HOLLYWOOD

MOVIES TO FALL FOR

Fall is the time of year when, hopefully, cooler weather envelopes us in its crisp embrace, and the basic bitches are happy because it’s pumpkin spice season. OMG, Becky!

And with the change of season comes a different type of movie-going experiences that relies less on blockbuster spectacle and more on quieter films that hope to catch the eyes of the awards shows.

But there is still a real-life specter that looms large, the ongoing pandemic. And with COVID-19 numbers on the rise, yet again, and with an autumn surge expected, yet again — will it turn out to be fall in the house of the ushers, or will we see the return of big-budget flicks being relegated to streaming services?

Honestly, I went to the movies a few times this summer and missed being able to pause a movie when I had to pee. Just sayin.’ But it was nice to see a movie on the big screen again and pay $20 for a large popcorn. Good times, indeed.

Without further ado, here are the movies waiting to transport us from our troubles and cares, if only for two hours, during the fall months.

WHERE MY GAYS AT?

As far as representation goes, you can basically paraphrase Princess Leia in the original Star Wars, “Help us Billy Eichner, you’re our only hope.” Unless you count Harry Styles — who has never gone on the record about his sexuality — going for the one-two punch in the theatrical-release arena. But he’s playing “a gay,” so we’ll include him, too.

By now, you probably know that Brosis the first major studio release to feature two gay men (Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane) at the center of a rom-com. This ain’t your mama’s typical meet cute cinematic outing, replacing the quaint notion of the female lead having a, gasp, gay bestie. How novel! Rather, Eichner — who wrote the screenplay — heads an all-LGBTQ cast that includes Guillermo Díaz (Scandal), Guy Branum (The Other Two), Ts Madison (The Ts Madison Experience), Monica Raymund (Chicago Fire) and Amanda Bearse (Married . . . with Children). September 30

First up for the former One Direction boy bander is Don’t Worry Darling, which tells the twisted tale of a 1950s homemaker (Florence Pugh) who suspects something is amiss in the town of Victory. The film has seen its fair share of behind-the-scenes doings. I’m not one to gossip, so you didn’t hear this from me. So, grab a paper towel because tea is about to get spilled.

First, Styles and director Olivia Wilde started a relationship during filming, which was halted due to COVID — the movie shoot, not the canoodling — and initially was to star Shia LeBeouf, who exited among claims of “creative differences.”

September 23

Styles dons a uniform as My Policeman and sheds it for his same-sex love interest (David Dawson) and wife (Emma Corrin). Set during the 1950s — I’m sensing a theme for ’ol Harry — when homosexuality was illegal in England and also features older versions of the characters, with one being portrayed by Rupert Everett. Limited release on October 21, and then streaming November 4 on Prime.

LET’S GET THEATRICAL

The bulk of new releases reads like a who’s who of the Hollywood echelon, with studios hoping that big names equate big box office, while smaller films are hoping to reach a wider audience.

Leading the pack is I am The Woman King, hear me roar! Viola Davis stars in the inspired-by-true-events historical epic that details her General Nanisca and the real-life West African all-female military force — known as Agojie — furiously defending The Kingdom of Dahomey.

September16

Tárisn’t a thriller set at Los Angeles’ famed pits. Rather, it stars Cate Blanchett as Lydia Tár, a composer of great acclaim who succeeds in becoming the first female chief conductor of a German orchestra. Yes, that makes way more sense! October 7

Amsterdam has a whole constellation of stars like Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, Chris Rock, Taylor Swift, Anya Taylor-Joy, Rami Malek and Robert DeNiro. The 1930s-set story is about three friends witnessing a murder, becoming suspects and then uncovering one of the most cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs plots in American history. It also has a bit of controversy surrounding it. The film’s director, David O. Russell, was accused almost a decade ago of sexual assault for groping his trans niece. October 7

With such a sad sack title, you’d think that Triangle of Sadness might ooze drama, but you’d be wrong. The dark comedy chronicles the sinking of a cruise for the uber-rich, stranding a fashion model couple and a cleaning lady on a tropic desert isle. No word if it’s loosely based on Gilligan’s Island. October 7

Obviously hottie Glen Powell (Top Gun: Maverick) isn’t worried about being typecast as a pilot since Devotionis about two U.S. Navy aviators (Powell and Jonathan Majors) risking their lives during the Korean War.

October 14

Helen Mirren headlines White Bird: A Wonder Story as a grandmother who shares with her grandson her story of strength as a youth in Nazi-occupied France, which she and her first love transform into a magical world. This spin-off of the 2017 Julia Roberts film Wonder also co-stars Gillian Anderson. October 14

Colin Farrell is back in his true hot form in The Banshees of Inisherin, after being unrecognizable as The Penguin in The Batman. I’m only glad his makeup didn’t resemble Danny Devito’s turn as Oswald Cobblepot in Batman Returns, as that now reminds me of Rudy Giuliani. But that’s neither here nor there. Anyhoo, Hottie McHotterson sets out to repair a lifelong friendship with Brendan Gleeson. October 21

The latest DC Comics character to headline a movie, Black Adam, stars Duane “The Rock” Johnson as the titular character, who was given godlike powers during Egyptian times and sets out to dole out justice in league with the trappings of modern times. October 21

George Clooney and Julia Roberts each buy a Ticket to Paradise as divorced parents who travel to Bali to sabotage their daughter’s wedding. I wonder if Julia’s character will also be taking her best friend to said wedding. October 21

