50 Dates in 50 Days The Most Powerful Dating Technique Known to Man! A Brave New World
Gentlemen, the world has changed. Maybe you thought the Internet was invented for free porn, sports scores, and online gaming, but probably noticed there’s a bit more to it than that. The Internet has spawned one thing in particular that hits your life square in the bread-basket: online dating. Sure, online personals and dating have been around for a few years, along with all the other HWP-SWM seeks late 20s ND/NS SWF for LTR personals that never really got anybody anywhere. And some people still look at it in the same vein, with maybe even a little bit of a stigma attached. But in the last few years something has changed: online dating websites are where the women are. Yes, that’s right, bona-fide in the flesh women looking for guys just like you. And some of that “you met where?” shame is wearing off, now it’s widely accepted by most to meet people online. But you didn’t really care about that anyway, did you? Think of it this way: you don’t have to approach a woman and her five friends at a bar, sitting there tempting you to come over and put charm on the line to buy her a drink. Sure, there are plenty of women there but what’s happening is after that bar they’re going home, a little tired, a little tipsy, and rather disappointed they spent all that time getting dolled up for what turned out to be no good reason. They sit down at their computer and remember what one of their friends was telling them at work, about a guy they met on an Internet dating website somewhere. Or maybe it was something they read about it in a magazine or a newspaper article. Or whatever. Regardless of how they learned about online dating, what matters is that they will place an ad, hoping they’ll find someone. Online there are women who want to meet guys. They want to meet guys they are actually interested in getting to know, and believe-it-or-not they have different criteria in mind than when they're out with their girlfriends. But what they don’t realize is that a rough road lies ahead in online dating. They’ve got some hope, some motivation – which is good for us -- but online dating usually goes differently than what they’re expecting.
Read on and you will learn that this gap between expectations and reality is your opportunity. Listen to me very carefully. Regardless if you’re looking for a wife, a girlfriend, or a new gal-pal, you can make all of this work in your favor. All it takes is a little bit of knowledge which I’m going to deliver to you over the next few pages. There are so many sites to choose from, it can be hard to decide which one you might want to pick. To save you some time and trouble, I will tell you my three favorite sites and why I think they're the best. We recommend you to join these site.
Iwantu , Adultfriendfinder , Friendfinder , Fling and AmateurMatch
These websites are highly recommended, this is the best adult dating site I think that has ever been created. It's got EVERYTHING you want, I'm serious. You can even web cam chat with the girl you want to possibly meet up with, watch her videos and see all the pictures she uploaded (even +18 plus ones!) I use this site the most, you can find girls who just want to hook up, or have an “open relationship” or even find ones who want a real relationship! I rate this site 10/10
Why Bother with Online Dating? Well if you are reading this, you’ve probably already given online dating a shot or are strongly considering it. But what if you are one of those guys who already is doing well at meeting women? Should you bother with this? You should. Whenever you walk into a party or a bar, you see good looking women that you’d like to meet. But you don’t know anything else about them. So you waltz over, start up a conversation, and spend 20 minutes and at least one drink for her to (oops!) mention she’s got a boyfriend. Or is younger than you thought, or older, or just plain doesn’t look that good up close. The point is that a lot of it is still a gamble, and often a lot more work. Plus the interaction is almost completely on their terms rather than yours. There’s no reason to stop doing what you’re doing but why not add another avenue of possibility? Here is a chance to meet women you would otherwise never meet. Women that aren’t friends of friends that may have heard about that little “incident” that happened down in Vegas last year that you’d just as soon keep quiet. Women that you can get to know on your own pace, and women who are up on the Internet of all places saying “Hey, hello, I’m available, any takers!?!” Think about those 20 minutes (or more!) in the bar or party talking to a woman you met. Sure, maybe you’ll get some digits out of the deal, and then it’ll be up to you whether or not to use them. You’ve already put some time into it. The beauty of online dating, after you’ve gotten rolling, is its low investment. It only takes a few minutes every day to check out the listings, and maybe fire off an email or two. That’s it! Even if you swap some emails and maybe a phone conversation with a woman, you haven’t put much into it. Rather than putting all of your money on 17 red, you’re spreading it around a bit, hedging your bets. Fortunately in this game the house isn’t a guaranteed winner. If you play smart, the winner will be you. How Online Dating can Revolutionize Your Dating Life Most guys wouldn’t mind having a little boost to their dating prospects. Some guys need a little more help. Don’t feel bad – we’ve all been there. Maybe you’ve just gone through a divorce or a very long relationship. Like many people, the prospect of entering the dating scene can be daunting. If you’ve been out of dating for a while, it’s easy to think all the rules have changed and you’ll have no chance whatsoever. Fortunately this is not the case, but online dating gives you a safe, controlled process for getting your feet wet. This is especially true if you’re not a big fan of the bar scene, whether it’s not your favorite or just plain not your age group. Maybe you’ve just moved to a new city. You’ve met some people at work but they’ve got their own lives. How do you get some romance into your new hometown? Online dating gives you a great way to do this, and you really can’t beat the “I’m new in town” shtick. Maybe you’re just tired of dating people that you were introduced to through friends. Getting hooked up by friends is great, unless it doesn’t work out. It’s nice to be able to keep your dating failures private, rather than having to rehash them with other friends, or have to worry about running into an ex at parties on a regular basis. It's awkward for you, it's awkward for the woman, and it's awkward for your friends. In each of these cases, online dating gives you a much easier and more reliable way of meeting women. My trial and error. Your key to success.
