Before You Give Up

BEFORE YOU GIVE UP ON Love TRY THIS!

by Dr. Sara-Jayne McLeod

Allow me to start with the obvious, 2020 has been eventful. The virus COVID 19 swept in and disrupted every single part of our lives. During this lockdown period which is partially still ongoing, many have felt the effects of social distancing.

Maybe you are one of those who find themselves without a partner in life at present, and you have noticed that you are single. Your home has never felt so quiet without the humdrum routine of work and the excitement of your usual entertainment activities or social events.

You start to think about the future, but how exactly do you date during a pandemic?

There are three things I am going to share with you today that may inspire you to

"God has a way of blessing us with precisely what we need"

action. Simple actions that you can take to transform your singlehood experience. As the world’s first Singlehood Consultant, I run my coaching/matchmaking agency on the ethos that faith without works is useless. You require both a winning mindset and effective practical strategies to achieve your hearts desires. It is a positive thing to know exactly what you want. However, if your ‘ideal’ requirements for a man and ‘perfect love story’ are too restrictive, you may miss out on potential prospects for marriage. There are definite non-negotiable, or deal-breakers, i.e. one wants children the other does not. That is a compatibility issue which cannot be negotiated or adapted. The rest height, age, job, the cultural background is preferential. Date outside your type! There

I said it, and I am not taking it back. God has a way of blessing us with precisely what we need in a package we may not expect. Be open to a conversation with a man who may not be from the same cultural background you are.

So what if he is a few inches shorter than 6 foot. Some women have their 6- foot man and would instead that he was faithful or could keep a job. Height does not reflect the character or maturity of the man. On your ideal list, scrutinise the entries and ask yourself whether this is essential for the healthy relationship? One of the first things I ask my coaching clients is ‘who are you?’ The response I receive varies greatly, but more often than not, there is an awkward pause. I am comfortable with silence, so I wait until they search for the right combinations of words to describe themselves without sounding arrogant. Ladies, there should be no pause because you are simply brilliant. God sees us as a work-inprogress and a masterpiece at the same time. The most attractive asset you have as a single woman is confidence.

Whether you are short, tall, round, slim, dark, light, love all of you! Accept yourself flaws and all because you represent a unique beauty. Your intriguing personality is unlike anyone else on planet earth and men can tell when you esteem yourself. There should be no such thing as ‘waiting on God’ in the passive sense. Life is for living, so make the most of every day that is gifted to you. When you step outside your comfort zone, learn something new, go on an adventure, explore new hobbies, you become a more interesting person with lots of things to speak about to potentials. Marriage is not a reward or a ‘step up’ in life.

You have to understand that you are living your best life right now. Do not see yourself as second best or not quite good enough because you are unmarried. You must know who you are, why you are and what you want in a spouse. A confident woman shines and does not dim her light for anyone. We are very comfortable with the idea of investing in our health, fashion, haircare, education but ladies your love life needs attention too.

If you are not meeting new potentials or attracting the same men who you are not compatible with… change something. Change everything because faith without works is dead. One of the things you could try is signing up with a specialist life coach. A singlehood consultant is a coach that specialises in helping clients get the best out of their single season. Traditionally, church culture leaves women to figure it out themselves, but there is a paradigm shift. Lockdown has changed everything! We are socially distancing from each other, but this does not mean you have to be alone. Get some support to help you make the most of your ‘now’ season. It is beneficial to have someone who you can talk through your concerns, fears and worries about singleness.

Sometimes we can become so busy we forget the balance. A well-placed check-in call helps you maximise your socialising potential. We will not cancel 2020, but we will recognise the resilience this global pandemic has given us. Do not give up on any single one of your dreams. Even if you have loved and lost in the past, remember that greater is coming. Any present restrictive circumstances do not define you. My advice to my sisters is to pray effectively, prepare dutifully and position yourself strategically. Seize the opportunity afforded to you today to create a life that you love. Pursue your purpose and projects that inspire passion in you. Build a life that you do not need rescuing from, but one that attracts a like-minded man who will only add to your joy. Singlehood is not meant to be endured but to be enjoyed. The ultimate breakthrough is to be content as a single woman yet proactive about finding love. Faith is an action, so what are you waiting for?

