Focus on what unites us

ways to play your part

1. Protect Klal Yisrael from trouble When we gossip about people’s sins, we open a prosecution in Heaven of all Klal Yisrael’s sins. When we overlook others’ sins, Hashem responds by mercifully overlooking our sins. That is one reason that shemiras haloshon protects the Jewish people.

2. Let in the Light The Jewish people are meant to fill the world with Hashem’s light. Each neshama shines. When we gossip about someone, we cast a cloud over His light and darken in the world. Shemiras haloshon lets Klal Yisrael do what Hashem put us here to do.

3. Believe in your impact Imagine there was a “Galus Clock” that moved steadily towards the Geula, and each moment of shemiras haloshon caused the clock’s hands to advance. It wouldn’t be hard for us to restrain ourselves as we watch the clock tick forward because of our efforts.

4. Focus on what unites us Hashem requires that Klal Yisrael serve him as one united family. Chazal teach that the ketores, the incense burned in the Bais Hamikdash, was desirable to Hashem only if it included a certain unpleasant smelling spice. Likewise, Hashem accepts the Jewish people only when we include even those we might believe Hashem would judge unpleasant.

5. Speak to Hashem with a pure mouth. Our tefilos and our Torah learning are our only means of bringing Hashem’s chessed into the world. They give us the power to move the Heavens and in turn transform this world. The more we protect the purity of our mouths with shemiras halashon, the more powerful our learning and prayer will be.

SHEMIRAS HALOSHON FOOD FOR THOUGHT TO SPARK CONVERSATION

WHEN TO

CALL THE

SPIN DOCTOR Although we’ve learned that we have to respect people’s stated preferences when they’re in search of a shidduch, there are occasions when we’re allowed to temporarily conceal facts that might stop the match before it gets started.

THE DILEMMA Y ou know a boy who was on the streets for a few years. After that difficult time period, he straightened out; his true brilliance and goodness surfaced, and he emerged as a solid bachur . He would be perfect for your highly intelligent, idealistic niece, but if she hears up front that this boy had “a bumpy ride” she would reject the shidduch on the spot. May you tell her about the boy without mentioning his long-ago difficulties?

THE HALACHA That is a judgment call which should be made by a rav and not a shadchan , who has an interest in getting the sides together. A rav will consider whether the issue at hand is objectively serious enough to block an initial meeting. If not, he may allow the information to be temporarily concealed until something of a relationship exists. However, it would have to be disclosed before the parties have a chance to develop strong positive feelings for each other.

Oral ruling by Harav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, zt”l

The Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation

Reviewed by Rabbi Moshe Mordechai Lowy. For discussion only; actual halachic decisions should be made by a rav or halachic expert on a case-by-case basis.