Feminist by jcastiblanco

FEMINIST EPISTEMOLOGY & PEDAGOGY

SPIRITUALITY/HEALING NATURE

SILENCE/VIOLENCE FAMILY/COMMUNITY

RESISTANCE/ACTIVISM GENDER NORMS

Feminist epistemologies and pedagogies has given me the opportunity to delve more deeply into topics that effect my everyday life, and are so ingrained into our imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchal society (hooks), that barely anyone questions them or goes about the hard heart work of self propelling and collaborating for change. This first photo I chose in the photovoice collaboration exemplifies a moment of fear that is so deep in my senses that I was taken aback that we consider it normal and even smart. I was walking alone by the river at sunset and suddenly started to feel afraid, like someone might be following me with the intent to hurt, rape, steal, frighten or kill me. I have been taught by my family and by society since I was born and perhaps since before I was born, that because I am a girl/woman, that I will always be vulnerable, at risk, and that I will always have to be careful since danger directed towards me is lurking everywhere, all of the time.

We see more visibility of misogyny on the horizon with media campaigns like the Women’s March, Pantsuit Nation and #metoo. People are starting to be more overt about their experiences. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THINGS ARE WORSE THAN BEFORE, it simply means we might be hearing more about what has always been the practice of our society. Whether or not we are aware of it (or woke to it, as some people like to refer to it), it surrounds us and influences our very essence in powerful ways. This photo embodies a moment captured where it seemed that everyone besides my partner and I didn’t even notice the reification of the hegemonic societal standards being reinforced. The person welcoming us to our flight told the full plane of passengers that before helping our children and those less capable of putting on their oxygen (in case of a change of air pressure). We should take a moment to consider the ineptitude of the men we are traveling with and be ready to help them out, because, as we know, they are even worse than children when it comes to incapability. Many people laughed and I was flabbergasted at the normality that accompanies such inappropriate and dominant culture producing behavior. We spoke in class about how this teaching begins at home, from the women in our lives. Women of all races perpetuate the practice and beliefs of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy (hooks). Here it was again, emphasized by a woman.

This photovoice project allowed me to explore moments where I can see with greater clarity the underlying structures that continue to animate our lives and how they are constantly being reified and inserted into our lives. I chose the picture of a family bathroom sign with the outline of a cis hetero male (father), a cis hetero female (mother), and a child (their biological, cis gendered child) to exemplify how we reinforce only one group’s (the hetero patriarchy’s) ideals of what constitutes a family. The very notion of feminist epistemologies and pedagogies is to revamp how we enact ourselves in this world and by accepting the microaggressions that our current society upholds we are only serving to continue to hurt ourselves and keep ourselves from transforming using a feminist lens for knowledge and for how we pass that knowledge forward to new generations. Hooks talks about respecting and rejoicing in our differences as opposed to having tolerance for others. She says, “the heartbeat of love is recognition.” Let’s recognize each other, in person, in communication, in media representation, in education, and in visuals used in society. With greater clarity comes opportunity for growth, self awareness and shifting to a new consciousness or conscientizao (Freire). With this growth we may finally arrive at what Freire calls our true vocation, “to be human”.

The structures of patriarchy and the pillars of white supremacy (Smith, 2016) are evidenced in the ways cities and heteropatriarchial structures push people to the margins of society even when they are central to the development of their economies. So many aspects are challenging about the role of women of color in Latin American societies since they carry multiple burdens of functionality, from unforgiving economic responsibilities to the role of caring and nurturing. This image was taken in Lima Peru in 2016. Tourism is usually confined to other neighborhoods like Miraflores, a middle-class neighborhood that emulates the modernity of industrialized nations, but some city tours take you to other places. This was a neighborhood taken on the peripheries of Miraflores. The pyramidal quality of this community built on a hill is such a reminder of who is left in the bottom of society even when their presence in society is crucial to the development of urban society. As I saw the pink house I though about the possibility of womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s contributions to the building of this construction. Then I thought about the active role women play in their micro-economies and how they are seldom acknowledged. Smith, A. (2016). Heteropatriarchy and the three pillars of white supremacy: Rethinking women of color organizing. Women in Culture: An Intersectional Anthology for Gender and Women's Studies, 404.

