My Own Universe by James Bailey

I walked down the street, a smile on my face on what was a beautiful sunny and cloud free day. The street was busy, I was in the shopping district of my city, pedestrians bustling past on their way to jobs or to shop or whatever else they did. Cars honked on the roads as traffic banked up behind a public transport bus that pulled out into the street. Neon lights and billboards adorned the skyscrapers around me promoting soft drink, sporting events, various other things I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care about. In the sky I could see a helicopter in the distance looking for the right building to land on. I was very impressed, the city was even better than I had imagined. The size of the place was immense, and the amount of people all crammed into this small place with the noise and traffic was almost overwhelming. I decided to try and get a better look at the place from above. Seeing the tallest tower in the city a few blocks further along the road, I strolled towards it as quickly as I was able in the hope it would have some form of viewing area or observation deck near the roof. Dodging and weaving through the

pedestrians I meandered my way through the throng of people, trying not to get bumped or knocked off course. I thought to myself that I could have hailed a cab or used a bus or something but I didn’t have any money on me and I was happy to enjoy the sights and sounds of the city, not to mention the smell. Diesel and petrol fumes, sweat from the thousands of bodies baking under the hot sun, food cooked by the plethora of street vendors all invaded my nose as I walked. I paused at a news stand where a multitude of magazines and newspapers were displayed. I picked up a newspaper from the largest stack, ‘The Daily Mail’ was it’s name. Checking the date on the front of the paper I realised it was the twelfth of June 1992. A good year I thought, few mobile phones to distract people and the internet was yet to become a major factor. The attendant spoke to me as I looked over his stock. “How you doing there?” He asked. “I am well, thank you,” I replied with a smile. “You a tourist?” “Yes I am in fact, just passing through and catching the sights.” I took a better look at the man, he was middle aged with a short greying beard, average height and build but with kind eyes and an old wide brimmed hat. “Ah, thought so. Make sure you check out the view from the big skyscraper over yonder. Worth the long elevator ride.” The man pointed at the tower I was heading towards. “Thank you I was just on my way there. They have a place to enjoy the view up top there then?” I asked. “Sure do, head on up to the 43rd floor and there’s plenty to see, nice cafe too if you feel like paying too much for instant coffee.” The attendant replied. I laughed. “Thank you my friend I will head there now. Have a good day.” I smiled at him and headed off. “You too, enjoy the sights.” The man said as I turned away.

Reaching the tower I entered through the revolving doors into a large open lobby. A few business people hurried by to the elevators but there were several other tourists scattered around the area too. An information booth was set up to the left, manned by a quite attractive young woman who was surrounded by various brochures advertising different sites, events and attractions for the city. A large map of the building behind her showed me which elevator to take for the observation deck, I was happy to see the viewing platform was free of any charge as well. A couple ahead of me seemed to have the same idea that I had and I ended up following them into the elevator. They nodded in politeness as I followed them through the automatic doors before the three of us stood in an uncomfortable silence while the elevator slowly rose the forty three floors to the observation deck. I glanced at the pair as we waited, they looked like they were in their early to mid twenties, both well dressed and reasonably good looking. The two were holding hands I noticed, very cute. Finally the doors opened onto a well lit and open area. Walking out of the elevator I turned around in amazement. Glass windows surrounded the floor giving me an amazing view of the city and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s surrounding suburbs. I walked up to the nearest window, squeezing between two groups of people for a better look. Peering out I could see the river that cut through the city wending itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s way to the north, a dock was in the distance, huge cranes unloading shipping crates from a transport ship. Walking further along I got a view deeper into the business district, looking down on other skyscrapers and buildings, the pavement and roads far below. The helicopter I saw earlier had landed nearby it seemed, the rotor blades slowly spinning down to a stop. I glanced around me and realised just how busy the observation deck was, numerous couples and families were bustling around, making use of the free binoculars or enjoying the cafe. They made the perfect audience to observe my first test of this place. Looking out of the observation deck at the helicopter below me I focused my attention on the craft. I imagined a large and powerful fist just behind it then punched out, mentally pushing the

helicopter away from me. An ecstatic thrill erupted inside me as I saw the helicopter fly across the helicopter pad like a childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s toy, smashing into the side of a nearby building creating a huge ball of fire. Around me people on the observation deck gasped in shock, rushing to where I was to see the destruction. I just stood there, grinning from ear to ear at the possibilities ahead of me. I barely heard the tears and screams, the gasps and shouts, I just stood there admiring the destruction I had caused and wondering just what my limits were in this place. Still smiling in satisfaction I gently eased my way out of the crowd and headed back towards the elevator. A few steps later I paused however, as a new idea popped into my head. I looked back at the windows where everyone was milling around, scrambling for a better look at my handiwork. Up the front I saw the couple I rode the elevator up with, their faces pressed against the glass. I concentrated on the window, focusing on willing the glass away, out of existence completely. Just like that, the glass vanished without even leaving a trace. The couple were the first to fall through, as the glass they were leaning against simply vanished in front of their eyes. Their momentum sent them stumbling out in to open air and before they even had a chance to scream they plummeted to the ground. Several others that were bunched around them also fell through. Screams filled the room as family members watched their loved ones fall to their death, one man stupid enough to fall through as he tried to stop his wife, who had also been pressed against the glass, from falling. This noise annoyed me and the elevator was still minutes away. I focused on these annoying people, focusing my attention on everyone in the observation deck whether they be man, woman or child. With a thought I imposed my will, thrusting all of the people out of the window. Sweeping them out of the forty third floor like an imaginary broom. Their screams quickly faded as they dropped to the ground, leaving me in happy silence. I walked to the edge of the window and gradually inched forward until I was at the very edge. A wave of vertigo almost overcame me, I had always been scared of heights and this was certainly quite a height. Peering down forty three floors the people on the ground seemed like ants, many of which were

