MARCH 2018
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Up Portland 03.18 In Print * On The Web At: www.upportland.com * On Facebook Page 1
Sauntering With Mat
By Mat Robedee / Up Portland Commentator
Spring approaches, but like any smart Mainer, you have yet to hang up your parka or put away your snowshoes. The days are getting longer and most of the snow shoveling is behind us, yet looming around the corner are those last few sucker punch storms that will cover all your springtime dreams with a solid sheet of ice and snow. A friendly reminder this is the price you pay for living in such a beautiful state. The last thing you may be thinking about is where to stake your tent down this Summer, but honestly, this is the time to do just that. Maine state parks in 2016 alone had over 2.5 million visitors. Campers numbered over 250,000. Keep in mind; these numbers are for state parks and historic sites. So this would likely not cover cover Acadia, due to being a National Park, and possibly Baxter State Park, as it tends to do it’s own thing in regards to funding and management. Add in these visitors and the numbers are certainly going to skyrocket. So to get the real outdoor experience without having to crawl over your neighbor to get to your tent, it is best to plan ahead and prepare. It is suggested to reserve campsites six months in advance in order to book the most sought after and remote sites since for many of Maine’s most beautiful places, there is no such thing as last minute camping... and when there is, it
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could be quite the nightmare. In other words, you do not want to be that person located right next to the outhouse on a hot Summer day! The majority of booking can happen online after a simple search of the park you wish to experience. Or check out www.Recreation.gov which features a solid database with many ready-to-reserve campsites throughout the state and beyond. Acadia National Park, for example, has three campgrounds. Blackwoods often
Up Portland 03.18 In Print * On The Web At: www.upportland.com * On Facebook
being the most popular. There are no walk-in-sites at Blackwoods and everything is by reservation only. These sites start booking out a half year in advance for the Summer, which, regardless of this being the peak season, is still worth experiencing. Of course, there are those who pride themselves on their flexibility and trust their chances at finding a non-reservable campsite somewhere away from it all. Unfortunately not everyone has the joy of being able to camp mid-week during the Summer to avoid weekend crowds. The upside to the spontaneous “just wing it” approach is freedom. The downside is driving around all day trying to find a site when you could have spent that time on the beach or walking your favourite trail through the woods. Also, if you have children or are planning a multi-family group trip, to save your sanity, reservations are a MUST. While you’re mastering your proactivity and becoming a camping guru, make sure to purchase a Maine state park pass. The Maine State Park Pass is for day use only and does not include camping. If you made reservations in advance though, this should not be an issue. The passes recently had a spike in prices which has stirred some complaints. My advice, suck it up and pay it forward. Our park system is beautiful and we are fortunate to live in a place with such an incredible amount of natural beauty, its worth supporting. For $55 you can buy an individual pass, which covers just one person. A much better deal is to purchase a vehicle pass for $105, which covers a vehicle and all of its occupants --- up to 17 people, so yes that mini-bus from your church or school will qualify. There are also senior citizen and incredible veteran’s discounts, including free entry for seniors over 65 and children under five. All of this can be found at http://www.maine.gov/dacf/parks/park_ passes_fees_rules/park_day_use_fees.shtml There is a reason many campers are all over this, hovering over their keyboards, snagging the exact sites they want. So do not miss out, even as the snow still flies!
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Processed Media By Randy Dankievitch — TV Editor of Goomba Stomp If someone who hadn’t played a video game in the 21st century tried to pick up and play any mainstream video game of 2017 or 2018, they would not know what the heck was going on. As video games have shifted from being a shortlived experience to a long-lasting service, games themselves have changed, with the focus shifting from self-contained, limited stories to perpetual, ever-evolving experiences --- ones that keeps gamers engaged with various progression mechanics, like character level, gear rarity, and multiple in-game currencies.
because it’s an easy way to make money, and 2.) because it’s the only way they can actually make money off their games and continue to employ people (or else it ends up like Mass Effect: Andromeda, a big-budget game rushed to release to preserve profitability, that led to a signature franchise being instantly killed and the studio developing it to be shuttered by EA). In a recent investor call, Ubisoft noted an important fact: games released as one-off experiences maintain about 17% of their profitability in the second year (another by-product of a crowded, expensive game market: maintaining revenue streams is increasingly difficult). However, when games were offered as a “service” (like Assassin’s Creed: Origins or The Division), profitability in year two hovered around 54%, tripling the revenue from titles of years past. This is a very important number: first, it proves that in-app purchases, for all the negative fan vitriol and critical dissemination, work as a profit-driving mecha-
Some would argue this has led to a worse gaming experience; while it’s not a view I’d particularly agree with, there’s no denying the fact that gaming today is much, much different than it was 20, 10, or even five years ago. Games are increasingly system-dominated, relying on thousands of lines of code interacting with many other thousands of lines of code, series of interlocking physics, graphics, animation, sound and mechanical systems coalescing into a coherent, enjoyable product (at least most of the time… I’m looking at you, Mass Effect: Andromeda). Games in 2018 are undeniably more complicated to develop, play, and maintain than ever before: so why are they so cheap? At first, it seems like a heinous statement to make: the average studio-designed video game costs $59.99, regardless of genre (by that, I mean yearly sports games and single-player experience games cost exactly the same, most of the time), hardly an amount to take lightly. And in 2018, it’s hardly the “actual” price of a game: most games offer add-on content, one-time purchases or additional features/cosmetics/modes/anything else you can think of for an additional price. It’s an increasingly common practice that’s beginning to draw the ire of gamer parents and the government alike, due to predatory practices forming around features like loot boxes and gambling-esque features. But this doesn’t mean we as gamers are getting less for our buck. Take the cost of game development 15 years ago, in the heyday of the Playstation 2, the original Xbox and Nintendo Gamecube. Developing a game would cost about $5-10 million --- a price that would typically double by the time marketing costs were included, as well as the price of bringing a game from one system to another (since each game system does, and still, works on their own proprietary hardware and software integration/interaction). In 2018, that cost has ballooned to $60-100 million, just to produce a game like Grand Theft Auto V (which Rockstar reportedly spent over $200 million developing), or Call of Duty: World War II (which by most estimates, cost about $50 - $70 million to produce; a price that does not include its massive marketing campaign). The relationship between game development and cost has drastically changed in modern times. While there is certainly a larger market for smaller, $5 – $20 games to thrive in marketplaces like Steam and the Playstation Store, there’s no denying the unbalanced ratio currently existing in the industry. Even these “small” games can cost millions of dollars to produce, all with absolutely no guarantee of profitability, especially in the case of smaller studios. How it has begun to affect the actual “gaming experience” purity most people are staunchly in favour of defending is the issue. There’s two reasons every game in the world offers in-app purchases in 2018: 1.)
