APRIL 2015 VOL XIV ISSUE V SYRACUSE NEW YORK Your student fee
GAWK
CONTENTS APRIL 2015 One Small Step 26 Syracuse University sophomore Ellie Freeman tells her story of sexual assault on campus and discusses whether Governor Cuomo's new policy of "yes means yes" would affect survivors' experiences.
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BIRTHDAY STEPS FEEDBACK PEEPS CLICKBATE
All Star 38 Activewear isn’t just for the gym anymore. Sleek performance fabrics, infused with runway flair and paired with chic sports-inspired pieces, round out this season’s athleisure trend.
Streaming Brooks 48 Music in the digital era has come a long way, from LimeWire to Spotify—but senior Ian Brooks believes there’s still a long way to go. He founded an app called soos that’s designed to stop Spotify in its tracks, literally.
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Cover Design by Maia Henderson Photography by Renee Zhou
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BACKDROP The Inn Complete
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TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC POLL National Siblings Day
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SEX No Pain, No Gain FRAMED Mo Caught In Snow
BITCH OPINIONS 16
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NOISE ARTS & MUSIC
JERK THIS What you should hit up and bitch about this month.
Unfair SU prides itself on inclusive education but claims American Sign Language is just a “skill."
22 It's Not About the Money Obama's new plan to send students to two–year community colleges for free: Nice gesture, serious flaws.
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Trail Blazin' We'll be blunt with you about the lowdown on cannabis.
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REWIND Mean Girls
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ALTRUIST Snapchat
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AMPLIFIED Goodkids
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SYNAPSE Just for Laughs
54 Waze of Life Traffic apps endangering police officers? No Waze.
SMUT FEATURES
Going Off Book The Mormon Church just backed LGBT antidiscrimination laws, but demands laissez-faire religious freedom in return. Is this still a step forward?
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A Mile In Her Heels The men of Buzzfeed are caking themselves in makeup and parading in slutty Halloween costumes. But the results are way more uncomfortable for readers than for the guy wearing a corset.
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Shamrock Block Three places in Syracuse's Irish district capture the Celtic vibe.
BACK OF BOOK 62
DISCOVERSYR All Night Egg Plant
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SPEAKEASY Karaline Rothwell
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OBITCHUARY Google Glass
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CLOSET CASE From functionality to personality, these glasses give their owners new insight.
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FORM AND FUNCTION How to Dress for a Wine Tour
GAWK FASHION STRIPPED Hats off to these cool toppers.
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Michelle Malia EDITOR
Kelley Anne Rowland
Maia Collette Henderson
MANAGING EDITOR
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
EDITORIAL
Heather Rounds ASST. FEATURES EDITOR Michaela Quigley ARTS AND MUSIC EDITOR Rebecca Shafer ASST. ARTS AND MUSIC EDITOR Susanna Heller OPINIONS EDITOR Eric King ASST. OPINIONS EDITOR Rachel Lockhart STYLE EDITOR Annika Downs ASST. STYLE EDITOR Chazz Inniss RESEARCH EDITOR Gigi Antonelle COPY EDITOR Rachel Young FACT CHECKER Bronte Schmit FACT CHECKER Julia Smith FRESHMAN INTERN Nicole Engelman FRESHMAN INTERN Katherine Fletcher FEATURES EDITOR
DESIGN
Abby Legge Kristie Cordon, Bianca Kim, Sofia Russo DESIGN DIRECTOR DESIGNERS
ART
Ryan Brondolo Katrina Ragland STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Sam Maller, Spencer Bodian, Renee Zhou, Rina Matsuno–Kankhetr ILLUSTRATORS Frances Matos, Hannah Moore, Rob Byers, William Smith IV ILLUSTRATION DIRECTOR
PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR
PUBLIC RELATIONS
Kaitlynn Cooney Anagha Das, Kennedy Patlan, Ashley Brolin, Spencer Bistricer PR DESIGNER Elizabeth Ching COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR PR REPRESENTATIVES
WEB
Laura Cohen WEB EDITOR Caroline Cakebread ASST. WEB EDITOR Sarah Ibrahim WEB DESIGNER Shawna Rabbas PHOTO EDITOR Adham Elsharkawi DIGITAL INTERN Serena Sarch DIGITAL DIRECTOR
MULTIMEDIA
Olivia Monko ASST. MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Abby Schwartz ASST. MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Chris Sechler ASST. MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Adriana Ascencio SOCIAL EDITOR Jensen Cannon SOCIAL EDITOR Aidan Meyer MULTIMEDIA EDITOR
BUSINESS
Maria Ingaglio Anna Goodell AD REPRESENTATIVE Marisa Stark, Estella Xian PUBLISHER
AD DIRECTOR
CONTRIBUTORS Anna Merod, Erika Haas, Chris Unkenholz, Mandisa Shields, Audrey Morgan, Riddley Gemperlein–Schirm, Casby Bias, Gabriela Riccardi, Eugene Lanzoni, Thomas Beckley–Forest, Nikki Blaylock, Remington Bennett, Julia Olteanu, Madison Schleicher, Zane Ludvigsen, Elena Whittle, Katy Beals, Jaleh Kermani, Rajon Enoch, Kate Bernhardt
Melissa Chessher ADVISER
Through its content, Jerk is dedicated to enhancing insight through communication by providing an informal platform for the freedom of expression. The writing contained within this publication expresses the opinions of the individual writers. The ideas presented in this publication do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Jerk Editorial Board. Furthermore, Jerk will not be held responsible for the individual opinions expressed within. Submissions, suggestions, and opinions are welcomed and may be printed without contacting the writer. Jerk reserves the right to edit or refuse submissions at the discretion of its editors. Jerk Magazine is published monthly during the Syracuse University academic year. All contents of the publication are copyright 2014 by their respective creators. No content may be reproduced without the expressed written consent of the Jerk Editorial Board.
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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
BIRTHDAY STEPS When you turn 5, you celebrate at Chuck E. Cheese's with cardboard crust pizza and cake. When you turn 9, you host a pool party and bake post–celebration cupcakes in your Easy–Bake Oven. When you turn 16, you take, and hopefully pass, your driver's test at the DMV. And when you turn 21, you drink too many birthday shots and spend 22 of the next 24 hours sleeping. This month, we celebrate the best kind of birthday, one free of day–long hangovers: JERK’s. The magazine has seen monumental changes over the past 12 years: It started as a tiny publication in April 2003 run by five self– proclaimed assholes, and just look at it now in its 68–page, full–color glory. Over time, we grow. We grow as people, our dreams grow, and our lives grow. Karaline Rothwell's dreams have grown into reality as she works on neighborhood projects and cleans up syringe litter (page 64). Ellie Freeman, a Syracuse University sophomore, grew mentally and emotionally after she was sexually assaulted, twice (page 26). And even obvious things, like cannabis plants, grow—we share six pages of information on weed trends in our Trail Blazin' package on page 52. Let's be straight about it: You're likely not that sweet little 5–year–old in Chuck E. Cheese's anymore. Like E. E. Cummings wrote, "She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still." Keep on Jerking,
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FEEDBACK
This time of year we can all use some words of encouragement. Thanks for the ego boost loyal readers, but don't forget we're always ready to take a hit.
Harriet Brown, via email [Feb. 27] Beautiful issue! Such high production values, excellent content, and polish. What a wonderful portfolio piece for you and everyone else on staff and represented in its pages.
SHOW US SOME LOVE Jerk Magazine 126 Schine Student Center Syracuse, NY 13244
@jerkmagazine jerk@jerkmagazine.net jerkmagazine.net
Nicky C, @it_nic [March 1] Wishing I was back at cuse to read @jerkmagazine #jerkingabroad
JERK Magazine, @jerkmagazine [Feb. 15] Prada didn't case a black female model between 1994-2013. How diverse will their cast be in this Fashion Week? Annie Curtains, @AnniePeace123 [Feb. 15] @jerkmagazine This is the right question. I love JERK Magazine and I love diversity in beauty.
Tatiana C., @T_Cadet [Feb. 27] I was writing my paper, until i felt compelled to check out @jerkmagazine on the #SUSouthCampus bus. #ROFL Good Laugh, now #BACKTOWORK!
FOLLOW, DON’T LEAD
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youtube.com/jerkmagazine
Jerk Magazine
facebook.com/jerkmagazine
@jerkmagazine
instagram.com/jerkmagazine
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s r o t u b i r t n o c Jerk trina Ragland
Photography by Ka
JULIA OLTEANU / Sophomore / "Goodkids" I interviewed Goodkids at the Redhouse in a lounge a couple of hours before one of their performances. Gio was eating hummus with chips, Mazz was ironing his shirt for the performance, and Joe was relaxing on the couch. It didn’t even feel like an interview. It was like we were friends just hanging out.
MANDISA SHIELDS / Sophomore / "The Inn Complete"
Writing for Jerk has been a great experience. I had the worst luck scheduling interviews, but it was great checking out the hidden gems of SU. I was surprised by how interesting these hidden spaces are. Everything has a vital backstory and it’s pretty cool to know that current students are making history.
EUGENE LANZONI / Senior / "Waze of Life" Working for Jerk was kind of like that time you agreed to spend the summer helping your uncle build a deck. No, not the creepy uncle. The fun uncle. You know, the one who aggressively tries to start up an Ultimate Frisbee game at every barbecue? And makes a lot of Nelly–related jokes? Yeah, it’s like that.
JALEH KERMANI / Freshman / model, "All Star" The photo shoot that I modeled for this month was so silly and fun. I worked with an amazing photographer and stylists. It opened my eyes to what goes on behind the scenes. My favorite part about the shoot was being a part of something creative and taking on a different character with each outfit.
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JERK THIS MISS TREXX PAGEANT
NAME YOURSELF DAY
INTERNATIONAL DARK SKY WEEK
April 4 You know this'll be anything but a drag.