The indifference we live with is partially to blame for the horrible violence women experience. Hooks (2003), reminds us that solidarity is key to ending gender oppression. This is my shadow reflected in the landscape of the desert. This is the desert of the West Mesa in Albuquerque, NM. This is the place where women became victims of gender violence and their lives were taken in the most brutal ways. Women were attacked and killed in similar ways the victims of gender violence in Juarez lost their lives. Femicide happens all around us, yet we are able to create a fictitious geographical barrier that isolates us from the shared realities Hooks, B. (1987). Feminism: A movement to end sexist oppression.

Being the mother of two young boys has been a gift and a challenge as the need to mediate between masculine standards and a critical stands toward behaviors that have been the cause of womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s repression arise. Through dialogue and love the conversations have been fruitful and I realized that when my oldest son Pablo gifted this banner to me. He mentioned how much this representation of a strong woman reminded him of the women in his family. He also mentioned he recognizes the struggle and the progress we have made. I treasure this gift because of the nature of recognition it entails.

Survival of some of the most traumatic events in life can be shared in ways that empower others. There is value in understanding where you were and acknowledging where you are now. Although progress can be slow, progress is still progress. Media sends messages that are often conveyed to women and girls and add to the assumptions of what we â&#x20AC;&#x153;shouldâ&#x20AC;? perceive as beautiful, as perfect, as powerful, etc. This book, and many others, tell the truth about experiences that devalue the mind, objectify the body, and bury the soul. However, and most importantly, the message also conveyed through it all: self-worth and resilience can lead to healing that allows you to let life take a different path.

Love Yourself!

This is an image of my brother, sister and I playing in our family young. I would estimate that we are two, three and four years old. I find this image fascinating in that there are blocks, easter eggs, and other toys lining the carpet. My sister and I do not seem to be engaged much with the toys; rather I'm observing my brother while he plays with a doll. I’m assuming that this is my barbie that he has picked up and holds no reservation playing with. The photographer, likely my mother or abuela, is clearly not attempting to police his behavior or impose gender norms on him. My older brother has possessed a fluidity in gender since I can remember. Though he may have felt self-conscious in certain instances, his generally confident persona has hindered significant pushback from other men. The reaction has almost been the opposite, where other males look to him as somewhat of a role model in selfexpresion.

This image represents the moment I began to truly feel in community at my work. I’ve worked at the National Institute of Flamenco in various capacities for the past three years. One of my young students drew this card for me at the end of last year’s Recital Navideño, where the Executive Director of the organization asked me to lead the young choir during our posadas performance. Flamenco has saved my life in myriad ways and has helped me to become a more realized individual through facility, through initiative and through a greater responsibility to myself and community. As Eva says, “Each day you have to do battle on the dance floor” and “we do flamenco because we have to.” Though not every staff member dances, it is the absorbing nature of flamenco which drives the collective. Flamenco is a dance of gitano resistance to centuries of oppressive and isolating governments and lands. In the Albuquerque community, I believe it is the matriarchal nature of the culture that people find so intrinsic to their person.

This intergenerational mural has been in progress since May of last year when my tiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house was broken into and she was robbed at gunpoint. While not physically harmed, the attack took a serious emotional toll on her. As a healer, she decided to protect herself by mediating a dualistic nature of an ofrenda and mural, evoking the directions of the North and South. Behind the wall is an ofrenda which represents my tiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s relationship with my abuela, who we very nearly lost last Christmas. The double doors which now served as a symbol of violation and intrusion, were closed off and reenvisioned as a space for healing. This mural invokes La Virgen de Guadalupe and Las Adelitas as protectors of the space. The smallest figure, portrayed top left, is meant to represent my child self as a presence of healing and wisdom. My relationship with my tia is a special one, as she helped raise me and is the foundation for much of my worldview. Both the sacred heart and La Virgen de Guadalupe are representations of her relationship with the Catholic faith, while strong, holds room for interpretation and growth.