milling around a dark stain below me from the dozens of people that had just splattered on the pavement. I laughed to myself, the people here really were ants, my own giant ants to play with as I wished. I decided to test something out, try something that every man always dreamed of. Concentrating on what I wanted I stepped out of the building into the open air, closing my eyes so I wouldn’t look at the ground. No rush of air, no sudden drop in my stomach greeted me. I slowly opened my eyes and saw the ground was the same distance away as it was earlier. I was floating in the air. Shouting in delight I giggled to myself, any vertigo I was feeling evaporated as a sense of immortality overcame me. Looking back into the building I saw a new group of people had just exited the elevators and were staring at me in shock, I laughed and waved at them. Turning away I focused on flying, moving forward with a thought. After a few minutes it was as easy as breathing. I held my arms out away from me and felt the air rush over my body as I sped through the air. With a shout of exhilaration I flew through the city, weaving through the skyscrapers and ducking under the bridges that spanned the river nearby. Every now and then I would fly near the ground until I was scraping the tops of trees and light poles. I would hear the shouts and screams from shocked onlookers on the ground and laugh and wave at them before soaring off into the sky again. After several minutes of touring the city by air, I hovered over the bridge I had seen from the observation deck and looked down at my metropolis. I wondered to myself what limits my power had over this place. I hadn’t encountered any limits or barriers to my abilities yet so I decided to test them out in as extreme a method as possible. I determined that the skyscraper I had looked out of earlier would be the best example to test my boundaries and focused my attention upon it. I reached out with my mind, again picturing a massive imaginary hand pushing the building. A result wasn’t as quick as with the helicopter but slowly I could see the building start to tip. A grinding noise came to my ears as the sound caught up to my position,

encouraging me to push harder. With glee and astonishment I saw the building slowly keel over, collapsing with a massive explosion, dust and debris creating a small mushroom cloud where the tower used to stand. Shocked and excited at the sheer awesome power I wielded, I flew closer to the destruction to try and catch a better view of my work. Ambulances, fire engines and police cars were approaching from all sides, disappearing from view as they entered the growing cloud of dust billowing out from the crash site. The dust obscuring my view of the destruction I caused. I didn’t mind, I knew how absolute the power I wielded now was. I shouted at the sky in delight. A dark glee filled me and I looked for bigger and better ways to cause mayhem. I cast my gaze towards the bridge I had hovered over earlier. A grin springing to my lips as a new idea popped into my head. I focused upon the bridge and with a thought ripped it from its moorings. Cars, buses and other vehicles careened off each end, plummeting to the water or concrete. Like a kid’s ball I threw the bridge straight up into the air, laughing as the few cars left on the bridge were flung in all directions. After flying in the air several hundred meters the bridge plunged into the river with a tremendous splash, mini tsunamis cascading outwards and flooding the streets near the river. I was having the most fun I had had in years. Deciding to get a closer look at my destruction, I landed on the ground out of sight of prying eyes and walked towards the scene of the the bridge crash. People were rushing every which way, some to escape the destruction, some to get a better look on it and others to check on friends and family. The few police and ambulance that weren’t attending the skyscraper I had pushed over could be heard in the distance, sirens gradually getting closer as they inched through the panicked crowds. As I drew closer to the river the roads were wet and covered with debris from the waves the crash created. A boat was washed up on the road ahead of me, a couple of kids standing in it posing for photos for a nearby friend. A woman nearby was in a pay phone crying on the phone. “Why is this happening? What is going on?” I heard as I walked by. I smiled at the thought that she would never realise that I was what

had caused all this destruction. The streets were very crowded, far worse than when I first arrived at this city. No road traffic was moving with the amount of people on the asphalt. The majority of the people were moving towards the river rather than away from it, likely to catch a glimpse of the disaster first hand. I thought it likely that most still did not know of the earlier skyscraper crash what with the lack of mobile phones and internet at this time. Finally I reached the river and was able to see my handiwork from the ground, I gasped at the destruction. Smashed cars from the bridge were scattered along the river bank, I noticed bodies still inside the two vehicles closest to me. The bridge itself was smashed into pieces, some pieces somehow floating in the river, others washed ashore, while the majority of the bridge had sunk to the bottom of the water. The waves caused by the crash had destroyed the marina nearby, the boats flung onto the roads, many of which were mostly intact. Ambulances and paramedics were scattered along the road running parallel to the river, attending to people crushed by the waves or impaled by debris that had crashed into them. None of the ambulances had bothered checking on the cars that fell off the bridge. They likely knew there was nothing that could be done for those people. I walked along the road to the nearest paramedic who was attending a young woman sprawled on the ground, half leaning against the wall of a building. She had been skewered through her side by a sharp piece of wood that had likely broken off a boat or pier. Her eyes were running with tears as she woozily pleaded for help from the paramedic. The paramedic was doing his best to dress the wound while repeatedly calling for an ambulance on his radio. I was disturbed by this sight, a sense of realism finally penetrating my psyche. I looked around at all the people crying and in pain. I looked out at the bodies scattered along the shore trapped in the twisted steel cages they were driving in just a few minutes earlier. I felt a touch of shame for the first time since I had entered this place. Why was I doing this? Why was I causing all this suffering? This isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t right. This isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t me.