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Up Portland 03.18 In Print * On The Web At: www.upportland.com * On Facebook
nism. Secondly, it reinforces the idea that for a game to be profitable, it actually has to remain in the public consciousness for OVER a year to be worth the investment --- a painful blow to anyone who likes games not designed around online servers, progression bars and massively multiplayer worlds. This means that games are not making enough money upon release, and therefore need to be designed as revenue streams, not consumable products. Look no further than modern fighting games, which hide multiple characters behind paywalls from day one. So is there a solution to this? Probably not, but there’s always the option of making games more expensive. There was a time back in the 1990’s where games like Chrono Trigger for the SNES would hit the market at $80 (part of this was due to the game’s complicated translation from Japanese to English, but it’s still notable), so it’s not like the industry has adjusted to this in the past. However, every game that fails to be a massive success for a major publisher is leading to dire consequences: shuttering studios, curbing innovation and crushing an entire generation of game developers under the mental and emotional crunch of game development. To find out more, give a read to Blood, Sweat, and Pixels by Jason Schreier. So something has to change (and a new “violent video game” tax suggested by a Rhode Island Republican is not the answer - in fact, it’s probably the dumbest answer) but it’s clear the games industry is heading down an unsustainable path, even in the age of console resurgence, an indie development boom and record profits across the table for major publishers and console manufacturers alike. And if, as a society, we’re not willing to accept the natural capitalistic evolution of video game profiting (a.k.a. the fact rich people can now get the best equipment and features the fastest in new games, thanks to the need to find new revenue streams), then something’s gotta give to ensure that publishers can keep the lights on, and the salaries paid for the thousands of people crunching 16 hours a day to make sure we continue to have the memorable experiences we enjoy every year.
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Hackin’ The Net By Ted Fleischaker / Publisher Last issue, I was going to write a bit about the (then) up-coming release of the Apple HomePod, but I ran out of space. This is what I’d planned to say: I have been asked over and over what I think of, and am I going to get, an Apple HomePod. The answer is a resounding “yes” though I am still unsure how much I am going to be using the device. But before you take that as a negative review, you need to understand that we have so many gadgets and devices which do parts (or all) of the same things at our house already that I am uncertain whether we will use this enough to justify the price. I am impressed with all of the technology and speakers built into the HomePod, and as I use Siri on my iPad and phone, I am used to how and what and why that works, so I likely will have an easy time adopting, but the $349 pricetag is a bit steep... So now that a month has passed --- and that includes three weeks with the HomePod in OUR home --- what can I say? In a word: Wait! It’s not that the HomePod lacks great sound, because it has the quality sound as advertised. The bass is a bit much for this listener, but that can be a good or bad thing. In my case, with my ears’ 67 years of use and a little bit of a high hearing loss, I’d prefer a bit more treble, but the HomePod’s sound is rich, especially considering the compact size. So why wait? Because sadly, Siri has gone utterly, completely and totally stupid when migrated to the HomePod and there’s no keyboard or other way to give direction to the device. The Siri I know from my iPhone and iPad (and who’s still in both) seems to have suffered a major IQ setback before being placed in the HomePod. This is doubly true if you want to use the HomePod for anything but listening to very familiar popular tunes or artists... and that’s assuming you already have the hits downloaded to your iTunes library or are willing to spring for $9.99 a month for Apple Music. Try Siri on the HomePod with classical or something a bit less common among the younger folks (who seem to command most of the musical taste-making these days) and you can end up drowning in a sea of Siri ignorance. Just a couple examples from the first days its lived at our house: ---We are Jewish and classical music fans, so one of the most famous works we
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like is Max Bruch’s 1880 cello concerto, subtitled Kol Nidre. It’s been recorded hundreds of times and performed on everything from a cello to a violin and organ, so it seemed an easy tune to try out on the HomePod. Sadly, Siri was unable to interpret our correct pronunciation of Bruch’s last name (think sorta like “brook” as in Westbrook) and Siri ground to a halt. We opted to try differing pronunciations and even resorted to, “Hey Siri, play Kol Nidre” instead and got the response “I couldn’t find Kol Nidre on Apple Music or in your library.” Sadly, for the clueless assistant, it’s on both, because we looked it up prior to asking! Trying to spell Kol Nidre, since we were discovering that Siri has major issues with accents and pronunciations, did not help. The response was the same. OK, OK, you are saying not everyone wants Jewish or religious themes, so to make sure Siri was not anti-Semitic we asked for Coppélia, a very famous comic ballet to the music of Frenchman Léo Delibes. We got the same reply. Good news for non-rock or country music fans is Siri knows Beethoven’s 5th and the Hallelujah Chorus, but even those stand-bys come with an issue: Apple Music has many different orchestras in their files doing these warhorses, but Siri, not the user, apparently gets to choose which plays. Fortunately he has a seeming bias for London’s great musicians, but what if I want it to play the Boston Pops doing my Handel? No dice --- at least not thus far. One final word on this topic, just to see if we had a chance with Max Bruch anywhere, we paid a visit to friend Peggy, who has an Amazon Echo with Alexa. While it took two tries (maybe I do not speak as clearly as I used to) Alexa was able not only to find, but describe the Opus number and details of the Kol Nidre I was about to hear, and she played it, all within 30 seconds. ---Siri seems to lose memory, not gain it. We have heard over and over that these electronic “assistants” are designed to “learn” as they go. That means hopefully understanding their owners’ speech patterns and commands. Siri, however, did just the reverse. Since we couldn’t get him to play us Kol Nidre, we asked for music by the late Jewish folk musician Debbie Friedman. We were happily serenaded for most of the next hour by Friedman’s settings of different tunes played back-to-back, including one of our faves, the blessing for health and wellness, Mi Shebeirach. We were so impressed that after awhile, we wanted a replay so we asked Siri to “please play Debbie Friedman’s Mi Shebeirach”, only to be informed that (you guessed it) “I couldn’t find Mi Shebeirach on Apple Music or in your library.”