*As long as you work twice as hard as any man trying to do the same thing. And don’t be too loud. Or too quiet. Make sure you stand up for yourself. But don’t be too demanding. Oh wait…is your skin brown?? Yeah. That’s awkward. Did I say twice as hard? I meant three times. Four? And while we’re at it, have you figured out your sexual orientation? Gender? Because that’s going to be a factor. Oh, better make sure you’re conventionally attractive and able-bodied too. But go get em’? The world is yours! (Ms. Magazine, 2017)

The encouragement of women and girls to be anything they want to be is misconceiving when you consider all the “fine print” in most, if not, every situation. The “fine print” and asterisks of each situation continue to promote barriers against equality of all people, including the equality of women and girls. When taking a cultural perspective, the “fine print” and asterisks become more defined and limited making success and progress toward dreams and goals more challenging and sometimes, unrealistic. Overcoming the barriers requires women and girls to develop a critical consciousness to support next steps moving forward. Who will make this journey? Who will have access to these types of resources? Who will become anything they dream? REMEMBER TO READ THE FINE PRINT BEFORE MAKING A MOVE!

Native American leaders, such as Sacaguwea, have been portrayed in misconceiving ways and in ways that devalue the impacts they have had in history. While some books continue to portray Native Americans as savages, the recent publication of some material have offered new perspectives and insights to Native American cultures. The childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s book pictured above tells the story of Sacaguwea as a Native American woman that helped others survive and offered traits that were brave and resilient. It is important to do the research before purchasing and choosing to consume literature. More often than not, stories by Native Americans are not told by Native Americans. When untruthful stories and messages are continuously believed and continuously spread, the devaluing of Native American cultures continues to grow. A start to deconstructing misconceptions is to become critically aware of authors and their work relative to the stories they tell.

Silence plays a prominent role in oppression. Dominator culture works to silence particular groups of people in order to maintain systems of domination (or what bell hooks terms “imperialistic white supremacist capitalistic patriarchy”). Likewise, when members of the dominant culture remain silent about inequality and passively accept it, they become complicit in reproducing imperialistic white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. When confronted with critiques of oppression and privilege, it is easy to point the finger and place blame. However, as bell hooks reminds us, we are all accountable.

This is of importance as accountability “opens a field of possibility wherein we are all compelled to move beyond blame to see where our responsibility lies (bell hooks).” Whether you are the silenced, silencer, or have remained silent, we are all part of the system that simultaneously privileges and/or disadvantages us, depending on the intersectional nature of our social positions. Even those who are in positions of advantage, are still disadvantaged in that oppression dehumanizes both the oppressed and the oppressor. To challenge imperialistic white supremacist capitalist patriarchy and decolonize the mind, we need to abdicate blame and dualistic thinking and instead develop accountability, love, and critical consciousness.

While baby showers are a time of celebration, they can also be a source of critical reflection and utilized to analyze the implications of gender construction on identity and subjectivity. From pink and blue themed decor to baby clothes decorated with either footballs or princess crowns, baby showers highlight the myriad ways in which gender is constructed and projected on to the body, beginning with conception. This gender typing is simultaneously involuntary and voluntary, in that the individual has no choice, yet it is a socially sanctioned process to which we all contribute. Moreover, baby shower propaganda such as “He/She” and “Boy/Girl” highlights the dualistic, either/or thinking indicative of Western patriarchal culture. Borgerson (2001) notes that this logic that places individuals into groups serves to reproduce a sexist hierarchical order, which places males above females and disadvantages the latter. However, a he/she dichotomy also presents finite ways of being and knowing, which disadvantages all individuals.

