FAMILY LIFE
Raising Boys What I learned from the Turkish television serial, Ertugrul BY NOOR SAADEH
L
ike many Muslims the world over, I am hopelessly addicted to the Turkish TV series, Diriliş: Ertuğrul (English: “Resurrection: Ertuğrul”), based loosely on the life of Ertugrul (d. c. 1280), son of Suleiman Shah and father of Osman, founder of the Ottoman Empire. It’s an account of a time when men truly were men. Despite the gruesome sword fights and endless parade of villains and traitors and drama, this television series is often soundly Islamic and inspiring. Gender roles are clearly delineated. Both internal and martial striving (jihad) are constant with seldom a moment’s peace. Young men, whether alps (warriors) or artisans and farmers, are taught that men lead the community and their families and with honor, integrity, reflection and mercy. Boys are raised to be steadfast in battle and, when the situation demands, merciful and forgiving. Young boys are beloved by all generations and their community; imbibed with respect for leaders, scholars, teachers and parents. In addition, honoring women is paramount. These youth adhere to time-honored traditions and a firm, unshakeable belief in God, His Prophet (salla Allah ‘alayhi wa sallam) and the continuation and propagation of His deen. From an early age, boys and young men are raised with purpose and tested. Praise for their valor and character is balanced by the administration of strong admonitions when they’re out of line. The role modeling of an unwavering father figure and the tribe/community’s other male members help lead a young man firmly from childhood into manhood. One didn’t need to watch Ertugrul to mourn the loss of this time-honored passage. “O humanity, what has distracted you from your Lord Most Generous?” (82:19) reverberates in my head more every passing day. Muslims suffer from the same plagues as all societies — young people left without direction, industrialization, “civilization,” 40 ISLAMIC HORIZONS MAY/JUNE 2020
divorce, gender confusion, the empowerment of girls and the neglect of boys. Unlike in “Ertugrul,” the vast majority of boys can no longer expect to be inducted into their forefathers’ ways. Instead, we now promise girls that the sky’s the limit. The obvious physical and celebrated physiological passage has been replaced by the fairly recent — in historical terms — concept of “teenager.” Children now remain very dependent creatures well into their twenties, and boys who have reached the age of puberty are no longer sent to endure survival, training with arms or apprenticing with their father or other local men to mark the beginning of manhood.
ABSENT FATHERS, MEDIA PORTRAYAL OF MEN AND GENDER CONFUSION Unlike past societies, today’s boys remain at home through puberty, high school, university and, as is often the case with Muslim families, until marriage. Fathers disappear into an office/work, leaving boys at home surrounded by women. At best, fathers might be available on weekends or evenings; however, the family is rarely their first concern. In fact, some of the more observant Muslim men are more preoccupied with establishing Islam and paving the way for future generations that their sons sometimes seem to be mere afterthoughts. If the father is absent, how can he prepare his sons to become breadwinners, caretakers and protectors of the family? Other problems are the result of male beliefs, such as the typical idea that parenting is “women’s work.” Other contributors are the rising divorce rates, which result in non-traditional families, and the widespread nature of abuse — verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual — toward one’s spouse and/or children. Today’s cartoons and sitcoms reduce fathers to buffoons like Homer Simpson. No longer do we have sitcoms like “Father Knows Best” that depict a wise family man
and his common-sense wife. Mothers are now presented as logical, level-headed leaders as compared to comedic father-failures whose children possess far better insight and sense. Dad is now an idiot, and mom and the kids know best. Gender confusion is the new norm. Where people once believed that God prescribed the laws of nature, citizens now turn to legislation for their cue. No longer do we follow the Basis of Creation: male and female pairs. Women everywhere vie for the positions of men, while men take less of a role as breadwinner and share leadership with their wives. The traditional lines between female and male have become blurred. Both parents work, both are absent from the home and both share the same responsibilities. Who, then, is raising and role modeling for our children?