I came to my senses quickly. None of these people mattered, none of them were real. They were tools, puppets even. Here solely for my amusement. They were nothing. Angry at myself for my weakness I launched myself into the air, looking down on my city. This was my city. My city. I would do what I liked with it. I hovered over a group of shocked onlookers that were pointing and waving at me. They were ants, I remembered what I did to ants when I was smaller. I pictured a magnifying glass concentrating the suns rays directly on this group of people. They screamed as their clothes burst into flame within a few seconds. Quickly they scattered, running in all directions. I focused on one man in particular, holding him in place with my mind and concentrating the heat directly on his body. His flesh melted off next, his screams quickly stopping. I continued baking his body until all that was left was a charcoal skeleton. I turned towards a police car that was approaching down the street and mentally picked it up and flung it against a building nearby so hard that it smashed through the other side. My dark glee returned and I rose high up in the air to contemplate my next move. “Simon, you coming down for dinner? It’s ten past seven already and it’s getting cold.” My mother’s voice sounded in my head as if it was from a different world. It really was in a way I thought, just not a world I had control over. I sighed to myself and replied. “Coming, be down in a sec.” I disengaged the head piece, or ‘rig’ as it was called, and pulled myself out of the game. Blinking my eyes I adjusted back to reality, a little sad and disappointed that I had to return to my mediocre life. I was sitting in my chair in my room. My bed, unmade of course, in the corner. My wardrobe, left open, in another corner. Clothes on the floor, candy wrappers under the bed. I focused on the candy wrappers, trying to will them away like I could in the game I just left. Nothing. I stood up from my chair and put my rig on the desk. I was very impressed by the game I admitted to myself, perhaps a little too impressed. ‘My Own Universe’ lived up to it’s reputation as a

personal world of your own to do whatever you liked in. “Simon! Last call or it’s going in the bin!” I heard my mother shout from downstairs. I sighed then realised that after dinner I still had all night to resume playing. Resume my destruction. I could spend dinner thinking up what else I could do to my people. Grinning I left my room and walked downstairs. Who needed this universe when my own was far more fun.

Chapter 2: Age 19

I drifted off as the lecturer spoke, I was sitting in one of my programming lectures, couldn’t remember which one and didn’t really care. I had been in college almost a year now and just wasn’t into it anymore. I had done pretty well in high school in the end, my parents severely limited my game time once they saw how obsessed I was getting. At one point I was skipping school and sneaking back into my room just so I could jack in for the whole day. I remember spending a whole weekend, from Friday night until Sunday evening connected to a game session before I eventually collapsed from exhaustion and hunger. That was the last straw for them. At the time I agreed with them, I cut games out completely, focused on my studies and started spending more time with my friends in real life rather than just online. A few months later and I was acing my tests, spending the weekends with friends and learning to drive. Things were good. My results in high school were good enough to get me into one of the more prestigious colleges on the west coast. My parents were ecstatic. The first six months I was there I did little but study and read, ignoring the party life that many in college enjoyed. However, after my midyear exams I started to slip again. My old roommate had had to pull out for family reasons, he never did tell me exactly

what so I gained a new roommate, John. John was a big My Own Universe junkie, he had the full rig and a hard drive full of scenarios and settings that dwarfed any I had ever heard of. For him it was a hobby, a way to relax after work or school, he still seemed to live a balanced life as well and was even seeing some college girl steady. I didn’t have that control. John was a friendly guy and he let me use his rig one night while he was out with his girl. I said to him I wasn’t interested but thanks anyway and went back to my studies. The temptation however, was niggling in the back of my mind. It was like the game was calling me to it. I started thinking of all the great times I had had in the game in the past. The freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Flying over cities, picking up whole buildings and flinging them into the middle of a busy shopping district, reinventing myself as a famous actor where every man and woman fawned over my every move. I’ll just give it a go for a bit this evening I thought, I am already well ahead in my studies and deserve a break. Six hours passed in the blink of an eye, I only came off when John arrived home late that night and unplugged the machine while I was still in it. He laughed at me, telling me he had got me hooked now. I laughed back and told him it was just the once, I have better things to live for. In the back of my mind though I heard a little voice urging me to try it again the next day. However, I didn’t use it again the next day, or the day after that, I was able to resist even better than I thought I could. It was a full week before I jacked in to the game again, on another night when John had gone out. He grinned at me as he left our room. “Guess I’ll be pulling you out the game when I get home tonight again,” he said. I laughed back. “We’ll see,” I said as he closed the door. I stared at the rig for a few minutes, I knew I would end up using it and again and again after that

once I started playing. I began contemplating ways that I could limit my use, resist letting the game dominate my life. I did come up with ways as well, I had a whole plan mapped out where I would give myself set hours of use each week, make use of the parental control system to make sure I stopped overdoing it again. I even justified my use of the rig, I told myself it was a release from the pressures of the real world, a way to experience new things and find out about my inner desires. Crap like that always suckered me in when I heard it from other people, never thought I would delude myself the same way though. A couple of weeks passed and I was hooked. I had purchased my own rig, much like John’s, and was jacking in at least every day. A month after that and I was further down the spiral than I had ever been. Frequently John would physically remove the rig from me and force me to eat or drink. He tried to talk me out of using the rig too much but I always explained myself in a way that left him somewhat satisfied that I wasn’t addicted. He was out a lot himself though so I don’t think he realised just how much time I was on it, or that I had stopped going to most of my classes or seeing any of my friends. I hadn’t had time to make many friends in college so far, none of my school friends had the grades to make it into this place so I had tried to network as much as I could in the couple of months I had been here. I had made a few bonds with people but nothing too firm yet, none of them knew me well enough to know how much trouble I was really in. A representative from college snapped me from my fugue after about a month of my complete addiction. I was told if my grades didn’t improve and I didn’t start attending classes my parents would be advised that I would be kicked out of college and unable to reapply for a year. I got my act together for a bit then, even took a couple of days off jacking in. Quickly though I slipped back into the habit, however I made sure that I still went to classes now and made some attempt to pass my assignments. A month or so later and there I was, sitting in a programming class, barely listening and wondering how quickly I could get back to my dorm room and get myself jacked in. As the lecturer called the class to a close I was one of the first to pack away my laptop and start

