What type of compliment did

What Makes a Great Leader?

Rabbi Dovid Lichtig Managing Director, Aish UK

WHAT IS LEADERSHIP AND WHAT CONSTITUTES A GREAT LEADER? THESE ARE QUESTIONS THAT HAVE PUZZLED BUSINESS THINKERS AND ORGANISATIONAL LEADERS ALIKE FOR CENTURIES.

This week’s parsha portrays two leaders reacting to catastrophe and conflict in very different ways. These leaders also display vastly different leadership characteristics when dealing with a nation mired in crisis.

When Moshe Rabbeinu fails to descend from Har Sinai and Klal Yisrael demand an avodah zarah from his brother, Aharon bends to the will of the people. As the meforshim explain, Aharon literally feared for his life and in order not to exacerbate the conflict he tried to stall for time. However, as the story progresses and his delaying tactics are not successful, Aharon essentially agrees to the demands of the people and creates an avodah zarah. In his typical fashion as an ohev shalom, Aharon shies away from conflict and chooses the route of appeasement and peace.

Moshe Rabbeinu, on the other hand, reacts very differently. When he descends the mountain and is confronted by the scene of Klal Yisrael celebrating with the egel, he immediately smashes the luchos, burns the idol, grinds it down into a powder, mixes it with water and makes Klal Yisrael drink it. There is no diplomacy and no appeasement. In fact, there is no conversation at all. When faced with a nation committing one of the three cardinal sins, Moshe Rabbeinu reacts harshly and addresses the situation swiftly, with power and punishment. Moshe Rabbeinu and Aharon are consistent in their approaches. Moshe is described as an אלוקיםאיש – strong and principled, and Aharon is portrayed as an שלוםאיש ,a man of peace. While a simple reading of this week’s parsha might show Aharon as directly involved in making the egel and creating the problem while Moshe Rabbeinu provided the solution, Aharon was nevertheless not punished for his role in the egel. In parshas Chukas when Aharon dies, we are told אל־יבאלאכי אשר־עלישראללבנינתתיאשרהארץ מריבהלמיאת־פימריתם was Aharon. punished and not allowed to enter Eretz Yisrael strictly because of his role at Mei Merivah; his role in creating the egel is not even mentioned.

An even more telling aspect of his approach is depicted just a few pesukim later in pasuk 29. The Torah writes when Aharon died the entire house of Israel cried for him for thirty days. This can be contrasted to what happens after the death of Moshe. In Devarim 34:8 the Torah says that when Moshe Rabbeinu died the sons of Israel cried for him for thirty days. Only the Bnei Yisrael cried for him not the Beis Yisrael. This distinction between Bnei Yisrael and Beis Yisrael is very apparent, with the Avos DeRabbi Nosson saying that this shows that the feeling of loss at Aharon’s death was universal, felt by men, women and children alike; as opposed to the death of Moshe Rabbeinu, which was felt most by the Bnei Yisrael, and not necessarily the entire Beis Yisrael. Seemingly, Aharon in his role of Ish Shalom added something to the leadership of the Jewish people that Moshe did not, and when that piece was taken away, the lacking was felt more strongly than after the quintessential leader dies.

Aharon was clearly not a leader in the same way that Moshe was, but just as clearly, there was a need for multiple aspects of leadership. There are times when a leader with power and conviction is needed to stand up against a rebelling nation and smash the luchos and burn the idol. Then there are times when an Ish Shalom is needed to make and hold the peace. Real leadership must have elements of both, complementing each other. While it took a leader like Moshe Rabbeinu to solve the crisis of the egel, it may have been Aharon whose death had the biggest effect on the Jewish people. So, while leadership can take many forms, it is ultimately the fusion of different aspects, embodied by different people, that provides the augmented experience that people need in order to grow. M

