BEAU T Y STORIES OF HOPE FROM MOSAIC LA
EVERY NOW AND THEN we need to tell our stories. Our hopes and our fears. Our pain and our loss. Our growth and progress. We move so fast through our minutes, hours, days and weeks that we forget that our lives are unfolding, one moment at a time. Sometimes we forget that some moments matter more than others. Sometimes we let them pass us by. The pages you hold in your hand represent one community’s efforts to preserve just a few meaningful moments in the lives of our friends. A lawyer, a painter, a dancer, a nurse and an activist. All of them have unique pains and passions. All of them have special origins and destinies. All of them hurt in their own way and all of them are heroes in their own way. Yet in their unique stories we might find our own. In their doubts, in their questions, in their moments of anguish and perhaps even in their leaps of faith. Their stories are a gift to us to remind us of the possibility that just maybe God is real and just maybe our lives are better with Him in it. It’s our prayer that as you read these stories and see the faces of real people who have experienced God, you might begin to sense God whispering to you. Our community’s name, Mosaic, represents broken and fragmented pieces brought together by the artful hand of God to create something beautiful, especially when light shines through it. These stories represent the beauty God is creating in people, our community, and our city. We hope you enjoy them.
M O S A I C , Los Angeles
www.mosaic.org
RIC DE LA CRUZ WITHOUT GUIDANCE I TEND T O B E S E L F - D E S T R U C T I V E . I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF AT A G E 1 7 , N O T B E C A U S E O F DEPRESSION BUT BECAUS E O F B O R E D O M , B E C A U S E OF COPING WITH A LIFE I D I D N ’ T L I K E . W H E N I H U RT MYSELF THE VOICES IN MY H E A D J U S T S T O P P E D .
I T
G A V E
M E
C O N T R O L .
My dad left us when I was 4. He had a history of cheating and womanizing. My mom was very strict and unconditional love was a concept that was very foreign to me. I began to isolate myself. I began to live primarily in my head. It was safer there. For whatever reason I never
I felt as the second time I experienced unconditional love. I
liked being touched.
sensed Jesus say, “Who are you here for?” And I said back,
I felt like Spok from Star Trek on TV. This was a guy
“I guess I’m here for you.”
with no feelings, who felt like a stranger in the world. Like he didn’t belong.
M Y S C A R S R E M I N D M E O F M Y PA S T
As I became older I followed the same path as my dad.
A N D T H AT W H E N I M E E T P E O P L E ,
Women and such. I wasn’t a human to be proud of. I
T H E Y H AV E A PA S T, T O O .
lived with a woman for 7 years but I didn’t have any emotional connection with her, although I loved her. Then my
I began getting involved and I was exposed to something
son was born. I remember holding my son and feeling
I’d never been exposed to: community and serving others. I
unconditional love for the first time. I had to finally think
met a guy named Derrick and he started helping me see the
about somebody else.
value of investing in other people. I began to look around me
I prayed for the first time when I was in parental court,
and realize that none of my friends were serving others and
years later. I had 3 attorneys all telling me to let my kids
Derrick said, “Maybe that’s why you’re there.”
go, that it was the best decision for my kids. I remember
What I’ve gone through has helped me understand what
very clearly asking God, “What should I do?” I wanted to
other people go through. It helps me empathize. I can see
make the best decision for them. So I gave them up.
now how people were put in my life to lead me to God. My
A long time passed. I became a nurse and one Spring
scars remind me of my past and that when I meet people,
a couple of co-workers came back from vacation. I asked
they have a past, too.
them where they went and they said, “Zambia.”
God has guided my through a lot of things. I’ve discovered
I thought, “That’s a strange way to spend a vacation.”
that I don’t have to live in the world of my head. The world
Turns out they were serving with Mosaic. They invited
outside can be better. God has helped me feel more comfort-
me to the Mayan night club for one of the gatherings and
able in my own skin. I’ve learned that I’m not Spok. That I’m
I reluctantly went. That night I can only describe what
human and I’m learning what it means to be human.
AMY LENOBLE I ’ V E J U S T N E V E R R E A L LY H A D A FA I T H
or a religion.
My mother was Christian, and I ’ve never been to church. My father was Jewish, and I ’ve never had a bat mitzvah. I just don’t have that much experience and I was spiritually curious.
I ’ve always
known, at least for me, that there was a higher power. I just couldn’t label the name. My family didn’t talk about religion at all. I had a very difficult time after graduating from LMU. I couldn’t find a job. I don’t have a mother anymore. My dad is far from me. I just felt that I was alone. Which wasn’t really true at all. I was just overwhelmed. I think I just over-
A L L I K N O W I S T H AT I T ’ S
exaggerated my feelings. I think I wanted to be sad. It kind
MY JOB TO BE THE BEST
of gave me an excuse to be unsuccessful.
ME I CAN BE.