making my way out of the room. As I walked along the grassy area outside the lecture hall a girl came up beside me as I walked. “You’re a Universe junkie aren’t you?” She asked. I had never seen this girl before that I could recall. She was about my age, slim, long brown hair, greenish brown eyes and a cute face. “What do you mean? I’m no junkie.” I replied, continuing my steady pace. “Not drugs, the game. My Own Universe. I know the type, you aren’t the first to get addicted. I can help you you know.” She said. “I don’t need any help, haven’t you got something better to do anyway, I am sure there are homeless people that need help more than a college student.” I was growing annoyed at the audacity of the girl. “I know what can happen to those that get hooked.” She grabbed my arm to stop me, I whirled around anger in my eyes at this girl who was confronting me, even though I knew I really was hooked and she was trying to help. “I barely play it, you don’t even know me!” I said, my voice raised. “My brother died last year. Died.” The girl said, her eyes welling up. “He was hooked on that stupid game too, would jack in every night. One day my parents opened the door to his room and he was just sitting in his chair, dead. Doctor said he had some kind of seizure and he had barely eaten or drunk anything in weeks. You need to stop now before it’s too late.” I had heard of such gaming related deaths recently. As the system was getting more popular and also more mainstream, more and more people were jacking in. Unfortunately some were jacking in too often, even worse than me and there had been several deaths due to malnutrition, starvation and such through people simply refusing to remove themselves from their fantasy lands. There were also people that started to lose the ability to distinguish between real life and their own fantasies. I reined in my anger as I realised she was genuinely concerned rather than just some nosy do gooder college chick. “I am sorry to hear that, that would have been very hard to deal with. I am not

your brother though. I play the game sometimes sure, but I know when to quit.” “Do you? When was the last time you ate?” She asked. “I had a buffet dinner at New York last...” I trailed off as I realised what I was saying. New York was six hours away and I had never been there before in my life. Not in reality anyway. “You sure you aren’t playing too much?” She asked. I didn’t reply, just shook my head and looked at the ground. “Look I am not going to barge into your room and take your gear away. There’s a group, they get together and talk about their addiction, try and move on. Here’s some details.” She handed me a leaflet. Gamers Anonymous. “What is this? Some AA meeting or something?” I asked in surprise. “Yes, pretty much exactly that. You have an addiction and it is destroying you.” “Look I’ll think about it okay. Thanks, I have to head to class.” I said turning to leave. “You think about it!” She said as I walked away. I headed towards a bin as I walked back to my room but paused as I went to drop the leaflet in the trash. Was I addicted? Did I need help? I folded up the leaflet and put it in my pocket. Just in case. Four months later John found me unconscious on the floor of our room, I had wet myself and had had a seizure at some point. He rushed me to the hospital in his old beat up ford. I vaguely remember lying in the back of the car, complaining that I had been unplugged. My next memories are of lying in the bed at the hospital listening to the doctors tell me that if John hadn’t have walked in when he did I would have been dead in an hour or two. I don’t know if they were trying to scare me or what, I didn’t really care I just wanted to get healthy again. I couldn’t get back to my game until I was healthy. A week after that I was sent home by the college. Because my discharge was due to a medical reason my parents didn’t even realise my addiction had engulfed me again. I never got time to attend one of those Gamers Anonymous meetings. I still wonder what would have changed if I had listened to that girl.

Chapter 3: Age 20

The rain was pouring down around me, cascading off my hat like a miniature waterfall. I could feel the water slowly seeping into my clothes, the wind driving home the cold. I didn’t pay it any mind, my thoughts were elsewhere, all I could do was stare at that front door. I was standing across the street from my house. It was nighttime, around 9pm, the only light was that emanating from the aging street lamps, half of which were faulty or blown. There were no cars around, it was a quiet street most of the time, a nice street. My wife, Anna, thought I was at work, doing another late shift to try and get in some extra money so we can have that kid sooner rather than later. I loved my wife. Loved. Not any more. My suspicions rose a few weeks ago, I wasn’t feeling too great and took the night off. She freaked, started ranting about responsibilities, how we were supposed to be working towards a family. I explained I would get paid regardless, I had sick pay saved up. She was still angry and left the lounge room. I peeked into the bedroom to see what she was doing. Texting, but texting who? It took me a few days to find the right opportunity to check her phone, she held on to it like a dog with a bone, it was like another limb for her. She was in the shower and left it in the bedroom, not in sight of course, zipped up in her handbag out of easy reach. I seized my opportunity and quickly took it out and scanned through her messages. There were hundreds, literally hundreds of messages between her and some guy, some man called Edward. It was enough. I put the phone back, zipped up her bag and went back to the lounge to continue watching TV. I was surprised I didn’t feel much, just satisfaction that my suspicions were confirmed. I thought I would feel sad, upset, angry at least. Nothing. Nothing for a few minutes at least.

Slowly a dark cold rage grew inside me. How dare she? How dare she do this to me! A thirst for vengeance, to enact pain on this woman that betrayed me, as well as this Edward person, began to consume me and dominate my thoughts. As various scenarios played out in my head I lost track of what was going on around me, lost in murderous contemplation. “You okay honey?” Anna asked, wearing a towel and drying her hair. “Yeah babe, just zoned out a bit. Tired from work I think.” I said snapping back to reality and smiling at my wife, my betraying, bitch wife. She joined me after she had finished in the shower and we watched some movie, I can’t remember what. Went to bed later on and slept together as if nothing had ever happened. The next day I kissed her goodbye as I went to work in the evening. That’s how I played it for the next few weeks. I smiled, I laughed, I did exactly the same crap I always did, waiting for the right time. That time had now arrived. I had been starting work a couple of hours late every night for the past fortnight, this gave me plenty of time to survey they house after Anna thought I had left. Anna kept a pretty standard schedule, half an hour after I left her Edward would arrive. After a quick kiss and hug they would go inside. After a brief five minute chat they would then proceed to the bedroom where they would spend the rest of their time together, which was generally an hour or two. Edward would then kiss her goodbye and leave. Short and sweet really. In my hand was a 9mm Glock, I had never owned a gun before last week, today I would get to fire one on a person. I had made sure all the door hinges were well oiled so they wouldn’t squeak when the door opened. The trunk of my car was lined in plastic and I already had a location ready for the bodies. The holes were already dug and waiting. I saw shadows move in front of the bedroom and realised my time to strike had arrived. I walked up to my front door and slowly opened it inwards, keeping my gun at the ready just in case they came out of the bedroom. My feet squealed slightly on the timber floors, I cursed myself for forgetting to dry them but decided to persist forward anyway as I was already inside.

