Parent Connection Conference

In October, the Issaquah Schools Foundation sponsored an interactive Parent Connect conference on youth mental health & wellbeing. It offered breakout topics that families may face with their children now or in the future and included local experts. The conference gave parents a better understanding of the resources available in our community. Please check out some of the session highlights from the conference below:

Parent University: Strengthening the Family Unit

This session was presented by Lisa Koenigsberg Roshon, the workshop developer and certified facilitator of Parent University, and Kylee Mudrovich, certified facilitator of Parent University.

Parent University offers 10-week workshops for parents and guardians called Parent Project, with 2 hours each session and a total of 20 course hours. It not only teaches parents content/ lecture-based information, but also let parents work with their support group every week to learn concepts, techniques, and ideas for supporting children and addressing destructive behaviors. This program is FREE to the parents, and the course materials are provided by the Issaquah School District. Parent University is more than one program; it focuses on developing supportive home environments to support families struggling with destructive adolescent behavior. It teaches parents the skills to develop structure and predictability in the home, address drug and alcohol use, improve school attendance, and etc.

Parent Project Weekly Units Overview:

• Unit 1: Understanding our children. The foundation where we begin the workshop.

• Unit 2: Addressing problem behavior with your child.

• Unit 3: Active supervision and structure in regard to peer relationships, social media, technology.

• Unit 4: Improving school attendance and performance.

• Unit 5: Addressing drug use/substance abuse, identification, prevention, and intervention.

• Unit 6: Addressing out of control behaviors.

• Unit 7: Developing person action plans.

• Unit 8: Finding help and support.

• Unit 9: Developing healthy relationships and peer influences.

• Unit 10: Addresses the dynamics of change and how parents can visualize success.

The session in the Parent Connection Conference is a brief snapshot of their Unit 1 workshop to provide parents with some important concepts that can strengthen the family dynamic in the home.

Whether a toddler or a teenager, the single most important parenting tool is Love and Affection. It’s the key through all of parenthood. Parenting is considered the greatest form of love, requiring sacrifice and guidance. Adolescents, despite their sometimes-challenging behavior, still crave love and attention. If people think toddlers require the most attention, prepubescent and adolescent children possibly need even more love and affection. Love and affection are paramount in parenting, especially for strong-willed and out-of-control children, who benefit from open displays of love. While acknowledging that love alone may not entirely alter negative behavior, it serves as the foundation which the parent must start with. An example is, “I love you more than you can possibly understand. I would do anything to keep you safe. That is why you are grounded for the next three days.” Express deep love preceding a consequence. This reinforces the idea that love and safety are central concerns in parenting, even in disciplinary situations.

Three Most Effective Methods for parents to show love to their children:

• Verbal “I love you”: Verbal Affirmation to express love through words is a powerful method. Verbally say "I love you" to your children daily, multiple times if possible. Whether it's during drop-offs, phone calls, or bedtime, the repetition of these words is emphasized for better impact.

• Physical affection; touches, hugs, etc.: physical touch is a method of demonstrating love. Actions like hugs, pats on the back, kisses on the forehead, arm around the shoulders, or a simple squeeze of the hand are encouraged. There’s the misconception that as children grow into adolescence, parents need to reduce physical affection. This is not correct. Teenagers still need and appreciate physical love.

• Written “I love you”: Expressing love through written means. Sending text messages, leaving notes in lunchboxes or on bathroom mirrors, and incorporating love into birthday cards and sticky notes are also recommended. The idea is to communicate love through the written word in various forms and locations where the child will notice it.

There’s a distinction between control and influence in parenting. Parents do not have absolute control over their children's behavior, especially during adolescence. Parents can reflect on their own experiences as teenagers, likely to evoke a recognition that parents couldn't fully control their behavior during that time. While control may be limited, parents possess a significant amount of influence over their children's choices. Influence is presented as a more effective and realistic approach to guide children's behavior, contrasting with the idea of strict control. Keep in mind that parents serve as crucial role models for their children. Children observe and learn from their parents' behavior. The parents' actions play a vital role in shaping the values and decisions of their children.

There are three methods for influencing and motivating children:

• Positive Strokes: Verbal praise and recognition given to a child when they exhibit positive behavior. Motivate children by reinforcing positive behavior through positive strokes.

