on sharing a home
my brother who doesn’t say a word By Deborah Furber
“through my relationship with hsifu i have learned that togetherness can happen when we share a meal together, listen to good music together, or laugh at a good joke.”
I’m an extrovert. I’m so extroverted that on my Myer’s Brigg’s typology indicator I scored 21 for being an extrovert and 0 for being an introvert. I didn’t even know that was possible, but if you ask my roommate, her response would be something along the lines of “I don’t know Deborah, have you ever met yourself?” So, when I moved into an intentional community for adults who have various forms of developmental disabilities, it was safe to say that I knew a whole lot about talking and was basically oblivious to what silence was. When I first moved into L’Arche, I quickly became aware of how technology nagged me and distracted me from real relationships with real people. I’m ashamed to say that my cell phone often was more important to me than live conversations. Sometimes it is still a challenge. Being at L’Arche has been a journey into simplicity. It’s been about finding my true spiritual centre while also walking with people society often pegs as the “least of these” – whom Jesus often told us to love and care for. In particular, one relationship has really transformed my life – my friendship with a middle-aged man named Hsi-Fu. Hsi-Fu came to our community 25
years ago when he was about my age (I just turned 23). Hsi-Fu is legally blind and also is non-verbal. Growing up, Hsi-Fu would never be able to speak his first word, learn how to eat a sandwich on his own, or take his first steps unsupported. I have lived in community for the past 4 years of my life in different ways. First I lived on Tydale University College’s residence – an intense community of likeminded believers who prayed and worshipped together often. Then, I moved to a Mennonite seminary in the states that was big on intentional living and we even took courses preparing ourselves for this possibility. Yet, nothing in those four years would have prepared me to understand how to live in community with someone who is non-verbal. To me, community seemed to be getting together with a group of people who have similar interests and hobbies to yours and who want to share life by living and serving together. Yet, how was I supposed to find anything in common with a man twice my age who didn’t say a single word? At first my relationship with Hsi-Fu was a bit hard to master. It was hard to think of Hsi-Fu and I being friends rather than me simply being his caregiver. It was hard for
me to have any idea of what togetherness looks like. It was also hard for me to know how to share life – my deepest pains, fears, and happiness with a man who couldn’t respond in the way I thought I needed him to. Yet, getting to know Hsi-Fu has brought immense joy and gratification into my life. Hsi-Fu is an excellent teacher. Hsi-Fu has taught me that togetherness means loving and caring for one another, accepting their true self flaws and all, and walking with them in supportive and non-judgmental ways. Through my relationship with Hsi-Fu I have learned that togetherness can happen when we share a meal together, listen to good music together, or laugh at a good joke. Everyone’s story about togetherness and sharing in peace formation is different and if done in God honouring ways helps to bring the Kingdom of Heaven a reality one step closer to earth. For me, peace begins with togetherness and this togetherness in my life looks like creating home with a group of adults who have developmental disabilities. For me, togetherness looks like sharing Shalom with my brother who doesn’t say a word. t