Creeping forward I heard the noises of my wife and her lover’s lovemaking from the bedroom ahead, there was no chance they would hear my shoes with the pair making all that noise. I walked towards the doorway, the door was ajar but not enough that I could see in or they could see out. Reaching the door I listened briefly to their continued grunting, sounded like they would be going for a while, plenty of time for me to bring it all to an abrupt halt. I didn’t wait or savour the moment I simply flung the door open and without even thinking shot Edward in the middle of his back as he was mid thrust. His grunt turned into a gurgle as the bullet punctured his lung. I walked forward and shot him again in the back of his head. Blood and brain matter spattered over my wife’s face. She gasped in shock and horror, before sucking in a breath to scream. I stopped her before she could however, one bullet to the throat and then another to her eye. I would have liked to let her suffer a little longer but it wasn’t worth the risk of a neighbour hearing. Although with this rain they would have been unlikely to hear a thing anyway. Too late now. I stood there and stared at the woman I once loved staring back at me with one eye, the other a bloody ruined mess. Her hair looked nice, she must have prettied herself up for Edward before he came round, she was even wearing those nice earrings I had bought her for her birthday a year or two ago. I waited to feel a swell of emotion and grief overcome me, none came. I felt numb, satisfied but numb. I put the gun in my jacket and went outside to my car, backing it in next to Edward’s. I would have to dispose of that later. I don’t really remember putting the bodies in the car, removing the bed sheets or wiping down the walls. It is all a blur now, my next memory is of driving down the highway towards the East Greenville Woods at close to 11pm. My two passengers safely folded up in the boot, hopefully not leaking too much. Reaching one of the many scattered gates to the woods I drove through into the large national park. There were no rangers around at this time and very rarely any other cars in this particular area. I had chosen this spot specifically as there was little scenery and it was out of the way of the popular areas.

The forest was pitch black, the rain and clouds completely obscuring the moon and stars. Occasionally an animal of some sort would dart off the road as my headlights lit them up, they were always too fast for me to make out properly though. Slowly the forest began to clear and the small, mostly disused picnic spot in this area came into view. A few scattered benches and tables in a clearing, a plaque stating what flora and fauna were in this area of the park, it was quite a nice spot really. I drove past it keeping an eye out for any late night visitors. There were none. About a mile further up, where the road had turned to dirt and was rarely used by anyone except the ranger, I pulled over. I remembered the spot by the large dead tree just off the road, it’s old bone white branches all twisted up into what looked like a claw reaching up into the sky. An appropriate spot if there was any. I turned off the ignition and headlights and fumbled in my glove box for my flashlight. I opened the boot of my car and stared at the bloody leaking mess that used to be the woman I loved. Her mouth was agape, congealed blood running down the side of her face. Her one eye was still open, still staring. Not at me though, for which I was grateful. Edward was wedged up the back of the trunk so I decided to get rid of my wife first. Heaving her body over my shoulders I walked into the bushes, my flashlight in my mouth to light the way. I could barely see a thing but I knew where I was going, I had walked the path several times so that I wouldn’t forget, both in day and night. A hundred or so yards later I arrived at the site, the graves were still untouched, open and waiting. Without a pause I hefted Anna’s body off my shoulders and dumped her unceremoniously into the grave. One down. A few minutes passed and Edward had joined her, they could spend eternity side by side now I thought to myself. Picking up the shovel I had left behind when I dug the graves earlier, I covered up the bodies with soil, very wet soil now. The rain continued as I worked but I still didn’t notice it as I continued with my grisly duty. With the bodies covered I kicked some leaves and twigs over the bodies and smiled. This is what it was like to kill somebody, it felt good. I stretched out, working out the kinks in my back from all that

heavy labor and grinned at the rain clouds above me. I had my revenge. I disengaged the program and rose from my chair, my whole body was tingling in both ecstasy and fear. I had really felt it, really felt the rage, the anger. I had seen the light go out of that woman’s eyes as I shot her. This new addition to My Own Universe was simply awesome. I had downloaded it from a more nefarious site, it wasn’t an official addition of course, some psycho genius must have put it together. Man was it good though. I was pacing up and down my room to relieve the tension and excitement, my mother must have heard all the footsteps. “You alright in there?” I heard from her bedroom a couple of rooms over. “Yeah, sorry mum!” I called back. Things had been tense since I had been sent home from college. The parents had had such high hopes that I would make it big as some computer programmer or what not. I explained to them I was still sick from my illness, they were under the impression that I had been drugged at a party still, they had no idea I was up to my old tricks again. I told them I would be heading back to college at the start of next semester but really any ambition I once had had evaporated. Why bother when My Own Universe fulfilled my every need. Any fantasy, no matter how depraved I could think of was being concocted in digital form, ready for me to experience first hand just as if I was the one committing the deed. I could still feel the gun in my hand, feel the recoil as it fired into that guy’s back. The gurgle of noise as it penetrated his lung. Man was that a good feeling. The new first person experience programs had been out for a few months now, most of them were relatively tame, experiencing a Formula 1 car race, skydiving, white water rafting etc. I never bothered showing any interest in any of these until an old buddy of mine from school emailed me about them and sent some links of a few to try. This program was one of those and I was very glad I gave it a shot. I thought it would just be like watching a movie from behind the eyes of one of the actors, this

was far more than that. I could feel the rage, the menace, the emotion within the character. I felt the gun fire, the rain drops on my clothes. I felt like I really was there, committing those murders. Calming down I hopped onto my laptop and started searching the sites for my next experience. I wanted something even more extreme, something to really get me going. There were a couple more murder ones, one involving killing and eating oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s whole family. Bit too much for me that one. Another was a rampage through a city. Finally I found my next program, I would get to beat someone to death in a bar brawl. I would experience the whole night from reaching the bar in the early evening to the brutal murder at the end. Apparently I would even get in a police chase in my motorbike as I escaped justice at the end of the scenario. Sounded pretty cool. I set up the download and went to bed for a while, wanted to rest up big for my next full day of gaming. *