April 9 The only day you can actually be Beyoncé.
April 13–18 Your Chistmas lights have nothing on the stars.
WANDA SYKES LIVE
SUNYWIDE FILM FESTIVAL
AVENUE Q AT SYRACUSE STAGE
April 24–26 A big moment for the little people.
April 25 Friendly monsters and humans, rejoice.
April 18 Herlarious comedy has finally made its way to Syracuse.
HIT
Shit we like
BITCH
Shit we like to avoid
SHOW EM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF
SYRACUSE FASHION WEEK
PAINT AND POUR AT THE EVERSON
April 3 The Backstreet Boys are anything but back.
April 8–12 Syracuse knows fashion like Georgia knows snow.
April 9 Let the housewives be and hit a bar instead.
THE LONGEST RIDE
PIZZA! PIZZA! COOKING CLASS AT AURORA INN
FOAM & GLOW AT THE WESTCOTT
April 10 Cross your fingers that this film is the last Nicholas Sparks adaptation. 10 4.15• JERK
April 14 Why drop $75 when you can burn your own crust?
April 25 Soapsuds belong in one place, and it's not in your mouth.
BACKDROP
THE INN COMPLETE
By Mandisa Shields : Photography by Madison Schleicher The Inn Complete is a space removed from the typical bar scene surrounding Syracuse University. Unlike most bars in the area, the South Campus spot has a more laid– back environment that caters to SU’s older demographic. After a long week of work and studying, the relaxed atmosphere encourages students and professors to unwind. The Inn Complete came to be in 1987 when SU’s Graduate Student Organization approached the administration about establishing a club in which graduate students could socialize and share ideas. The administration and GSO agreed that the basement of the barn on Skytop Road would be the perfect place for this. Renovations were made, and the Inn Complete was founded. Photos of the red barn as a ski lodge line the back wall of the building. Downstairs, leather couches surround stone fireplaces. Upstairs, billiards tables invite guests to shoot some pool. From the upper deck, the
structural supports of an old ski lift can be seen perched on a nearby hill. Its purpose is less about being a competitive and expansive bar and more about instilling a sense of ownership and community among SU’s graduate students. The Inn is especially considerate of students’ budgets and keeps prices reasonable—no item on the menu exceeds $7.49. The menu includes quesadillas, beer, and boxed wine. Graduate students also receive a 20 percent discount with their student ID and the staff requests that students not tip. On Thursday nights, the Inn holds an ongoing trivia tournament. Before The Inn opened, SU graduate students felt a lack of community. In comparison to the undergraduate population, the graduate students were extremely separated and divided based on their concentrations and majors. The Inn Complete serves as a place where they can get together, but also as a space within the SU community. J M
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CLICKBATE What We're Getting Off To On The Web This Month
JERKMAGAZINE.NET We know you have it bookmarked, but just in case.
People and Their Pieces
Jerk Does Cribs
In honor of 4/20, check out this photo series about the serious relationships people form with their bongs, bowls, and other smoking pieces. Whether you want to scoff at amateurs telling stories of their first bowls, or envy the elaborate bongs of experienced upperclassmen, take this chance to reminisce about your own 4/20 adventures.
Toss your trash and dust off your alcohol shrine, because Jerk is gonna knock on your door. Our multimedia team’s new video series will highlight the chillest of cribs and the humblest of abodes. Think your twinkling Christmas lights look way better than everybody else’s twinkling Christmas lights? Then email jerkmagdigital@gmail. com so we can feature your dwelling.
WHILE YOU'RE CLICKING AROUND... passiveaggressivenotes . com
Getting tired of people doing stupid shit? Want to call them out on it? We know how you feel. This website compiles some of the best anonymous passive-aggressive notes into one hilarious feed. Browse these notes to coworkers, friends, family, and even strangers, and feel a little better knowing that you’re not alone in your struggle to deal with the stupidity of others.
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coffitivity . com
When it’s impossible to hide from your neighbor who insists on 1 bumping the same techno beat for hours, Coffitivity offers you salvation. Mimicking the sounds of a coffee shop, the white noise sounds of Morning Murmur, or University Undertones, it lets you escape without actually having to leave your room and bump into someone you’re avoiding at Recess.
TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC POLL
NATIONAL SIBLINGS DAY Sometimes we love them and sometimes we tell them they’re adopted. Either way, siblings are worth celebrating, at least on April 10. Jerk took to Bird to find out just how much you value blood bonds. WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE TELEVISION SHOW SIBLINGS?
DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? a. b. c. d.
Ross and Monica from Friends: They annoy each other, but at the end of the day they're still family. (38%)
No: My parents decided they were successful enough with me. (22%) Yes: My older siblings weren't good enough for my parents. (34%) Yes: I wasn't enough for my parents. (24%) I'm a middle child: My parents needed a few more attempts to get it right. (20%)
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO CELEBRATE?
WHICH INSTITUTION IS SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY'S SIBLING?
DUKE: THEY'RE COMPETITIVE AND THEY HATE EACH OTHER. (50%) WHICH TWO FAMOUS PEOPLE ARE PROBABLY LONG-LOST SIBLINGS?
Kent and former President Calvin Coolidge, who frequently took naps in his office and believed in not intervening in issues. (44%)
Waiting by my mailbox for the gift that my sibling better be sending me. (40%) HOW MANY STATES RECOGNIZE NATIONAL SIBLINGS DAY AS A HOLIDAY? Probably just the weird, super-liberal ones. We're looking at you, California. (64%) JERK
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SEX
NO PAIN, NO GAIN
Sadistic pleasure aside, we found that getting dirty can get a little risky. Illustration by Ryan Brondolo
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Seeing Red
Someone gave me a blow job and somehow perforated the head of my dick. When I came, the blood and cum mixed together and looked like I was cumming blood, and it was literally the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.
Hips Don't Lie
My boyfriend and I went to one of the balconies of the classrooms at my boarding school. He lifted me up and pressed my waist against the security bars of the balcony. While we were doing it, we lost our rhythm and I dislocated my hipbone. I didn’t realize it right away somehow—call it ecstasy. I had to do physical therapy for a month.
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Hot Hands
I was fucking this one girl and we had the bright idea to try some more physically demanding positions. Long story short, she tried doing some crazy variation of a headstand, fell off the bed, and broke her hand on my lava lamp.
Eye Sore
My boyfriend and I were having sex and he pulled out. I went to blow him until he finished, but he came in my eye. Even after flushing it out, my eye was blood red and stinging for the next five hours. He apologized every time he looked at me.
Uncaged
I was having sex with my boyfriend and I heard a “pop” in my ribs. I didn’t really think anything of it until I was at a doctor’s appointment. After an X–ray, we found out that I had cracked a rib months ago. I told my mom I fell down. She knew the truth.
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FRAMED
Mo Caught In Snow Lise Sukhu senior, illustration
"I used my friend Monica for this portrait. I enjoy drawing portraits and seeing what details I need to capture in the person. I used a limited color palette, looser strokes, and restricted my rendering. It captures her well without giving too much information so that the focus stays on her."
To showcase your work on "Framed," email art@jerkmagazine.net. JERK
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American Sign Language is not a version of English for your hands—it's just as foreign as any other language. So why doesn’t Syracuse University count it as a language requirement? By Michaela Quigley : Illustration by Frances Matos As I strolled into my first disability studies class, I was surprised by the different methods of communication I saw happening. Although there were two different languages being used simultaneously, the classroom was no louder than any of my other classes. My professor was even communicating in two languages at once. She was speaking English and signing American Sign Language (ASL). The one–hour class passed by, and I was still baffled. I wondered why there were two signers in the room moving their hands swiftly through the air. My professor used her voice to speak. The assistant used his voice to speak. All of my classmates used their voices to speak. After a few classes went by, I realized that the assistant is Deaf and uses ASL. I was ignorant to think that because someone can speak, they can also hear. During each disability class, I watched the signers and
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listened to what was being said to connect symbols with words. The symbolism, the fluidity of hands moving from sign to sign in the air, the way the faces tell a story without a single sound—it was all fascinating to me. Although I want to take ASL, it’s not a possibility because it doesn’t count as a foreign language. I could take the class as an elective, but electives are typically reserved for minors, which I have two of. Other students at SU face the same problem. Many colleges within the university believe ASL should not count toward the foreign language requirement because it only teaches a skill, not a culture. While the College of Arts and Sciences curriculum board says that ASL only counts as three credits and doesn't teach culture, the course catalog says otherwise. The catalog says that ASL is a four–credit class that teaches “a living, unique language underlying Deaf culture in the US.”