Dr Sara McLeod is a multi-skilled qualified clinician working in an administrative branch of Occupational Medicine. She is Singlehood Consultant dedicated to coaching singles through her Matchmaking agency called ‘Adam Meet Eve.’She began mentoring young women at the age of sixteen and was inspired to start a peer mentoring scheme called The Phoebe Network. She quickly discovered that teaching, mentoring and empowerment is her life assignment. She has taught workshops/seminars across the UK on love, confidence building, sexual integrity and dating. She has been invited to speak on international platforms, conferences and coaches clients from all over the world. Her Monday morning prayer broadcast for singles draws a global audience each week. She is known to be unashamedly honest, relatable and a millennial influencer.

Preethy Kurian

Preethy Kurian, engineer, pastor and prophet is a woman who is definitely living her purpose. I sat down with Preethy to find out how she balances life with the many hats she wears.

WEW: Who is Preethy Kurian?

I’m a daughter, a wife, a mother, I think there are seasons in your life when you are different people at different times, For example, with my daughter going through her studies, right now, I am more in the role of mother, and maybe when she’s older that may change too. So, I am a wife to not just a good husband, but I’m also a wife to My Lord and I think that makes me a better wife in this realm. In the sense that one of the things that I realise is that this life I live, I live for Christ and so a lot of decisions of who I am today, is because of my identity as the Bride of Christ. The trith is that, the preparation and the sacrifice to be His Bride has made me who I am today. I am a friend, I think I’m a decent friend. I like making friends although I wish I had more time to spend with friends. I am a sister, I have brothers but I am friends with my brothers. By profession I am an engineer, I’m a director of a FinTech company called CrossPay. I am also the senior pastor of Capstone Church. If you ask most people who is Preethy Kurian, they will say she is probably quite happy.

WEW: You started with describing yourself as a daughter and most times women don’t start with that description, but for those who don’t understand, can you please explain by what you mean you are a daughter?

I would like to speak from the spiritual aspect of being a daughter. John 1:12 says that to all who believed and received, He gave them power and the authority to be called children of God. My father was the fifth son of in a family of boys, meaning they didn’t have girls in the house until after my father was born; so the family really values daughters. I was born after 2 boys, so when I was born, I became the apple of my father’s life. I really experienced his love. My mum said when I was a child in my crib hearing my father’s car as he was returning from work, I would start giggling; my mum said I would constantly be giggling at the sound of his voice and the more I giggled, the more I would attract my dad, I was really the apple of my father’s eye. When I was about 11 years old, I lost my father, something went wrong in surgery he was undergoing. It was so devastating that I remember thinking, how would I live, because I really didn’t have a lot of relationships within other members of my family at the time; I had a lot of friends, but I couldn’t imagine life without him. I always knew there was God, but I didn’t know how to get to Him, He seemed distant and far and

He seemed angry, About 10 years later, I’m at this Christian retreat and the preacher was teaching John 14:6, Jesus says I am the Way the Truth and the Life, no one goes the Father except through Me, and when he said that I realise that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life and at that moment, I said Jesus if you’re the Way the Truth…..I want You in my life and that was the moment I got Born Again. There was no salvation message, it was just that truth.

I came to Jesus because I wanted a father, I missed my father and for me I believed the Word.

Let me explain what I mean briefly…

In an Indian Society, when you lose your father, you lose your protection, love, status, you lose a lot and when I came to the Lord Jesus Christ, my greatest realisation is that I have a Good Father and that is our Father in Heaven, He is Good and I realised that He Cares; I realise that He is involved and I realise that He will do more than my earthly Father would ever do for me.

For example, in India we have arranged marriages. Usually in India a father would go out and search for a groom for his daughter, but because my own father had passed away, my mother had to take up the responsibility. How I got married was through God the Father’s intervention through dreams and visions. My future mother in law had a dream that I was to be her daughter in law; Rakesh my husband had a dream about my brother and that’s how the proposal came. When I say I am a daughter, I don’t think I ever stopped being a daughter. I remember when Rakesh needed a breakthrough in his job, I prayed and said the God “would you be able to do something like this?” The next day Rakesh gets a phone call from across the world with a job breakthrough. Then I went to Rakesh and said you know you have the best Father-in-law on earth, right? He was taken aback and didn’t know what to say as I just made him the son in law of God (laughs).

I never forget I’m a daughter and the privilege of being a daughter releases me to be a better mother, better wife and better friend. My Father has everything required pertaining to life and whatever I need I go into the position of being a daughter. I’m not too old to be a daughter. As a daughter, I’ve realised when you know you are loved and favoured, you’re not fighting for position and that frees you to serve, because you’re a daughter”.

WEW: What was your passion as a young woman growing up?

I didn’t grow up in a Christian family, my family was very secular. One of my passions is that I loved dancing. Though I love singing, I’m aware of my limitations, I couldn’t sing for nuts. Another passion is that I love architecture and buildings. Most children would draw flowers, I drew houses. I also loved relationships with people. If I meet a person once, I never forget them in that sense, I always think I’m really close to them. In my head, once we become friends, we are always friends. I also love reading, anything and everything, encyclopaedias, books, novels. As a young woman growing up, my main passion I would say was dancing.

WEW: What inspired you to be an engineer?

I come from a family of professors, doctors, engineers. What drew me was probably the fact that my father was an engineer and I don’t think I ever thought of anything else. I loved the logic of engineering, I love building and constructing. Being a computer engineer, I love the logic of coding, I like that it makes sense to me. I even love engines, the old engines where you have the carbonators, where I can tell what’s going on. I love things that make things work.

WEW: When did you realise you are called to build others?

I was the fun kid in college; I wasn’t particularly known for my responsibility as such, but I was responsible in my own way, I wouldn’t have thought I would be building others.

When I came to the Lord, I was given Isaiah 60:1 -3 by this woman and she quoted it saying “arise, shine for the Glory of God is on you”, and I said in question “on me?” (laughs) and she was like yes on you! So, I felt responsible that if His Glory is on me. I had to start living in that manner. So, I started living in that manner. In those days, I’ve never seen women ministers. I’ve never seen women do much more than serve tea and coffee. I started doing all I could to help the church, I started cleaning the church building because I’m always went in there early to set up and clean up. When people come before service, they would talk to me. Soon I started to realise that people come early just to talk to me; I became a point of consolation and comfort for people and they were getting built up.

We were a youth ministry that was reaching out in India. At the time, we saw nearly ten thousand people saved. I had started preaching and I would go from place to place with the team.

But in the year 2000, I was in a small bible study and the preacher said 2 Timothy 2:2 and as he read that scripture, I saw four generations together Paul, Timothy and those who Timothy had taught and who would now entrust to others. I saw four generations and they called it the principle of 2T2:2. That means when I am training somebody, I always train them to train others and as a maths person that is exponential growth. In 2002 we were living in Hong Kong and I sat with my husband Rakesh and said we need to have a personal vision, a professional vision and a spiritual vision. As we were praying, we realised that discipleship was very important, and this was the same scripture that came to us. We realised that we will not only evangelise but we would build up evangelisers who would build up other evangelisers. We realised we were called to build others to build others. For me, I like to build for a season, maybe build 3 people and enjoy that and let the 3 build another 3 while I build the next 3 people. It was a realisation and going back to my childhood passion in architecture navigated me to build. Today God speaks to me about the church through architecture. Even though I’m not an architect, I’m the Architect’s daughter.

WEW: When did you realise that your function was to walk in the Office of the Prophet?

Now you’re coming into my neck of the woods. Pro means before- so when you look at the English word of “prophet”, it means someone who speaks before.