Up Portland 03.18 In Print * On The Web At: www.upportland.com * On Facebook
So where does all this leave us? Back at our original advice on the HomePod: Wait. We are told by numerous sources that Siri is in the lab for smart classes, so maybe he will be as intelligent as Amazon’s Alexa soon, but right now, at least in our three weeks with a HomePod as a roommate, he is a frustrating, disappointing dolt. Unless you want some very common tunes (and without a voice as to who plays if they are classical or have several bands having recorded them) you are out of luck. Siri is still OK with things like “What’s the temperature?” or “Who won the SuperBowl?” but since the HomePod is advertised and designed to be the big deal for music (check those speakers in the cut-away on the previous page), it’s hit a really sour note with us. Oh, and one other thing: In an effort to get the HomePod finally out (it was months late and missed Christmas) Apple apparently stripped Siri down to the basics. This means things like Pandora or Spotify or radio stations from the internet, and music from other sources can almost only be played if one streams them from their phone, pad or computer to the HomePod --- not directly on the device, which, remember has no keyboard and only the oft-poorly-aligned digital voice commands at its disposal. We won’t say Apple seems to have shot themselves in the foot because if Siri is able to locate what you wish to hear, the device is everything sound-wise we expected and was advertised in advance of its release. The sad state of affairs, at least in a home where The Beatles, Kendrick Lamar, Johnny Cash, Ed Sheeran and Kansas are not all we want to hear, is HomePod currently falls short. Finally, one last thing we discovered... if you get a HomePod and hope to use it as a speaker for your Apple TV we noticed a latency of several seconds between the video and audio. That politely means the lips on the screen and the voice on the speakers won’t match. It’s rather like a famous scene from Singin’ In The Rain in which early-day movie equipment breaks down with an hilarious result. The only difference there is nobody paid $349 for the laugh and back then they never heard of Hulu or Netflix. Wait! Finally this time, a quick note about iPhones. We updated in the Fall to the iPhone X and as recently as last week got a startled look from an iPhone owning neighbour who had never seen one and asked “where is the Home Button?” Well, the X does not have one. It’s all done thru gestures and touch (and facial recognition) and once I got used to it, the whole thing began to make sense. Sadly, this does not mean I do not miss my Home Button --- because I do. I still find it easier to push than gesture, even though it makes room for a larger screen. In fact, I am told the screen is “close to” the size of the one on my former iPhone 7+, though I miss that old phone and in many ways wish I’d not updated. So my thoughts: I hope this Fall, as is rumoured, we will see a new plus phone with similar screen brightness and features to what the X has. But I am sad as I hear we are soon to bid farewell totally to that Home Button on all models to allow more screen space, so it will likely not be back on the 8+ or the 9 or whatever Apple decides to call that latest, greatest later this year. I also am grateful as my carrier and Apple do have the upgrade programme, which means I did not get hit for almost a grand for the X, but that’s just one writer’s opinion, so head over to the Apple Store and try an iPhone X (and a HomePod) if you have not and are curious. But if you aren’t interested just yet, do what a friend back in Indianapolis told me he was doing when we chatted last week: waiting till this coming Fall to see what the 2018 stable has (We hear three iPhones!) and then making a decision whether to stick with his old phone or upgrade, keeping in mind that eventually, he will have to replace his 6+, as support for the “vintage” gear will come to an end. But again... rumours, just rumours. So again, let’s wait and see.
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Sports And Teams Welcome to Up Portland’s monthly crossword. And this time, it’s all about a variety of sports and the teams (high school, college and pro) who play them. From major sports to ones just a few folks take part in, we are doing our best this month to include you, so give the puzzle a try. You’ll find a lot of familiar (and maybe a few not-so) words here, all having to do with sports and your favourite teams, too, so rev up that dirtbike, gas up that snowmobile, bounce that basketball and be sure you put on that thinking cap, since while some are as easy as buying a ticket to watch the Red Claws play, others are a bit more difficult --- like trying to figure out which of those similarly named high school teams we are talking about. Sharpen your pen or pencil and as always, comments are welcome at ted@upportland.com and the solution (no peeking) is on Page 10. Oh, and above all, show good sportsmanship!
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cPort’s Coming To The Old Port cPort Credit Union is headed for the Old Port as they announced plans recently to open a new location at 35 Middle Street. The new branch is a result of increased membership during the past few years, including the credit union's 11-percent growth in 2017. The location, by Micucci’s and Duckfat, will provide local residents and members with more customer service options within the Old Port. cPort is a Portland-based financial institution that will now have five branches across Portland, Scarborough and Augusta. "This is an exciting time for cPort members as we build on our steady growth and continue working closely with our members to meet their needs. We place tremendous value on the face-to-face relationships we have with our members. This new branch in one of Portland's most desirable neighbourhoods is designed to give people even easier access to our products and services. Every day we strive to deliver the best financial experience to our members and we look forward to connecting with many new members at our third Portland location," Gene Ardito, president and CEO of cPort Credit Union noted. The location in the Old Port will be four floors and built using all Maine-based contractors including Landry/French Construction and Gawron Turgeon Architects. The first and second floors will be for the branch and additional two floors will be a condominium. cPort gives members access to a growing suite of products and services. Most recently, the financial institution has seen interest in their "citizenship loans" for members navigating the process to U.S. citizenship, asylum status, permanent residence, or employment authorisation. Founded in 1931, cPort Credit Union has assets of over $200 million with more than 21,000 members. Membership is open to anyone who lives or works in Cumberland, Kennebec, Sagadahoc, Androscoggin or York counties. For more information ring 800/464.0253. cPort Credit Union will share photos from the construction of the new branch at cportcu.org and on Facebook.