BITCH ASL is much more than a skill. It's not just about learning how to sign the letters of the alphabet and figuring out how to spell names with your hands. ASL is about identity. The Deaf population capitalizes the “d” in "Deaf" because they do not feel that being Deaf is a disability. Deafness is a part of their identity, not a handicap, but a different way of living. ASL is the Deaf community's cultural foundation. Just like any other culture, Deaf culture has its own jokes, poetry, and even music. “I attend Deaf events, I have Deaf friends and those groups want to incorporate or involve other people, but it is very difficult if they don’t use ASL,” says Steven Singer, a graduate student and teaching assistant to the introductory disability studies class. Singer identifies himself as Deaf and uses ASL to communicate. The number of Americans that use ASL is increasing. Some studies have shown that the number is close to 2 million people. A 2011 U.S. Census Bureau survey didn't even consider the number of people who sign ASL. “When I go places like restaurants or the doctor, I frequently find there is someone who knows some basic sign language,” Singer says. “It may just be finger spelling but they know people who are Deaf. Awareness of the Deaf culture and use of sign language has really improved my experience among the world,” she says. The advising office in the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications believes ASL doesn’t count toward the foreign language requirement because it is American. Yes, ASL is American. But is ASL English? No. ASL is its own language. ASL has its own signs and grammar. When signing ASL, each word does not have a specific sign; phrases and ideas are
communicated through specific signs. ASL does not translate word for word just like French does not translate word for word. “It’s not just a–b–c, one–two–three, do– re–mi, here are some cool basic signs,” says disability studies professor Diane Wiener. “Sign language is a fully realized and completely relevant and sophisticated linguistic form. It has its own grammatical structure that’s internally consistent including idiomatic usage and complex syntax and various expressions." There are around 175 colleges and universities in the United States that include ASL in their lists of acceptable foreign language requirements. All universities or colleges in Kentucky that offer ASL have to accept it as a modern language requirement. All 23 state universities in California accept ASL as a foreign language requirement. Recently, the University of Maryland school system began to accept ASL as a foreign language. SU is out of justifiable excuses. If it really wants to be seen as the inclusive school it advertises, then it needs to follow the lead of these schools. The claims that ASL doesn't count because “it’s American” or “it doesn't teach culture” are both supremely ignorant ways of upholding an extremely outdated, out–of– touch policy. But more importantly, the failure to acknowledge ASL as a language is discriminatory to the Deaf population. “It’s my primary form of communication. I am an ASL-dependent user. For the university not to accept it as a foreign language, I find it very offensive and detrimental to my sense of pride, my population of people,” Singer says. Attention SU administration: The rest of the university community is living in 2015. Please, join us. JM
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GOING OFF BOOK The Mormon church has reversed its stance on the discrimination of LGBT people, but only in return for more religious freedom. And for now, that’s fine by us. By Riddley Gemperlein-Schirm : Illustration by Rob Byers In January, The Idaho House State Affairs Committee voted on the fate of the “Add the Four Words” bill. The bill would have amended the Idaho Human Rights Act, adding sexual orientation and gender identity as protected classes. Unfortunately, despite testimony from 190 speakers—the majority of whom were for the measure— the committee voted 13 to 4 to strike down the bill, taking LGBT equality down with
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it. Of the 13 “no” votes, five were from Mormon committee members. On Jan. 27, not two days before the Idaho decision, Mormon leaders posed a partial truce pledging some support for anti-discrimination laws and protection for the LGBT community. At a national news conference in Salt Lake City, Utah, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced its new “fairness for all”
BITCH approach. But in exchange for the support Just shy of 30 years later, the LDS of the Mormon Church, LGBT rights Church’s values, or viewpoints, haven’t advocates and the government must allow changed much. As Mormon Prophet the Mormon Church to practice its customs Gordon B. Hinckley said on Larry King Live in and beliefs freely. December 2004, “We know [homosexuals] In her speech, Sister Neill Marriott have a problem. We want to help them explained that while the Church does not solve that problem.” The Church has spent condone homosexual relationships—they millions of dollars over the past few years to are “contrary to the laws of God"—it does prevent gay and lesbian weddings. acknowledge that “God is loving and The problem with the recently declared merciful.” Although there’s been no change “yes, but” situation is that it could set a in the Mormon Church’s doctrine, The very dangerous precedent. Church leader Washington Post notes “the move went Jeffrey Holland explained that issues like further than other traditional faith groups this transcend the wedding chapel. He used have by placing religious freedom on health care as an example. an equal moral footing.” Marriott added, “A Latter-day Saint physician who “There’s ample evidence in the life of Jesus objects to performing abortions or artificial Christ to demonstrate that he stood firm insemination for a lesbian couple should for living the laws of God, yet reached out not be forced against his or her conscience to those who had been marginalized, even to do so,” he told NPR. “Especially when though he was criticized for doing so.” It others are readily available to perform that is, as Sister Neill Marriot said, the Church’s function.” obligation to fulfill the holy savior’s empathy This is a very slippery slope. To deny for all mankind. gay people the right to get married is one It's great that the Church has some sort thing. However, refusing medical care of empathy for mankind. That was made and treatment sets the precedent that perfectly clear in 1976, when Brigham professionals can pick and choose patients Young University, owned by the LDS Church, based on their religious beliefs. used what they called “electric aversion The only thing that religious antitherapy” on gay men to cure them of their discrimination laws would give the Mormon sexuality. As one participant recalled, “As Church is the freedom to discriminate teens, we were taught that homosexuality even more. These laws might be more was second only to murder in the eyes of worthwhile for the Muslim student whose God.” Very empathetic. school won’t let him complete his required Mormons adhere to Christian principles, prayers to Mecca, not for people looking like the ones identifying Jesus Christ as the to deny people the opportunity to wed or Son of God, in addition to more Mormon receive medical care. beliefs, such as observing a pure lifestyle. But, regardless of the policy’s flaws, For instance, they have a strict moral code a step forward is a step forward for the that prohibits smoking or drinking alcohol— LGBT community. But just because its they're not even allowed to have caffeine. A long overdue pledge of support has some part of this “wholesome” lifestyle includes damaging costs that could very possibly heterosexuality—or at least pretending to come to fruition, doesn't mean there’s no be straight. reason to celebrate. JM
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A MILE IN HER HEELS BuzzFeed videos depicting men doing traditionally "feminine” activities is like comparing apples and oranges: useless. By Gabriela Riccardi : Illustration by Will Smith
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BITCH Newly #trending on BuzzFeed and sure to follow on other share–y, linked–out, click– collecting sites like Upworthy and Elite Daily: Men do things that women usually do, like put on makeup, so they can understand what it’s like to be a lady, #OMG. These pieces take one of two paths: One points toward the laughs, like in videos such as the recent “Watch What Happens When Men Try Pop Star Makeup For The First Time.” With nothing new or fresh here, the comedy operates on a tried–and– true trope—it’s funny because the guys are playing gals, demeaning their masculine selves by becoming “weak” women. It’s got all the gags: peppy, punchy music, powders in absurd hues, melodramatic winces and
ladyhood into laughs: the serious take, where men try to gain personal insight into our gendered social expectations. Look, for instance, at a recent story in which one man wore makeup for less than a week and reported back with the results. They can be summarized as, “Uh, maybe it’s comfortable for other people, but I didn’t quite get there. Super glad I can wash it off now.” Though often brimming with mea culpa, these kinds of pieces don’t accomplish much in serving as the window to womanhood or grappling with the realities of gender inequality. If you're looking for a revelation, why not spend a day getting catcalled because of your made-up face or buy your products with a 33 percent pay cut instead?
EVEN WHEN ISSUES OF GENDER ARE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, MEN SOMEHOW STILL SPEAK FOR WOMEN. squints as foreign tools brush up on the The only surface–skating conclusion that dudes. “Do I feel good that I make the best these types of stories come away with is that, woman out of these four men?” one asks. wow, men are #blessed. “I’ll get back to you on that.” At their worst, these gimmicks make a That’s just one of the major problems with spectacle of things that people do every day— these patronizing premises. It’s clear that they and at their best, we get a few cheap laughs, amplify the gap between what is acceptable and nothing is learned or accomplished. for women and what is acceptable for men, What we take from these men doing “lady” and we can definitely infer which side is better stuff, whether it’s to prompt the laughs or to stand on. They also stigmatize femininity take down the patriarchy, is that even when for the guys who might not subscribe to the issues of gender are taken seriously, men superiority of being a bro. Not only is the somehow still speak for women. And what joke on women who wear makeup, but it they have to say can often miss the point. also makes men who might be drawn to Katy Want to find out what it’s like to be a Perry glitter shadow our public punchline. woman with real female issues? Here’s a The other path that these pieces head novel concept: read a female writer’s work down may be even worse than turning instead. JM JERK
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IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY For many students, government-funded community college tuition isn’t the answer. By Casby Bias : Illustration by Hannah Moore In January, President Barack Obama proposed a new plan that would make the first two years of community college free for students—as long as they keep their grades up. He said he is tired of seeing students unable to access higher education simply because they can’t afford it. And yeah, it’s a nice idea, but don’t be fooled: This plan won't work. Obama is right that finances should not be an issue—everyone should have access to education at a reasonable price. But for a lot of students pursuing two-year degrees, money isn’t the problem. At least not in California, where, according to The Washington Post, two-thirds of community college students receive waivers. Look how well that system is working out: The Institute for Higher Education Leadership & Policy reports that after a six-year period, 70 percent of California's community college students had not completed a degree. Only 15 percent were still enrolled. California Community Colleges Student Success Task Force reports that 70 to 90 percent of first-time California community college students who sat down and took assessment tests needed remediation in math and English. About 50 to 75 percent of the same students failed to meet educational goals in math alone. That’s a lot