”את מוצא שביום שעשו ישראל את העגל בו ביום ירד להם את המָן ונטלו ממנו והקריבו ממנו לפני העגל... והיה כזה יום מחר ולא פסק המָן הוי ”לך ה‘ הצדקה!!!“ )מדרש תנחומא )ורשא( פרשת כי תשא סימן יד( The Medrash teaches us that on the day that we made the eigel, the miraculous man fell from Heaven. It’s so hard to believe, but we took the man and sacrificed it to the eigel! But without Hashem sending us miracle food, we would die of hunger and so, the next day came – and guess what we got again? That’s right: man! ”...שהיו נוטלין מן המן ומקריבין לפני עבודת כוכבים... וחוזר ויורד )המן( ביום האחר! הוי לך ה‘ הצדקה!“ )שמות רבה )וילנא( פרשה מ“א בשם ר‘ יהודה ב“ר שלום( The Medrash teaches us that when Hashem broke the natural rules of the world to make sure that His children miraculously had sustenance while living in a desert for forty years, there were those who took the very help that Hashem miraculously bestowed upon them and used it to serve their worthless idols! Yet – Hashem did not put a stop to His generosity and He continued to supply them with their needs the very next day – even though He knew exactly what they would do with it!

Avi Fishoff Founder & Director, Home SWEEEET Home & TWiSTED PARENTiNG!

teach that the “bad” angels created from sin want to immediately attack the sinner. However, since Hashem wants to give a person the opportunity to repent, Hashem restrains them from immediately seeking out and destroying the sinner!

Not only did Hashem teach us that He will not distance Himself from us after we “steal” from Him through sin, on the contrary — the more we succumb to sin and slip away from Him — the more He utilizes unbelievable amounts of patience, mercy, compassion, and infinite unconditional love to keep us close to Him! And to top it all off – when there are “bills” to pay — He continues to pay them for us!

”כשיטיב ה‘ ברחמיו לאיש הגם שיחטא לא יפחות מטובו דבר ותהיה המידה שהיה בה קודם מתנהגת גם אחר שחטא!“ )אור החיים הקדוש שמות לד:ו( The Ohr Hachayim Hakadosh says: Even after a Yid rebelliously defies Hashem’s will, Hashem still does not hold back from bestowing any kindness upon him, and He relates to him in the same exact way as before! This page is sponsored by OGR Stock Denton | ogrstockdenton.com

Actually, we all get this incredible gift every day of our lives. We know that even after we sin against Hashem, using the life He gave us, the energy He gave us, the mind He gave us and the limbs that He gave us, the next day we still wake up with full access to all of those incredible gifts!

But it goes even further than that: ”הקב“ה ... נושא וסובל העון, וכמו שהוא זן העולם כולו — זן ומפרנס המשחית הזה!“ )תומר דבורה פרק א‘ ד“ה נושא עון( The sefer Tomer Devorah writes that when a person does a good deed, he creates a good angel and when a person does a bad deed, he creates a bad angel. The mystics

TO BE ADDED TO MY WHATSAPP BROADCAST GROUP AND RECEIVE LOTS OF CHIZUK & INSPIRATION & TIPS SIMPLY WHATSAPP A REQUEST TO: 718-902-6666 A reminder of the terms of the chat: Important message about Sharing: DO NOT use anything you learn from any general speech as practical guidance - especially in a case of crisis or Pikuach Nefesh which requires specific individual guidance and not just following general advice. Again: NEVER EVER USE GENERAL IDEAS FROM ANYONE TO DEAL WITH CRISIS SITUATIONS. I offer FREE individual guidance to parents of teens and young adults who are unfortunately not frum anymore, not in the Yeshivah system, and/or in a situation of pikuach nefesh. If you know someone who is dealing with the category of stage 4 crisis that I deal with, feel free to give them my contact information. Note: There is NO CHARGE for any of my guidance and services. You can find more information in my books: GPS: NAVIGATION for YOUR SOUL & CPR: RESCUCITATION for YOUR SOUL Available at all fine Jewish book stores, Artscroll.com and Amazon.

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The Rabbi and the Taxi Driver “Arik” Once, a student sat in the back seat of a taxi along with his Rosh Yeshivah, Rav Moshe Shmuel Shapiro, and they were discussing a topic of Gemara. They were conversing back and forth with spirit and energy, when suddenly, Rav Moshe Shmuel stopped him.

The Rosh Yeshivah had just noticed the identification card that was hanging near the driver’s seat, and he saw the taxi driver’s name. Rav Moshe Shmuel then said to his student, “Let us continue the conversation in Hebrew rather than in Yiddish, so that Arik, our driver in the front, can also enjoy and partake in the conversation.”