Jewish Film Festival Gains Adult Status As It Turns 21 Celebrating its 21st year screening movies that depict the global Jewish experience as a way to promote understanding and celebrate diversity, the Maine Jewish Film Festival kicks off Saturday 10th March with the German "dramedy" Bye Bye Germany at the Nickelodeon Cinemas in Portland. Notable highlights for 2018 include a screening of West Side Story on the 100th anniversary of Leonard Bernstein's birth, a star-studded tribute to Sammy Davis Jr., the surprising history of Hollywood bombshell Hedy Lamar, a profile of social activist Heather Booth, an intimate look at the larger-than-life persona of comedian Gilbert Gottfried, and a behind the scenes look at the creation of the children's classic Curious George. With recent waves of immigration reshaping Maine and incidents of anti-Semitism on the rise, the film festival views these shifting demographics and social conditions as an opportunity to create programming and events that celebrate and build community and around the world to Maine. Tickets are now on sale at www.mjff.org or by phone at 800/838.3006. A complete festival schedule, including featured guest speakers, panelists and special forums can be found online at the film festival’s website: www.mjff.org
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Food For Thought... It’s rare after almost three years of writing about restaurants in Portland that I get time to go to a place I have never been before, but on a recent two day run, I got to not one, but two places where I have never eaten previously. And I came away smiling both times, though that’s not to say everyone dining with me agrees with my assessments. Actually, this is a great place to insert a comment I should make more often: Reviews you read here (or anywhere) are the opinion of the reviewer and reflect what he or she encountered on one specific day (or two) when visiting said eatery. You may go and have a totally different opinion, and I am 100% sure some of the restauranteurs, especially those who get less-than-glowing comments, will agree with that as well. So, what and where did we venture anew? Over to 52 Washington Avenue for brunch on a recent Sunday at Terlingua and down to 30 City Centre, just off Monument Square for the newly-added lunches at HiFi Donuts. Let’s start with Terlingua, which on the web is described as, “a boutique BBQ restaurant combining house- smoked meats with Latin American Fare.” In truth, while the regular days menus are indeed heavy on BBQ and the like, the Sunday brunch is more wide in its selections and includes one of my Louisvillenative faves: a Hot Brown. For those unfamiliar, which is likely 95% of the readers as this is strictly a Kentucky dish, it was originally developed by a chef at Louisville’s famed Brown Hotel --- which is still open and at which you can still get one any day. Wikipedia describes the treat as, “The Hot Brown is an open-faced sandwich of turkey and bacon, covered in Mornay sauce and baked or broiled until the bread is crisp and the sauce begins to brown. Many Hot Browns also include ham with the turkey, and either pimentos or tomatoes over the sauce, and imitation Hot Browns sometimes substitute a commercial cheese sauce instead of the Mornay...” The issue, as one can assume, is that Hot Browns can be literally all over the map when it comes to what goes along with the basic ingredients. As a result, the Terlingua version (above right) was not quite what I, as a kid growing up and later as an adult living in Louisville, was used to being served, but it was close enough for a slightly homesick Louisvillian to get a huge smile on his face. The dish was likely helped, too, by one of the staff having lived in Louisville and who spent a few moments sharing tales with us of eating them at the Brown Hotel and elsewhere. Growing up in Louisville, they were as ubiquitous as lobster rolls or fried clams are here in Portland. So after all that, what’s the menu say about the Terlingua version? “House smoked turkey, bacon, tomato, poblano cheese sauce, Texas toast...” And how was it done? Very well, though it looked nothing like any we were ever served “back home” because in Portland it’s all about presentation, and Terlingua has this down. Their version was almost “rolled”
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in appearance and stood tall, compared to the flatter ones at the Brown or the late, lamented Lynn’s Paradise Cafe or the ones served in casserole dishes as the photo of one (below left) I enjoyed at Claudia Sanders Dinner House in Shelbyville, Kentucky, shows. How did it taste? Delicious, despite the staff informing they were out of turkey and were going to make it with chicken. It came out wonderfully authentic and while I could have used a bit more of the cheese sauce and none of the onions which were sprinkled on top, it rang a lot of bells and ticked a lot of boxes. Was it authentic? Not exactly, but aside from a Hot Brown I’m told (but have never found) occasionally hitting a specials menu at Congress Street’s Hot Suppa, it’s impossible to find this delight in Maine, so it was a wonderful surprising treat! So what about my dining companions? One’s a vegetarian and one just loves her salads (dare I say a “Salad Queen”?) so both opted for the way healthier (but not this reviewer’s style) Leaf Lettuce salads. Menu says with, “avocado, tomato, cucumber, sunflower seeds, crispy shallots, Terlingua house vinaigrette or poblanobuttermilk ranch.” They do love those poblanos over there, don’t they? One of my companions ordered her salad with devilled egg add-on, but Terlingua also offers pulled pork, jerk chicken, BBQ brisket and smoked seafood options. The salads looked great (for salads, which I still do not consider a “meal” but that’s one not-too-skinny man’s opinion) and the diners having them came away pleased, despite one saying the lettuce could have been a bit fresher. The bill for the whole shebang came to under $50 with tip, so I’d say pretty much fair and definitely in line with what we had. Staff was attentive, but not the hovering type, and for a busy, busy brunch time (it’s offered 10 to 2 Sundays only) I have to say there wasn’t any time we had a need or want which went unfulfilled.
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Finally, a word to please one of my co-diners: Loud. Terlingua is not one of those quiet places like Street & Co. or Harraseeket Inn’s Maine Dining Room, where one goes for quiet atmosphere. The place is downright cramped, with tables and a bar jammed in, and in Winter, with no outdoor seating, it especially can get hectic and loud. To one of my companions that makes it a “no-go” zone, but to me and many others (as I ran into a group of my neighbours at brunch) it’s just fine. Do note that the crowds can be pretty hefty and some folks did wait and a few left due to the wait for a table while we dined on a recent Sunday.
made eats. The restaurant opens at 6 a.m. every day, but Sunday, when the duo get a well-deserved rest.
And speaking of Sundays, and hours, I suggest you visit Terlingua’s website at www.terlingua.me and read the opening screen, entitled “Know Before You Go”. It’s not only informative, but gave us a giggle as it explains what’s on when in such a complex manner as to border on humorous. From call-ahead recommendations to Sunday Neighbourhood Nights (“please note we do not serve our regular dinner menu on Neighbourhood Night...”) it’s quite the read.
So what might be next at HiFi? Well we’d heard rumours of “lunch someday” for some months before it appeared and now we can report this visit, while eating that great lunch, we heard rumblings of a “dinner menu sometime” ... and there’s Ari’s idea to eventually go 24 hours and offer lobster donuts, too. Yes, really ’cause this IS Maine!
So, will we go back to Terlingua? Definite yes for the Hot Brown and friendly staff. Will our dining companions we had recently be returning? One says no way with the noise level, and the other didn’t sound enthusiastic about a return, but didn’t rule one out, either when she told us, “I would go back if I was with friends who really wanted to go there, but I wouldn’t suggest it myself.”
So will we be back? Certainly. And is the work being done at HiFi getting noticed? Yes, and not just by us, either, as on one of our lunch test days the restaurant was invaded by a whole group from Maine Foodie Tours who were given a royal welcome and a lot of samples by a smiling Melissa, as Ari manned the counter.
Anyway, these guys know what to do and they do it in steps, with care, so they get it right before moving on. Stop by and try a breakfast, a lunch or just one of those crullers which are so light they float off the plates. HiFi Donuts is at 30 City Centre, right next door to Longfellow Books. You can find them online at www.hifidonuts.com though like the shop, the website is still a work in progress. Right now hours are 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. weekdays and Saturdays, but don’t be late or you will miss out!