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of people not passing. A free ride does not mean that students will do well in community college. Money isn't the cause of high dropout rates; it's confusing curriculums. Seventy-nine percent of California’s 11th–grade students fail to test as “college ready.” The same students can’t be expected to look at collegelevel content and understand it. They didn't understand this shit in high school. I'll use myself as an example. I went to college with a full-tuition scholarship, but I remember that during my senior year of my undergraduate degree, no matter how hard I worked, I struggled. I even failed a class. I felt stupid. Every time I raised my hand I swear the professor threw me a disgusted look that, to me, read, “Oh goodness, why is your hand up?” All the free money in the world isn’t going to magically make your professor cut you some slack or give you the skills to pass your classes. To compete in today’s job market, a college degree is important, but as most Millennials know, a degree does not guarantee you a job after graduation. The idea that greater access to community college increases the opportunity to earn a degree before entering the workforce certainly holds water. In a recent
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Georgetown study, researchers found that by 2020, 65 percent of jobs will require post– secondary education and training. But even now that might not be enough, as more and more students flock back to school to get their master's and doctorate degrees. For graduates at any level, it’s becoming harder to say, “I’m done.” Overhead costs that come with attending college still present a huge challenge to students even if the government pays their way. Wait, before you say, "Aw, that's not true. How could finances still be an issue?" Think about this: Just because you have enough money to pay off two years' worth of community college tuition—key word: tuition—doesn’t mean it pays off the rest of your expenses. What if you can't stay near campus? Will your travel expenses be taken care of? Uh, nope. Many students have children and if they can’t afford a sitter, they're out of luck. Students can’t be expected to take their kids to class with them. “By proposing this, [President Obama] is taking the position that investing in education is an important public good,” says Kristi Andersen, a political science professor in the Maxwell School of
Citizenship and Public Affairs. “We should be doing more of it, as a society, rather than increasingly privatizing access to higher education and making it less affordable.” However, Andersen thinks this is the wrong way to support community college students, who often need help with transportation and childcare, for example, in addition to tuition. Another one of her worries is the possibility that the policy will produce big increases in community college enrollment as a result of state legislators cutting funding for colleges and universities. This would produce bigger classes taught by fewer faculty members, decrease services for students, and make it harder for students to complete their programs. In fact, the Public Policy Institute of California reports that since 2008, courses, instructors, and staff have all been reduced in California community colleges. With all the government’s money going toward student free rides rather than paying professors, who is going to teach you to be competitive in society then? Throwing money at a problem won't always solve it. If Obama wants to pursue a plan like this, he needs to consider other costs as well. Just saying. JM
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WAZE OF LIFE
Apps with cop–tracking features help occasional speeders, not killers. By Eugene Lanzoni : Illustration by Ryan Brondolo
Everyone has their own method for avoiding speeding tickets. There are the nervous brakers who can spot a speed trap from a mile away, the diplomats who think they can talk their way out of any offense, and even the Boy Scouts who refuse to speed in the first place. But there’s one element that all of these methods have in common: They’re all single–player sports. Motorists have always been on their own in the endless war against speed traps and ticket quotas—not anymore. Enter Waze, a traffic navigation service from Google that has recently
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seen a massive rise in popularity. The app is 50 million users strong. Waze uses crowdsourcing to provide users with realtime updates about traffic patterns, road hazards, and most importantly, police whereabouts. Teamwork is the name of the game with Waze, and most of the app’s alerts are provided by users. “Nothing can beat real people working together,” is a quote that a “real” person approved to appear on the Waze website. Pretty inspiring, right? But one group of people isn’t all that inspired by Waze and its groundbreaking
BITCH kumbaya ad campaign: the police force. Law enforcement officials have made a big stink about the safety implications of tracking its officers and releasing that information for public consumption—in this case, information from the public, by the public, and for the public. They’ve requested that Google executives remove Waze’s coptracking function altogether, and they point to recent cop-killer Ismaaiyl Brinsley as a prime example of the dangers Waze poses. Brinsley used the app in the weeks before murdering Brooklyn cops Wenjin Liu and Rafael Ramos in their police vehicle on Dec. 20, but there is no proof that he specifically used it to locate his two victims. Then again, when has lack of evidence ever deterred a
enforcement’s case. In light of recent controversial killings, like those of Michael Brown and Eric Garner, the public is unlikely to give law enforcement the benefit of the doubt on this issue. People no longer see a cop and think John Mcclane from Die Hard, they think Alonzo Harris from Training Day. Simply put, law enforcers have lost the trust of many of the people they are supposed to protect and serve. Waze could be viewed as a means of restoring some of that trust, but it’s doubtful. At the same time, this app can’t be that useful for prospective cop killers. Finding cops is already pretty simple without the use of unreliable crowdsourced stalking. 911 might as well be victims-ondemand for cop killers.
POLICE OFFICERS MAY BE PUBLIC SERVANTS, BUT THAT FACT ALONE DOESN’T WARRANT THE KIND OF BIG-BROTHER TREATMENT THAT WAZE OFFERS. cop from, for example, searching a car or stopping someone on the street? Sorry, that was a low blow. Honestly, policemen don’t get enough respect for their resourcefulness. Take for example the Miami Police Department: an NBC affiliate in southern Florida recently reported that Miami cops have been attempting to sabotage the Waze app by posting bogus information. That’s thinking outside the box. The MPD could have combatted Waze by lawyering up and complaining a lot, but instead they made things interesting and went full troll, because teamwork is all well and good until players start tanking. As hilariously ingenious as these guerilla tactics are, they’re not really helping law
Despite the dubious utility of Waze for aspiring cop killers, law enforcement complaints about Waze have some validity. Police officers may be public servants, but that fact alone doesn’t warrant the kind of big-brother treatment that Waze offers. Lord knows the reverse—government tracking of private citizens—would cause understandable public outrage. However, because it’s unlikely that Waze is violating the law, and because sympathy for law enforcement is currently sympathy for the devil, Waze will probably continue to operate in its bizarro–Orwellian, moral–gray area for the foreseeable future. So speed traps, beware! Motorists, unite! Nothing can beat real people working together! JM
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One Small Step The new state-enforced sexual assault policy will not change Syracuse University's handbook, but it may educate and inform survivors. By Anna Merod : Photography by Sam Maller
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SMUT Ellie Freeman was hanging out with her friends. It was a Thursday night. She didn’t plan to drink, but her friends encouraged her to take just one shot of alcohol. When Freeman agreed to drink that first shot, one friend offered to give her a shot of his homemade cinnamon vodka that he stored in mason jars in his room. “I knew one shot wasn’t going to do anything,” Freeman says. “We were pretty close friends, so I thought nothing of it.” Freeman blacked out for parts of the night after drinking just that one shot of homemade alcohol. When she wanted to go back to her dorm, the friend who gave her his homemade alcohol walked her back. He then sexually assaulted her. The next morning, Freeman woke up in her room naked. While in shock, she tried to piece back the events of the prior night, which lingered as fuzzy memories in her head. A close friend from home called and told her that Freeman had called her the night before, just after the perpetrator left the room. Freeman had confided in her friend and told her that she had just been sexually assaulted. “The one thing that helped me to not question myself in the morning was that call,” Freeman says. She didn’t go to the hospital to test her body for traces of date rape drugs, but it was pretty clear to her that her assaulter had drugged her. “I knew to my core that I was drugged by him,” Freeman says. In January of 2015, Gov. Andrew Cuomo announced that he had proposed legislation to expand the “yes means yes” affirmative consent law in sexual assault cases to private colleges and universities in New York State. New York’s public universities adopted the “yes means yes” law in December, shortly after Gov. Jerry Brown
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signed the first “yes means yes” law requirements for all college sexual assault judicial cases in California. Cuomo’s bill would require both partners to give clear, unambiguous, and voluntary consent before sexual activity takes place. The bill would also give immunity to survivors for drug and alcohol violations if they report a sexual assault to their college. Cuomo’s proposal will not change Syracuse University’s current sexual assault policy because SU already has an affirmative consent law, according to the consent section of the 2014–2015 Sexual and Relationship Violence Resource Guide for Syracuse University Students. Despite SU’s affirmative consent policy, few students report campus assaults. In 2013, only one report of rape, two reports of sodomy, six reports of sexual assault with an object, and seven reports of fondling were reported to Syracuse University, according to the school’s 2014 Clery Act report. A 2008 study funded by the National Institute of Justice and the Bureau of Justice Statistics found that more than 35 percent of sexual assault victims did not report the incident because they were unsure about whether or not a crime was committed or harm was intended. Laura Dunn, the executive director and founder of SurvJustice, a national non– profit aimed to increase justice for sexual assault survivors in both college and federal institutions, believes the “yes means yes” tagline and policies can help increase the number of reports of sexual assault on college campuses. “A lot of survivors tend not to report even when something bad has happened because they don’t have enough proof or because they were too drunk,” Dunn says. She adds that affirmative consent makes it easier for survivors to identify sexual
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A collage of photographs of family and friends stands next to recent sketches and drawings on Ellie Freeman's desk in her South Campus apartment. Freeman uses art as a way to help her keep a positive mindset.
assault and makes them aware that there is a process to report the incident. “Yes means yes” also says that the evidence survivors have to present in a judicial case or report is lack of consent.
Freeman believes that no matter what sexual consent policy is in place, some people will still feel too afraid to report their case. If she had known about SU’s affirmative consent policy, Freeman might
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SMUT have had an easier time reporting her cases to authorities right after they happened. “For me, it would have been enough,” she says, “mostly because I would have known it’s not my fault. That would have helped me.” Specifically adopting a “yes means yes” tagline at SU was also an important point for members of THE General Body, a student coalition on the university's campus that staged an 18–day sit–in in CrouseHinds Hall last semester. During the sit–in, the student coalition created a 43–page list of concerns and demands for the administration. One of these demands was the addition of a “yes means yes” tagline to SU’s current consent policy. In the administration’s response to THE General Body’s list, they said SU would adopt the tagline by the fall 2015 semester. They claimed the change could not occur sooner because they didn't want to confuse students by changing the policy once the school year had already begun. But last year, when Freeman was assaulted, there were no official government policies or frequent conversations in the media about “yes means yes” and the affirmative consent policies on college campuses that come up so frequently now. The second time Freeman was sexually assaulted that semester, she was with a stranger that she met at DJ’s on the Hill during an 18–and–over night. But this time, Freeman blacked out at the bar after drinking earlier in the night in her dorm with friends. She left the bar with the new acquaintance without her friends’ knowledge. The two went to Freeman’s room, which lead to the second incident. Freeman barely remembers what her second assaulter looked like, but she knows his name because her friends saw him as he was leaving Freeman's room and asked
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him who he was. Freeman has not reported either of the sexual assault incidents to SU. She chose not to report the first assault because she and her assaulter have many mutual friends, he was a well-liked guy, and she
“I WISH I REPORTED HIM. I DO ACTUALLY WISH THAT I WENT THROUGH WITH EVERYTHING, BUT IN REALITY, AT THE TIME IT JUST WASN’T AN OPTION FOR ME.” —ELLIE FREEMAN didn’t think anyone would believe her. She also believes that the process of reporting an incident soon after it happens is very emotionally draining. "I wish I reported him. I do actually wish that I went through with everything, but in reality, at the time it just wasn't an option for me," Freeman says. This fall, Freeman learned that her first assaulter and former friend was no longer enrolled as a student at SU. She also found out that he had sexually assaulted another student in the same way he had sexually assaulted her. Freeman did not go to the hospital after either incident. She did not think she had enough physical proof to make a case. She was afraid that if she reported either case,
SMUT she would be blamed for her assaults “You’re allowing them to overcome the because she was drinking. She did not obstacles they have to face.” want to get in trouble with the university Morse adds that the policy only requires for underage drinking. education on affirmative consent during But students who are sexually assaulted freshman orientation and stresses that while using drugs or alcohol have immunity education on sexual consent should go with SU when they include that detail in a beyond one session. In fact, Morse thinks report, explains Cynthia Maxwell Curtin, the policy should require a mandatory SU’s Title IX coordinator, in an email. class on affirmative sexual consent for all During a judicial case, the university will university students. use a preponderance of evidence standard Freeman stresses the importance of for the case, which means that the person students, particularly men, reaching out to or accuser filing the report will be given the specific groups on campus that can educate upper hand over the person accused of them on affirmative consent laws and sexual assault. sexual assault survivors’ experiences. Freeman was unaware that SU’s sexual “They can be connected to rape assault policies tend to rule in favor of the survivors,” Freeman says. “And if it’s in sexual assault survivor. Looking back, she their mind and they think about it, and they wishes that she saw a poster or bulletin also know about the ‘yes means yes’ policy, board in her freshman dorm with I feel like they’re going to, hopefully, have definitions of affirmative consent at SU and that in the back of their head when they’re the rights survivors have in judicial cases out or at a party.” on campus. Had the school made Freeman Almost a year after both of her sexual more aware of its policies, she might have assaults occurred, Freeman is learning to been more inclined to report her case. embrace her identity as a survivor rather “Someone who has just been sexually than a victim. She joined the Girl Code assaulted is not going to be reading all the Movement this year and works as a handbooks because that just brings member on the social media team to everything up again,” she says. increase awareness and find statistics and But the “yes means yes” tagline and facts about sexual assault. She also plans policy is a good start toward encouraging to attend weekly meetings with the new survivors to report their cases because it Sexual Assault Recovery Group under the brings awareness to the school’s consent Office of Health Promotions, which began policies. Although it's a good start, Junior meeting on Feb. 9. Morse, a sexual assault prevention Though she still doesn’t plan to report educator for Vera House, believes either case, Freeman feels comfortable campuses that stand by the “yes means sharing her story because she wants to yes” policy need to widely advertise the give other survivors hope. She wants to policy—it cannot exist exclusively within inspire them to reach out to a friend or handbooks if the school wants to encourage another resource for help. Sharing her more survivors to report. story has helped her heal. “In a sense, advertising the policy gives "Telling my story helps me feel power and control back to the person who empowered. I feel like I own it now, instead went through the assault,” Morse says. of it owning me," she says. JM
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SHAMROCK BLOCK By Erika Haas : Photography by Sam Maller
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A packed house crowds Coleman's Authentic Irish Pub during Tipperary Hill's annual Green Beer Sunday, which features Coleman's signature beer.
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The exterior of Coleman's Authentic Irish Pub features a statue of founder Peter Coleman.
Rather than waiting for that one day a year to don a green shirt and throw back a pint— or several—students can head to Tipperary Hill, Syracuse’s historic Irish community. It may not be Tipperary, Ireland, but you don't have to cross the Atlantic to encounter green, white, and orange flags, authentic pubs, and Irish hospitality. Open since 1933, Coleman’s is the authentic Irish pub. It harbors all the details of Celtic heritage—including a miniature door and phone booth to accommodate the occasional leprechaun. The dark wood, dim lighting, and various knickknacks adorning the walls create a quaint pub atmosphere. The menu boasts traditional Irish dishes including fish n’ chips, shepherd’s pie, and corned beef and cabbage. Coleman’s also offers various 34 4.15
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beers, which are stocked behind the large wooden bar that claims the center of the room. Customers can also enjoy brewsky flavoring in their food with the Guinness beef stew, burger, or onion rings. While Coleman’s has plenty of beer, its selection doesn't quite match that of Brilbeck’s Corner Market. Brilbeck’s opened in 1961 as a butcher shop and now specializes in craft beers. “The beer part was a natural fit for the Tipperary Hill area,” owner Scott Purdy says. The store itself may be small, but the selection is huge with its 450 different kinds of beer. Double chocolate, raspberry, strawberry, cherry, creme brûlée, chocolate orange, pumpkin, and banana bead—yes, there is such a thing as banana bread beer—are just a few of the options. For
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Two iconic telephone booths outside of Coleman's.
Brilbeck's is known for its diverse and extensive beer collection and claims to have the best selection in Syracuse.
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Michael Wittwer eyes the shelves at Brilbeck's before he begins restocking after a busy weekend.
those who are less adventurous, Brilbeck's still stocks classics like Budweiser, Labatt, and Miller. Hidden within the Irish community, beyond all the beer, is the Ss. Peter and Paul Russian Orthodox Church. Inside the ornate building, strokes of blue, red, and gold cover the walls and domed ceiling. Red candles glow in the front of the room. The burning incense fills the tiny space with an earthy, comforting scent. You don't have to be Orthodox, or even religious, to feel a part part of this family. The parish, which will turn 100 years old in 2016, welcomes everyone and anyone to attend weekly liturgies and their Sunday coffee hour following service. For 40 years, member Thomas Dotterer has attended service at the Ss. Peter and
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Paul. Now, his son and grandchildren are members of the church. Three generations of the Dotterer family worship within its majestic walls. “It’s home to me,” the grandfather, Thomas says. His son, Henry, says it was the tight–knit feeling and family atmosphere which attracted his father to the church four decades ago. Tipperary Hill is also home to the only “upside down” traffic light in the U.S. According to Coleman’s, in the 1920s three Irish kids insisted that “British” red could not go above “Irish” green. They repeatedly broke the original traffic light until the town permanently changed it to its “upside down” state. Family, history, spirit, and beer all in one place—talk about the luck of the Irish. JM
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Ss. Peter and Paul Russian Orthodox Church on Hamilton Street is known for its stunning architecture.
The famous stoplight at the intersection of Tompkins Street and Milton Avenue in the Tipperary Hill neighborhood of Syracuse.
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ALL STAR follow the lead of designers like alexander wang and stella mccartney by mixing sportsi n s p i r e d p i e c e s w i t h e v e r y day w e a r .
Stylist: Annika Downs, Chazz Inniss Photographer: Renee Zhou Makeup Artist: Jaleh Kermani Models: Jaleh Kermani, Rajon Enoch
JALEH Choker: River Island $18; Dress: River Island $60; Sneakers: Nike $130.
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JALEH Jacket: Glamorous $60; Pencil Skirt: ASOS $41; Bra: Phat Buddha, Shopbop $55; Heels: River Island $100.
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RAJON Shirt: Zara $18; Joggers: ASOS $52; Cap: Zara $20.
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RAJON Jacket: Manastash, Urban Outfitters $99; Hoodie: Old Navy $17. JALEH Sports Bra: MICHI, Shopbop $85; Skirt: Vesper, ASOS $59; Jacket: Zara $99.
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JALEH Jacket: Glamorous $60; Sports Bra: Nike $35.
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RAJON Bomber Jacket: Zara $46; Baseball Jersey: ASOS $16; Joggers: ASOS $52. JALEH Shirt: Brave Soul, ASOS $28; Pants: Zara $59.90; Heels: River Island $100; Sports Bra Nike $35.
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GAWK JALEH Bra: Phat Buddha, Shopbop $55; Joggers: BDG, Urban Outfitters $39; Jacket: Glamorous $60; Sneakers: Nike $130.
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JALEH Dress: Express $59.50.
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Top It Off If you like it then you should put a lid on it. Photography by Renee Zhou
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2 1 / Printed (a) Brands that do it best: New Era, RVCA, Neff (b) How to wear it: Use this as the centerpiece of your outfit and tone everything else down. (c) What it says about you: "I like to live on the wild side."
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2 / Quilted
(a) Brands that do it best: Stussy, Madewell, Barbour (b) How to wear it: Flip it to give your look a nice quilted touch. (c) What it says about you: "Skater boy to skater chic in just one trick."
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4 / Leather
(a) Brands that do it best: Ed Hardy, Zara, Roxy
(a) Brands that do it best: American Apparel, Acne Studios, Moschino
(b) How to wear it: Pair this with a sleek bomber jacket for a cool, sporty statement. (c) What it says about you: "I frequent Da Club, but I'm still classier than you."
(b) How to wear it: Backward for that dominant edge. (c) What it says about you: "BDSM: Best Damn Statement Made."
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Streaming Brooks A detestation of Spotify led Syracuse University senior Ian Brooks on a journey to preserve the integrity of music in the digital era. Introducing soos: the streaming service hipsters have dreamed of for years.