Many of you guys out there are probably a lot like me. At the time I write this, I’m 30 years old living in the Pacific Northwest, which is a great place to live, but it’s long, gray winters and mild temperatures don’t encourage people to get out and mingle. Mix that with the abundance of young, well paid professionals busy with their own lives and it can be pretty tough to get something rolling. And I’ll admit it: I’ve never been very good at meeting women in bars. Sure, it’s happened a few times but even a broken clock is right twice a day. I’m a barely-above averagelooking guy (and that’s about it!), I take good care of myself, and I don’t have trouble talking to women. But I’ve never had that extra “it” that gets me anywhere in the noisy, smoky, preconception-charged bar atmosphere. So if I wanted to get anywhere, I’ve had to go elsewhere; to fish off another pier so to speak. As more and more of my friends have moved away or gotten married, it has gotten more and more difficult to use networking (not the computer kind, Poindexter) to meet new women. And there is nothing worse than going through months without anything brewing. Not good for that male ego that we need to keep happy. So one night, back in 1997 or so, I got onto some website that had online personals and I wrote to some of the women I found. What did I say? I said something really smooth like “Hey, you seem cool. I’d like to talk to you, give me a call at 206-555-1212. I’ll be home tonight”. Shockingly, I didn’t get much in the way of response. Amazing, huh? Over the next few years, I’d meet girls the normal ways, and when there was a lull, I’d go online to try to drum up some action, with still very limited success. I learned some lessons. But hit or miss was the best I could come up with. Another couple of years and relationships go by and I’m out there single again. But now some things had started to change. Online dating started gathering some buzz, and some of my female friends started going online too. They would ask me for advice and we’d compare our experiences. By talking to them, the true nature of online dating hit me like a ton of bricks. I started to figure out what I’d been doing wrong, why it had been so difficult, and finally what the key to unlock the whole system was. Once I made this discovery and worked it into a strategy, everything changed. As if a switch has been flipped, I was getting in contact with the girls I wanted to talk to, and was meeting them for dates before long. And once I got to meet them, I knew my chances were good. I just had to get those responses that I could convert into dates. And many of those dates turned into friendships, relationships, or at the very least, good stories. Now when I hear people talk about online dating I just smile. They see so much potential, but struggle to get much out of it besides frustration. What I’m going to teach you here is the secret to making it work for you. It’s not magic, it’s not made-up. It is a tried and true, battle-tested formula from experiences in the trenches. “Field research”, if you will. And what comes along that is the real magic: more confidence. With these skills I know that no matter what happens, I can always get rolling again, and have a great time doing it. And you can too. What to expect First, let me set some expectations here. This guide is not going to show you how to get women that are way out of your league. This is not a guide about how to trick anyone or misrepresent who and what you are. My goal here is to get you opportunities, and then I’ll leave it up to you to work your magic. What I will say however, is that you might be surprised what you can do when the pressure of a bar scene is not pounding down on you. You’re very likely going to be able to get dates with women that wouldn’t give you a second look at the corner bar. The key for you here is smart self-marketing. Doing a competent job of selling yourself is not lying; it’s just some good PR. I’ll help you put some of that together, and you’ll be surprised what can come of it. Follow the steps below and you’ll get responses and from those responses you’ll get dates. The rest is up to you. The woman’s perspective is the key! As I said above, the key for me was listening to the experiences of women online. Without them, my experiences and those of my buddies who had tried online dating were almost useless. They were only one part of the picture. I am fortunate enough to have a lot of women that I’m friends with and many of them have given me a view of online dating from their angle. When these women told me about these experiences, I noticed a very similar pattern occurring over and over again. My “Panel of Experts” experience pretty much goes like this:
1. The women usually aren’t happy with the normal ways of meeting guys, or are having bad luck in doing so. Maybe they just broke up with someone and want to move on to something new. Maybe they are new in town. Maybe they’ve just been focusing on areas other than dating. 2. They post a profile online. Usually their profiles start with things like “I can’t believe I’m doing this” or “I thought I’d give this a try”. They write up a list of things they like and usually try to share something unique about themselves as well. 3. The profile shows up online within a day or so (profiles tend to process much faster than photos). They get some random responses, which they dutifully respond to, even if they aren’t interested, out of courtesy. 4. A few days later, their picture is processed and is posted online with their profile. 5. Assuming they don’t look like Ron Jeremy, as soon as the picture shows up online, they start getting tons of responses from every type of guy imaginable. Many of these responses are “hi, I’m a 48-year-old, fat, bald, married guy looking for a ‘discreet’ encounter. Would you like to send me some nude pictures of yourself?” Or they get shotgun-style form-letter responses like “Hi, I liked your profile. Write me back.” Or they are long-winded desperate responses “I think you are so beautiful and I would like to take you to the movies and then we could fall in love and then you could have 4 children of mine, and I’ll always bring you flowers.” Get the idea? It’s a little overwhelming, to say the least. 6. About a week later, as they struggle to keep up, they start bulk-deleting responses. Yep, even yours. Yeah, you know, that one you worked so hard on writing? 