So there you have it. I need to go try a different meal (with a different menu) though as I am not a huge BBQ fan, I don’t think I will be the best fit for anything else. Also, because I love the brunches and Hot Browns so much, I’m not sure I could bring myself to order anything else. From Washington Avenue, my next stop this month was just off Monument Square, where they got the “hole thing” going down at 30 City Centre, where Ari Modugno and Melissa Selvon opened HiFi Donuts & Coffee last year in the space where Hero existed for a hot second. But we did not look for this to remain “just” a donut shop for very long, given that Ari’s a New Jersey native who has done everything restaurant from fine dining to managing at OTTO pizza and everywhere from the East Coast to California. And Melissa, as if anyone had to guess with the thick accent, is a British native who knows her food and how to please a customer or two, with experience behind a stove in the UK and at Munjoy Hill’s Front Room. In other words, while donuts are (and will remain) their main “game” the duo has been looking at expanding their offerings and schedule almost since day one. After adding a breakfast special a few months back, the great news (for we late risers) is that as of this writing, lunch is served at HiFi. We were fortunate enough to make it in for lunches there twice during their “testing week” and found both the Eggplant Parm and the Panko Chicken (at right) to be little short of wonderful. Add to it all that the atmosphere is upbeat and friendly, the shop has free WiFi (in HiFi, LOL) and it’s a happy, sunny way to break for lunch in between shopping on Congress Street and Exchange Street, or somewhere to pop in for lunch before a film at the Nickelodeon just down the block or to grab a fast (and good) bite if you are stuck in one of the myriad of nearby offices. Add in the fact that two of us ate for right at $25 with tip and the word “economical” also springs to mind. In other words, Ari and Melissa know what to do and do it right affordably. Given their combined years in the biz, that’s not a great shock, but considering the number of self-important chefs and restaurants on the Peninsula, it’s great to see one run by experts who are down-to-earth with their menu, pricing and attitudes. If one wants to head high (like toward heaven) at HiFi all they need to do is go for one of the HiFi French Crullers. These puffy, light delights are the best I have ever had, even beating the ones from the long-gone Federal Bakery back in my childhood hometown of Louisville. There are many other varieties of donuts available daily, but to see and taste the full range, plan to set an early alarm as HiFi tends to sell out now that word’s out about the great quality and house-
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Beyond The Forecast
By Jack Sillin / Weatherman & Meterology Student Hello everyone!
We’re all familiar with Nor’easters here in Maine, having experienced dozens of them over the years. Most of the times the storms are a nuisance, bringing some rain or snow and a few wind gusts before racing off to the Canadian Maritimes. Once every so often, however, we get a Nor’easter that has different plans in mind. These storms explode just offshore into powerful behemoths that bring impacts more akin to hurricanes than Winter storms. Winds gust to hurricane force, bringing trees and power lines crashing to the ground. The ocean gets whipped into a frenzy with towering waves and a storm surge that inundates low lying areas. One of these storms appeared on weather forecast maps as we approached the end of February, so I decided I’d chase it to Cape Cod, where wind gusts were forecast to reach 90 m.p.h. as the core of the storm meandered just offshore. The chase began on the evening of Thursday 1st March when I drove down to Boston to spend the night with family. I knew I needed to be on the Cape early Friday morning, before winds got high enough to close the Bourne and Sagamore bridges over the canals. When I arrived in the city, winds were already gusting over 30 m.p.h. out of the northeast, and traffic lights swayed in the breeze. I departed Boston at 4.30 a.m. Friday, just as rain was beginning to fall. The storm was centered only a couple hundred miles south of Nantucket and was rapidly strengthening. Wind gusts hovered around 40 m.p.h., which was manageable for driving even across the high Cape bridges. After stopping for some coffee and last minute analysis, I decided on a target location for the day: Nauset Light Beach. It would be fully exposed to the ferocious NE gusts, and it had a parking lot atop a 20 foot bluff that meant I wouldn’t have to worry about the storm surge and that high ground was always close by.
Drifts well over a foot tall could be seen in the lee of vast trenches carved from the dunes by the waves, and it will be a long time before I get each and every grain out from the inside of my car. As sunset approached, I decided to start moving toward shelter for the night as driving through hurricane force wind gusts with the possibility of trees and power lines falling was daunting enough without darkness. It didn’t take long to realise that making it back to my original destination of Dennis, Massachusetts, wasn’t the safest option, so I opted to stay the night in Chatham, which was closer both to where I was and to the centre of the storm. As I arrived, the wind gusts continued to intensify, and nearby weather stations were reporting gusts above 80 m.p.h. After dinner, gusts over 90 m.p.h. were being reported. Those gusts were strong enough to shake the hotel where I was staying. Each time one hit, the ceiling fan’s blades would jump up and down, and waves formed in the toilet bowl. It didn’t take long for the power to go out at the hotel, either, and after a long day it was time to catch some rest. Dawn broke on Saturday morning with winds calming to 50-60 m.p.h. and rain tapering off to occasional drizzle. The morning light revealed sights often seen after hurricanes: a boat grounded on the beach and waves over 30 feet pounding on the sand bar merely a hundred yards away. While no significant damage was visible from the hotel, pictures came in from neighbouring towns of entire roads covered in a thick carpet of downed trees and mangled electrical infrastructure. While the core of the damaging winds had moved back offshore, gusts over 50 m.p.h. were still frequent, and there was one more high tide that promised to provide a good show. I decided to return to Nauset Beach for that, as I knew high ground was nearby and the dunes had already been eroded nearly back to a boardwalk and series of signposts/fences that were sure to crumble into the waves. Sure enough, the tide produced. I arrived an hour before high and waves were already crashing over the dunes and into the parking lot. Each time a set rolled in it claimed a new victim on the beach... first a sign post, then a fence, then an entire segment of boardwalk. The small crowd of enthused storm watchers who had gathered cheered and marveled at the ocean’s power. While the waves crashing in front of us ranged from 5 to 15 feet, you could look up and see waves likely over 30 feet tumbling just offshore.
As high tide approached, winds began gusting over 50 m.p.h., which was enough to get the car shaking. Waves crashing onto the beach nearby were in the 10-15 foot range, and the water came within a mere six inches of overtopping the dunes protecting nearby wetlands. As the tide settled down, it was time to adjust locations slightly to minimise the driving during the worst part of the storm. After a quick stop for lunch, I picked my next target: Nauset Beach. It was closer to hotels in Chatham and offered a similarly exposed location free from the threat of flying debris, which becomes an issue once winds exceed hurricane force. By the time I arrived a little after 3 p.m., it took sizeable effort even to open the car door into the wind gusts, which were moving up into the 60 m.p.h. range. Waves pounded the beach, but because it was near low tide, there weren’t any flooding issues. As the afternoon wore on and wind gusts moved up into the 70 m.p.h. range, a strange and amazing thing began to happen: the sand, soaked through by the tide and the rain, began to drift like snow. Standing on the beach, you were forced to have your back to the wind or else sand would find its way into your eyes, nose, ears, and mouth --- no matter how hard you tried to prevent that.
