland’s Child Support Enforcement Administration Enhances Payment Services To Families
in mid-January 2013, the Maryland Child Support enforcement administration (CSea) improved child support payment delivery by offering two forms of electronic payment. Custodial parents may opt to have child support payments deposited directly into their bank/credit union accounts, or they may have the payment loaded onto the electronic Payment issuance Card (ePiC). Both options provide timely and accurate payments that are fast, easy and secure.
This move will eliminate the many inconveniences associated with receiving and cashing paper checks – including the large fees that many check cashing entities charge for providing their service. Direct Deposit offers the convenience of having monies placed directly into an existing account, and ePiC can be used to make purchases everywhere the Visa® debit card is accepted. ePiC can also be used to retrieve cash from aTMs, bank tellers and credit unions that accept Visa®, and get cash back with purchases at many grocery and convenience stores.
EPiC EPiC EPiC Coming Coming EPiC Coming January Coming January January 2013 January 2013 2013 2013 Announcing Announcing Announcing the the new Announcing new the Electronic Electronic new Electronic the Payment new Payment Electronic Payment Issuance Issuance Issuance Payment Issuance Card Card (EPiC) Card (EPiC) for (EPiC) for the Card the Maryland for(EPiC) Maryland the Maryland Department forDepartment the Maryland Department of Human ofDepartment Human of Humanof Human Resources’ Resources’ Resources’ Child Child Support Resources’ Child Support Support Enforcement Child Enforcement Enforcement Support Administration Administration Enforcement Administration Administration recipients, recipients, recipients, beginning beginning recipients, beginning midmidJanuary beginning midJanuary January 2013. 2013. mid-2013. January 2013. In every In every In issue, every issue, you issue, In you will every will you findfind issue, will important important find youimportant will updates find updates important updates updates regarding regarding regarding child child support regarding child support support for for the child the State for support State the of Maryland. State of for Maryland. ofthe Maryland. State of Maryland. Experts Experts from Experts from DHR from DHR Experts Child DHR Child Support from Child Support DHR Support willChild will guide guide will Support you guide you will youguide you andand educate educate and you educate you on and any on you educate any new onnew any updates you updates new onupdates orany processes ornew processes orupdates processes or processes thatthat youyou that need need you to know need to that know to you as know aas need single a single astoparent. aknow single parent. asparent. a single parent.
The Maryland CSea is aggressively developing innovative approaches to improve the services provided to families and to elevate child support’s delivery system to be on par with current banking tools and conveniences.
For additional information about this new service, please call 1-866-213-4074
Editor-In-Chief, Editor-In-Chief, Editor-In-Chief, Sherree Editor-In-Chief, Sherree Rogers Sherree Rogers Rogers Sherree Rogers
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Maryland Department of Human Resources Maryland’s Human Services Agency Maryland Department ofofHuman Maryland Department HumanResources Resources Maryland’s Maryland’sHuman HumanServices ServicesAgency Agency
The Maryland The The Maryland Maryland Electronic Payment Electronic Electronic Payment Payment Issuance Card... Issuance Issuance Card... Card... Providing fast, Providing Providing fast, fast, easy and secure easy easy and and secure secure child support child child support support payments payments payments A smart choice AAsmart smartchoice choice • Avoid the expense of cashing checks.
EPiiC
Electronic Payment Issuance Card Electronic Electronic Payment Payment Issuance Issuance Card Card
EP EP EPiiC iC C Electric Payment Issuance Card
• • Avoid Avoidthe theexpense expenseofofcashing cashingchecks. checks. • Use everywhere Visa® debit cards are accepted ®® • •inUse everywhere debit cards stores, online andVisa on the phone. Use everywhere Visa debit cardsare areaccepted accepted-ininstores, stores,online onlineand andon onthe thephone. phone. • Quickly access cash at ATM's and from tellers at any bank • •orQuickly access atatATM's credit union thatcash accepts Visa.*and Quickly access cash ATM's andfrom fromtellers tellersat atany anybank bank ororcredit creditunion unionthat thataccepts acceptsVisa.* Visa.* • Get cash back with purchases at many grocery and • •convenience Get with stores. Getcash cashback back withpurchases purchasesatatmany manygrocery groceryand and convenience conveniencestores. stores. • Feel more secure - no need to carry large amounts • •ofFeel more cash. Feel moresecure secure- -no noneed needtotocarry carrylarge largeamounts amounts ofofcash. cash. The EPiC prepaid debit card is a fast and convenient way to The debit isisaafast and convenient way receive yourprepaid child support payments. You are automatically TheEPiC EPiC prepaid debitcard card fast and convenient wayto to receive your child support payments. You are automatically approved for this card – no credit check or bank account is receive your child support payments. You are automatically approved required. approvedfor forthis thiscard card––no nocredit creditcheck checkor orbank bankaccount accountisis required. required.
Everyday purchasing power Everyday purchasing power Everyday purchasing power Use your card everywhere Visa debit cards are accepted:
Visa Useyour yourcard cardeverywhere everywhere Visadebit debitcards cardsare areaccepted: accepted: • Use Grocery stores • Restaurants stores • •Gas stations • •Medical offices •Grocery Grocery stores •Restaurants Restaurants offices • •Retail stores • •Online stores •Gas Gasstations stations •Medical Medical offices stores stores • •Mail order • •Phone orders •Retail Retail stores •Online Online stores • •Mail ••Phone Mailorder order Phoneorders orders Pay bills with your card: card: Paybills billswith withyour your card: • Pay Utilities • Internet •Utilities Utilities •Internet Internet • •Phone • •Insurance • •Phone • •Insurance Phone Insurance
Electric Payment Issuance Card Electric Payment Issuance Card
Schedule of Bank Fees Schedule Schedule of Bank Fees SERVICES WITH NO FEES SERVICES SERVICES WITH WITH NO NO FEES FEES PURCHASE TRANSACTIONS PURCHASE TRANSACTIONS
PURCHASE TRANSACTIONS Purchase at Merchants (signed, using PIN including cash back, online, phone Purchase Purchase at at Merchants Merchants
or(signed, mail purchases) (signed, using using PIN PIN including including cash cash back, back, online, online, phone phone or or mail mail purchases) purchases)
ATM TRANSACTIONS* ATM ATM TRANSACTIONS* TRANSACTIONS*
Bank of America ATM Withdrawal (in the U.S.) Bank Bank of ofAmerica America ATM ATM Withdrawal Withdrawal (in (in the the U.S.) U.S.) ATM Balance Inquiries (all ATMs) ATM Inquiries (all ATM Balance Balance Inquiries (all ATMs) ATMs) Declined Transactions (ATMs only) Declined Transactions (ATMs Declined Transactions (ATMs only) only)
OTHER SERVICES OTHER SERVICES OTHER SERVICES Online, Automated, Live or International
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SERVICES WITH FEES SERVICES WITH FEES SERVICES ATM TRANSACTION FEES* WITH FEES ATM ATM TRANSACTION TRANSACTION FEES* FEES*
No Fee No No Fee Fee
Non-Bank of America ATM Withdrawal (in the U.S.) of America ATM Withdrawal Non-Bank Non-Bank of America ATM Withdrawal
No Fee No No Fee Fee No Fee No Fee NoFee Fee No No No Fee Fee
ATM Withdrawal International (all ATMs outside theInternational U.S.) ATM Withdrawal ATM Withdrawal International
No Fee No No Fee Fee No Fee No No Fee Fee No Fee No No Fee Fee
FREE...No Bank of America fee when you: FREE...No FREE...No Bank Bank of of America America fee fee when when you: you:
(in (in the the U.S.) U.S.)
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OTHER SERVICE FEES OTHER OTHER SERVICE SERVICE FEES FEES
Cash Access (Available at financial institutions that accept Visa cards) Cash (Available Cash Access Access (Available at at financial financial (Limited to available balance only) institutions institutions that that accept accept Visa Visa cards) cards) (Limited (Limited to to available available balance balance only) only)
(additional charge)
Card Replacement International (outside the U.S.) Card Replacement International
••displaying Use once aaweek Visa logo UseEPiC EPiCthe once weekat atany any teller teller window window displaying the Visa logo displaying the Visa logo • Shop with merchants displaying the Visa® logo
(outside the U.S.)
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logo • Shop merchants displaying the Shopawith with merchants displayinglocations the Visa Visa and logo • •Make purchase at participating ••request Make purchase back**at Makeaacash purchase atparticipating participating locations locations and and * Fees may be charged by the ATM owner request requestcash cashback** back** **Limits by merchants may apply. ®®
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No Fee for first withdrawal each week, No for$5.00 first withdrawal withdrawal No Fee Fee for first thereafter each week, $5.00 $5.00 each week, thereafter thereafter
Emergency Cash Transfer (in the U.S.)** $15.00 per transaction per transaction transaction Emergency Cash Transfer (in $15.00 per (in the the U.S.)** U.S.)** $15.00 Emergency Cash Transfer $30.00 per transaction (outside the U.S.)** Emergency Cash Transfer $30.00 per transaction (outside the U.S.)**
® ••ATM Use EPiC aaweek at aanon-Bank Visa or logo*of Usedisplaying EPiConce oncethe week atCirrus non-Bank ofAmerica America ®® ATM displaying the Visa or Cirrus logo* ATM displaying the Visa or Cirrus logo* • Use EPiC once a week at any teller window
$3.50 per transaction $3.50 per transaction transaction $3.50 per
Emergency Cash Transfer for remaining 1 waived per year account balance (under $20.00)** Emergency Cash Transfer for Emergency Cash Transfer for remaining remaining 1 waived per year 1 waived per year account balance (under (under $20.00)** $20.00)**
Card Replacement Domestic Card Replacement Domestic Card Replacement - Express Delivery (additional charge) Card Replacement - Express Delivery
• Use Bank of America ATM’s • Use Bank of ATM’s UseEPiC Bankonce ofAmerica America • •Use a week ATM’s at a non-Bank of America
ONE FREE per week then $1.50 per transaction ONE FREE per week week then then ONE FREE per $1.50 per transaction transaction $1.50 per
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*ATM owners may impose an additional “convenience fee” or “surcharge fee” for certain ATM transactions (a sign should be posted at the ATM to indicate additional *ATM *ATM owners may impose an additional “convenience fee” or “surcharge fee” for fees); however, you will not be charged any additional convenience or surcharge fees certain certain ATM transactions (a sign should be posted at the ATM to indicate additional atfees); a Bank of America ATM. A Bank of America ATM means an ATM that prominently fees); however, you will not be charged any additional convenience or surcharge fees displays the Bank of America name and logo. Balance inquiries may not be available at at aa Bank of America ATM. A Bank of America ATM means an ATM that prominently atdisplays all ATMsthe outside U.S. Bank the of America name and logo. Balance inquiries may not be available displays at at all all ATMs outside the U.S. An ATM Transaction Decline occurs when you request an amount greater than your balance or you incorrectly enter your PIN more than four times. An An ATM Transaction Decline occurs when you request an amount greater than your balance balance or you incorrectly enter your PIN more than four times. **All emergency cash transfers must be initiated through the Prepaid Debit Card Customer Service Center. **All **All emergency cash transfers must be initiated through the Prepaid Debit Card Customer Customer Service Center. Note: For any questions related to the above fee schedule, please call the Prepaid Debit Card Customer Service Center at 1-866-213-4074 (423-262-1650, collect, when Note: Note: For any questions related to the above fee schedule, please call the Prepaid calling outside the U.S.). For any questions regarding your child support payment Debit Debit Card Customer Service Center at 1-866-213-4074 (423-262-1650, collect, when amounts and dates of additions to your Account, please contact CSEA at calling calling outside the U.S.). For any questions regarding your child support payment 1-800-723-9937. amounts amounts and dates of additions to your Account, please contact CSEA at 1-800-723-9937. 1-800-723-9937.
IfIfyour lost Bank of will replace itcard andisisreimburse you for unauthorized yourcard lostor orstolen, stolen, Bank ofAmerica Americacard will replace reimburse you for transactions, subject to terms conditions setcard forth replaceititand and reimburse youand for unauthorized unauthorized card subject to conditions set intransactions, your EPiC prepaid cardand Deposit Agreement. transactions, subjectdebit toterms terms and conditions set forth forth ininyour yourEPiC EPiCprepaid prepaiddebit debitcard cardDeposit DepositAgreement. Agreement.
Customer service is available Customer service is Customer service isavailable available 24/7 for inquiries about your card. for inquiries 24/7 forwww.bankofamerica.com/mdepic inquiriesabout aboutyour your card. card. •24/7 Online: Online: www.bankofamerica.com/mdepic Online: www.bankofamerica.com/mdepic • ••Phone (toll free): 1-866-213-4074 • Phone (toll free): 1-866-213-4074 • Phone (toll free): 1-866-213-4074 • TTY (toll free): 1-866-656-5913
TTY free): 1-866-656-5913 TTY(toll (toll free): 1-866-656-5913 • ••Outside U.S. (collect): 423-262-1650 • Outside U.S. (collect): • Outside U.S. (collect): 423-262-1650 • Call immediately if your 423-262-1650 card is lost or stolen.
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Martin O’Malley, Governor • Anthony G. Brown, Lt. Governor • Theodore Dallas, Secretary MartinO’Malley, O’Malley,Governor Governor• •Anthony AnthonyG. G.Brown, Brown,Lt. Lt.Governor Governor• •Theodore TheodoreDallas, Dallas,Secretary Secretary Martin
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By John Rosemond
Living with Children
“So what about single parents, John?” asks a single mom responding to a newspaper column of mine in which I proposed that it is in a child’s best interest for his parents’ relationship with one another to be stronger than their relationships with him. “How does all that apply to a single mom like me?” I am, in fact, to answer that because seven my mother was a single parent for most of the years of my life. During that she was a very interestpeople ing person in my eyes—one of the most I’ve ever known in fact. She worked outside the home. She the College of Charleston) went to college (at that and eventually obtained a Ph.D. in plant morphology. She had a seemingly endless variety of friends. As she did her homework, she took the to explain to me things between animals with and animals like the she took me with her to without backbones. the library, where I sat in awe of how quiet and grown(rarely actually, and probably ups could be. only when it was either that or stay at home herself), I’d go with her and her friends to the beach or the movies. Because she was paid i to her. I was fascinated by her, in fact. She did not orbit around me, rather I orbited around her, and she made sure that my orbit was ever-expanding. Through her independence, she encouraged mine. More than once she told me it was her job to make sure I could stand on my own two feet, which
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required that she not let me stand on hers. that she will not have one of her own. She thinks she can only validate that she is a i do not remember her ever getting down good mom by doing things for her chilon the floor and playing with me, but she dren; therefore, she rarely does anything read to me at least once a day from chilfor herself. She does not feel she has perdren’s classics like Wind in the Willows. She mission to discipline because, after all, was affectionate, loving, and i always knew (she thinks) her kids only misbehave bei could rely on her, but it was perfectly clear cause they are “angry” about the divorce that she had a rich life beyond being John and at the same time they (supposedly) rosemond’s mother. feel responsible for it. as a consequence and by the way, my mother never, ever of the box into which our culture squeezes gave me the impression that having no the single mom (its’ walls are constructed father in my life (i saw my father on only of psychobabble), single mom-hood in three occasions before i was 11-years-old, america is not what it was for my mother. and only for several hours at a time) was an instead of a state of relatively enjoyable excuse for misbehavior, not doing my best independence, it is confining, exhausting, in school, poor manners, self-pity, “anger and guilt-ridden for all too many single issues,” and the like. i was responsible, fully moms. accountable. When i misbehaved, and tried A single mom recently told me that beto explain it away, my mother would look cause she had always wanted to learn to at me sternly and say, “there are no excuspaint, she was thinking of enrolling her es.” By virtue of not being allowed to wrap 4-year-old daughter in art lessons. myself in soap opera, i was given permission to have, and did have, a truly happy, i suggested that she forgo doing somealthough far from idyllic, childhood. thing else for her daughter and enroll herself in art lessons, and then perhaps turn Unfortunately, our culture no longer gives around and teach her daughter to paint. single mothers permission to be that kind She looked at me quizzically for a few moof mom. Today’s single mom is expected ments, then smiled and said, “i get it.” i to feel guilty, not independent. She is exhope she’s enjoying her art lessons. pected to compensate for the supposed psychological trauma her divorce has im- family psychologist John rosemond anposed upon her children by orbiting around swers parents’ questions on his web site them, making them her life, which insures at www.rosemond.com.
Did you Know As a parent, you can have close contact with your child from the time he or she is small. That type of contact builds trust; with trust comes commitment. Parents who are committed to their child’s wellbeing can have a very positive effect on their child. - NICHD
The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development
Continued on page 55
www.sCoolFood.org
Nuestros Alimentos, Nuestro Futuro
Our Food, Our Future
Ava, Carpinteria
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Surviving * ** ** *** * * * * * &Thriving as a single mom
Join the RUN FOR AUTISM Team today! You can do it too! Add a special purpose to your fitness goals. Our RUN FOR AUTISM program allows you to participate in races of all distances across the country. Autism strikes 1 in 150 children today! Help us help them by raising funds for autism research.
Organization for Autism Research Research and resources that help families today!
www.researchautism.org Toll Free (866) 366-9710
W
By Cheryl rubenstein, ph.D
Join the RUN FOR AUTISM Team today!
When i was expecting my first child, i remember having a conversation with a friend who is a mom of two about what parenthood might be like. “There will be times when you want to (or don’t want to get up with her at night) twitch your nose and turn the baby into a pumpkin,” he told me. Seeing the shock on my face, he smiled slyly and continued, “it’s not oK to do it, of course, but to want to it is perfectly normal.” i am thankful to him over and over. And over. it helps me remember that all mothers feel this way at one time or another, that having those feelings doesn’t make me a bad mother, and that when i feel that way, it’s okay to lower my expectations for a brief time until i can get through to the other side. Sometimes, just surviving is enough.
You can do it too! Add a special purpose to your fitness goals. Our RUN FOR AUTISM program allows you to participate in races of all distances across the country. Autism strikes 1 in 150 children today! Help us help them by raising funds for autism research.
Organization for Autism Research Research and resources that help families today!
www.researchautism.org Toll Free (866) 366-9710
iMom
Lil Sluggers is a child development program created to introduce children ages 2-5 to the game of baseball. Lil Sluggers classes develop important baseball skills such as throwing, catching, hitting, and base running. Developmentally appropriate equipment and games are used to teach your child the game of baseball in a fun, exciting, and positive environment.
Lots of times, survival is not at issue. We all want to pass on to our children the knowledge and skills to lead a worthwhile life. Moving from surviving to thriving means you’ve got to show up and you’ve got to take risks. As hard as it might be, dragging yourself to your child’s soccer game after a long day at work is not enough at times like this. You have to be there not just in body, but also in spirit. if you want to thrive, and want your child or children to thrive, you have to find a way to be present. often, you will find that sharing something with your child gives you energy you didn’t think you had.
ALONE
• Lil Sluggers has small class sizes, maximum 6 students per class. • All classes are held indoors. • Each Lil Sluggers class lasts 45-50 minutes. • No equipment is necessary for 2 and 3 year olds. • For 4 and 5 year olds baseball gloves are recommended. • Ask about our no-obligation trial class. • Make-up classes are available. • We do private group classes.
When a parent is in a bad mood and has no one to help with the children, this is a time to exercise survival skills. Many parents wonder what to do when they are in bad moods. if you have spoken unduly sharply or acted or reacted in anger, be honest with yourself and with your children. apologize if you feel like you really need to. This sets a good model. Your children will see that even parents get upset and do things they wish they hadn’t, but recover from them and come back to make things better. Just like everyone else, your children will have to learn how to handle bad moods and regrets about their own behavior. By being honest, you are showing them that feelings can be managed and that if they make a mistake, they can learn from it, apologize for it, and move past it. This will serve them well.
Phone: 410-729-0694 www.mdsportsplex.com web: www.mdsportsplex.com • e-mail: info@mdsportsplex.com
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12200 Emerald Coast Pkwy, Miramar Beach, FL 32550 (850) 837-7071 • 140 Eglin Pkwy SE, Fort Walton Beach, FL 32548 (850) 863-3222
Know your strength as a Single Parent • Great Child Care • Personal Training • 36 Group Fitness Classes - Les Mills
I’m hoping you can help me! My twelve-year-old Grandson has started spewing some of the most horrific language I have ever heard. It seems to happen most often when we are in public. I am so embarrassed. I’ve tried washing his mouth out with soap and everything else in my toolbox. I’m thinking we should just never leave the house again! Help!
- Carol
simple like “Please come”, wait until you see the accomplice arrive and leave. He’ll either, be shocked and follow, or the accomplice will take him home. Make sure you have all of the holes filled and kinks worked out before you try this. You want to be ready for any scenario. When you get home, do not revisit the issue. the next time he asks you to take him somewhere like practice. Say something like “Hmmmm, how sad.” When he asks you “What!” and he most likely will, respond like this, “remember i said i was going to have to do something about your language? Well, i can’t take you anywhere until i am sure that won’t be a problem again”. He will respond in a, more than likely, not pleased manner. At this point, become a broken record. no matter what he says respond with a simple one liner such as “i love you too much to argue” or “i talk to people who use calm voices.” never waver! Whatever he says respond the same. eventually, he will become really frustrated or confused. either way he will probably storm off and calm down. if he comes back at you later respond the same way or maybe add something like “What did i say?” The hardest part will be resisting the urge to nag and making it seem like its’ not a big deal. i would also recommend you read “Parenting with Love and Logic” or “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic” by foster Cline, MD. and Jim fay. these books are also available on CD if you’re like me and prefer to listen while you drive. i think you will find either version a great help. good luck, Doreen
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Doreen Campbell is the mother of two small children, to whom she credits her most valuable life lessons. She has dedicated over sixteen years to helping children and caregivers build stronger, happier relationships. Social worker, Special education Teacher, and Behavioral Specialist are only a few of the hats she has worn. aiding families in identifying the root causes behind difficult behaviors and guiding them to find ways to improve the situations they may find themselves in is her mission in life. in these pages she will answer your questions and help you as she has so many others.