7. About a week after that, irritated that their email is overflowing and they aren’t finding guys they like, they pull their profile down and tell their friends not to bother with online dating. On average, a woman’s “shelf life” online is between 2 and 4 weeks. After that, she’s done with it. Now, my friend, regardless how smooth you are, that is a pretty difficult situation to overcome. Sounds pretty dismal, doesn’t it? But hold on here, we’re smarter than we look. We’ve beaten Halo™ and Halo™ 2. We’ve memorized baseball statistics. We know every line to Top Gun and Caddyshack. We always double down on 11. Let’s put our analysis hats on and see if we can figure out what the problems really are and how to beat this game. You’ll soon see that there are actually several problems blocking us, layered on top of each other like an onion. As we peel each back and solve each layered problem; you’ll start to see the opportunity underneath. If you read closely, you can find that the women’s experiences chronicled above have actually given us all of the information that we need to be successful in online dating. We just need read between the lines and listen. I’m not talking about the wrinkle-your-forehead-and-nod-like-you’relistening-butyou’rereally-thinking-about-boobs thing we’ve all mastered, but actual paying attention listening. You can do it. Stop rolling your eyes. It won’t hurt, I promise. Problem number one: The Internet is a sausage party Your friend calls you and invites you to a party. He says “Dude, you should come to this party. There’s going to be a bunch of chicks there.” Of course that is always a good plan for a Friday night, so you put on your coolest dirtywash jeans, Diesel shoes, and that new shirt you just paid $75 bucks for. You grab a six-pack on the way there and walk in at about 10 when the party is sure to be rolling. You walk in and are surprised to see only a bunch of other guys, standing around holding keg cups. You have just joined what we around here call a “sausage party”. What the host neglected to tell you was that he called 20 other guys and told them the same thing as he told you, and the 2 girls he invited actually said they “had another party to go to but might come by.” We all know what that means, right? Now, apply this situation to the Internet. Online, you have way more men trying online dating than women. A lot more. Women call it The Ratio. So what happens when you’ve got a ton of men and relatively few women? A feeding frenzy, that’s what. Men have such slim pickings that they email every profile they can get their hands on. Women just get overwhelmed by receiving hundreds of
contacts by men who are just not in their league, or even sport for that matter. Maybe this ratio will improve as more and more women get online but for now that’s just how it is. The secret is that we’re going to use this high male to female ratio to our favor. Really, we are! What we’re going to learn is how to differentiate ourselves from the rest of the pack. We have to be able to do this or we’re not going to get anywhere. We are going to do something different to not only catch their eye, but more importantly avoid scaring them off. We may not be able to stand out with our stunning good looks or sky-high salaries, but we will be able to stand out with how well we play. Problem number two: Women don't email guys I’m not saying this to be sexist, but women are not big fans of making the first move, it’s just a fact. Many of us wish this wasn’t true, but it’s reality. Obviously this doesn’t apply to every woman, there’s always the exception to the rule, but from my experience a first move from a woman is about as rare as Haley’s Comet. Just go to a bar some night and watch what happens. Count the number of women you see approaching men having a drink with his buddies. Or go out and give your phone number to a few women and see how many actually call you. I bet it’s not very many, because most would prefer that you call them. I know women who do this even when they like the guy. I can’t figure it out. The same thing applies to online dating, women are more inclined to sit back and let the men come to them. Even with a non-personal thing such as writing an email, women are still worried about what a guy will think if they make the first move. But that’s just fine; if we accept it we can use it to our advantage because online they will be picking from the guys that email them, and when it comes right down to it, from the guys that email them early. Sensing a trend here Einstein? Problem number three: Anyone can send a woman an email This is related to problem number one, but has special attributes worth calling out. Imagine you’re sitting in a bar, on a bus, or are in line at the super market. Now imagine you look like a serial killer. Or you’re the living-version of the comic book guy from The Simpsons™. Now honestly, are you going to walk over and start chatting up Cameron Diaz sitting over there with her friends at the end of the bar? No, probably not. If that sort of thing happened regularly, women would stop going to bars. They don’t want to deal with that kind of thing. The wonderful Internet removes those barriers. That may sound good to you, but if you’re unrealistic about what your attributes really are, you are not doing anybody any favors. You’re just subjecting yourself to rejection and you’re ruining it for the rest of us. Understand, I’m not saying you shouldn’t stretch a bit, but you need to be realistic so that you can target your energy where it’s likely to pay off. A personal example here might help. The last time I was up on an online dating site, I got an email from a woman who’s picture made Rosanne Barr look like a prom queen. Her message said something like “send me an email if you’re ready for a REAL woman.” At that point, I decided that I would have to stick to the FAKE ones then, thank you very much. The point is that I want you to take a few minutes to think about getting an email like that. Spend some time with it, and then go take a shot of bourbon to get it out of your head. But when you’re thinking of writing an email to a girl that’s way out of your league, consider that it may be your email she forwards to her friends and says “OMG, can you believe this!!!” This actually happens -- women I know regularly forward me the worst-of-the-worst that they get. I get a kick out of it, but I want to make sure you never write an email that ends up forwarded around. You deserve better than that. Sure, some of you may be saying “Wait a second! I’ve got nothing to lose – why not?” And to you I say go ahead; see what it gets you. You’re just wasting time that could be spent on more promising options.