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In just two hours, the ocean had claimed over six feet of beach, a large sign, a ten foot segment of boardwalk, and an entire fence. Just to the south, the waves had breached the dunes and cut an entirely new inlet through to the bay on the other side. Sand continued to drift through the parking lot, making walking into the wind nearly impossible. After the water receded and no longer lunged violently at the defiant dunes, it was time to pack up and begin the long trek back to Maine. While most Nor’easters are indeed fairly benign, sometimes they can cause real damage --- comparable to hurricanes. In fact, most of the highest tides here in Portland that have caused the most significant flooding in the past several years have come from unusually strong Nor’easters --- not hurricanes. The Blizzard of 1978 is one many folks may recall as producing prolific coastal flooding, well above that seen with any of our recent hurricanes. January’s blizzard which I detailed in January’s column is another Nor’easter that brought widespread coastal impacts in addition to the more typical wind and heavy precipitation. Down here in Massachusetts, the storm surge this system produced by piling up water with easterly winds for several days was high enough to wash out roads and inundate entire communities. When they get as strong as this one, Nor’easters should be taken just as seriously as hurricanes! Hopefully we won’t see another storm like this for a long time, though the way the pattern looks currently, we have another 2-3 chances for substantial Winter storms before Spring arrives the third week of March. Who knows if everything will come together correctly for another epic storm before the pattern shifts, but the stage is certainly set for more big storms in the next two weeks! More weather next month as always. ---Jack.
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Eric’s Optimal Corner Lynette Spring Baker / Optimal Self Community Health and Wellness Center Spring is upon us this month... can you feel it? I know you can as we have experienced unusual Spring-like weather during this tail end of Winter. With Spring come great returns: the return of green leaves and budding flowers, the return to patios and outdoor spaces, the return of Spring cleaning. Spring is the natural season to look around us and clear the clutter and heavy trappings of Winter --not just in our home, but in our body and mind as well. Winter in the Northeast practically demands the consumption of heartier comfort foods. We tend to eat more hot meals and fewer salads and smoothies. We often put on a few extra pounds, you know, to keep us extra warm. It’s practically intentional. In any case, NOW is an ideal time to cleanse our bodies, in step with nature. “Ugh. A cleanse? Starving myself, going without…” Hold up, not so fast. A cleanse is whatever you make it. Each of us make our own choices every day. YOU get to choose the parameters of your cleanse. Just stick to it.
Now that we have discussed brain food, let’s delve into brain exercise. This is where we segue into a very trendy topic: Meditation. Meditation, simply put, is a means to transform the mind; using silence, breathing and clearing of the mind in order to experience our true nature of peace, happiness and bliss. Yes, those are a lot of “hippy words”. Do not let that deter you! Do we not all want more peace, happiness and bliss? The mindful practice of meditation has been shown to actually shrink the amygdala --- the region of the brain associated with “fight or flight.” Fear and emotion are the brain’s first response to stress. That is pretty amazing, considering that meditation is basically the act of quietly doing nothing. If you are new to meditating, I can tell you from experience that the first few (OK, many) times you attempt it, it can feel like a colossal failure. The act is simple, not easy. Ideally, you would find a calm place, free of noise and distractions, sit in a comfortable position, eyes open or closed and focus on your breath while breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. Start with a 4-7-8 count, inhaling for four seconds, holding for seven and exhaling for eight. This is an ideal, but we live crazy lives so this can be an ideal to build up to. I suggest getting it in where you can. It’s okay! Just getting in five minutes here or seven minutes there, is a great start. And if you prefer to take the time to find/create the space then put some essential oils in ye ol’ atomizer and zen out. It’s all good.
A simple approach to cleansing would be remove refined grains (or all grains), added sugar, alcohol, dairy and/or meat from your diet for a month. Go all out or just choose the biggest offender in your diet. When making your plan, though, please do not begin with a low-fat approach. Your brain needs healthy fats like avocado, coconut oil, olive oil and fish oil to function. If you find yourself drawn to a fasting-type cleanse (Hello, Master Cleanse) please do your research and properly prepare your body and mind for what is coming. Pay attention to lifestyle recommendations during your cleansing period as you may, for instance, require more rest during fasting.
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For cleanse enthusiasts, no, I would not leave this out: try drinking room temperature water with the juice from half a lemon (a whole lemon if you are single... who needs a half lemon laying around?) first thing in the morning. Lemon is alkalizing while just about anything considered a treat is acidic, like packaged foods, sugar or alcohol, so let’s shoot for balance. Drinking room temperature (or warm water) first thing in the morning prepares your digestive system and starts you off on the plus side of hydration. Now that our bodies are being tended to, we cannot overlook our minds. What we feed our minds is as important as what we feed our bodies. Some would argue that it’s even more important. Let us acknowledge that we are constantly feeding our brain by environment or by choice. We take our physical environments into our brains, so ask yourself: are you surrounded by clutter, chaos and general mess? That information is input into your brain, your mental computer, and it has an effect. If that effect is negative, it is interpreted as stress. We are also greatly impacted by the media. Are you watching the news, scanning Facebook, reading the paper (except this one, of course) or perhaps just being generally bombarded with negative information you are feeding your brain? Remember, negative information equals stress. We can change that. Choose your brain food. Choose something positive. And before we move on, consider the people you surround yourself with. Are they negative? Believe it or not, you can detox from people, so if you’re spending time with people who engage in generally negative conversation, consider limiting that exposure for a spell. I am not advocating sticking your head in the sand or ignoring life’s happenings... well, maybe I am. But it’s not forever, just try it for a month or so.
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April Edition Deadline
Friday 30th March Papers On Street: Tuesday 3rd April
Up Portland is edited in Portland and printed the last week of every month in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. We may be contacted at the e-mail or phone number below. While every effort is made to ensure accuracy and fairness, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors. Liability is limited to the cost of said ad. Ads not cancelled by published deadlines may be billed at agreed-upon price. Ads may be edited or rejected for content at the discretion of the publisher. All items appearing in Up Portland, as well as the name, logos and design are copyright 2018 by BBS, A division of High Speed Delivery Fork Ltd. & Ted Fleischaker and may not be reproduced in any form without prior written approval.
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Up Portland 03.18 In Print * On The Web At: www.upportland.com * On Facebook
Please Read Then Recycle!
Great movies unite us. Discussion. Gatherings. Over 30 breathtaking films. This year’s MJFF is a can’t miss opportunity for Maine communities to celebrate great cinema—together.