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Carol, Trust me when i say we’ve all been there in one way or another. if i ever have the chance, remind me to tell you the D$%& Cookie story courtesy of my angelic little girl. Control is really important to twelve-year-old boys! i have a feeling that your grandson is taking great pleasure in controlling the reaction he is getting from you and others around him. He probably thinks it’s pretty cool that he can control the color of your face, the tone of your voice, and probably, the amount of time that you both spend in any given situation. i think the biggest thing you must remember is to “never let him see you sweat!” His swearing may simply be a rite of passage influenced by peers and other factors. if you were in a public place i would address the issue by using a delayed consequence. “i’m going to have to do something about this but not right now. i’ll get back to you.” You could also, calmly say something like “hmmm, sometimes people use language like that because they don’t have a very big vocabulary, sure wouldn’t work for me.” Then let it drop. resist the urge to lecture!!! if it continues, i would also leave the environment but, again, don’t make it a big deal. “My car is leaving in 5 minutes, you can come with me or not. (You must have someone as back up in case he takes option two. Have a neighbor, your husband, or someone else on standby). if after the allotted time he chooses not to come with you, break out the cell phone and call your accomplice. this has been planned ahead so when you call don’t elaborate just say something
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What do you do if, god forsoul issearching about your if you are caught in flagranbid, your child walks in on values. huge topic, te delicto, stay calm. Don’tclarify you with a strange person, you with a strange person, but don’t for now, but your for this now, aclarify your freak out and don’t freak panic. out and panic. bid, your child walks in on values. this is a huge topic, te delicto, stay calm. 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relax
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reflect reflect reflect reflect relax relax relax
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until he or she is mature and responsible. Then, you probably wish for them a committed, monogamous, and loving sexual relationship in which they both respect themselves and their partner and are in turn respected. guess what? Say hello to your personal values! Your child learns about your values concerning sexuality, as well as your attitude about other values, through your modeling. in other words, your behavior counts for much more than your words. “Do as i say, but not as i do,” will only come back to haunt you when your teen-aged son wants to bring his “flavor-of-the-month” girlfriend home for a slumber party. and you will have little authority to stand upon if you haven’t modeled responsible, committed, sexual behavior of your own. Think of ways to introduce your kids to the subject of values after you’ve examined your own and are clear on what you wish to model to your children. With a younger child, you may use a hypothetical situation to illustrate the concept of values. For example, explain that if you find a $100 bill, you must decide if the right thing to do is to return it to the owner or keep it for yourself following the old expression, “finders keepers, losers weepers.” explain that your choice is based on a value and that your family tries to keep certain values. Think of a couple of examples to further illustrate this to your kids, perhaps about telling the truth or being on time.
repair
Your children are noT going to be emotionally scarred for life if you’ve fallen short of living up to your values in this rare instance. in fact, discussion around that mistake and your openness to own up to it is quite healthy. However, if you’ve been caught in a compromising situation, there is some repair work ahead of you that will, in part, depend upon the age of your child.
general do’s and don’ts for children of all ages:
about what happened last night and want to talk to you about it,” sets the stage by reassuring your child that he is not to blame and also gives him a great example of YoU being accountable for your actions. • Do promote a positive attitude about sex as something that is normal, healthy, and pleasurable under the right conditions. • Do capitalize on teachable moments. if you have not been providing developmentally appropriate sex education, get started now. • Do keep your ears open for questions and offer age-appropriate information. • Do introduce the concept of values. if you’ve modeled behavior that is not in keeping with your values, acknowledge that with a simple apology. • Don’t burden them with unwanted information or make a bigger deal out of it than necessary. if they have no questions and don’t want any explanations, let it go until another time. • Don’t pressure them to keep your secret from their other parent or grandparents.
For Very Young Children:
• remember that what may be sexy and exciting to you, may frighten young children. They may fear you are being hurt or are in pain. reassure your child that you are fine and safe. ask gently about what they saw---they may not have seen anything! However, if they did see sexually explicit behavior, explain it as a way that grown-ups sometimes show that they care for each other. Children are naturally curious about their bodies and sex. answer their questions clearly, but briefly, using correct names for body parts. Convey an accepting and healthy attitude and your children will be comfortable asking you more questions in the future as they arise.
For School aged Children:
• Do remain calm, warm, and honest.
• Do take responsibility. a simple, but heartfelt, “i’m sorry
• Kids now have some knowledge of sex and, even if they have not received sex education at home, they have
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gleaned information from their friends. Your approach must assure them that they have done nothing wrong, that you are ok, and that you have a healthy, accepting attitude about sex. You may have to correct some misconceptions that they have picked up via the playground grapevine in a simple, direct manner. remember, too, that your kids may still want Daddy or Mommy all to themselves. Finding you in an intimate moment with a partner may spark jealousy and feelings of betrayal. Be prepared to offer a lot of reassurance that nothing will ever interfere with your love for them.
For ‘Tweens” and Teens:
• Their knowledge will be more extensive, but that’s not going to make your job easier. For one thing, you must deal with a major “yuck” factor---‘Tweens and Teens don’t even like to think of their parents having sex! additionally, you may feel very uncomfortable discussing sexual matters with your older children. Be frank and admit your discomfort because this will normalize his or her own embarrassment. and use humor and appropriate self-disclosure to ease everyone’s anxiety. For example, relate how difficult it was for you to talk with your own parents about sex. Sharing parts of your own history will encourage them to interact with you and ask their questions.
rethink
You’ve repaired from this incident, but don’t plan a repeat performance! rather, reassess and make decisions about your family’s future. Vow to keep your private life private and limit sleepovers to those times when your child is at his other parent’s house, with her grandparents, a babysitter, or with a friend with whom you swap child-care duties. get creative about finding truly private, private time. if you’ve met someone special and the relationship has grown over a period of months, introduce him or her to your children slowly. once your relationship is committed, long-term and your significant other has a positive and solid bond with your kids, reassess your situation. if you decide that sleepovers are in keeping with your own
values, approach your children about it honestly rather than sneaking around. With younger children, be sure to maintain their normal bedtime routine. With teenagers, it is best to have a frank talk to flush out their feelings about the new arrangement. always keep your PDa’s (public displays of affection) appropriate and, if you’ve not already done so, teach your child about privacy issues by modeling knocking on closed doors rather than bursting in unannounced. respect is a two way street. and it’s always a good idea to have a back-up plan in place with kids in the house. in other words, lock your bedroom door or, at least, keep a blanket nearby for emergency cover-ups! instead of subscribing to the Hollywood version of Sex and the Single-Parent, be the director and producer of your own blockbuster. aspire for a Pg rating, please! and feature yourself as the hero or heroine, who chooses behavior in keeping with personal values that promote the star of the show (your child) growing into a healthy, mature and responsible young man or woman. You’ll be glad that you did and the rave reviews will be worth it when your child is an adult and thanks you.
for further reading
• Teaching Your Children Values by richard eyre and linda eyre • The Values Book: Teaching Sixteen Basic Values to Young Children by pam Schiller and tamera Bryant • everything You never Wanted Your Kids to Know about Sex (But Were afraid They’d ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child’s Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens by Justin richardson and Mark Schuster
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civilized
the Boys & Girls Clubs of America presents
By nancy Weller, esquire
DivorCe
With 20 years of legal experience and having gone through a divorce myself, i know how difficult separation and divorce can be, no matter what the circumstances. it’s my goal to help clients navigate the legal process with the least amount of time, energy, cost, and emotional angst using collaborative family law, mediation, or cooperative law. These methods resolve cases with fair, reasonable, and cost-effective settlement agreements. Collaborative Family Law is a dramatically different way of approaching divorce in a non-adversarial manner. under this approach, parties are represented by specially trained collaborative family lawyers. Both parties and their lawyers commit in writing to work together to attain a fair and equitable settlement agreement, thereby avoiding contested litigation. Parties participate in a series of face-to-face meetings where they work together openly and honestly to resolve conflicts. it is much less expensive than traditional litigation, both financially and emotionally, and allows the parties to maintain control over the problem-solving process in a private venue. The impact of the separation and divorce is substantially less, which is particularly important when children are involved.
Families are the first source of information for children and often determine how children will experience life. Children from strong families have the best opportunities for success. That’s why Boys & Girls Clubs of America (BGCA) has a strong commitment to strengthening families. Thanks to the generous support of Kimberly-Clark, BGCA began implementing the Family PLUS (Parents Leading, Uniting, Serving) initiative in 2005. Family PLUS is a model for Boys & Girls Clubs wanting to implement family support components into their Club’s programming. Those components include; Kinship Care, Economic Opportunity, Father Involvement, FAN Club and Outreach Strategies.
Mediation, another way to resolve conflicts outside of court, is different from collaborative law in that mediation sessions are traditionally conducted without attorneys present and are presided over by a third neutral party who does not provide legal advice. With the collaborative approach, both parties benefit from having lawyers present for negotiation sessions who are committed to negotiating a winwin settlement agreement.
This model introduces Clubs to factors affecting the family unit and methods of collaborating with community organizations to provide parents and caregivers with resources. The initiative is sponsored by the Kimberly-Clark with a 5-year, $7 million grant to BGCA.
Under the collaborative approach, if either party seeks court intervention, the collaborative process terminates and traditional litigators must be hired. While i provide traditional legal representation, i strive first towards resolving cases outside of court. if couples can agree that they want to resolve these issues without expensive adversarial litigation, then collaborative law is the way to go. it just makes sense.
developing youth by strengthening families to learn more about Family PLUS, visit http://familyplus.bgca.org 28
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nancy l. Weller, esquire’s office is located at 22 ½ West Street Annapolis, Maryland 21401. You can reach her at: (410) 263-3660 or www.nancyweller.com
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The column I will be writing for iParentSingle will be addressing those pesky emotional and physical needs that we still have, and don’t want to lose, even though daddy duties are so compelling that we feel giving up romantic love might be the only choice we have for the next decade or so. I understand that feeling, but I believe that every woman also deserves adult relationships and that if we can find someone who is worthy, and adores us (or at least cares enough about us to create a positive impact on our mental health) we will be happier and that will be better for our children in both the short and long run.
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So, my column will be on finding love, maintaining it, getting over bad starts or unhealthy relationships. We will work on getting more insights and tools to make love and being coupled (occasionally or steadily) in our lives. I hope to be responsive to your questions and opinions—and give solid advice—and offer resources. It’s friend to friend as well as expert to audience; I have had periods of single motherhood myself - and I know we all need the support and wisdom of each other when it comes to love and sex.
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Teens are influenced by their peers and don’t always think they make poor choices. Some of these poor choices include: Alcohol and drug use • impaired decision making • Driving under the influence • alcohol poisoning
land, the facility and its staff members stand ready 24 hours a day, every day. the Shock trauma Center receives, stabilizes and treats those whose lives are threatened by severe multi-system injury, acute complex orthopedic injury, spinal cord and column injuries, and brain injury. in 34
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iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
Risky Driving Behaviors • • • • • •
nbelted drivers and passengers U Speeding Distracted driving Too many kids in the vehicle Drowsy driving Driving under the influence
operated by the University of Maryland Medical System (UMMS), patient care at the Shock trauma Center is linked to a comprehensive continuum of services from injury prevention services and programs to prehospital providers through resuscitation, stabilization, critical and
August 2017
Sex • • • • • •
Unprotected Unwanted (no consent) Date rape Too drunk or high to say no Sexually transmitted diseases Pregnancy
the Shock trauma Center conducts a variety of prevention programs in collaboration with schools, community groups and the court system throughout the state, as well as with national prevention Continued on page 56 35
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• Sprinkle on oatmeal for extra flavor and crunch.
Granola is a crunchy, sweet, protein packed treat. You can bag it up and carry it in your purse, car, backpack for your snacking needs. It is great for morning, noon and night. Just by adding a few more ingredients you can make many more delicious and nutritious snacks for everyone.
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Other uses for great granola:
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Why is Granola such a great snack?
Want your kids to eat healthier? This book will feature 100 recipes and be available at b.b Bistro in annapolis, MD for $29.95, as well as on amazon and on Kindle. www.bbbistroannapolis.com 36
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internet, cell phones, 24/7 tv programming and video games. The world today is much different than the one we all grew up in as children. and these are just the technological differences. add on the increased demand and competition in children’s academic and extracurricular activities and parenting becomes even more complicated. not only are we parenting in a different environment than did our parents, many parents have made a conscious decision to parent differently than we were parented. The autocratic “father knows best” dynamic doesn’t quite fit in today’s world, especially since father may not be around or may be the heads of two different households. While previous generations may have had their parenting knowledge and skills passed down through the family tree, today’s parents often find this information is either not available or no longer applies. With no prior experience or role model to which to turn, how is a parent to know how to raise iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
Connection
i belong, whether to a family, friends or other group.
Capable
i can do it and other people see this ability in me.
Contribute
i am a valuable individual who can make a difference.
Courage
i can handle whatever comes my way.
responsible, capable, happy kids? To fill parents’ need for information and skill-building, parenting education programs across the nation are on the rise, whether located in homes, churches or social centers of schools. These programs work to fill the needs of parents from all walks of life and family compositions – regardless of socioeconomic position, race, religion, age, culture or family. one such program formed in the early days of the parent education movement is the Washington, DC area-based parent encouragement Program (PeP). PeP was founded in 1982 by Linda Jessup who first
August 2017
held parenting classes in the living room of her Silver Spring home. Jessup based pep’s classes on the proven psychological theories of alfred adler and rudolf Dreikers. their respect-based theories apply to all human relationships, but have special relevance to raising children with a high sense of self. adler’s theories state that a person’s individual and collective mental health is based on a strong self-concept in combination with high social interest or feelings of contribution. PeP’s classes focus on helping parents learn how to build these four C’s not only in their children’s lives, but also in their own. Continued on page 56 39
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Welcome to nutrition news & notes for iParentSingle Magazine. i am a mother of three and am very passionate about children’s nutrition. of course, as a mother of three i am also always on a mission for more convenience in my life. as a working parent, i constantly found myself confronted with the frustration of trying to provide healthy foods to my kids that also delivered the time saving convenience that i needed. it seemed to me that we should not have to compromise one for the other. in other words, why should a parent have to sacrifice nutrition for convenience? There must be a way to develop products that would deliver both. Unfortunately, this simple idea seemed to be more of an elusive dream in the marketplace. Convenient, healthy products for kids just did not seem to exist. The result…i started my own com-
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for parents of children from birth thru teens Since 1982, PEP has offered classes that teach nutrition rather than empty calories will have a direct impact on your child’s lifelong health. My hope for this column is to save you some time, effort and expense by offering some helpful suggestions derived although i worked for a Fortune 100 food from my research and experience. company, it was my experience as a parent that made me passionate about focusing on Let’s start with the basics. The one thing nutritious products for kids. after consult- that all the research clearly points to is the ing with food scientists, nutritionists, dieti- benefit of whole foods. Study after study cians and pediatricians, as well as continu- confirms that consuming nutrients from a ally reviewing clinical data and researching whole food source is nutritionally superior scientific findings, the need to focus on to getting vitamins and minerals in a tablet children’s nutrition became clear. Children or other supplement form. For example, are just as busy as we are and the younger it is far more effective to get your antioxithey are, the more rapid their growth rate. dants by eating broccoli, whole grains or Children need to fuel this growth. During oranges rather than by taking vitamins. a growth spurt i’m sure you have noticed that they seem to be constantly hungry and thirsty. Providing this fuel through proper Continued on page 54 pany to create great tasting, healthy and convenient products that were suitable for our “on-the-go” lives and our “on-thegrow™” kids.
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proven, practical parenting methods for addressing problem behaviors and bringing out the best in parents AND their children. Spring Schedule Now Available Online! Spring Class Topics Include: Managing Anger, Setting Limits, Avoiding Power Struggles, Whining, Thriving with Teens, When Parents Disagree on How to Parent and many more.
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Call today to register. Spring session begins April 7! 41
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f e At u r e S t o r Y
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Yoga
A Single Mom’s Best friend By Jane Eirhart A Series
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Stressed out, locked in your head, too busy to exercise? Want to re-invent yourself? a yoga studio is exactly where you need to be. For single parents, whose time is especially limited, a hatha yoga class or any yoga that uses breath to create “heat” in the body can not only relieves stress--it can change your blood chemistry to promote significant physiological and neurological healing. five thousand years ago, hindus developed yoga (which means “union of the individual soul with the universal soul) as a means for reaching enlightenment and spiritual fulfillment. They practiced “dyana” (meditation), “asana” (postures), and “pranayama” (rhythmic breathing). Ha Tha, in Sanskrit means “the balance of opposites” such as the sun and moon, ying and yang, male and female, light and dark. hindu yogis believed that every human has a strong side and a weak side. Hatha accepts imbalance yet works towards balance, toward that kind of equilibrium that a flower maintains as it breaks through the earth and soars to the sun, blossoming. Certain yoga styles, including the more rigorous forms of Hatha, exercise your endocrine system because they constrict and then release blood flow to organs throughout your body, especially organs hard to “exercise” at the gym, such as your liver and colon. rhythmic breath or “pranayama” “heats” the body by causing circulation and blood volume to increase. in about 50 minutes, in one class, your fresh, oxygenated blood rejuvenates your body; impurities, infections, and bacteria are removed through perspiration. The process, among other things, lowers your cortisol levels and increases neurotransmitters like gABA that enhance mental clarity and a sense of well being. To ensure regular “rejuvenation” though, you must develop a regular practice, and attend from one to three classes a week or more. “...Yoga can change your blood chemistry,” says David Shannahoff-Khalsa, director of the research group for Mind-Body Dynamics at the University of San Diego’s institute iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
of nonlinear Science. He points to numerous clinical trials, including those conducted by the national institutes of Health and the agency for Healthcare research and Quality that reveal that yoga does the following: lower your blood’s cortisol levels (which are directly related to stress and if left unchecked decrease immunity); prevent the overproduction of adrenalin in the blood, (which can makes you feel uneasy and can be dangerous over time), dilate your blood cells (to help circulation and increase organ health) and regulate blood sugars to normal levels. Shannahoff-Khalsa is publishing books and new research revealing how obsessive compulsive disorder and bi-polar disorders, which affect the brain, can be relieved by systematic practice of Kundalini yoga, an intense, spiritual form of yoga using postures, breath, meditation, and chanting. the great thing about yoga is that you don’t need to know any of this in order to benefit from it. once you learn the fundamentals, your marvelous body does all the work. “Find any soft beginner class that teaches you to breath and the postures and get started,” recommends Paulette Florio, program director at the Studio in St. Michaels, Maryland and certified massage therapist specializing in neuromuscular massage. one kind of yoga especially useful to single parents who may have given up completely on finding balance (or who have
August 2017
“tipped” over completely) is “restorative yoga.” “restorative yoga will get you out of your head and into your body,” says Florio, who explains that her classes rely on a variety of props, such as blankets, walls, bolsters, and physio exercise balls to open up the front of the body. restorative yoga is based on the premise that the more fully your body is supported, the deeper your sense of relaxation and surrender will be. Dress in clothing you can move in and that your instructor can see your body in. Be prepared to use your breath, move your spine in all directions, bend forward and backward and to invert the body. along with two levels of restorative yoga, The Studio also offers yoga classes just for men designed to increase strength and flexibility. Like many master instructors, Florio draws techniques from different yoga styles and lineages to fashion her own time-tested forms. Her beginning and advanced classes are a careful blend of what she calls her three yoga “dialects”: iyengar, which focuses on correct alignment, Tri yoga, which combines postures, breath, and focus to aid you in manifesting your life with more awareness and anusara. This is a powerful, vigorous yoga infused with a Tantric spiritual philosophy that celebrates the innate goodness in all things.
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iMom
I’m a role model for my kids so every day when I wake up I… Laurent Amzallag
GET FiT NoW
Co-Parent Go for long run, sometimes with the kids Work Make sure they have good shoes for healthy feet Eat clean food
it’s 6:00am. The alarm rings. You feel like throwing it against a wall. But you don’t because you barely have time to go down to the kitchen, prepare the kids lunches, make breakfast, and wake them up (which is harder than learning how to tango on one foot.) Then you still have to take your shower, optional at this point, and get ready to go to work!
Be passionate Be happy Love
You work all day, come back home, fix dinner, make sure the kids homework is done, and then it’s time for you to go to bed. Wait a minute. Did i forget something? What about exercise? Your heart is probably palpitating just reading those few lines. i can’t blame you. But you are not alone! With about 10.4 million single mothers in the uS (according to the US census bureau), that would make for a lot of out of shape moms.
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oprah recently chose Laurent as her fitness expert to motivate and get all her guests to “shake their booties” on her “Live Your Best Life” tour. eLLe Magazine also featured Laurent in their June 2004 issue, describing his fitness training style as “Sexercise.” Laurent’s charismatic energy and motivational skills have led to a long list of international bookings and promotions for his revolutionary brand of fitness: The YaLa Workout. The YaLa (“let’s go”) Workout combines strength conditioning exercises and dance moves choreographed to world beats. laurent’s unique Yala Workout has been featured on FoX, nBC and CBS. Laurent has been a guest on nBC afternoon news, demonstrating exercises and motivating viewers to get fit. He is presently a regular on the CBS network as their fitness expert. on-air experience includes hosting the “lunch-time workout” on a highly rated radio station in Washington DC and on the morning show in Madison, Wisconsin. he has been named as one of the 50 most influential people in the world of fitness by the President’s Council on physical fitness and Sports.
important it is to exercise. Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard it all before, right? Well just in case you were wondering, a lack of exercise will increase your risk for chronic illnesses such as heart disease, bone loss, arthritis, cancer, obesity (linked to breast cancer), lack of energy and hormone imbalances to name a few. The female body is made to move on a regular basis. When you sit all day on your tushes, you’re going against the wind. now, you don’t need to spend 5 hours in the gym “a la Jennifer aniston”. Moderate exercise is the best. and you can definitely achieve your goal with about 30 minutes a day! regular exercise will help you keep a more positive attitude of life. it comes in handy when those deadlines are piling up and when little Michael keeps pulling his sister’s hair in the back seat of the car. and if you’re menopausal, exercise will diminish symptoms such as weight gain, osteoporosis and hot flashes. now, let’s get down to business…
around the office as a midday break (23 calories*). Then climb a flight of stairs instead of the elevator (that’s another 5-6 minutes) and try parking your car a little further away in the parking lot. When you come back home, why not do something with the kids? Have them help you in the garden raking leaves (51 calories/10 minutes*)? or even better, put on your favorite song and start dancing in the living room with the kids, (52.5 calories/10 minutes*)! You’ll be surprised on how receptive they’ll be. They will shake their little booties like there’s no tomorrow! Kids love to dance. And remember, kids look up to you. if they see their mom being active, chances are they will be active as well. habits are created at a young age. Bottom line is do something fun, something that you enjoy. i don’t care what it is because once you enjoy something you stick with it. and when you stick with it, then you get the results and the benefits you were looking for!