One of my friends invited me to Mosaic. Not because he knew I was sad. He just invited me one day. He had no
Erwin sees that I’m crying. So he, Eric and
idea. No one had any idea actually. And then I went and
Jason take me to a private corner, which is
the sermon or lecture was on ‘discipline’ and it very much
something that actually amazed me. They have
affected me. That’s exactly where I was mad at myself.
so many other people that they could be pay-
The guy on stage was saying that it’s harder to keep prom-
ing attention to, and they focus their attention
ises to yourself than to keep promises to others. That’s
on me. I thought that was so cool. They ac-
pretty much what I had been doing. And I wish I could
tually care about what they are doing. They’re
say that I was keeping promises to others because I’m just
not there to sell you. You know what I mean?
a nice, giving person. That’s really not the case. I was re-
So the three of us had a long talk. We talked
ally keeping promises to others to keep from keeping a
about Jesus.
promise to myself.
If you ask anyone that knows me, they’ll
The lecture touched me. Afterwards I went up and talk-
tell you that I’ve made a complete 180. I
ed to Jason, who spoke. I was crying. Eric, who I had met
used to be satisfied acting as if I was okay.
at LMU, told me that he really wanted me to meet Erwin.
Pretending to be fine, even if I was hurting
Eric had given me one of Erwin’s books before, and I had
or struggling on the inside. I am prepared to
just finished it. Of course he is having me meet Erwin when
be honest now about where I am, and how I
I’m going through my emotional trauma of the year. So I
am feeling. It has allowed me to open up to
am balling to Jason, and I totally forget that I’m supposed
other people.
to meet Erwin. So they bring Erwin over, and I am a mess.
All I know is that it’s my job to be the best me I can be. And by me being the best me, God will put me in places that will help people. I just never realized that.
BEN WILES I NEVE R WA N T E D T O B E “ FA M O U S , ” but I guess that’s the sort of thing that happens when your life winds up in a book. When I opened up Soul Cravings and saw myself in there I didn’t even know what to think. These things always make me feel a little awkward. It’s just a reminder that this has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with my story. My family on my mother’s side came to the US from
That’s when I knew things had to change.
Indonesia and got caught up with a really unhealthy
It started for me about four years ago. A roommate
group of people. Ultimately they were responsible for
of mine at the time, Sean McConnal, I knew went to
my mother and biological father getting a divorce, my
church. One day for some reason I asked him about
uncles loosing a lot of their finances, and overall un-
where he went, and he told me to check it out for
healthy beliefs being placed on my family. These and
myself. That’s how I wound up at Mosaic.
some other painful experiences early in my life made
It was around this time that I began to start the pro-
me a person who trusted no one. Everything I had ex-
cess of putting faith in other people again. This was
perienced taught me that everyone was a liar and out
a huge step and a huge risk. Fortunately I met some
to hurt me or take advantage of me in some way.
amazing people who were worth taking the risk with.
We got out of that environment and got involved
Jo Savedra and Monica De Velasco, who just stopped
with a traditional church, but something seemed to
and talked to me when I began serving at Mosaic, were two of the most important people in that process
WHEN YOU TRUST NO ONE,
and were the ones who initially helped me with my spiritual journey.
Y O U H AV E N O O N E . I T ’ S A
Then came that infamous encounter on a basket-
V E R Y L O N E LY P L A C E T O B E .
ball court in Whittier that changed the trajectory of my life. Several months after, I chose to become a
be wrong with my experience with people who called
follower of Christ.
themselves “Christians.” I remember really taking to
It’s amazing, but even hard days for me are days I
the love and compassion part of the story of Jesus,
talk about with a smile on my face. It’s just crazy the
but very rarely actually saw it. I felt surrounded by
difference in the way the world looks from eyes filled
judgment, guilt, and shame. I saw hypocrisy, greed,
with hope. I feel so fortunate to have finally realized
and self-righteousness, but I didn’t see love.
I’ve been invited to a life of justice, peace, love and
So I
stopped going.
compassion. Life is beautiful and bright, no longer
The following years weren’t easy. When you trust
dark or gray.
no one, you have no one. It’s a very lonely place to be.
Ben’s story is told in entry #16 in Erwin McManus’ SOUL CRAV I N G S ,
available in bookstores or check
out www.soulcravings.com
JOEY DUNBAR MY ST O RY AT M O S A I C B E G I N S
WITH BEING ASKED TO RENOVATE ONE OF THE BUILD -
I N G S AT T H E I N L A N D V E NUE IN CHINO. I RECEIVED A CALL FROM MY MOM WHO WORKS WITH M O S A I C I N L A N D . S H E M ENTIONED THAT THESE TWO GUYS, SCOT AND NATHAN, WERE GOING T O B E R E F U R B I S H I N G PART OF THE FACILITY, AND WANTED TO KNOW IF I WAS INTERESTED I N V O L U N T E E R I N G . I H A D JUST GOTTEN OUT OF JAIL AND WASN’T WORKING, SO I AGREED.