Problem number four: Guy’s profiles make them look like jackasses Let me say right now that when I first tried online dating, mine sure did. And most of the other ones I see now do too. Many of the women’s profiles are not much better but they are the ones that are really calling the shots so they can get away with it. In general, the profiles men post are pathetic. Horrible to the point of being comedy. If you don’t believe me, just read on and I’ll prove it to you in the upcoming chapter about The Competition. The first time I looked at other guys profiles to see what I was up against, it was so bad that I thought to myself, “yikes, do I even want to associate myself with this end of the genepool?” Reading the profiles, it wasn’t even clear who these guys were trying to impress. I couldn’t tell if they were trying to actually attract girls or just write as much garbage about themselves as they could just to see it posted on the Internet. The profiles were pointless, poorly written, and not flattering. As with the other problems we’ve identified, there is a major opportunity here. As we learn what women are looking for in profiles, we can use this to our advantage by crafting profiles that stand out and make women want to know more about you. Which is what a profile is for, right? Right? Some people feel the need to write a small biography. An online dating profile for the world to see is not really the right place for that. There is a time and place for everything, but not through a profile. The profile is the résumé that gets you an interview, or in this case a date. In the job market, without a good résumé, you won’t get far. Same goes in the dating world. You’ve got to sell yourself while revealing just enough to pique the interest, and stop there. But just compared to most, the biography-profiles are the better ones, relatively speaking at least The rest are guys bragging about how great he is or how much he works out, or ramblings about how great camping, sunsets, and snuggling are. It’s fine to be into any of that stuff, but it’s not going to make you stand out from the crowd if that is the main content of your profile. Looking at the group, it is pretty tough to find the difference form one guy’s profile to the next. They are all just about the same. And that’s not good for us guys who are trying to get some dates out of the deal. Because then you’re paying 20 bucks a month so that you can be up for the same random (small) chance of success as the rest of those guys. Fortunately, this problem is an easy one to fix. Problem number five: Guys are often jackasses They are just like you and me, which is two strikes against them. Hey, no offense to you blokes, but most of us are really clueless. For example, say you write a woman and she is nice enough to email you back, with something simple like: “Thanks for your reply. Your profile seemed interesting, tell me more about yourself.” Yes, yes, we are definitely on the right track here. Obviously she wants to know your entire life story, especially the part about how your last three girlfriends have dumped you, and you haven’t gotten any action in 7 months and that’s the main reason you’re sniffing about online. Yep, this is the perfect time to lay it all on the line. Oh, don’t forget to mention how many kids you want to have and how much trouble you have getting your bills paid on time and how awesome you thought it was on last week’s Mud Wrestling Babes Pay-Per-View when the red haired girl with the huge chest took two hands full of…errr…wait a second. Actually now that I think about it, she doesn’t want to hear any of that. She won’t bother to reply, and you’ve managed to freak a woman out without even meeting her. Great work! But unfortunately that is usually how it goes. Not only do women get a boatload of responses, most of them are from guys who are pushy at best, if not just plain creepy. Guys that want them to send naked pictures, or tell them their fantasies, or meet them for a romantic weekend after one email, or whatever. If you play your cards right, you might get to some of this stuff, but it’s not going to happen over a few emails. These poor girls are getting a bunch of responses, half of which make them consider getting a pre-approved restraining order made up just in case. It’s no wonder they don’t stick it out for long. Fortunately for us, we can beat the odds on this one, too.
We can overcome ! Alright, it’s time to get down to business. It’s time to roll up your sleeves, crack open a cold one, and get to work beating the system. The solution is really so simple you may have figured some of it out now that we’ve laid out the challenges we are facing. A lot of you, armed with the knowledge of these challenges could go out there and find some success entirely on your own. But my goal is to save you the trial and error, the frustration, the wasted time, and therefore the missed opportunities. This guide is going to turn you into talent scouts, online dating Special Forces, and smooth operators all rolled into one. It will be kind of like being in the CIA, but without all the applications, background checks, and lie detector tests. But wait there’s more. When you are successful, there is something in it for the rest of us, too. The more guys avoid the problems listed in the previous chapter, the more women will have a good experience online (at least no worse than other sorts of dating), and they will encourage more of their friends to try it, and there will be a little more to choose from for the rest of us. That’s not so bad, is it? Sizing up the competition Okay, so I’ve been kind of tough on the guys who are already online. I admit it. But there’s one very important reason for that: I don’t want you to be like them. The first step towards winning at anything is that you need to know what your competition is up to. Who are you going up against? Answering this question will be our first step towards success. Why do I hold most guys’ profiles in such low esteem? Because they put the most ridiculous stuff I have ever seen up there. To be clear, I’m really picking on their profiles – I’m sure I’d love to have a beer with most of these poor fellas. But I’m going to be extra tough on them to make my point. It’s worth saying that I read a lot of these profiles and just feel bad. They look like solid guys but my suspicion is that they will get nowhere in online dating, and ruin it for the rest of us in the process. Some of them even look like guys I might set up with women that I know, but their profile isn’t going to get them very far. All they need is this book! Alright, let’s take a look at some examples. For those of you playing along at home, sit down at your computer, log into your favorite online-dating site, and try to put yourself into a woman’s shoes for a second. Imagine what the woman you would like to date is looking for in a guy. Create a search that would come up with you and guys like you. Don’t make a search too specific to start out with, just make a search that is going to get guys that a woman will have to disqualify in order to pick you. My search parameters for this would be something