You’re probably asking yourself, “are you crazy, trainer guy? Where’s the time? How am i going to fit it in? What should i do?” relax! Take a deep breath and together let’s figure this out. Like i said earlier, let’s go for 30 minutes a Bonne chance at a bientot. oK, you don’t need another trainer day. But they don’t have to be consecutive * an average for a woman that weights 70 (a French one at that) to tell you how minutes. You can go for a 10 minute walk kilograms. iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
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Your Child’s New Diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes
iGp
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The Journey Begin By Fran R. Cogen, MD, CDE
L
Children’s National Medical Center
Life is hectic enough for single parents who juggle household chores, childcare responsibilities, occupational demands, deadlines, and try to find time for their own personal needs. getting through the day with relatively few mishaps may be considered a major accomplishment. a new diagnosis of any chronic disease, including diabetes, can disrupt the daily ebb and flow of routines, bring new anxieties, and wreak havoc on your “normal” life.
the importance of this simple statement. Both parents need to hear the same information. By uniting together at diagnosis, you are giving a clear message to your child that you both will be supportive and provide the same responsible care, even if there are separate households. This is applicable to stepparents, grandparents, and other members of the family unit.
in some cases, it may be impossible for both parents to attend the classes together. Upon reflection, your child may have exhibited Therefore, i strongly encourage that the parent symptoms of diabetes that may seem obvious not present at the original teaching session after diagnosis. or your child may have been come to a class as soon as remotely possible. diagnosed with diabetes after a routine office Demonstrate Competence to visit to his/her pediatrician. regardless, family Ensure Safety life will never be the same, especially in singleTo safely care for the child with diabetes, parent households. caregivers will be required to demonstrate The initial hospitalization and outpatient competence (blood glucose monitoring, insulin visits for teaching survival skills and more administration, etc.) to the diabetes care team complex educational components of diabetes before the child will be allowed to return to management are time-consuming, labor either home. intensive, and emotionally draining. a huge learning curve must occur within weeks of Obtain adequate Diabetes Supplies for diagnosis in order to safely care for the child Each Household with diabetes. How does one manage to move The complexity of care for a child with Type 1 forward and maintain a sense of equilibrium Diabetes is considerable. Caregivers should during such an emotionally intense experience? be required to obtain enough equipment and Through a series of articles, i hope to guide prescriptions for every household so the affected single parents through the labyrinth of all child can be safe. i recommend at the outset to provide all the necessary supplies with refills for aspects of Type 1 Diabetes including: both caregivers. in this way, if equipment is lost • Management (in transit, left in the car, insulin forgotten, etc.) • Psychosocial issues there is a safety net when the child visits either • School related Concerns parent. • research Considerations i will suggest strategies that work extraordinarily well to decrease the stress and difficulty in diabetes management for the single parent or caregiver. i hope to help single parents and families remain cognizant of issues that may arise as the child with diabetes resumes his/her previous routine after diagnosis..
Steps from Type I Diabetes Diagnosis: Where to Start Both Parents/Caregivers Need to be on the Same Page about Care and Management
Keep Communications open with your Diabetes Care Team—use them as a Resource
The diabetes team will support you throughout the journey. Most diabetes teams consist of physicians, nurse educators, dieticians, and a psychosocial team. Take advantage of the expertise that is available. Keep in mind that it is important to get through the first few days, then weeks, and finally months.
as i continue this column, i welcome questions that may assist all single parents and caregivers. First and foremost, it is extremely important that i will strive to provide the best possible both parents/caregivers are available for the information for the care of your child. initial diabetes education. i cannot emphasize 46
iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
About Dr. Fran R. Cogen md, cde
Dr. Cogen is the director of the Childhood and Adolescent Diabetes program at Children’s national Medical Center in Washington, DC, and was named as one of the Best Doctors in america. She has served on the American Diabetes association national Diabetes education recognition Committee and is currently the Physician representative of The national Certification Board for Diabetes educators. Dr. Cogen also teaches residents and medical students at Children’s national Medical Center and george Washington university School of Medicine and Health Sciences. intensive insulin therapy and its effect on quality of life is her primary area of interest.
About Children’s National Medical Center
Children’s national Medical Center, located in Washington, DC, is a proven leader in the development of innovative new treatments for childhood illness and injury. Children’s national has been serving the nation’s children for more than 135 years and is proudly ranked among the best pediatric hospitals in America by US news & World report and the Leapfrog group. Children’s national Medical Center’s comprehensive Diabetes Team is available to families on a 24-hour basis. nurse educators chat with families throughout the day and our physicians are available for emergencies during the evenings. Children’s national provides a sense of safety and support for patients and caregivers. We are aware of the unique needs of single families and will help troubleshoot as you navigate the system. For more information, visit www.childrensnational.org.
The Washington Nationals’ Partnership with Children’s National in March 2007, the Washington nationals of Major League Baseball chose pediatric diabetes education and care as one of their signature causes. Through their commitment and generous lead gift, Children’s national Medical Center plans to build a designated a 6,500 square foot Diabetes Care Complex within the hospital. it will be a family-centered clinical care and education facility to serve children and families coping with diabetes. To receive more information or to help with the cause, please contact Dianne Wicklein with Children’s Hospital Foundation at dwicklei@cnmc.org.
August 2017
By John M. Cutting, DMD
Give a Smile
iMom
iGp
iSp
With the hectic pace of life and the demands of being a single parent, dental care can often slip to the bottom of your list of important things. This shouldn’t be the case. Solid foundations in homecare and regular visits to your dentist are an important part of your child’s development. Consulting with your dentist or dental hygienist can answer any questions you might have and get you and your child started in the right direction for a healthy and happy smile. Parents often ask the appropriate time to bring a child in for his or her initial visit. The American Dental Association (ADA) recommends
that a child be seen by their first birthday. The first tooth should begin appearing around the sixth month, with the middle teeth
coming first. each child is different, but by its first birthday a child should have between four and six teeth. The initial visit is most often a simple visual exam to review the child’s development and ensure there is no decay present. Dental problems can begin early and decay is chief among these. Decay caused by children sleeping with a bottle, either during a nap or at night, or continuous breastfeeding can be very destructive. it is important to remember that baby teeth play a vital role in how a child’s adult teeth will grow and erupt. The baby teeth serve as placeholders for the adult teeth as they develop out of sight under the gums. encourage your child to begin drinking from a cup as they approach their first birthday and wean him or her from a bottle before 18 months.
TRY NOW
iMom
Get an Exam for your child by age 1 Brush Daily—It protects the adult teeth Eliminate bad habits like thumb sucking
It is also important to eliminate bad habits at an early age. Thumb sucking or pacifier use is normal for infants, but most stop by age two. if your child does not, discourage it after the age of three,
as these can lead to problems further down the road. in the same way that braces move teeth into alignment by applying pressure, a thumb or pacifier can move the teeth out of alignment. it is also possible that this constant pressure will alter the shape of the upper and lower jaws, leading to serious problems in the future, possibly an overbite (front teeth not meeting when the child closes the jaw) or “buck” teeth.
It is also important to make brushing your child’s teeth a regular part of his or her daily routine. the ADA recommends cleaning your
child’s gums before teeth even begin to appear, making sure to use a soft infant toothbrush and water. Unless advised by your dentist, do not use fluoridated toothpaste until age two or three. in addition, most children won’t develop the coordination and dexterity needed to clean their own teeth until age three. it is important to be an active participant in your child’s homecare routine until they are able to brush for themselves and to check up on their brushing to ensure they do a thorough job once they start to brush on their own. iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
August 2017
The earlier your child is seen, the better the chances to avoid future problems. Proper homecare and preventative maintenance are vital to the development of strong, healthy teeth. For more information and answers to other questions, please visit the american Dental association on their website, www.ada.org. 47
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Dyslexia seeing can be believing EARLY SIGNS
By Jane Snyder, Ph.D
I
i am most pleased to be writing a column for you, the parent, the single parent, the architect of your child’s future, and the one who loves unconditionally. You may not realize this, but you are your child’s expert. You have more moment to moment data than almost anyone else, and you have more intuitive knowledge than anyone ever will. it is you who i applaud, as you have difficult decisions to make, difficult challenges to encounter, and roads to travel that are uncharted. As an educator and a learning specialist for more than thirty years, it is the parents who i have come to know who teach the rest of the 48
Language delays
Speech difficult to understand Unusual language patterns
world what we need to understand about our child and his needs. You may not feel so expert, but i begin by asking that you trust yourself, and trust what you see, even if you do not understand what it means. and find others who can help answer the questions you are trying to resolve. That is the true partnership of parenting…the parent, the child, the professionals you tap along the way. This article will focus on certain observations about the young child, from two to four years old. our children are born, and we hope each will move through the stages of childhood unmarred.
Their hurts become our hurts, we want to protect them from harm and celebrate their successes. Your child sits up on time, walks on time, laughs, responds, and seems perfect. He is perfect, yet his timeline may be different than others his age. This does not mean your child is flawed. it means you may need to tap the expertise of others to answer those questions you raise. one of the first questions may be: His speech is difficult to understand. He turns words inside out, like “pisgetti” for “spaghetti.” He seems to grope for the right words, so you fill in the blanks, and it becomes a pattern.
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
Continued on page 58 August 2017
Anne Arundel Community College
iMom
BEST
Behavioral/Emotional Support and Training (for children aged six weeks to 5 years old)
Having trouble managing a child’s difficult behavior? Help is here! • • • • • •
Behavioral assessment Behavioral consultation Program planning Effective behavior management techniques Services provided free of charge Services/training for parents, child care center staff and family child care providers
For information, call 410-777-2915 Behavioral specialists • LaTanya McFadden, 410-777-2041 • Doreen Campbell, 410-777-2042 • Traci Wimmer-Smith, 410-777-1973 Funded by the Local Management Board of Anne Arundel County
An equal opportunity, affirmative action, Title IX, ADA Title 504 compliant institution. Call the disability support services, 410-777-2307 or Maryland Relay 711, 72 hours in advance, to request special accommodations. For information regarding Anne Arundel Community College’s compliance and complaints concerning discrimination or harassment, call 410-777-7432 or Maryland Relay 711.
Your Fiscal GPS
Here Hereare aresome somerecession recessionproof prooffun funideas: ideas:
iMom
Play PlayBoard BoardGames Games
There are great life lessons in games like Monopoly and Life. There are great life lessons in games like Monopoly and Life.
Rediscover RediscoverThe TheLibrary Library
Check into book readings or activities that are being offered. Check into book readings or activities that are being offered.
Get GetCrafty Crafty
You may have heard one person’s junk is another person’s treasure. You may have heard one person’s junk is another person’s treasure. There are websites devoted to cheap crafty ideas for kids! There are websites devoted to cheap crafty ideas for kids!
BuyWisely Wisely Buy
Shop around to find the best prices, stores like gamestop let you Shop around to find the best prices, stores like gamestop let you trade in old video games for credit towards a new or used game. trade in old video games for credit towards a new or used game.
FindFREE FREEThings ThingsTo ToDo Do Find
Just type this statement into the internet search along with your town Just type this statement into the internet search along with your town andsee seeall allthe thefree freethings thingsavailable. available. pack packsnacks snacksand andaalunch lunchto to and keep your costs down. keep your costs down.
By Jacalyn Murray
I’m the poster-child for someone who should not drive without a Global Positioning System or GPS. A GPS is one of the greatest inventions of all time! Before GPS became a household name, I drove through life like I was in one of my 11 year old son’s video games: fumbling with maps, frantically searching for signs, desperately avoiding hazards, almost always going in the wrong direction, and mostly screaming and crying. It was not a pretty sight.
W
With the current state of the economy, many people feel like they’re hurling through the same type of video “game.” During my 27 years of guiding people in money matters, i’ve acted as my clients’ “Fiscal gPS”. This is my first in a series of articles for iParentSingle in which i will navigate the subject of Women, Men, Their Money, and installing a fiscal gpS. We plan to visit all points of the money map. So, no matter where you are starting, we will help you get to your destination. as a single parent, money is often the largest uncertainty. it may seem early in our relationship to ask for a favor but here it goes: invest the time to read this article. We want to eMPoWer moms and dads in their lives and the lives of their children. as a working mother of a sixth grader, i know that in real life there is very little time left for oneself. So, i fear you may not feel like you have time to take this trip with us. There have
50
been nights when i’ve tried to catch up on “my stuff” and my book or magazine ends up a blanket on my lap. But, trust me, this trip is worth staying awake a bit longer.
tools: 1) a calculator, 2) a file folder with tabs to help stay organized, and 3) the personal Balance Sheet, which you can find on www.iParentSingle.com.
i’m finding that in times like today, people are feeling like their finances are spiraling out of control. iParentSingle will be a great roadmap for you in many areas of your financial life. We encounter many hazards and roadblocks in our financial lives and that is why i will have action items in each article. a successful trip has many twists and turns but the journey with a gPS provides us with a step-by-step plan. Set a reasonable course from where you’re starting and if you can’t get to the action items all at once, write them down, tack them on the frig, and tackle one per week.
There are a total of 5 action items: (1) complete your asset profile; (2) list liabilities, (3) pay yourself; (4) find a trustworthy advisor and (5) create or amend your Will. in this issue we will tackle the first two: What’s coming in (your earnings and assets) and what’s going out (your liabilities)!
Let me share some of my reality. in my past, i’ve been broke and couldn’t pay my rent; i’ve had to borrow money from my parents; i’ve held 3 jobs at one time and still could only afford peanut butter and green beans. And, oh yeah, divorced too. this is not to say “been there, done that,” but i’ve had my share. things changed when i made the choice to geT STarTeD with the life i wanted. ask yourself, if not noW, When? Today we start at the beginning: get a clear view of what money is coming in, what is going out, and what is left to SaVe. You get these answers by completing a Personal Balance Sheet. Sounds like a big task, but we are going to break it down to small, easy steps. You’ll need to have the right iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
August 2017
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
Let’s get started
ACTION ITEM #1: KNOW ALL THAT’S COMING IN. You accomplish this by
completing The Asset Profile section. gather your most recent statements, bills and checkbook. The form directs you to list the balances in your checking, CD’s and savings accounts. By the way, have you opened new accounts in your name? Most banks do not allow a name to be deleted on an existing account. after you’ve opened the new account, you should think about what would happen to the money if something happens to you, so talk to your banker about adding a payable on Death (poD) designation. a PoD account leaves you exclusively in control of your money during your lifetime, but upon death passes automatically to the named beneficiaries. Here are some tips to
August 2017
increase what is coming in by decreasing what is going out! a) Your phone bill: Do you need a home phone? Many people are replacing their land lines with their cell phones. Call your provider and see if there are ways to lower your monthly bill. Do you have a wireless internet card and an internet connection? Do you need both? There are many levels of internet plans some of the lower priced plans are slower but much cheaper. b) energy bills: Make sure you’re doing full loads of laundry and cleaning the dryer lint filter to save energy. remember what our mom’s used to say, “turn off those lights”! When replacing your light bulbs try the new energy efficient ones. according to the website www. eartheasy.com, the new bulbs (CFLs) are four times more efficient and last 10 times longer. They’re more expensive upfront but save money over its lifetime. replacing your air conditioner filter will make the unit more efficient and last longer. Some of the filters can actually be washed and placed back in the unit. Did you know you can turn down the temperature on your water heater? Also make sure that the unit is insulated. These are all great tips to prolong the life of your appliances and lower your bills. c) Monthly living expenses: if you have a mortgage it may be time to check into whether you can lower your interest rate. as a general rule, when rates are 1-2% lower than your current rate it is
a good time to refinance and rates are at historic lows. if your rent is draining most of your income, consider finding a Continued on page 58 51
iMom
iGp
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HOW TO START speaking your child’s language
Crack the Txt’g Code in your child’s phone: We’ve covered some basics to lay down a foundation for you to begin. First of all parents Crack the Txt’g Code in your child’s phone: We’ve covered some basics to lay down a foundation for you to begin. First of all parents and grandparents, text messaging has to be abbreviated to be easy to use. Kids and teachers have contests all the time on who is the and grandparents, text messaging has to be abbreviated to be easy to use. Kids and teachers have contests all the time on who is the fastest! So there is a sort of status to speed, if you will. it’s just the new way to communicate not only quickly but secretly as well. fastest! So there is a sort of status to speed, if you will. it’s just the new way to communicate not only quickly but secretly as well. Very often kids have learned to abbreviate words into a Very often kids have learned to abbreviate words into a letter or number. See the two common examples: letter or number. See the two common examples: “8”= “Y” “8”= “ate” “ate” “Y” =” =” why” why” Symbols are quite “hip” with the kids as well. Symbols are quite “hip” with the kids as well. :-) == smiling (i think we all know that one). smiling (i think we all know that one). :-)
This is just a few of the many definitions that we will provide for you in the issues to come.
They use symbols often to set the tone of a message so They use symbols often to set the tone of a message so that there isn’t a miscommunication on the other end. that there isn’t a miscommunication on the other end. Makes Makes sense, sense, doesn’t doesn’t it. it. Acronyms Acronyms have have been been created created for fast “hello’s” and “goodbye’s”. for fast “hello’s” and “goodbye’s”.
TTYL = talk to you later GGB = gotta go, bye BRB = be right back CTRN = can’t talk right now WSuP = what is going on? WRu = where are you? RuOK = are you ok?
More text messaging lingo help There are a number of ways to learn more about text messaging lingo, symbols, and There are a number of ways to learn more about text messaging lingo, symbols, and abbreviations via sites online. abbreviations via sites online. Resources: Resources: Transl8it.com Transl8it.com Common Common acronyms acronyms and and abbreviations. abbreviations.
the new
Davinci Davinci coDe coDe
the new
Put down your blackberry’s parents and sit down and read this article to learn more Put down your blackberry’s parents and sit smartphone about yourand kids. grandparents, down read this article to you learn need more to read this too! High text messaging bills? about your kids. grandparents, you need Can to read this too! High text messaging bills? translate what your kids are texting Can translate what your kids are texting about? ready to learn a new language? about? ready to learn a new language? if you’ve read the book or seen the movie if you’ve read the book or seen the movie the Davinci Code, you may feel like that is the Davinci Code, you may feel like that is just how you feel about the mystery of your just how you feel about the mystery of your child’s phone and what they are saying. child’s phone and what they are saying. They are in their room quietly but if you They are in their room quietly but if you walk by s-l-o-w-l-y you’ll be able to hear the walk by s-l-o-w-l-y you’ll be able to hear the rapid little ticking of cell keys. Most parents rapid little ticking of cell keys. Most parents see technology as as a benefit to to their see technology a benefit their lives lives and especially having cellcell phones that and especially having phones thatthey they their kids, coordinatepick-up’s pick-up’s can can tracktrack their kids, coordinate and drop-off’s and the list goes on and on. and drop-off’s and the list goes on and on. However… However… 52
52
TexT Messaging
lovetoknow.com lovetoknow.com Common symbols symbols and Common and acronyms. acronyms.
decoding so you can protect your tweens and teens.
Webopedia.com Webopedia.com Source Source for for lingo. lingo.
decoding so you can protect your tweens and teens. TexT Messaging
2) How can i check their phones without invading their their privacy? 2) How can i check phones without 3) Should i check their phone and should i invading their privacy? tell them? 3) Should i check their phone and should i tell them? good question and we have some answers These are some good questions and every good question and we have some answers parent will have a different style. However, for you. You probably wonder what your These are some good questions and every parent will have a different style. However, for you. You probably wonder what your kids are talking about as they display facial in this day and age, one can’t be too proday and age,careful one can’t be all toothe pro-access kids are talking about as they display facial in this tective or too with gestures and giggle and type away furiously tective or too careful with all the access gestures and giggle and type away furiously predators have into kids lives and other to try to get to the right letter or number! to try to get to the right letter or number! predators have into kids lives and other Well, good luck. our tweens and teens have kids that are in a challenging environment Well, good luck. our tweens and teens have kids that are in a challenging environment developed a new language for the 21st cen- just looking for “innocent minds”. in each developed a new language for the 21st cen- just looking for “innocent minds”. in each tury called text messaging. if you’ve got cell issue we’ll share with you some key words tury called text messaging. if you’ve got cell issue we’ll share with you some key words phones, it’s part of your world whether you that you should know and keep track of to phones, it’s part of your world whether you that you should know and keep track of to like it or not. protect your like it or not. protect your kids kids from from each each other, other, preda-predators potentially hazardous situations. tors and and potentially hazardous situations. The 33 key key questions are: The questionsyou youmay mayhave have are: This will help you be a pro-active parent inThis will help you be a pro-active parent in1) aare re my kids can i keep 1) kids safe safe and and how how can i keep stead of learning of situations before they stead of learning of situations before they them safe from harm? get out of hand. them safe from harm? get out of hand.
Editor’s Choice
Best SAFE Phone
www.kajeet.com
Transclick.com Transclick.com Text messages messages in in other Text other languages, translations. translations. languages,
What are they “ are they talking “What about...?
””
talking about...?
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
iParentSingle.com | June
August 2017
July
August 2017
Internet Internet Protect Protect Your Your Kids Kids by by Stephen Stephen Arterburn Arterburn & & Roger Roger Marsh Marsh Thomas Thomas Nelson Nelson
WSuP? WSuP? by by DK DK Publishing Publishing
iParentSingle.com June July iParentSingle.com || Fall June2017 July
August August 2017 2017
Speak Speak to to Me: Me: Great Great American American Texts Texts Demystified Demystified for for Todays Todays Text-Messaging Text-Messaging Students Students by by Randy Randy Howe Howe
Text Text Messaging: Messaging: Reading Reading and and Writing Writing About About Popular Popular Culture Culture by by John John Albert Albert
Text Text Messaging Messaging Survival Survival Guide Guide by by Evie Evie Shoeman Shoeman Jack Jack Shoeman Shoeman
53 53
Whole Food Truth
the body simply does not assimilate the nutrients as effectively once they have been extracted from their whole food source. there are also micronutrients present in whole food that are important. Think of it like a house of cards. The connected cards work together to create a structure. When one card is removed the entire structure falls apart. Like the cards, all the elements in whole food work together, like nature intended, to create a structured result. You can save yourself a lot of money by forgoing the vitamin pills and simply eating more whole grains, fruits and vegetables. But what’s a parent to do when the kids are not eating enough good food? The daily vitamins are meant to be insurance; something to fill in the gaps. However, many people make the mistake of thinking that vitamins are a replacement for proper eating, but they are not. it turns out, like with most ev-
Survive & Thrive
Living With Children
from page 40
erything else, there is no “quick fix” to poor nutrition. The trick is, of course, to sneak more whole grains, fruits and vegetables into kids throughout the day. it would be great if we all had time to spend on the USDa food pyramid website (www.mypyramid.gov). There is a lot of useful information there, such as sample daily menus based on calories per day. However, it is a 3) lot to digest (no pun intended). You can make progress by starting with some simple guidelines:
Don’t skip breakfast. it not only im-
pacts physical health, but school performance. Start the day with fiber and protein. Whole grain breakfast cereals, whole grain toaster waffles, yogurt and fruit are all convenient choices.
1) Introduce healthy whole foods to children as young as possible before their taste buds are compromised by in future columns we will deal with specific too much fat, sugar and salt found in topics and suggestions to help you provide many processed foods. the best nutrition for your children, both conveniently and cost effectively… stay 2) Stay away from fast food kids meals. tuned! this may be easier said than done, but
from page 21
than to the present, or that your reactions and feelings seem a lot more intense than the current situation warrants, it might be time to talk with a therapist to see if the past is interfering with living life fully in the thriving also requires taking risks and being present. willing to fail. obviously the odds should be well calculated and you should have a real- For example, if your son refuses to drink his istic chance of success. if you go out in the milk then spills it, apparently on purpose; rain without a raincoat, hoping to stay dry you’ll probably be pretty annoyed. Howby skittering between the raindrops, fail- ever, if you find yourself angry beyond beure (and getting soaked!) is inevitable. The lief and screaming at him at the top of your same principle holds for interactions with lungs, it might be helpful to take a look at others. one needs to weigh the odds and what is going on for you. Maybe you had a assess the risks and benefits and then take hard day and over-reacted because of that. the plunge if it makes sense. Some chances Maybe that was the last of the milk and you are not good ones to take. But others, like can’t get out again tonight to have some for reaching out to another single mom you’ve morning. if so, things can probably be pretrun into a couple of times at that soccer ty easily remedied with a rag and a quick game and inviting her to have a cup of cof- apology and explanation. fee, have a good chance of paying off. But if you notice that you react like this Third, be as good to yourself as you are to over and over again at mealtimes, it would your children. Chances are you go out of be worth trying to figure out what you asyour way to be patient with your children sociate with this situation from your own and to give them the benefit of a doubt life. Perhaps there are unresolved issues most of the time. Try to exercise the same around food and eating from your expericompassion and patience with yourself. ences growing up. if so, thriving might rethis may sound impossible, but it can be quire getting some help to sort things out. done. First, try to figure out exactly what it might also make it a whole lot easier not you are feeling and what you might be able to get overly upset in a variety of situations to link those feelings to in the present and that, unwittingly, trigger your own unfinin the past. if you notice over time that a lot ished business. Chances are you would not of your feelings are more tied to the past ignore this kind of thing in your child. You
you had. Your life will be richer and your children’s lives better if you bring your whole self, body and spirit, to your activities and interactions.