Chapter 4: Age 21

I sat on the bench of the mall staring blankly at the shoppers passing by. It had been a year now since I had left college, and I had spent nearly every day playing the game. I managed to keep my parents from kicking me out or discovering my secret by starting an online course in Computer Science. I made sure to join them in the lounge with my study material every now and then, that seemed to keep them satisfied and also gave a convenient explanation for why I spent so much time alone in my room. In my defense I even did some of the work and passed too! I made sure to go out on occasion as well, I had made a few friends online who were into the game and we would meet up and swap ideas and chat about our experiences. It actually felt like a normal life to a degree, however I was still barely sleeping at night and was spending at least eight hours a day jacked in.

Then the new game expansion came out and my life took a rapid turn for the worse. Recent advances had brought to the market 3D recording cameras. These cameras could be mounted on a car or just carried around in your hand, they were lightweight, about half the size of a paperback book. With this new technology anyone could go out into the street and replicate whatever they recorded on their computer in full 3D. It didn’t take long for people to start recording and copying their whole neighbourhoods into the game. Some of the friends I had made had joined together and managed to replicate most of our local neighbourhood and even populated the area with many of the people that lived nearby, ones that went out anyway. The voices were different and their personality matrices were nothing like who they really were but superficially at least, it was a copy of reality. We even took the cameras to each others houses so our home’s would be included in the scenarios making it even more believable. I didn’t have the money for one of these cameras but my friends were nice enough to give me a copy of what they had put together. It quickly became my most used scenario in the game. I had grown tired of the countless murder and rampage scenarios that were out, after a while none of them seemed real enough. I didn’t know the places they depicted, didn’t know the people that I became or the people that I killed and once I had killed them once, I rarely got any rush from the experience. It became hard for me to get that emotional high when I was bashing someones brains in for the fifteenth time. I needed a new release and to be able to unleash my inner demon’s on my own neighbourhood was perfect. The first time I logged in I could barely believe it. I was standing outside my house, my own house in all it’s mediocrity in My Own Universe. I grinned and walked up the path to the front door. I opened the door and looked inside, everything was perfect. The curtains, the dining table, the wall unit with the family photos. I walked through to the staircase and climbed the stairs straight up to my room. I opened the door slowly and peeked inside. I almost expected to see myself sitting in my chair in the middle of the room with my rig on. The room was empty however, but it was clearly my room.

Admittedly some things were in slightly different places, which made sense as the recording had been completed a couple of weeks ago, but it was as close to perfect as I could imagine. Now I just had to introduce people to this scenario. A few days later and a couple of tweaks from my friends and it was finished. I spent the next two weeks spending the majority of every day tearing up my neighbourhood in my own fantasy world. I was surprised at how many people I recognised in the game, there was the stuck up lady across the street with that little poodle that she walked religiously every day. The man in the park who always fed the birds. When I visited the local mall it was filled with people I didn’t know but that was normal and the shopkeepers and workers were all familiar making it feel just like reality. I was impressed. I didn’t need a plot or a story to keep me enthralled in this place, having the ability to murder anyone I liked, destroy anything I liked and even create my own fantasy persona was far more exciting and fulfilling than anything else I had experienced. I was God in this place, lord of the realm and when it was in my own neighbourhood it really made it feel real. I snapped out of my daydream and looked around the mall watching the crowds go by, a little smile on my face as the possibilities ran through my head. I had stopped using powers in the game recently, it took away the realism, these days I wanted everything as real as possible, it gave me a bigger rush. I looked over at a group of three teenage boys hanging their heads off of the edge of the barrier overlooking the ground floor. One of them was trying to spit on a group of seniors sitting on a bench much like mine on the floor below while the others laughed and cheered him on. It disgusted me and made me happy at the same time, one for how evil kids could be and the other for how realistic the game had really become now. Rising from my bench I decided to stop dithering and start enjoying myself. I walked over to the group of boys. “Hey guys how you doing?” I said, walking up to them casually.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;What? Who are you?â&#x20AC;? One of them said, turning around from peering off the edge. Before he could think I grabbed the front of his shirt and threw him off the barrier. Before he even hit the ground I grabbed his friends legs who was standing next to him and flipped him over the edge too. I grinned, this was more satisfying than I thought it would be. The last boy, the one who had been spitting, turned around to face me, eyes wide in shock from seeing his friends flung off the edge. I could hear distant screams of pain so I assumed the boys survived. I darted forward and punched him square in the nose feeling the cartilage break beneath my fist. His hands flung up to cover his face as blood started to pour down from his broken nose. I seized my moment and flung him off the edge too, he had enough time to scream as he fell. Satisfyingly I saw him land on the bench the seniors had been sitting on, his back snapping as he landed and his scream coming to an abrupt halt. I laughed and turned away from the barrier. The other shoppers were busy fleeing from me, fleeing from the mad man who had just thrown three young boys off the top floor of a shopping mall. A pair of security guards were running towards me, hands reaching for the pepper spray on their hips. Time to jack out and load a new scenario I decided. I reached up to remove my rig only to grab nothing but my unkempt hair. There was no rig. Then it dawned upon me. I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t in the game, I had jacked out late this morning to go to the mall to buy some new hardware. My little daydream on the bench had thrown me off and made me forget where I was. Panic set in, my stomach dropped. Those kids, I killed at least one of them, what the hell was I thinking! I turned and started to run from the security guards who were rapidly approaching, people scattered as I ran towards them which at least made it easier for me to run through the crowd. I saw the escalator leading to the lower floor and ran down it pushing past an old lady who seemed oblivious to the chaos around her.

