IP & PS Red nose day Joke Book Since its launch in 1988, Red Nose Day has become something of a British institution. It’s the day, every two years, when people across the land can get together and do something funny for money at home, school and work. There’s a fantastic night of TV on the BBC, with comedy and entertainment to inspire the nation to give generously. Comic Relief spends the money raised by Red Nose Day to help people living tough lives across the UK and Africa. Thank you so much for sending the SOC your jokes for our book! Now for 1 last thing – please, please help the Security Operations Centre on behalf of IP&PS raise money for this worthy cause by texting SOCJ50 followed by your donation amount (£1, £2, £3, £4, £5 or £10) to 70070.
IP & PS Red nose day Joke Book A mushroom goes to a bar, the bouncer say’s hey you can’t come in here and the mushroom replies why not ? I’m a fun guy!
Why did the potato go to see the Doctor ? Because he wasn't peeling well.
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IP & PS RED NOSE DAY JOKE BOOK
What kind of cheese do you use to disguise a small horse? Mascarpone
What has more lives than a Cat? A Frog ‌.. it croaks every night.
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I understand Ken Dodd visited the SOC yesterday
Did he ?
No Doddy
I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn't Happy
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IP & PS RED NOSE DAY JOKE BOOK
Have you ever had a chicken tarka masala? Its like tikka masala but a little ‘otter
Did you hear about the shrimp that went to the prawn’s cocktail party? He pulled a mussel
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Saw my mate Phillip at the hospital the other day, he said he was getting his lip removed, I asked him why, he replied he prefers to be called Phil
RIP boiling water‌ You will be Mist
Why do squirrels like to swim on their backs? To keep their nuts dry.....
Why do Marxists drink horrible tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? - No idea !! What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs ? - still no idea !! I Got 8 legs of venison from the butcher for ÂŁ50 - was that too dear?
Why does Harry Potter get confused between his best friend and his cooking pot? Because they're both called ron.
Did you hear about the inflatable boy who went to an inflatable school and broke their most fundamental rule? He took a pin to school. And when the inflatable boy was summoned by the inflatable head master at the inflatable school, the inflatable headmaster said... You've not just let yourself down, you've let the entire school down.
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The wife’s mother said: “when you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave”, I said “Good I’m being buried at sea”
A Horse Walks into a pub, barman says “What’s with the long face”?
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A man walks into the chemists and says “can I have a bar of soap, please?” The chemist says, “Do you want it scented?” and the man says, “No, ill take it with me now”.
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Doctor Doctor I feel like a snooker ball . Well get to the end of the cue‌.
I needed a password with eight characters so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
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How does NASA organise their company parties? They planet…...
How do you get down from an elephant? You don’t. You get down from a goose...
Conjunctivitis.com— that’s a site for sore eyes...
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John: My love life is like a Ferrari.. Richard: What? Fast & Furious? John: No...I don’t have a Ferrari
A farmer in a field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when rounded up he had 200... Where do pirates like to shop? Arrrgos...
People keep saying I’m in the closet… I keep telling them it’s Narnia business...
Why is 0 jealous of 8? Cos 8 has a nice slim waist...
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender...
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IP & PS RED NOSE DAY JOKE BOOK
Little Red Riding Hood was skipping through the forest on her way to grandma's house when she came across a pile of logs to the side of the path. Sticking out from the top of the logs were 2 big ears. “Mr Wolf, Mr Wolf, I can see you” she said. The ears slowly lowered out of sight and Red Riding Hood carried on her way to grandma’s. A bit further down the path there was a bush and Red Riding Hood could see 2 big ears sticking out from the top. “Mr Wolf, Mr Wolf, I can see you” she said. Again the ears lowered out of sight and Red Riding Hood carried on her way. As Red Riding Hood neared Grandma’s house she noticed 2 big ears sticking out from above the wall. “Mr Wolf, Mr Wolf, I can see you” she said. With this the wolf slowly stood up, looked at her and bellowed “will you go away, I’m trying to go to the toilet!”
A bounty hunter desperately seeking work walks into a Sherriff’s office and enquires about any wanted persons where there is a decent reward. The Sheriff pulls out a wanted poster for the “Brown Paper Kid” with a reward of $25,000, who is easily recognisable because he always wears a brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers, brown paper boots, brown paper hat & rides a brown paper horse. The bounty hunter agrees to try and find the fugitive and asks what he is wanted for. To which the Sheriff replies “Rustling”….