A broom and apron, familiar items tied to care of the home- a role historically placed on females. Housework, being able to cook well and maintain a clean home, is often constructed as the epitome of femininity and this notion has been reproduced through culture and media. As an adult, I have struggled in domestic partnerships due to internalized feelings of responsibility towards housework. Even when my partners have contributed, I found myself overly expressing gratitude and feeling guilty for things they likewise take for granted and never have thanked me for (making dinner, doing household chores). This simple quote by bell hooks offers explanation: “And patriarchy begins in the home.” This works twofold to express that gender roles are not only tied to household work (or lack of), but ideologies are cultivated, maintained, and reproduced in the family sphere. Parents/caregivers impart ideologies and norms that teach children what it means to be male and female, and assign roles based on gender. Even as equity is critiqued in outside spheres (education, work, etc), we must always keep in mind that (in)equality begins in the home, and use the home as a source of change.

The Radical Monarchs, was known as the Radical Brownies, is an organization established in 2014 as young girl’s social justice troop. Based in Oakland, CA, the Radical Monarch place young girls and tweens of color to create a healthy and radical space of liberatory learning and transformation. As an alternative to the white, neoliberal project of the Girl Scouts, Radical Monarchs offers a space for young girls of color a rare space to celebrate themselves and their families, as well as actively participate in radical movements of social, political, and community change. The Radical Monarchs present a visionary space to engage with you and specifically young girls of color that fosters an environment of critical thinking. I felt it was crucial to share their images and creation story as Radical Monarchs reminds us that the youth and especially our young girls of color are the key to our liberation. When the seeds of radical thinking are planted, the future is sure to bring new fruits to our lived realities. Academia, including feminist discourse, erase narratives like these, bring forth their stories continues to build their legacy and critical community importance.

“The Radical Monarchs creates opportunities for young girls of color to form fierce sisterhood, celebrate their identities and contribute radically to their communities” -Radical Monarch’s Mission

This image is a representation of Chicana cultural and intellectual production. A cover and call out to women of color to participate in a Zine making project titled, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Brown Queen: Latina Voices of the 21st Century.â&#x20AC;? This zine made Latina, Chicana, and Hispanic voice the foundation of the project. Zines, which are an easy DIY projects, can share images, topics, and stories locally worldwide. This one specifically aimed to dispel the silence and shame Chicana/Latina women face, often for simply existing.

This image is the cover of Betita Martinez’s picture book, “500 Years of Chicana History”. As a spin-off of the picture book “500 Years of Chicano History”, Martinez created a text and collective of images of important Chicana women from 1491 to the contemporary present. As a bilingual text, the book presents various narratives and histories on the brilliance of Chicana women. Continuing to battle the silence surrounding Chicanas, the books appeal to huge audiences, from little girls to abuelitas, the opportunities to see themselves highlighted throughout history.

This image of brochures stems from the Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) movement. These brochures show just how far social interactions have transformed in the most recent years. These brochures came out in the late 2000’s between 2002 and 2008. The brochures were designed for youth who were beginning the first stages of puberty with the intent to persuade the youth to turn away from drinking, However, we see that over the years some types of brochure like this wouldn’t be allowed in schools because the obvious gender bias Inside the blue brochure for men they attempt to persuade they won’t be the "manly man" they usually are if they drink. The pink brochure for females tries to persuade women to think that if they drink and get taken advantage of its their fault because they drank.