When I got there for the first day of work, I
My decision to give my life to God began later with Cele-
quickly realized that the two dudes in charge
brate Recovery—a recovery group to help people overcome
really didn’t have a clue. They’d never tack-
hurts and addictions. As a community we help to encour-
led anything like this before. They were plac-
age one another, and find encouragement in the scriptures.
ing pictures over holes in the walls instead
Connecting with community has been very important in my
of actually fixing the holes. I began to lead
journey. Being around people, they kind of rub off on you.
them in the process. It took weeks to paint the walls, clean the room, and rip up the car-
B E I N G A R O U N D P E O P L E T H AT R E A L LY
pets. Each day we would go to lunch, hang
BELIEVE IN YOU, IT SEEMS TO CAUSE
out and talk.
Y O U T O WA N T T O L I V E A B E T T E R L I F E .
One day a guy named Ralph who helps lead Mosaic asked me if I would be interest-
I saw joy in many of the people I was meeting at Mosaic.
ed in attending one of the gatherings. At the
When you are around people who are in good spirits, it tends
time I was actually doing well in my life, and I
to lift your spirits. Being around people that really believe
really didn’t want to go to church. When you
in you, it seems to cause you to want to live a better life. It
start getting involved with God and faith, you
inspires you to reach higher, to become the person you were
never really know what is going to happen.
created to become. When people invest in you, it makes you
You have to start dealing with things in your
strive to do better.
life, and I didn’t really want to do that. But I
Now I am passionate about helping others start over
couldn’t say no to Ralph. So I went.
again. I want to help people find a way to be whole again.
I went for a few weeks, and Ralph asked
After I had been at Mosaic for five months, I had to go back
me if I would be interested in painting in one
to jail to serve time for something that had happened years
of the gatherings. I had never painted before,
before. While there, I formed a small group of inmates in-
but had always enjoyed drawing. I guess I
terested in reading the scriptures and discussing life. I was
had never really had anyone encourage me
able to share with them the journey that I had been on over
to paint. So, on Easter I just got up there that
the past months. I told them that there is hope, even in jail.
morning, and threw some paint around. It
Several inmates chose to begin a relationship with Jesus. It
was great. I loved it.
was an incredible time.
MANDY ZHANG EVEN AT A YOUNG AG E , I had a hard time believing that
there could be some kind of altruistic, benevolent force in the world. My dad died when I was just a kid. The whole thing seemed like some kind of cruel joke. I just couldn’t understand why he had to die when he was so young, when I was so young. Interestingly enough, even though we were culturally Buddhist we always went to church. I went to Sunday school and was involved in the youth group. I approached my mom when I was around 13 about God and she said some-
I didn’t even know how to start. I was like “Hey God, what’s
thing I’ll never forget. “Mandy, just because
up.” Then I told him everything. All of my fears and problems. All
we go to church doesn’t mean we actually be-
of my hopes and dreams. All of my doubts. I talked about how
lieve in that nonsense.”
I didn’t think his religion was doing very well. I told him about
From then on, that’s what I believed. When
all of his problematic followers I had met in my life. What was
my mom became a follower of Christ 3 years
amazing about it was that it felt…nice. So I started to pray more.
later, I just thought she was crazy. We used to
I wasn’t telling anybody, I was like this closet prayer junkie who
argue all the time. Finally, we just had to agree
would go to bed 30 minutes early just to talk to some entity I had
to not talk about it.
never believed in.
Later I went to a religious school and people
After watching Into the Wild and talking with my friend Matt, I
would talk to me about faith all the time, but I
knew something was going on. It was like God was putting out bread-
was so bitter and harsh, eventually they just
crumbs for me to follow. Even growing up in church I never really
stopped. I don’t know why I felt so strongly about something I didn’t even really know
EVEN GROWING UP IN CHURCH I NEVER
about, but being in a religious environment
R E A L LY KN E W W H O J E S U S WA S
didn’t help. I saw the lives that the people who were telling me how to live had, and I didn’t
knew who Jesus was, he was just some kind of a weird character
want what I saw at all.
in a story. But now I’m discovering Jesus is the connecting dot Not huge
between God and man. And that’s when I knew. I was such a
things, just normal life things. School got hard,
doubtful person and God just put dots in front of me for me to
there were problems with boys, and I got really
be able to connect.
overwhelmed. I was talking to my mom one
Since then I’ve been unnaturally happy, which is so not me.
night, and she got really quiet, and then said,
Looking back I wondered why it took me so long; living apart
“You know, maybe you should pray about it.”
from Christ was such a difficult thing. I was actually really mad
Then things began to happen.
because I was like “this would have been so nice to know 3 years ago.” What I realized though is that now I’m in a better position to help people who are really doubting or struggling because I used to be there too.
PROJECT MANAGER
Jason Jaggard jason@mosaic.org
PHOTOGRAPHER
Jess Koehler www.curiositysavedthehuman.com
DESIGNER
Ruthi Auda www.ruthiauda.com P R O D U C T I O N A S S I S TA N T
David Haley
PRINTING
Queen Beach Printers www.qbprinters.com
CONTRIBUTORS
Scot Burbank, David Haley
SPECIAL THANKS TO
5th and Sunset Studios for their donation of photo equipment and studio space www.5thandsunsetla.com
www.mosaic.org