like: Sex: Male Age: 27-35 Town: Seattle So I hit search and get 34 pages of results. That is a lot of dudes. But the very first result already demonstrates some things not to do. For discussion’s sake, let’s group the really bad profiles into some general groupings. Guy Profile Group 1: The Look-How-Great-I-Am’s The first profile I see is of a 35 year-old guy, with two pictures of him with his shirt off and he’s flexing. He’s done some work there and is in great shape, so I guess it could be worse. Believe it or not, this is not what women are looking for. Sure, it’s fine to mention that you work out as part of your daily routine but starting out with these types of pictures isn’t likely to get very far. In asking the Panel of Experts about this, they unanimously said that it doesn’t come across well – if you’ve got a great body, they’d rather see a hint of it with your shirt on and then have to put in some time and effort of their own to see the rest. To a woman, you’re more likely to spark interest with a hint than with the whole story. Let’s just say the flex shots are not a good idea. The other thing that these types do is work a little too hard at praising themselves. Later on we’ll work on how to work this into a better form but here are some choice examples: “I am naturally athletic. “ Well at least you’re not unnaturally athletic. That would be weird. “I am known as a fun-loving and very interesting man”
One could say the same of Michael Jackson. “...girls tell me that I'm attractive and that I look famous like a moviestar” Dude, I see your picture and recommend you find out why these women don’t feel they can tell you the truth. “I am from Chicago IL (USA).” Thanks for clarifying. I thought you meant the other Chicago. Which women from what places that don’t know where Chicago is are you trying to date? “I'm fairly cerebral…am starting to think I need to dumb myself down.” This one speaks for itself, really. The rest of the profile this quote is from is a piece of work; I wish I could just put the whole thing in here. The whole thing is so awful, I’m considering sending this guy a complimentary copy when this book goes to print! The point here is that if it’s this easy for us to poke fun at this stuff, women will think so too. And women don’t respond to guys that they’re busy making fun of. On the other hand, poking a little fun at yourself is a good strategy. Some other random things in this category to notice (and avoid!): • Listing your salary. This is really not a good idea. If a woman is using that as one of her criteria, you’re probably better off without her. And if she really cares, she’ll probably figure it out within 60 seconds of getting a look at your hair, watch, and shoes. And whatever you do, do not lie and say you’re in the $100,000+ bracket if your making minimum wage at Foot Locker. This will come back to bite you quicker and faster than you can ever imagine. • The shirtless pictures. I can’t stress this enough. It’s just a bad idea, period. I don’t care if you’re built like a Greek God. Don’t do it. • Too many pictures of just you. Just enough pictures so a girl gets an idea what you look like is good. Many more and she’ll start to wonder why you have so many pictures of yourself. • Too many pictures not of you. Okay, one picture of your dog is cool. But three or four is weird. Guy Profile Group 2: I’m So Outdoorsy and Sensitive We’re all guys here. We like guy stuff. And guys stuff usually means things like sports, camping, and fishing. There are more than a few women out there that like some of that stuff too, but if you were to go only by what you read in profiles, you’d think that is all these guys do. Many of the profiles go on and on listing every outdoor activity imaginable: camping, skiing, snowboarding, boating, golfing, tennis, etc. You name it. Realize that your profile will not work as a net with which to catch every possible woman that might come wandering by. It’s a hook that you’re crafting to catch the eye of a particular type of women who gets interested enough to want to learn more. Listing too many attributes will leave you looking unoriginal and boring, which I imagine is the opposite of what these chaps are trying to show by listing them! The other thing you’ll see entirely too much of are lines like: “I have been hurt, fragile and burned by the flame.” Every woman I know is constantly saying “gee…I need a fragile guy”, so this guy is set. “I have to run really quick shower up...I just finished working out and playing basketball.” Very impressive. Now it’s fine to show a bit of a soft side, but if you think girls are going out searching for a guy that wants to cuddle, they aren’t looking for it in the profile. They know plenty well that most guys are pretty interested in this type of thing, being obvious about it doesn’t help. Make the women feel like they have earned those types of details, and you’ll get a lot farther. So just keep it simple. Drop a hint maybe or list a few things that you’d like to do. Mention you’d like to do a marathon, or a triathlon, or visit Madagascar. But leave it at that, and then let them ask you for more info. Guy Profile Group 3: I cann’t speel In looking at profiles you may also notice a regular occurrence of spelling errors. This is not good. Women notice and care about this sort of thing more than you can ever imagine. You should put at least as much effort into your profile as you would a cover letter for a résumé. Can’t these guys use a spell checker? “Independece is a real turn on!!” So are 4th grade spelling skills. Whatever ‘independence’ is, I’ll have to get me some. “I'm new to the area and would liiek to meet some cool people to date a nd possiablly get serious
with!” Three spelling errors in one sentence. How could I ever compare? “I'll MUCH more than this!” It’s called proofreading man, look into it. “I have this unique ability to be comfortable in any type of surounndings” That is unique; most people like to be comfortable in any type of surroundings. Maybe you should get that checked out? “I am very adament towards outdoor activities” I have no idea what that means, even without the spelling problem. But I like this one because it captures all three of the categories we’ve talked about so far. When reading through these profiles, I am sure that these guys are perfectly capable of spelling. Instead they are just being sloppy and careless. An extra two minutes effort on this sort of thing could easily be the difference in getting a reply from the one you really want and not getting one! A hint here: write your profile in a word processor so you can catch the spelling errors and grammar problems, then copy and paste it into the website. This is also a good idea because every so often the website might eat your profile. When you’re submitting it (it’s happened to me). Use a word-processor and this will never happen to you. Guy Profile Group 4: The Bitter Guy Take a look at this beauty: “I will say that I don't have issues…If you are some reformed bar hooch who has now decided to date someone normal, I will not be your test case.” That one speaks for itself. It goes without