Ulster Rambles

BY DAVID MacCONNELL

I WOULD LIKE TO WISH A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOUSE ALL. I DO HOPE YOU HAVE HAD A GREAT START TO 2022. FEBRUARY WILL BE LOOMING LARGELY IN OUR LIVES HERE IN W.A. NO MATTER WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS, IT MOST LIKELY WILL BE BETTER IN EVERY WAY THAN WAS THE CASE IN IRELAND (ESPECIALLY ULSTER) IN THE EARLY SEVENTIES.

I have to confess here that I left the Province at that time for three years and lived in Spain. I never knew what I had missed or how fortunate I was until recently when I found a book by Kevin Myers called Watching the Door. To be honest, I thought I had read it some years earlier but either I had forgotten all of it (unlikely) or I had borrowed it and had to return it before I had read it (equally unlikely). The book is as much an unbiased account of the happenings there (mostly in Belfast and Derry) as you are going to find. The introduction to the book goes roughly like this. Watching the Door is the work of a lost young man, Kevin Myers, who drifted into a war zone, made it his home of sorts and somehow managed to stay alive while endangering himself many times. He graduated from UCD with a history degree and was lucky enough to be hired as a journalist for RTE, where he was a lowly dogsbody sent to the North where no one else (sensibly) wanted to go. Due to his carefree attitude, he was absorbed quickly into the local community and soon became privy to the secrets of Protestant and Catholic paramilitaries alike. I quote, ‘In his darkly funny account of life on the streets, Myers evokes with searing clarity a society on the brink of civil war.’ He found the knack of talking to loyalists, provos, paratroopers, squaddies, the RUC, the UVF and other organisations that were around at the time. He drank in the many different sectarian pubs and was more than lucky quite a few times. His father had worked in Dublin and Belfast but (wisely) left for England after the Second World War so Kevin was brought up and educated in England. Kevin was a good name to have in Belfast. It was a Catholic name yet he could get away with it in Protestant areas because of his English accent. The book’s title continues with the following: ‘Cheating DEATH in 1970s Belfast. Sex, drink, betrayal, cowardice, bravery, more drink and beyond all this, always, the violence... This book stinks of the truth.’ It is truly a remarkable account of the many atrocities that occurred at that time, but I would like to point out that most of those happenings occurred in very distinct areas of the city. Other parts were (relatively) much safer and people in those places watched the news in horror as did many people from around the world. A recent film, “BELFAST”, about life in Belfast in the late sixties was more my cup of tea, or should I say pint of Guinness. Celebrating Northern Ireland, the film was written and directed by Kenneth Branagh and it stars Caitríona Balfe, Judi Dench, Jamie Dornan and Ciarán Hinds. Branagh describes it as his “most personal film”. It is set in the 1960s and chronicles the life of a working class Northern Irish family from the perspective of their 9-year-old son Buddy during the late sixties. Buddy’s father Pa, or as I would have called him Da, works overseas in England, while the family - Ma, elder brother Will, and paternal grandparents Granny and Pops - live in Belfast. I must confess that I have never heard of the name Buddy but I suppose it might have been chosen as it has neither a Protestant nor Catholic connection... well not to my mind! On 15 August 1969, a group of Protestants stage a riot on Buddy’s street, attacking homes to intimidate the local Catholics, who happened to live in a Protestant area and were accepted as one of the community. In response, the townspeople set up a barricade on the street to prevent their return and Pa returns home from England to check up on the family’s wellbeing. The family attends church, where the minister delivers a harsh Paisley-like speech; the rhetoric

is continually reflected upon by Buddy throughout the film. Buddy develops feelings for a great wee girl, Catherine, of a different religious persuasion; the two eventually become friends. Local rioter and lead figure Billy Clanton approaches Pa demanding his involvement for the cause; when Pa refuses, he becomes aggressive and continues to incessantly approach Buddy. Meanwhile, the family struggles to pay off their accumulated debts. Pa dreams of emigrating to Australia or Canada, a prospect met with distress from Ma. However, she can no longer deny the option of leaving Belfast as the conflict worsens and Pa is offered a promotion and housing deal in England from his employers. They attempt to discuss the matter with the boys, but Buddy breaks down at the thought of leaving. Buddy and local girl Moira attempt to steal chocolates from a sweetie shop but the plan goes awry. When later questioned by the police, Buddy does not reveal his co-conspirators. Following this, Moira recruits Buddy into her local gang, who participate in a looting of a supermarket. A reluctant Buddy is coerced into stealing a box of laundry detergent before he returns home and informs Ma of his activities. Ma berates and drags Buddy and Moira back to the on-going looting to return their stolen items; however, Billy appears and takes them hostage as leverage for his escape. Pa, Will, and the army arrive at the scene to end the riot, initiating a standoff. When Billy attempts a shootout, Pa and Will handily disarm him. Billy is promptly arrested but swears retribution. This was the only part of the film I did not like. It was likened to various ancient western films, namely High Noon and Gunfight at the OK Corral. The atmosphere in Belfast at that time was very much more complicated. Realizing that they are no longer safe in Belfast, the family decides to leave for England. Before departing, Buddy bids farewell to Catherine; he later laments about whether he could pursue a future with her despite her being a Catholic, to which Pa responds that it shouldn’t make any difference. As Granny watches, the family boards a bus headed for the docks. The film was part of the British Film Festival but it is due to be generally released around January, so you should be able to catch it. The music score is almost completely Van Morrison and Jamie Dornan makes the typical Belfast working class accent understandable but not realistic. If you are not from ‘The North’ or have no connections to it, you might well want to skip the next paragraph or two because recently I found an article which described itself as ‘50 Things You Only Know If You Live In Northern Ireland’. I went on the assumption that I could use a past tense here as well i.e. lived in. Northern Ireland is a place of quirks and colloquialisms, here are some of the things you’ll only know if you live (or have lived) in “Norn Iron”!! 1. An Ulster fry is the best breakfast, lunch and maybe even dinner in the world (beans optional depending on taste). 2. You go for a “poke” while at the seaside and know what it really means. 3. There are at least 100 words which mean getting drunk. Here I have listed a few! (bladdered, plastered, full, stocious, blutered, half-cut, steamin’, wasted, hammered, blocked etc). 4. Everyone knows someone who says “bye, bye, bye, bye, bye” at the end of a phone call. 5. “Whadaboutye” is a traditional greeting. 6. You know which “part” of town you’re in and whether you should be there or not. 7. That the country is obsessed with “flegs” of various colours. 8. That soda bread and potato bread are much nicer than croissants. 9. You can fondly recall the delights of the annual summer trip to Barry’s Amusements in Portrush and the dismay when you get there, it’s raining outside and it’s packed. 10.We all know someone who starts every conversation with “wait til I tell ye”... because whet they heard is

“the gospel truth”. 11. And know someone who ends that conversation with “so it is” just to make sure you got the message. 12.You call the Republic of Ireland “the Free State” and don’t understand why everything costs more. 13.You have a granny who has a taste for “fruit loaf”,

“barnbrack” or “veda bread”. My sister who lives in England always brings back 3 loaves of veda bread and a few barnbracks whenever she visits the

Province. 14-25. You’re fluent in the local lingo and understand the meaning of “dead on” and “bout ye”, that a

“buck eejit” isn’t a particularly smart person, you

“boke” when you’re not feeling well and are “parful well” when you’re better, you’re “boggin” when you’re covered in muck, possibly from falling in a

“shuck” and boys a dear that’s enough for a wee while... so away with ye, wind yer neck in and catch yerself on. Bye bye bye bye bye... TIME FOR ME TO HEAD OFF AND WISH YOUSE ALL A PROSPEROUS YEAR AND MAY YOUR GOD GO WITH YOU.