As I was reading the article by Uma (2003), there was a portion where the text discussed the hostility towards people who express interest or sympathize with certain groups that they aren’t a part of or have little knowledge on because “they may claim that their interest provides a warrant for them to speak for us, as dominant groups throughout history have spoken for the dominated” (313). I remembered of the many instances where people have researched and documented the experiences of historically marginalized communities and in that process misrepresented people’s traditions, ways of living, and communities. It also reminded me of this meme that I created last year to highlight the work of a Xicana filmmaker at UCLA, Maritza Geronimo. This was part of a series of meme’s that were created by the student organization, MEChA de UCLA. The memes were created to provide a space to honor the work being done by Xican@/x student activists & organizers, but was also used as a medium to talk shit (or critically analyze) what was going on around us. This specific meme highlighted Maritza’s passion to document the experiences of her people. Being originally a film studies major at UCLA, she struggled in her courses because they lacked critical discussions. Furthermore, seeing the lack of representation or critical analysis of films that are valued under US discourse that dehumanize her people motivated her to change her major to Chican@/x Studies. The picture to the right is a photo that I also took of her during a research symposium at the end of the same year where she presented on her research and the importance of engaging with traditional medicine and healing. Through these images, I honor her commitment to researching and documenting Indigenous knowledge systems and experiences that are often times deemed unvaluable. Furthermore, as someone that has reminded me many times to listen to my gut and my spirit, I honor our friendship, our long political conversations, and our spiritual connection.

This is a picture of my grandparents who live in Mexico, Oaxaca. This picture was taken July 26th, 2015. It was right after I returned from studying abroad in Cuba. It was my first time seeing my grandparents in almost 10 years. This picture is very important to me because it was a moment of rebirth and reconnection for me. The first time I went to our pueblo, I did not have a very good experience nor did I like being there. As a little kid, I did not appreciate our homeland, my family, or anything about our pueblo. Several years later, after becoming critical of many things I realized that I needed to learn about my people. This picture shows the first time I was with my family after years of not seeing them or talking to them. I was reminded of this picture as I was reading Women Who Stay Behind by Dr. Ruth Trindad. As an ethnographic project that examined the ways that women sobreviven in Mexico after their partners have migrated to different parts of the hemisphere, the study reminded me of my family that was left behind when my parents came to the United States. Growing up in a Zapotec community and coming to the United States at the age of 16 only knowing an indigenous language, I think about what happened to our family when they stayed behind but I also think about the experiences of my parents in the US. This book further motivates me to conduct a research project on my family and our pueblo to learn about what happened to our family that stayed behind but also to learn the history of my people. Furthermore, it pushes me to share some of the stories my parents shared with me and their experiences in the United States that could provide closure to my grandparents about the experiences of my parents. This is a picture of Dr. Yolanda Teran M. who is a postdoctoral fellow in the Native American Studies Department at the University of New Mexico. The first time I met her at the Native American Studies open house we clicked. Being new to Albuquerque, she made me feel welcomed and invited me to the different collectives she was a part of. I chose to highlight her important contribution to Indigenous people because more often than not, we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see women who do the busy work of organizing. Getting to know her over the past couple of weeks and seeing her present at the United Declaration of Indigenous Peoples 10-year anniversary, it became clear that her lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work is to honor the traditions and ways of living of Indigenous peoples. Therefore, it is important to celebrate, acknowledge, and shed light on the critical work being done by Indigenous women. Thank you Dr. Yolanda for putting your body on the line and paving a way for future generations

This photo reminds me of how it feels to be home, how to be loved, and humble. This woman is the most self-less woman I know. Her life is full of struggles, was marginalized in many ways, but is a strong and wise person. Many of my endeavors are inspired by her, and every time I want to give op on something, I am reminded that perhaps I am not doing this for myself, but for the sacrifices of others, and her motherly care for all.

This is a castle in El AlcĂĄzar de Segovia, Spain. I went to Spain last summer and I was able to visit a few castles, this one was the one that stuck with me. Visiting a castle was in my bucket list with the illusion of fulfilling my childhood dream of being a "princess" rescued from a cool castle by a prince. Unfortunately, this was not necessarily the feeling I got from visiting the castle. Choosing this picture has the intentionality of showing a girl's childish dream, mine, and the transformation of it to a critical/social perspective and the awareness of an illusion that I created as a little girl. This is not necessarily the importance of being â&#x20AC;&#x153;girlyâ&#x20AC;? and wanting to visit a castle, but the desire to be a princess.