saying how it’s unlikely a woman would read this and say to herself “wow, I’d like to write this guy back but I’m a reformed bar hooch and he doesn’t want one of those, so I guess I’m disqualified.” “…but don’t be a nag like mom.” Insulting your own mother is generally not the best way to get a woman interested in you. “Manipulation is a big turnoff for me.” Depends on the type of manipulation, I suppose. You get the idea here. For a first impression, the last thing a woman wants is to hear you bitch and complain. Certainly there are ways you can say some of this stuff but you’ve got to be extra careful how you say it. Remember, your goal is to get women to respond to your emails. That way it’s you that’s doing the selecting instead of waiting around for them to notice you. Guy Profile Group 5: The Novelist You may notice that some of these profiles are really long. A few months ago, I was talking to a woman I work with, and asked her if she had read a long and complicated email that had gone out to our department earlier in the day. She replied: “Nope. If it has a scroll bar, I don’t really read it.” She wants it short and sweet. Make your points, and make sure they don’t get lost! Some of these guy’s profiles ramble on forever. They list every sport they’ve ever done, every country they’ve ever visited, and their top 15 favorite bands as well. Their goal is to try to find something in common that will spark a woman’s interest by casting the net as wide as possible. But if they bury it in there with a thousand other random things, she’ll probably miss it anyway. Or if she does find it, that one thing in common will definitely not outweigh the other hundred things you don’t have in common. Remember, she has to look through a lot of these profiles. We don’t want her getting bored and moving on the next guy’s. So the rule of thumb is that your profile should be 2 or 3 normal sized paragraphs at most. It should fit on one screen. In any kind of sales, there is a saying that goes “leave them wanting more”. That’s the goal here; just enough to pique the interest but not so much as to get boring. Finding your type of girl Now we’ve learned what our competition is up to, and we’ve learned about some common pitfalls to avoid. It’s time to starting having some fun: time to check out the ladies. Just like last time we searched, we start with the basic search. In my case it’s something like:
Man searching for Woman Age: 25 to 32 Location: 25 miles of Seattle This search will probably come up with a large number of results. One thing to keep in mind here: however many women come up from this search is a fraction of the men that would come up if a girl was searching for a guy like you. If you’re still wondering why online dating is harder than it sounds, this should answer your question. Take some time and go through some of these and get a feel for what kinds of women are online. If you see lots of women that look interesting, that’s definitely a good sign. Jot down their user names so you can find them later once we’re ready to really get to work. For now, we’re just browsing. If, on the other hand, the selection is not to your liking, don’t get discouraged. Soon we will learn how to really mine for the diamonds in the rough. Also remember that new women appear online every day, so the worst case here is that we’ll have to be a bit patient. And finally, remember that sometimes these profiles are not always as they seem. Remember how bad so many of the guy’s profiles were? And remember how we suspected that there are some pretty solid guys under there that are blowing the delivery? Of course, the same goes for women, so it is important to look a little deeper when you think there might be something there, and to be a bit skeptical when it looks a little too good to be true. Take some time and go through some women’s profiles, but not answering any of them yet. Right now, keep track of your reactions to profiles. What things do you like and which things turn you off right away? Are there certain things that jump out at you? These things may be specifics around what you are looking for, and may have to do with religion, ethnicity, body type, etc. The profile gives you a set of basic facts about a woman, but equally important is getting a feel for the kinds of things women write in their profiles and what they mean. Many are just as unoriginal as the guy’s profiles, but some of really let some personality show through. As you read the profile, try to imagine the woman who wrote it and what she’s really getting at. Read between the lines. Make some guesses about what kind of person she is, and what she’s really looking for, what kinds of things she likes doing. The better you are at making these guesses, the more successful you will be online. Another thing you many notice is that every so often a picture will not match up with the accompanied description, especially regarding body type. Of course men do this too, but some of these women just do not have the most realistic view of themselves. And maybe some are unsure what they’re comparing themselves to. When it comes to expressing body-type, most dating websites have a few basic categories: slim or slender, fit, athletic, average, slightly overweight, etc. If it was a perfect world, everyone would need to go get their pictures and profiles audited by a panel of judges before they could post it, but it doesn’t work that way. So they ask their friends which category they should list themselves as. What do you think their friends say? A spot check shows that about 60% of women post pictures online. The ones that don’t post pictures do so for a variety of reasons from privacy concerns to general shyness. Women who don’t post pictures get a lot less attention, for obvious reasons. Without a picture it’s a little harder to know what you’re getting, but you’re also facing less competition. From my experience, here are some guidelines about body-type categories: • Slim or slender: since this one is on one extreme, it’s fairly reliable. Women that list themselves as slender are usually pretty close to it. • Fit: this one has some variability to it, but generally people have a certain picture in their head when they say “fit”, so you’re likely to get someone in decent shape. • Athletic: this one is the real problem. Is Gabrielle Reese “athletic”? You bet she is. Is the Gold Medal winner of the Athens Olympics Shot Put competition “athletic”? Yeah, I’d say she is, but in a totally different way. Women gymnasts are definitely “athletic”, and so are softball players but they don’t always look the same. Get the picture? Athletic really doesn’t mean much about body type, so it’s used very broadly. Beware of this one. Make sure you get a full-body picture before you meet. A good friend of mine spent some time emailing online and talking on the phone with a woman who categorized herself as “athletic”. We’ll call her “Nikki”. He only had seen a picture of her face and on the phone she’d talked a lot about how active she was. When