At the end of the ride, Arik said to Rav Moshe Shmuel, “When you switched languages and starting speaking in Hebrew, I still didn’t understand what you were talking about, but I got a message that was more important to me. I appreciated that you considered me to be a person too, and that I deserved to be recognized and shown respect. True, I didn’t know what you were saying, and I couldn’t contribute to the conversation, but you still made me feel like I was part of it, and for that I thank you!”

Reprinted from the Parshas Tetzaveh 5779 email of Torah U’Tefilah compiled by Rabbi Yehuda Winzelberg.

Rabbi Shraga Kallus Rosh Kollel, Kollel Hora’ah L’Rabanim as heard by Rabbi Avrohom Chaim Slansky Oneg Shabbos Issue 243.

The Bittersweet Tears of R’ Ahron Kotler ל"זצ

How did R’ Ahron Kotler know to go to America? A land that was barren and desolate. Was there any way to ensure that this was the right decision? R’ Ahron performed a Goral HaGra, and the פסוק that emerged made everything clear. אהרן אל' ה ויאמר" "המדברה משה לקראת לך – Hashem said to Ahron go to greet Moshe in the Midbar“. He was Ahron, and Moshe must be referring to R’ Moshe Feinstein who already had relocated to America. The answer was understood and R’ Ahron boarded the boat for the ‘Goldener Medinah’, and this was how Torah was brought to America.

Moshe took a drink of the water and it tasted dreadfully bitter, relates the Midrash. “Why would Hashem create such bitter water”? he thought. “Is there any purpose to this creation?” The Midrash explains that Hashem knows even thoughts in one’s heart, and this thought was no different. He said to Moshe, “Why do you say that there is no usage for this water? I made the water, and everything that I created is for a purpose. Learn how to transform the bitter waters into sweet water.” How is that possible? The water is not drinkable! “Learn how to Daven”, concludes Hashem, “cry out that the current situation is bitter, and please could it be made sweet!”

A grandson of R’ Ahron heard this story and called its validity into question. He inquired and was told in the name of R’ Shneur that it is not possible that R’ Ahron was unsure as to where to go, R’ Ahron only received a visa to America. Furthermore, at that time, R’ Ahron had no clue who R’ Moshe Feinstein was - the story did not happen.

At the worst moment in the history of Klal Yisroel, as theywere worshipping the eigel, Moshe utilized this lesson in tefillah. Hashem threatened to completely obliterate the Jewish people, but Moshe knew what he had to do. The Midrash concludes, Moshe realized this was a situation that was ‘bitter’, and he had the power to make it sweet. He said to Hakadosh Boruch Hu, “You are saying that Klal Yisroel is bitter, that the situation is terrible and who needs these people anymore! But You taught me differently: You taught me in Marah that when the situation is bitter, one can daven to make it sweet. So too now, heal Klal Yisroel from their bitter situation!”

Moshe Rabeinu was taught a tremendous lesson regarding tefillah, explains R’ Shimshon Pincus, a lesson that can be utilized by each and every person. Once Moshe understood that there was no chance, he did not merely daven to save Klal Yisroel, he asked for much more: the yud-gimmel middos, that the Shechinah should always dwell on Klal Yisroel, for a promise that Hashem will never forsake His people! Once one realises that the situation is bitter, disastrous and hopeless, he must turn to Hashem and ask not merely to survive, but for ‘sweet water’. Once the door is open – ask for everything!

But, the grandson returned with a different story that was heard from R’ Shneur Kotler zt’’l: “Throughout the entire boat ride from Europe to America, R’ Ahron was in tears. He was crying uncontrollably the entire duration of the trip. ‘It is such a bitter matzav in America, the situation there is terrible! There is no Torah in America!’ R’ Ahron could not control himself …” This is the way to daven and this is the power of tefilah. Once one realizes that he is stuck, that there is nowhere to go, then he must to turn to Hashem and go for the gold. Do not just daven to get out of the mud, but to soar above the clouds! One must realise that he is stuck and drowning in the bitter waters: I don’t daven well. I can’t sit still and learn for a few minutes. I look at things that Jewish eyes should not see. I am disrespectful. I speak words that should not come out of a Jewish mouth …

And, then, turn to Hakadosh Boruch Hu and sweeten the waters, not merely asking to stay afloat, but to allow the floodgates of blessing to flow forth: Hashem – let me have kavanah for the entire Tefilah, and let me want to daven. Hashem – give me the strength to prevail; not merely to have the strength to not look, but make those sights detestable. Hashem – don’t simply guard my tongue; make my words clean, holy and pure!