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consider that children ages four to eight should have no more than about 430 calories per meal, yet the average kids meal at a fast food restaurant is about 900 calories. if you must drive through, ask for the apple slices instead of the fries and skim milk rather than soda or juice.
deserve the same kind of loving attention. Striving to treat yourself as well as you try to treat your children will be challenging and may sound silly, but in the end, it will benefit you and your family.
About Cheryl Rubenstein Cheryl S. rubenstein, phD is a psychologist in private practice in annapolis and Severna Park. Her specialties include women’s mental health, pregnancy and post-partum issues, and mood, anxiety, and eating disorders. To help women and their families adjust to the joys and challenges of life, she offers individual, group, couple’s and family psychotherapy. She would welcome your comments and questions at the number below or at csrubenstein@gmail.com
from page 18
Reviews of four exceptional parenting books i rarely review books in this column because every time i do, i begin receiving numerous unwanted solicitations from not just book publishers but manufacturers of various and sundry products to make parenting even more expensive than it is already. nonetheless, every policy has its exceptions. in this case, i’m making four exceptions on behalf of four exceptional books. First on my list is Dr. Kevin Leman’s newest, Have a new Kid by Friday (revell, $17.99). Leman is known for being a veritable fountain of down-to-earth, commonsense parenting wisdom as well as his sometimes mischievous wit, and he does not disappoint on either count in this, his latest tome. The subtitle, How to Change Your Child’s attitude, Behavior, and Character in 5 Days, might provoke skepticism, but Leman delivers in spades. His five-day game plan for restoring your authority and taking back your family is nothing short of a blueprint for effective parenting. Parenting is not rocket science, and Leman is one of less than a handful of experts who actually succeed in reducing it to the simple exercise in leadership that it is. after laying out his five-day rehab program, which is actually about rehabbing yourselves more than it is about your kids, leman spends more than 150 pages addressing every conceivable parenting issue from potty training to tattoos and body piercings. You’ll enjoy reading this, and if you do what he says, it will be transformational. For more information, go to lemanbooksandvideos.com. Then there’s Confident Parenting (Bethany House) by Jim Burns, host of the HomeWord radio show. i’ve had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Burns, and can attest that he walks his talk. The book is faith-based, but i can also assure that Burns’ practical,
been-there-done-that advice will appeal to even the most secular of hearts. Written in a relaxed and conversational style and full of engaging anecdotes, it should take even a slow reader no more than an afternoon to digest. Burns begins by talking about breaking generational chains of dysfunction, and then moves into the realms of effective parent-child communication (the best misbehavior preventive there is), discipline, boundary-setting, and finally, creating a family atmosphere that provides a sense of safe haven for all concerned. if there’s one word i’d give to this book, the word is inspirational. next on my list is internet protect Your Kids (thomas nelson, $13.99) by Stephen Arterburn and roger Marsh. if i was Supreme Commander of american Parenting, i would require that every parent read and pass a test on this book. as regular readers of this column know, i am more than alarmed at the dangers potential to allowing a child, even one who has a drivers license, to surf the internet unsupervised. i cannot tell you how many times i’ve heard horror stories of good kids gone really bad due to involvement with unhealthy aspects of the information highway. Predators, pornography, the lure of instant fame through sites like YouTube, the debilitating addiction of online gaming—this book covers them all and more. after educating parents as to the shocking facts about the internet’s dark side, Arterburn and Marsh provide parents with workable strategies for minimizing if not eliminating the dangers and maximizing the internet’s potential benefits. Last but not least, there’s Munro Leaf’s How to Behave and Why (universe, $14.95), a charming and instructive little book on fundamental courtesies for parents to read to their preschoolers. This is actually one of a series—including Manners Can Be fun and How to Speak Politely and Why—that Leaf wrote in the 1930s and ‘40s. although written when today’s great-grandparents
August 2017
About John Rosemond John is America’s most popular speaker on parenting issues. During a typical speaking “year” (approximately 8 months), John delivers more than 200 presentations to parent, teacher, and professional groups. His talks are provocative, educational, empowering, and perhaps best of all, entertaining. John promises that his audiences will laugh…a lot. a family psychologist by license, John is careful to point out that “i do not believe in psychology. a number of years ago, i began to realize that psychology is a secular religion that one believes in by faith. i lost my faith in psychology as i gained a True and Lasting Faith.” John’s nationally-syndicated parenting column appears weekly in more than 200 papers nationwide, including the Miami Herald, Charlotte observer, Pittsburgh Post-gazette, Hartford Courant, omaha World-Herald, atlanta Journal-Constitution, raleigh news and observer, albuquerque Journal, San Diego union, and Honolulu advertiser. it is read by an estimated 10 million people. The author of ten best-selling books on parenting and family issues, John is currently in the process of writing four more, including “one that will liberate parents from the psychobabble surrounding toilet training, babble that has transformed something simple and straightforward into something stressful and complicated.” John’s other books include A family of Value, Because i Said So! and John rosemond’s Six-Point Plan for raising happy, healthy Children. “all that aside,” John says, with a smile, “my real qualifications are that i have been married to the same wonderful woman, Willie, for 37 years—a rich marriage that has produced two children and six grandchildren, all of whom are well-behaved, thank you.”
Cheryl S. rubenstein, phD 301-461-1717 104-A Annapolis Street, Annapolis, MD.
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
were kids, the lessons are timeless as well as written in a style that children of any generation will enjoy. as Supreme Parenting Commander in my own mind, i insist that all parents of preschoolers buy this book (preferably all three, actually) and read them, over and over again, to their kids. Doing so would do much to improve the general state of civility, which always begins in the home.
iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
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• WHo will you be with? • WHaT will you be doing? • WHere will you be? • WHen will you be back? • HoW will you get there? • CaLL if for any reason you are not comfortable with a situation. Parents and teens can have a special code so that the parent looks like the bad guy!
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Believe in yourself, your children and a good life...®
your
• no Drinking alcohol • no Drugging • no Driving while Drinking or Drugging • no Speeding • always Wear a Seatbelt • Limit the number of Teens in a Car • no Cell Phone Use or Text Messaging While Driving • no Unsupervised Parties
Twenty-six years later, PeP offers positive parenting education to approximately 1,500 parents annually in locations throughout Montgomery County, and northern virginia, including in its office in Kensington, MD. While much has changed in the area of parenting over that time, PeP continues to adapt its curriculum to include the latest research regarding child development and parenting techniques and to identify trends and needs for additional workshops.
Belie
yours elf,
let your teen know your values and expectations:
Wendie Lubic first came to PeP in the early ‘90s, when she found herself a divorced mother of two young daughters who felt like she had no control over her world and no time to gain that control. “PeP not only saved my life, it perhaps saved the lives of my daughters,” Lubic says. Lubic went on to take every class PeP has to offer and now teaches classes herself as one of PeP’s Certified Parent educators. “each session, i see parents walk in with the weight of the world on their shoulders feeling like they are at the end of their parenting rope,” lubic says. “But as the classes end, i love hearing how they have begun to enjoy their family life again and to see them walk out feeling encouraged and empowered.”
INKIN
HOW
01
What’s a Parent to do???
from page 39
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paramedics arrived, they found Corey, unresponsive, face down in the dirt. He was quickly assessed and was airlifted to Shock Trauma in Baltimore. alcohol was a factor in the crash. For more on this story, you can click on WBaL’s website, www. wbaltv.com. This site also offers links to other prevention websites to educate parents and teenagers. Parents can have a huge influence on their children. Communication is the key. Strike up a conversation with your child and really listen to him or her. parents should set boundaries for their children and let them know what behaviors are expected. parents should be good role models for their kids. Parents should also make an effort to know their children’s friends and their parents. Below is a checklist of suggested questions a parent can ask their children.
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programs. the programs target children, adolescents and adults. topics covered include seatbelt, bicycle and school bus safety, violence prevention (both domestic and street-initiated), drug and alcohol reduction strategies and sports injury prevention. a prevention education program was developed by shock trauma nurses to educate teenagers about the dangers of drinking, driving and drugging. The program was developed in 1980 and continues today. This program serves as a model for other healthcare organizations. in FY ‘07, 918 teens, between the ages 14 – 19 were treated at the Shock Trauma Center. of these 918 teens, 422 were admitted due to involvement in a motor vehicle crash (MVC). nine of the 422 teens died. Teenagers, by nature, feel that they are invincible and nothing will ever happen to them. WBAl tv aired a story on this same issue. The story follows one teenager, Corey ragan, an unbelted back seat passenger who was ejected 25 ft. When
page
You’re Not Alone
from page 35
The
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iKids
Did you Know Hello, everybody, My name is Chester Raccoon.
Being a more effective, consistent, active, and attentive parent is a choice that only you can make. Enjoy your adventure.
I live with my mother Mrs. Raccoon, who gives me a Kissing Hand every time I leave the hollow. I also live with my little brother Ronny who’s a pest, but I like him anyway. He gets a Kissing Hand, too! I can’t wait to meet you and hear from you.
I love making new friends!
- NICHD The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development
iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
August 2017
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
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57
.D
Dyslexia
Financial GPS from page 51
from page 48
cheaper place or by taking on a roommate to share the expenses.
ACTION ITEM #2: FIND OuT WHAT IS GOING OuT THE DOOR.
Many children have unusual patterns of language development; how do you know when you should seek advice? The answer is ‘degree and frequency.’ all children sometimes confuse the way words sound, but does your child need coaching repeatedly, and does he still make the same mistakes? Does this happen with many words, much of the day, not just with a few ‘cute’ mistrials. Will he outgrow these idiosyncrasies? iF the answer is that many words, much of the time, are mispronounced, your school system can assess children as young as 18 months old through their early childhood intervention program. a speech pathologist will do an appropriate assessment of your child’s language, and, if the degree of need or frequency is outside the norm, the system will recommend speech therapy or language development training. And there is no cost. the system will write an educational program to guide the treatment, and assessments will be repeated after a period of time to measure growth and progress.
which comes from the words ‘dys’ meaning difficulty, and ‘lexia’ meaning words, occurs because the language center of a child’s brain processes words, letters, and sounds differently than other children. Such learners need to be taught to read a different way, with experts who know how to teach the proper strategies and techniques. An early language problem remedied leaves more space for reading correction if a child is not making the connections between letters, sounds, and words automatically. Many parents i have advised instinctively knew their own child was frustrated with early learning experiences, but the teacher may have said: ‘he’s a boy,’ he’ll grow out of it,’ or it’s too early to tell. Yet the parent “knew” because you have so much data about your child, that the level of frustration was not within the norm. Finally you seek professional help, and learn what can be done to help your child. that is the point; if you have unanswered questions, advocate for yourself. advocate for your child. Trust your instincts. and take pride in your efforts. early intervention is key when the brain is more available and malleable. By seeking answers to your questions, you will help your child develop appropriate strategies.
So, why is it important to intervene when a child is so young? Why not wait to see if he outgrows this? Because early symptoms of language delay can be corrected, which will help your child when he moves to the next stage of language development, or reading, which begins with knowing the NExT ARTICLE; Early alphabet, saying the sounds that letters intervention was not make, recognizing words, understanding necessary, but my child stories. The science of learning has shown, is frustrated in school; through research studies with hundreds now what? and hundreds of children, that early language delays could be a first sign of a Jane Snyder, PH.D, reading disability, like dyslexia. Dyslexia, Founder of The Summit School Edgewater, MD.
58
Complete the Liabilities section by using your bills and checkbook. here’s an important tip. Did you know, “Paying on time” represents 35% of your credit score? So, do your best to pay bills on time. i know this is sometimes easier said than done. But, since interest rates on credit cards amounts to highway robbery, it makes sense to try and pay them off first. Credit has become a way of life for many. My wisest clients have taught me that one of the reasons for their financial success was they never spent what they didn’t have. So ask yourself, do you neeD it or WAnt it? it is hard to say no to your children especially when they may be torn between two families and you want to comfort them with stuff. Stuff wears out, fades out or sits in a corner. Valuable family time gives us long lasting memories. i often wonder how i can help make the world a better place. Pay it Forward was the title of a movie in 2000, and this story affected me. The expression is used to describe the concept of “paying” a debt forward by lending it to a third person instead of paying it back to the original person owed. Sherree rogers (editor-inChief) through her dream of iParentSingle has given me my opportunity to “pay it forward” by sharing my experience. i have guided many people through each stage of their journey, and i look forward to being there for you. Would you like an opportunity to “pay it forward?” Send me your story via our website www. iParentSingle.com so that we can share them with our moms.
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in our next issue we will address the next 3 action items; (3) pay yourself; (4) finding a trustworthy advisor and (5) create or amend your Will. You can’t get where you’re going without knowing where you have been. See you on our next trip! Jacalyn Murray is vice president and Senior investment Consultant with Suntrust investment Services in glen Burnie, MD. She is a Charter retirement Planning Counselor (CrPC), member of the national ethics Bureau and an active finrA arbitrator.
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
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Is your child afraid of the dark? Why doesn’t timeout work? If you have questions like these about the physical, emotional and educational development of your child, the Parenting Center at AACC provides quality education to parents and professionals. For information or to subscribe to a free monthly e-zine packed with parenting tips, timely articles and resource links, contact us. Students First.
• Festival at Riva • 2341-O Forest Drive Annapolis, MD 21401 410•897•9310 www.pigtailsandcrewcuts.com iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
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consider that children ages four to eight should have no more than about 430 calories per meal, yet the average kids meal at a fast food restaurant is about 900 calories. if you must drive through, ask for the apple slices instead of the fries and skim milk rather than soda or juice.
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• Festival at Riva • 2341-O Forest Drive Annapolis, MD 21401 Cheryl410•897•9310 S. rubenstein, phD 301-461-1717
2017
page 38
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tHe aCt August 2017
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Dating & love 54 62
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page 12 FaSt, page 12
no. 01
Cheryl S. rubenstein, phD is a psychologist in private practice in annapolis and Severna Park. Her specialties include women’s mental health, pregnancy and post-partum issues, and mood, anxiety, and eating disorders. To help women and their families adjust to the joys and challenges of life, she offers individual, group, couple’s and family psychotherapy. She would welcome your comments and questions at the number below or at csrubenstein@gmail.com
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2017
About Cheryl Rubenstein
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deserve the same kind of loving attention. Striving to treat yourself as well as you try to treat your children will be challenging and may sound silly, but in the end, it will benefit you and your family.
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than to the present, or that your reactions and feelings seem a lot more intense than the current situation warrants, it might be time to talk with a therapist to see if the past is interfering with living life fully in the thriving also requires taking risks and being present. willing to fail. obviously the odds should be well calculated and you should have a real- For example, if your son refuses to drink his istic chance of success. if you go out in the milk then spills it, apparently on purpose; rain without a raincoat, hoping to stay dry you’ll probably be pretty annoyed. Howby skittering between the raindrops, fail- ever, if you find yourself angry beyond beure (and getting soaked!) is inevitable. The lief and screaming at him at the top of your same principle holds for interactions with lungs, it might be helpful to take a look at others. one needs to weigh the odds and what is going on for you. Maybe you had a assess the risks and benefits and then take hard day and over-reacted because of that. the plunge if it makes sense. Some chances Maybe that was the last of the milk and you are not good ones to take. But others, like can’t get out again tonight to have some for reaching out to another single mom you’ve morning. if so, things can probably be pretrun into a couple of times at that soccer ty easily remedied with a rag and a quick game and inviting her to have a cup of cof- apology and explanation. fee, have a good chance of paying off. But if you notice that you react like this Third, be as good to yourself as you are to over and over again at mealtimes, it would your children. Chances are you go out of be worth trying to figure out what you asyour way to be patient with your children sociate with this situation from your own and to give them the benefit of a doubt life. Perhaps there are unresolved issues most of the time. Try to exercise the same around food and eating from your expericompassion and Receive patience with yourself. ences growing up. if so, thriving might re10% off of any Clever Clip™ product. Online promo code: isingle this may sound impossible, Sold butatitstores: canSplitbeEnds Salon quire getting some help to sort things out. • bb Bistro done. First, try to figure out exactly what it might also make it a whole lot easier not you are feeling and what you might be able Copyright 2008, R. Taylor Patent Pending Clever to get overly upset in a variety of situations Clip is a trademark “All Rights Reserved” to link those feelings to in the present and that, unwittingly, trigger your own unfinin the past. if you notice over time that a lot ished business. Chances are you would not of your feelings are more tied to the past ignore this kind of thing in your child. You
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3) Don’t skip breakfast. it not only impacts physical health, but school performance. Start the day with fiber and protein. Whole grain breakfast cereals, whole grain toaster waffles, yogurt and fruit are all convenient choices.
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the body simply does not assimilate the nu- erything else, there is no “quick fix” to poor trients as effectively once they have been nutrition. The trick is, of course, to sneak extracted from their whole food source. more whole grains, fruits and vegetables there are also micronutrients present in into kids throughout the day. it would be whole food that are important. Think of it great if we all had time to spend on the like a house of cards. The connected cards USDa food pyramid website (www.mypyrawork together to create a structure. When mid.gov). There is a lot of useful informaone card is removed the entire structure tion there, such as sample daily menus falls apart. Like the cards, all the elements based on calories per day. However, it is a in whole food work together, like nature in- lot to digest (no pun intended). The Firsta structured result. You tended, to create can save yourself a lot of money by forgo- You can make progress by starting with Hair Clip to Hold The some simple guidelines: ing the vitamin pills and simply eating more whole grains, fruits and Or vegetables. Thickest, Curliest ThinnestBut Hair!1) Introduce healthy whole foods to what’s a parent to do when the kids are not Guaranteed Or Your Money Back! children as young as possible before eating enough good food? The daily vitatheir taste buds are compromised by mins are meant to be insurance; something too much fat, sugar and salt found in to fill in the gaps. However, many people many processed foods. make the mistake of thinking that vitamins are a replacement for proper eating, but 2) Stay away from fast food kids meals. this may be easier said than done, but they are not. it turns out, like with most ev-
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23 A Civilized 23 ADivorce Civilized Divorce 25 Relationship 25 Relationship Rescue 101 Rescue 34101DUI’s34 & Texting DUI’s & Texting Nancy Weller, Nancy Esquire Weller, Esquire
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37 You Are 37Not YouAlone Are Not Alone 38 Fiscal38 GPSFiscal GPS PEP
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44 ADHD44 & Dyslexia ADHD & Dyslexia Jane Snyder,Jane Ph.dSnyder, Ph.d
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EVERY ISSuE 5 iDad Your icon driven,
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lEGal 23 A Civilized Divorce
Co-Parenting guide and how it works for you and your family.
iThink My son, Christopher, is my inspiration every day and so are you!
come naturally? Learn the 4 C’s on how it can work for you. By PeP (Parenting Encouragement Program – Silver Spring, Md)
Is it really possible? Learn each issue how to set up an agreement that actually makes CO-PaRENTING possible. By Nancy Weller, Esquire
Co-ParenTing 12 DHR Child Support for
maryland single parents only Did you know? DHr Child
17
You Are Not Alone Does parenting
NuTRITION 32 Stacey’s Snack Attacks
Support has launched a program as of January 2013 that makes paying your child support trackable and uncomplicated.
47
Smile for Your Dentist Your smile says everything about your health and your decisions when you care for your body. Your kids deserve a head start with healthy teeth and gums. By John Cutting, DMD
RElaTIONShIPS 27 Are you Ready to Date Again? Sometimes it is hard to find true love but you have to start somewhere. relationships and sexuality expert Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D tells how.
delicious granola, fun treats just for you and your kids! Cut out and start saving for great ideas later! By Stacey Jackowski
Ask Doreen
does your child have potty mouth? What to do! By doreen Campbell, M.S., CflE
hEalTh 44 ADHD & Dyslexia 46
Start your child on a road to learning and evolving in today’s competitive world. By Jane Snyder, Ph.D, The Summit School, Md.
Childhood Diabetes new information and updates you should know for your child. By dr. fran Cogan, CNMC
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iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D
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Feature
Icon Key
STORIES
Benjamin Mee bought a Zoo with his wife and then she died. Ben shares his grief, his new life with exotic animals and how he’s doing it all as a single father. “Be passionate about what you do and never give up,” Ben says. -Editor
Interview 28
with Benjamin Mee
By Victoria Duncan
It’s 2017 and the only thing a single parent doesn’t have is plenty of extra TIME!
The single parent family: iMom, iDad, iGrandparent, iStepparent, iKids and iTeens. When there is an article that is helpful to more than just you, the parent, we have added the other family member’s icons to the articles so that you can share this The colorful icons, shown on the top right information and learn together. hand side of this page, were designed as a guide to help you seek and find the on our website, look for your icon iDad information we know you need as fast as and just click and go. possible. They will help you on our website, your phone and the magazine. www.iParentSingle.com
question g i B What’s the best way to help a single dad?
= Single dad, you
iMom
= Single Mom
iGp
iTeen
= Grand Parent = iTeens
iSp
= Step-Parent
iKids
= iKids
answer
outcome
educate the mother of his children and help the kids too!
Co-Parenting that grows happy and healthy kids!
I think we should CO-PARENT for the sake of the kids. I’m tired of all the fighting and the kids are really struggling with the divorce.
e h t n i t h Caug
Act
how it works
iDad
iDad
You’re into the passion; so far the dinner is going well. You decide to take her home and ask her to be as quiet as possible and then… one of your kids opens your bedroom door and says…dad, i’m thirsty. Dad, WHo iS THaT!?
40 I agree. We should CO-PARENT for the kids. Just flip the magazine over to iMom. The iMom side is just for you and the kids. 4
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iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
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T HE T HE THE HE
C IVILIZE C IVILIZE T HE T HE CIVILIZE IVILIZE T HE T HE C IVILIZED C IVILIZED D IVORC D IVORC C IVILIZED C IVILIZED DDDDIVILIZED IVORC IVORC IVORCE IVORCE DIVORCE IVORCE DIVORCE
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C IVILIZED C IVILIZED CIVILIZED IVILIZED T HE T HE D IVORCE D IVORCE T HE HE D IVORCE IVORCE C IVILIZED C IVILIZED CIVILIZED IVILIZED IVORCE DIVORCE IVORCE D D IVORCE ® ® ® Believe in yourself, your children and a good life... Believe in yourself, your children and a good life...