he finally went to meet her, he was to pick her up at her house. He knocked on the door, she opened it, and he got “Hi…is Nikki here?” half way out of his mouth before realizing it was her. She may have been athletic, but it was in a Sumo-wrestler-kind-of way. But, of course, this can go either way since there are likely to be women of all types under this category. Buyer beware. • Average: shares many of the characteristics of “athletic”. The term itself is far too loose to mean much. What’s average really? Under “average”, you find women who are being too hard on yardstick for average than you are. You’ll want to get a full-body picture for these ones too. • Slightly overweight, overweight, etc.: If you’re searching in this category, you’re at the opposite end of the spectrum from “slender”, and you will also find it reliable. Women rarely miscategorize themselves into this one, but you may find one or two whose definition doesn’t match yours and/or are comparing themselves to Ally McBeal. And if that is the case, this type of girl is either a great opportunity or trouble you don’t need. I’ll leave it up to you to figure that part out. • There are some others like “curvy”, or “other”. Unless these are very specific, it’s hard to say how accurate they are. If you follow the principles of the categories above, you should be able to decode them without much trouble. Building a profile Now that we know what kind of men we’re up against and what type of women are out there, it’s time to get to work and build ourselves a profile. We know what we don’t want it to look like, and we know what kind of woman we’re targeting it at. Keep it simple. No deep details about anything, just a few hints. • Pick a normal screen name. Be careful of trying something too clever that may be misinterpreted. • Humor works, guaranteed. If you can get a woman to laugh out loud when reading your profile, you’re probably good to go. If nothing else, she’ll appreciate the change of pace. • Don’t take it too seriously. If you’re trying too hard to come off as something you’re not, it will show. Have some fun with it instead. Your profile is not an opportunity for you to complain about how ugly most of the girls in your town are or how you tend to meet high-maintenance types. • Get your point across. If there are things that are really high-priority for you, say something about them in the profile. It’s fine to purposely disqualify some prospects if there is a specific criteria, but don’t go on and on about it or sound bitter, etc. For example, rather than say “no gold-diggers” (which will irritate even the non-gold-digging women), say something like “I’m looking for someone who values experience more than assets.” Sure, it sounds kind of goofy but it will work for you. Remember, your goal is to tempt them into replying to your email, that’s it! Posting Pictures I’ll mention it again: no shirt-off-flexing pictures. Period. This is not a good idea, no matter how bad-ass you think you look. If you’re in good shape, she will probably be able to tell without you showing it off. • No pictures where it’s hard to figure out who you are. It’s confusing. This includes Halloween pictures in which you don’t look like you normally do. Women care what you really look like, not what you can dress up as. Unless you’re actually a fireman or a Marine, but that’s different. They seem to dig that. Skip pictures with you and ten of your college buddies, last thing they need is to try and figure out which one is you. • No pictures with you hanging all over some girl, unless it’s your sister or something. And if it is you should mention it in your profile or doctor the photo with “My Sister” and an arrow pointing at her. If you’ve got a great picture of yourself and one of your ex’s, do as good a job as possible of cutting them out of it. • Don’t post more than 4 or 5 pictures of yourself. It’s kind of weird. Who has that many pictures of themselves? • Don’t post pictures that may leave the wrong impression, like pictures with kids when you don’t have any. Or pictures of you passed out at Mardi Gras. Or pictures of you at the Drag Queen championships. • Professional photos that you’ve had taken at work or for school usually aren’t a good idea.
Professional head shots are great for casting calls, not for online dating. • Update or rotate your pictures every so often, particularly your main picture that shows up in searches. Unsolicited emails aren’t our bread-and-butter here, but we’ll take what we can get. Prepare for contact We’ve done our preparation work here and we’re ready for the real deal. If you’ve read this far and followed the steps above you are already miles ahead of your competition. Now it’s time to put our mettle to the test. Pretty soon we’re going to initiate contact. This is what we’ve trained for. Before we make contact, one thing is worth mentioning. Many online sites offer “lighter-weight” methods of contact: “winks”, video messages, audio messages, or instant messaging. My advice to you is to stay away from these. In the case of winks, most women see them as an instance where you didn’t have the guts to write a real email. You’re punting the ball to her and hoping she punts it back. Suck it up and just write her an email for crying out loud! The “live” message formats like video or audio messages are difficult because you can’t “craft” them like an email and they’re a bit awkward for everyone. Mostly, she can’t view or hear them without speakers or when she is not in a private environment. Remember, not everyone has a computer or Internet connection from home; she may be checking email at work, at a library, or at an Internet cafe. The last thing we want to do is make it difficult for women to respond to our emails. And the instant messaging features are generally irritating for women, to the point that most turn them off (if they can figure out how). If they’re on line, they are there to browse or reply, not be bombarded with messages from random guys. What we’re looking to do is to lead off with a nice, solid email introduction that shows us as confident, easy-going, and intriguing enough to earn a reply. Believe it or not, this is the hardest part of the whole process, not only in terms of difficulty but in terms of odds. After we hit send, we don’t have control over what happens. But once you’ve gotten a reply, you have regained some control of the situation and stand a good chance of getting to the real payoff: a face-to-face meeting. Recognizing your best chances We now know our main goal is to get a response to an email that we initiate. That’s it! Once we have gotten that far, we are way ahead of 99% of the other guys out there. Everything you’ve read up until this point is leading up to these next few sections so pay close attention. This is the payoff for our hard work. Of course, we can spread our net far and wide and try to get responses purely on random chance. But it’s not going to work as well as picking our opportunities and making the most of them. So in order to get responses we have to pick the right profiles. If you start shot-gunning form-letter responses all over the place, women will see right through you. Our Panel of Experts let us figure out that women tend to have a short online “shelf life” of