R’ Shneur concluded the story: “R’ Ahron did not merely cry and plead to survive and live. But, he cried out, ‘Please Hakadosh Boruch Hu, let me be zocheh to bring Torah to America. Let there be many people sitting and learning in Yeshivos, even more than in Europe!’” M

HELPING OTHERS I f a person wants to be happy, he should focus on what he can do for other people. We are here in this world to do chessed for other people. Once a parent was explaining to their child the concept of how we are here to help other people. The child innocently asked, “So what are the other people here for?”

It doesn’t matter what other people think that they are here for! We are here to do chessed to others. If a person understands that he has a mission to serve other people, then this will be the key to his own happiness. You can turn on another person by saying thank you and giving them an appreciation. Wow! You can make somebody else’s day.

Think of what it means if someone gave you the compliment that made your day. You can give a hundred compliments to people and make their day - and then they may spread that compliment to another hundred people and make their day. Can you imagine that? Rabbi Leibel Lam

The mishna in Avos teaches us, aizehu hamechubad, hamechabed es habriyos. Who is the honorable person? Somebody who honors other people. No matter how low a position a person seems to hold, let us thank them. We can thank the man who sweeps the street and tell him what a nice job he does. We can thank the man who holds open the door for us and the man who delivers your groceries. No matter how high a position a person holds, we can thank them too. We can write a letter to someone in appreciation of their help.

We say me’ah brachos daily, thanking Hakodosh Boruch Hu a hundred times for all the good that He bestows upon on us. Let us try to give out a hundred ‘thank you’s to other people too. It can be a big project. It will make a person happy immediately. Do you know how many people could get encouragement? Sometimes a person can wait their whole life to get one compliment.

Be happy by helping others. M

From Torah Anytime

516.668.3725 meaningfulminute.org @meaningfulminute

THE BEST ENDING POSSIBLE W hat kind of an ending to a story is there going to have to be in order that we are able to actually say to Hashem when Moshiach comes, “Ah, it makes so much sense! It makes perfect sense! It couldn’t have been any better! Thank you, Hashem! This was the best possible story”?

Not just that we’ll say, “Baruch Hashem, it is over. Baruch Hashem, we’re safe. Baruch Hashem, there’s relief.” We are going to say to Hashem, about every moment of personal pain and collective pain, of every horror that we have endured as individuals and as a nation, “Oh, it all makes sense and it’s such a good, true, just story.”

I don’t know if a human author can write an end to such a story, because after the build-up, I don’t know how to resolve it in such a way, that we are going to tell Hashem, “Thank you for all the pain.” However, we declare our emunah in this concept numerous times a day when we say “bayom hahu yiheyeh Hashem echad ushemo echad”; bayom hahu, on the day when Moshiach comes, Hashem echad, Hashem will be recognised as the only Force, ushemo echad, and we will recognise that everything has come as a direct result of His will: righteous, just and absolutely perfect. Rabbi Shais Taub

Rabbi Meir Orlian Halachah Writer, BHI

‘I PAID YOUR HALF!’