My first prophetic vision was about when I was 8 or 9 years old, I and my friends, as young girls do was talking about marriage and envisioning my father walking me down the aisle and I heard the Lord say “no he won’t walk you down the aisle” even thought he voice wasn’t distressing, I somehow knew my father won’t be walking me down the aisle. I kept wondering why I didn’t cry and it was because there as a peace, a knowledge that

stayed with me a 9 year as others would call it. old girl whose life was The prophet is a person and that is in your her father. When my DNA and it comes out. The only office I knew father died when I was growing up as a Christian and that is the office 11 years old, we were of the pastor, or a teacher and for a woman, living in Saudi Arabia. a pastor’s wife. It has been an interesting He went for surgery journey. When I was evangelising I saw so in the Philippines and many people come to the Lord, so I thought, I something went wrong was an evangelist. One of my first awareness of with the surgery. At the the office of the prophet in the bible was when time, my mother was in Moses was called and he didn’t want to speak the Philippines with my and Aaron comes in and the Lord speaks to father, my eldest brother Moses and says see, I have made you like god to was in United Sates of Pharaoh and your brother Aaron will be your America and my middle prophet, so a prophet is someone who speaks brother and I were in for somebody else. The office of the prophet is Saudi Arabia. a gift and it’s the person. The gift of prophecy Three days before is the gift from the Holy Spirit. he died, I had a dream. WEW: What do you think is the call to In the dream I was prophets in this dispensation of the Kingdom? standing outside the The prophet equips the church with cargo side of the airport the eyes to see. The prophet has to hear and in India and I on this have the authority to direct the church, the side of the fence and calling to the office is a life calling. It’s the my mother and elder Lord’s choosing; and it’s a function that you brother are on the do. It takes years to develop, I don’t think you other side of the fence become a prophet over night; I think it’s a in the cargo area and journey, whereas the gift of prophecy, is the they’ve got a huge black gift of the Holy Spirit and the minute you get box between them. AsI the gift, you open it, you receive it and you use looked at the box and I it. You do get trained in the gift and the gift knew that my father was operates through the person using it. I also in the box. So I wake up and tell my friend. At believe there are prophets who are to be in the that age, I didn’t know that the dead people’s workplace. bodies were transported in a black box. When The Prophet guides people, if you’re I had this dream, they hadn’t looking at a building or a told me how dire his condition construction for instance, the was. They had informed the rest of my family and my "To build a prophet gives architecture, gives blueprint and they’re able elder brother had already left America and was travelling successful church to assist the general contractor – the Apostle, to lay the foundation down to Philippines. So, three is to go to the for the building of the church. days later, when my father dies, my middle brother and I arrived Lord and get the WEW: How are the biblical prophets different from the in India before my mother and elder brother could leave the blueprint from present-day prophets? The old testament prophets Philippines. And because they were bringing the body, they Him." were a mouthpiece for God, they had a singular role in bringing had to go into the cargo area to God’s Word to the people; there collect his last remains. Four were instructions, prophecies days after the dream, I am standing on this and it was from God to the people. In the side of the fence waiting for my brother and new testament, relationships are introduced. mother and they come out with this black box. The Father introduces the Son and the Son There are other times I’ve had a premonition, introduces the Father and there’s this whole

thing about relationships.

In the New Testament, God starts speaking to people personally. In the Old Testament, God wasn’t speaking to people personally. In the New Testament, with the advent of the Second Adam which Is Jesus Christ, the restoration of the relationship and the communication with God takes place. That’s why in the New Testament we are encouraged that all may prophecy. In Genesis 1 to 3 you find that God was speaking to His People and He was communicating, so you will see that the prophetic that comes to the New Testament is the confirmation of the relationship that has already spoken and this is already established. The prophetic ministry will always bring confirmation to the Word, it brings unity. In the Old Testament, prophets were constantly bringing the judgement of God, but in the New Testament, prophecy is for exhortation, to build and the reason for this is that the judgment is not there, through Jesus Christ who saved us from our judgment. In the Old Testament, we are not asked to test the prophetic word, in the New Testament, the Lord says to test the prophetic word. In the New Testament, the prophetic is towards the redemption of the people and the unifying of the Body of Christ.

The prophetic in the New Testament, is always in line with Jesus and His Ministry. In the Old Testament, the prophets were stand alone, but in the New Testament, the prophetic is a Body that works together. Jesus Himself gave some to be Apostles, Prophets, Teachers, Pastors and Evangelists and in 1st Corinthians 12, there are many members, but One Body so the prophetic belongs to a Body. In the Old Testament, a lot of the prophets where standing alone. The New Testament, prophet is incomplete without the added ministry of the apostle, the pastor, teacher and the evangelist.

