How to survive a music festival
While attending one of the region’s biggest festivals—Future Music Festival Asia 2014—it occurred to us that a combination of humidity, tons of beer, snaking queues for absolutely everything and an excessive amount of dancing is a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. Music festivals take real skill to conquer, and here’s how.
EDM terms: a glossary
Throw some of these into a conversation, and we bet you’ll be regarded as the new EDM expert. Drop: The moment after the melody builds up to a climax—the beat kicks in and a chill runs up your spine. Sick: A term that’s used to mean awesome. “The DJ dropped some sick tunes last night!” BPM: Every EDM song is established on its beats per minute (BPM). House music is generally slower, while trance has a higher BPM. Mix: Anything from a radio show to a live set, with a bunch of songs the DJ fuses together using his innate ability to beat match.
Tip 1 Head to the gym weeks—or months, if you prefer—before the festival. You have to build stamina. How else are you going to last the night? Work on those weights in the event that a hot chick wants you to hoist her onto your shoulders. Tip 2 Pack a mobile charger for your smartphone. With all the photo-taking and live updates on Twitter, your battery is bound to run out of juice before the festival ends. Tip 3 Always get the VIP package if you can afford it. The shorter queues for drinks and toilets are definitely worth the extra bucks.
Tip 4 Once you’re on festival grounds, scout for air-conditioned tents, if any. An alternative is to rent a car for a mini respite when you need it. Just remember, don’t drink and drive. Tip 5 Sneak away from your friends to chug H2O. There’s nothing wrong with drinking water, but acting all ninja-like helps to prevent friends from shaming you into drinking more booze. Tip 6 You’ll likely be separated from your group of friends at some point during the festival. Decide beforehand when and where exactly to regroup—for example, during a particular band’s set.
Rework: Sometimes, DJs are fickle—when they’re not happy with a song they’ve produced, they do a second (or even a third) version of it. ID: Unidentified artist or track. Sample: Seconds of a song that DJs loop or mix with other samples to produce a new track. Residency: DJs who sign with a club to perform regularly.
What to do when a festival is cancelled
As seen with this year’s Future Music Festival Asia, you need to slap away the itch to text all your friends or bitch about it on social media. Things happen and, sometimes, the fun gets interrupted. And when it does, here’s what you should be doing instead. Hunt festival acts down. The artists who were meant to play at the festival now have their schedules cleared for the night. Those who haven’t hopped straight onto a flight have to end up somewhere, right? Use your connections (if you have any) to find out where they’ll be playing. And, yes, you’re excused from the “stalker” label—just for that night. Explore the local music scene. There’s always something happening somewhere—a DJ spinning in a club full of people dry-humping each other, a band singing to bar patrons who ignore them, even a solo singer crooning for free at a record store. The least you can do as a favour to yourself is to immerse yourself in music. Drink like hangovers don’t exist. Booze is notoriously known to solve all
86 ESQUIRE MAY 2014
your short-term problems. Head to the nearest dive bar, or some fancyschmancy rooftop bar if that’s your kind of thing, to knock back drinks of the alcoholic variety. Go on, with news this hard to hear, you definitely deserve it. Boost the economy. When in doubt about what to do, shopping is always the answer. Even DJ Armin van Buuren, whom we had a chance to sit down with, said he has to “do some shopping for [his] baby girl, or else mum gets disappointed”. And for all you know, you might just find the perfect suit. Still sulky? Lock yourself in your room, so you can tear up while watching old live performances of your favourite acts on YouTube.
corbis
Festival dance moves: a guide The Great Fist Pump The GFP is an up-and-down motion using one or both arms that many pass off as dancing. Fists give off the douchebag vibe, while open palms make you look like you’re trying to answer a question in class. There’s no winning with this one. The Dubsteizure When the beat drops, seize your body up like it’s going into spasms. Release. Repeat. To switch it up, head bang to the rhythm. The Technoviking We kid you not—this is an actual dance move (go ahead, YouTube it. We’ll wait). Ever see a guy slicing the air like he’s Jackie Chan with fancy footwork to boot? That, dear friend, is the Technoviking.