PUblISheR/ eDIToR-IN-ChIef
Sherree l. rogers
PUblISheR/ eDIToR-IN-ChIef PUblISHER/ EDIToR-In-CHIEf Sherree Sherree l. Rogers Believe in yourself, your children andl.arogers good life...® sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com sherreerogers@iParentSingle.com sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com ®® Believe in in yourself, yourself, your children Believe children and andaagood goodlife... life... PUblISheR/ eDIToR-IN-ChIef Sherree l. rogers ASSISTANT EDITOR Kate eisenbeiser ASSISTANT EDIToR Eisenbeiser ASSISTANT EDITOR KateKate eisenbeiser sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com PUblISHER/ Sherree PUblISheR/ EDIToR-In-CHIEf eDIToR-IN-ChIef Sherreel.l.Rogers rogers sherreerogers@iParentSingle.com sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com Alan Sciulli, Frank Bert´e PRODuCTION Sciulli PRoDuCTIoN alan Sciulli PRODuCTION Alan Sciulli ASSISTANT EDITOR Kate eisenbeiser
ASSISTANT Kate ASSISTANTEDIToR EDITOR KateEisenbeiser eisenbeiser DHr Child Support enforcement administration, CONTRIBuTORS CoNTRIBuToRSAlan DHr Child Support enforcement administration, PRODuCTION Sciulli Maryland Maryland PRoDuCTIoN alan PRODuCTION AlanSciulli Sciulli nancy Weller, esquire Nancy Weller, Esquire CONTRIBuTORS DHr Child Support enforcement administration, laurent Amzallag CoNTRIBuToRS DHr Child Support enforcement administration, Laurent amzallag Maryland laurent Amzallag CONTRIBuTORS DHr Child Support enforcement administration, Dr. dr. fran Cogan, CnMC Maryland nancy Weller, esquire fran Cogan, CNMC Maryland Nancy Weller, Esquire Jacalyn Murray laurent Amzallag Jacalyn Murray nancy Weller, esquire Laurent amzallag place, M.S., Cfle Dr.Candace fran Cogan, CnMC Candace Place, M.S., CflE laurent Amzallag dr. Cogan, CNMC ph.D Cheryl rubenstein, Jacalyn Murray Cheryl Rubenstein, Ph.d Cheryl rubenstein, Dr.fran fran Cogan, CnMC ph.D Jacalyn Murray Candace place, M.S., Cfle Doreen Campbell, M.S., Cfle doreen Campbell, M.S., CflE Jacalyn Murray Candace Place, M.S.,ph.D CflE Cheryl rubenstein, victoria Duncan Victoria duncan Candace place, M.S., Cfle Cheryl Rubenstein, Doreen Campbell, Ph.d M.S., Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D Cheryl rubenstein, ph.D Cfle doreen CflE victoriaCampbell, Duncan M.S., Doreen Campbell, M.S., Cfle Victoria duncan Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D SHOCK TRAuMA BALTIMORE, MDMD Beverly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP victoria Duncan SHoCk TRAUMA bAlTIMoRE, Beverly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D PuBLIC RELATIONS OFFICE Cynthia rivers PuBLIC RELATIoNS oFFICEPepper Schwartz, Ph.D Cynthia Rivers SHOCK TRAuMA BALTIMORE, MD Beverly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP SHoCk PuBLIC TRAUMA bAlTIMoRE, MD BCynthia everly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP RELATIONS OFFICE rivers Denise l. Devine SHOCK TRAuMA BALTIMORE, MD Beverly Dearing, Prevention Coordinator, rn, MSn, CPP PuBLIC RELATIoNS oFFICE Cynthiadenise Rivers l. devine PuBLIC RELATIONS OFFICE Cynthia rivers Parenting encouragement Program, PeP, MD Parenting encouragement Program, PeP, MD Denise l. Devine Stacey Jackowski Stacey Jackowski denise l. devine Parenting encouragement Program, PeP, MD Denise l. Devine Jane eirhart Jane Eirhart Jane eirhart Parenting encouragement Program, PeP, MD Stacey Jackowski Parenting encouragement Program, PeP, MD Dr. John M. Cutting, DMD Dr. John M. Cutting, DMD Stacey Jackowski Jane eirhart Stacey Jackowski Jane Snyder, ph.D Jane Snyder, Ph.d Jane Eirhart Dr. John M. Cutting, DMD Jane eirhart Dr. John M. Cutting, DMD Jane Snyder, ph.D Dr. John M. Cutting, DMD ADvERTISING info@iParentSingle.com Jane Snyder, Ph.d ADvERTISING info@iParentSingle.com Jane Snyder, ph.D Media Kit available, local and national Media Kit available, local and national ADvERTISING info@iParentSingle.com ADvERTISING info@iParentSingle.com Media Kit available, local and national ADvERTISING info@iParentSingle.com Media Kit available, local and national SPECIAL THANKS TO… My parents, Tyson Bennett, Susan Page, SPECIAL THANKS To… My parents, Tyson Bennett, Susan Page, Media Kit available, local and national John Craghead, genevieve Bos, Wanda Martin, John Craghead, genevieve Bos, Wanda Martin, John Craghead, genevieve Bos, Wanda Martin, SPECIAL THANKS TO… My parents, Tyson Bennett, Susan Page, SPECIAL THANKS To… My parents, Tyson Bennett, Susan Page, Content, Anna Banana & elizabeth, tecla Murphy, Content, anna Banana & elizabeth, Tecla Murphy, John Craghead, genevieve Bos, Wanda Martin, SPECIAL THANKS TO… M y parents, Tyson Bennett, Susan Page, John Craghead, genevieve Bos, Wanda Martin, vince, my my son Christopher. vince, my son Christopher. Vince, son Christopher. Content, Anna Banana & elizabeth, tecla Murphy, John Craghead, genevieve Bos, Wanda Martin, Content, anna Banana & elizabeth, Tecla Murphy, vince, my son Christopher. Content, Banana & elizabeth, tecla Murphy, Vince, my Anna son Christopher. CONTACT uS www.iParentSingle.com CONTACT uS uS www.iParentSingle.com CoNTACT vince,www.iParentSingle.com my son Christopher. sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com editor@iParentSingle.com sherreerogers@iParentSingle.com CONTACT uS www.iParentSingle.com CoNTACT uS www.iParentSingle.com info@iParentSingle.com info@iParentSingle.com info@iParentSingle.com sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com CONTACT uS www.iParentSingle.com sherreerogers@iParentSingle.com info@iParentSingle.com sherreerogers@iparentSingle.com info@iParentSingle.com info@iParentSingle.com
Collaborative Family Law Collaborative Family Law Collaborative Family Law Collaborative Family Collaborative Family Law Law Mediation Mediation Mediation Mediation Mediation Divorce Counseling Divorce Counseling Divorce Counseling Counseling Divorce Counseling Learnthe thebest bestways waystotoCO-PARENT CO-PARENT Learn Learnthe thebest bestways waystotoCO-PARENT CO-PARENT Learn Learn the best ways to CO-PARENT go to www.iParentSingle.com go to www.iParentSingle.com
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We would love tohear from you! We would love tohear hear from you! We would love from you! We would love toto hear from you! We would love to hear from you! Distribution of iParentSingle Magazine, both print and digital versions, will commence June Distribution of iParentSingle Magazine, both print and digital versions, will commence June Distribution of iParentSingle Magazine, both print and digital versions, will commence June Distribution of iParentSingle Magazine, both print and digital versions, will commence June
Distribution of iParentSingle Magazine, both print and digital versions, will commence June 2017. Distribution areas include north Florida, alabama, georgia and Tennessee. 2017. Distribution areas include north Florida, alabama, georgia and Tennessee. 2017. Distribution areas include north Florida, alabama, georgia and Tennessee. 2017. Distribution areas include north Florida, alabama, georgia and Tennessee. Distribution of iParentSingle Magazine, both print and digital versions, will commence June 2017. Distribution areas include north Florida, alabama, georgia and Tennessee. Alabama, Austin, Texas, Georgia, Maryland, North Florida 2017. 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22 / West West Street West Street West Street 2222// / Street 22 / West Street21401 Annapolis, Maryland Annapolis, Maryland 21401 Annapolis, Maryland 21401 Annapolis, Maryland 21401 Annapolis, Maryland 21401 Ph: 410.263.3660 Ph: 410.263.3660 •410.263.8350 410.263.8350 410.263.3660 •••410.263.8350 Ph: 410.263.3660 410.263.8350 Ph: www.thecivilizeddivorce.com 410.263.3660 • 410.263.8350 www.thecivilizeddivorce.com www.thecivilizeddivorce.com www.thecivilizeddivorce.com www.thecivilizeddivorce.com
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you have to deal with on a daily basis. in a nutshell, it’s NOT EaSY being a single parent in 2017. Here are some of the topics we will regularly guide you on: Child Support, Parenting, Wellness, Fitness, Finances, Health & Fitness, nutrition, Pediatric Care, Disabilities, nutrition, Plant-Based educa-
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All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. – lEO
THEN: Put all ingredients in blender and blend until smooth. Pour in glasses and enjoy! Serves 2
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
Teaching you what it means to Co-Parent is primary mission. helping you create a happy, cool and safe home for you and your children is another big goal we have for you. We know you have concerns, questions and may need help here and there. our amazing team of experts is here for
”
TOlSTOY
you when you need answers. Less drama, more strategy. Your kids are on their phones all the time, chances are you are too. Technology has changed everything for all of us. one thing that hasn’t changed is how much you love your children and how you want the best very for them. Making a good living will help you navigate through some tough seas a little easier but it won’t be a plan. a plan is a strategy to guide you into a place of comfort, security and emotional stability. at iParentSingle we provide solutions to challenges and situations that we know iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
ily and in a single family home, everyone needs a little help navigating, regardless of your tax bracket. if you are a ship then we are the sea. You are carrying precious cargo. We will guide you to a safe harbor and make it our mission to be sure you arrive happy and safe, wherever your ship takes you. That’s our promise to you, dad.
Inspired by you,
tion, Dating, Behavioral issues, Homework, Substance abuse and relationships. This is Sherree l. Rogers just a small snap-shot of what is to come eDiTor-in-CHieF, founder for you and your children. You’re not the only one involved, in most cases. So, I’ve created Icons to steer you through the magazine iDad Follow us on Twitter @iParentSingleMagazine and all of our multi-media portals. Like us on Facebook: There may be an article where we Facebook.com/iParentSingle Magazine want you and your parents to read because it will be useful for all of you. There’s a story about drinking a driving we want you and your teens to read. a cautionary tale, sad to say, as old as time. Still, you are a fam-
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What is it? Stressors come
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Can it be managed?
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There is no way I can make it to my son’s game on time. I promised him I would be there!
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1. Smile…just do it…right now.
Errands / Shopping
2. Square breathing: imagine a square. Breath in slowly. exhale slowly. Breath in slowly. exhale.
Controlling family clutter
3. Play: everyday a little play. go buy a new wiffle ball and bat.
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4. Be in the moment: Drink in your surroundings. hold a puppy, smell its’ breath. hug your child, look at his/her fingers.
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5. Space clearing: Look around your space, and take 5 minutes to clear. 6. Take a walk. go to a park.
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iParentSingle Subscribers
7. Laugh… really laugh. Do it alone, do it with a friend, laugh with your child. Laugh. 8. Connect—roll on the floor, jump rope, hug on the couch, hold hands. Connect with those that love you.
/ Special Rate & Subscribers
9. Make a list: accomplish one item. Cross it off.
Of all the things that influence your child’s growth and development, one of the most important is the reliable, responsive, and sensitive care your child gets from you. You play a key role in your child’s development, along with your child’s intelligence, temperament, outside stresses, and social environment. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
10. Forgive and forget. “The concept of the courage to be imperfect was first discussed in print by Dr. rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972) an internationally known psychiatrist. He wrote several books on parenting, including “The Challenge” and “a Parent’s guide to Child Discipline.” (http://web.csuchico.edu/-ah24/dreikurs.htm) More recently, the authors of STeP: Systematic Training for effective Parenting, suggest that “with the courage to be imperfect, an individual can focus on the present time, rather than worry about the past.” (Dinkmeyer, D., McKay, g., 1989, agS)
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
other ideas: Watch T.V. Play video games. go to movie. read a book. Talk to friends. Play on the computer. Start a project or hobby. Listen to music and dance. ride a horse. Drink from the ‘good cup’. 11
iDad iDad
iDad
Maryland Partners With Bank of America Maryland Partners With Bank of America To Provide Electronic Child Support Payments To Provide Electronic Child Support Payments
Maryland’s Child Support Enforcement Administration Enhances Payment Services To Families
in the beginning in mid-January, 2013, the Maryland Child Support enforcement administration (CSea) improved child support payment delivery by offering two forms of electronic payment. Custodial parents may opt to have child support payments deposited directly into their bank/credit union accounts, or they may have the payment loaded onto the Electronic Payment issuance Card (ePiC). Both options provide timely and accurate payments that are fast, easy and secure. This move will eliminate the many inconveniences associated with receiving and cashing paper checks – including the large fees that many check cashing entities charge for providing their service. Direct Deposit offers the convenience of having monies placed directly into an existing account, and ePiC can be used to make purchases everywhere the Visa® debit card is accepted. EPiC can also be used to retrieve cash from aTMs, bank tellers and credit unions that accept Visa®, and get cash back with purchases at many grocery and convenience stores. The Maryland CSEa is aggressively developing innovative approaches to improve the services provided to families and to elevate child support’s delivery system to be on par with current banking tools and conveniences.
For additional information about this new service, please call 1-866-213-4074
EPiC Since January 2013 EPiC Since January 2013 In everyInissue, willyou findwill important updatesupdates regarding child support for the State of State Maryland. everyyou issue, find important regarding child support for the of Maryland. ExpertsExperts from DHR will guide andyou educate you on any updates or processes fromChild DHRSupport Child Support willyou guide and educate you new on any new updates or processes that youthat need toneed knowtoasknow a single you as aparent. single parent. Editor-In-Chief, SherreeSherree Rogers Rogers Editor-In-Chief,
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August 2017
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Maryland Department Department of of Human Human Resources Resources Maryland Maryland’s Human Services Agency Agency Maryland’s Services MarylandHuman Department of Human Resources Maryland’s Human Services Agency
The Maryland The Maryland Electronic Payment Electronic Payment Issuance Issuance Card... Card... Providing fast, Providing fast, easy and secure easy and secure child support child support payments payments A smart choice A smart choice • Avoid the expense of cashing checks.
Avoid the expense of cashing checks. Avoid the expense of ®®cashing checks. Use everywhere everywhere Visa Visa debit debit cards cards are are accepted accepted -Use in stores, online and and on®the the phone. Use everywhere Visa debit cards are accepted in stores, online on phone. in stores, online and on the phone. Quickly access access cash cash at at ATM's ATM's and and from from tellers tellers at at any any bank bank •• Quickly or credit union that accepts Visa.* • or Quickly access cash at ATM's and from tellers at any bank credit union that accepts Visa.* or credit union that accepts Visa.* Get cash cash back back with with purchases purchases at at many many grocery grocery and and •• Get convenience stores. • convenience Get cash back with purchases at many grocery and stores. convenience stores. Feel more more secure secure -- no no need need to to carry carry large large amounts amounts •• Feel of cash. • of Feel more secure - no need to carry large amounts cash. of cash. The EPiC EPiC prepaid prepaid debit debit card card is is aa fast fast and and convenient convenient way way to to The receive your child support support payments. You are automatically automatically The EPiC prepaid debit card is a fast You and are convenient way to receive your child payments. approved for child this card card nopayments. credit check check orare bank account is is receive your support You automatically approved for this –– no credit or bank account required. for this card – no credit check or bank account is approved required. required. • • •• •
Everyday purchasing power Everyday Use your your card cardpurchasing everywhere Visa Visapower debit cards cards are are accepted: accepted: Use everywhere debit your card everywhere Visa debit cards are accepted: • Grocery Grocery stores Restaurants •Use stores •• Restaurants •• Gas Gas stations • Medical offices Grocery stores Restaurants stations • Medical offices •• Retail Retail stores • Online stores Gas stations Medicalstores offices stores • Online Mail order Phone orders Retail stores Online orders stores •• Mail order •• Phone • Mail order • Phone orders Pay bills bills with with your your card: card: Pay bills with your card: • Utilities Utilities Internet •Pay •• Internet Phone Insurance Utilities Internet •• Phone •• Insurance • Phone • Insurance *Fee may may apply apply *Fee *Fee may apply
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EPiiC
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Martin O’Malley, O’Malley, Governor Governor •• Anthony Anthony G. G. Brown, Brown, Lt. Lt. Governor Governor •• Theodore Theodore Dallas, Dallas, Secretary Secretary Martin Martin O’Malley, Governor • Anthony G. Brown, Lt. Governor • Theodore Dallas, Secretary
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Ask Doreen I’m hoping you can help me! My twelve-year-old Grandson has started spewing some of the most horrific language I have ever heard. It seems to happen most often when we are in public. I am so embarrassed. I’ve tried washing his mouth out with soap and everything else in my toolbox. I’m thinking we should just never leave the house again! Help!
iDad
iGp
iSp
- Carol Carol, Trust me when i say we’ve all been there in one way or another. if i ever have the chance, remind me to tell you the D$%& Cookie story courtesy of my angelic little girl. Control is really important to twelve-year-old boys! i have a feeling that your grandson is taking great pleasure in controlling the reaction he is getting from you and others around him. He probably thinks it’s pretty cool that he can control the color of your face, the tone of your voice, and probably, the amount of time that you both spend in any given situation. i think the biggest thing you must remember is to “never let him see you sweat!” His swearing may simply be a rite of passage influences by peers and other factors. if you were in a public place i would address the issue by using a delayed consequence. “I’m going to have to do something about this but not right now. i’ll get back to you.” You could also, calmly say something like “hmmm, sometimes people use language like that because they don’t have a very big vocabulary , sure wouldn’t work for me.” Then let it drop. resist the urge to lecture!!! if it continues, i would also leave the environment but, again, don’t make it a big deal. “My car is leaving in 5 minutes, you can come with me or not . (You must have someone as back up in case he takes option two. Have a neighbor, your husband, or someone else on standby). if after the allotted time he chooses not to come with you, break out the cell phone and call your accomplice. This has been planned ahead so when you call don’t elaborate just say
something simple like “Please come.”, wait until you see the accomplice arrive and leave. he’ll either, be shocked and follow, or the accomplice will take him home. Make sure you have all of the holes filled and kinks worked out before you try this. You want to be ready for any scenario When you get home, do not revisit the issue. The next time he asks you to take him somewhere like practice. Say something like “Hmmmm, how sad.” When he asks you “What!” and he most likely will, respond like this “remember i said i was going to have to do something about your language? Well, i can’t take you anywhere until i am sure that won’t be a problem again.”. He will respond in a, more than likely, not pleased manner. at this point, become a broken record. no matter what he says respond with a simple one liner such as “I love you too much to argue.” or “i talk to people who use calm voices.” never waver! Whatever he says respond the same. eventually, he will become really frustrated or confused, either way; he will probably storm off and calm down. if he comes back at you later respond the same way or maybe add something like “What did i say?”. The hardest part will be resisting the urge to nag and making it seem like its’ not a big deal. i would also recommend you read “Parenting with Love and Logic” or “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic” by foster Cline, Md. and Jim fay. These books are also available on CD if you’re like me and prefer to listen while you drive. i think you will find either version a great help. Good luck, doreen
Doreen Campbell is the Mother of two small children, to whom she credits her most valuable life lessons. She has dedicated over sixteen years to helping children and caregivers build stronger, happier relationships. Social worker, Special education Teacher, and Behavioral Specialist are only a few of the hats she has worn. aiding families in identifying the root causes behind difficult behaviors and guiding them to find ways to improve the situations they may find themselves in is her mission in life. in these pages she will answer your questions and help you as she has so many others. iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
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iDad
Living with Children “So what about single parents, John?” asks a single dad responding to a newspaper column of mine in which I proposed that it is in a child’s best interest for his parents’ relationship with By John Rosemond one another to be stronger than their relationships with him. “How does all that apply to a single dad like me?” i am, in fact, qualified to answer that question because my mother was a single parent for most of the first seven years of my life. During that time, she was a very interesting person in my eyes—one of the most interesting people i’ve ever known in fact. She worked outside the home. She went to college (at that time, the College of Charleston) and eventually obtained a Ph.D. in plant morphology. She had a seemingly endless variety of friends. as she did her homework, she often took the time to explain to me things like the differences between animals with and animals without backbones. Sometimes she took me with her to the library, where i sat in awe of how quiet and still grown-ups could be. Sometimes (rarely actually, and probably only when it was either that or stay at home herself), i’d go with her and her friends to the beach or the movies. Because she was interesting, i paid attention to her. i was fascinated by her, in fact. She did not orbit around me, rather i orbited around her, and she made sure that my orbit was ever-expanding. Through her independence, she encouraged mine. More than once she told me it was her job to make sure i could stand on my own two feet, which required that she not let me stand on hers. 18
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i do not remember her ever getting down on the floor and playing with me, but she read to me at least once a day from children’s classics like Wind in the Willows. She was affectionate, loving, and i always knew i could rely on her, but it was perfectly clear that she had a rich life beyond being John Rosemond’s mother. and by the way, my mother never, ever gave me the impression that having no father in my life (i saw my father on only three occasions before i was 11-years-old, and only for several hours at a time) was an excuse for misbehavior, not doing my best in school, poor manners, self-pity, “anger issues,” and the like. i was responsible, fully accountable. When I misbehaved, and tried to explain it away, my mother would look at me sternly and say, “There are no excuses.” By virtue of not being allowed to wrap myself in soap opera, i was given permission to have, and did have, a truly happy, although far from idyllic, childhood. Unfortunately, our culture no longer gives single mothers permission to be that kind of mom. Today’s single mom is expected to feel guilty, not independent. She is expected to compensate for the supposed psychological trauma her divorce has imposed upon her children by orbiting around them, making them her life, which insures that she will not have one of her own. She thinks she can only validate that she is a good mom by doing things for her children;
therefore, she rarely does anything for herself. She does not feel she has permission to discipline because, after all, (she thinks) her kids only misbehave because they are “angry” about the divorce and at the same time they (supposedly) feel responsible for it. as a consequence of the box into which our culture squeezes the single mom (its’ walls are constructed of psychobabble), single mom-hood in america is not what it was for my mother. instead of a state of relatively enjoyable independence, it is confining, exhausting, and guilt-ridden for all too many single moms. a single mom recently told me that because she had always wanted to learn to paint, she was thinking of enrolling her 4-year-old daughter in art lessons. i suggested that she forgo doing something else for her daughter and enroll herself in art lessons, and then perhaps turn around and teach her daughter to paint. She looked at me quizzically for a few moments, then smiled and said, “i get it.” i hope she’s enjoying her art lessons. family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents’ questions on his web site at www.rosemond.com.