March 10–18, 2018 PORTLAND, BRUNSWICK, WATERVILLE, LEWISTON, BANGOR, ROCKLAND
Schedule and tickets at MJFF.ORG
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The Standard Reviewer
By Andrea Rouda / Up Portland’s Film & Theatre Reviewer
2018 OSCAR NOMINATED SHORT FILMS By the time you are reading this, the winner of this year’s Oscar for Best Short Film will have been announced. Still, I’m writing this before that happens, so at least I have a sense of anticipation, and that’s something. And since few people ever see the short films since they rarely show up in theatres, except for in a few art houses, as the Academy Awards ceremony approaches, I’m happy to enlighten a good chunk of readers to the unsung glories of that particular art form.
that: short. The imposed time limit challenges the director to tell his or her story succinctly and with no padding, which makes these films far superior to those Hollywood “blockbusters” which drone on endlessly, causing us to eat too much popcorn and possibly an entire bag of Twizzlers. This year’s short film entries, as usual an international crop, were all extremely memorable despite their brevity. I’ve left epic films and forgotten about them within minutes, but each of these tiny gems has taken root and stayed with me for weeks. Directed by relative unknowns and starring actors you never heard of I won’t bother mentioning names beyond the titles. If you want to learn more, Google your hearts out! DeKalb Elementary (20 minutes, USA) In light of all the school shootings we have experienced in recent years, and even in recent weeks, this film really touches a nerve. It’s a sad reality that as the film opened, showing a quiet start to the school day inside a typical school office, I immediately suspected the story would unfold as it did: A young man enters the scene, puts down his backpack and takes out a gun. It’s become just that common a happenstance for most of us to recognise the signs.
Unlike the full-length movies we all see constantly, which run anywhere from 90 minutes to over two hours, depending on the director’s ego, the short film is just
w o N ! n e p O
Although a few minor characters come on-screen occasionally, the film centres on the growing relationship between the school secretary, a young African American woman endowed with is excited to announce amazing grace and calmness, and the the addition of evening hours Thursday – Sunday. shooter, a nervous, baby-faced white man exuding edgy anxiety, as she tries Chef Brian Grossman has joined our team to offer a to talk him out of doing any harm.
Portland Pottery Café
new evening endeavor known as Lena’s. This new venue will offer homemade, traditional Italian Comfort food with specialties to include lasagna, veal and eggplant parmigiana, risotto, hand made pasta, meatballs, cannoli and more! Wine and beer are now available and the food is fantastic. Hours Thursday through Saturday 5-9 pm Sunday 4-8 pm.
Portland Pottery Café continues with
its usual hours Monday – Sunday. Chef Chris Thurston has just introduced the Fall/Winter menu and there are new salads, sandwiches and small plates to be discovered. Some specials include roasted short ribs with mashed potato, butternut squash and sage risotto, beet salad and of course our continually changing variety of soups, frittatas, and desserts. All of our baked goods are made here in the café.
We hope to see you soon! Page 18
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It’s surprising how much can happen in a mere 20 minutes, as this film proves. The woman takes a phone call, trying to reassure a loved one that she is safe. Then the shooter talks to someone on his cell phone who obviously cares about him, showing us he’s not simply a deranged killer but a lost soul worthy of our sympathy. All the while the tension grows as we’re waiting for him to explode. Instead, trusting the woman, he starts talking and eventually asks her to call the police. He says he wants to live, but will they let him or will they come in with guns blazing? The taut ending will have you on the proverbial edge of your seat, if only for a few minutes. My Nephew Emmett (20 minutes, USA) This haunting depiction of the fate of Emmett Till, the 14-year-old African American boy lynched by the Mississippi KKK back in 1955, will make you feel either incredibly sad or incredibly angry, depending on your personality. (I experienced both emotions.) For those who don’t know history, it will feel like heartbreaking fiction.
Shot in black and white, with a grainy, almost home movie quality, the plot unfolds slowly, the film’s title serving as the only hint to future events. A young city boy comes to rural Mississippi to visit his relatives. Innocent to country ways, he makes a fatal error and whistles at a young white woman while he’s in town with his cousin. Soon enough, his seemingly minor transgression gets him in deep trouble when the woman’s husband comes seeking revenge. The boy’s uncle, old and wise to how things work in these parts, understands immediately what’s about to happen but is powerless to stop it. The audience isn’t so sure, but after Emmett is forcibly removed by a couple of burly white men and driven away in the back of a pickup truck, we figure it out. Authentic news footage from that time shows Emmitt Till’s real uncle speaking into the camera and laying it all out for anyone who may be confused. It’s a deeply depressing but must-see film for complete understanding of the racial divide America faces to this day. The Eleven O’ Clock (13 minutes, Australia) Finally, a little comic relief! This sweet film tells a comical tale of mistaken identity when a wildly delusional patient arrives for his morning appointment with his psychiatrist... only he believes he is a psychiatrist himself. The opening scene is set up in such a way that the audience doesn’t know for sure who’s the real doctor and who’s got a few screws loose. Of course, if you pay close attention there are some clues sprinkled throughout, but it’s more fun to just go along with the confusion.
on a chartered bus ride that will take 31 hours. The story is based on the actual Mandera bus attack in 2015 by the militant group Al-Shabaab, with a mix of Christians and Muslims on board. After just a few hours the hired police escort van has a mechanical failure and cannot go any further, necessitating the group continue on unprotected. Quickly the bus is stopped and boarded by violent terrorists armed with machine guns who line up the passengers in the desert and demand that the Muslims identify the Christians. Nothing doing, the passengers say with their silence. There’s plenty of whiteknuckle tension and lots of furtive looks exchanged between women wearing head scarves and women without head scarves. We are to assume that one group is Muslim and the other is not. Amid all the chaos a head scarf is surreptitiously passed to our heroine, and her life is spared. This is not to suggest a lack of violence as there is a fair amount of blood spilled in the sand. But ultimately the terrorists are foiled and the audience can leave feeling that all is right with the world. And even though we know it isn’t, we can think: wouldn’t it be nice?