The Side Step Because festivals are so tightly packed, there’s virtually no space to do the shuffle (which is so 2011). The Side Step is the dance move for the unadventurous: it’s safe and very boring. Step to the side with your right leg and bring the left to meet it, and then, do the same for the other side. The Hump Da Bump This move requires a partner. Position yourself behind your chosen partner, bend your knees a little then start gyrating to the beat. A possible downside to this is a tightening of your pants around the groin area that your partner might notice.
Know your EDM
You might think Electronic Dance Music is just another genre of music, but you’d be surprised to learn that it’s actually an umbrella term for dozens of sub-genres. Here are six of the biggest to help you fake your way through a conversation with an EDM fan you’re trying to impress.
House What you might think it is: Music with a thumping “doof doof” baseline that vibrates through the club. What it actually is: The most popular form of EDM, house has made its way into mainstream music, through the likes of “Summer” by Calvin Harris and “Red Lights” by Tiesto. Don’t be mistaken though; there are many distinct sounds in house music (such as progressive house and electro house). Notable DJs: Zedd, Deadmau5, Afrojack, Alesso, Martin Garrix.
Trance What you might think it is: A subconscious state of mind. What it actually is: Probably the genre that injects the most emotion into its music, trance can be positively uplifting as well as a real tearjerker—we’re not going to judge you if you start crying while listening to Dash Berlin. It’s centred on layering rhythms to create a buildand-release effect. Notable DJs: Armin van Buuren, Dash Berlin, Ferry Corsten, Markus Schulz, Andrew Rayel.
Dubstep What you might think it is: An excuse for Skrillex wannabes to get side-shaves. What it actually is: The baselines in dubstep are the crux of the music, typically with sonic sounds you’d associate with Tron. Dubstep, surprisingly, originated from Jamaican dub music. Notable DJs: Skrillex (of course!), Krewella, Flux Pavilion, Skream, Monsta.
What’s your tribal ID? A handy guide to who’s who at a music festival.
Which one are you? The Raver All decked out in a neoncoloured singlet and shorts with accessories that scream “Look at me!” or “I’m a tool!” The Cool Kid Usually inappropriately dressed for a festival because, you know, he’s cool and all.
Techno What you might think it is: Music that gets your heart beating so fast it might just stop. What it actually is: It seems techno’s progression since its birth in the ’80s has been overlooked in the local scene. Sometimes misconstrued as ah beng music, techno combines synth beats and quick tempos in a more complex form than we think. Just listen to “In Distress” by A$AP Rocky featuring Gesaffelstein from the Divergent soundtrack. Notable DJs: UMEK, Richie Hawtin, Boys Noize, Gesaffelstein, Brodinski.
G etty. Words by J ehanne T eo.
Trap What you might think it is: An instrument for, uh, hunting animals? What it actually is: Trap is basically house music in double or triple time. Sometimes, it goes even faster. The end result? We like to think of it as the EDM equivalent of hip-hop. There’s no way you can fist pump to this. Notable DJs: Baauer, Flosstradamus, Carnage, Grime, Brillz.
Drum & Bass What you might think it is: Nick Cannon’s solo in the film Drumline. What it actually is: Many argue that drum & bass (or DnB) is one of the most carefully structured genres of dance music—that of carefully structured drum loops over a thumping baseline, of course. Its name is pretty self-explanatory. Notable DJs: Goldie, Chase & Status, Sub Focus, Netsky, Andy C.
The Music Geek Arrived in a plain old tee that’s immediately replaced with a band tee bought from the merchandise booth. Here for the music. The Enthusiast Adorned with an over-thetop mask, latex and/or fur. Gets in real close when speaking to you. Same fervency as a cultist. The Brah “Half-nude is the way to go, brah! Girls be checking me out! BRAH!”
ESQUIRE MAY 2014 87