Reuven and Moshe ran a small food-vending business in their school. Part of the capital to start the business was a $1,000 loan from Moshe’s uncle, Dovid. Dovid met Reuven one afternoon. “You and Moshe still owe me $1,000,” he said. “You were supposed to repay two months ago.” “You’re right,” Reuven acknowledged. “It took some time till the business got off the ground. We’ve started reaping profits.” “Glad to hear it,” said Dovid. “Then I expect you should be able to repay now?” “I don’t have cheques from the business with me,” Reuven said. “However, I happen to have taken out cash from my account today. I’ll pay you the $1,000 and get the money back from Moshe.” Reuven pulled out his wallet and gave $1,000 to Dovid. Later that evening, Reuven met Moshe. “I bumped into your Uncle Dovid this afternoon,” Reuven said. “He asked for the $1,000 that we owe him.” “Yes, he’s been after me also,” said Moshe. “What happened?” “I had cash, so I paid him,” said Reuven. “How much did you pay?” asked Moshe. “I paid the full $1,000,” replied Reuven. “I’d like you to reimburse me from the joint account.” “I didn’t ask you to pay my uncle,” said Moshe. “I was hoping to work something out with him or convince him to let us keep the money! You paid of your own accord. I’ll reimburse your half, but not mine!” “What do you mean?!” exclaimed Reuven. “We’re partners in the business, and we owed $1,000 to your uncle. If I paid your part, I’m entitled to reimbursement from you also!” “I didn’t ask you to pay for me,” insisted Moshe. “You’re welcome to pay your half, but not mine!” The two agreed to come to Rabbi Dayan. “I repaid a loan made to the business partnership out of my pocket,” said Reuven. “Does Moshe have to reimburse me for his half?” “Indeed, a person who pays another’s debt of his own accord is not always entitled to compensation, since the Restoring the primacy of Choshen Mishpat Under the auspices of Harav Chaim Kohn א"שליט Restoring the primacy of Choshen Mishpat Under the auspices of Harav Chaim Kohn

debtor can claim that he would have settled with the creditor,” replied Rabbi Dayan. “Nonetheless, Shulchan Aruch rules that if one partner repays a joint debt, the other partner must reimburse his half” (C.M. 128:1; 77:1). “Why is a partner different?” asked Moshe. “Rosh (Responsa 73:9) explains that each partner is liable also as a guarantor for the others, so that the creditor is entitled to demand full payment from him, and that partner is not considered as having paid of his own accord,” explained Rabbi Dayan. “Therefore Shach (77:5) links this ruling to the dispute regarding a guarantor who paid the creditor without the borrower’s instruction. He maintains that Rambam, who exempts the borrower from reimbursing the guarantor, would exempt also a partner who paid of his own accord” (C.M. 130:2). “However, most Acharonim explain that a partner is more than a regular guarantor,” continued Rabbi Dayan. “Partners enter the partnership with the understanding that one can pay for the other; they each have tacit permission to pay fully. Therefore, even Rambam would agree that a partner can demand reimbursement “ (Sma 77:6; Tumim 77:4; Gra 77:12-13). “What is the source for this?” asked Reuven. “Gra cites the Gemar a (B.K. 113b) that a tax collector can collect from one partner what is due from all the partners,” replied Rabbi Dayan. “They cannot claim that it is his loss alone, and must reimburse him. Similarly, a partner who invests appropriately on behalf of the partnership is considered as having done so with implicit permission, and is entitled to full compensation” (B.B. 42b). “Sma adds, based on the Rema, that even if the partner did not state that he is paying for the other partner, presumably his intention is to pay also on his behalf,” concluded Rabbi Dayan. “Thus, Moshe must reimburse Reuven from the joint account also the half that he paid for him.” M

IT’S NOT ENOUGH Too many of us settle for what is “good” rather than what is “great”. And too few of us realise how bad this outlook is. Judaism expects man to do his best. Greatness is not simply a matter of “what you do” but of “who you are”. A human being is the most astonishing creature. Greatness is invested within him – it is just up to him to take appropriate action to realize it. Not simply a temporary state of being, greatness is a permanent feature of his makeup. This is beautifully hinted at in the Hebrew name for man “adam” which shares the same letters as the word “meod” which translates as “very” or “much”. A person cannot be content with his past achievements and staying with what he has. Instead, he continuously strives to accomplish more. For he has the capacity to excel exponentially. To become greater and greater. This outlook calls to mind one of the greatest unsung Jewish heroines of the past century: Recha Sternbuch. Despite being briefly arrested for smuggling Jews into Switzerland, she invested great effort to rescue her brethren trapped in Nazi Europe. She obtained South American identity papers and dispatched forged visas. On the Shabbos of her son’s Bar Mitzvah, Recha left the shul early to rescue Jews in imminent danger. Her secret negotiations with Himmler’s friend Jean Marie Musy paved the way for a later agreement in 1945. This turned over 4 concentration camps intact to the Allies – sparing the lives of countless inmates in the process. She negotiated the release of thousands of women from the Ravensbruck camp and the release of 15,000 Jews held in Austria. Some historians estimate that this courageous woman saved up to 300,000 Jews! Nevertheless, when asked about her rescue work, Recha expressed regret with the chilling comment: “I did not do enough!” The fear of “not doing enough” should cause us to stop and think. “One good deed for the day” is insufficient where we can stretch ourselves to fill “one day with countless good deeds”! One hour of Torah studies is inadequate where one could have learned for two. What is man doing with himself if he is not continually working to deliver his best? Being “good” is not nearly “good enough” when true greatness lies within our grasp. Osher Chaim Levene