No prophetic person in the New Testament has in the entire revelation of God. Why? Because we work well within a Body; that’s why you often find prophets attract prophets, there is a gathering, like prophetic teams. The higher we go in the Body of Christ, the more we are a servant, so we must treat ourselves with humility, teach humility, it’s a servant’s ministry.

WEW: What would you say are the ingredients to building a successful church?

I think the key is to define what a successful church looks like to you, because it would be very different to what another pastor defines as a successful church. For me, a successful church looks like successful people. I think that success is the sum total of everything God has given you, and the ability to use it. The sum total of the wealth God has given you and the ability to use it and enjoy it.

If someone in my church is an extremely talented worshipper but is in distress in an area of their life, rather than use them on church worship team immediately, I would rather build them up in their foundations before I use them. As a prophet, often I’m able to see in advance and with a godly balance, I try to be faithful to what God is showing me.

Sometimes, part of the building process is that if you have additions that are not legal, you may need to bring it down. It depends on what you decide is successful.

To build a successful church is to go to the Lord and get the blueprint from Him. Structure is important. A blueprint meant for a shopping centre cannot be used to build a house. When you’re in the foundation stages, you need to understand there will be changes as it grows, getting the right vision and purpose to what you’re doing. Think about what your unique calling is. What do you bring to the building? I know that my unique calling is to carry the presence of the Lord and so worship is an ingredient of that. It is important to know your purpose and function when building. Prayer is also an ingredient. It’s the core of building the church; the prophetic flows from a heart of prayer.

I love the Fivefold ministry structure and that’s where we build from. I have learned that the pastoral structure of the church often limits growth. I prefer an apostolic and prophetic foundation for churches including people working together. People feel more useful when you’re offering opportunities for them. Everyone may not immediately get into their calling, but if you can get people working together and serving and you get into community. Part of building a church is being open to change. I enjoy the process and the journey to build successfully.

WEW: Do you think women’s ministry is relevant resource to what God is using to build and empower His daughters? Why?

I believe the Bible, and the Bible says there is no Jew or Gentile, male or female, slave or free person. In the book of Genesis, to Adam, the Lord says I will give a helper, right? Helper doesn’t mean servant; if you go to the original

text, it doesn’t mean servant, In Psalm 33 the main word Helper is used for God, so In Genesis 2 it’s equal partnership, one is made before the other. I also see that Eve was in the Garden and if she’s in the garden, she’s doing the work of the gardener. The Lord didn’t say Adam you work and Eve just sit there. It’s relevant because the word says so. Some scholars quote Paul saying women shall not speak and etc, but the same Paul calls Junia an apostle, so how do you become an apostle and not speak. Women are called co-workers like Phoebe, so how do you minister without speaking? Paul does not contradict himself. A good builder uses what material is in the land to build. In most churches, the majority of people are women. If you have an army, 20% in war and 80% are making soup, you’re not going to win any war. Besides, the burden on the 20% would be too much. So logically if you want the church to grow, you need to be able to use women to build. If you look at the book of Nehemiah, it was all the family that were building. I believe, God wants to use men, women and children. If I stand up, my daughter has to fight less of a battle. Part of pioneering is going through tough ground, unchartered territory. I believe there is awakening to roles of women in the church.

One thing, I tell women is don’t become hard hearted because that’s not who we are. When I got saved, I had a vision of my daughter leading worship and women free in dancing and in that vision, I saw a move of God had set women free. I want to be part of that; I want to see mothers, daughters and sisters standing together and our fathers, brothers, and sons cheering us on. We need to realise that we are one whole family and we have to build each other up for that.

WEW: What is your advice to new generations of the prophetic people in this dispensation of the Kingdom?

I would say develop your relationship with God, take time out; find your keys of breakthrough because your forged in a battle, so learn to fight people spiritually not naturally. My heart attuite is that I’m very open, I try not to be defensive, I guard my heart and don’t get offended. Remain humble, seek the Lord. Don’t rush the journey but enjoy the journey with the Lord.

WEW: How can you be contacted?

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ Preethy-Kurian-2015854911840234 Instagram: @preethy.kurian Capstone Church: www.capstone-church.org Email: info@capstone-church.org