By Nikki Blaylock : Photography by Zane Ludvigsen Let’s take it back to high school. You’re at your friend’s birthday party at the local bowling alley. Just as you roll that handpicked, six–pound, pink and purple ball down the aisle and watch it bounce back and forth between the bumpers, you start to hear a familiar song come on. It’s by your favorite band, Boys Like Girls. You start jammin’ out. You freaking love this song. A quick look around the room quickly makes it apparent that you’re the only one who knows it—it’s never been on the radio before. You become convinced that you were the first person to hear Boys Like Girls, before they were cool. And now everyone is about to know them. If only you could be rewarded for hearing about this band before anybody else. Your musical tastes have adapted
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immensely since your ninth grade obsession with Boys Like Girls, but some tunes will always pump you up just as much as “Heels Over Head” did back then. Music is essential to the fabric of society— probably a close second to Chipotle's burrito bowls. We love it. We debate about it. We get satisfaction from knowing a song that no one else does. But our passion for music often goes unrewarded, despite all of our generation’s technological advances. We can stream our favorite new artists endlessly, but we don’t reap any benefits. Often times, neither does the artist. Musicians spend their lives creating music for the personal pleasure of their listeners, but the current business model for artists releasing music in the digital era is flawed. No wonder T–Swift decided to pull her
NOISE tracks from Spotify. Music-streaming services continue to grant us full access to entire catalogs of albums and songs without properly compensating the creators of said content. Our favorite musicians work in studios for hours on end to record new music for us to devour, but it’s unclear to the untrained eye whether they actually benefit when a song reaches 100 million plays on a streaming service. With the current model, they don’t. Artists pocket only 10 percent of the streaming revenue from these apps and websites. But, logically speaking, they deserve that money. It’s time for somebody to join #TeamArtist and save these talented musicians from drowning in their streams. Enter: Syracuse University student Ian Brooks, 21. Brooks, a musician himself, has found a way to contribute to the evolving ecosystem of music and technology. With the creation of soos—deriving from the Spanish word sus, meaning “their”— Brooks is crafting a “music-streaming app that’s better for artists and more socially interactive for users,” he says. It may sound simple, but the app will be the first of its kind. As we’ve all come to know, music is a collective experience, meant to be shared at parties, gatherings, road trips, and so on. But sometimes, creating a playlist that will successfully appeal to all the backseat drivers can turn out to be near impossible. Brooks plans to solve this problem with soos. The app will feature a user experience based on the varying musical preferences of a group of people. Soos compares users’ music libraries to develop a social listening experience. So your roommate loves country music, but you’re a hardcore Jay–Z fan? No problem. Gone are arguments between friends over disparate tastes; with soos, everyone will be able to hear music
from an array of artists while discovering what their friends like. Brooks also designed soos to “honor and verify fans based on play counts, creating fandom levels of bronze, silver, and gold,” he says. Listeners are rewarded based on their loyalty to certain musicians and if they discover artists prior to maximum exposure. For those who secretly love being the first to listen to an artist or band before they begin their ascent from the underground, this part of the app is for you. On soos, musicians will even be able to view a list of their top fans and choose to release more content to them for marketing and promotional purposes. For instance, a gold-star fan could hear their favorite band’s next new single well before it gets released to the public. Soos will finally get you the bragging rights you’ve always deserved. Brooks, a Bandier and advertising student, came up with idea for soos about a year ago. While he was in Los Angeles with the Syracuse University Los Angeles program, professors and industry leaders backed Brooks with their support and helped him develop the idea. He rounded out his team, hiring user experience designer Yulia Gorman and sustainable developer Kyle Marcus. Brooks’s journey began when he acknowledged the problematic trends in music streaming nowadays: that Pandora is essentially just a curated playlist and that Spotify’s system of media access does not pay artists well enough. Soos fills the vacuum that these services leave and is a means to support artistic endeavors by providing musicians with a feasible income from streaming. For Brooks, it's all about putting the control back into artists' hands. He is dedicated to removing the middleman from the equation and instead going directly to
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NOISE the artistic source when allocating royalties. “This won't affect the big, successful artists,” says Sean Branagan, director at the Newhouse Center for Digital Media Entrepreneurship, who has been an instrumental contributor in developing Brooks’s idea. Established artists don’t need to attract revenue via streaming, because they can earn enough cash
"THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE FOR A NEW BUSINESS MODEL. THE NUMBER ONE GOAL IS NOT TO MAKE SHAREHOLDERS MORE MONEY.” —IAN BROOKS elsewhere. The idea is targeted more at the little guy who we all know and love. “For up-and-coming artists, this is a chance to own a piece of the rock, to participate in owning the mechanisms of success,” Branagan says. Brooks comes from a family of innovators, thinkers, and business owners who have encouraged his curiosity and propensity to constantly ask “what if?” The Internet has also encouraged this inclination, as it makes entrepreneurship more accessible. In the age of startups and Kickstarter, building a business is more about finding solutions to existing problems, moving
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ideas, and pushing culture forward, than it is about becoming a millionaire. The soos team is set to deliver a service that “competes with big players like Spotify with an appeal to the artists, first,” Branagan says. “Then, that same appeal translates into loyalty—almost [like] a fan club—for listeners,” he continues. “Soos is a streaming music app that has a unique business model that fits a market need." This need has been lingering since the advent of the Internet, way back when we were all still navigating our way around the world on all fours. During the infancy of digital file sharing, music lovers ditched physical albums and latched onto software like LimeWire, Napster, and Rhapsody—services that were attractive to consumers due to their low or nonexistent costs, but essentially worth nothing to artists. Record companies were left with a major headache upon realizing that there was no real revenue coming in from these downloads. With the introduction of companies such as Pandora in 2000 and Spotify in 2008, listeners gained the means to fulfill their online music desires, and could financially contribute with subscriptions. But before we present accolades, one major problem still looms in the industry: While record companies receive their royalties from streaming services, the artists are still missing the compensation they have earned. The online radio model lacks the transparency of traditional radio, in which musicians are paid by rotation. “This is the right time and place for a new business model,” Brooks says. “The number one goal is not to make shareholders more money.” Instead, the app aims to set standards that will appease artists and fans alike. Things are changing every day for soos, as
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Ian Brooks sits in his creative space, which includes an acoustic guitar and a whiteboard.
it follows the teetering path of the digital music landscape, but Brooks’s team is moving ahead with plans to pitch a working prototype to investors. Brooks has the talent, drive, and passion to be successful. “If he's right, he will be taking on the big players in this new digital music streaming space with a dramatically different business model,” Branagan says. This streaming service will reinvent the digital music industry by putting the artist first, while keeping the listeners in mind. Brooks has had a lot of encouragement from industry leaders in LA—including one Grammy writer who thinks that soos is a ”fucking brilliant idea.”
The app’s biggest competitor will be Spotify, but Brooks isn't too worried about losing steam. It's about focus and “moving [as] fast as possible to ensure the idea picks up [enough] momentum to change how music business is done,” Brooks says. Similar to Spotify, soos will be available with advertisements for free or ad-free for paying subscribers. Brooks will graduate in May after taking a 24–credit semester and founding a startup that has been recognized by executives and investors spanning both coasts. With such a positive outlook on the treatment of both artists and users, we can’t help but to cheer on soos all the way to the App store. JM
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Trail Blazin' “Four–twenty” didn’t always signal a day filled with drug rugs and peace signs—the term was part of the legal code that cops used to refer to weed smoking in the 70s. Our favorite little green bud has come a long way since, both in use and in legislation.
Step by Step In 2014, New York State legalized marijuana for medical use. Rejoice! But you might have noticed that there’s no dispensary where you can drop by and pick up a prescription to ease your “glaucoma.” We talked to Clifton Carden, attorney at law, about the rocky road to legalization in New York State. Since the law just passed, it might take a considerable amount of time before dispensaries get the go-ahead. There’s a lot to work through before doctors can start writing prescriptions. And once these dispensaries do open, don’t think that a toke will all of a sudden warrant no consequences. Laws already exist in the New York state penal code to punish driving under the influence of drugs. Carden says that these laws won’t change just because marijuana has been legalized for medicinal use. It’s just going to take some training for those enforcing these laws and some getting used to on our end of things. “A lot of people are going to think one joint equals one beer, and those are the problems I anticipate with the drinking and driving and the drugged driving situations, especially for young people,” Carden says. But it’s not all bad. The bricks are already being laid. “If I am to make a prediction,” he says, “I think New York is heading toward legalization and that the first step was authorizing use for medicinal purposes.” He thinks that Vermont will still beat us there, but that the precedent set by them when and if they pass marijuana legislation for recreational use will aid in its getting passed here. Washington, Oregon, and Alaska are in pretty close quarters, relatively speaking. So maybe the marijuana smoke will drift over to the East Coast soon.
"I THINK NEW YORK IS HEADING TOWARD LEGALIZATION." Due to foreign relations and border patrol issues, Carden doesn’t foresee the legalization of marijuana at the federal level happening any time soon. For now, it’s up to each state how far they take marijuana legislation, if they decide to address the issue at all. So far, 23 states have passed laws legalizing marijuana in any manner—New York State included. Thanks, Gov. Cuomo.
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baking baked We all know the 4/20 staple edibles: firecrackers and brownies. This year, expand your edible horizons and bring the holiest day of the year to a whole new level. All of your favorite foods can be enhanced with the help of one secret ingredient: THC oil. Follow this recipe guide from The Stoner's Cookbook. for the classiest 4/20 ever.
PURPLE KUSH CAKE
THC OIL
6 cups olive oil or canola oil 1 ounce cannabis buds, finely ground OR 2 ounces trimmed leaf, dried and ground 1. Heat the oil in a saucepan over a light flame. Add the ground cannabis little by little until each piece is coated in oil. Simmer on a low heat for 45 minutes, stir occasionally. 2. Allow the mixture to cool after the cooking is complete. Use a metal strainer to separate the cannabis from the oil. If necessary, you can use a metal spoon to squeeze the excess oil from the cannabis. For best use, store in an airtight container for up to two months.
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"I ate a calzone that felt like it never entered my stomach, but instead permeated throughout my skin."
他 cup THC oil 1 box chocolate cake mix 3 eggs 2 cups cold milk 1 16-ounce tub Betty Crocker Rich & Creamy vanilla frosting 1 drop each red and blue food dye 1. Prepare the cake following the instructions on the box, but substitute THC oil for vegetable oil. 2. While the cake is baking, use the food dye to blend the perfect shade of purple icing. 3. After the cake is cool, ice and decorate it.
"It [the weed] was definitely laced. I was on the south bus and I thought the guy sitting behind me was a Cheez-It who wanted to eat me."