• Positive Consequences: Advocates for rewarding children for their good behavior. Positive consequences should not be treated as bribes.

• Negative Consequences: Involves the removal of privileges or desired items and activities as a consequence of negative or destructive behaviors. Should be short-term, fitting the way children think, and applied consistently every time a rule is broken. Due to the developing nature of the human brain, children and teenagers may need parental guidance to comprehend the consequences of their actions.

A strategy called T.E.A.S.P.O.T., which stands for "Take Everything Away for a Short Period of Time." involves restricting a child's access to various activities and items as a consequence for breaking house rules or exhibiting negative behavior. The restrictions include removing options such as phones, video games, computer usage, time with friends, and TV, leaving the child with only the options to read, draw, or spend time with the family. The effectiveness of T.E.A.S.P.O.T. relies on consistent application. The length of the restriction is less important than the commitment to applying it consistently every time a house rule is broken. For persistent and dangerous behaviors, the text recommends combining T.E.A.S.P.O.T. with other supports and resources, such as seeking counseling or treatment for a child with substance abuse issues. Overall, T.E.A.S.P.O.T. is presented as a discipline strategy that, when consistently applied, can effectively influence and modify a child's behavior.

To learn more about Parent University or register for this 10week workshops, please koenigsbergroshoni@issaquah. wednet.edu /mudrovichk@issaquah.wednet.edu, Or 425-8312686/253-740-1238.

Helping Adolescents Deal With Stress

This session was presented by PEPS in English (by Deepa Murugesan) and Spanish (by Gloria Martinez). PEPS is a non-profit organization that connects parents to strengthen families and build community.

The session addressed the stress experienced by adolescents during the crucial phase of adolescence and the crucial role of parents in guiding their children through this challenging period. The key points are understanding stress, recognizing stress signs in adolescents, coping mechanisms, and strategies for helping them manage stress effectively.

Stress is our physical reaction to things that happen around us that make us feel threatened. When faced with such events, our body responds with both physical and emotional reactions that send out an “alarm signal.” Hormones are triggered, and cortisol levels rise. Stress itself is neither good nor bad. It is merely part of living in a complex, changing world. Normal stress can be beneficial because it helps us build resilience.

Stress can also help us realize our values, motivate us, and make us work harder.

Stress is a natural and adaptive response to challenges, opportunities, and situations, particularly prevalent during the growth and self-discovery phase of adolescence. Stress can be categorized as positive, tolerable, and toxic. Toxic stress results in a prolonged activation of the stress response systems, with no time to relax and recover. It can disrupt brain development and impact an adolescent’s ability to learn and function in school, as well as their ability to build trusting, supportive relationships. The good news is that if at least one parent or caregiver consistently engages in a caring, supportive relationship, most stress responses will be positive or tolerable.

Recognize some signs of stress in adolescents, including changes in behavior, academic decline, physical symptoms, and social isolation. Coping mechanisms for managing stress include open communication, self-care, and setting boundaries. Modeling positive behaviors as parents include demonstrating coping strategies, a positive mindset, and resilience. The strategies for parents to teach their teens emotional awareness, healthy habits, problem-solving skills, and seeking help when needed.

Practical lifestyle strategies, such as exercise, adequate sleep, healthy eating, staying away from alcohol and drugs, limiting caffeine, time management, daily relaxation time, going outside, taking a break from stressful situations, and practicing mindfulness are effective ways for adolescents to cope with stress.

As parents, it’s important for us to recognize and address signs of excessive stress in adolescents. Potentially unhealthy coping mechanisms include substance abuse, unhealthy relationships, self-harm, or risky behaviors.

In summary, adolescence is a period of immense growth and self-discovery. Open communication, healthy coping skills, and empowerment can help adolescents manage stress. Parents can support them through this challenging phase by fostering resilience and overall well-being.

PEPS is now offering a program for Parents of Adolescents and Teens (PAT). Parents and caregivers gather weekly to connect, learn in a community, and find support. To learn more about PEPS, please visit: www.peps.org.

The mental health and wellbeing of our students is a priority area for the Foundation that we support through supplemental curriculum materials in our schools and training to Issaquah School District teachers and staff in Youth Mental Health First Aid. Learn more about the Issaquah Schools Foundation work and how to support at www.isfdn.org.