He Gets Around. h aus e o f h ow e
Every holiday Mom asks when I’m going to bring a girl home. A few years ago, she announced that she was going to stop asking when I was going to get married. Now when I go home, occasionally she’ll shout from another room, “I’m never going to have grandchildren!”
Eventually, the idea gets through that the pool is getting smaller. Fast. Settling stops sounding like a bad idea. Until the ones worth settling with are no longer available. That’s how “How did she marry him?” got started.
Mustard has no expiration date. It makes food that expires taste good.
If the end of a relationship is coming, start taking your stuff home slowly over time. Leave at least one item.
She’ll call you back over to get it.
take a good look at your father and your uncles ...
apply this to the female side of the equation. know what you’re getting into.
Queen beds an become a nece i n c h e s a n d t h r e a d c o u n t a r e i m p o rta n t. d o n ’ t o v e r s p e n d .
nd nice sheets essity. they’re going to be replaced shortly after your wedding.
There are more nerve endings in the sinuses than either the penis or clitoris. The answer is cologne.
The time for experimentation is . . .
We replicate humanity everywhere we go. We made the internet.
CONDOMS HAVE SERIAL NUMBERS AND EXPIRATION DATES. NEITHER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE USE OF THEM.
Learn the proper way to PUT THEM on.
The clerk at the drugstore looked twice at the pregnancy test before ringing it up. “That’ll be 18.64.” I handed her a twenty. She handed me my change, “I hope you pass.”
White crew socks crunched down to the top of the sneakers? Married: 1990’s.
His wife still has exactly the same man she married. Right down to the shoes.
Mount a subwoofer under the passenger seat. Odds are you won’t have to take your date dancing after dinner.
Be wary of girls who aren’t willing to feign interest in that which you hold most dear.
Being a third wheel is tolerable. At least one of them is your friend. You still have veto power. Being a fifth wheel is harder. At least one of your friends will cave. Both of them should, if they’re smart.
Art Director Jeff Dryer Copywriter Rob Thiemann PHOTOGRAPHY JEFF DRYER + Rob Thiemann THANKS SARA CObAUGH DAVID CROMER SARAH DAILY NATALIE HAMMEL CHRISTINA HERMANN SARAH INGLISS JOYCE KUAN TIFANNY LAM SUSAN LAND NERISSA MARBURY WHITNEY MARTINEZ JULIE MATHENY MAUREEN MCFEE GLORIA OMASWA EMMA PARRY LAUREN PERLOW HEATHER RYDER ALINA SHABASHEVICH jack streiff MICHAEL WHITTEN CONTACT JeffDryer@GMAIL.COM rob.thiemann@gmail.com (310) 768-4158 Sometimes a man needs a man to talk to.