Bucking Generational Scripts: Black Women on Life Love, Sex, Relationships & Marriage by Bald-Headed Black Girls Press

Bucking Generational Scripts: Black Women on Life, Love, Sex, Relationships & Marriage Bucking Generational Scripts: Black Women on Life, Love, Sex, Relationships & Marriage

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

“When there is Woman, there is Magic” —Ntozake Shange Over the past one hundred years, Black Women have written themselves into the forgotten pages of a maledominated society and literary world. They have written about how this power constricts their intersections of simultaneously being Black and Woman. Ntozake Shange writes from this perspective. Her literary work begets a consciousness of Black contemporary femininity in a society that crosses many genres: Playwriting, Novelist, Poet and Essayist. In the celebration of her name and all that Shange represents, Black Women in Philly have come together to create a Sister’s circle/literary group entitled the “Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought”. Our cirle is a safe space where Black Women can be subversive and recover ourselves with words in the form of reading, writing and critical analyses through verbal dialogue. It is our hope that, Ntozake School of Literary Thought will be a place where Black Women can (re)affirm each other to heal many of the wounds that are inflicted by racism, sexism, classism, and homophobic views through our collective narratives. This is our seond year of the Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought and the second edition of our zine. In an writing exercise led by our Sista Diata, we decided to

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

write from the perspectives/voices of the elder women in our lives: our mothers, grannies, aunties, cousins, sisters, who influenced us, specifically with their views, opinions, and values pertaining to life, love, sex, and relationships/marriage. We wanted to know how these views/stories influenced Black Women today. What were the genders scripts that they consciously or unconsciously gave to us as a young girl? How have we followed these scripts? How have we moved away from these same scripts to carve out your own story around these same issues (life, love, sex, relationships/marriages)? Thanks to all the Sistas who contributed to the making of this zine, and Sis. Soraya Jean-Louise for allowing us to use her artwork for our beautiful cover and thanks to all the Sistas who bought magic to the Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought this summer…” -Iresha Picot

This zine is dedicated to the Sistas of the “Sistahood” (Ntozake Shange, Toni Morrison,

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Alice Walker, June Jordan, Lori Sharpe, and Audrey Edwards) who knew it was special to sit in a circle and create among other Black Women.

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

Contributors

Soraya Jean-Louis McElroy is a Haitian born, New York and Brooklyn raised mixed media artist. Her love of black womyn, black families and the African Diaspora are important central themes in her creative process. Soraya's anti-oppressive framework and commitment to facilitating healing through art-tivism has been strengthened by her work as a health educator, doula, community organizer, mentor, youth counselor and African folklore story-teller. "I'm not a formally trained artist- my experiences, ideas, dreams for my people and Afro-Caribbean-ness have given me valuable skills to explore and express what's in my heart- that's the best training to me..just loving and embracing my whole black womyn self and presenting my truth/s to the world."

Kimya Imani Jackson hails from Atlanta, Georgia. She is an artist and scientist hybrid. As a dancer, performance artist, new choreographer, experienced gerontologist, and a budding screendance (film/video for dance) practitioner she has been exposed to and explored all the ways the human body moves in various settings. Additionally, she evaluates medical professional and teaches silent meditation to beginners. Diata Jones a teacher, aspiring novelist, and long time poet. She is from Maryland, loves nature and traveling. One day soon, she will pack her things and live somewhere faraway and sunny. Ladiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Sasha Jones describes her work as archival artistry centered within Black narratives, home stories, and community histories. While currently studying at NYU Tisch School of Art as a MA candidate in Art Politics, she hopes to develop her skills in film and photography to further merge her interests in visual art expression with her documentation practices. In her down time, Ladi'Sasha enjoys traveling, women writer's circles, French and Nigerian cinema, and cooking.

Tunisia M. Owens works as an education specialist and youth advocate in the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Area. She is committed to the cause of domestic human trafficking. Prior to her youth development work in California, Tunisia worked as a diplomat for the U.S. government and served in Africa and the Middle East. Tunisia currently resides in California where she is the proud mother of a two-year-old daughter. 5

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

Iresha Picot, M.Ed, is a proud southern Black feminist, currently residing in Philly and grassing her roots as a Prison Abolitionist, a practicing photographer, a newly trained Doula, and book lover. She loves to create and has “mothered” many projects such as “Summer for the Sistas”, “Zami: Sistography Collective”, the “Assata’s Daughters Project” and “Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought”. Shanika Thomas is a 29 year-old school teacher from Brooklyn, New York. She received her B.A in Childhood Education and is looking forward to doing her Master's in Women/Gender Studies with a concentration in Africana Studies. She is currently residing in Copperas Cove, Texas.

Mama Soraya Jean-louis McElroy mama has no sword no gun no rope no whip to slice shoot tie beat these thuggish ghouls off her back they chew and gnaw and feed off her beauty those weapons only hurt a lil' no way mama got something more for her and us she got a black power smile full lips sun kissed skin breast that bloom milk to feed love of self

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

herstory not written in books hands that lovingly caress away

Cause aint nothing worse than having to take care a weak man You listening my lil grown up

our pain Daughter Love Scripts Ladi’Sasha Jones Mom Now you listen here little woman of the future I have a few things you should know as you get older you not a little girl nomore so I have to talk to you different about this stuff First, I want you to know that oral stuff is nasty some don’t even do it to dey husbands better yet some lil boyfriend you hear me Masturbation is best cause its safe and I dont mind you doin it my house. So when you feeling them lil feelings you bout’ to start getting, just go in the bathroom and handle your business okay Marriage is okay too. just try to pick’em right You don’t wanna be draggin in any ole thing Especially somebody weak

Bama O sex. Sex is good Yeah its alright and it works sometimes, but a baby reels’em in best Marriage is okay if you get there, but dont be all looking for love. I learned there aint no good mens out there baby and love dont exist no where but in dem books on that there shelf All you can do is try to pick one thats right for you and your dealings Otherwise you’ll be left with his kids and the babies from the next all alone Grandma What? Sex. That’s for the hot ones not a Jones woman like you, no Just let’em chase you and you take what you need but never open your legs for no lil snot nose you hear me Our women dont have to, nope. Unless you want to and then thats a whole nother thing It may be fun at the time but youll learn when youre left with a few brats And marriage, forget about it.

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

You from a long line of women who dont love. We tough men dont like that so you gotta pick’em right Dont take his shit and learn to fight I tried to teach cha when you were young Maybe now youll listen

I feel like I am forgetting to tell you something

Auntie 1 Honey, these four grown kids and diploma I got should teach you something about sex and men Marriage is okay I guess but I ain’t never been down that road Got close once but you cant trust no man girl Life aint about grand gestures If I’ve learned anything it would be to never get too comfortable with love unless you wanna grow old with dissapointment

Tunisia M. Owens My great grandmother Stella and her sisters beat a stove into tiny pieces when they were my age. They took whatever tools were handy and beat that stove until there was nothing left. My great aunt’s husband had refused to buy a new stove claiming that the old one still worked; well, he was no match for this group of very determined sisters. They had a meeting and decided that the old stove had to go and they were going to give it a proper burial. This and other acts of conscious resistance by these warrior women were passed along

Auntie 2 My pretty girl, just love’em and leave’em alone Be a fighter and a independent lover especially when youre young Just know that you may get soft with age and you may marry But try not to lose all your spark Them men like to take away your spark don’t let them

through the oral history of my family. Long before it was en vogue to declare oneself a feminist, my foremothers began a quiet struggle against the power structures in place that impeded their growth and freedom as women.

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

I inherited that spirit of resistance from my Granny, Stella, and so it was

imbalanced, to my own advantage. I would never measure up to proscribed

my destiny to be both an advocate and activist. It was never a question of

social rules, but I was born with everything I needed to be successful in

choice with me if I would be a Black feminist, the only choice was whether I

this world, in her eyes. Her life taught me to stand up, be strong, and

would declare it so. Before I could speak well enough to articulate my

advocate for myself. My other great grandmother, Ruth, was a

displeasure with the ‘isms –racism, sexism, ageism, heterosexism, classism,

wise and astute business woman. She was a Black share-cropper and migrant farm

etc- I felt the weight of being a Black woman living in poverty. Granny - the

laborer with her husband and ten children. Big Mama- her name in the

latent feminist- frequently expressed her own wisdom about how women had to

family- was not an educated woman in the formal sense, but she knew business

be creative in accessing power to achieve their goals. Always one to

and had a memory for numbers. She took advantage of the credit system at the

speak truth, she proclaimed upon being asked why she had married so late, “I

farm store in order to feed her family before they received payment for the

never wanted to get married, I only got married to get out of my father’s house

harvest. After a few seasons she recognized the cycle of poverty and

and away from his unfair treatment of us girls.” Through her acts of

financial abuse associated with credit. She told her family in no uncertain

resistance, Granny showed me how to use the systems in place, however

terms, “Ya’ll this season is gonna be hard, we gotta pay off this here man

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

and then we ain’t buying nothing else unless we can pay for it.” With great

myself was all that mattered when it came to succeeding in life.

determination Big Mama paid off that store credit and never took on any

At age 25 while living abroad, I developed friendships with women that I

other debt for the rest of her life. These stories of her great business

now call my sister-friends. They were 50 years young and had lived long

mind, her determination, and her perseverance also made it into the oral

enough to give me the wisdom that young people often miss because we are busy

history of my family. She too was a latent feminist who actively resisted

making mistakes. They loved and nurtured me in a way that gave me a new

the roles relegated to an undereducated poor Black woman. Big Mama instructed

voice, new hope, and reminded me of the warrior women in my family who gave me

her sons and daughters on matters of business, including using all their

courage to dream and excel. My sisterfriends helped me calm down the

talents to earn multiple incomes. It was her living example that taught the

passionate anger that is so common among twenty-somethings and helped me

family to hold multiple jobs and to have home-based businesses before the

recognize that hate is not pride. It was the women who helped me tease out a

term ‘side hustle’ was popular. She taught me to value all my talents and

way to influence community without losing myself in the process. My

to make sure others valued my contributions also. The legacy Big Mama

sister-friends helped me see that I had to be the author of my life and live

left was that my opinion and vision of

without regrets, even if I had to beat up a few stoves to get there.

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought whistlers themselves. My grandmother was one of them. Although her politics

Reflections of a Whistling Woman By Shanika Thomas

weren’t quite revolutionary, the things she taught me laid the foundation for

A whistling woman and a crowning hen are neither fit for god or men. I love to whistle. I’m not all that great at it, but I love to whistle, and it got me into trouble growing up because it was seen as improper for a “lady” to do. None of the adults ever

thinking about myself in relation to feminism and my advocacy for feminism. Never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Grandma taught me not to trust. She

could explain why. They’d just say it wasn’t natural. Whistling has become, for me, a symbol of declaring my liberation from the boundaries, stipulations, and limitations put on me because I am female. Although I was taught that I should not whistle, both in the literal and symbolic sense, that I should follow the rules that I should stay in my place, I’ve learned that the saying, “Well-behaved women rarely make history” is profoundly true. While most of my elders saw whistling as a no-no, some of them were, in a symbolic sense, 16

taught me especially not to trust men. She admonished me to be prepared at all times to escape. All men were potential rapists in her eyes; including my daddy. I was scorned by her if I sat on a man’s lap as a little girl. You can never be too safe. You should never get too close. Grandma died when I was twelve, but when we became teenagers, my sister and I could still hear grandma’s teachings resounding through the echoes of time: “Always carry a little extra money with 17

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

you when you’re out on a date”. She told us that when we married, we should

I have also learned that in order to achieve fully realized lives in this

keep a separate cash of money from our husband. We should have our own bank

world, we, as women, have to do more than teach our daughters to survive in

account along with a joint account with our spouse. We should keep cash

this rape culture; we must challenge and transform it!

somewhere in the house that our husbands didn’t know about in case we

Cleanliness is next to godliness.

needed to leave, I imagine, sometime in the middle of the night. Never let your

Grandma swore this was in the bible! She could not stand a dirty house. She

left hand know what your right hand is doing.

was not a religious woman but she believed in a divine presence. She

Several years later after reading

imagined that the presence of the divine would not dwell in the unclean.

Sisters of the Yam by bell hooks, I was challenged to make a commitment to

She could not stand clutter. I remember that whenever our room was messy,

truth telling. It is very difficult to make truth-telling a practice when you

grandma would walk in and say, “I can’t even think in this room!”

live in a world where the truth is seldom valued; where the person who

She often said that our external environment was a reflection of our

tells the best lie or can come up with the best excuse is often celebrated.

internal state. I’ve learned to value space because of her. “Not every corner of the house needs an object in it.” “Leave room to breathe.” “De-clutter!”

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

“If you block that window,” she once said, “how are you going to see out of

her female friends “auntie.” She made time to call and to RECEIVE calls. But,

it.” I’ve learned to make space for seeing

don’t get it twisted! She knew how to take the phone off the hook when it was

through windows; for opening and closing doors…

family time or when she just needed time for herself!

Sometimes blood is NOT thicker than

Tell them I’m busy!

water. I appreciate grandma’s willingness to

I remember grandma saying this whenever she was making time for herself. She

challenge the old adage that “blood is thicker than water.” Grandma understood

didn’t care if what she was doing didn’t seem important to those around

the need for a sense of community beyond the immediate family. She knew

her who were demanding her time. Grandma was going to MAKE time to do

first hand that your loved ones can be guilty of stabbing you in the back, of

her crossword puzzles, to read her newspaper and to watch her soaps. “I

hurting you in a way that no friend ever would. This didn’t mean that she

work hard,” she would say, “I deserve to have time to do what I want to do.”

devalued family. She just understood that while family comes first, friends

This in no way meant that grandma didn’t believe in hard work.

can often be like family. Grandma valued her friendships. She

I think that as women, we often have a difficult time seeing self-love and

made time for friendship. She valued sisterhood. We grew up calling many of

self-care as an important practice, a valuable work in and of itself. We live

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

in a world, post-women’s liberation, that’s led us to believe that a strong

would sit silently in the dark, listening to the thunder, the wind

woman is one that can both work tirelessly outside of the home (after

rustling the leaves, and wait for the storm to pass.

all, the women’s liberation movement did fight for that right, right?) and

I’ve learned to see the storms of life as a time for reflection; I’ve learned

take on the second shift without complaining. This woman is to be every

to be contemplative…

woman! But this woman is everything to everyone but herself. Both my

Be nobody’s fool Everything grandma said seemed to play

grandmother and my mother worked late night shifts at the hospital, so

back to this: Be nobody’s fool. Grandma despised foolishness and folly. She was

grandma expected that everyone would do their part to keep things running

trying to teach us to be critical thinkers. She was trying to teach us to

smoothly at home. She despised laziness but never equated making time

be independent. “You are all you’ve got”, she would say. “Don’t let nobody

to rest to being lazy. Grandma understood the importance of

take advantage of you.” “Don’t depend on no man!” Grandma’s warnings were

sitting still. One ritual she practiced that I will never forget was unplugging

constant; relentless. I think that all of us have had women

the phone, turning off the television and all the lights in the house

in our lives who taught us to value independence. They’re lessons taught us

whenever there was a storm. “Be still when god is working,” she would say. We

to understand that the world is not safe for girls and women, and that we

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

must secure ourselves in light of this fact. They labored over this fact. I

Complicated By Iresha

believe they wanted us to be prepared to stand on our own. Their labor was

Granny: “Little girls don’t talk loud nor do

not in vain. But now, we also understand that our labor as feminists

they sit around a lot of boys. They don’t sweat their pressed hair out

is not just in the vineyard of empowering ourselves and other women.

or make lots of unwanted noise. They will go to school.

We seek to do the work of building camaraderie with the men in our lives

Climb the ivory tower and when they come down, they will get married, have

as well, to bring about a partnership model, to undo dominator culture, which

babies, and make Granny prouder.” Iresha:

is sustained, not only through sexism, but through racism and white

“I was invisible so long, that my voice is now louder, and men aren’t

supremacist capitalism. We have a more complete picture of the work that we

thrown to me Granny, especially as I climb this ivory tower. And see I do

must do, but we stand on the shoulders of the women who came before us. We

not just write on my myself. One tattoo speaks of home, Africa. The other

will continue our work…and we’ll whistle while we’re doing it.

speaks of Blackness, Power. And my hair never grew with all those relaxers or hot combs. Now see how it swings because it has been release to a freedome.”

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

Dining Room Talks With Grandma Liz Kimya Imani Jackson

that I was with for forty plus years, it broke my heart….but I have a full

Often my Grandma Liz and I would sit in her buttery yellow wall papered dining

life… with my own interests and activities… it helped me move through

room around her small white table that slightly leaned to side and talk about

the grief. So when you decide that you are ready to get with somebody make

thoughts, experiences, and dreams. One particular day after getting her Judge

sure he has a life and make sure you do.” I nodded and silently said, “ Amen

Mathis fix, she turns to me as says, “ Your aunt has been bent out of shape

Grandma. Amen.”

because a man that she met a month ago is not calling her four or five times a

“Eubie” by Diata

day. A man doesn’t have time to do all that talking because he has to go to

Life for me has been hard But smile!

work, hang out with friends, he has to eat, and go to the bathroom. A man with

You’ll never know… Work, work,

all that time doesn’t have a life. Most importantly, you should be too busy

Aim to please, Keep a smile on.

having your own life to have all that time on your hands. If you don’t have a

I had to deal with abuse and venereal disease.

full life then you are doomed…..because all relationships come to an end…

But you will never know… Smile child;

either you break up or the person dies. When you’re grandfather died, a man

Life is too short.

Ntozake Shange School of Literary Thought

I lived 71 years, And was near death too many times.

It wasn’t your fault. Why did you stay though?

Near death at his hands, Near death from stress and trauma:

Why did you let him abuse you And mom?

Lungs collapsing from heartbreak and strife,

Why didn’t you fight back? Or did you?

Infidelity and domestic violence Almost seemed normal

I wish you could have told me what

You can’t leave though Shh… I will never tell you

ailed you, So it wouldn’t ail me too.

How I suffered. You gotta smile.

I will tell the others.

Don’t talk about what ails you. Work and take no breaks. Cause life is too short I know it is. --------------------------------------Grams, Why didn’t you tell me? All of the things that ailed you? So they wouldn’t ail me? Why couldn’t we talk about it?

! !

Did religion or shame keep you far? You did nothing wrong. 28

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