10 RULES for Talking Politics and Religion

by Rev. MATTHEW BROWN

1. Assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t.

OK, so I stole THIS from Dr. Jordan Peterson's recent bestselling book, 12 Rules for Life. But when something is good, it belongs to everyone; there are no copyrights on truth. Discerning truth should always be our goal when conversing on matters like politics and religion—not being right or defeating our opponent.

We like to think we have things figured out and have nothing to learn from, say, Republicans or Protestants. This can give us a sense of security. But what we lose is an opportunity to grow and learn.

It’s difficult to assume your opponent knows something you don’t. It requires both inner security and humility. It must be a discipline, something you practice intentionally, even when it makes you feel vulnerable. The life of a Christian should be dynamic: a continual process of repentance, growth, and change. It is a series of miniature deaths and resurrections, in which our prior beliefs, concepts, and opinions must die so that truer ones can rise up. Consider these words of the Apostle Paul: “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have laid hold of it” (Phil. 3:12).

2. When the other person is talking, don’t be thinking about what you'll say next.

In other words, set your ego aside, be quiet, and listen. Concentrate on and understand what the other person is saying. Don’t waste your time on debates; you’re probably not smart enough or informed enough on the topic. Most people aren’t.

In this time of extreme polarization and outrage culture, we need genuine and honest conversation. Consider that no one adopts a new political allegiance or converts to a faith because they were overwhelmed by facts or mentally strongarmed. People come to belief in Christ through genuine, honest, and heartfelt conversation that connects them with another soul and, in that moment, catch a glimpse of the Divine. They listen, and open their hearts, when they sense that the other’s heart is equally open and has no other agenda but their welfare. Openness and honesty happen when someone feels totally free with another person, when no coercion or guilting is involved. Our egos render many of us poor at evangelization: Set yourself aside.

3. Don’t argue with idiots, because the people watching can’t tell who’s the idiot.

Arguing with an idiot makes you the idiot. Harsh? Perhaps, but it’s true. If you find yourself in such a situation, take it as a lesson in humility, politely end the conversation, and wish the other person well. Better yet, apologize for being an idiot. Perhaps they’ll see the light too, but if not, nothing will be lost. At least you’ll have saved your own soul.

Take time to judge your emotional and mental state before jumping into a heated conversation or bringing up contentious topics. Is it late at night? Have you been drinking? Did you argue with your spouse earlier in the day? Was your day particularly stressful? Then don’t talk about politics or religion! Save it for when you are at your best and the other person is too.

4. Is it kind? Is it true?Is it necessary?

The kindness of our words has as much to do with how they are perceived by the hearer as with what we actually say. All too often, we fail to consider the relationship between the person we’re speaking with and the ideas we are debating. Thus, we must consider, and know, our audience in addition to considering our words. Some conversations devolve into unfruitful arguments because we failed to account for something about the other person. Maybe we were discussing the Church's traditional teaching on homosexuality and didn’t realize that the person has a child who is gay. Or perhaps we were talking over the Church’s stance on re-marriage and forgot that the person we are debating recently endured a divorce. Our content might have been on target but our timing and delivery was poor.

Consider also your motives in any conversation. Scrutinize yourself and search out the real reasons you said what you did. The “old man” loves to hide and masquerade as good intentions. For example, if we strongly argue against abortion but our words somehow inflict injury, we will deflect any self-criticism on the pretense of “speaking the truth in love”. In this scenario we might be right, but we are not good. What we really wanted was to get that feeling of “being right” at the expense of another, whether or not it did them any real or lasting good.

Bald-faced lies are not our problem, but exaggerations and withholding of details are. We love to paint ourselves in the best light, to fudge the facts, and leave things out when we find it convenient to do so. Speaking the truth is hard, but for any conversation or heated discussion to be fruitful, it has to be truthful. Our chief concern should be our own truthfulness, not the other person’s. “Remove the plank from your own eye before the speck in your brothers” (Matt. 7:3).

Even if a statement is kind and true, is there a reason to say it? What good will it do? Being right and changing nothing is a waste. Save your energy and use it in better ways. If you add up all the pointless, angry debates you’ve engaged in, they amount to a lot of wasted time—time you could have spent doing some actual good.

We must stop and think before speaking on things like politics and religion. We must be disciplined with our speech, not haphazard and sloppy.