Nuestros Alimentos, Nuestro Futuro
Luis, Santa Barbara
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Did you Know As a parent, you can have close contact with your child from the time he or she is small. That type of contact builds trust; with trust comes commitment. Parents who are committed to their child’s wellbeing can have a very positive effect on their child. - NICHD
The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development
Continued on page 49
Our Food, Our Future www.sCoolFood.org iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
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civilized
the Boys & Girls Clubs of America presents
By Nancy Weller, Esquire
dIVORCE
With 20 years of legal experience and having gone through a divorce myself, i know how difficult separation and divorce can be, no matter what the circumstances. it’s my goal to help clients navigate the legal process with the least amount of time, energy, cost, and emotional angst using collaborative family law, mediation, or cooperative law. These methods resolve cases with fair, reasonable, and cost-effective settlement agreements. Collaborative Family Law is a dramatically different way of approaching divorce in a non-adversarial manner. under this approach, parties are represented by specially trained collaborative family lawyers. Both parties and their lawyers commit in writing to work together to attain a fair and equitable settlement agreement, thereby avoiding contested litigation. Parties participate in a series of face-to-face meetings where they work together openly and honestly to resolve conflicts. it is much less expensive than traditional litigation, both financially and emotionally, and allows the parties to maintain control over the problem-solving process in a private venue. The impact of the separation and divorce is substantially less, which is particularly important when children are involved.
Families are the first source of information for children and often determine how children will experience life. Children from strong families have the best opportunities for success. That’s why Boys & Girls Clubs of America (BGCA) has a strong commitment to strengthening families. Thanks to the generous support of Kimberly-Clark, BGCA began implementing the Family PLUS (Parents Leading, Uniting, Serving) initiative in 2005. Family PLUS is a model for Boys & Girls Clubs wanting to implement family support components into their Club’s programming. Those components include; Kinship Care, Economic Opportunity, Father Involvement, FAN Club and Outreach Strategies.
Mediation, another way to resolve conflicts outside of court, is different from collaborative law in that mediation sessions are traditionally conducted without attorneys present and are presided over by a third neutral party who does not provide legal advice. With the collaborative approach, both parties benefit from having lawyers present for negotiation sessions who are committed to negotiating a winwin settlement agreement.
This model introduces Clubs to factors affecting the family unit and methods of collaborating with community organizations to provide parents and caregivers with resources. The initiative is sponsored by the Kimberly-Clark with a 5-year, $7 million grant to BGCA.
Under the collaborative approach, if either party seeks court intervention, the collaborative process terminates and traditional litigators must be hired. While i provide traditional legal representation, i strive first towards resolving cases outside of court. if couples can agree that they want to resolve these issues without expensive adversarial litigation, then collaborative law is the way to go. it just makes sense.
developing youth by strengthening families to learn more about Family PLUS, visit http://familyplus.bgca.org 22
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Nancy l. Weller, Esquire’s office is located at 22 ½ West Street annapolis, Maryland 21401. You can reach her at: (410) 263-3660 or www.nancyweller.com
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The column I will be writing for iParentSingle will be addressing those pesky emotional and physical need that we still have, and don’t want to lose, even though daddy duties are so compelling that we feel giving up romantic love might be the only choice we have for the next decade or so. I understand that feeling, but I believe that every man also deserves adult relationships and that if we can find someone who is worthy, and adores us (or at least cares enough about us to create a positive impact on our mental health) we will be happier and that will be better for our children in both the short and long run. So, my column will be on finding love, maintaining it, getting over bad starts or unhealthy relationships and getting more insight and tools to use to make love. We will work on getting more insight and tools to make love and being coupled (occasionally or steadily) a happy addition (or at least not a destructive addiction) to our lives. I hope to be responsive to your questions and opinions—and give solid advice—and offer resources. It’s friend to friend as well as expert to audience; I have had periods of single motherhood myself - and I know we all the support and wisdom of each other when it comes to love and sex. Help me by letting me know what’s on your mind and in your heart. You will be speaking for way more people than yourself and it will aid our search for good answers to important questions. info@iParentSingle.com,
MEDIA MEDIA KIT KIT 2017 2017 CHILDREN WITH SUPPORT CHILD TRAUMA SHOCK CHILDREN WITH LIVING SUPPORTLIVING CHILD DHR TRAUMA DHR SHOCK
By Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D
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Dr. Schwartz iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
August 2017
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50 50 pagepage
BUILDING BUILDING FUTURE YOUR FUTURE YOUR
iDad
Lions Tigers Bears ! y m Oh
WE BOUGHT A ZOO
We’ve all grown up with that famous line from the Wizard of Oz. one big difference, Dorothy didn’t buy a zoo and the lions and tigers and bears in this article are reaL! This is the bittersweet adventure of Ben Mee and his family buying a zoo, suffering a loss and turning life around by writing a successful book about their life called, We Bought a Zoo. Hollywood picked up the true story and turned it into a hit starring Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson. Ben shares his grief, his inspiration and his life story of literally saving a zoo with his mom, brother and children.
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iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
The real life story of saving The Dartmoor Zoo in Devon, england is quite different than the movie. In the movie, Ben lives in the u.S. and moves into a house that has a zoo that needs saving. He made a drastic move to help his children cope with loss and make a fresh start. How it really happened was the blissfully married couple, Ben and his soul mate Katherine, and their two children, son Milo and daughter ella, moved into their beautiful house on the property of Dartmoor Zoo in 2006. The deal was they could move onto the property if they agreed to save the zoo. Simple, iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
right? Call it for love of adventure or call it crazy but they pulled together as a young happy family and gathered all the money from their personal finances and a banker willing to work with them. it was actually working. Things were pulling together and then…Katherine wasn’t feeling well. as it turns out, his wife had an aggressive brain tumor terminal illness that took her life within months of reaching their goal of inspection to open the zoo. Ben was left to open the zoo and manage his terrible grief and his children. now, as a single father, Ben opens up about
August 2017
the amazing journey he has been on and how life just isn’t the same. Ben decided to write about this story and the book was doing pretty well. Then, Hollywood came knocking and changed everything for the better. Still nothing replaced his Katherine but his supportive mom and brother and his two children were now on an adventure. Their adventure was sharing their life story on a global scale. We Bought a Zoo was hitting the big screen. The legacy you leave behind when you pass away can be in many forms. in the case of Katherine Mee, it was a loving husband, 29
two beautiful children, loving parents, a big surprise savings account, a really big house and…a Zoo. Ben told me that having a zoo is a bit like having a child, it needs constant attention and if you’re not careful really terrible things can happen and it’s your fault. “We are responsible for all of these exotic animals that need care that simulates their natural habitats and we can’t ever ignore that responsibility, ever”, Ben said. The Zoo was, in fact, a challenging but magical healing vehicle for the entire family.
ily. Duncan, my brother, was a tremendous help for us all when Katherine took seriously ill for three months. He was amazing. Then there was my mum, she was so great with the kids. i just can’t imagine how i could have done it without their help. My mum is getting on now, so i check in on her now. it was a very difficult time and then there was the timing. Just after my wife died, we only had two months to get ready for the critical inspection that would allow us to be
success of the book and the film? Ben Mee: You know, it’s interesting. People stop me in the street or when i do book signings and i have found what i have done by telling my story really helps people with grief. one lady i met during a book tour was suffering from a loss. Then, after she read my book, she told me she got off the couch and joined an organization that helped with the preservation and behavior of wolves and it has changed her life completely. i thought to myself, “good on you”
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– Benjamin Mee Ben shared with me that it was five years ago today, on March 31st, the day of our interview, that his wife Katherine passed away. i was amazed by this coincidence as this date was the reschedule date from our prior time. Proof, perhaps, that magic really does surround this family and Dartmoor Zoo. iParentSingle Magazine: How are you doing? Ben Mee: We are doing very well, working hard but things are going well for us now. it’s been very hot but we are supposed to get snow! Can you believe it? The weather is really changing here in this country. iParentSingle Magazine: Tell me about your inspiration and about how your story of the zoo all started. Ben Mee: It’s hard to believe it’s already been five years since my wife died. You know my wife and i were perfect for each other. We got on so well and she was so self-effacing, so graceful and modest. i find i look for those qualities in people now and teach my children to be that way. We wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for the great support i received from my fam30
up and running in time. it was unreal and was so very hard. as i stood over watching all the people doing the work around the zoo, the kids and all the things i had to do, it was very hard because we were all still deep in grief over the loss. We were under tremendous strain to get everything right for inspection. We really couldn’t give up. it wouldn’t have felt right. amazing things were happening at the zoo, a couple of deer were born, and then one of the animals died. We were in our own little eco system and were part of it and aware of it. it really highlighted how small we all are in the big scheme of things. i think that awareness helped with the grief in all of us. My wonderful in-laws are quite religious and shared that being a part of the zoo was a blessing for our family to heal during this really hard time. My view was more of an eco awareness perspective. it’s been a very healing and special experience for my whole family and i feel very fortunate to have come out of the difficult time with two very balanced and happy children and a supportive family. iParentSingle Magazine: What has changed since the
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Zoo Resident, Soloman or as they say in the U.S., “good for you”. The film was an amazing experience and also a very healing process for our entire family. Matt Damon was such a great choice for me. i’m glad they went with him. Cameron Crow is such an amazing Director and really was compassionate and so incredibly thoughtful. He too is a family man, through and through. I think that that is why the film has such a warm feeling to it. it conveys my experience and his thoughtful insight. i was so pleased with the film. Cameron added a great quote in the film that i didn’t write. He added, “if you do something for the right reasons, nothing can stop you”. i believe that but sometimes it’s really hard. iParentSingle Magazine: Since your story in the book and film highlight your personal life story, how has it affected your children at school? Has it been a positive affect? ben Mee: i raise the subject a lot in my talks of adapting and evolution of life and nature. When i am on talk shows and at schools this is what i share with other parents about being able to cope. Then I al-
iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
Continued on page 48 August 2017
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The Summit School The Summit School changes the lives of bright changes the lives children who struggleofinbright school. children who struggle in school. The Summit School: School: •The usesSummit specialized, cutting edge
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• Sprinkle on oatmeal for extra flavor and crunch.
Granola is a crunchy, sweet, protein packed treat. You can bag it up and carry it in your purse, car, backpack for your snacking needs. It is great for morning, noon and night. Just by adding a few more ingredients you can make many more delicious and nutritious snacks for everyone.
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Cut Me Out!
Want your kids to eat healthier? This book will feature 100 recipes and be available at b.b Bistro in annapolis, MD for $29.95, as well as on amazon and on Kindle. www.bbbistroannapolis.com 32
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• Sprinkle on vanilla yogurt at night instead of ice cream.
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33 33
iDad
iGp
iTeen
iSp
bAltImore BALTIMORE SHoCk SHOC trAUmA
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The Shock Trauma Center, JCahO-accredited and licensed through the University of Maryland Medical Center (UMMC) by the Maryland Department of Health and Mental hygiene, serves as the core resource to the state’s Emergency Medical Services (eMS) System. as the Primary adult resource Center (ParC) and the designated neurotrauma Center for the State of Mary-
addition, we treat those at risk for multiple organ dysfunctions; those who require musculoskeletal reconstruction; and those who require hyperbaric medicine and wound therapy. The Shock Trauma Center is also the area-wide trauma center for the southwest quadrant of Baltimore City and the Central Maryland counties outside the city. as one of nine major institutions
intermediate care to rehabilitation, home health and follow-up services, including a trauma outpatient clinic. For FY ’07, the Shock Trauma Center admitted more than 7,500 patients. Mechanism of injuries includes (motor vehicle crashes, pedestrian struck, falls, motor cycle crashes, violence, readmissions and occupational injuries). in addition to treating traumatic injury,
Teens are influenced by their peers and don’t always think they make poor choices. Some of these poor choices include: Alcohol and drug use • impaired decision making • Driving under the influence • alcohol poisoning
land, the facility and its staff members stand ready 24 hours a day, every day. The Shock Trauma Center receives, stabilizes and treats those whose lives are threatened by severe multi-system injury, acute complex orthopedic injury, spinal cord and column injuries, and brain injury. in 34
iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
August 2017
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
Risky Driving Behaviors • • • • • •
nbelted drivers and passengers U Speeding Distracted driving Too many kids in the vehicle Drowsy driving Driving under the influence
operated by the University of Maryland Medical System (UMMS), patient care at the Shock Trauma Center is linked to a comprehensive continuum of services from injury prevention services and programs to prehospital providers through resuscitation, stabilization, critical and
August 2017
Sex • • • • • •
Unprotected Unwanted (no consent) Date rape Too drunk or high to say no Sexually transmitted diseases Pregnancy
the Shock Trauma Center conducts a variety of prevention programs in collaboration with schools, community groups and the court system throughout the state, as well as with national prevention programs. Continued on page 50 35
iDad
Parent Encouragement Program (PEP)
parenting
Internet, cell phones, 24/7 TV program- ence or role model to which to turn, how is gardless of socioeconomic position, race, ming and video games. The world today is a parent to know how to raise responsible, religion, age, culture or family. much different than the one we all grew up capable, happy kids? one such program formed in the early in as children. and these are just the tech- To fill parents’ need for information and days of the parent education movement nological differences. add on the increased skill-building, parenting education pro- is the Washington, dC area-based Parent demand and competition in children’s grams across the nation are on the rise, encouragement Program (PeP). PeP was academic and extracurricular founded in 1982 by Linda Jessup activities and parenting bewho first held parenting classes comes even more compliThe sense of self comes from in the living room of her Silver cated. Spring home. Jessup based PEP’s not only are we parenting in classes on the proven psychologa different environment than ical theories of alfred adler and Connection i belong, whether to a family, did our parents, many parrudolf Dreikers. Their respectfriends or other group. ents have made a conscious based theories apply to all hudecision to parent differently man relationships, but have speCapable I can do it and other people than we were parented. The cial relevance to raising children see this ability in me. autocratic “father knows with a high sense of self. adler’s best” dynamic doesn’t quite theories state that a person’s Contribute I am a valuable individual fit in today’s world, espeindividual and collective mental who can make a difference. cially since father may not be health is based on a strong selfaround or may be the heads Courage i can handle whatever concept in combination with of two different households. high social interest or feelings of comes my way. While previous generations contribution. PeP’s classes focus may have had their parenting on helping parents learn how to knowledge and skills passed down through whether located in homes, churches or build these four C’s not only in their chilthe family tree, today’s parents often find social centers of schools. These programs dren’s lives, but also in their own. this information is either not available or work to fill the needs of parents from all no longer applies. With no prior experi- walks of life and family compositions – re-
The Four C’s
Continued on page 50
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
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Here are some recession proof fun ideas:
iDad
Play Play Board Board Games Games
There are great life lessons in games like Monopoly and Life. There are great life lessons in games like Monopoly and Life.
YOUR FISCAl GPS
Rediscover Rediscover The The Library Library
Check into book readings or activities that are being offered. Check into book readings or activities that are being offered.
Get Get Crafty Crafty
You may have heard one person’s junk is another person’s treasure. You may have heard one person’s junk is another person’s treasure. There are websites devoted to cheap crafty ideas for kids! There are websites devoted to cheap crafty ideas for kids!
Buy Buy Wisely Wisely
Shop around to find the best prices, stores like gamestop let you Shop around to find the best prices, stores like gamestop let you trade in old video games for credit towards a new or used game. trade in old video games for credit towards a new or used game.
Find Find FREE FREE Things Things To To Do Do
Just type this statement into the internet search along with your town Just type this statement into the internet search along with your town and and see see all all the the fREE fREE things things available. available. Pack Pack snacks snacks and and aa lunch lunch to to keep your costs down. keep your costs down. stuff” and my book or magazine ends up a tabs to help stay organized, and 3) the Perblanket on my lap. But, trust me, this trip is sonal Balance Sheet, which you can find on www.iParentSingle.com. worth staying awake a bit longer.
By Jacalyn Murray
I’m the poster-child for someone who should not drive without a Global Positioning System or GPS. A GPS is one of the greatest inventions of all time! Before GPS became a household name, I drove through life like I was in one of my 11 year old son’s video games: fumbling with maps, frantically searching for signs, desperately avoiding hazards, almost always going in the wrong direction, and mostly screaming and crying. It was not a pretty sight.
W
With the current state of the economy, many people feel like they’re hurling through the same type of video “game.” During my 27 years of guiding people in money matters, i’ve acted as my clients’ “Fiscal gPS”. This is my first in a series of articles for iParentSingle in which i will navigate the subject of Women, Men, Their Money, and installing a Fiscal gPS. We plan to visit all points of the money map. So, no matter where you are starting, we will help you get to your destination.
Let me share some of my reality. in my past, I’ve been broke and couldn’t pay my rent; i’ve had to borrow money from my parents; i’ve held 3 jobs at one time and still could only afford peanut butter and green beans. and, oh yeah, divorced too. This is not to say “been there, done that,” but I’ve had my share. Things changed when i made the choice to geT STarTeD with the life i wanted. ask yourself, if not NOW, WhEN?
as a single parent, money is often the largest uncertainty. it may seem early in our relationship to ask for a favor but here it goes: invest the time to read this article. We want to eMPoWer moms and dads in their lives and the lives of their children. as a working mother of a sixth grader, i know that in real life there is very little time left for oneself. So, i fear you may not feel like you have time to take this trip with us. There have been nights when i’ve tried to catch up on “my 38
i’m finding that in times like today, people are feeling like their finances are spiraling out of control. iParentSingle will be a great roadmap for you in many areas of your financial life. We encounter many hazards and roadblocks in our financial lives and that is why i will have action items in each article. a successful trip has many twists and turns but the journey with a gPS provides us with a step-by-step plan. Set a reasonable course from where you’re starting and if you can’t get to the action items all at once, write them down, tack them on the frig, and tackle one per week.
Today we start at the beginning: get a clear view of what money is coming in, what is going out, and what is left to SaVe. You get these answers by completing a Personal Balance Sheet. Sounds like a big task, but we are going to break it down to small, easy steps. You’ll need to have the right tools: 1) a calculator, 2) a file folder with iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
There are a total of 5 action items: (1) complete your asset profile; (2) list liabilities, (3) pay yourself; (4) find a trustworthy advisor and (5) create or amend your Will. in this issue we will tackle the first two: What’s coming in (your earnings and assets) and what’s going out (your liabilities)!
Let’s get started
ACTIon ITEM #1: know All THAT’S CoMInG In.
You accomplish this by completing The Asset Profile section. gather your most recent statements, bills and checkbook. The form directs you to list the balances in your checking, Cd’s and savings accounts. By the way, have you opened new accounts in your name? Most banks do not allow a name to be deleted on an existing account. after you’ve opened the new account, you should think about what would happen to the money if something happens to you, so talk to your banker about adding a Payable on Death (PoD) designation. a PoD account leaves you exclusively in control of your money during your lifetime, but upon death passes automatically to the named beneficiaries. Here are some tips to
August 2017
increase what is coming in by decreasing what is going out! a) Your phone bill: do you need a home phone? Many people are replacing their land lines with their cell phones. Call your provider and see if there are ways to lower your monthly bill. Do you have a wireless internet card and an internet connection? Do you need both? There are many levels of internet plans some of the lower priced plans are slower but much cheaper. b) Energy bills: Make sure you’re doing full loads of laundry and cleaning the dryer lint filter to save energy. remember what our mom’s used to say, “turn off those lights”! When replacing your light bulbs try the new energy efficient ones. according to the website www. eartheasy.com, the new bulbs (CFLs) are four times more efficient and last 10 times longer. They’re more expensive upfront but save money over its lifetime. replacing your air conditioner filter will make the unit more efficient and last longer. Some of the filters can actually be washed and placed back in the unit. Did you know you can turn down the temperature on your water heater? also make sure that the unit is insulated. These are all great tips to prolong the life of your appliances and lower your bills. c) Monthly living expenses: if you have a mortgage it may be time to check into whether you can lower your interest rate. as a general rule, when rates are 1-2% lower than your current rate it is a good time to refinance and rates are at historic lows. if your rent is draining most of your income, consider finding a
cheaper place or by taking on a roommate to share the expenses. Continued on page 52 39
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and looks chagrinned—and adorable. Daddy, uncomfortably embarrassed, ushers little Ashley or Grady back to safer quarters and returns to apologize for the interruption. The next sual date. Never.escort OK. or But or to her back to if this has happened in your sualsual date.date. Never. Never. OK. But OK. But escort him him her escort or back her tohim back if this has happened in your if this has happened in your morning? As they allwait enjoy omelets together, Ashley/Grady a minute. How about bed. if he or she is upset or home, you may be wonderwait wait a minute. a minute. How How about about bed. if he or she is upset or bed. if he or she is upset or home, you may be wonderhome, you may be wonderif it’s a more serious playfrightened, provide reasing and, perhaps, squirmmakes aif couple endearing comments about sleepover it’s if it’s a more a of more serious serious playplayfrightened, frightened, provide provide reas- the reasing ing and, and,perhaps, perhaps, squirmsquirmer in your all, life? surance after all, and surance and all keep your aning a bit. Well, that type of er it in er all your in in your life? life? after after all, surance and keep your keep an-your an-around. ing a bit. Well, that type of ing a bit. Well, that type of and takes a five-year-old’s stride. Chuckles loveswers short and simple toto be considpredictable scene wasn’t there’s love love to betothere’s considbe considswers short swers short and and simple to- simple topredictable predictable scene scene wasn’t wasn’t there’s No problem. Or, wait a second, is there…?