GANJA NACHOS
1 large sweet onion 1 green tomato 2 red tomatoes 1 jalapeño pepper 2 cloves garlic, minced 3 tablespoons light beer (think Corona, not Keystone) 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice 3 tablespoons THC oil 6 ounces tortilla chips 1 cup shredded Monterey Jack 1 ripe avocado, diced 1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. 2. Chop tomatoes, onion, and jalapeños. Blend vegetables with the garlic, beer, lemon juice, and THC oil in a blender or food processor. Pulse three times. Mixture should be chunky. 3. Place the chips in one layer on the baking sheet. Cover the chips with cheese and the THC oil mixture. 4. Bake for 5-10 minutes or until the cheese has melted. 5. Remove from oven and top with avocado.
RASTA PASTA
1 cup THC oil 1 box of your favorite pasta 1/2 cup chopped leeks 3 cloves garlic, minced 2 large bell peppers, chopped 1 cup mushrooms, diced 1/2 cup sundried tomatoes, sliced 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese 1/2 cup parmesean cheese, shredded 1/2 teaspoon dried basil salt 1. Boil water in a saucepan. Cook the pasta, strain it, toss it with olive oil and set it aside. 2. Put 1/2 cup of THC oil in a sauce pan over a medium flame. Warm it, then sautée leeks for 8 minutes. Add peppers and garlic—sautée for 5 minutes. Add mushrooms and sautée for an additional 5 minutes. 3. Toss the pasta with the sautéed vegetables, cheeses, basil, salt and sundried tomatoes and give it a stir.
"One time we smoked over the summer and my friend said, 'I wish we had watermelon,' and we all started moaning cause that's all we wanted. When we opened the fridge there was a bowl of watermelon chunks and it was glowing. I had to step away from the fridge for a second because I was on the brink of tears. It was so beautiful. It was the best watermelon I've ever had."
puffs vs. cuffs
legalized for
legalized for
recreational use
medical use
1996 California passes Proposition 215, legalizing marijuana use for medicinal purposes.
2015
2012 Washington and Colorado approve marijuana for recreational use.
2000–2011 Many states, including New York, decriminalize marijuana use.
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not legalized
Marijuana use legalized recreationally in Alaska and Washington, D.C.
2014 Oregon legalizes recreational marijuana use.
toke to this We asked SU stoners to let us know what they like to get high to. Here are the most popular answers. You might take your peers' preferences into account when you’re sitting on your couch helplessly searching for something to take your mind off the high this 4/20.
tv
music
movies
ADVENTURE TIME BOB’S BURGERS THAT '70S SHOW SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
DRAKE J. COLE PINK FLOYD DAVE MATTHEWS BAND
INCEPTION PINEAPPLE EXPRESS ACROSS THE UNIVERSE DAZED & CONFUSED
HONORABLE MENTIONS: RICK AND MORTY THE OFFICE
HONORABLE MENTIONS: ARCADE FIRE THE BEATLES
HONORABLE MENTIONS: PULP FICTION HALF–BAKED
YOUR FAVORITE GENRES: CARTOONS COMEDY
YOUR FAVORITE GENRES: RAP / HIP HOP EDM
YOUR FAVORITE GENRES: DOCUMENTARIES PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLERS
"I was so high I cried when I started eating Goldfish because I thought I was murdering them." "One time we were so satisfied by the sound of my friend eating toast, we decided not to go out."
"I once stole a Slim Jim from Walmart because I was mad hungry. I slid it up my longsleeve all black ops, and then freaked out because I thought the manager was tailing me. I made it out safe and enjoyed the shit out of that Slim Jim."
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REWIND
MEAN
GIRLS Eleven years later, and Gretchen is still trying to make “fetch” happen.
By Remington Bennett : Illustration by Frances Matos Get in, loser—we’re watching Mean Girls. In 2004, Regina invited Cady to sit with her at lunch for audiences of teen girls nationwide. Since then, we haven’t heard much from the Plastics. Rumors flew on the Internet about a Mean Girls reunion last year after a fan-made most important dates into the real world as trailer for the “event” came out on YouTube. if they were actual holidays. Wearing pink on But in reality, maybe it deserves to be a Wednesdays is a real commitment for some standalone film. Mean Girls is one of those die-hard fans. Oct. 3 has become an unofficial movies that shouldn’t have a sequel because holiday in rememberance of that time Aaron the original was so unreachably fantastic. Samuels asked Cady what day it was. In 2011, a made–for–TV Mean Girls sequel, While Glenn Coco, scathing burn books, entitled Mean Girls 2, aired once on ABC and best friends who ban you from wearing Family. Though the film got fairly strong hooped earrings may have been slightly ratings, it lacked what made the original so exaggerated, not all of it was a far cry from successful: a star-studded cast, the comedic the truth. Mean Girls was so successful genius of Tina Fey, and a coherent plot. because it brought life to issues that teenage Let’s evaluate. One of the reasons we still girls everywhere face. We related to Cady watch Mean Girls today is because it’s so Heron on personal levels: mumbling around quotable. People will shamelessly recite lines boys, eating lunch in the bathroom, or getting from Mean Girls on the fly. We’ve all greeted in way over our heads after throwing a party. our friends with “Get in loser, we’re going People may scoff at referring to Mean Girls shopping," even when we weren’t really as a “classic,” but let’s call it what it is. The going shopping. Regardless of what Regina iconic high school film still makes us giggle said, Gretchen did make “fetch” happen in even after eleven years—whether you’re a the vocabulary of everyday teenage girls. “burnout” or a “desperate wannabe.” Now, Fans have brought some of the movie’s everybody take some rubbers. JM
WE JUDGE
ALBUMS BY THEIR SINGLES. 58 4.15 • JERK
Artist
Album
Song
Release Date
Alabama Shakes
Sound & Color
"Don't Wanna Fight "
April 21
Passion Pit
Kindred
"Lifted Up (1985)"
April 21
The Mountain Goats
Beat the Champ
"The Legend of Chavo Guerrero"
April 7
Rating
ALTRUIST
PODCASTS
SNAPCHAT By Eric King
THE DEAL: The last social media app your parents don't know about, Snapchat, is bigger than ever. Three Stanford undergrads pitched the photo messaging service as “Picaboo” to a product design class and it has been blessing the screens of smartphone users since 2011. Now, it has grown to 100 million active monthly users. Yeah. THE ISSUE: Everyone who uses the app lives in fear that their nudes are going to be leaked— even if they don't send nudes. After the Snappening, or whatever the hell it’s called, when thousands of explicit Snaps were released into the wild in October, it seems like no one is safe. Also, the introduction of Snapcash, the app’s money transferring feature, is accompanied by a rise in strippers and pornstars advertising services through Snapchat. It's not the end of the world, but when so many minors use the app, it’s something to think about. THE (LARGER) ISSUE: For a long time, Snapchat served only to connect us with friends through Célfies. Without any other features, it’s just another opportunity for people to show you innocuous details of their life, something we definitely don't need more of. Selfies contribute to a growingly narcissistic generation. Snapchat is such a young platform that all of these problems can make it seem like more trouble than it’s worth. And before this year, it might have been.
THE DEFENSE: But not anymore. The quirky, little white ghost we all know and love has upgraded to a more feature-friendly version. He’s a mature app now, one you can bring home to mom. Discover, the newest feature, lets news outlets like National Geographic, Vice, and Food Network—because who doesn't love the perfect buffalo chicken salad?— share daily bite-sized videos, articles, and graphics. This follows the creation of Our Story, a kind of mass citizen journalism that Snapchat uses to cover events like the X-Games, the Je Suis Charlie marches, London Fashion Week, and the Vanity Fair Oscars Party. Some of these Stories have been viewed more than 25 million times; to put that in context, 36 million people tuned in to the Oscars this year. Despite this, the Our Story feature remains a deceptively intimate style of journalism that users can easily digest, or if they are near the event, participate in. The app is taking strides to eliminate pornography and other nudity, especially for minors. With new safety guidelines and a published guide for parents of teenage Snapchat users, the company has recommitted to enforcing its terms of use, and it seems to be working. One reporter for The New York Times tested the app, adding 30 Snapchat accounts that promised to share porn pictures, and by the next week 28 of those accounts had been shut down. Are there ways to get around this? Absolutely. But like with all social media platforms, 100 percent safe sharing does not exist. JM JERK
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AMPLIFIED
GOODKIDS Members: Giovanni “Gio” Giardina, Nick “Mazz” Mazzeo, Joe Micheletti | Active since: December 2011 | Sounds like: Kings of Leon, Band of Horses By Julia Olteanu : Photography by Madison Schleicher
Jerk Magazine: What inspired the name? Gio Giadina: You know how people say, “God, that Ben is such a good kid.” We would always say that growing up. So we said, “Let’s call ourselves Goodkids.” Not that we’re good kids, it’s more the expression—“Ah, he’s such a good kid.” JM: Why did you start the band? Nick Mazzeo: We've been in other people's bands so when we got together, it was a chance for us to write our own songs. Everything we did came out of collaboration. JM: What do you Jerk to? GG: I play "Am I a Good Man" by Them Two over and over again. I love old soul music. NM: John Lennon. Joe Micheletti: The Temptations. JM: What do you do when you're not playing music? GG: Cook food.
NM: I always try to be reading a novel, and I read and write poems. I read them more successfully than I write them.
JM: What was your most awkward moment on stage? JM: Mazz and I did a show at the Redhouse and the fire alarm went off, so all 80 people in the audience had to leave the building. We went outside and played two acoustic songs and kept it going. People were really into it. JM: What would you do if I gave you a million dollars right now? GG: I would do exactly what I’m doing right now. Just sit here and be, like, cool. JM: How would we divvy it? NM: I think we'd all quit work, pay off debts, and try to play more music. We wish that we could just get up at 10 a.m., have a cup of coffee, and go to work making a new record. GG: It'd be a lot more fun. JM
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SYNAPSE
JUST FOR LAUGHS April showers might bring May flowers, but they also bring serious depression. Yes, we have Mayfest to look forward to, but until then it can be tough to power through these weeks teeming with negative energy. Luckily, there’s plenty of entertainment coming out to keep us laughing. We guarantee something on this list can help you beat the pre– summertime sadness.
