KARAOKE TOKYO IN24HOURS text: aaron davis + justin jamieson images: liesel cole + aaron davis
T
HIS NARROW STRING OF ISLANDS, 1/23RD the size of Australia but with more than six times the population, is battered by nature in almost every way: heavy snow in the 3,000metre plus mountains; 15 per cent of the world’s active volcanoes; an active fault line that produces one third of the world’s 4+ magnitude earthquakes; a rainy season; and around 20 typhoons annually. No wonder tsunami is a Japanese word. I have no doubt nature’s volatility helps explain Japan’s ubiquitous gambling, hard drinking and binge partying.
’’
japan
There are 5,000 English songs in the system but the beers in me select this one.
5
7
42 PM
25 PM
8
28 PM
’’
ARRIVAL
CHECK IN
HEAD OUT
“Country road, take me home, to the place, I belong...” Country Road, John Denver
“Relax said the night man, we are programmed to receive. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.” Hotel California, The Eagles
“Well, my friends, the time has come to raise the roof and have some fun. Throw away the work to be done. Let the music play on.” All Night Long, Lionel Ritchie
The large man behind the desk of the Capsule Hotel in the centre of town barely looks like he moves. Without saying a word and moving nothing but a chunky right index finger, he politely has me filling in forms I can’t read a word of, nodding that the towel in my hand is sufficient for my needs. In truth, it wouldn’t cover my pet parrot’s testicles. I remove my shoes and lock them in the postbox before scurrying through the door marked sauna.
I only have one night so I follow the lights. The Albatross bar supplies my first drink via a friendly barman called Yuji. It’s packed, even though I’m sharing the bar with just six others. There’s an art gallery upstairs but I would have to dislodge everyone to get to it. Many other bars occupy this strip called ‘Piss Alley’ near Shinjuku station – the world’s busiest. Each day, more than 2.5 million punters pass across a platform inside the rabbit warren that was targeted by religious terrorist Asahara Shoko with his sarin gas attack and Armageddon message. He will die this year, Yuji tells me. Ten years of silence means charges can be pressed and penalties handed out.
Darkness cloaks us as the train travels through fields and past houses to brightly-lit buildings in a quiet and comfortable silence. In 1962, the Shinkansen (bullet train) linked Kyoto and Tokyo at over 215 km p/h in time for the summer Olympics. It’s current speed is 333km p/h which, astoundingly, is set to almost double next year. People sleep around me. They are gently shaken by kind strangers when we arrive at the train terminal. I’m in the last carriage, which is ‘women’s only’ during rush hour – a reaction to the ‘groping’ problem that exists here. This wouldn’t work in the west. Female friends (mine anyway) would bitch about their fellow carriage mates. ‘Do you think she really needs to be in here? I mean, she is in no danger of a ‘touch up’ surely’. Yes, ouch.
’’
Give a guy a microphone and the same man who has trouble getting out a wedding speech never wants to stop!
’’
get in the know! After a Sumo wrestler was involved in a serious car accident the Sumo Association banned its members from driving their own cars.
ISSUE #09 get lost! #23
japan
HEAD OUT
Auto 9. The target slowly returns on the winch a little worse for wear. Akira and a colleague have come with a photo of their old boss. He says they have to photocopy some more versions soon. After a good drink and shoot they like to sing – and drink some more. My first karaoke song, but not my last, is ‘Africa’ by Toto. I can’t recall why. There are 5,000 English songs in the system but the beers in me select this one.
#24 get lost! ISSUE #09
’’
I take a long walk to a bar in Roppongi. I make it even longer by going through Shibuya where parts of Lost in Translation were set. Lights, massive LCD screens and flashing vending machines (yup, that would be a two-litre milk carton of sake I spy) pave the way and provide more entertainment than any iPod. I’m looking for Karaoke-Kan – the seven floors of karaoke box rooms where Bill Murray sang Roxy Music’s ‘More Than This’ in the film. I pass a theatre restaurant. Its brochures show handcuffed patrons watching near-nude female wardens through prison bars. The caesar salad in front of them looks good. I take a brochure. Hollow Point shooting bar is everything I expect. A shot here is literally that. I produce a picture of a former lover and blow her face out with an M93R
The big boys arrive with different coloured loincloths and all the others take turns to be thrown around and into the dirt floor.
5
’’ 03
8 AM
16 AM
KEBAB TIME
TRAINING
“Need a little time to wake up, need a little time to wake up, wake up...” Morning Glory, Oasis
“It’s the eye of the tiger, It’s the thrill of the fight, Rising up to the challenge of our rival,” Eye of the Tiger, Survivor
Tsukiji Fish Market is its own town: 25,000 workers, a library, a post office, restaurants and family stores that have sold knives to sushi chefs for centuries. The sushi bars nearby have become trendy places to end a night’s endeavours with the opposite sex: a few sweet nothings over $US40 of tuna and eel. My small but stylish – no sushi train here – 24-hour bar is full of young suits and older permed yakuza with Russian women who can’t speak Japanese and don’t appear to like raw fish.