This photo is from my mother’s wedding album. As a young girl, I would pore through the pages, thinking that my mother looked like a princess and my father like a movie star. But whenever I would daydream aloud about my future wedding plans, my mother would say, “Hush. There’s time for that. First, you need to travel.” Underlying my mother’s words was a theme that bell hooks often returns to in her writing: “If any female feels she need anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency” (2000, p. 8). Although I didn’t understand what my mother meant when I was a child, as I grew older it became clear. My parents’ marriage wasn’t a happy one. My mother lived in my father’s shadow, and I suspect that she even intended on leaving him when my brother and I were older. My mother wanted me to be independent, to explore the world outside our small Pennsylvanian town. Perhaps, she thought she would one day travel, too, or attain the college degree that she never had time for. Unfortunately, I’ll never know exactly. My mother died unexpectedly of a brain aneurysm when she was 46. I had just turned 18. More than her smile, her penchant for the color green, and her love of daisies, I have inherited my mother’s unrealized ambitions. Even now, so many years since her death, my mother visits me in dreams, reminding me that, like all mother-daughters everywhere, our bond can never be broken, not even by death. Hooks, B. (2000). Feminism is for everybody: Passionate politics. Pluto Press.

This photo was taken in Hanoi, Vietnam during the fall or winter of 1998. My friend, An, often took me to the Buddhist temples in the area; she was devoted to Guanyin, and her dedication to this “Goddess of Mercy” incited me to learn more about this beloved Buddhist deity, whose name literally means “she who perceives the sounds of the world.” Although endowed with feminine traits, Guanyin is derived from Avalokitasvara, an ancient androgynous Buddha-like figure (or bodhisattva) much revered throughout Asia. Guanyin is believed to be attuned to the suffering of all sentient beings, delaying his/her own eternal redemption in order to assist in the liberation of others. Upon first seeing statues of Avalokitasvara, Catholic missionaries recognized similarities with representations of the Blessed Mother Mary. Having been brought up in the Catholic religion, I noticed this tender, motherly air, too, and found it comforting. However, as An pointed out to me, Guanyin is not a “noun” that can be distinguished or limited by constructions of male-female or Eastern-

Western; rather, Guanyin is a “verb” that inspires the opening of the ears, eyes, and hearts to the suffering of all—human and non-human. I have thought of Guanyin often this term, reflecting on the energy that this genderless deity embodies: the impulse to witness and embrace the earth’s suffering and minister to its wounds. Whether experienced in the theoretical wanderings of bell hook, In Juarez Girls Rising, Cervantes-Soon reflects on how nature was both a symbol and source of spiritual renewal for the young women she interviewed in Juarez. Although my own circumstances growing up were extremely different, I have always had a similar connection to the earth. The photo above depicts the “woods” where I spent countless hours as a child. About a mile from my suburban neighborhood, the “woods” consisted of 25 acres of untouched Pennsylvanian land—free from the encroaching development of new housing and storefronts. From the north, you could hear the sound of cars and trucks whizzing up highway 81, and from the south, the choir practice of the seminarians of St. Joseph’s Oblates. After school or on weekends, I would escape to the woods and, with a book in hand, hide underneath the canopy of trees. I felt safe there—even though, reflecting on it now, it seems much more risky than it did at the time. After all, where is a lone girl safe in this world? But I considered the trees there to be my friends and felt protected by them—a sense of belonging that I’ve rarely experienced since. To be alone in the woods—breathing in the fluttering warm breeze and dew-laced leaves—is a privilege that few are able to experience anymore. The expansions of industry have exiled so many of us from our true homes.