She Said is the true-life account of The New York Times journalists Megan Twohey (Carey Mulligan) and Jodi Kantor (Zoe Kazan) publishing the article that exposed the sexual abuse allegations against Harvey Weinstein — played by an uncredited Jabba the Hutt — that also served as the launching pad for the #MeToo movement. Too bad it’s not being made by Dimension Films, Weinstein’s former company, because that would be a big eff you to the incarcerated piece of brown expletive. Alas, Universal Pictures is bringing the story to the big screen. November 18

The Fabelmans is Steven Spielberg’s semi-autobiographical film starring Michelle Williams, Paul Dano and Seth Rogen, which spans his formative years from 7 to 18 in Arizona. Here’s hoping he can harken back to the whimsical, warm fuzzies that populated his films in the 1980s. I mean it hasn’t been all cold pricklies after that; it’s just that he’s just expanded the nature of his film oeuvre, which I like over medium.

November 23

Strange World is Disney’s latest computer animated offering. In it, Jake Gyllenhaal finally settles into his daddyness — yes, that’s a word! — giving voice to the father of a family of space explorers that — drum roll, please — land on a strange world. Does that count as a spoiler?

November 23

It seems weird that Stranger Things’s David Harbour, who dropped 75 pounds for the fourth season of the Netflix series, is playing Santa in Violent Night. It features a not-so-jolly St. Nick battling a group of mercenaries attacking a wealthy family’s home on Christmas Eve. Cue One Million Moms — who only wish they had those kind of numbers — already making their picket signs. December 2

The only details about the Olivia Colman/Colin Firth vehicle, Empire of Light, is that it’s “a love story that takes place in an English coastal cinema during the 1980s.” So, no word if the floors of said cinema are of the sticky variety. December 9

I Wanna Dance with Somebodyhighlights the highs and lows of Whitney Houston’s cut-too-short life, with Naomi Ackie portraying the Grammy-winning singer and Nafessa Williams is listed in the credits as Robyn Crawford. So, there’s a chance that the movie may explore the relationship between the two, which Crawford wrote about in her memoir A Song for You. December 21

Babylon reunites Once Upon a Time in . . . Hollywood castmates Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie in a feature helmed by La La Land director Damien Chazelle. Naturally, this film also is set in, well, La La Land and encompasses the transition from silent films to talkies. December 25

THE SECOND TIME AROUND

The subtitle of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever sounds like a theme for a superhero prom, but I digress. There have been plot points leaked online, which involves the main villain being Sub-Mariner (Tenoch Huerta) and T’Challa’s sister Suri (Letitia Wright) possibly becoming the next Black Panther. November 11

Hopefully, Avatar 2: The Way of Water will be a case of well worth the wait, as it’s been 13 years since the original. The follow-up returns to Pandora, where Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) and Ney’tiri (Zoe Saldana) and family must flee their home when an ancient threat makes it presence known and they must also do battle with humans. Of note, Titanic star Kate Winslet reunites with director James Cameron as Ronal. Since there’s water involved in this sequel, she better make room on the door this time, k? December 16

ISLANDS IN THE STREAM

There are two chances to see everyone’s favorite wooden boy on TV screens. First up is Robert Zemeckis’s Pinocchio, a live-action musical remake of the 1940 animated flick for Disney+. It stars Tom Hanks as Geppetto, Cynthia Erivo playing the Blue Fairy, Luke Evans as the Coach, I mean the Coachman, and Jiminy Cricket being voiced by Joseph-Gordon Levitt. September 8

The other incarnation comes in stop-motion animation form, courtesy of director Guillermo del Toro, and is a decidedly darker take on the “I’ve Got No Strings” character. I’m surprised that neither of these two wooden boy flicks didn’t tap Keanu Reeves as the titular character. I kid because I love. It’s set to be released in select theatres in November and then available to stream on Netflix in December.

I may have been the only gay man who didn’t care for 2007’s Enchanted starring Amy Adams as a princess transported from her fairy tale land to New York City. So, it’s apt to me that the sequel is called Disenchanted, which picks up 10 years later with Giselle (Adams) questioning her happiness and will stream on Disney+. November 24

The rise and fall of cinema’s most famous Blonde, Marilyn Monroe, is the subject of Netflix’s biopic. Ana de Armas portrays the silver screen goddess in the NC-17 rated “for some sexual content” adaptation of Joyce Carol Oates’s fictionalized account of the “Some Like It Hot” actress’s life. September 23

Daniel Craig returns as Detective Benoit Blanc in Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery. He takes on a new case in Greece and, ahem, peels back the layers of whodunnit among suspects Edward Norton, Janelle Monáe, Kathryn Hahn, Leslie Odom Jr., Kate Hudson and Dave Bautista. Airing on Netflix sometime in November

CUT. PRINT. THAT’S A WRAP!

Keep your peepers peeled for two community-minded flicks, Dope Queens and Passages. The former is described as “a vibrant romantic thriller” set in San Francisco’s Tenderloin district, which is the home of Compton’s Transgender Cultural District, the first legally recognized transgender district in the world that spans six city blocks. One of the titular queens is RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 6 winner Kylie Sonique Love. The latter flick, Passages, stars Ben Whishaw and Franz Rogowski as two gay men who have been together for 15 years when one of them has an affair with a woman. Oh, the drama!

And don’t fret, I didn’t forget horror movies. They will get their own special spotlight next month in The RAGE Monthly. Until next time, that’s all the news that’s fit to print.