Words Matter: Stop Saying Broken Homes

IT’S NOT JUST A CASE OF SEMANTICS WHEN there are feelings involved. Feelings and self-esteem of children who are not responsible for the fact that their parents are no longer together. Over the years, we have improved our vocabulary by using terms like mental health instead of mental illness, special needs instead of disabled, child custody is now parenting time, stepmom is now bonus mom. Similarly, we need to eradicate“broken homes” from our speech. Forever.

“This term is based on the dangerous assumption that “unbroken” homes are always better. Just the phrase broken home brings a judgment with it, not a fact,” said Dr. Khan. “Yes, divorce has implications and families with both parents present and having a healthy marital life is ideal; however, parental conflict with married parents may traumatize children far more than an amicable divorce. I have seen it a lot in my practice where parents who did not get along stayed together “for the kids” and it ended up being worse on the children’s mental health and personality development, something that has further implications on their adult lives.”

“The broken home sting isn’t limited to help people know what they could be entitled to as far as child support and parenting time goes. However, Muslims are often hesitant to come to these clinics because of “what will people say if they saw me here?” In that case, most attorneys also offer complimentary initial consultations.

HOW CAN THE COMMUNITY HELP?

The community needs to invest time and money in creating special programs specifically for single parents. We need support from the mimbars (pulpit) and stories about brave single parents in Islamic history.

“Our community still doesn’t know how to talk about marriage properly, let alone divorce,” said Rashed* who was a single parent for more than a decade. “Single parents feel invisible in their mosque. It’s not like we have a disease that someone can catch. It’s ironic that something that was normalized in the time of the Prophet is so stigmatized today.” childhood,” said Ahmad. “My former sisterin-law, an educated woman, said no one will marry my daughter because she comes from a broken home. It is just appalling.”

A broken home could be one in which two parents are living under one roof, but the environment is toxic. There is yelling, name calling and abuse, but just because mom and dad share an address, the kids are not considered to be from a broken home.

According to research from Harvard University, healthy brain development in children requires consistency and stability from at least one parent. This does not mean children do not fare well in two-parent households. Children thrive when the marriage is healthy. But when it isn’t, the marital status does not determine how well the child will do. What matters most is children have at least one parent who is emotionally safe and who prioritizes happiness over living in fear.

“Children deserve happy parents more than they need married ones,” said Ahmad. “I remember reading this one day and it has stuck with me since.

If someone needs an alternate term to slap a label, then consider saying single parent home. ih

“Someone once close to me said no one will invite you to events if you leave your husband. Families don’t want to mingle with single women,” said Ahmad. “I am proud to have proven her wrong today, but that thought was scary then.”

Imam Pavlíček believes the support offered to single moms in our community is getting better as the challenge becomes more common. However, events and support for single fathers is severely lacking. Consider a father that is desperately trying to keep his children involved in the Muslim community. Many children’s events are organized by women. The single dad may have to drop off his kids to the masjid hoping and praying that some sisters look out for them. The opposite is true too. Single moms with sons that hit the age of puberty are often told they can no longer bring them to the sisters’ gatherings. We must find alternatives. We also need matrimonial services for single parents. Just like a physician may want