DOCUMENTARY: Monkey Kingdom Skip the sequel to Paul Blart: Mall Cop and dish out your $10.50 on this documentary from Disney Nature instead. The film, the first of its kind, follows a newborn monkey and his mother on a journey for survival in their ape kingdom in South Asia. Chin up and catch these cute creatures when they swing onto the big screen starting April 17.
ALBUM: Matt and Kim's New Glow Just because the weather outside is gloomy doesn’t mean you have to be. This month, step away from your Bright Eyes Pandora station and instead check out Matt & Kim’s New Glow. It’s impossible not to smile while listening to this pop duo drone. On April 7, get up and get ready to dance in the extra daylight we’ll have this month.
TV: The Comedians Comic icon Billy Crystal is still kickin’, and nobody can resist the voice of the lovable bundle of joy Olaf from Frozen, Josh Gad. Watch this unlikely duo team up and take over FX in a comedy sketch show. The series premieres on Thursday, April 9 at 10 p.m. to audiences who are itching for a latenight giggle.
FICTION: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda Expressing your feelings is so passé. Instead, exhaust your emotional capacity with this novel that follows a closeted 16– year–old’s struggle with coming out. Simon will leave you laughing and then crying— and then laughing again. This tale of friendship, secrets, and high school romance hits bookshelves on April 7.
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DISCOVERSYR
ALL NIGHT EGG PLANT This diner isn't open all night and it has never served eggplant, but the place is still rockin'. By Chris Unkenholz : Photography by Spencer Bodian
It’s easy to identify certain things around the university as classic Syracuse. Marshall Street, drifting snow banks, haphazardly discarded liquor bottles, and parking lanes meant to confuse anyone new to the city. Another addition to the list is All Night Egg Plant, just off Erie Boulevard, which serves up diner fare in classic Syracuse fashion. All Night Egg Plant opened its doors more than 40 years ago as the place for drunk food seekers, local high school students, and college students looking to cure weekend hangovers with breakfast comfort food. “Parents would come here when they were younger and tell their kids about it later on, making it a tradition,” explains Pamela, a waitress at All Night Egg Plant. That history is alive and well in owner Steve Coelho, who fondly remembers his days growing up in Syracuse, running a pizza shop on Marshall Street with his father, and coming back from his time in the armed forces to open All Night Egg Plant. Various pictures of the diner in its early days and a multitude of local awards litter the walls showing just how important this
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tiny diner is to the city. Wood paneling gives the diner a homey feel even for first–timers. The menu is typical diner food with breakfast, lunch, and dinner options available at all hours. Popular items include the omelettes, which have a wide variety of possible ingredients, ranging from typical peppers and onions to more eccentric toppings like peanut butter and hot chocolate. A side plate of home fries covered in hot sauce can complement any meal and provide warmth on cold Syracuse nights. The regulars at All Night Egg Plant prove their loyalty as they come every day lining up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Their dedication even weathers through the bleak Syracuse winter months. Even the players of Syracuse University men’s basketball team call it their favorite place to dine, further validating its iconic status. Coelho says that its coach, Jim Boeheim, is a particularly big fan of the open–faced steak sandwich. Though the weather may be awful this time of year, there’s nothing quite like All Night Egg Plant’s hot coffee, fresh food, and warm service to put you in a good mood. JM
DISCOVERSYR
The menu contains items that vary from exotic omelettes to milkshakes and hamburgers.
The All Night Egg Plant caters to all kinds of food lovers who enjoy a homey diner environment.
Bill Allen prepares a cheeseburger for a customer during the closing hours at the All Night Egg Plant.
All Night Egg Plant doesn't use traditional means of advertisement, but has relied on word of mouth advertising since the time of its opening.
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SPEAKEASY
NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH
Activist and ESF professor Karaline Rothwell was recently presented with an MLK Unsung Hero Award. Here, she shares her motivation to improve the local community. By Audrey Morgan : Photography by Elena Whittle
Jerk Magazine: Can you tell me about your work on the Near Westside? Karaline Rothwell: When my husband and I were looking for a house, we knew we wanted to live in an area that needed work so that we could give back to the city. Since moving in, we gradually became more involved in doing good work on the Westside to make it a better place to live. I’ve been involved with specifically the Westside Residents Coalition (WRC), which is a grassroots group of people who are interested in making the Near Westside a better place. JM: What are some other projects the Westside Residents Coalition is working on? KR: We’re trying to beautify green spaces here in the neighborhood. One of the things we started up this past summer is Adopt–A–Trashcan where a resident can adopt a normal black trashcan to have at their house. They can put it by the sidewalk so that people walking by can drop their litter into the garbage can rather than leave it on the ground. Another big thing is the WestSideWalks. For the past three years, on Saturdays we remove snow from sidewalks throughout the neighborhood. The Near Westside is a high–pedestrian community because people are not able to afford cars and it’s quite common for these people to have to walk in the street because the sidewalks are not cleared. 64 4.15• JERK
JM: What’s your favorite place in the neighborhood? KR: Skiddy Park. Some people in the neighborhood choose not to go to this park because sometimes drugs are sold there. I purposely take my 3–year–old son there because I think that everyone needs to be able to enjoy it. It shouldn’t be dominated by drug dealers. JM: Having a newborn child, are you taking a break right now, or still going at your usual speed? KR: I’ve tried to take a break. It’s not happening. We had a WestSideWalks this past Saturday to shovel. We offered a free lunch at 12:30 and I cared for all the food and made phone calls to media people. I brought my two children and it was fine. For my newborn to grow up and say, “I was only a week and a day old and my mom was taking me to a grassroots community event”— that’s pretty funny. JM: You were awarded for being an unsung hero. How does it feel now that your praises are being sung? KR: For people to be recognized for what they’re doing—especially as a volunteer— gives them more momentum. It certainly has given me more momentum, more hope, more energy to just keep doing the good work. JM
OBITCHUARY
GOOGLE GLASS CAUSE OF DEATH: Public Trial
By Thomas Beckley–Forest : Illustration by Rob Byers Google Glass was born in a wild blaze of glory. The reign of this futuristic, plastic spectacle over the cool gadget world was short but sweet, scoring him appearances on New York City’s fashion runways and the faces of awestruck world leaders. He was conceived by the mysteriously named Google X division and Sergey Brin, co– founder of Google and a certified king geek. At any given time he believed that he was only a few steps away from putting on a metal suit and flying around the country with Iron Man. His status as the golden boy of the Google Dynasty gave Brin a dangerous amount of confidence, leading him to parade Google Glass around in a place that the little guy simply wasn’t ready to be—the consumer market. It’s safe to say that Google Glass had a serious case of daddy issues. His hip and futuristic charm began to wear off once people realized that having a giant, superimposed digital picture constantly hovering in front of their faces might become dangerous when trying to, say, drive a car or fly a plane—both things that people are featured doing in Google Glass ads. It could also get annoying if you want to, say, live your life without a fucking
box of pixels hovering in front of your face. Google Glass also made the few people privileged enough to buy and wear his $1,500 prototypes inadvertently look like they’d walked off the set of the next RoboCop or Terminator sequel. Did Silicon Valley designers really think that making humans look and act like dystopian cyborgs was a worthwhile contribution to society? Google Glass certainly did. “I want to turn my brain into a Wi–Fi hotspot too,” people would say in this brave, new, post-Google Glass world. When it came to personal technology, Glass agreed that nothing was too intrusive. Google Glass finally died of complications due to what doctors believe was a fatal combination of media overexposure, unresolved technical problems, and mental stress that involved Brin leaving his wife for a fellow Google X developer. His memory lives on in advertisers’ dreams of getting as close to consumer eyes as possible. Google Glass is survived by his much more successful, younger cousin FitBit and his newborn nephew Apple Watch. They have vowed to honor his memory by annoying the public in the same way Google Glass would have: forever. JM
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CLOSET CASE
EYE CANDY These students frame their lives the way they want to. Photography by Renee Zhou
When I tried these on at the store, a dozen girls came to talk to me, and they laughed at all of my jokes. When I took the glasses off, it seemed like they completely lost interest in me. That's how I decided these Izod glasses were just the thing for me. It’s typical for a girl to walk up to me and say, "Oh wow, can I try on your glasses?" Before long they're in bed with me.
—nicolas
sessler
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I use my glasses as an extension of my personality. If I can change my outside, I can slowly change my inside to reflect who I want to be. I saw these and instantly fell in love. I feel super at home in these glasses and I kind of feel like they were waiting for me. Since I've had them I think that my personality has gotten stronger and so has my self–confidence.
—jaye
michelle harris
These were originally Ray– Ban sunglasses, but I wanted to make them glasses for everyday wear. So I poked out the sunglass lenses and replaced them with prescription lenses, and voila, I transformed them. I used to work at a flea market in Brooklyn with my parents selling Dough Donuts and people from all around the world all thought my glasses were really cool.
—zoya
davis
FORM & FUNCTION How to Dress for a Wine Tour
Wine Rack Bra: Your wine appreciation professor and grandmother would be proud.
Sunglasses: Your eyes may be as red as that vino in your bra, but no one has to know.
Empty Wine Bottle: Bottle number four—this definitely beats slapping the bag in your dorm.
Cell Phone: You’re dying to know how many likes you’ll get for something other than your “aged” Franzia.
Lilly Pulitzer Dress: Today might be a sloppy shitfest but at least you’ll look classy in those tagged photos.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Renee Zhou STYLISTS: Annika Downs, Chazz Inniss MODEL: Kate Bernhardt
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