FOOD FOR THOUGHT TO SPARK CONVERSATION

WHEN THE BENEFIT OF THE

DOUBT ISN’T A BENEFIT

You find out that someone is planning to do something to harm your friend, but according to the mitzvah of judging others favourably, you feel that you should assume there’s some other explanation and not stir up trouble. Are you right?

THE DILEMMA Your friend tells you that he’s had it with his business partner and he’s going to “line things up” so that he can break up the business in a way that gives him more than his fair share of the assets. In fact, he has already begun the process. Although you’re not personal friends with the partner, you know he is a good, honest person and hate to see him victimized. On the other hand, maybe your friend is just talking big and will calm down. Is this just an instance of bravado, or something about which you should warn the other party? ?

THE HALACHAH Judging favorably is a mitzvah; however, it shouldn’t come at someone else’s expense. The partner should be warned. Be careful to report only the words you heard, without exaggeration. Nesiv Chaim, Introduction to Klal 10, Hilchos Loshon Hora

Daf Yomi WEEKLY

Brought to you by Gemara GEM TWILIGHT EXCEPTIONS

כל דבר שהוא משום שבות לא גזרו עליו בין :- ח השמשות Anything that is a rabbinic prohibition is not prohibited during twilight Friday evening. - 8b

The Gemara reports that rabbinic prohibitions do not apply during the period of twilight, between sunset and when three medium stars appear.

Reb Meir Azarya from Pano comments that it must be noted that this only applies to the period of twilight late Friday afternoon, as Shabbos is about to start. We are entering into Shabbos from the weekday, and due to the ongoing doubt, we can take into consideration the possibility that it is still Friday, and rabbinic precautions do not yet apply. However, late on Shabbos afternoon, when the period of השמשות בין signals that Shabbos is waning, the status of the holiness of the day is still in effect until we know otherwise. In this case, the category of prohibitions which are שבות ,only rabbinic, are still applicable. It is in regard to this period of the day that the Gemara (Beitzah 16a) declares, נפש אבדה וי”—How unfortunate that our extra soul is about to depart!” It is only when our opportunity to hold on to the Shabbos has expired that we are willing to let go and admit that the next week will begin anew. In this manner, the extra moments of Shabbos which are added from the weekdays are more significant at the end of Shabbos than they are at the beginning.

Hashem tells Moshe to count the nation; not directly, but via a half shekel coin. Rashi explains that Hashem showed Moshe a coin of fire and told him ‘This is what they should give’ (Shemos 30:13). Why fire? One reason given, is that like money, fire has the power to be either beneficial or destructive, it simply depends on how it is used. Spend it well, it can bring goodness to the world, or badly and it can destroy. Hashem was showing Moshe that money too can in fact be sanctified if given for the sake of a Mitzva. (Oznaim LaTorah)

This concept can be applied to many areas of our lives. How do we use the gifts that we have been granted?

This idea is explained beautifully in the following excerpt from the poem ‘What Hashem won’t ask’:

Hashem won’t ask what kind of car you drove, He’ll ask how many people you drove who did not have transportation.

Hashem won’t ask the square footage of your house, He’ll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

Hashem won’t ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He’ll ask how many people you helped to clothe.

Hashem won’t ask what your job title was, He’ll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

(Author unknown)

Everything can be used for the good, or for the bad. Choose wisely!