Reaching the ground floor I headed towards the exit which fortunately was in the other direction from the boys I had thrown over the barrier. Racing towards it I came to a screeching halt when I saw another pair of security guards manning the doors, they saw me approach and I guess my description must have gone out or they recognised the fear on my face as they immediately started walking towards me reaching for their pepper spray. Behind the guards I could see a police car pulling up in the distance, my panic almost overcame me. I looked frantically around for another way out as the security guards drew closer. Swearing to myself I noticed a bank of elevators to my right with a door leading to a stairwell. I bolted straight towards the stairwell, crashing through the doors and sprinting up the stairs three at a time. My heart was beating faster than it ever had before in my life, my breath was ragged and I could feel my stomach starting to cramp from the exertion. I pressed on though, I had to escape. I hadn’t thought of the fact my face would be clearly shown on several CCTV cameras and unless I was prepared to run for the rest of my life I would be caught. I didn’t stop at the second floor or the third, I kept going until the stairs ended at a door marked ‘Roof”. Apparently opening it would trigger an alarm but with the amount of trouble I was already in I didn’t think it would matter too much, I could already hear footsteps below me and voices shouting at me to stop. I needed to move fast. Pushing open the door, immediately a loud bell started ringing near deafening me. I ran out onto the roof and took a quick couple of seconds to decide where to go. The roof area was huge and scattered with various chimneys, pipes and air conditioning units amongst other things I couldn’t name. I thought of hiding then decided against it, they would eventually find me. I decided to just run to the far end and see what my options were there, perhaps there would be a ladder down to the ground or at least something to break my fall. I started running to the end of the roof, behind me I heard the roof door crash open. The alarm was still ringing but I distinctly heard someone shout for me to stop. I glanced over my shoulder, it was two police men with their guns drawn and pointing right at me. Instinctively I darted behind an air

conditioning unit just in time as a shot was fired, ricocheting off a pipe nearby. Weaving between the myriad of obstructions I ducked my head as I heard another shot fire behind me. Losing my footing I slipped and skidded along the ground, falling onto my back. My heart was pounding, I could feel my vision start to dim as I started to lose consciousness. I had never exerted myself like this before in my life. Shaking it off I leapt up to my feet and kept running. I could see the edge of the roof finally coming towards me, bringing a smile to my lips. As I approached the edge I reached up to the rig on my head to turn powers back on so I could fly off the edge and to safety. As I reached up I realised that I had forgotten where I was again. I tried to stop myself but I was running too fast and the end of the roof was only a meter away. Skidding I went over the end of the roof falling three storeys onto a garden bed below. Luckily the fall knocked me unconscious and I didn’t have to feel the shame of being publicly dragged into a police car in handcuffs. The next thing I remembered was waking up in a hospital bed, one arm handcuffed to my bed. A doctor was standing over me, an older man with greying hair and kind eyes. He said I would be in hospital for a few more days for observation before my release to the county jail and court appearance, he was nice enough while I was there and never once referred to the reason I had been admitted. Apparently if it had been concrete I had landed on I could have died or suffered a serious permanent injury, I was lucky enough to escape with a broken leg and some cracked ribs. My parents visited me shortly after I woke up. It wasn’t pretty, my mum couldn’t stop crying and asking me “Why?” My dad just stood there shaking his head at me and telling me what a failure I was. I didn’t see them again while I was in hospital. A cop came in soon after to formally charge me with second degree murder, battery, resisting arrest and a bunch of other charges that I can’t remember. He asked me if I understood. I nodded, swallowing hard as tears ran down my cheeks.

“What were you thinking son?” He asked sternly, looking down at me. “I thought it was a game.” I replied hoarsely. The cop just shook his head. “Get a lawyer kid, and make it a good one.” He left after that, left me alone in my room with nothing but the noise and bleeps of the hospital equipment around me. I cried myself to sleep that night, and the night after that if I remember right. My hospital time was one big blur of misery. Eventually I was transferred to the county jail, I was lucky enough to have a room to myself due to my injuries which helped alleviate many of my prison house nightmares. The cells were only divided by bars however, allowing free view of the other inmates around me. Most looked at me in disdain, or ignored me completely. I was happy to keep to myself. By the time my first court appearance came around I was still on crutches with a taped up chest from my cracked ribs. I nodded as the Judge asked if I understood the charges. A bail was set but I knew my parents wouldn’t pay it. I saw them up the back of the courthouse, my mother weeping softly into a tissue, my father stone faced and refusing to look me in the eye. A few hours later and I was sitting back in my cell wondering how I had managed to fall so far so quickly. Not much changed over the following few weeks. I sat in my cell, read some books, slowly healed. I made friends with the guy in the cell next to me, Tyrone. He had been busted for stealing a car. We were around the same age, both liked video games so that helped us get talking. By the time he left after we had spent a couple of months together I think we knew everything about each other. I missed him more than I thought I would when he left. My parents never visited me in jail, although I did get a letter from my mother. She told me she was sorry she couldn’t see me but was having trouble accepting what I had turned into. She promised to see me when I was sentenced. My final court day came around four months after I had first been thrown in jail. It felt like four years. I no longer needed my crutches and walked with little more than a slight limp. My lawyer had

even given me a suit to wear, I honestly looked the best I had in years. My lawyer had tried to plead insanity but the judge wasn’t having any of it, apparently thinking you were in a video game had been tried too many times in the past. I was found guilty on all counts. The judge took into account my young age and clean record and sentenced me to twenty years with a fifteen year non parole period. Apparently this was quite a good deal, I found that hard to believe when I was faced with the fact that I would be 36 at best by the time I got out. If I got out. My parents never turned up for the sentencing. I sat in my cell that night for the last time before I got transferred and cried again. I hadn’t cried since the hospital but I cried now more than I ever had before in my life. I was surprised that none of the other prisoners said anything but I guess they had heard what happened and understood, either that or they just didn’t care. The next day I was escorted out into a secured bus and driven the three hour drive to the jailhouse. I don’t even remember the drive, I just remember seeing this big imposing grey wall topped with razor wire with a massive grey building behind it. My new home.