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ered and---well, you have night. With teens, who are enough to ered save Then She you ered and---well, and---well, have you have night. With teens, who are night. With teens, who are enough enoughtotosave saveThen Then SheShe needs. itapt mayto be apt more to be more mortified more Found Me needs. from box-office needs. again, again, it may it may beagain, be to apt be mortified be mortified Found Found Me Me from from box-office box-office unwelcome news, but anything it is anything disappointment despitenews, a news, unwelcome but it but is it than is anything than else,than make else, a makeelse, a make a disappointment disappointmentdespite despite a aunwelcome simply not quick in your child’s quick stop inortheir date. Never. OK. escort her room back to if this has happened in your talented cast, an not interestsimply simply not in your insual your child’s child’s stop quick inBut stop theirin room their tohim room to talented talentedcast, cast,ananinterestinterestwait a minute. How about bed. if he or she is upset or home, you may be wonderbest interest to be exposed offer a brief also, apology. also, ing title, and some intrigubest interest to be exposed offer a offer brief a apology. brief apology. also, ing title, and some intriguing title, and some intrigu-best interest to be exposed if it’s a more serious play- frightened, provide reasing and, perhaps, squirmto behavior. adult sexual behavior. it ask your date to go home. ing sub-plots. in fact, that to adult to adult sexual sexual behavior. it it ask your ask date your to date go home. to go home. ing ing sub-plots. sub-plots. in in fact, fact, that that ing a bit. Well, that type of er in your life? after all, surance and keep your anis confusing, inappropriate, You’re going to need to talk bedroom scene was a mere is confusing, inappropriate, is confusing, inappropriate, You’re You’re going to going need to to need talk to talk bedroom scene was a mere bedroom scene was a mere simple topredictable scene wasn’t there’s love to be consid- swers short and and preventable. to the kids in the morning ered and---well, you have night. With teens, who are enough to save Then She distraction and lame atand preventable. preventable. to theto kids thein kids the morning in the morning distraction distraction and and lame lame at- at-and again, it may be apt to be mortified Found Me from box-office However, it is also not it the and it will be more more awktempt to interject humor However, However, it is it also is needs. not also the not the and it and will be will more be awkmore awktempt tempt to to interject interject humor humor unwelcome news, but it is than anything else, make a disappointment despite a end of the world. if everyone it has ward for if everyone if they into a does film end that just does end of the of the world. world. if it has if it has ward for ward for everyone if they they into into a a film film that that just just does simply not in your child’s quick stop in their room to talented cast, an interestalready happened, don’t are still visiting. Besides, not live up tosome its promise-already already happened, happened, don’t don’t are still are visiting. still visiting. Besides, Besides, not notlive liveupuptoto itsits promise-promise-best interest to be exposed offer a brief apology. also, ing title, and intrigubeat yourself up. Just unyou’re going totoneed some to adult sexual behavior. it need ask your date go home. ing sub-plots. in yourself fact, that -and even the quest for beat beat yourself up. Just up. unJust unyou’re you’re going to going tosome need some -and -and even even in in the the quest quest for for in is confusing, inappropriate, You’re going to need to talk bedroom scene was a mere derstand that there are alone time to process what derstand derstand that that there there are are comedy, the scene fell flat. alone time to process what alone time to process what comedy, the scene fell flat. comedy, the scene fell flat. and preventable. to the kids in the morning distraction and lame atsome steps thatjust youhappened need has some some steps that that you need you need has has just happened and just to happened and to and to Whether you loved orsteps hatWhether Whetheryou youloved loved or or hat-hattempt to interject humor However, it is also not the and it will be more awkto take. let’s callahead. these the plan take. to just take. let’s let’s call these call these thethe the plan plan ed the film, that scene does ed the film, that scene does ed the film, that scene does end of world. if it ahead. has ward ahead. for everyone if they into a film tothat does 4 r’s of recovery: relax, realready happened, don’t are still visiting. Besides, not live up 4 r’s of recovery: relax, reto its promise-4 r’s of recovery: relax, reraise the issue of single parraise the issue of single parraise the issue of single paryourself up. Just un- you’re going to need some -and even in the quest for beat flect, repair and rethink. flect, repair and rethink. flect, repair and rethink. ents and date sleepovers. ents entsand anddate datesleepovers. sleepovers. derstand that there are alone time to process what comedy, the scene fell flat. When it ok? What do some stepsPrior Prior just to happened talking your When Whenisisit itok? ok?What What doisdo Prior to talking with with your with that to youtalking need has your and to Whether you loved or hatyou do if, god forbid, your children further, do some you do if, god forbid, your you do if, god forbid, your children children further, further, do some do some to take. let’s call these the plan ahead. ed the film, that scene does 4 r’s of recovery: relax, reraise the issue of single parchild walks in if you are caught in flagranon you with if you are caught in flagransoulyour searching child child walks walks in in on on you you with with if you are caught in flagransoul searching soul searching about about yourabout your flect, repair and rethink. ents and date sleepovers. ainstrange in stay an---stay values. Thistopic, is a huge topic, tecalm. delicto, stay calm. aa strange strangeperson, person, in an--an---person, values. values. Thisdon’t is aThis huge is topic, a huge te delicto, te delicto, calm. don’t don’t When is it ok? What do Prior to talking with your ahem---compromising pobut for now, clarify your freak out and don’t panic. ahem---compromising ahem---compromising popobut for but now, for clarify now, your clarify your freak freak out out and and don’t don’t panic. panic. you do if, god forbid, your children further, do some sition? values by focusing on your and never yell! instead, sition? sition? values by focusing on your values by focusing on your and and never never yell! yell! instead, instead, child walks in on you with if you are caught in flagran- soul searching about your a strange person, ina an--values. This is a huge topic, te stay calm. at the risk of sounding like maintain matter of don’t fact future hopes for your child at the risk of sounding like at the risk of sounding like future hopes for your child future hopes for your child maintain maintain matter a matter of delicto, fact of a fact ahem---compromising po- either but for now, clarify your freak out and don’t a crusty curmudgeon, manner and either askpanic. your in terms of sexual behavior. aacrusty crustycurmudgeon, curmudgeon, your your in terms of sexual behavior. in terms of sexual behavior. manner manner andyour either and ask your ask your sition? and never yell! instead, values by focusing on your children should never find child to leave you alone for if you’re like most parents, children children should should never never find find if you’re like most parents, if you’re like most parents, child to leave you alone for child to leave you alone for at the risk of sounding like maintain a matter of fact future hopes for your child you in the sack with a cayou probably a few minutes or calmly you you in in the the sack sack with with a caa caprobably you probably hope your hope yourhope your a few a few minutes minutes or manner calmly or calmly a crusty curmudgeon, your in terms of sexual behavior. andyou either ask your
The 4 R’s of Recovery
reflect reflect reflect relax relax relax relax
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children should never find you in the sack with a ca-
iParentSingle.com | June iParentSingle.com iParentSingle.com | | June June July August August 2017 2017 July
iParentSingle.com | Fall 2017 August 2017
child to leave you alone for a few minutes or calmly
reflect
if you’re like most parents, you probably hope your
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child will wait to have sex until he or she is mature and responsible. Then, you probably wish for them a committed, monogamous, and loving sexual relationship in which they both respect themselves and their partner and are in turn respected. guess what? Say hello to your personal values!
about what happened last night and want to talk to you about it,” sets the stage by reassuring your child that he is not to blame and also gives him a great example of YoU being accountable for your actions.
• Do promote a positive attitude about sex as something Your child learns about your values concerning sexuality, that is normal, healthy, and pleasurable under the right as well as your attitude about other values, through your conditions. modeling. in other words, your behavior counts for much more than your words. “Do as i say, but not as i do,” will • Do capitalize on teachable moments. if you have not only come back to haunt you when your teen-aged son been providing developmentally appropriate sex educawants to bring his “flavor-of-the-month” girlfriend home tion, get started now. for a slumber party. and you will have little authority to • Do keep your ears open for questions and offer age-apstand upon if you haven’t modeled responsible, commitpropriate information. ted, sexual behavior of your own. • Do introduce the concept of values. if you’ve modeled Think of ways to introduce your kids to the subject of valbehavior that is not in keeping with your values, acues after you’ve examined your own and are clear on what knowledge that with a simple apology. you wish to model to your children. With a younger child, you may use a hypothetical situation to illustrate the con- • Don’t burden them with unwanted information or make cept of values. For example, explain that if you find a $100 a bigger deal out of it than necessary. if they have no bill, you must decide if the right thing to do is to return questions and don’t want any explanations, let it go until it to the owner or keep it for yourself following the old another time. expression, “finders keepers, losers weepers.” explain that • Don’t pressure them to keep your secret from their other your choice is based on a value and that your family tries to keep certain values. Think of a couple of examples to parent or grandparents. further illustrate this to your kids, perhaps about telling the truth or being on time. • remember that what may be sexy and exciting to you, may frighten young children. They may fear you are being hurt or are in pain. Reassure your child that you are Your children are noT going to be emotionally scarred for fine and safe. ask gently about what they saw---they may life if you’ve fallen short of living (i think we need to add not have seen anything! However, if they did see sexually explicit behavior, explain it as a way that grown-ups “up to” here) your values in this rare instance. in fact, discussion around that mistake and your openness to own up sometimes show that they care for each other. Children to it is quite healthy. However, if you’ve been caught in a are naturally curious about their bodies and sex. answer compromising situation, there is some repair work ahead their questions clearly, but briefly, using correct names of you that will, in part, depend upon the age of your child. for body parts. Convey an accepting and healthy attitude and your children will be comfortable asking you more questions in the future as they arise.
For Very Young Children:
Repair
general do’s and don’ts for children of all ages:
For School aged Children:
• Do remain calm, warm, and honest.
• Do take responsibility. a simple, but heartfelt, “i’m sorry
• Kids now have some knowledge of sex and, even if they have not received sex education at home, they have
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gleaned information from their friends. Your approach must assure them that they have done nothing wrong, that you are ok, and that you have a healthy, accepting attitude about sex. You may have to correct some misconceptions that they have picked up via the playground grapevine in a simple, direct manner. Remember, too, that your kids may still want Daddy or Mommy all to themselves. Finding you in an intimate moment with a partner may spark jealousy and feelings of betrayal. Be prepared to offer a lot of reassurance that nothing will ever interfere with your love for them.
For ‘Tweens” and Teens:
• Their knowledge will be more extensive, but that’s not going to make your job easier. For one thing, you must deal with a major “yuck” factor---‘Tweens” and Teens don’t even like to think of their parents having sex! additionally, you may feel very uncomfortable discussing sexual matters with your older children. Be frank and admit your discomfort because this will normalize his or her own embarrassment. and use humor and appropriate self-disclosure to ease everyone’s anxiety. For example, relate how difficult it was for you to talk with your own parents about sex. Sharing parts of your own history will encourage them to interact with you and ask their questions.
Rethink
You’ve repaired from this incident, but don’t plan a repeat performance! rather, reassess and make decisions about your family’s future. Vow to keep your private life private and limit sleepovers to those times when your child is at his other parent’s house, with her grandparents, a babysitter, or with a friend with whom you swap child-care duties. get creative about finding truly private, private time.
values, approach your children about it honestly rather than sneaking around. With younger children, be sure to maintain their normal bedtime routine. With teenagers, it is best to have a frank talk to flush out their feelings about the new arrangement. always keep your PDa’s (public displays of affection) appropriate and, if you’ve not already done so, teach your child about privacy issues by modeling knocking on closed doors rather than bursting in unannounced. respect is a two way street. and it’s always a good idea to have a backup plan in place with kids in the house. in other words, lock your bedroom door or, at least, keep a blanket nearby for emergency cover-ups! instead of subscribing to the Hollywood version of Sex and the Single-Parent, be the director and producer of your own blockbuster. aspire for a Pg rating, please! and feature yourself as the hero or heroine, who chooses behavior in keeping with personal values and that promote the star of the show (your child) growing into a healthy, mature and responsible young man or woman. You’ll be glad that you did and the rave reviews will be worth it when your child is an adult and thanks you.
for further Reading
• Teaching Your Children Values by richard eyre and Linda Eyre • The Values Book: Teaching Sixteen Basic Values to Young Children by Pam Schiller and Tamera Bryant • everything You never Wanted Your Kids to Know about Sex (But Were afraid They’d ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child’s Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens by Justin richardson and Mark Schuster
if you’ve met someone special and the relationship has grown over a period of months, introduce him or her to your children slowly. once your relationship is committed, long-term and your significant other has a positive and solid bond with your kids, reassess your situation. if you decide that sleepovers are in keeping with your own
Act iParentSingle.com | Fall June 2017 July
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ysl e xia D seeing can be believing
Join the RUN FOR AUTISM Team today! You can do it too! Add a special purpose to your fitness goals. Our RUN FOR AUTISM program allows you to participate in races of all distances across the country.
EARLY SIGNS
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Language delays
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Organization for Autism Research Research and resources that help families today!
www.researchautism.org Toll Free (866) 366-9710
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world what we need to understand about our child and his needs. You may not feel so expert, but i begin by asking that you trust yourself, and trust what you see, even if you do not understand what it means. and find others who can help answer the questions you are trying to resolve. That is the true partnership of parenting… the parent, the child, the professionals you tap along the way. This article will focus on certain observations about the young child, from two to four years old. our children are born, and we hope each will move through the stages of childhood unmarred. Their hurts be-
come our hurts, we want to protect them from harm and celebrate their successes. Your child sits up on time, walks on time, laughs, responds, and seems perfect. He is perfect, yet his timeline may be different than others his age. This does not mean your child is flawed. it means you may need to tap the expertise of others to answer those questions you raise. one of the first questions may be: His speech is difficult to understand. He turns words inside out, like “pisgetti” for “spaghetti.” He seems to grope for the right words, so you fill in the blanks, and it becomes a pattern.
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
is a child development program created to introduce children ages 2-5 to the game of baseball. Lil Sluggers classes develop important baseball skills such as throwing, catching, hitting, and base running. Developmentally appropriate equipment and games are used to teach your child the game of baseball in a fun, exciting, and positive environment. • Lil Sluggers has small class sizes, maximum 6 students per class. • All classes are held indoors. • Each Lil Sluggers class lasts 45-50 minutes. • No equipment is necessary for 2 and 3 year olds. • For 4 and 5 year olds baseball gloves are recommended. • Ask about our no-obligation trial class. • Make-up classes are available. • We do private group classes.
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I am most pleased to be writing a column for you, the parent, the single parent, the architect of your child’s future, and the one who loves unconditionally. You may not realize this, but you are your child’s expert. You have more moment to moment data than almost anyone else, and you have more intuitive knowledge than anyone ever will. it is you who i applaud, as you have difficult decisions to make, difficult challenges to encounter, and roads to travel that are uncharted. as an educator and a learning specialist for more than thirty years, it is the parents who i have come to know who teach the rest of the
Lil Sluggers
Phone: 410-729-0694 www.mdsportsplex.com web: www.mdsportsplex.com • e-mail: info@mdsportsplex.com
Continued on page 52 August 2017
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Your Child’s New Diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes
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Children’s National Medical Center
Life is hectic enough for single parents who juggle household chores, childcare responsibilities, occupational demands, deadlines, and try to find time for their own personal needs. getting through the day with relatively few mishaps may be considered a major accomplishment. a new diagnosis of any chronic disease, including diabetes, can disrupt the daily ebb and flow of routines, bring new anxieties, and wreak havoc on your “normal” life.
the importance of this simple statement. Both parents need to hear the same information. By uniting together at diagnosis, you are giving a clear message to your child that you both will be supportive and provide the same responsible care, even if there are separate households. This is applicable to stepparents, grandparents, and other members of the family unit.
in some cases, it may be impossible for both parents to attend the classes together. Upon reflection, your child may have exhibited Therefore, i strongly encourage that the parent symptoms of diabetes that may seem obvious not present at the original teaching session after diagnosis. or your child may have been come to a class as soon as remotely possible. diagnosed with diabetes after a routine office Demonstrate Competence to visit to his/her pediatrician. regardless, family Ensure Safety life will never be the same, especially in singleTo safely care for the child with diabetes, parent households. caregivers will be required to demonstrate The initial hospitalization and outpatient competence (blood glucose monitoring, insulin visits for teaching survival skills and more administration, etc.) to the diabetes care team complex educational components of diabetes before the child will be allowed to return to management are time-consuming, labor either home. intensive, and emotionally draining. a huge learning curve must occur within weeks of obtain adequate Diabetes Supplies for diagnosis in order to safely care for the child Each Household with diabetes. How does one manage to move The complexity of care for a child with type 1 forward and maintain a sense of equilibrium diabetes is considerable. Caregivers should during such an emotionally intense experience? be required to obtain enough equipment and Through a series of articles, i hope to guide prescriptions for every household so the affected single parents through the labyrinth of all child can be safe. i recommend at the outset to provide all the necessary supplies with refills for aspects of type 1 Diabetes including: both caregivers. in this way, if equipment is lost • Management (in transit, left in the car, insulin forgotten, etc.) • Psychosocial issues there is a safety net when the child visits either • School related Concerns parent. • research Considerations i will suggest strategies that work extraordinarily well to decrease the stress and difficulty in diabetes management for the single parent or caregiver. I hope to help single parents and families remain cognizant of issues that may arise as the child with diabetes resumes his/her previous routine after diagnosis.
Steps from Type I Diabetes Diagnosis: Where to Start Both Parents/Caregivers Need to be on the Same Page about Care and Management
md, cde
dr. Cogen is the director of the Childhood and adolescent diabetes Program at Children’s national Medical Center in Washington, DC, and was named as one of the Best doctors in america. She has served on the american diabetes association national Diabetes education recognition Committee and is currently the Physician representative of The national Certification Board for Diabetes educators. dr. Cogen also teaches residents and medical students at Children’s national Medical Center and George Washington university School of Medicine and Health Sciences. intensive insulin therapy and its effect on quality of life is her primary area of interest.
About Children’s national Medical Center
Children’s national Medical Center, located in Washington, dC, is a proven leader in the development of innovative new treatments for childhood illness and injury. Children’s national has been serving the nation’s children for more than 135 years and is proudly ranked among the best pediatric hospitals in america by US news & World report and the Leapfrog group. Children’s national Medical Center’s comprehensive Diabetes Team is available to families on a 24-hour basis. nurse educators chat with families throughout the day and our physicians are available for emergencies during the evenings. Children’s national provides a sense of safety and support for patients and caregivers. We are aware of the unique needs of single families and will help troubleshoot as you navigate the system. For more information, visit www.childrensnational.org.
keep Communications open with your Diabetes Care Team—use them as a Resource
The washington nationals’ Partnership with Children’s national
The diabetes team will support you throughout the journey. Most diabetes teams consist of physicians, nurse educators, dieticians, and a psychosocial team. Take advantage of the expertise that is available. Keep in mind that it is important to get through the first few days, then weeks, and finally months.
in March 2007, The Washington nationals of Major League Baseball, chose pediatric diabetes education and care as one of their signature causes. Through their commitment and generous lead gift, Children’s national Medical Center plans to build a designated a 6,500 sq. ft Diabetes Care Complex within the hospital. it will be a family-centered clinical care and education facility to serve children and families coping with diabetes. To receive more information or to help with the cause, please contact Dianne Wicklein with Children’s Hospital Foundation at dwicklei@cnmc.org.
as i continue this column, i welcome questions that may assist all single parents and caregivers. First and foremost, it is extremely important that i will strive to provide the best possible both parents/caregivers are available for the information for the care of your child. initial diabetes education. i cannot emphasize 46
About Dr. Fran R. Cogen
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By John M. Cutting, DMD
Give a Smile
With the hectic pace of life and the demands of being a single parent, dental care can often slip to the bottom of your list of important things. This shouldn’t be the case. Solid foundations in homecare and regular visits to your dentist are an important part of your child’s development. Consulting with your dentist or dental hygienist can answer any questions you might have and get you and your child started in the right direction for a healthy and happy smile. Parents often ask the appropriate time to bring a child in for his or her initial visit. The American Dental Association (ADA) recommends
that a child be seen by their first birthday. The first tooth should begin appearing around the sixth month, with the middle teeth
coming first. each child is different, but by its first birthday a child should have between four and six teeth. The initial visit is most often a simple visual exam to review the child’s development and ensure there is no decay present. Dental problems can begin early and decay is chief among these. Decay caused by children sleeping with a bottle, either during a nap or at night, or continuous breastfeeding can be very destructive. it is important to remember that baby teeth play a vital role in how a child’s adult teeth will grow and erupt. The baby teeth serve as placeholders for the adult teeth as they develop out of sight under the gums. encourage your child to begin drinking from a cup as they approach their first birthday and wean him or her from a bottle before 18 months.
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Get an Exam for your child by age 1 Brush Daily—It protects the adult teeth Eliminate bad habits like thumb sucking
It is also important to eliminate bad habits at an early age. Thumb sucking or pacifier use is normal for infants, but most stop by age two. if your child does not, discourage it after the age of three, as these
can lead to problems further down the road. in the same way that braces move teeth into alignment by applying pressure, a thumb or pacifier can move the teeth out of alignment. it is also possible that this constant pressure will alter the shape of the upper and lower jaws, leading to serious problems in the future, possibly an overbite (front teeth not meeting when the child closes) or “buck” teeth.
It is also important to make brushing your child’s teeth a regular part of his or her daily routine. The ada recommends cleaning your
child’s gums before teeth even begin to appear, making sure to use a soft infant toothbrush and water. Unless advised by your dentist, do not use fluoridated toothpaste until age two or three. in addition, most children won’t develop the coordination and dexterity needed to clean their own teeth until age three. it is important to be an active participant in your child’s homecare routine until they are able to brush for themselves and to check up on their brushing to ensure they do a thorough job once they start to brush on their own. iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
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The earlier your child is seen, the better the chances to avoid future problems. Proper homecare and preventative maintenance are vital to the development of strong, healthy teeth. For more information and answers to other questions, please visit the american Dental association on their website, www.ada.org. 47
Benjamin Mee from page 30 ways add that, you can do anything in life and don’t accept any less but don’t buy a zoo. and i spend a lot of time talking to my children about it, about our evolution as a family. our story is really about evolution in a way, in that we are always evolving and adapting. My children are adapting so well, it’s impressive really. They go to school and then go to an interview or really watch how they react or what they say. They are very “cool” with the all the new attention but they are very focused on the zoo, their lives and the people that work there. iParentSingle Magazine: How many people work at the zoo now? ben Mee: We have 20 really great employees. They work really hard and i am very proud to say we have one the best zoos in the world. We have 240 animals and most of them are exotic i am terribly proud to say they are all in really good condition. This takes incredible care and maintenance and knowledge of behavior and the needs of the animals. it’s not a small thing to say that, there is so much work done and we didn’t have any idea and I don’t think most people do. iParentSingle Magazine: Certainly a labor of love. You could have gone many ways, you could be working in an office and all the animals didn’t make it but...you actually pulled together and more than did it well. You triumphed and that can be very healing for the soul. You made it happen with your wonderful children and family. I would say you are very lucky but that you worked hard at that luck! ben Mee: It’s been hard, I don’t mind saying that. i’ve borrowed thousands of pounds, managed the tax office and all the incredible intricacies of managing a zoo.We had a tiger that trod on one of her claws and it went into her pad. She got very sick and quickly she had a very bad infection. We had to act on it immediately and decided to dart her and operate so that she wouldn’t die. She’s doing great now but when things like that happen, unpredictable events, they can be rather startling and put you in an emergency mode where each decision is, in the end, life and death. i’ve noticed it’s not just big things but the little things that can be just as lethal. You have to stay aware and conscientious. i’m in a routine now with school, day care, laundry, the entire mum and dad bit. it’s all coming together and comfortable. it’s amazing though how one little thing between the bed and the getting in the car can go wrong and it just throws me completely off. My wife was so able to handle 48
Living With Children things like that and not even notice. i just don’t seem to have those advanced skills in the multi-tasking but i’m working on it every day. Moms are just a natural at child rearing and multi-tasking. Men can learn but we’re the hunters. i’ve had to learn to think both ways to make it all work. iParentSingle Magazine: How do you cope with all that you have to do? ben Mee: it’s like the zoo just scoops the kids up. They are very involved and my son who is 11, unlike the character in the movie, was and is very in favor of the zoo. My daughter is very affectionate and gets lots of affection from the great employee’s we have. She really favors Laura and seems to emulate her in her mannerisms and even how she eats. it’s interesting to observe and I think it’s great they both have responsible role models and that it’s their jobs to care for exotic animals. They learn accountability very naturally in this environment. iParentSingle Magazine: Have you seen a difference in people coming to the zoo since the book and movie? ben Mee: in the last couple of years Britain has been in a big recession. it was touch and go as to whether or not we would even survive but thanks to the prospect of the film, after the book, we were very keen on keeping it all going the best we could as a family. after the film came out, we’ve noticed big groups of people coming to the zoo, in say, the last six weeks. So, we are getting ahead and being able to pay off some of the debt that kept us all going. it’s an exciting time for my family. iParentSingle Magazine: are you dating or have you been experiencing more interest since the increase of exposure in the media after the book and success of the film? ben Mee: i’m in a relationship with a wonderful woman, who has children of her own, for a couple of years now. We found some things in common that really help us relate and get along well. i feel so fortunate. When I go on book tours, there are a lot of teen girls there as our fans. That’s all kind of unexpected but has been part of the journey. iParentSingle Magazine: What is the biggest challenge so far? ben Mee: Well, animal health and unpredictability are two things that are really challenging and can never be ignored. They can get sick and it’s your fault, as i said earlier. How you handle it is your responsibility. raising the money for unpredict-
able events is a tough job but we manage it and everything seems to turn out in the end. Then there is the battle of captured animals. i usually participate in speaking engagements or talk shows about this subject as it directly relates to my zoo and other’s around the world. a topic of conservation of animals is important to me as well as that is an aspect of what we do as zoo keepers. iParentSingle Magazine: Are you going to hang in there with the Zoo for good or do you have other plans? Is there a new book or a new project in the works? ben Mee: i passionately want to get back into writing. i really love that being i have a background in journalism. Perhaps travel and of course take the children. That would be so much fun and they would learn about the world outside their world. So, looking forward to that. The zoo is almost self-sufficient and i can get away here and there. We’ll see as time goes on. iParentSingle Magazine: What advice could you give single dad’s that have big challenges in their lives and are raising their kids alone? ben Mee: adapting to change is a big one and it was for our family. Learning to remember but move forward, always adapting. Then, be passionate about what you do. if you’re not there, get there. Let your kids see you are passionate about something you believe in, let them experience it and see their own role model in their family. it can be a sport your child is in or an activity. give it your all. i’m not saying, push for world champions but be there, be involved, be real about it. if you’re not in a career that makes you happy, find one that does, that you can be passionate about it. Your children will learn that too and become happy adults. I really believe that and see it in my own life. iParentSingle Magazine: Thank you Ben. Learn more about The Dartmoor Zoo by going to www.dartmoorzoo.com. Better yet, stop by when you are in england or if you are already in Britain.