a few weeks or so. That’s an important clue to this system. We need to present ourselves in a way that makes it as attractive as possible for her to reply to our email instead of other ones. She’s more likely to respond to the interesting, humorous, unique profile we’ve put together rather than the standard ho-hum profiles everyone else puts up. Let’s put these ideas into some guidelines about how to evaluate women’s profiles for the best opportunities. Newer is better. Some websites put “NEW” next to profiles for the first week or so they are up. Some actually tell you when a profile was first posted and some allow you to sort on which profiles are newest. These new profiles will always be our primary focus. • Activity is important. Most websites tell you the last time someone was online or “active”, which usually means checking, sending, or replying to responses from the service. If a woman’s profile says she hasn’t been online in a week or more, your chances of getting a reply are lessened. This usually means she’s either ignoring or bulk-deleting responses. Look for profiles that have been active within the last few days. • Look for a good attitude. Just like we made sure we didn’t sound bitter or pissed off in our profiles, we should look for the same in theirs. You know what your own red-flags are when it comes to the ladies, keep an eye out for them. Try to read between the lines of the profile as much as possible. What type of person do you imagine reading her words? Does it sound like
someone you’d like to meet? Pay close attention to how she describes herself, her life, etc. • Watch for fake ads. Ads that look too good to be true usually are. Every so often, ads get posted that are designed to trick you into going to some private chat site or something like that. But they’re usually easy to spot. The pictures are usually of very attractive women. The fill-in-the blank sections are usually very general or left blank altogether. And usually they don’t quite add up – something they say in their description almost always contradicts something in the other information. They’ll say how much they love California, but list themselves as living in New York or something. If you do happen to send an email to one of these, you’ll get a response alright, and they tend to be very eager to meet and will always manage to drop some innuendo in the process. Once you figure this out, my advice is to drop them like a bad habit. Realize you’re probably emailing with an overweight guy named Gilbert who cobbled together some XRated pictures into a website and is trying to get you to pay to look at them. And he’s probably emailing you in just his boxers, with piles of pizza boxes around. This is obviously not who we want to be spending our time on. • Look closely at any pictures that are posted. Do the pictures match the profile? If not, you may have someone who isn’t being up front about their appearance. Also look for things in the background, or places you recognize. This makes for great response or conversation topics. Look for things like rings on left-ring-fingers as well, that’s usually not a good sign. • Don’t overlook profiles without pictures. They can be valuable as well. We will see why in the next section. • After applying all those filters to the ads you’ve seen, it’s time to send some introductions. But there’s one more thing that can really help us have an edge on the competition, and it’s worth its own section. The Winning Strategy No One Else is Using We know why it’s important to get your email in before all the other guys do. And we know why it’s important to have a good profile for her to look at when she gets your email and wants to know a bit more about you. And we know that it’s sometimes hard for her to fight through the flood of responses she gets when she posts a picture of her lovely face online. You’re a gambling man, aren’t you? I think you’re the type that’s willing to roll the dice a bit. This may sound odd given how I’ve gone on and on about picking opportunities and not flinging responses all over the place. But there lays a Sweet Spot in here that is our real edge, the “key” that I spoke of above. When this idea hit me, I can only describe it as an epiphany. An inspired moment. And it is more effective than I could have imagined. So here’s the big idea. We want to get in early, right? And women’s text profiles get posted well before their picture gets cleared, right? What we’ll do is respond to them when the website shows them as new and a picture has yet to be posted. Most of the women I’ve successfully met online were women who got one of their first few responses from me, using exactly this method. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well it works. This will take some detective skills. What we are going to do is to look at brand-new profiles still without pictures. We’re going to read them and make the best guesses we can based on the text alone. We will craft some great introductory emails, and send them off, and see what comes back. If I had to put statistics behind this, I’d say that I get about three-to-five times as many responses using this method than emailing women who have been on the site for more than 2 weeks with a picture posted. Three-to-five times as many! Just think of it for a second. Not only are you getting in line before the rest of the knuckleheads out there, but you’re doing it when she’s got some excitement, some hope, and maybe a little nervousness about this whole process. And you, my friend, are going to help her be glad that she took the time to do it. But admittedly we’re gambling a bit here. Let’s face it: looks are important to all of us. Maybe some more than others, but it matters. And that’s the one thing that we have left to chance. But the better you are at decoding profiles, the more likely you are to pick the right ones up front
without the need of a picture. If not, nothing is really lost, just keep trying. But if your experience is anything like mine, you will find yourself some diamonds in the rough. When you do get a response here, assuming you have a picture posted (which you should), it is okay to ask her to email you one of herself. It’s only fair, right? If you get something you like, it’s important to get this conversation moving before the online service posts her picture for the world to see. By establishing a relationship and a rapport early, she’ll be judging you against all the other guys who come rushing at her. Since you’ve read this book, you’re already way ahead of the game. Relax, keep an easy conversation going, and she’ll realize how lucky she was to have met you first! Guidelines: • Responding to new profiles is your best way of getting responses back. • Most services will post profiles quickly but will take a few more days for pictures to post. This delay is your best opportunity to get conversations started, and get three times as many responses as replying to already posted profiles. If you're still reading, The first step to picking up chicks is making a profile at a website! We recommend you to join these site.
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