Talk to Hashem

We can talk to Hashem in two different ways. One way is talking to Hashem about very lofty topics, as we daven in shmoneh esrei, hashiveinu avinu l’sorasecha, korveinu malkeinu l’avodasecha v’hachzireinu bi’shuvah shleimah lifanecha. We daven to Hashem for hatzlacha in learning, an opportunity to get close to Him, and that we should be zocheh to do teshuvah. These are tefillos on elevated spiritual matters. This is talking to Hashem on an extremely high level.

A person should not limit himself to this type of prayer alone. There is another type of tefillah called sicha. Sicha means conversation. We can converse with Hashem and discuss our personal, mundane problems of life.

Sometimes I see a teenager who goes off the derech r’’l. When I ask the boy how he is able to leave Somebody who he had so many conversation with, he answers, “I never had a conversation with Hashem.” Why is that? This boy has davened over a thousand shmoneh esreis. Why does he say that he never spoke to Hashem? This is because although he davened the shmoneh esreis, he never spent time conversing with Hashem.

Rabbi Nachman teaches us to converse with Hashem. He calls this hisbodedus. This is a time where a person has a conversation with Hashem; he talks to Hashem about his personal life and petty problems. This is not necessarily talking about lofty ideals of Torah and middos, but talking about the topics that are pressing on his heart. Hisbodedus is a discussion with Hashem. Tell Hashem how you are feeling. Discuss your hardships, your worries, your deliberations, your frustrations and your fears. Talk to Hashem about what is important to you. Talk in your own language and on your level. Tell Him about your troubles. Describe your hardship at work with your difficult boss. Share your fears of how you’re dreading your dentist appointment and how you can’t seem to get out of bed in the morning. Oneg Shabbos Issue 237. Hisbodedus is a conversation; it is not the tefillos that Chazal established. In the tefillos, we talk about the most lofty spiritual topics, but before the second “yihiyu l’ratzon” at the end of shmoneh esrei, it is common practice that we don’t say “oseh shalom” right away. Before we finish shmoneh esrei, we stop and add our personal requests to Hashem. We talk to Hashem.

Why do we stop and add in our personal requests? We want our tefillah to be a connection to Hashem. We want to build a relationship with Hakodosh Boruch Hu. By adding our personal requests and talking to Hashem in our language, that creates a connection to Hashem.

A person should feel that Hashem is connected to every little detail of his mundane life, not only his spiritual growth. A person should realise that Hashem’s connection to us is not limited to Torah, shidduchim, or his children’s chinuch, but rather to every single aspect of our life. A person should always talk to Hashem about things that are happening in his personal life and discuss all of his personal problems with Him. This creates the connection.

When a person engages in this kind of “talk,” it becomes an enjoyable experience to converse with Hashem. A person feels like Hashem is listening to him on a personal level. He will feel that Hashem is his best friend, like it says, “Yedid nefesh av harachaman.”

This approach of conversing with Hashem will then help us connect to

Rav Shai Atari Derech HaBaal ShemTov

Hashem also when it comes to important issues like shalom bayis and chinuch yeladim.

Avrohom Avinu established the prayer of shacharis. Shacharis is a very holy prayer where a man wears his tallis and tefillin and often includes kriyas HaTorah. Yitzchok Avinu established tefillas mincha as it says “Vayeitze Yitzchak lasuach basadeh.” Lasuach comes from the word sicha – a conversation. Mincha is more than an afternoon prayer. Mincha comes from the word “linchot” which means to land from a high place. Mincha is a time to “land”, to go down from the high spiritual topics and discuss with Hashem the personal issues in our lives, even if they seem low and unimportant.

Chazal teach us that a person should always be careful with mincha, because Eliyahu HaNavi was answered only by tefillas mincha. Why was Eliyahu specifically answered by mincha?

This is because when we speak to Hashem about our personal matters, then a personal connection is created between us and Hashem. When there is a genuine, strong connection made between us and our loving father, that is when our tefillos are answered.

That’s why it is called tefillas mincha and not “afternoon prayer.” Mincha is a special prayer, unlike the other prayers. Mincha is a special time where a person should put his emphasis on creating the beautiful relationship with Hashem by discussing his personal affairs, thereby connecting to the Ribono Shel Olam. M