Growing up from the Asian side of my family, I heard this many times. The Chinese culture has a believe that the markings of the palm of your hands is unique only to that person, and can tell the fate of your future. My aunts use to look at my palms and shake their heads and tell my mother, “she has really bad fate, how awful, that’s probably why she never get straight A’s in school.” It was true, I wasn’t so good in school, I rather be making paper origamis or drawing than read books or study. But my father had a different mentality, he believed that you should indicate your own destiny, he always told me “You are the only person who can write your own fate, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” As a child, I was conflicted. Even as grown up as I am right now, I still struggle between what feels rigid, and what gives me the guilty pleasure. I still feel the push-pull feelings very much like my diverse nationality.
“Your fate is in the palm of your hands.”
get stuck with ideas
critics in class
look at students work
showing people my work
TIMES I FEEL LIKE I SUCK AT MY FIELD
outside 40% stuck with homework free-time 70% 90%
to relax 55%
bored 30%
WHEN I DRAW AND HAND-LETTER
ex. boyfriend’s abuse
critiques in class
being chased
falling
NIGHTMARES
45% in the shower
30% commuting 80% doing homework 60% while cooking
WHEN I LISTEN TO MUSIC
20% talk to my mother
80% talk to my father
TALK TO MY PARENTS IN HONG KONG
MON
3 hrs
TUE
1.5 hrs
WED
.5 hrs
THUR
2 hrs
TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND ON THE
75% looking at nutritional labels
20% long lines
80% at the grocery store
60% looking at junk food I won’t buy
THINGS I DO WHEN I GO GROCERY SHOPPING
10% have a balance and healthy diet
43% relaxation
60% save money from buying take-out food
THE REASONS I SPEND TIME COOKING
20% Talk to my parents 85% eat home cooked Chinese food
40% talk to my friends
TIMES I MISS HOME
80% In China town
35% In Chinese supermarkets
80% feeling stressed
40% while doing homework
20% homealone
60% in the shower
WHEN DO I TALK TO MYSELF
80% spent on cooking and grocery shopping
15% eat out
60% spent on working out
50% spent keeping track of my weight
50% spent keeping track of my measurements
HOW I AVOID GAINING WEIGHT
85% of the time
WISH I COULD BE OUTSIDE RATHER THAN BEING STUCK AT HOME DOING HOMEWORK
60% When I see skinny people
20% When I feel I ate too much
MEASURING MY BODY
100% Every morning and before bed
30% Curse at people who is rude in the city
60% Drawing
25% Kickboxing
25% Weightlifting
WHAT I DO WHEN I FEEL FRUSTRATED
80% harsh critique in class
40% sister insult my choice of career
20% don’t feel confident in my work
60% my mother makes me feel guilty
WHEN I QUESTION MYSELF IF I AM HAPPY
85% After a long day 70% When I feel lonely 35% When I feed her 20% feeling sad
WHEN DO I PLAY WITH MY PET
freak out in crowd fainted in a crowded train
MRI
MY CLAUSTROPHOBIA
go to restaurants
shopping
go to movies events
sleep-overs
HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS