Eye-opening Stats

› 23% of U.S. children live with one parent. In contrast, 7% of the world’s children are in single parent households.

› 80% of all single parents in the U.S. are single mothers.

› 15.6 million children live in single-mother households in the U.S.

› Only 46% of single parents receive full child support.

› 31% of single fathers are living with their own parents.

› Muslims are less likely than the general public to accept a divorcee as a spouse for their child.

› 61% of young Muslims wish their community provided more support to divorcees.

Source: U.S. Census, PEW, and ISPU to marry someone in the same field because they may relate more to residency and match struggles, single parents may be able to relate better with one another too.

Community members need to know who lives around them. If they know the true circumstances without judgment, they may be able to offer childcare for a single parent who has no one as backup in case he needs to go out. Without perpetuating stereotypes, a single mom would appreciate her neighbors coming over to help assemble furniture or mount a TV. A single dad would be grateful if the family round the corner invites him for a home cooked meal on occasion.

Reach out to single parents and see how you can help. Never assume they are rolling in alimony payments even if their former spouse earns well. Coparents often go to great lengths to avoid paying. No one hears an automatic ka-ching in their bank account.

If a single parent is starting from scratch, see if you can help cosign a car loan or help them lease an apartment. They might qualify for government assistance like Medicaid or food stamps. Help them with the paperwork.

What community members should not do is give bad advice. “I’ve seen people tutor ex-husbands to pay attorneys to try every loophole to not pay alimony (now called maintenance) or child support,” Ahmad said. “Such advice can be very damaging as it goes against the Islamic teachings of the father being responsible for his children’s needs. It’s their haqq (right). By robbing the children of that right, you may consider it a legal win. But it can haunt you in this life and the Next.”

HOW CAN SINGLE PARENTS HELP THEMSELVES?

“Sometimes mosques don’t want to talk about single parent homes because they feel if they do, it can be misinterpreted as them advocating for divorce,” said Farheen Khan, a certified elementary educator and Muslim parenting coach in Pennsylvania. “Muslims are not immune to this topic,” Khan said. “It won’t go away if we don’t talk about it.

She wants to provide emotional validation to children who are too young to verbalize the emotions felt transitioning between parents' homes. So, she wrote a book called, "One Thing That Stays The Same...At My Mom's House and My Dad's House." Even though she hasn’t included any specific Islamic traditions, it’s the first children’s book about single parent homes written by a Muslim.

“It is normal for children to feel a juxtaposition of emotions, feeling sad leaving one parent but excited to see the other parent,” Khan said.

When parents are themselves in survival mode in a divorce or separation, it’s hard for them to pinpoint what kids need. Through her online sessions and social media, Khan wants to help parents remain more child centered through divorce and beyond.

Single parents can also help their children by adapting to unique arrangements that work for their family.

“You need a good village to raise a child. They can benefit from multiple healthy role models,” said Rashed. “Our Prophet was raised by his grandfather and uncle.”

When it doesn’t become a tribal war between dad’s side of the family versus moms’ side, kids win. Rashed worked hard with his first wife to come up with an arrangement that he feels worked out well. They decided that while the kids were young, they would stay with their mother. And high school onward they would stay primarily with their father.

“We have a problem with masculinity in our community,” Rashed said. “If fathers are removed from the equation, the problem can get worse. We have a responsibility to both our sons and daughters to be healthy role models of manhood.”

Even though her husband died, Hussein tries to have her daughter spend time with her uncles, so she has a positive male influence in her life.

Shabnam’s* children were 2, 4, and 6 when she left her husband. “I left for my kids not to have to live in a toxic environment. I left for my mental health so I could be a strong parent for them. We are groomed in our culture to keep taking it. But we need to appreciate ourselves as human beings too.”

Coming to a healthy co-parenting stage took a lot of time and tears. Even though it may sound surprising, she credits her ex-husband’s new wife for being the best “angel mom” to her children.