Chapter 5: Age 26

I sat in the snow staring up at the stars, the wind howled past, blowing the snow into a swirl around me. I felt a dampness on my hands and looked down, my hands were covered in blood, dripping through my fingers and staining the white coated ground. I stared at my fingers in puzzlement, wondering where the blood was coming from. Hearing a noise I looked up and somehow I was now in a busy shopping mall sitting on a bench. I looked around at the crowds of shoppers wandering past before I realised I recognised a few of the

shops around me. Taking a closer look at my surroundings I quickly realised that I was sitting on the bench. The bench where I had lost my grip on reality. Panic rose in me as I looked over at the barrier across the shopping mall. They were all standing there. All three of the boys I had either killed or injured, only this time they were not hanging over the edge taunting senior citizens. They were staring at me, their eyes like black pits drawing me into their own personal hell. I watched as suddenly their eyes started to bleed, running down their faces and dripping down their clothes. Their mouths slowly opened and closed as if they were trying to say something but I couldn’t make it out with all the noise of the other shoppers. I stood up to run towards them, to try and hear what they were saying and to say I was sorry and that I didn’t mean to do it. As I stood up everything changed again. I was standing in front of my parents in the living room of my house. They were wearing the same clothes as when I saw them last up the back of the court room. They were staring at me in disapproval, my mother shaking her head at me while tears slowly leaked down her face. I tried to say something to them but felt something constricting my throat. I felt around my neck and found a rope wrapped around it. I looked up and realised a hangman’s noose was around my neck and tied to the ceiling. I looked down and realised I was standing on an old stool I had made in school. My father had always kept in the shed as a keepsake. I looked up at him pleading with my eyes as he stepped forward with determination. I flung my hands up and reached for my rig, I wasn’t having fun anymore. There was no rig there, I wasn’t jacked in. Panic overcame me as my father slowly stepped forward and swung his leg back to kick the stool out from under me. I woke up with a start in my cell. My sheets were damp with sweat and my body was still shaking from the nightmare I had just experienced. I reached up to my head again, no rig, it was definitely just a dream. I could have sworn I was back in the game, it all felt so real, so vivid. Apparently it was normal to still have nightmares after all these years. I was surprised about my parents appearance though, that was a first.

Wiping sweat from my eyes I looked around my cell. My cell mate, Carl, was snoring below me. He had only been with me for a couple of months now. He was a few years younger than me and scared out of his mind still, I had been trying to show him the ropes with moderate success so far. From the noises I could hear outside the morning guards were starting to make their way in, it must be around 6am. No point going back to sleep. I looked across from me at the large calendar dominating the wall, a circle marked today’s date. Today was my big day, the day of my final exams. I had gone back to study after my first year in jail, I gave up on computers, considering the reason for my incarceration I thought it best if I moved on to something else. I turned to psychology and it seemed I really had a knack for it, the various subjects also helped me deal with and understand my own issues. Admittedly I had Tyrone to thank the most for pushing me back into study. I can honestly say I don’t think I could have survived so long here if it wasn’t for him. When I first arrived at this place all those years ago I thought he would ignore me when he saw me, but he came straight over shook my hand and introduced me to some of his friends or ‘crew’ as he referred to them. I thought his friends would laugh at Tyrone, a large burly African-American shaking hands with some skinny suburban white boy but they all shook my hand too. After a while here Tyrone realised that I needed something to occupy my mind or else I would go nuts so he started pushing me into getting involved in the prison education program. I resisted at first, I was still depressed and feeling sorry for myself. Eventually though I relented and three years later here I was. I hadn’t heard from my parents once after all these years, I did try calling them in my first year here but they never answered or called back. I wondered if they would be proud of me for finally finishing my studies. That was probably why I had dreamt about them, I did secretly hope they would somehow hear word of my successful return to studies regardless of the fact I was still in jail. I picked up my textbook which was still on my bed, I must have fallen asleep reading it, and went

over some of the key concepts. The exam was at nine in the morning so I had some time and I knew once the cells opened at eight Tyrone would be in here to see me before my big day. I smiled, I never would have thought I would make my first real friends in jail. Time flew by as I studied and before I knew it the cell doors were unlocking, Carl was still snoring below me. Right on schedule Tyrone poked his head in through the doors. “Ready for the big test my man?” Tyrone asked with a big grin on his face. “Yeah I guess so.” I replied, smiling back. Tyrone frowned, no doubt noticing my disheveled appearance on account of my nightmares. “You okay man? You got this, I know you do” “Just a bad dream Ty, I’ll be fine.” I slid down off the bunk and walked outside with him to let Carl sleep in peace. We walked over to the barrier overlooking the ground floor below us. “Feel good to be almost done?” Tyrone asked as we leaned against the railing. “Yeah it does, thanks Tyrone. Thanks for helping get me started. I really couldn’t have done it without you” I said. He slapped me on the back. “What you talking about? After all the time we have spent together we’re family. Once we get out of this place that ain’t going to change either. Five years left my man, five years and we’ll both be free.” I grinned, that was another bonus in completing my degree, a third of my sentence taken off. Educated prisoners are apparently less likely to re-offend. “Five years. Might do another degree in that time.” I said with a smile. Tyrone laughed. “That’s the spirit.” We stood there and chatted for a while longer about what we would both do when we got out. Places we would see, people we would catch up with. Some time later one of the guards came up to us. “It’s time, follow me and I’ll take you to the library.”

“Thanks, wish me luck Ty!” I said, looking back at Tyrone as I followed the guard. “Good luck man. Remember, think about the future!” I smiled, I actually had one now. ###