They may have just started life as Sumo wrestlers, but these boys are huge. Around the National Sumo Stadium in Ryogoku are numerous beyas (stables) where a great time can be had watching some early morning training. The bullying of the smaller boys by older boys makes a few of them cry. It’s tough to watch – well removed from the relative safety and respectful veneer of society outside. The big boys arrive with different coloured loincloths and all the others take turns to be thrown
get in the know! Pachinko in Japan is widely regarded as having links to organised crime.
10
16 AM
MID-MORNING COFFEE “We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, and then we’ll take it higher.” Electric Avenue, Eddie Grant
around and onto the dirt floor. By the end of training it’s time to pray, bow and scream the beya motto. Everyone is wet with sweat and covered in sand. It could be a beach volleyball tournament. The master nods goodbye. For the past hour he has sat on a mat, read the sports pages of seven daily newspapers and smoked six cigarettes. Tough gig.
The otaku (geek) culture in Akihabara is a big drawcard. Ten square blocks of electric stores are sprinkled with costume play restaurants, hair salons and foot massage parlours. I just love the atmosphere. Am I a freak for enjoying watching the freaks? The maid restaurants pop up as you walk the narrow streets. A young girl smiles and is dishearteningly kawaii (cute). Her outfit is Wuthering Heights meets Evanesence. The coffee is very bad but that hardly matters to those who put their hard-earned yen through the register.
get in the know! Daisuke Inoue came up with the karaoke machine in 1971 but never bothered to patent it.
11
36 AM
GAME ON “Even on my favourite table He can beat my best. His disciples lead him in And he just does the rest. He’s got crazy flipper fingers Never seen him fall...” Pinball Wizard, The Who In the famous Ginza section of central Tokyo the Sony Building offers seven floors of Sony fun. I start at the top and work my way down trying to get on some of the latest riding, dancing, punching, shooting games. Seven-year-olds thrash me at all but the dancing game which I rule for 20 minutes before a four-year-old girl takes my crown, as judged by the machine that’s filming us. The digital camera on the way out weighs four grams, has one billion colours and is worth more than some countries’ GDP. I noisily wind on my disposable to get a shot of it.
ISSUE #09 get lost! #25
splendid Juliet Coombe awakens in an ancient Burmese temple and contemplates the mysteries of her host country. text: juliet coombe
images: juliet coombe
#40 get lost! ISSUE #09
get in the know! In Burma, tea is complimentary wherever you go to eat a meal.
burma
isolation get in the know! The beauty cream Thanaka is also applied to the face of men but only at night.
ISSUE #09 get lost! #41
A
LMOST EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE IN BURMA seems designed to baffle, even down to the days of the week. There are eight in Burma, including Wednesday afternoon. All women use thanaka, a bark-based yellow paste, in a variety of thicknesses and shapes on their faces, arms and legs. As a result, everyone looks consistently younger than their age, with skin that is clear of acne, blemishes and wrinkles. Cut off from the outside world due to years of political turmoil, the Burmese have developed their own way of doing things. “This is Burma,” wrote Rudyard Kipling. “It will be quite unlike any land you know about.” Nowhere is this truer than Inle Lake, where cats belonging to a group of Buddhist monks jump through hoops, cabbages grow on water and fishermen row with one leg. Nga Phe Cahung is a 200-year-old teak monastery in the middle of this sacred lake. The rather jolly Buddhist monks welcome visitors to their humble home, which also houses some thirty fluffy cats. At the clap of a monk’s hands, the cats perform the most extraordinary tricks. They line up and wait patiently in turn for the
’’
Inle Lake is where cats jump through hoops, cabbages grow on water and fishermen row with one leg.
’’
#42 get lost! ISSUE #09
get in the know! British author George Orwell’s novel Burmese Days was published in 1935.