This mural by Nanibah (Nani) Chacon is a tribute to DoĂąa Maclovia Sanchez de Zamora, an herbalist and curandera who served her community from the Barelas barrio in Albuquerque. Nani Chacon, uses traditional images as a reflection of our contemporary society. The impressive, larger than life, image of DoĂąa Maclovia Sanchez de Zamora is opposite of the typical media diet of youth equating beauty in our modern society. The knowledge of traditional healing and herbs brought to the community by DoĂąa Maclovia Sanchez de Zamora is honored through the mural. Her strength, wisdom and beauty allow the viewer to understand that beauty is so much more than youth.

The redundancy of the phrase, hegemonic masculinity is obvious. When I think of hegemony I think of male and masculine and when I think of golf I think of white men, wealthy white men. A full display of hegemonic masculinity was on display at a recent golf tournament. Never have I felt such a sense of being “kept in my place.” As a vital part of making the golf tournament successful my role was significant. Yet, as a woman my role was constantly negated by the men participating in the tournament. Statements such as, “you need to learn to shut your mouth” and “are you mommy?” were just a few of the responses I received from our participants. My first excursion into the world of golf was fraught with demeaning comments and foul language. I am hesitant to ever return.

...the nature of truth, production of knowledge and the power to name one's reality" (Cervantes-Soon, 2017, p. 69). Daily, I struggle with naming my own reality and not allowing external factors name my reality. The constant need to be polite and take up as little space as possible is a hard habit to break. Owning your strength and intelligence as a woman should not be a daily battle. The constant need to justify myself or apologize has been ingrained into my being. An never-ending dialogue of worry that I am too old, too ugly, too fat...that I am never enough as I am. These thoughts and habits were learned from my mother. Attempting to raise my daughter in a manner that will ensure that she does not create an inner voice that repeats those negative thoughts seems beyond my abilities but I try. What I find most disturbing is that my inner-voice is always worried about superficial matters, my appearance. Although I believe that my daughter is the most beautiful creature on Earth I want her to worry about making the world she lives in a better place. Not how she looks.

The recent "kneeing" incidents with the NFL through the 2017 year has been heavily criticized and has sparked much conversation, even reaching the president. The "kneeing" incident began when Colin Kapernick, a professional football player, sat during the National Anthem portion of a professional football game. After sitting through the National Anthem Kapernick spoke with a military veteran who suggested kneeling to still show respect as the National Anthem is played. Kapernick took a knee for equality among black lives, and other minority cultures. Many people have said its disrespectful toward the flag. However, I feel that this is heart of a photo voice. Giving people a chance to speak, and to be heard through the power you have to reach a large audience. Kapernick has done this by using his influence as a professional athlete to give a voice to those who can’t be heard and to shed light on an issue that has been very prominent within the United States. Not only for black lives but across all cultures.

This image of Cam Newton is one of my favorite not only because of the sever media criticism surrounded by it but because of a response I received from one of my classmates. Cam Newton an iconic football player was quoted saying “it’s funny hearing a woman talk about routes like that” to a female reporter during a discussion of the plays during a post-game interview. Cam received serious backlash for this comment, lost sponsorship, and released an apology video. At first I thought it was belittling to the women to hear that her job isn’t taken serious because of her gender. Then a classmate of mine said it’s “locker room talk” that he was joking the way guys joke. He didn’t mean to belittle her; but it made me question. Does our society today get our feelings hurt because of small comments like this?

Not only do I support students with Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) and those who wish to apply for it, but also their sacrifices and passion to wish to do great things in life. Due to difficult political times right now, I feel that allies and advocates for DACA participants are supportive, and even though privileged for our citizenship statusâ&#x20AC;Ś we feel their struggle. Having friends living through challenges, I am able to see their internalized repressions fears, frustration, as well as their courage, love, and motivation to continue in this journey.

Lack of self-confidence and lack of body positivity is something that I have long struggled with. Although I am considered by many to be healthy and beautiful I have yet to view myself as such. Although I know that the view I have of my own body is a result of unrealistic social expectations created largely by mass media, I still struggle a lot. When I took this photo I thought of selfie culture and how we take selfies that are often unrealistic or edited on Snapchat. By doing this we create an unrealistic image of ourselves to again live up to in reality.