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
from page 20
Reviews of four exceptional parenting to even the most secular of hearts. Writ- as written in a style that children of any ten in a relaxed and conversational style generation will enjoy. as Supreme Parentbooks i rarely review books in this column because every time i do, i begin receiving numerous unwanted solicitations from not just book publishers but manufacturers of various and sundry products to make parenting even more expensive than it is already. Nonetheless, every policy has its exceptions. in this case, i’m making four exceptions on behalf of four exceptional books. First on my list is Dr. Kevin Leman’s newest, Have a new Kid by Friday (revell, $17.99). Leman is known for being a veritable fountain of down-to-earth, commonsense parenting wisdom as well as his sometimes mischievous wit, and he does not disappoint on either count in this, his latest tome. The subtitle, How to Change Your Child’s attitude, Behavior, and Character in 5 Days, might provoke skepticism, but Leman delivers in spades. His five-day game plan for restoring your authority and taking back your family is nothing short of a blueprint for effective parenting. Parenting is not rocket science, and Leman is one of less than a handful of experts who actually succeed in reducing it to the simple exercise in leadership that it is. after laying out his five-day rehab program, which is actually about rehabbing yourselves more than it is about your kids, leman spends more than 150 pages addressing every conceivable parenting issue from potty training to tattoos and body piercings. You’ll enjoy reading this, and if you do what he says, it will be transformational. For more information, go to lemanbooksandvideos.com. Then there’s Confident Parenting (Bethany House) by Jim Burns, host of the HomeWord radio show. i’ve had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Burns, and can attest that he walks his talk. The book is faith-based, but i can also assure that Burns’ practical, been-there-done-that advice will appeal
and full of engaging anecdotes, it should take even a slow reader no more than an afternoon to digest. Burns begins by talking about breaking generational chains of dysfunction, and then moves into the realms of effective parent-child communication (the best misbehavior preventive there is), discipline, boundary-setting, and finally, creating a family atmosphere that provides a sense of safe haven for all concerned. if there’s one word i’d give to this book, the word is inspirational.
next on my list is internet Protect Your Kids (Thomas nelson, $13.99) by Stephen arterburn and roger Marsh. if i was Supreme Commander of american Parenting, i would require that every parent read and pass a test on this book. as regular readers of this column know, i am more than alarmed at the dangers potential to allowing a child, even one who has a drivers license, to surf the Internet unsupervised. I cannot tell you how many times i’ve heard horror stories of good kids gone really bad due to involvement with unhealthy aspects of the information highway. Predators, pornography, the lure of instant fame through sites like YouTube, the debilitating addiction of online gaming—this book covers them all and more. after educating parents as to the shocking facts about the internet’s dark side, arterburn and Marsh provide parents with workable strategies for minimizing if not eliminating the dangers and maximizing the internet’s potential benefits. Last but not least, there’s Munro Leaf’s How to Behave and Why (Universe, $14.95), a charming and instructive little book on fundamental courtesies for parents to read to their preschoolers. This is actually one of a series—including Manners Can Be fun and How to Speak Politely and Why—that Leaf wrote in the 1930s and ‘40s. although written when today’s great-grandparents were kids, the lessons are timeless as well
About John Rosemond John is america’s most popular speaker on parenting issues. During a typical speaking “year” (approximately 8 months), John delivers more than 200 presentations to parent, teacher, and professional groups. His talks are provocative, educational, empowering, and perhaps best of all, entertaining. John promises that his audiences will laugh…a lot. a family psychologist by license, John is careful to point out that “i do not believe in psychology. a number of years ago, i began to realize that psychology is a secular religion that one believes in by faith. i lost my faith in psychology as i gained a True and Lasting Faith.” John’s nationally-syndicated parenting column appears weekly in more than 200 papers nationwide, including the Miami Herald, Charlotte observer, Pittsburgh Post-gazette, Hartford Courant, omaha World-Herald, atlanta Journal-Constitution, raleigh news and observer, albuquerque Journal, San diego union, and Honolulu advertiser. it is read by an estimated 10 million people. The author of ten best-selling books on parenting and family issues, John is currently in the process of writing four more, including “one that will liberate parents from the psychobabble surrounding toilet training, babble that has transformed something simple and straightforward into something stressful and complicated.” John’s other books include a family of Value, Because i Said So! and John rosemond’s Six-Point Plan for raising happy, healthy Children. “all that aside,” John says, with a smile, “my real qualifications are that i have been married to the same wonderful woman, Willie, for 37 years—a rich marriage that has produced two children and six grandchildren, all of whom are well-behaved, thank you.”
We Bought A Zoo at amazon. www.amazon.com
August 2017
ing Commander in my own mind, i insist that all parents of preschoolers buy this book (preferably all three, actually) and read them, over and over again, to their kids. Doing so would do much to improve the general state of civility, which always begins in the home.
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
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Much has changed since 1982, but one thing hasn’t – the quality of programs offered by the Parent encouragement Program. States one PeP class attendee, “This class has changed my perspective and made a huge difference in how i communicate and interact with my children and with others. i wish every parent could take this class.”
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Did you Know
let teens know the consequences of their actions. Be aware of legal implications of underage drinking. Know your teen’s friends and their parents. Talk to the parents about their values and expectations. Have your teen call you from a land line.
Communicate with your teen: • WHo will you be with? • WHaT will you be doing? • WHere will you be? • WHen will you be back? • HoW will you get there? • CaLL if for any reason you are not comfortable with a situation. Parents and teens can have a special code so that the parent looks like the bad guy!
NOTE: These are just suggestions and are not inclusive. 50
CAU GH
• no Drinking alcohol • no Drugging • no Driving while Drinking or Drugging • no Speeding • always Wear a Seatbelt • Limit the number of Teens in a Car • no Cell Phone Use or Text Messaging While Driving • no Unsupervised Parties
Believe in yourself, your children and a good life...
®
INTO OUR SING A HOTT WAY E IN 2 LE MOM R 017
let your teen know your values and expectations:
45
What’s a Parent to do???
that control. “PeP not only saved my life, it perhaps saved the lives of my daughters,” Lubic says. Lubic went on to take every class PeP has to offer and now teaches classes herself as one of PeP’s Certified Parent Educators. “Each session, I see parents walk in with the weight of the world on their shoulders feeling like they are at the end of their parenting rope,” Lubic says. “But as the classes end, i love hearing how they have begun to enjoy their family life again and to see them walk out feeling encouraged and empowered.” Twenty-six years later, PeP offers positive parenting education to approximately 1,500 parents annually in locations throughout Montgomery County, and Northern Virginia, including in its office in Kensington, Md. While much has changed in the area of parenting over that time, PeP continues to adapt its curriculum to include the latest research regarding child development and parenting techniques and to identify trends and needs for additional workshops.
page
STATS: in FY ‘07, 918 teens, between the ages WBAL Tv aired a story on this same 14 – 19 were treated at the Shock Trauma Center. of these 918 teens, 422 issue. The story follows one teenager, were admitted due to involvement in a Corey Ragan, an unbelted back seat passenger who was ejected 25 ft. When motor vehicle crash (MVC). nine of the 422 teens died. paramedics arrived, they found Corey, unresponsive, face down in the dirt. He was quickly assessed and was airlifted to
TH T E ACITN
Teenagers, by nature, feel that they are invincible and nothing will ever happen to them.
from page 37
A CI VI
The programs target children, adolescents and adults. Topics covered include seatbelt, bicycle and school bus safety, violence prevention (both domestic and street-initiated), drug and alcohol reduction strategies and sports injury prevention. a prevention education program was developed by shock trauma nurses to educate teenagers about the dangers of drinking, driving and drugging. The program was developed in 1980 and continues today. This program serves as a model for other healthcare organizations.
Shock Trauma in Baltimore. alcohol was a factor in the crash. For more on this story, you can click on WBaL’s website, www.wbaltv.com. This site also offers links to other prevention websites to educate parents and teenagers. Parents can have a huge influence on their children. Communication is the key. Strike up a conversation with your child and really listen to him or her. Parents should set boundaries for their children and let them know what behaviors are expected. Parents should be good role models for their kids. Parents should also make an effort to know their children’s friends and their parents. Below is a checklist of suggested questions a parent can ask their children.
You’re Not Alone
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Being a more effective, consistent, active, and attentive parent is a choice that only you can make. Enjoy your adventure.
Hello, everybody, My name is Chester Raccoon. I live with my mother Mrs. Raccoon, who gives me a Kissing Hand every time I leave the hollow. I also live with my little brother Ronny who’s a pest, but I like him anyway. He gets a Kissing Hand, too! I can’t wait to meet you and hear from you.
I love making new friends!
- NICHD The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
51
EN
Dyslexia from page 44
Financial GPS from page 39 ACTIon ITEM #2: fInD oUT wHAT IS GoING ouT THE DooR.
Many children have unusual patterns of language development; how do you know when you should seek advice? The answer is ‘degree and frequency.’ all children sometimes confuse the way words sound, but does your child need coaching repeatedly, and does he still make the same mistakes? Does this happen with many words, much of the day, not just with a few ‘cute’ mistrials. Will he outgrow these idiosyncrasies? iF the answer is that many words, much of the time, are mispronounced, your school system can assess children as young as 18 months old through their early childhood intervention program. a speech pathologist will do an appropriate assessment of your child’s language, and, if the degree of need or frequency is outside the norm, the system will recommend speech therapy or language development training. and there is no cost. The system will write an educational program to guide the treatment, and assessments will be repeated after a period of time to measure growth and progress.
difficulty, and lexia meaning ‘words,’ occurs because the language center of a child’s brain processes words, letters, and sounds differently than other children. Such learners need to be taught to read a different way, with experts who know how to teach the proper strategies and techniques. an early language problem remedied leaves more space for reading correction if a child is not making the connections between letters, sounds, and words automatically. Many parents i have advised instinctively knew their own child was frustrated with early learning experiences, but the teacher may have said: ‘he’s a boy,’ he’ll grow out of it,’ or it’s too early to tell. Yet the parent “knew” because you have so much data about your child, that the level of frustration was not within the norm. Finally you seek professional help, and learn what can be done to help your child. That is the point; if you have unanswered questions, advocate for yourself. advocate for your child. Trust your instincts. and take pride in your efforts. early intervention is key when the brain is more available and malleable. By seeking answers to your questions, you will help your child develop appropriate strategies.
So, why is it important to intervene when a child is so young? Why not wait to see if he outgrows this? Because early symptoms of language delay can be corrected, which will help your child when he moves to the next stage of language development, or NExT ARTICLE; Early reading, which begins with knowing the intervention was not alphabet, saying the sounds that letters necessary, but my child make, recognizing words, understanding is frustrated in school; stories. The science of learning has shown, now what? through research studies with hundreds and hundreds of children, that early language delays could be a first sign of a Jane Snyder, PH.D, reading disability, like dyslexia. Dyslexia, Founder of The Summit School Edgewater, MD. which comes from the words ‘dys’ meaning 52
Complete the Liabilities section by using your bills and checkbook. here’s an important tip. Did you know, “Paying on time” represents 35% of your credit score? So, do your best to pay bills on time. i know this is sometimes easier said than done. But, since interest rates on credit cards amounts to highway robbery, it makes sense to try and pay them off first. Credit has become a way of life for many. My wisest clients have taught me that one of the reasons for their financial success was they never spent what they didn’t have. So ask yourself, do you neeD it or WanT it? it is hard to say no to your children especially when they may be torn between two families and you want to comfort them with stuff. Stuff wears out, fades out or sits in a corner. Valuable family time gives us long lasting memories. i often wonder how i can help make the world a better place. Pay it Forward was the title of a movie in 2000, and this story affected me. The expression is used to describe the concept of “paying” a debt forward by lending it to a third person instead of paying it back to the original person owed. Sherree rogers (editor-in-Chief) through her dream of iParentSingle has given me my opportunity to “pay it forward” by sharing my experience. i have guided many people through each stage of their journey, and i look forward to being there for you. Would you like an opportunity to “pay it forward?” Send me your story via our website www.iParentSingle.com so that we can share them with our moms.
Coming up
in our next issue we will address the next 3 action items; (3) pay yourself; (4) finding a trustworthy advisor and (5) create or amend your Will. You can’t get where you’re going without knowing where you have been. See you on our next trip! Jacalyn Murray is Vice President and Senior investment Consultant with SunTrust Investment Services in Glen Burnie, MD. She is a Charter retirement Planning Counselor (CrPC), member of the national ethics Bureau and an active fINRa arbitrator.
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
August 2017
I’m a role model for my kids so every day when I wake up I… Co-Parent Go for long run, sometimes with the kids Make sure they have good shoes for healthy feet Eat clean food Have fun Be happy Work hard Love harder
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What Whatisiscommunity? community?IsIsititswimming swimmingatatthe thelocal localpool, pool,playing playing basketball at the park, access to quality education, basketball at the park, access to quality education,ororsocial social interaction interactionwith withyour yourneighbors? neighbors?Perhaps Perhapsit’s it’sresponsibility responsibilityfor for each others’ safety, lending a hand in times of need, or belonging each others’ safety, lending a hand in times of need, or belonging totoa agroup groupofofkindred kindredspirits spiritsand anddiverse diverseminds. minds.Whatever Whatever community means to you, the Y will always community means to you, the Y will alwaysbebethere theretotouphold upholdit.it.
AtAtthe theY,Y,we webelieve believethat thatallallkids kidsdeserve deservethe theopportunity opportunitytotodiscover discoverwhat whatthey theycan can achieve. With more than 25% of kids in the DC region either overweight or obese, achieve. With more than 25% of kids in the DC region either overweight or obese, we wehave havedire direchallenges challengestotoovercome. overcome.That’s That’swhere wherewe westep stepin.in.Created Createdinin2004, 2004,the the Y’s PhD (Physical, healthy & Driven) program has paved the way for our Y’s PhD (Physical, healthy & Driven) program has paved the way for ouryouth youth wellness wellnessprogramming programmingand andenabled enabledusustotobecome becomea anational nationalvoice voiceononchildhood childhoodobesity. obesity. Incorporating fun games and exercises, nutrition education and family involvement, Incorporating fun games and exercises, nutrition education and family involvement,we we are areensuring ensuringa abrighter brighterfuture futurefor forlocal localyouth youthand andour ourcommunity communityasasa awhole. whole.
Thank you ToTo our PhD Thank you our PhD ParTnerS For inveSTing inin ParTnerS For inveSTing our kiDS anD, ThereFore, our kiDS anD, ThereFore, The FuTure oFoF our naTion. The FuTure our naTion.
YMCA YMCAof ofMeTropolITAn MeTropolITAnWAshIngTon WAshIngTon 800-473-YMCA 800-473-YMCA www.ymcadc.org www.ymcadc.org
BeBea apart partofofthe themovement. movement.
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August 2017
iParentSingle.com | Fall June2017 July
what whatdoes doescommunity communitymean meanto toyou? you? “like” “like”ususononfacebook facebookatatwww.facebook.com/Ymcadc www.facebook.com/Ymcadc and share your and share yourthoughts! thoughts!
Ymca Ymcaofofmetropolitan metropolitanwashington washington BeBeGood, do Good, doGood, Good,feel feelGood Good 800-473-Ymca 800-473-Ymca www.ymcadc.org www.ymcadc.org Branch Branchlocations locationsinindc, dc,md md&&va va
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BE GOOD, DO GOOD, FEEL GOOD YMCA OF METROPOLITAN WASHINGTON Summer camp is a transformational experience. It’s an opportunity for children and teens to have fun and get healthy while making new friends, discovering new passions and challenging themselves in ways they never thought possible. At the YMCA of Metropolitan Washington, every child’s summer camp experience is of the utmost importance to us, and we are always building upon our programs as the times and our region’s youth change. Just as we offer a multitude of adult programs for any health and wellness need, we have over 70 varieties of resident and day camps serving ages 4–14. From traditional to sports to adventure, we are sure to have a camp to pique any child’s interest! The YMCA also offers scholarships to qualifying families during economically challenging times. Last year alone, we provided 2,814 children with $632,813 in scholarships, giving them the opportunity to make irreplaceable memories.
Parenting is tough! Too bad it doesn’t come with an instruction book. actually it does.
This is AACC.
Transform your spiritual, mental, or physical health, or give the gift to someone else!
Is your child afraid of the dark? Why doesn’t timeout work? If you have questions like these about the physical, emotional and educational development of your child, the Parenting Center at AACC provides quality education to parents and professionals. For information or to subscribe to a free monthly e-zine packed with parenting tips, timely articles and resource links, contact us. Students First.
YMCA of Metropolitan Washington 800-473-YMCA www.ymcadc.org 56
410-777-2325 • www.aacc.edu/parenting iParentSingle.com | June
July
August 2017
Dyslexia
Financial GPS from page 51
from page 48
cheaper place or by taking on a roommate to share the expenses.
ACTION ITEM #2: FIND OuT WHAT IS GOING OuT THE DOOR.
Many children have unusual patterns of language development; how do you know when you should seek advice? The answer is ‘degree and frequency.’ all children sometimes confuse the way words sound, but does your child need coaching repeatedly, and does he still make the same mistakes? Does this happen with many words, much of the day, not just with a few ‘cute’ mistrials. Will he outgrow these idiosyncrasies? iF the answer is that many words, much of the time, are mispronounced, your school system can assess children as young as 18 months old through their early childhood intervention program. a your body speech Reshapes pathologist will do an appropriate Restores flexibility assessment of your child’s language, and, if Tones, strengthens, and lengthens your the degree of need or frequency is outside muscles the norm, the system will recommend Strengthens your spine speech therapy or language development Improves circulation training. And there is no cost. the system Reduces risk of sports injury will write an educational program to guide the treatment, and assessments will be repeated after a period of time to measure growth and progress.
which comes from the words ‘dys’ meaning difficulty, and ‘lexia’ meaning words, occurs because the language center of a child’s brain processes words, letters, and sounds differently than other children. Such learners need to be taught to read a different way, with experts who know how to teach the proper strategies and techniques. An early language problem remedied leaves more space for reading correction if a child is not making the connections between letters, sounds, and words automatically. Many parents i have advised instinctively knew their own child was frustrated with earlyAchieves learningrelief experiences, from pain but the teacher may Reduces have said: ‘he’s a boy,’ he’ll grow your weight – lose pounds by out balancing of it,’ or your it’s too early metabolismto tell. Yet the parent “knew” because you have so much Raises energy level data Diminishes about your child, of that the level of the effects stress frustration was not within the norm. Finally Increases balance, coordination, focus you seek professional help, and learn what and discipline can be done to help your child. that is the point; if you have unanswered questions, advocate for yourself. advocate for your child. Trust your instincts. and take pride in your efforts. early intervention is key when the brain is more available and malleable. By seeking answers to your questions, you will help your child develop appropriate strategies.
So, why is it important to intervene when a child is so young? Why not wait to see if he outgrows this? Because early symptoms of language delay can be corrected, which will help your child when he moves to the next stage of language development, or reading, which begins with knowing the NExT ARTICLE; Early alphabet, saying the sounds that letters intervention was not make, recognizing words, understanding necessary, but my child stories. The science of learning has shown, is frustrated in school; through research studies with hundreds now what? and hundreds of children, that early language delays could be a first sign of a Jane Snyder, PH.D, reading disability, like dyslexia. Dyslexia, Founder of The Summit School Edgewater, MD.
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Complete the Liabilities section by using your bills and checkbook. here’s an important tip. Did you know, “Paying on time” represents 35% of your credit score? So, do your best to pay bills on time. i know this is sometimes easier said than done. But, since interest rates on credit cards amounts to highway robbery, it makes sense to try and pay them off first. Credit has become a way of life for many. My wisest clients have taught me that one of the reasons for their financial success was they never spent what they didn’t have. So ask yourself, do you neeD it or WAnt it? it is hard to say no to your children especially when they may be torn between two families and you want to comfort them with stuff. Stuff wears out, fades out or sits in a corner. Valuable family time gives us long lasting memories. i often wonder how i can help make the world a better place. Pay it Forward was the title of a movie in 2000, and this story affected me. The expression is used to describe the concept of “paying” a debt forward by lending it to a third person instead of paying it back to the original person owed. Sherree rogers (editor-inChief) through her dream of iParentSingle Clears your mind has given me ofmy to “pay Improves efficiency theopportunity immune system it forward” by sharing my experience. i Ensures healthy and balanced functioning ofhave the skeletal, circulatory, guidedmuscular, many people through each nervous, digestive, elimination, stage of their journey, and i look forward respiratory, endocrine, and mental to being there for you. Would you like an systems of the body opportunity to “pay it forward?” Send And more... me your story via our website www. iParentSingle.com so that we can share them with our moms.
Coming up
in our next issue we will address the next 3 action items; (3) pay yourself; (4) finding a trustworthy advisor and (5) create or amend your Will. You can’t get where you’re going without knowing where you have been. See you on our next trip! Jacalyn Murray is vice president and Senior investment Consultant with Suntrust investment Services in glen Burnie, MD. She is a Charter retirement Planning Counselor (CrPC), member of the national ethics Bureau and an active finrA arbitrator.
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