burma
monks to place a hoop the size of a side plate in the air. The monks count in turn, “1, 2, 3, jump” and the cats bounce on their hind legs, leap four feet in the air and, amazingly, clear the hoop. This unusual behaviour started three decades ago, when the cats’ mother insisted on playing with the old monk when he was meditating. To get his attention she would jump through his arms. The trick amused the monks so much that they trained the kittens to do the same. As I travelled around Burma,I found many such crazy and sometimes sad examples of a country with its own set of rules. At the wave of a decree, the military government can uproot the locals and move a whole town in tourist spots like Bagan overnight, only to later deny anyone ever lived in the area. Fortunately, moving ancient monuments is a little trickier, particularly when there are 2,000 of them. The citadel of Bagan was founded in the early second century. But it wasn’t until 849 AD that King Pyinbya constructed the famous walled city and its twelve gates. The best way to see Bagan is at ground level, so I decided to hire a makeshift
wooden ox cart and driver for the day. I regretted my decision slightly when I discovered the ox bells clanged constantly as we bounced from side to side over yet another bump in the road. As my cart trundled along, I passed people carrying religious offerings of flowers and money trees to the Swezigon, Tote Wit Taung, Lawknmnda and Tant Kyi Taung temples. Locals believe that if they can visit three of the four temples before noon, they will be willed a lifetime of good luck. As I passed the different temples in varying states of preservation and disrepair, I lamented its latest custodians are failing to take care of one of Asia’s greatest wonders. Time has been a relentless enemy of this bewitching city. After a bottombuffing, hour-long ride, I was relieved when the oxen finally came to a standstill and I could climb onto the roof of one of the pagodas to enjoy the sunset turning the buildings from hues of golden orange to crimson and red. Sitting cross-legged watching the sky evolve through this spectacular rainbow of colours, I could have stayed all night. My guidebook suggested that the best time to see Bagan
get in the know! Burma is bordered by China, Laos, Thailand, Bangladesh and India.
ISSUE #09 get lost! #43
confessions
HELL ONTHE HIGHSEAS text: brad oakes
image: luke fraser
Earlier this year, comedian Brad Oakes signed on for a stint entertaining the passengers on a cruise around Australia. What had promised to be a relaxing working holiday became an ordeal that was no laughing matter.
A
“
HOY MATEY!” I CRIED AS I BOARDED THE good ship SS Unmentionable at Fremantle Harbour. Three decks below, I found my cabin between a cupboard and a fire door. I put my bags on the linen-covered double shelves, then realised they were bunks. I flushed the toilet, causing a pained shout from the next cabin. There was little to do but to lay on the floor in silence until the ship lurched violently. Opening my door I saw the green face of one of my fellow performers, a magician. “It’s always rough leaving Freo!” he gagged and promptly disappeared not to be seen for days In the evening, I hit the stage for my first standup routine. A couple of passengers laughed but many snored. This should not have been such a surprise when the average passenger age was 72. My dreams of shipboard romance were shattered. The audience may have been of an advanced age but my fellow performers were a great bunch. Dancers, singers and animators (kind of hosts), they came from the UK, France, Italy, Romania and even Brazil. “Shypsies” I called them, travelling the world performing to all nations. They were cheerful and talented folk – quick with a wit that inured them against life at sea. The rules onboard the ship bugged me. I always try to run my own race and ship discipline caught me well short. Sure, the ship’s master must have complete sovereignty at sea but the laws are made up for the amusement of officers. Daily edicts come and go like the weather and it was impossible to keep abreast of them. One night, I was refused dinner for arriving one minute late. I behaved badly, kicking and swearing (and alternately being polite to passengers) all the way back to my cabin. Using wine-skins, I began fashioning my own escape craft only to answer a knock at the door to discover one of the shypsies with food. In gratitude I even ate an orange.
#96 get lost! ISSUE #09
After seven days on the water we reached Darwin and I finally got ashore. If you want to see how Australians appear to other nationalities get a cab and pretend you don’t speak English. After heading in the wrong direction for a while, our cab driver freaked when I asked in my broadest Aussie accent if he was taking us to Darwin. He stammered something about peak hour but turned the meter off. And called me a smartarse. He started it. Darwin was boring but at least it was not the ship. My shipmates filled internet cafes and bought boomerangs and kangaroo pins while I sat in the mall playing my harmonica. A policewoman warned me about busking without a licence. On Day 17, we sailed through a cyclone between Brisbane and Sydney. Some of the passengers sang hymns. I now know the joy of hanging over the edge of a ship sea-sawing through a 15 degree symbiotic arc... or something. Two thirds of all on board remained below, under the weather. Foolishly I leaned too far over the rail and dropped something from my pocket. Sailing into Sydney Harbour the next morning, I sorely missed my harmonica. The shypsies and the crew threw a party but my own celebrations began five days later as we entered Port Phillip Bay. Tears formed as I spotted Portsea and I almost cried with relief as we tied up at Station Pier, just down the road from my house. “Just here thanks captain,” says I. The Safety Officer threw me a baleful look but I laughed like a man leaving hell. Hours later, I realised that disembarking takes twice as long as embarking. You require signatures from everyone down to the ship’s cat to leave. I tried to launch my wine-skin raft but it stuck in my cabin doorway. The batteries of the bursar’s calculator died as he tallied the deductions for my bar bill. The penny dropped – I slipped him 50 bucks and I was free. The magician reappeared and, as if by magic, we left together.
get in the know! The world’s biggest cruise ship, the Finnish-built ‘Freedom of the Seas’, boasts an on-board surfing pool, a skating rink and a rock-climbing wall.