I am striving in an institution that has a long history of appropriating the practices of communities and claiming ownership of these practices. Some examples of this that I have been struggling with are restorative justice, culturally responsive education, human rights practices - specifically gay, lesbian, trans, and queer rights - , and environmentalism. Although these traditional practices existed long before western civilization in communities of color we see them co-opted and even worse, reserved only for white communities to benefit from. Trying to strive in this institution is difficult and conflicting because of the violent past it has with communities of color and preventing them from maintaining the same level of respect of accountability that they deserve as experts of their practices. As someone who has lost contact with what indigenous practices existed within my communities I feel this pain and wonder where those practices may still exist if anywhere.

STEPPING INTO MYSELF I recently purchased a pair of Birkenstock sandals. These shoes once carried (and somewhat still do) a stereotype about the sexual orientation or social values of the wearer. A pricey shoe, they are also considered an “investment.” As a queer woman, the stereotype is not one I am trying to resist, however stepping into these shoes is about more than my queerness; these shoes are also a step towards me trying to love my body and how it takes up space. Being a fat woman, it is hard to find shoes that fit, are comfortable, and that I feel are pleasing. Buying these sandals was the first time I allowed myself to buy shoes from the “men’s section” because they had a wider width. My feet fit into these shoes, which is a huge deal for me. Being able to be confident about walking to places in shoes that fit allows me to be more comfortable with myself, and taking an investment into valuing my body as it is, not as I wish it were.

In the past few weeks I have had a lot of transition in my life and the plants were moved to the center of the living room while all the furniture was taken out of the room. I thought about my roommate and I - two women living alone both from very traditional families. We are both not very good at taking care of plants but having the plants with us makes us remember to take care of ourselves. Many times as women we are concerned with being caretakers we want to take care of the house, the plants, the food, and take care of our friends. It becomes hard to take care of ourselves, and as my roommate says when her plants are unwell, she knows that she too is unwell. In thinking about the readings this semester and the stories that were shared, I think about how the privilege of having access to resources is highlighted, particularly around gender and class. Last semester I had a horrible flare of my asthma and ended up in the SHAC urgent care and the ER of Lovelace. I am still paying off the medical bills that I accrued in order to be able to breathe. I am thankful that I was able to access this care, as not everyone has that possibility. Additionally, in this process I was made aware of how certain assumptions about my body are ever-present. When I initially went in, unable to breathe, the doctor saw my fat body and insisted that I was diabetic (not true) and needed to test my blood sugar prior to giving me oxygen. As a fat woman, my pain and distress (later â&#x20AC;&#x153;validatedâ&#x20AC;? by the tests showing I did indeed need care and was not diabetic) are seen only secondarily to my body size and my gender presentation.

This was a display I saw in the Albuquerque convention center (when I was there for the TEDx event). It reads at the top: "There are two sides to every story." Utilizing the split placement, it can be read two ways. One, with each side read individually, and two, the two sides read together. (Left side): "She's the first to work and the last to leave. She'll never invite us over. She never wants to go out with us. She's so unfriendly." (Right side): "Because it's scary on the streets, she knows it seems cold that because her car has no coffee table after dark and can't afford to eat, afraid someone will find out she's not--she's just trying to get by." (Together): "She's the first to work because it's scary on the streets, and the last to leave. She knows it seems cold that she'll never invite us over because her car has no coffee table. She never wants to go out after dark and can't afford to eat with us. She's so afraid someone will find out she's not unfriendly. She's just trying to get by." The business who made the advertisement is for an organization called Heading Home. Their goal is to help homeless folks in the city by providing "supporting housing solutions" (ABQ Heading Home, "How We Help"). I think this ad also highlights how homeless women experience fears of gender violence as well as our assumptions about people's friendliness ("just smile").