Organizations Making a Real Difference

“ MY LIFE TOOK A HORRIFIC TURN WHEN one day in winter, my children and I came home to find our belongings in bags outside our home,” said Hala*. With two children in tow, I spent the day at the nearest mall to stay warm, but when the mall was about to close, I knew I needed to find a place to stay for the night. I went from shelter to shelter, only to be turned away because they just didn’t have space. Finally, I found Nisa Homes online and called them straight away. Alhumdulillah, they sent an Uber to pick us up and bring us to their Transitional Home. A caseworker was waiting to get us settled despite it being after hours. The women at Nisa Homes helped me secure a job in a local school. With this job, I was able to save enough to move my children into an apartment of our own and provide for them.”

Hala’s is just one story on the Nisa Homes blog. In a society where many sweep domestic violence under the rug, there are some that become agents of change.

Muslims are not immune to domestic violence and abuse. If critical services are not offered, battered women could have to continue living in dangerous circumstances. Abusers can become more enabled when they feel they can get away with anything. Research has shown that if women are able to connect with their community, they have a better chance of recovering from trauma.

Nisa Homes is the leading Muslim organization in Canada with 9 transitional homes

“I literally prayed for her, so I refer to her as my kids’ angel mom,” Shabnam said. “My kids get two loving moms, and it has helped bring my kids closer to their father. If I had wished bad for him, I could be causing generational trauma for my kids.

In return she includes her children’s new brother in as many activities as she can. He really enjoys spending time with his older siblings even if they do live in a separate home.

Single parents should refrain from badmouthing the other parent. You may be hurt (and broke) from the divorce but wanting your kids to hate their mom or dad may backfire and end up with kids hating both parents. Kids are not the pawns with which you get back at your former spouse.

If coparents “part with goodness” as recommended by our faith, they may not have to spend as much time and money in the in 5 provinces. A transitional home is not a domestic violence shelter. It is a safe place for women to get back on their feet again. 63% of the clients that come to Nisa Homes face domestic violence, 21% are homeless, 11% are refugees, and 5% face poverty.

Nisa Homes envisions a flourishing Muslim community in which help is available, shelter is attainable, and healing is possible. They provide confidential counseling, financial assistance, help with immigration status, a children’s program, spiritual support, and much more. They provide assistance in Arabic, Urdu, Somali, and Gujrati. Find out more at www.nisahomes.com

ICNA Relief is also making strides with 24 transitional homes across the U.S. In 2022 alone, they had helped 166 women and 101 children with housing needs. Since 2009, they have helped provide more than 27,000 nights of safety to women and children.

Their caseworkers vet clients who meet their eligibility criteria and are willing to follow the program. Transitional housing means that the women are motivated to look for work and become independentideally within six months. ICNA Relief helps by providing them with mentors who help direct them towards government assistance, job search, English classes, driving lessons, and so on. ICNA Relief maintains the dignity of their clients while affording them the opportunity to heal and develop themselves within a nurturing environment. Find out more at www.icnarelief.org/transitional-housing ih court system. Unfortunately, however, that doesn’t usually happen. A peaceful co-parenting situation is what a child needs. But if your ex-spouse was understanding and cooperative, they might not be an ex today. That’s when you need the law.

Legalities

Siddiqui hopes single parents understand that until the children are minors, their ex can keep coming back to the court system. That can be a good thing too as checks and balances ensure orders are respected. That’s why it’s crucial for parents not to rush the parenting plan in their divorce process.

You might feel you’ve spent enough time and money on the case, and you want to wrap up as soon as possible. But every line of the parenting plan is important. There is a basic template, but attorneys can help you add or subtract things that best suit your family. It’s not just about who gets to spend Eid al Fitr with the kids. It could also include which mosque they would follow for Eid day if there is a difference.

Parents should also have reasonable expectations. Unless there are significant safety concerns, the law requires minor children to spend time with both parents. Both mothers and fathers need to put their ego aside and do what is in the best interest of the child. A child should ideally have a healthy relationship with both parents. This can set the foundation for them to have healthy relationships with their own spouses one day.

“My advice to clients with high conflict co-parents is to track everything on a calendar. Try to minimize in-person conversations as judges need proof of everything,” said Siddiqui. “Also, please don’t vent about your ex on social media. It can come back to bite you.”

This Too Shall Pass

The initial years post death or divorce are usually the hardest. Single parents find it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But Allah does not burden any soul more than he or she can bear. Yes, it takes time, court appearances, boat loads of money, and many sleepless nights. But it does get better eventually. Some single parents find peace on their own. Others are happily remarried. Kids get older and parenting time squabbles fizzle out.

Syed’s four-month-old daughter is now a teenager and the center of his happiness. Ahmad feels all that stress and money was worth it for the peace and dignity with which she can raise her children today. ih

Kiran Ansari is the Assistant Editor of Islamic Horizons. She has been living in the suburbs of Chicago for the last 24 years.

*Few names have been changed for confidentiality