5. Look for the good.

People are rarely 100 percent wrong. There is usually some good and truth in their opinions. Even when you disagree, look for that common ground. Remember Christ’s command, “Forbid him not, for he that is not against us is for us” (Luke 9:50). Be open to the possibility that they might have some truth that you don’t. You might not be swayed to their position, but they might help you form a more nuanced and accurate position of your own. In failing to be open, we lose a chance to learn and connect. The goal of a Christian is not to defeat our enemies but to win them as friends. Christ taught us that the only true enemy is death and sin, not our fellow man. Find and affirm the good in others first, and you’ll be less likely to make the other blunders on this list.

6. Earn the right to have an opinion.

You are not very smart. That’s OK— I’m not either. Most of our opinions about politics and theology surpass our knowledge, experience, and character, which is why we should have few strongly-held opinions. Most political issues are dizzying in their complexity and in short supply of solutions, but too often we simplify them to make them manageable and give us a sense of control. It is a truism that the more intimately you’re involved with an issue, the more qualified and cautious your opinions will be; and the more ignorant you are, the more confident and simplistic you’ll be in your stance.

You don’t have a right to have opinions. You have to earn them. It’s OK to say, “I don’t know enough to have an opinion.” Next time you're debating a subject, ask yourself: Have I worked in a related field or industry? Have I been professionally trained in a relevant discipline? Have I read the original sources? Or am I simply regurgitating anecdotes and talking points? Watching cable news and reading an article on Facebook probably isn’t enough to form a good opinion on, say, Britain’s exit from the European Union.

For years I worked with parolees from the Michigan correctional system in a vocational rehabilitation program, and as a result, I have some strong opinions on aspects of the criminal justice system. More than most people, I have earned the right to those opinions. Recognize when someone has more experience, knowledge, or training than you. You might just learn something.

You’ve got a lot of responsibilities, and the challenge of living a more virtuous and Christian life should occupy most of your time. Have opinions, but not too many. And have strong opinions only when you’ve earned them.

7. Avoid absolutes.

Absolutes are the lazy man’s crutch, the angry man’s modus operandi. They’re seldom accurate. Using words such as “always,” “never,” “the worst ever,” or “everyone” might be a sign that you feel you’re losing the argument. Also, avoid ad hominem attacks. It’s not only children who call people names when they get upset. You probably do it a lot more than you think—take a quick scroll through your own Facebook history for proof. Have you used words such as “fascist,” “elitist,” or “heretic?” Other people’s views are usually more nuanced than you give them credit for. Hold yourself to a higher standard of speech. Your family and friends will thank you, and so will the internet.

8. Ask yourself: “Is there something better I should be doing with my time?”

Many of us find our lives boring and, consciously or not, we seek out drama to feel more significant. What makes us feel more significant than talking about the lofty and weighty matters of politics and religion? Most likely we are neglecting more important duties and more fruitful things to do so.

De Slechte Zaaier (The Bad Sower) Gustav Van de WoestijneOil on panel, 1908 Collectie De Bode

In face-to-face conversations, don’t neglect personal matters before moving on to subjects like President Trump’s latest tweets. Politics can distract us from more important matters, such as how my friend is dealing with her recent job loss, or how she is managing caring for her aging parents. Before speaking, ask yourself, “Why am I having this conversation?”

9. Don’t comment online unless you've read the article first.

This one is simple: Don’t be lazy. Do your homework. When reading dueling comments on a Facebook post about an article I’ll often think, “There’s no way all these angry people fighting in my Facebook thread read the whole article.” Restrain yourself from reacting to an inflammatory comment until you’ve read the article and taken some time to think about it.

10. Don’t “preach to the choir.”

This happens both online and in the real world. It feels so good to tear down the beliefs and arguments of our “enemies” when they are not present. All that insecurity and dysfunction in our life fades away for a moment. But it’s pathetic, so knock it off. This is an easy mistake to make. Sometimes the conversation didn’t start out that way, but it morphs into it. If it does simply change the topic.

Oddly, all our dysfunctional conversations on religion and politics make us feel better in the moment, but they don’t make us well. Go to church, stop arguing with idiots, and get some real spiritual help. And don’t worry—you’re not alone. I need it too, so I’ll see you there.