The clever script consists of witty dialog between the two men, each one insisting he is the real doctor and the other one is the patient. Watching the two of them, first you think the doctor is this guy, then you’re pretty sure he’s that guy. The stand-off ends when one of them leaves in disgust and the other takes his rightful place behind the doctor’s desk. Or does he? When the next patient arrives, it’s anyone’s guess if she’s spilling her guts to a genuine shrink or to someone even crazier than she is. The Silent Child (20 minutes, UK) While this is a beautiful film to watch, with lovely scenery and equally lovely settings, still the underlying story is quite a tear-jerker. The plot revolves around a 4-year-old deaf girl and her clueless middle-class parents who do virtually nothing to include her in their bustling family life. Libby appears to be cut off from everyone and everything until a caring social worker is hired to be her nanny and help her navigate the hearing world. The nanny begins by teaching Libby sign language, yet the parents resist this solution and insist she focus on lip reading as a way for their daughter to get by at school. This is just bald selfishness on their part as they refuse to take the time to learn sign language themselves. Both mum and dad are busy with their work, doing little more than planting a kiss on Libby’s head as they rush off to their respective jobs each morning. We see Libby shy and alone in the schoolyard, with nowhere to turn. It’s a sad situation, powerfully portrayed by a first-time child actress who is actually deaf in real life. The nanny persists with teaching sign language, and quickly she and Libby develop a strong bond. Watching Libby open up to life’s possibilities as she sees other children signing and understands it can make her more “normal” almost compensates for the pain of seeing how cruel even so-called loving parents can be. Watu Wote (All of Us) (20 minutes, Germany) The most challenging of all the selections, Watu Wote follows the journey of a young Christian woman living in Kenya as she travels over dangerous territory
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be pressed into service with an assortment of friends as passengers. Quite often, there would still be a smattering of equipment in the car. Luckily, everyone was still young and spry and exhibited fine contortionist-like technique squeezing around all assorted hotdog stand paraphernalia. This beautifully practical slant six engine vehicle gave me several years of great steady service.
Mark: My Words
Next up was a 1979 Dodge Dakota pickup purchased, used of course in 1987, it had a small V-8 engine and an extended eight-foot bed. Also, it came with a cab. For these reasons, it had more than enough power to tow my cart and it had tons of cargo space, too. Theoretically, after loading all my daily food and equipment there still should have been enough room to move someone out of a studio apartment.
By Mark Gatti / Mark’s Hotdogs My hotdog cart rests on top of a utility trailer with wheels, thus is conveniently transported to my site daily by vehicle. Now entering its 35th year of service, the cart has been towed by a variety of vehicles through the years. The first car with the noble duty of towing the cart was a 1973 Plymouth Valiant I bought from an elderly lady sometime in the early 80’s. It had not been driven much prior to my ownership and was in pristine shape. Not a big car, it did have decent trunk space so I was able to load all daily equipment and foodstuffs with proper logistic technique. This was at a time in our young lives that quite a few close friends had yet to own a car. As a result, during days off or evenings out, the trusty Valiant would
My only “problem” was it had a habit of not starting on a consistent basis, plus a very dangerous occurrence of frequently stalling, usually in heavy traffic of course. After four years of this madness, I sold it to someone who claimed to have good mechanical skills for cheap money. By now I was married with children, a mortgage and more bills than in my single past. One of my wife’s uncles offered to sell me his early 80’s model Ford LTD station wagon. He said it ran well... and indeed it did --- at first. I jumped at the chance, as the asking price of $800 fit nicely into my budget. For half a year or so it ran like a charm, until it suddenly developed a severe hesitation delay whenever transitioning in the low gears. I was fortunate no one rear ended
Maine Jewish Museum
Opening Reception: Thursday, March 8, 2018, 5pm-7pm
Just a Moment in Time Nanci Kahn
3rd Floor Sanctuary
Full Circle
Black and White Exhibition
Fineberg Community Room
Om Devi Reynolds, Linda Gerson, Dr. Norm Rosenbaum, Karen Brooks
Paula Gerstenblatt
Spiegel Gallery
Exhibitions Run: March 8 - May 4, 2018 Maine Jewish Museum 267 Congress Street, Portland, ME 04101 (207) 773-2339
Monday - Friday 10am-4pm + Sundays 1pm - 5pm or by appointment mainejewishmuseum.org
Nancy Davidson, Curator
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my trusty hotdog cart during its twice-daily towings. The car was becoming as reliable as a depression era jalopy. My mechanic told me the transmission was about to go, and, boy was he right! Talk about luck, though, it gave its final gasp and expired in my driveway --- not on a commute home or on a busy downtown street. The salvage company paid me $25 for the carcass and towed it away. It felt like one of the best transactions of my life. Used and with a lot of mileage, the next victim to transport my little restaurant on wheels was a 1989 Dodge minivan. The prior owner maintained this vehicle very well and it ran great for me. It was rumoured to have been a Secret Service vehicle for George Herbert Walker Bush at his Kennebunkport compound. I liked it so much that in 1995 I bought a brand-new one. We became a two minivan family. My wife would tow around the kids, hockey gear, camping gear and their friends in one and I would tow the cart and all the food business materials in the other. For a decade, life was rather blissful for me in the world of hotdog business conveyance. But as always, bad luck eventually came a calling. After day of work during a gloomy late February day, I headed up to the parking garage where my dependable minivan awaited. As I neared my car it struck me that it seemed to be sitting rather low. My spirits plummeted when I realised that someone of, shall we say, “questionable character” had punctured all four tyres! Luckily, AAA came to the rescue and towed my poor desecrated vehicle to my mechanic nearby. I filed a police report, but nothing ever turned up. My only guess is that it was a case of mistaken identity, as I never have been one to make enemies and there were numerous minivans driving around Portland at that time of similar make, model and colour. Silver lining: my insurance company covered all costs of new tyres, so my stand and I were back on the road. After a few more years, however, it started to stall at unexpected times. I ended up selling it to my mechanic nephew who discovered that someone had put sugar in the engine. Maybe my stand and I have a few enemies I didn’t know about out there? Perhaps someone who wanted mustard, but got ketchup? I’ll never know! Presently, I tow my car with my 2004 Subaru Forrester brought new back then. Long in the tooth now, but still with fairly low mileage, there is reasonable hope of a five to ten year life left in this sweet driving five–speed standard transmission vehicle. There have been a few close calls while towing my stand over the years. One time in my first year of business while driving to a residential neighbourhood, I hit a pothole and the car disconnected from the trailer. It was moving at a good clip on a large expanse of lawn toward a pond. Fortunately, it miraculously stopped just short of the drink. Another time, one of the car’s tyres got wedged between an old trolley track and pothole down on Commercial Street. The whole cart abruptly unhooked itself and slammed with a huge thud on the street. Luckily, I was pulling in to park and not moving fast. For this reason, it escaped the mishap unscathed. One last close call comes to mind as I recall the time driving to the Coca-Cola equipment maintenance plant, then on Anderson Street. Just before arriving I felt the subtle lightening of my load. Upon stopping, I discovered part of the cart was coming right off the trailer! As great luck would have it, the foreman at the plant said, “no problem” and within 30 minutes had welded and bracketed the compromised area. He predicted I would never encounter this problem again and his workmanship proved so exceptional he’s been right. Until my next ramblings I sign off confident in the knowledge that I should be back on the street sometime before the Easter Bunny scatters eggs all about, so look for me back in Tommy’s Park any day now. Warm regards to all! ---Mark.
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